


The Unstoppable Force and the Sometimes Movable Object

by evilqueenofgallifrey (MayFairy)



Series: Wrong Equation, Right Answer [1]
Category: Class (TV 2016)
Genre: F/F, and enough thirst to make a desert look wet, contains the hilarious friendship of a thirsty bisexual and an exasperated ace, cos Quill needs a gf, gratuitous amounts of coffee/cats/chocolate, the maths teacher fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-09-06 09:39:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 236,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8745211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayFairy/pseuds/evilqueenofgallifrey
Summary: "Stop doing that."
  
  "Doing what?"
  
  "Smiling at me. People don't smile at me. It's disconcerting."
A maths teacher who couldn't be more outwardly different from Quill takes an interest in her despite the warnings of her colleagues. Quill, quietly desperate to connect with someone, finds herself looking past her initial annoyance and confusion and giving it a chance - only to realise along the way that they're a lot more similar than anyone could have guessed.





	1. The Maths Teacher

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crystalsoulslayer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystalsoulslayer/gifts), [FernDavant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FernDavant/gifts).



> HERE IT IS!! 
> 
> I still can't believe I've done it. I mean, the fic isn't finished yet but I've got over 12 chapters so (edit: bi)weekly updates will keep me in the clear for a while. I'm so proud of this and so excited to finally get to share it with you guys!! 
> 
> I hope this lives up to whatever expectations you all had. 
> 
> (Gifted to the wonderful crystalsoulslayer, who sort of unintentionally become my beta for this project. Never had a beta before, but am loving it and so thank you, you have been so unbelievably incredible with everything to do with this fic. But I have been lucky enough to have help from all over, and so also wanted to give a big thank you to ceruleanmind who gave me some amazing, invaluable feedback in the early stages and to my darling answerstobefound who supports me in everything I do and who I love more than anything - you're the best friend ever.)

"Remind me again why I'm here?" Miss Quill asks, for the third time.

"Because you're a member of the staff, Andrea, and this is a staff meeting."

"So no particularly good reason, then."

She hates the staff room. Its chairs are too squishy and the coffee machine is terrible and it's always full of people who try to smile at her or even worse, talk to her. Which wouldn't be a bad thing necessarily if all her colleagues weren't incredibly dull idiots. (Who call her _Andrea_.)

The Headmaster is tolerable, but there are places she can talk to him where the others can't bother them, so she tends to avoid the staff room at all costs. But some days, like today, she can't get out of it.

"Ah, here she is!" Mr Armitage says with a big smile. "Back from South Africa to help get the Maths department back into shape-"

Miss Quill tunes him out and barely spares the woman he's (re?)introducing a second glance. Some brunette with a dress covered in flowers.

 _Just what_ is _this species' obsession with printing flowers on clothes? And who decided that it_ 's _only acceptable for women to wear them? How can plants be feminine? Ridiculous._

The moment she registers that the Headmaster is done talking, she steps away from the wall she has been leaning against and makes a beeline for the door.

Unfortunately she realises within the hour that the matter of the maths teacher goes a little further than the staff room. Teachers returning to Coal Hill, given the horrific mortality rate, is apparently almost unheard of and the students are amazed.

"I'm just so glad she's back," Tanya is saying to April when they are all meant to be doing the equation Quill has set for them, "All those substitutes were rubbish. Thank god the work's been easy enough in the meantime."

"I don't think I've encountered her yet," Charlie says with interest, "What's she like?"

"April," Ram laughs, "She's like April."

April rolls her eyes. "The fact that she's nice doesn't automatically make her like me, Ram. Though as it happens, I'm going to take that as a compliment-"

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise this was gossiping hour, I thought this was fourth period physics," Miss Quill tells them, narrowing her eyes.

By some miracle, they mostly shut up and get on with their work, leaving her free to sit on her iPad and scroll through cat pictures. It's a physical weight off her chest when they leave at the end of class and she has a few minutes to herself before the next lot come in.

Which is what makes the knock on the open door so annoying.

"What?" Miss Quill snaps, without opening her eyes from where she is leaning back in her chair.

"Hi, sorry, I'm in the room a few doors down and I'm out of chalk, I was hoping I might be able to borrow some from you?"

The blonde cracks an eye open to look at the figure standing in the doorway and find out just who has the audacity to come to her with such a trivial request when any smart person would ask _literally anybody else_. Ah. It's Floral Dress. She's perhaps not been warned about Quill yet. That would explain it.

"Sure," Quill answers, waving a hand in the vague direction of the blackboard.

Unfortunately, and to Quill's extreme exasperation, the woman doesn't simply grab chalk and then leave. She approaches her desk and holds out a hand.

"Also, we haven't met, so I thought I'd say hello since you're new and left the meeting in a hurry this morning," she says to Quill with a big smile, "I like to make sure I know all my colleagues. Kalei Jacobs."

"Why?" Quill asks, not bothering to keep the disdain out of her voice. The other woman blinks, confused.

"Why what?"

"Why do you care about knowing your colleagues?"

"Because we're a team," she says, and smiles before glancing at her hand, which still hasn't been shaken. The smile doesn't fade but falters slightly.

Quill decides to see how long she'll leave the hand there if she doesn't shake it.

"A team?" She asks instead.

"Well, us against the students, so to speak." With a bite of her lip, she finally withdraws the hand and instead uses it to adjust her thick rimmed glasses while giving Quill an awkward smile. "It's not my favourite way of looking at it, but-"

"No, I like it," Quill says, more to herself than to Floral Dress, whose name she's already forgotten and really doesn't care about anyway.

"Yes, well, when things go a bit loopy it is nice to have backup."

"Backup?"

Floral Dress smiles and nods. "You're not in this all on your own, you know. We're all in the same boat."

"Metaphorically speaking," Quill says, to clarify that there isn't a naval branch of the school she hasn't yet been made aware of.

Floral Dress' brown eyes are serious. "Well, only until next week, when we move to the half of the year where the lessons are run on a fleet of ships traversing the Pacific. Why do you think I'm back now? Meeting up with you all then would have been difficult."

"What _?"_ Quill asks sharply, trying to push down the panic in her chest. She's read nothing about British schools doing anything like that, the Doctor would surely have mentioned it, or _someone_ -

That's when Floral Dress starts laughing and Quill realises with great relief _and_ annoyance that it had been a joke. Not even a good one.

"Your face," the other woman says, looking far too pleased with herself.

"You're hilarious," Quill replies, making it abundantly clear she thinks anything but. Mercifully, that's when the first lot of students start to trickle in. "The chalk's over there. Help yourself."

"Ah, right," Floral Dress says, as if she had forgotten her reason for coming here in the first place. "Thank you."

She grabs a couple of sticks of chalk and heads for the door, but is delayed by enthusiastic greetings from some of Quill's students. One of them even _hugs_ Floral Dress. Worse, Floral Dress hugs back. For all her talking about being _against_ the children, she genuinely seems to like them.

 _Weak attempt at deception, revealing herself in plain view of me,_ Quill thinks. _If that's the best 'backup' I'm being offered, I'll pass._

For once she is almost relieved to get to teaching physics.

* * *

 

A bit over two weeks later, on the Friday afternoon, Quill reflects on recent events over a cup of coffee as she lingers in her classroom once the school day is over.

  1. Shadowkin attack before and during prom, wherein using a student to kill one and himself landed her in the shit with the Doctor, giving him moral high ground that even she can't really argue with. Outcome: one of her students now shares her heart with the king of the Shadowkin. And she's _definitely_ stuck here for good.
  2. Four human teenagers have become aware of her and Charlie's identities. Outcome: uncertain, could be negative or positive in the long run.
  3. They're apparently a little 'saving the world' team now. Outcome: probably the most disgusting thing to happen all week even with skin pealing dragon taken into account.
  4. The prince has found himself a pretty boyfriend via Prom, boyfriend is Polish (whatever that means). Outcome: she'll hopefully have to spend less time with him if he's found someone who actually enjoys his presence and vice versa.
  5. Headmaster skinned alive by interdimensional alien dragon. Verdict: unfortunate, since he was the only member of the faculty she could stand with the exception of an English teacher who only ever exchanges nods with her whenever they pass and never tries to initiate conversation. Outcome: Uncertain, pending appointment of new Headmaster/mistress.
  6. Inspector sent by the governors turns out to be a robot, meaning her shoving him against the lockers and snogging the life out of him really wasn't what he was after at all. Outcome: bit embarrassing, and probably best the teenagers don't give enough shits about her to ask about the whole debacle. Verdict: she really needs to get laid.



The longer she thinks about the whole mess with the robot, the more she wants to cringe and is immensely thankful the teenagers never asked for details. The fact that she had just thrown herself at the first person to show even a hint of interest - completely misinterpreted interest, at that - really just highlights how pathetic her life has become.

God, she needs to get laid. Falling short of that, having a conversation with somebody who is vaguely interested in anything she has to say might be nice, for once.

With a sigh, she gets up and grabs her coat. Avoiding going home isn't something she can do forever.

As she walks through the now empty hallways, she slows at the sight of Floral Dress (whatever her name actually is), who she hasn't had to speak to or even really see since their initial exchange nearly three weeks before. It's a streak she'd like to prolong, if possible, and she stops to weigh her options about whether going around would take longer than if she were to get pulled into a conversation.

Thankfully, the other woman hasn't so much as glanced in her direction. Her attention is held by something else.

They're in the space near the Barbara Wright Building - where there's an entire wall dedicated to the list of the dead of the school, which the maths teacher is standing in front of silently. Quill watches her for at least a minute, out of curiosity for how much humans tend to care about this sort of thing.

"I suppose they'll be adding to this, soon. Missing is never just missing, here."

The unprecedented speech almost makes Quill jump. Floral Dress is looking at her now, her expression grave but not teary like Quill had expected/dreaded.

"I think you're probably right," Quill says, unsure of how to act and uncomfortable about being detected without her knowledge.

"Sometimes I think I'm mad, coming back here."

By the time Quill realises that she's automatically started walking closer to the wall and Floral Dress, it's too late to stop. "I don't think mad people tend to be aware of it." She comes to a stop next to her so that they're both looking at the wall of names. "You're probably just stupid."

An odd laugh escapes the maths teacher. "For the first time in my life, that might just be the case." There's a pause. "You're funny. They didn't say you were funny."

Quill turns to look at her and arches an eyebrow. "Oh? What did they say?"

"I think the words _cold bitch_ were the most common."

"Good. Then we're all on the same page."

The other woman laughs, just for a moment, and then they fall into silence again. It's strangely...comfortable. Quill uses it as a chance to get a closer look at her colleague since she's been too busy being uninterested or annoyed to properly retain anything about her up until now.

Warm brown skin, and curly dark brown hair confined in a bun at the back of her head that would probably look severe on anyone else but not on her. Brown eyes rimmed in glasses (Quill remembers the latter faintly, but it's amazing how little one can notice if one is determinedly not caring). She's pretty, maybe half a decade younger than Quill - but then, she's hardly the best judge of human appearances, in age _or_ attractiveness. Also a good half a foot shorter than her even with heels the same size as Quill's.

Not knowing her name - despite her lack of attentiveness on this point being at least half deliberate - becomes annoying within the space of a few seconds. After searching through her memories for a hint, a student's complaint about maths homework does the trick.

Miss Jacobs.

"You know, I think Danny Pink was the first person on this list in years to die of anything natural," Jacobs says eventually.

Quill doesn't respond, or even lift an eyebrow to prompt further explanation. She does however meet Jacobs' gaze and make it clear that she's listening. (She doesn't know _why_ she's listening, but oh well, she's done it now.)

"He was the maths teacher before me, the one I took over from. Ex-soldier, _amazing_ teacher from what the staff said about him. But then...car accident. The others kept talking about how much of a nice change it was to know what happened to him. Not the most reassuring thing to hear on your second day."

 _Ex-soldier_ is the only part of the whole thing that Quill finds remotely interesting. She wonders why she's still standing here with this human. But a part of her is curious about the school's history - it pays to know one's battleground, after all.

"He was dating Miss Oswald," Jacobs continues, and Quill notes that _Oswald, C._ is the name on the list after _Pink, D._ Against her own will, she finds herself interested. A little.

"Don't tell me she killed herself because of it, that would be tedious and far too _Romeo and Juliet_ ," Quill says, frowning, "I can't stand romanticised suicide. What an absurd play."

Jacobs shakes her head. "No, she had a hard time coping but she got through it. Well, sort of. That part is up for debate. She would leave in the middle of class because of an urgent phone call, or show up in a right state, anything from sunburned to soaking wet. I liked talking to her, but as the months went on, it just became obvious that she didn't care about teaching anymore."

"Imagine that," Quill says, sarcastically.

Jacobs either doesn't notice the sarcasm or ignores it. "And then one week she just didn't turn up at all. The next week we got a phone call, had a funeral. And I've never been able to stop wondering what happened to her. What she got involved in that made her like that - because I talked to the ones that worked with her before Pink's death, and they said that for the most part she was incredibly attentive to her work."

"Wondering about things you have no ways to find the answers to is the shortest path to insanity, I don't recommend it," Quill tells her. "Anyway, this has been a fascinating history lesson I didn't ask for, but I have places to be."

Jacobs blinks at her. "Oh. Of course. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to delay you, or bother you."

"You delayed nothing of importance and if you'd been bothering me, I would have left," Quill replies, rolling her eyes and walking away without another word.

This Miss Jacobs really must be an idiot - or half mad - to come back to the hellhole of a school that is Coal Hill out of _choice_.

* * *

 

A week later, an alien chameleon parasite tries to take over the world by using grief as a way of feeding on clueless humans who are so ruled by their sentimentality. Just the usual Friday night in Shoreditch.

Being able to ram the bus through the heartstring of the Lankin does wonders for her morale, but it fades almost instantly as she watches the teenagers hug and gush together and becomes painfully aware of her lack of anyone to celebrate the victory with.

Most of the time she tries to tell herself that she doesn't need anyone. Nights like this one - made so much worse by the visit from her sister - remind her what bullshit that really is.

 _All I need is a gun,_ she tells herself, and while the new determination helps, it's just not convincing tonight. She goes to bed and welcomes the abyss that sleep provides her with. Her dreams involve her sister, her _real_ sister, the same conversation but as their true selves. It packs a lot more punch than the chameleon's attempt and she wakes up with a longing and loneliness in her chest that almost makes it hard to breathe.

* * *

 

Things don't get better until Monday, when she can unleash her temper on students.

"If you want to swap saliva to the extent that it dribbles all down your chin, Mr Jones, do it on your own time," she says to half of a young couple she yanks apart in the hallway.

"Miss, I wasn't able to do the homework," a student tries to say about fifty metres later.

"Don't care," she says.

It's an idiotic white boy in a backwards cap that really makes her day, though. After the itch nearly all day to make someone squirm, to make someone nearly piss themselves out of fear of her, she is given an opening when he makes a lewd sexual comment about her to his friends as he's leaving her class.

He can only be sixteen. She doesn't care. She takes him by the front of his shirt and resists the urge to slam him into the door only because she knows the _arn_ would make her pay for it dearly.

Luckily, she doesn't need physical violence to make a point.

"If I hear anything like that come out of your mouth again, Mr Agnew," she says to him, backing him up against the open door of her classroom and leaning in until there is only a few inches between their faces, "About me or any other woman or girl in this establishment, believe me when I say that I'll see to it that you never have the ability to do a single one of those things you just mentioned. Don't think I couldn't make it look like an accident - I have experience in these things and believe me when I say that you really don't want to cross me. Besides, this is Coal Hill. Your genitals could be sliced from your body and diced into tiny pieces and no one would think for a second that it had anything to do with me."

The boy is trying to put on a brave face for his friends that are watching, but she can smell the fear on him and see it shining in his eyes. No piss though. Shame.

He shoves away from her in an attempt to mask how rattled he is. "Crazy bitch," he says, which would be unacceptable towards any other teacher but just makes her smirk.

"And don't you forget it," she shouts down the hallway as he and his friends hurry off, "I've got my eye on you, Agnew."

"Wow," a new voice says from nearby, and Quill turns to see Jacobs standing a few metres away. If her lifted eyebrows and slightly widened eyes are anything to go by, she witnessed the entire exchange.

"Problem, Jacobs?" Quill asks her, crossing her arms, giving her a look that _dares_ her to say anything, to express disapproval over what she's seen. It would be tedious if the maths teacher felt the need to report her for misconduct.

"No," Jacobs replies quickly, shaking her head, "He's been incredibly out of line lately, and I think you were just the woman for the job. Has anybody told you that you're terrifying?"

"Not in far too long," Quill says with a sigh, before smirking, "So, thank you."

Jacobs laughs. "You're welcome." She doesn't move to leave, and instead just keeps regarding Quill with a kind of awe, which gets annoying within about two seconds.

"Can I help you with anything?" Quill asks her sharply.

She blushes. "Oh. No, I was just passing when all... _that_ happened." She turns to leave, only to stop and adjust her glasses. "Actually, now that you mention it - that equation's wrong. Just for the record."

With that she walks off at a quick pace, leaving Quill bemused at her audacity to take one look through the door of the classroom and make such a claim about _Quill's_ blackboard content.

" _That equation's wrong,"_ Miss Quill mimics to herself as she goes back into the room, " _I'm a human who thinks I know better than a superior alien lifeform because I teach maths."_

She looks at the equation on the board, only to frown.

Well fuck. It _is_ wrong.

Quill glances at the doorway, half-expecting to see Jacobs there looking smug even if she's not sure that's the other teacher's style. Of course, the doorway is empty. She takes to the blackboard with an eraser, her jaw set in a firm line.

She doesn't know if she's irritated or vaguely turned on by being corrected by a human apparently intelligent enough to do so.

Nope, scratch that.

Irritated. She's definitely irritated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of 16th of May, the wonderful Amatalefay has done this beautiful 'movie poster' for this fic:  
> 
> 
> Words cannot describe how happy I am, honestly.


	2. A Lesson in Persistence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coffee is a good bribe to get a certain grumpy physics teacher to tolerate one's presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, some Kalei's POV. Which is about 50% thirst. Relatable.

The first thing that went through Kalei Jacobs’ head when she first saw the blonde physics teacher leaning against the wall (whose name she wouldn’t learn until several minutes later) was _oh shit_ . The second time she saw Miss Andrea Quill and this time spoke to her, it was more along the lines of _I wonder what it would be like to have her slam me into a wall and kiss me until I can’t breathe._

Which, obviously, is neither the ideal or in any way appropriate thing for her to be thinking about a new colleague on her first day back. It doesn’t stop her from asking the other staff about Quill, though.

“So, Miss Quill-” she tries to ask the Headmaster’s secretary, only to have her make a face.

“What’s she done now? Look, just avoid her and she’ll never bother you, it’s that simple,” the woman says without looking away from her computer.

“What? She’s not done anything,” Kalei laughs. “I was just...curious about her.”

“Well, love, I’d nip that in the bud if you want to keep all your limbs attached.”

Not exactly the most encouraging response.

Come Friday, the prom is apparently disrupted but Kalei wouldn’t know because she had been busy taking a student home at the time. Thirteen days later the Headmaster goes missing, along with both of the football coaches.

Good old Coal Hill. She knows she shouldn’t have come back. But there’s something about it, a sense of _rightness_ when she’s here, even with all the renovations.

She finds herself in front of the list of the dead that Friday, telling Quill about Danny Pink and Clara Oswald like she’s an expert, which she really isn’t. But it’s got the hostile physics teacher listening to her of her own volition for the first time, and so Kalei uses it to try and gauge exactly what it is about her that is so unique (other than the fact that she’s _exactly_ Kalei’s type). It’s hard to get a read.

Another week passes, and Kalei almost forgets about just how attractive Quill is to the point of being close to following the advice of every staff member who has told her to avoid her (without any prompting on her part either, mind).

But then comes The Moment. Monday the 7th of November, about 1:34pm. The moment that Kalei knows that she is well and truly - to use language that would appall her conservative grandmother - fucked.

In her defence, she had been minding her own business. Walking to her next class. Going past Quill’s classroom is the quickest route and she has every right to be walking by. But of course, the moment of intersection happens to be right when Quill has got the Agnew boy’s shirt in her fist and backed him up against door as she tears into him.

The threats are graphic, and immensely unprofessional. And, to someone who has been losing patience with Agnew’s disgusting attitude and his lack of reception to her sharp reprimands, a joy to the ears.

 _The look on his face._ That is the fear of god in the heart of man, put there by a blonde with a tongue sharper than her heels.

“Crazy bitch,” the boy says to Quill as he runs off with his friends.

“And don’t you forget it!” Quill yells back. “I’ve got my eye on you, Agnew.”

There’s a gleam of triumph in her eye, and satisfaction in the curl of her lips. She’s five feet and six inches of sheer willpower and ferocity and it’s like watching a storm trapped inside a human body. It’s beautiful, staggeringly so.

Kalei can’t breathe. Her heart is pounding at fifty miles an hour and she’s stuck staring.

“Wow,” she breathes, without really meaning to.

Who is this woman? How does no one else seem to realise that there must be more to her than just a ‘cold bitch’ who teaches physics? Is everyone else just more scared than interested?

“Problem, Jacobs?” The sound of Quill’s voice makes Kalei jump. _She’s even hotter when she looks annoyed, how is that fair_?

“No,” she says, thanking whatever gods are real that she doesn’t stammer on the words, and she explains how Agnew had it coming. “Has anybody told you that you’re terrifying?”

For some reason, though Kalei finds that she isn’t actually surprised, Quill seems to take that as a compliment.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

It feels like progress. At least until Quill asks why she’s still standing there and Kalei realises she briefly got stuck staring at her again. Oops. But before she can leave, she gets a glimpse of Quill’s blackboard through the door of the classroom.

It takes her about a second to spot the flaw in the equation, and only half a second more to decide that yes, she does have the nerve to mention it. After all, Quill quite obviously thinks that everyone else around her is an idiot, and it’s time to put work into making her realise that isn’t true.

Kalei might have idiotic moments, but she’s clever. By all accounts a maths prodigy. Which might just come in handy for impressing a physics teacher, as it happens.

She only takes a fleeting glance at the bewilderment on Quill’s face at her mention of the equation of being wrong before forcing herself to walk away. She doesn’t want to seem like she’s doing it to be smug, because she’s not. She just wants to lay the potential for equal ground.

All the same, maybe she does feel a sense of victory just for that priceless look on her face. Point to Jacobs.

 

* * *

 

 

After the school day ends, Kalei heads for the biology department to find the only friend she has on the faculty that hasn’t since quit or ‘gone missing’. Sally Liu is five foot tall, American, and generally more interested in mitochondria than she is in people, but when she makes exceptions she’s one of the best friends Kalei has been fortunate enough to make.

“So, I think I’m about to do something really stupid,” Kalei says, leaning on the frame of Sally’s doorway.

Sally, who is in the process of packing up her desk, doesn’t look up but lets out a tiny laugh. “Oh yeah, I’ve missed these little talks of ours. Don’t you ever disappear to South Africa for three months ever again.”

“It was my grandparents’ golden jubilee, I couldn’t not be there.” Kalei glances around the empty classroom and sighs, folding her arms over her chest. “Besides, I needed a break from this place. Something about Oswald turning up dead got to me after a while. But don’t worry, I won’t be going anywhere any time soon.”

“Good,” Sally tells her, zipping up her bed and joining her in the doorway. “Now. What stupid thing are you about to embark on this time? This better not to be like when you dyed your hair the colour of the bisexuality flag for pride month.”

“That wasn’t stupid, I looked amazing,” Kalei says, only for Sally to snort with complete disagreement as they start walking through the hallways towards the school’s entrance. It’s an old argument. And it makes Kalei feel like she’s finally _home_. “But, anyway, no. Is it... too soon to say I’m in love if it’s only been a few weeks and as many conversations?” When Sally looks at her incredulously and goes to open her mouth, Kalei adds, “By which I mean, of course, utterly infatuated and not _actually_ in love.”

Sally laughs, only to give her an odd look. “You’ve been back in town, what, a month? Where have you met this person?”

Kalei weighs the pros and cons of admitting exactly who she’s infatuated with. In the end, it’s still very new and she’s pretty sure she’d rather keep it to herself.

“Just around,” Kalei says evasively, “but they’re...tricky. And I have no idea if they’d be interested in me, but I really want to at least try. What’s my best approach?”

Sally lifts an eyebrow. “I don’t know why you’re asking me. I’ve been single for five years, remember?”

“By choice.”

“Doesn’t matter. Point is, I’m not really the best person to offer advice,” Sally points out, and then shrugs, “but surely your best bet is to just flirt, make your interest known, and see what kind of response you get. Testing the water, you know.”

“I think I might need to impress her first,” Kalei says absently.

“That slip of the tongue pronoun is all the information I’m getting at this point, isn’t it?” Sally asks her, with another sigh and a shake of her head. “Some best friend you turn out to be.”

Kalei smiles sweetly at her. “Love you too.”

“What are you going to impress her with? Your zombie apocalypse plan? Or your tendency to drop things at the worst moments imaginable?”

Kalei's cheeks burn. “Maths?” she says weakly.

Sally laughs at her, but not unkindly. “Well, if she’s a dork like you, it might work.” They walk out of the front doors and past the school sign. “Look, as much as I’d love to chat about this, I really need to pick Bolin up from daycare.”

“It’s fine, give him a big hug from me, and give your brother my love too,” Kalei says.

“You’ll have to come for dinner sometime soon.”

“Absolutely.”

 

* * *

 

 

One morning, a Wednesday, Miss Quill finds herself at school early. The lovebirds had been so sickeningly affectionate in the general living space and ignoring her complaints about it that she left an entire hour early just to get away from them.

The school is quiet. Empty in a way that would be disconcerting if she hadn’t been here after-hours many times before. She goes into the staff room out of sheer curiosity only to find it utterly deserted but for the history teacher in one of the chairs, lightly snoring. Why he’s there, she has no idea, but if he’s asleep he can’t try to talk to her so that’s a plus.

The coffee machine is blessedly free of anyone else trying to use it, and while it makes terrible coffee, she’ll take what she can get.

“Oh!” a bright voice says, when the coffee is about halfway done. “I didn’t expect to see you here. What a nice surprise.”

Quill turns around to see Jacobs standing near the door, smiling widely at her. It’s disconcerting since Quill can’t spot any immediate reason for such a reaction, so she can’t help frowning at her.

“Are you talking to me?” she asks, with confusion.

Jacobs lifts an eyebrow. “Well, I figured Mr Travers might struggle with holding a decent conversation at this particular point in time.”

Quill glances at Travers, who is still snoring, and then back at Jacobs. “Yes, but why would seeing me be a nice surprise?”

“I don’t usually see you in here, let alone at this hour, that’s all,” Jacobs says, shifting the papers in her arms so that she can adjust her glasses, in what Quill suspects might be some kind of nervous reflex. The papers slip out of her grasp and fall to the floor. She curses under her breath and bends to pick them up, with the resignation of someone who has done it a million times before.

“But you said _nice_ ,” Quill says flatly, “I’m not nice, so seeing me isn’t nice for anyone. So how could it be a nice surprise?”

Jacobs laughs a little as she straightens up, papers back in her arms. “Give yourself a little credit, you’re not _that_ sore on the eyes. And not all of us need people to be super lovely to everybody all the time to be likeable.”

“I’m not likeable.”

“Debatable.” Jacobs grins at her, a sort of playfulness in her eyes.

“Stop doing that,” Quill snaps, unnerved.

The grin slips slightly. “Doing what?”

“Smiling at me,” Quill says, turning to the coffee machine and taking her coffee so that she can hold it and shift her focus to something less bizarre than this damned maths teacher. “People don’t smile at me. It’s disconcerting.”

For a moment, it looks like Jacobs is trying to work out if she’s joking or not, before apparently believing her. “Well, you’re just going to have to get used to it, Andrea, because I don’t have any intentions to stop.”

“Oh god, don’t ever call me that again,” Quill says, making a face of disgust before taking a large gulp of coffee.

“What, Andrea? Do you prefer Andy?”

“No,” she says sharply, “I prefer Quill. Just Quill.”

“It feels ridiculous, calling you by your surname,” Jacobs argues. “We’re colleagues, equals. Surnames are for formality, and that’s not really what I’m aiming for.”

Quill snorts. “Oh really? And what _are_ you aiming for?”

The other woman just shrugs and gives her an oddly coy smile. “I don’t know. A smile might be nice.”

“Well, I tend to prefer marking homework or putting salt in open wounds than smiling at anything that isn’t the bane of my existence suffering misfortune, so best of luck with that,” Quill retorts.

Jacobs laughs, but in a way that makes it obvious she doesn’t quite know how to react to that. “Wow, you really are... something.”

“Cold bitch, I know.”

“I was going to go with: refreshingly unique and unconcerned with what anybody thinks of you,” Jacobs says, smiling _again._  “Which is a good thing. I promise.”

Quill blinks. That’s a new one. “Are you this optimistic about everything? It’s ridiculous.”

Jacobs turns red and finally looks unsettled. Good. “Um, no. Not everything. I just-” Another adjustment of glasses. Definitely a nervous reflex. “Look, am I bothering you? Because I don’t want to be.”

“I haven’t decided yet,” Quill says honestly, narrowing her eyes.

“It just seems like people don’t have the nerve to make the effort with you, you know?”

“And why would you think that I’m worth _the effort_? What in the world could possibly have led you to believe that I’d be decent company?”

It might sound self-deprecating, but Quill has no delusions about how unpleasant she is to be around. She’s horrid to everybody, wasn’t particularly good at jokes on Rhodia let alone here, and is inherently self-serving now that she is without a people to fight for.

Jacobs regards her oddly. “I don’t know. But if I don’t put in the effort to try and get to know you, how else will I find out?”

Quill has no idea how to respond to that. What is _with_ this human? Why can’t she just give Quill a wide berth like everybody else does? Why does she have to disrupt the pattern? (It might be a pattern that is slowly sucking the life from Quill, but she really doesn’t know how to deal with any alternative.)

She realises that she’s just staring at Jacobs, who is shifting uncomfortably under her gaze. So she coughs and stands to the side.

“Sorry, you probably want to use the machine,” she mutters, in what is by her standards a thoughtful gesture in response to the bemusing but well meaning kindness being directed at her.

Jacobs shakes her head, chuckling. “Not even a little bit. It’s sacrilegious for me to drink anything that comes out of that machine. Coffee is sacred, and I have high standards.”

Quill arches an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? Then where do you get it from?”

Jacobs grins at her. “A place around the corner, about five minutes away. I could take you there sometime, if you like.”

“I don’t need a guide, some simple directions would suffice.”

Before the maths teacher can respond, several teachers come into the room, and Quill makes a face and heads for the door.

“And that’s my cue to leave,” she says to Jacobs on her way out.

It’s a relief to get back out in the hallway and be able to head to her classroom to gather her thoughts. Being smiled at so much in the space of one conversation is nothing short of utterly bewildering, and Quill has no idea how to process it.

Just _what_ has possessed this maths teacher to try and make friends with her? Or is there something else going on?

It occurs to Quill that she could be dealing with another robot. She dismisses the idea a moment later when she remembers that the last robot couldn’t speak, and that Jacobs had displayed none of the other signs. Besides, the over-smiling is such a _human_ trait. All the same, she’s sure of one thing.

It needs to stop.

 

* * *

 

 

That Friday, Quill is enjoying her lunchtime - her favourite time of day, because she can sit in her classroom, blissfully separated from students or anyone else who might try to talk to her.

Until, for the second time, a knock on the door disturbs her and she looks up to see Miss ‘can’t take a hint’ Jacobs standing there with - unsurprisingly - a big smile on her face.

“What?” Quill asks, making sure her hostility is present in her voice. “This is the one time of day I get any peace, you know.”

Jacobs bites her lip. “I promise I’ll be quick then,” she says, and strides forward to hold out two cardboard coffee cups to Quill that say something about espresso on the side. “I didn’t know how you liked your coffee, so I got one white and one black, and I’ve got sugar in my pocket if you need it. It’s from that place around the corner that I told you about. This is the real stuff. I’m about to change your life.”

“I sincerely doubt that,” Quill replies, but she can’t help but be curious. She has to hand it to Jacobs, she’s found one of the four things on Earth guaranteed to hold her attention. (The others being chocolate, cats, and Charlie.)

“You’ll be singing a different tune in a minute,” Jacobs insists, wiggling the cups. “Now, this one is black, this one is white. Take your pick. I’m fine with either, so I’ll just have the one you don’t want.”

Quill takes the black one and turns down the offer of sugar. Before she goes to drink, she looks at Jacobs curiously.

“Why would you do this? Spend money and time on me?”

“Maybe I have ulterior motives,” Jacobs says with a grin, “Or, maybe I worship coffee and am adamant that you experience it in its purest form because any alternative causes me physical pain.”

“Don’t ruin coffee with hyperbole,” Quill says, rolling her eyes as she takes a sip.

The coffee is like nothing Quill has ever tasted before. Bitter, rich, delicious in a way she could never describe, making every other coffee she’s tried since arriving here seem as worthless as the staff room crap.

“Oh my god.” She greedily gulps down more.

Jacobs grins with triumph and takes a sip of her own coffee, leaning against Quill’s desk. “I told you. You’re welcome.”

“Thank you,” Quill says, and genuinely means it. She takes another sip and then notices something. “Your hair. It’s...bigger.”

“That’s what happens when you don’t tie it up, yes,” Jacobs tells her, laughing.

It had been so well confined before that Quill had never paid it much attention. But now, it’s loose and the tight brown curls surround her head like a halo, big and beautiful and falling short of her collarbone by a few centimetres.

“It looks better like this,” Quill says, “though less practical for if you were to get into a fight. Easy to grab.”

“Well, I don’t tend to get into a huge number of physical altercations, so it’s not been a problem yet,” Jacobs says with a grin. “But I’ll take that first part as a compliment.”

They sit in silence for a few moments, drinking their coffee.

“What’s your first name?” Quill eventually asks. Jacobs blinks at her, with a look of slight disbelief, before she bursts out laughing. “Oh, sure. Do that instead of answering. Very helpful.”

“Kalei,” she manages to get out between giggles, “my name is Kalei. Which, for the record, you are definitely allowed to call me, because I don’t have a weird thing for my surname.”

“Have you considered that maybe I’m just not comfortable with my first name?” Quill asks.

Kalei frowns. “Oh. Is there a... particular reason for that?” Her eyes widen. “Is it a gender thing? If you’d prefer we use different pronouns or anything, I can help get the word around-”

Quill finds herself oddly amused by her earnest attitude. “No, nothing like that,” she says, “though that’s extremely... considerate of you. I just prefer Quill. Andy is alright, I suppose, but not remotely dignified enough.”

“Dignified isn’t really the point of nicknames.”

“No, nicknames indicate familiarity and intimacy, which would require me actually having at least one friend,” Quill says.

“Don’t your family call you Andrea?”

“My family are dead; they don’t call me anything. But no, I went by a different name back then.” Just why she’s telling Kalei all this, she’s not sure. Maybe just because she can, because Kalei is actually interested and listening and that sets her apart from almost anyone she’s yet to meet on this planet.

“Oh,” Kalei says, her face falling, “I’m sorry. Was it recent?”

“Fairly,” Quill replies, and takes a long drink of her coffee, “I’d rather change the subject now. Why did you leave Coal Hill?”

“Armitage said why in that staff meeting.”

“I didn’t care, so I wasn’t listening.”

Kalei snorts. “Ah. That would explain it. My grandparents’ golden jubilee in South Africa. Decided to take an extended holiday to make the most of the trip and spend time with them. The whole Clara Oswald thing had me a bit rattled, I needed a break from this place.”

Quill has no idea what a golden jubilee is, and makes a mental note to look it up later. “What’s South Africa like?”

“Warm,” Kalei replies, smiling, “Sunny, mostly dry. My dream weather, unlike here. They’re obsessed with cricket, though, so not too different from here at all, really.”

“I couldn’t care less about cricket.”

“Neither could I, but I’m a Brit of South African descent, so I don’t have much choice in the matter. It makes allegiances tricky come competition time, though.”

Of course humans have allegiances when it comes to sports. How ridiculous.

“And what’s your allegiance?” Quill asks, almost amused.

“I’m British,” Kalei says firmly, “In case the accent didn’t give it away. British through and through. It’s meant some strongly worded arguments with _umkhulu-_ ” When Quill gives her a confused look, she adds, “Grandfather. All in good fun though. It’s how we bond, arguing about cricket.”

“Interesting.” It is, strangely enough. Plus it’s strategic to learn more about humans and how they operate.

The bell rings, and Kalei looks disappointed. Quill is surprised to realise that she shares the sentiment. They sit there in silence for about twenty seconds, both reluctant to disturb their last moments of peace.

“Well, I’m glad you liked the coffee,” Kalei says finally, standing up properly again and taking a step back, “Do I have permission to come back in here again, with more coffee, since you seem to avoid the staff room like it carries the plague?”

“I’m not sure,” Quill replies, her lips quirking as she leans back in her chair. “Would a lack of permission be likely to stop you? You’re awfully persistent.”

“Lack of permission isn’t the same as a prohibition, so no,” Kalei says as she backs up, grinning at her.

“Would prohibition stop you?” Students have started to come in, but Quill pays them no mind.

Kalei shrugs, mischief in her eye. “What can I say? I like a challenge.” She winks at Quill, before turning around and walking right into Charlie, sending them both sprawling to the ground.

Coffee goes everywhere and Kalei’s glasses clatter to the floor, and the students let out a mixture of gasps and laughter. Quill just watches, eyebrow up.

“Bollocks,” Kalei says, sighing, “I’m so sorry. It’s Charlie, isn’t it?”

Charlie, to Quill’s delight, is covered in almost as much coffee as Kalei is. “Yes, that’s me,” he says, looking a little put out but rushing to help Kalei back to her feet. “Oh, your glasses.”

“Thank you.” Kalei glances back at Quill as she puts them back on, her cheeks burning. “Sorry about your floor.”

Quill snorts. “Just get out of here, Jacobs, before you make any more of a mess.”

“The gratitude for bringing you life-changing coffee is astounding,” Kalei replies, snorting, “Or do you not want anyone else to know that you’re capable of the words _thank you_?”

“Out,” Quill repeats, and Kalei grins before finally making her exit.

When she turns to look at the class, most of them are looking at her with shock, especially the Bunghole Defence Squad.

“I didn’t know you were actually physically capable of smiling,” Ram says, amazed.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I wasn’t smiling.”

“It was disturbingly close,” Tanya agrees, “but the real question is, why is Miss Jacobs flirting with you?” Behind her, Charlie says ‘flirting?!’ with enough alarm to briefly amuse Quill.

April snorts. “Please, Miss Quill is _so_ not Miss Jacobs’ type.”

Tanya is adamant. “She was all _I like a challenge_ , and winked at her. That’s flirting. Not to mention, she kept blushing. Like, more than normal. And it’s not like we don’t know she’s super bisexual, there was that time she literally dyed her hair purple and-”

“I’m sorry, what gave you the impression that Miss Jacobs’ personal life is something you can discuss in my class?” Quill asks them, narrowing her eyes.

Tanya shrugs, a funny grin on her lips. “I’m just saying, Miss. I think you’ve got an admirer.”

Quill makes a show of rolling her eyes and looking disgusted, even though she’s realised rather belatedly that Tanya is exactly right (which she often is, annoyingly enough).

_A smile might be nice…_

_I could take you there sometime, if you like…_

_What can I say? I like a challenge._

Well, that explains a lot. Of course, working out how she feels about this development is going to take a while and dealing with these infuriating teenagers has to come first.

“Eh, she’s not been around long enough for my reputation as a stone cold bitch to sink in yet, she’ll get over it,” Quill says, shrugging. “I imagine it’ll be the next faculty joke, the time someone made the mistake of thinking well of me.”

At least half the class laughs at that, and the bizarre atmosphere in the room fades back to normal. Quill writes an equation on the board, gets them working, and sits at her desk with her iPad.

Her coffee is still hot and the best thing to happen to her all month. She drinks it and thinks about the Kalei situation. Romantic/sexual interest explains Kalei’s odd persistence, and Quill finds herself rather flattered, if only because the interest must run quite deep if she’s willing to try and get past Quill’s abrasive personality and loner tendencies.

The only conclusion Quill can come to about how _she_ feels about the situation, however, is that she isn’t remotely certain about any of it.

But the knowledge that someone on this planet likes her, that someone actually looked at her and decided they wanted her - it’s like a lifeline for the loneliness that has been closing in on her like a shrinking room. Even if that someone is an annoyingly cheerful maths teacher prone to dropping things.

Quill feels strangely warm inside, and isn’t entirely certain it’s down to the coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are still liking it! Please do let me know what you thought in a comment. :)


	3. Flirting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After realising she wants Kalei, Quill doesn't hesitate to make it known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now....the MUTUAL thirst begins.

Kalei brings Quill coffee the following Monday at lunchtime. Her hair is loose again, and now that Quill is aware of the nature of her interest, she has to wonder if she’s made that decision specifically because Quill said it looked better.

It _does_ look nice. She’s also wearing dark pink lipstick today.

“Thank you,” Quill says to her when she’s handed the cup. “So what did I do to deserve this this time?” She knows the answer now, of course, but Kalei doesn’t know that.

Kalei opens her mouth to reply, but seems to come up short. She shuts it again and turns pink. Quill lifts an eyebrow at her and smirks. The blush only deepens.

“Lack of preparation will lose you marks, Jacobs,” Quill says with amusement, “At least have the foresight to come up with some kind of excuse.”

“Excuse?” Kalei asks, a little weakly. Quill considers just telling her that she’s worked it out. But where would the fun in that be, when she could watch her squirm for a little longer instead?

“For why you’re here, again, with me, instead of anywhere else in this school. Either you don’t actually have any friends - an option we can discount because I saw you being all chummy with that biology teacher this morning, or you’re avoiding somebody, _or_ you have a specific interest in me. So which is it?”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Kalei retorts. She sips her coffee and does a fairly convincing job of playing it casual. But her free hand fixes her glasses, and that would have been a dead give away even if Quill didn’t already know better.

“So who are you avoiding, then?” Quill asks with faux-innocence, getting to her feet so that she has the height advantage back because Kalei is leaning against her desk again.

Kalei’s eyes flick down to the now smaller gap between them. “It’s not important. You don’t need to worry about it.”

“Why, because it’s none of my business? Or because it’s not real?” Quill asks wryly, stepping closer until Kalei’s knee brushes against her left leg for just a moment. The human swallows and lifts her cup to her lips again, probably for something to do that isn’t eyeing the space between them.  

Quill just holds her gaze.

It’s the Quill way of exploring a possible connection of a romantic or sexual nature - prolonged eye contact to gauge if the connection is solid. (Probably part of the reason she got a bit of the wrong idea from the robot.) She’s fairly sure that it isn’t quite the same as how humans go about it, but from the films she’s watched she knows it doesn’t go _against_ human romance conventions either.

Kalei impresses her by keeping her own gaze steady, brown boring into blue intently while her teeth bite on her lower lip. The steady eye contact does more for briefly abiding Quill’s rampant loneliness than anything she’s yet experienced on Earth. Which says a lot about how low her standards for humanoid contact are, really.

Finally, Quill just smiles slightly before turning away and picking her coffee cup back up, taking a sip before getting started on a new equation for her next class.

“You were right,” she says.

Kalei takes a good ten seconds to respond, but Quill doesn’t look around in that time. “I - I what?”

“About the equation on my board last week. It was wrong. You were right.” They’re not the easiest words for Quill to say, but they also aren’t as painful to get out as they would have been if it had been anyone but this ridiculous maths teacher.

“I know,” Kalei replies, “Maths is what I do.”

“Yes, but I was surprised to realise you actually seem to do it well.”

“Ooh, compliment from Andrea Quill herself,” Kalei says, chuckling. “How exclusive a club is that, out of curiosity?”

“You’re probably the singular member at the moment,” Quill says, still focused on the blackboard and the equation, “though there’s a chance I’ve said something good about Tanya Adeola once or twice. She’s actually got half a brain.”

“Oh, I love that girl,” Kalei says with a happy sigh, “only she could handle being three years younger than all her peers. Is she friends with April MacLean now?”

“Don’t know, don’t care,” Quill replies. It’s not _entirely_ true, but not exactly a lie either.  

Kalei snorts at her response. “Charming.”

“Cold bitch, remember? Stop being so surprised.”

They fall into a silence, but one that is comfortable. Quill keeps dragging the chalk across the blackboard. The abrasive sound is almost soothing to her. When the equation is done she steps back and turns around to find Kalei’s eyes on her.

“You have no idea how much of a relief it is that you know when to shut up,” Quill says to her, taking the last gulp of her coffee and moving across the room to toss the cup in the bin.

“Thanks,” Kalei says, sounding offended. Sure enough, when she glances back, the younger woman looks hurt.

Quill makes a face. Why do people’s feelings have to be so _fragile_?

“I only meant silence is underrated,” she explains as she heads back towards the desk to stand in front of her. “You know when to hold a conversation and when to just... coexist with somebody in the same space. Without the need for pointless chatter.”

They’re standing close together again, about half a metre between them. Kalei’s eyes regard her carefully, curiously.

“I’d never... thought about it like that. Is that your friend criteria, then? Capable of silent coexistence from time to time?”

“I’d need actual friends to have a friend criteria more complex than _someone I can stand and vice versa_ ,” Quill snorts. She moves to lean against the desk as well, so that they are shoulder to shoulder, almost touching but not quite.

Well, except for their fingers - splayed over the wood and now overlapping. Quill is as hyper-aware of them as she is of everything regarding her own physicality, and she hears Kalei breathe in a little more sharply than usual.

“You must have _some_ ,” Kalei says after a brief hesitation that Quill suspects has more to do with the unexpected physical contact than their topic of conversation. She smiles at Quill. “Or at least, I don’t know, acquaintances you don’t hate.”

Quill gives her a sceptical look. “Why must I?”

“Because you said you don’t have family, so you must have friends, or else you wouldn’t have-” Kalei trails off, a deep frown creasing her brow when Quill holds her gaze defiantly, Kalei’s expression turns to one of horror. “Anyone.”

“Have I mentioned that it’s _really fun_ being me?” Quill says with possibly her most bitter sarcasm yet.

“I just-” Kalei shakes her head a little. “ _No one_ ? Really? Not _anyone_?” Quill just shrugs, disliking how strangely self-conscious she feels about it. “Well, that settles it then.”

Quill frowns at her with confusion. “Settles what?”

Kalei smiles. “You’re just going to have to settle for me. We’re friends now. No argument.”

“Is that right?” Quill asks, lifting an eyebrow, a hint of amusement in her voice. “And what exactly does that entail, then?”

That’s when the bell rings and Kalei’s eyes hold hers. The spark of mischief is back. “Whatever you want, really,” she says, grinning, “I’m flexible.”

Quill’s eyebrows lift at that, but before she can reply, Kalei gets up and heads straight for the door. Probably to hide the pink in her cheeks at her own bravado, that Quill _does_ still manage to notice before she turns away completely.

What happens next shouldn’t really be a surprise, but it is.

It’s a rush through Quill’s blood that makes her whole body shudder as she stares after the human on the way out of the door. A rush of desire, the aching need that’s been trapped in her body having found a possible outlet - someone attractive that she actually doesn’t despise.

In that tiny cluster of moments as Kalei is leaving, Quill is hit with the conscious realisation that yes, she wants her. As in, wants to march up to her, yank her back into the classroom, and have her way with her right then and there against the locked door until the human is begging for release.

Which is.... sudden, but not unpleasant. The Quill sexual appetite was never known for being a particularly gentle or tame thing, so it’s hardly surprising that it’s taken all of five seconds to spark up.

“Well,” Quill says, smirking at the empty doorway that Kalei has just vacated, “I guess that settles that.”

* * *

 

It turns out that realising she wants the maths teacher isn’t quite the simple revelation she had initially thought. There’s a few small problems. Most of it boils down to:

  1. This is not Rhodia.
  2. Her natural instincts for this sort of thing are impossible for her nowadays thanks to the _arn_ , and even if they weren’t, she doubts the psuedo death match is remotely what Kalei has in mind.
  3. She doesn’t know how humans go about these things, Charlie got his human at a fancy dance and she can’t just conjure one of those out of thin air.
  4. She _really_ doesn’t know what to do.



She knows what she’d like to do, which is basically what she attempted with the robot but better researched, more thorough, and hopefully a lot less disappointing. But she knows enough about humans to know it’s not the best idea.

When she next sees Kalei, it’s just in passing in the hallway at the end of the day and her friend (!) flashes her a quick smile as she goes past. Quill has to fight down the surprisingly powerful urge to grab the other woman by the arms, slam her into the nearest vertical surface, and rip all her clothes off.

It’s a little alarming. She’s been so busy dealing with her very confused bloodlust that with everything else going on she hadn’t even considered that some of her _other_ primal instincts might rear up.

Luckily lust is something that - no matter how powerfully she might feel it - she’s always been good at controlling. Which is fortunate given that an indication of interest on Kalei’s part - which she has yet to even give explicitly - is _not_ the same as consenting to all the rest of it, and doing anything like that without someone’s consent is something she’d found abominable even _before_ losing her own free will.

Plus there’s the whole ‘surrounded by students’ issue. Not exactly subtle. (Not that subtlety is her style, but even _she_ has limits.)

When she gets home that day, she decides her best hope for research is probably films about romance since humans seem to be obsessed with them. Googling what humans consider the ‘best’ ones turns out to be like navigating a minefield since so many of them are not remotely applicable to her situation or just plain stupid.

 _When Harry Met Sally_ \- synopsis involves a debate on whether men and women can be friends. Ridiculous. She doesn’t go near it.

 _Sleepless in Seattle -_ she’s not in Seattle, nor unable to sleep, and she’s not trying to romance someone she’s never met.

 _Pretty Woman_ \- as far as she knows, Kalei is not a prostitute. Bit of a shame, really. That might have made this all a lot easier.  

Finally she settles on one called _Love Actually_ , which seems to be made out of multiple subplots and therefore should work as wider research, and it deals with this holiday ‘Christmas’ that she’s started hearing so much about. Two birds with one stone.

The movie has its amusing parts, and certainly lays out a variety of different social dynamics that are vaguely interesting in the same way the more boring parts of a nature documentary are (the bits where the animals aren’t trying to kill each other, that is).

The cheating storyline really highlights something she finds ridiculous in humans - their complete reliance on monogamy as a societal structure even though it is a structure many of them struggle to maintain. It shouldn’t be a difficult decision to leave a relationship if you decide you want something else, or at least communicate within the relationship to allow room for indulging in something or some _one_ else.

She likes the part of the film where the woman chooses her mentally ill brother over the boyfriend. Family and loyalty are important. It’s good to know that humans sometimes get their priorities right. Her favourite part, however, is the romance between the adult film body doubles. Those two have their act together.

The next film she tries is _The Notebook_.

Her feelings - and yes, she does have them, oddly - are mixed on this one. The way the male lead goes about trying to get the female to like him is infuriating and manipulative, and while the whole thing serves for an interesting history lesson, she dislikes both main characters a great deal.

“I wrote you every day for a year!” the male main shouts.

“Oh, for god’s sake,” Quill says, and takes a swig from the bottle of vodka she’d grabbed about twenty minutes into the movie.

Despite everything, the ending has a surprisingly powerful effect on her, by her standards at least. She doesn’t _cry_ or anything like that, but finds herself horrified by the concept of forgetting one’s loved ones. Even the _thought_ of the possibility of forgetting all of her people, all the people she fought for and lost, makes her want to be sick.  

The running theme that she detects about romantic movies is that it’s all a bit... emotional. While she can appreciate that that’s the point, it doesn’t help her a whole lot on the Kalei front. After all, she’s dealing with physical urges, not insurmountable sappy sentiments that she feels the need to express for fear of bursting.

She watches _Crazy Stupid Love_. The part where the younger couple go home with sexual intentions but get derailed by conversation and moments of emotional connection is irksome - if only because seems incredibly unrealistic both for what she’s observed of human sex drives, and certainly for her own. At least the chaotic revelations at the end of the film are somewhat amusing. Humans are such bizarrely messy social creatures.

In terms of research, she’s not convinced she wants to follow many of the cues in any of these movies. It looks like she’s just going to have to work this one out on her own.

Having a selective sex drive really is quite inconvenient. Being able to shag some random in a bar would be so much easier than whatever this is.

* * *

 

The sound of the lunch bell has been a savoured part of Kalei’s day ever since she started teaching. But as of this week, it also now means heading to the coffee place around the corner to get coffee for her and Quill. Today she plans on ducking into the bathroom first to check on her hair and reapply her lipstick, but that plan goes down the drain when she walks right into Quill while on the way out of her classroom door.

“Oh!” Kalei exclaims. “What are you... doing here?” She runs a hand through her hair and leans against the doorway to try and look more collected than she feels, but has no idea of whether it works. She normally needs a good ten minutes to work up the nerve to approach Quill, so unsurprisingly this impromptu visit has her unprepared heart hammering against her ribs.

“That looks uncomfortable,” Quill says instead of answering, narrowing her eyes at Kalei’s arm which, yes, is not particularly happy with the angle she’s managed to get it on.

So much for looking collected.

She tries to think of a justification but comes up completely short, so settles for stepping away from the door and clasping her hands behind her back before they can get any more stupid ideas.

“Um, to what do I owe this nice surprise?” she asks, smiling. Her heart is slowly getting itself under control.

“Felt like a walk,” Quill replies, shrugging once. “Figured I could come with you to the coffee place. Unless you’re planning on using the location as leverage over me.”

“Only you could make coffee sound like a conspiracy,” Kalei laughs, “but company for the walk sounds brilliant.”

“Your bag’s still on the floor,” Quill says, and makes no move to pick it up from where it had to have fallen when they collided. They both stare at it, and Kalei’s cheeks burn as she ducks to scoop it up and put it back over her shoulder. “Good. Lead the way, then.”

“So, how’s your day been so far?” Kalei asks as they head out of the school.

“About the same as always.”

“That bad?”

Quill’s lips quirk, and when she glances at Kalei there’s something new in her eyes, an intensity that makes Kalei feel oddly exposed. “Do we have to do the small talk?”

“No,” Kalei is quick to say, “but you’re going to have to think of a _better_ conversation topic, I’m not the best when put on the spot.”

“What about cats?” Quill’s suggestion makes Kalei chuckle.

“Excellent choice,” she says, “Do you have any?”

“No, I just enjoy looking at them on the internet.” Quill looks at her with interest. “What about you? Do you have a cat?” There’s something in her voice that makes it sound like the possibility of Kalei owning a cat is something that’s only just occurred to her.

Kalei grins. “Yes, I do. His name is Xenophilius, he’s very fluffy and very fat, and as far as he’s concerned, _he_ owns the apartment.”

Quill actually smiles. Just a little. Kalei wants to do a happy dance in celebration of such a breakthrough, but settles for just grinning even wider.

“Maybe you could introduce the two of us sometime,” Quill says, turning her gaze back to the footpath ahead of them.

“I’d love to!” Kalei tells her. She wants to die from embarrassment at how eager she sounds, but thankfully, as per usual, Quill doesn’t seem deterred by her enthusiasm.

“Do you have as many flowers in your home as you tend to wear on your person?” Quill asks her, glancing at the dress Kalei is wearing today, which is purple and white with a rose design.

Kalei flushes, but manages to recover and just shrug. “Suppose you’ll have to come and find out,” she says, grinning.

Quill smirks. “You strike a hard bargain.” They walk in silence for a few moments before the blonde speaks again. “You know, before I could be bothered to remember your name, I just thought of you as Floral Dress in my head.”

“Really?” Kalei has to laugh at that. “I suppose that’s fair.”

“Seriously, what is it with the flowers and the dresses?”

“What is it with you and the power suits and monochrome colours?” Kalei retorts, and Quill looks surprised. “See, two can play at this game. How good you look in them is beside the point.”

“Oh?” Quill comes to a stop and turns to look at her with amusement, smirk on her lips and eyebrow up. “And how good _do_ I look in them, Miss Jacobs? Feel free to use excessive detail.” She takes a step forward as she speaks, closing the gap between them until they’re almost toe to toe.

“Like you don’t know,” Kalei replies, her heart racing at the unexpected turn in the conversation, and her hands clutching her skirts to avoid fiddling with her glasses.

Quill’s gaze is too intense. Too heated. Too... knowing? _Shit, I guess I really did just give myself away. Wait, what was that about excessive detail -_

“I don’t know anything except that I’ve come to have a new appreciation for floral skirts over the last two days,” Quill says, making Kalei blink at her.

“Wait - what?”

The blonde snorts. “Come now, Jacobs, you were just starting to have me convinced that you’re mildly intelligent.”

“But I-” Kalei stares at her. “You’re flirting with me.”

“Astutely observed,” Quill says, rolling her eyes. When Kalei just opens and shuts her mouth several times instead of replying, Quill arches an eyebrow. “Is there a problem? I was under the impression that’s what you wanted.”

“Well, yes, but-”

“But what?” She’s starting to look exasperated now. How can Kalei explain?

“I suppose I just didn’t...think this through,” Kalei says slowly, adjusting her glasses and swallowing, “The whole you flirting back thing. I didn’t... expect to get this far. Or I expected it to take longer because you’re...you.”

“I’m not the type for keeping quiet about these sorts of things, Kalei,” Quill tells her, “I realised on Friday the nature of your interest in me, yesterday my interest in you, and see little point in not making it known.”

Kalei takes a deep breath in an attempt to process. “Oh.”

Quill smirks. “Not that the idea of watching you try and be subtle about it wasn’t delightful in its own way, but I don’t entirely trust myself or these rather alarming new urges to pin you to the nearest hard surface and fuck you until you forget your own name-”

“Oh my god,” Kalei says, feeling her whole face and neck flush as she turns away from Quill and resumes walking in the direction of the coffee shop. “I _really_ didn’t prepare myself for this.”

It’s too late. The images are there in her head, playing out like an X-rated film. Quill’s honesty about what she wants is alarming but also _immensely_ arousing and to say that Kalei has no idea how to react to it would be the understatement of the year.

Well, she knows that a part of her wants to just say ‘alright, I live ten minutes away’ and be done with it, since she’s fairly sure Quill would take her up on the offer. But they’ve only known each other for about a month, only properly interacted over the last week, only been friends for a couple of days (officially only _one_ day), and the whole thing would be so incredibly unprofessional.

“Have I overstepped?” Quill asks, her longer strides catching her up with Kalei easily. She doesn’t exactly look worried, but she is frowning a little.

“Um,” is all Kalei can say, “I don’t know. Not exactly. It’s just... a lot to take in. Like I say, I was expecting more time to work all this out.”

“Nothing has to change because of anything we’ve said in the last ten minutes,” Quill tells her seriously as they fall back into step with each other.

That helps Kalei’s heart rate considerably. “Okay. Good.”

“But sex is on the table if at any point you want to take me up on that,” she continues, before smirking, “Metaphorically speaking, that is. Though the literal interpretation could easily be arranged.”

Kalei lets out a nervous laugh. “Alright, you’re going to need to stop doing that.”

Quill tilts her head slightly. “Doing what?”

“Giving me fuel for enough sexual fantasies to last me a good five years,” Kalei says breathlessly just as they reach the coffee shop. Quill laughs at her. “Let’s just... slow down and get this coffee, yeah?”

“Coffee sounds good,” Quill agrees. She looks far too pleased with herself as they go into the shop and get in line.

Kalei takes several deep breaths. She can do this. This is what she wanted, more or less. It would have been a little easier if it had taken a little longer and involved going on a dinner date or something, but in hindsight Quill is just so indescribably different from other people that things were never really going to go the usual way.

They stand in silence for at least a minute before Quill breaks it.

“Look, I’m...sorry if I’m going about this all wrong,” she says to Kalei quietly. Her eyes are guarded, and a little uncertain. “This sort of thing really isn’t my area. I have _no_ idea what I’m doing. If I step out of line, tell me.”

Kalei’s chest warms a little at that. “You’re doing fine,” she says, smiling at her, “The honesty is actually pretty refreshing. It’s just going to take a while to get used to.”

“Good,” Quill says, nodding, “Because, as disgustingly sentimental as this sounds...given that you’re my only friend in this godforsaken place, I’d rather not scare you off.”

“I don’t scare easily,” Kalei tells her, and Quill doesn’t look particularly convinced. But that’s when they reach the front of the line, and Kalei orders. Quill then steps in and orders her own coffee immediately after so that she can pay for both.

Kalei nearly protests, but at the last second decides to simply thank Quill for the gesture.

“It’s simple repayment,” the blonde says, shrugging as they leave the shop and head back towards the school. “No need to get sentimental about it.”

Kalei rolls her eyes and considers her next words as they walk. “So, now that we’ve established that we want to rip each other’s clothes off, does that theoretically mean I could ask you out on a date?”

Quill frowns and takes a long drink from her cup. “Depends. What would that entail?”

“Whatever you wanted, really,” Kalei replies, only to add, “Sex excluded. For now.” Quill looks marginally disappointed, but chuckles a moment later, which reassures Kalei somewhat. “I’m going to make a guess and say that going out to dinner somewhere wouldn’t interest you much?”

“You guess correctly.”

“Hm. We’ll have to get more creative.”

“What exactly is a date defined as, anyway?” Quill looks strangely tentative about the question, like she’s worried Kalei is going to think she’s bizarre for asking.

Kalei shrugs. “Whatever we decide is one. We really don’t need to worry about labelling anything. The main point of ‘dates’ is for intent to be made known, and since that’s not really a problem…”

“Oh,” Quill says, looking rather pleased, “Alright. Good.”

“We could always go and see a film together?” Kalei asks. “It’s a bit basic as far as date ideas go, but it seems like maybe we should start with something a bit more public that will remove temptation for us to, well, jump the gun.”

“Jump the gun?” Quill seems immensely confused.

Kalei gives her an odd look. “Here meaning _rip each other’s clothes off prematurely_ ,” she says, laughing, and Quill’s frown dissipates to be replaced by a smirk.

“Ah. Good strategy. I approve.”

Kalei grins. “I love the way you talk.”

Quill lifts an eyebrow. “And how is that, exactly?”

“I don’t know,” Kalei says honestly, tugging on one of her earrings, “I’m sorry, was that a strange thing to say? I can’t describe what it is, exactly, there’s just something different about it. But good different. It suits you.”

“If you say so.” Quill drinks more of her coffee, and comes to a stop just as they reach the school’s sign. Two students have spotted them and are now running over.

“We’ve got a problem,” Charlie Smith tells Quill when he and April MacLean get close.

April glances at Kalei and looks strangely nervous. “A bunghole related problem. Tanya and Ram are - um. In trouble?”

Quill sighs heavily. “Let me guess, you expect me to fix it.”

“You’re meant to help us,” Charlie says, only to get elbowed in the side by April, whose continuous worried looks at Kalei make the maths teacher very confused and not half suspicious. “What? She is.”

Kalei has no idea what they’re talking about, but expects Quill to tell them to ask somebody else or just straight up refuse to help them. She hasn’t had to know Quill long to know that helping people isn’t remotely in her nature.

Quill’s jaw tenses. “Fine. You can fill me in on the way. Kalei, we’ll continue this discussion tomorrow provided the world hasn’t ended from whatever catastrophe better be urgent enough to actually require my help.”

“Couldn't I help?” Kalei asks.

The students share a look of panic but it's Quill that answers.

“Not to worry, I’ll handle it,” she says with a firmness that makes it clear it's not up for debate, “I always do, not that I ever see an ounce of gratitude.”

“Oh, stop complaining and just come on,” Charlie says to her with annoyance, “Tanya and Ram are in _trouble_.”

Kalei is - to say the least - shocked to hear such a usually polite student talk to Miss Quill of all people like that. But she is absolutely astounded to see that not only does Quill not absolutely eviscerate him, she doesn’t reprimand him at all. She just swallows hard and pushes past him and April towards the school entrance.

As they hurry after her, Kalei is left standing there utterly bewildered.

What the _hell_ was all that about?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bunghole related incident at the end is nothing to do with any episode, it's just some little thing that cropped up in between that was more easily dealt with. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


	4. The Zombie Apocalypse, and Other Troubling Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill doesn't understand why Kalei cares about the students so much, or why Kalei has a plan for this "zombie apocalypse" if she doesn't even think it's actually going to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who know about the fact that one of the sequels to this story is going to involve Tanya getting a nice cute age appropriate girlfriend, said (future) girlfriend will crop up occasionally in this story and makes her first appearance here.

Wednesday, Quill isn't at school and Kalei spends the lunch break in the staffroom chatting with her other colleagues. She hates that talking to most of them seems boring in comparison. Thursday is hectic, and when one of Kalei's students comes to her asking if she can talk to her about something, the look on her face means that spending the lunch period flirting with Quill over coffee isn't a valid option.

"I just... I know you haven't been my teacher very long, Miss, but from what people have said you're really good for if we want to talk about... stuff," the girl says.

She's a fourteen year old freckled redhead called Sophia, a quiet girl prone to making insightful comments when she has the nerve to speak up in class. Good grades, good kid, but evidently not without troubles.

"I do my best," Kalei tells her, moving to shut the classroom door before coming to sit at the desk next to the one she is standing by.

"So, they were talking about some of the stuff you did when you were here before the renovations, that you're - I mean -" Sophia looks nearly ill with nerves before blurting out, "Are you bisexual?"

Kalei had suspected it was going to be one of these conversations, so she is able to skip being surprised and go straight to giving the girl a big smile.

"Yes, I am."

Some of the tension leaves Sophia's shoulders. "I think... I'm... you know." She bites her lip. "Not bi. Just... you know."

Kalei does. She reaches into her handbag and pulls out the block of chocolate she keeps on hand at all times in case of emergencies. "Here. Have as much of this as you want."

Sophia swallows and takes the chocolate, breaking off two lines before handing it back. Kalei puts it on the desk next to the one Sophia is sitting on the edge of.

"I want you to know that it's okay to not be able to say it yet," Kalei tells her sincerely, keeping her gaze steady as the girl bites into the chocolate, "Don't feel like you have to rush. This is about you and nobody else. I'm getting the idea you've not told anyone but me?"

"No," Sophia says, before panic flashes through her eyes, "Miss, you won't tell anyone, will you? You won't call my mum, or-"

"I would never do that, Sophia," Kalei says, voice firm. "Ever. Though if you don't mind telling me where your parents stand on this sort of thing, I wouldn't mind knowing."

Sophia gulps and looks close to tears. "It's just Mum. And she hates... you know. Like, a lot. Not even for religious reasons, like my grandfather. If she found out-"

"Then she's not going to," Kalei tells her, reaching out to put her hand on her shoulder. Sophia still looks unsure, like she regrets saying anything about this to anyone. "Look, how about this? You've told me something you've never told anyone before, right?"

Sophia nods slowly.

"Well, how about I tell _you_ something I've never told anyone? Something I _really_ can't have any of the other students knowing at the moment. Would that help? Then we're even."

As expected, Sophia's face gives away how much this idea appeals to her. "Alright. What is it?"

Kalei leans in conspiratorially, and grins. "I have… the biggest crush on Miss Quill. The _biggest_. From the moment I saw her." Sophia's blue eyes widen to a comical size. "And I'm currently in the process of trying to win her over."

Sophia just stares for several seconds. "Oh my god," she says finally, with a kind of delight in her voice, "I just...oh my god. I - how's _that_ going?"

"Not as badly as you might think, actually," Kalei admits.

"Wait, so is _she-_ "

"Into women? Yes."

Sophia looks awed. "Oh." Her cheeks turn a shade of bright pink. "I, um. Wow. I feel a bit better now, actually." When Kalei gives her a questioning look, the girl's cheeks darken further as she adds, "Maybe... you're not the only one who has a bit of a thing for her."

Kalei laughs and is relieved to see that Sophia does too. "To be honest, I would be surprised if every sapphic in the school isn't at least a little bit taken with her."

Sophia smiles slightly and eats more chocolate. "I just feel less... weird about it, knowing she's like that too. Even if obviously it's just a dumb teacher crush."

"Firstly, you're not weird, the way you feel about girls is beautiful and wonderful and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise," Kalei tells her firmly, "And secondly, dumb teacher crushes are very important for personal development. It was a history teacher with fluffy sweaters that did me in."

A giggle escapes Sophia only to immediately cut off. She is staring at something over Kalei's shoulder, and the maths teacher glances back to see Quill curiously watching them through the window in the classroom door.

"What's she doing here?" Sophia asks, sounding a little worried.

Kalei sighs. "We've been having coffee together at lunchtimes for the last few days. I've broken the pattern."

"Oh god, I'm in your way," Sophia says with horror, "you're actually making progress with _Miss Quill_ and I'm ruining it-"

"Sophia, no, you are more important to me at the moment, alright?" Kalei tells her firmly. "Quill's a grown woman, and one who doesn't even like people at that, she can handle a delayed coffee date." To ring her point home, she looks back to the door to make an adamant gesture for Quill to shoo, only to find that the teacher is already gone. "See?"

Sophia doesn't look convinced. "Are you sure?"

"Positive. Though since I'm not getting my coffee fix, you'd better hand over that chocolate while I offer you more advice. _Buffy, Imagine Me And You, But I'm A Cheerleader, Saving Face_. Watch all of them if you haven't already."

"Okay," Sophia says, and after a moment's hesitation writes the list down on her phone.

"You can talk to me about this anytime, okay?" Kalei tells her. "I mean it."

Sophia nods and smiles at her. "Thank you, Miss. Really."

When she leaves ten minutes later it is in considerably brighter spirits than when she arrived, making her the fourth student that Kalei has knowingly managed to help in some way regarding sexuality since coming out at Coal Hill.

It makes every veiled or snide comment from conservative coworkers worth it.

* * *

"Hey."

Quill doesn't glance up from her iPad when she finally hears the maths teacher's voice. "Finished defusing the teenager, then?"

"I wasn't defusing her. She needed someone to talk to," Kalei says as she steps into the physics classroom and comes to stand by Quill's desk. "I'm the only out teacher at this school, this sort of thing happened before I left as well."

"Out?" Quill looks at her with confusion. Out of where?

Kalei stares at her. "You know. It's common knowledge that I'm bisexual. If any other members of the faculty aren't heterosexual besides us and Sally - she's ace - then they're not saying so."

Quill frowns. "God, you people are so tedious." She goes back to the cat pictures on the iPad.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean that this whole society is idiotic," Quill says, rolling her eyes. "The idea that someone's genitals or grooming habits should dictate who they decide to marry or fuck is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in my whole life. And today I had to listen to an entire twenty seconds of a song about something called a Reggae Shark because the student playing it was at the back of the room and I couldn't get to him any faster."

"Wait, seriously? That meme is at least-" Kalei catches herself, shaking her head. "Urgh. Nevermind. The first part, that's why being there for the students is important."

"I'd rather put a screwdriver through my own hand, but you go ahead." When Quill glances up, Kalei is staring at her with a kind of disbelief, like she's trying to work out if she's serious or not. Quill sighs. "Look, Jacobs, looking after smaller lifeforms and giving them emotional support just isn't something I'm even remotely wired to do."

"Yes, I'm getting that," Kalei says, jaw tight, "Just not sure how I feel about it yet. I just - why are you a _teacher_ when you obviously can't stand the students?"

"Because free will is an illusion, and being anywhere else is a distinct impossibility for me," Quill snaps, "Maybe you're free to go to South Africa and come back whenever you please, but some of us have to sit on the lots we've been handed."

That's the best that she can do, the most that she can say. She has no idea if it's enough, no idea if she wants it to be. No idea exactly how much she cares about this maths teacher and her opinion.

"...I'm sorry," Kalei says after a few seconds, frowning. "You're right, I shouldn't assume to know your situation. But these children are important to me, and when I see people not caring about them, it's frustrating. More than that, it's infuriating."

"You know what else is infuriating? People with the nerve to have children and discard them for no reason," Quill tells her. "Did you know that Matteusz' parents have kicked him out? For those same absurd reasons I stated before? I thought it was a joke when I first found out."

Kalei stares at her with shock. "What?"

"I'm awful, but even I could never devise something so horrifically absurd," Quill says, scowling.

"Is he alright?! Why weren't we told?"

"He's moved in with his boyfriend. It's a non-issue. I'm simply making a point."

Kalei relaxes slightly. "As long as he's okay. I suppose in the end, being kicked out when there's somewhere else safe to go is potentially better than, well, the opposite." There's something odd in her voice, a faltering on the final word of the sentence, that makes Quill glance up at her. She's tugging on one of her earrings, lost in thought.

"The opposite?" Quill asks, arching an eyebrow. "What, being locked in?"

"It happens," Kalei says, in that absent sort of way that makes Quill realise, with a strange chill in her veins, that it means _it happened_.

"Who?" It's all Quill can say, because she's angry, angrier than she has any real reason to be. Angry at the humans who do all these things for all the most fundamentally fucked up reasons.

Kalei doesn't reply. She fiddles with the hem of her skirt.

"Kalei, who did that to you? Tell me."

"I thought offering emotional support wasn't your thing?" Kalei says almost bitterly, without looking at her.

"It isn't, I'm just asking for the truth so I know who I can happily dream about forcing to eat their own entrails," Quill replies without missing a beat.

Kalei blinks at her. Looks amused, horrified, then resigned, all in the space of about two seconds. Then she just sighs. "It's not... as bad as I made it sound. I imagine some people get _properly_ trapped, actually unable to leave..."

Quill sits up straighter and keeps her eyes focused on her. "Tell me."

"My grandmother, the American one, she's homophobic and religious to the extreme," Kalei says slowly, eyes still on her hands. "I've never hidden how much I love girls. I got a girlfriend when I was fifteen, before it was common. When she found out, the next time I stayed at her house, she locked me in the guest bedroom with nothing but a bible. I don't know what she was hoping to achieve, exactly, she just told me to read it and realise how disgusting I was. I didn't stick around to find out what else she might do or say."

"What do you mean?" Quill looks at her with confusion, almost relieved at the break in the story because she feels oddly nauseous. "I thought you were locked in."

"It was a first floor bedroom." Kalei smiles, a quiet pride in her eyes. "I climbed out of the window, jumped to ground level, and ran all the way home. My parents were furious with her when they found out. They've sort of made up since, but she's never apologised and it's never been the same."

"Well, good on you for getting out of there," Quill says, nodding.

"I don't let people treat me badly. I don't let _people_ treat _people_ badly full stop."

Quill almost asks why it is then that she has any interest in Quill, a known bully, but considers maybe the difference is that all the insults she doles out are petty (and while personal for the students, not actually due to any specific malice towards them on Quill's part). Not that Kalei's really observed her in action anyway.

"No, I'm realising that," Quill says instead, "from what I can make out from students, April MacLean especially, you're a regular unofficial counsellor. And something about defending rights to do with bathrooms? Not sure what that was about, but evidently, you actually _care_. You actually _do things to make change_. "

Kalei lifts her chin. "Yes. And?"

An odd sound escapes Quill - an incredulous chuckle that just sounds wrong coming out of her. "Kalei, do you even realise how different that makes you to 95% of all the people I've ever met? I can't stand do-gooders, because usually they're not actually doing good at all, or doing it for the attention, or they're just bleeding hearts like April and not actually _doing_ anything. You're the kind of person with a good heart I can actually stand."

"Oh," Kalei says, eyes wide and voice soft, "well, thank you. I think." Her eyes flick to Quill's fist, which is clenched where it's resting on the desk. "Are you alright?"

"I appear to be angry at the thought of you being locked away for so disgusting a reason," Quill says thoughtfully, pursing her lips. "Interesting. Making me care about anything not pertaining to myself or my... family... is no easy feat."

"Careful, you'll make me blush," Kalei replies, biting her lip and smiling.

"At least I'll have the fantasy of going after your awful grandmother and making her suffer to keep me warm at night," Quill continues, smiling to herself. "Maybe with a chainsaw. I've always wanted to use one of those, they look marvellous. I bet they cut through bone like a knife through hard butter."

Kalei lets out an odd laugh. "Alright, maybe calm down on the dismembering my grandmother front. Remind me never to get on your bad side."

"What little sympathy I possess is for prisoners, people whose will is taken from them," Quill says, getting up from her chair and taking a few strides away from it so that she can expel some of the strange tension now in her body. "That's why I'm stuck here in the first place, because I _fought_ for what I believed in, like you did. Only I lost. Everything."

She knows she shouldn't be telling Kalei this, at least not yet. But she's just realised how similar they are in that regard: even though their battlegrounds were different, and Kalei's intentions a lot better, they're both fighters for their people against the idiots on high who think they know better.

Kalei is watching her. Curious, a little confused.

"Fought who?"

"It doesn't matter," Quill mutters. "It's over. And here I am, not even able to see what wielding a chainsaw is like-"

"Well, in the event of the zombie apocalypse, you can be on my team and we'll get you a chainsaw, alright?" Kalei says with a laugh, coming to stand next to her and reaching out as if to touch her arm only to think better of it.

Quill turns to look at her, to tell her that she doesn't understand that chainsaws are completely off the table. But the earlier part of the sentence gets to her.

"Zombie apocalypse?" she asks sharply. "What are you talking about?"

Kalei gives her that look of confusion that humans get when she or Charlie don't understand something to do with pop culture or basic human society.

"You know, if the earth gets overrun by zombies and everything descends into chaos?" Kalei laughs. "I want you on my team. I'm getting the idea you'd be good in a fight."

"When I can be," Quill murmurs, before narrowing her eyes at her. "Zombies?" She vaguely knows what they are, some kind of supernatural being these people believe in like vampires or werewolves, beings that are 'undead' - whatever that means - and tend to want to eat human flesh. "A zombie... apocalypse?"

"You know, if they take us over and humanity is reduced to small groups fighting for survival across our ruined civilisations," Kalei says.

Her cheerful attitude confuses Quill immensely. It sounds like a serious problem, so why is Kalei of all people acting so nonchalantly about it?

"And just how likely is this to happen?" Quill asks, frowning at her. "No one's warned me about it-"

"Okay, I forgot who I was talking to for a second," Kalei is quick to say, "It's just... a thing. That people talk about happening, for fun. There's not really any actual scientific backing for it."

"Yes, but your science is abysmal," Quill mutters.

" _My_ science? You're the science teacher, not me."

"Nevermind. I prefer to be prepared for every possibility, andcomplete breakdown of social order and possible hordes of hostiles isn't something I've yet accounted for," Quill says, more to herself than to Kalei.

Kalei grins. "That's the spirit. I have a whole plan outlined for if it were to happen, you can have a look if you like. Well, since I want you on my team, you can just build yours around mine-"

" _You've_ made an intensive survival plan? For something you don't think is likely to happen?"

Kalei blushes, adjusting her glasses and shrugging. "Hello, massive nerd here. Zombie apocalypse plans are big with us, even if it's just for fun."

"Hm," Quill says, not for the first time realising that she's underestimated this woman, "alright, walk me through what you've got."

"It might need to wait until tomorrow," Kalei tells her, glancing at the clock on the wall and sighing. "Lunch is about to end. Look, come by my classroom tomorrow, I'll have coffee ready."

Quill nods. "Alright then. Though, how will you have coffee?"

"I have my ways," Kalei says, grinning at her.

"Obviously, but what are they?"

Kalei looks at her with exasperation. "You know, flirting by way of fake air of mystery is difficult when you take things so literally."

"Ah," Quill says, "sorry. Seriously, though, how are you going to get the coffee?"

"It's called bribing a student with chocolate or their own coffee if they run out to get it for you," Kalei says with a grin.

Of course. The logical solution, really.

"Mild abuse of power and teenage appetites," Quill remarks, "I suppose your innocent exterior leaves you more room to operate in such ways. Now _that's_ attractive. I do appreciate talented subterfuge."

Kalei shakes her head, grinning even wider. "God, you're weird."

Weird is meant to be a negative adjective, Quill knows that, but coming out of Kalei's mouth it doesn't sound like one. The two of them have been standing quite closely this whole time, in the gap between the desk and the blackboard. But they've been so busy discussing serious matters that it's like neither of them realised until right this moment.

A fresh rush of need soars through Quill's body, begging her to pull Kalei in and kiss her until she can't breathe, to lay her back over the desk and give her the time of her damn life, to do _something_ to elevate it. She hasn't been touched in so long. Not any kind of real, deliberate contact. It's slowly but surely driving her insane.

Kalei bites her lip, a similar heat in her eyes now that they've stopped talking, and it's nearly Quill's undoing.

"Leave," Quill manages to say, her voice coming out oddly hoarse. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah," Kalei says, somehow understanding immediately which is a great relief to Quill. The maths teacher swallows before walking briskly from the room just as the bell rings.

Quill stares after her. _Get a grip, Andra'ath. Not literally, though. Not yet._

* * *

The next morning, Miss Quill attends the Friday staff meeting. Kalei wouldn't know this is a particularly big thing if not for the looks of obvious surprise and unease from other faculty members as well as remembering that she hadn't been present in the weeks before.

Kalei is seated on one of the couches next to Sally, while Quill has taken up her position of leaning against a section of the wall near the door, almost identical to the one she was in when Kalei first saw her. This position has its merits - mainly that it's directly opposite Kalei.

Quill has her hands in her blazer pockets and her eyes intent on Kalei, the tiny smirk on her lips telling the maths teacher exactly what she's thinking about.

"Seriously, though, why is she here?" Sally asks, sounding downright uncomfortable. "We don't have a new headteacher yet, just the deputy."

"No idea," Kalei says absently, chewing on the end of her pencil. Quill's wearing red lipstick today. It looks _amazing_.

There's a pause. "Wait. Kalei, why are you and - oh god. No."

Kalei tears her gaze away from Quill, who is making fairly blatant bedroom eyes at her, to find her friend regarding her with horror. "What?"

" _Quill?"_ Sally asks, her voice a scandalised whisper. "It's _Quill_ you're crushing on? Are you insane?! You do know what she's like, don't you? What are you thinking?!"

Kalei bites her pencil, eyes back on Quill as she chews it thoughtfully. "I'm thinking I want her to take me over her desk with no mercy."

Sally makes a strangled noise in her throat. "Oh my fucking god - Kalei, you - can you listen to me? You - you _useless bisexual_ , can you get your head out of your ovaries for five seconds?"

"Why would I want to do that?" Kalei asks.

"She's psychotic."

"Maybe."

"And awful."

"In a _great_ way."

"No! _Not_ in a great way!" Sally says with great exasperation. "Seriously, Kalei, you could go after almost anyone. There are _loads_ of gorgeous people out there who are also nice and would love to date you."

"I don't care," Kalei says flatly. "They couldn't verbally eviscerate Gordon Agnew the way she did. I was a goner after that. Besides, you _know_ my type is women in power suits."

"You allosexuals have truly concerning priorities."

"What can I say, we're flawed and shallow."

"I hate you."

"I know."

The meeting starts then, thankfully, cutting whatever might have been left of the lecture short. Kalei manages to mostly pay attention even with Quill opposite her. The deputy talks about the tragedy of the headmaster's death, the same spiel it always is (and yes, Kalei knows how bad it is that mourning for fellow staff has become commonplace). Then they finally move on to the usual topics.

By the time it's done, Kalei is all too relieved to be able to get up and head for the door. Quill times her own movement so that they go through it one after the other.

"I'll catch you later, Sally, yeah?" Kalei says to her friend, who looks between her and Quill before sighing and giving her a look that says _I suppose_ before heading off.

"What's got a bee in _her_ knickers?" Quill asks, cocking an eyebrow. "Also, sidenote: whoever came up with that ridiculous expression needs a punch in the face, or possibly a congratulations for a truly amusing mental image." 

"She thinks I have bad taste in women." Kalei makes sure to roll her eyes and grin at Quill, who snorts and looks pleased by the comment like the contrarian that she is. "So, we still on for lunch today?"

"Of course. Coffee and survival planning, what better way to spend a lunch period?" There's no irony in Quill's voice. She genuinely seems to think it's the best possible thing they could be doing. Kalei isn't sure if she finds it hilarious or sad.

"Not to mention, the delight of my company," Kalei says.

A slow smirk curls Quill's lips and her eyes not-so-subtly rake over Kalei's body. "That has its merits too. Provided I'll actually be able to concentrate."

Kalei bites her lip to contain her delighted grin. "Do I distract you, Miss Andrea Quill?"

It's a miracle that no one going past them makes a comment about indecency, with the way Quill looks at her just then. "Immensely."

She turns and walks away from Kalei without another word, leaving Kalei standing frozen in the hallway, mouth dry and heart pounding. It takes her a good ten seconds to regain the ability to think clearly.

"Oh boy," she says to herself, "you've really outdone yourself this time, Kalei. You'll be lucky to make it out of this alive. Mind you, what a way to go."

* * *

April, of course, is all too happy to make the coffee run for Kalei with only chocolate as payment. She comes bouncing back into the classroom just as the bell rings and places the two coffee cups on the desk.

"You're an angel," Kalei tells her, getting out the chocolate from her bag and handing it over, "now you know the drill, you can take as much as you like. The whole block, if you want."

Last year, when April had done a few similar errands for her, Kalei had offered her the whole block to share with her friends, only to feel awful when she realised April didn't have any. Now she's hoping that things have changed. She hasn't found the time to have a proper catch up with her favourite student yet.

"Maybe not the _whole_ block," April says, biting her lip, and it's a fair sight better than the three rows she used to insist on. Her eyes flick to Ram who is just getting up from his seat. Kalei's eyebrows shoot up. It's not really her place to comment, of course, but she and April are close enough that she feels comfortable giving April _a look._

April turns pink and brushes some hair behind her air as Ram gets closer. "Hey, Ram, you want some of this?" She asks.

"What's the catch?" he asks, narrowing his eyes as he looks between her and Kalei.

"No catch, just payment for my amazing coffee fetching skills, and I'm willing to share," April tells him, smiling. Kalei nods to enforce her point.

Ram grins. "Yeah, alright then. Not gonna say no to free stuff, especially chocolate."

"I like chocolate," Charlie Smith says out of nowhere, appearing behind them. Matteusz, at his side, shakes his head but looks at him with a fondness that makes Kalei's heart melt.

"Well, it's a good thing I've been given the whole block then, isn't it?" April tells them. "What about you, Tanya?"

Tanya had been on her way to the door, but turns around when she hears her name and does a good job of looking like she doesn't care when she shrugs. "Yeah sure, why not?"

"Thanks, Miss Jacobs," April tells her, and the others chime in with appreciation of their own as they head out of the classroom.

Quill arrives, impatiently waiting for the gaggle of teens to pass before pushing past Charlie who is the last one out. He lets out a noise of protest and the look she gives him is positively icy. He frowns but moves to follow the others down the hallway. Kalei is reminded of the strange occurrence on Tuesday, where Charlie had demanded Quill's help and she had obliged. After their conversation yesterday, it's only more obvious how odd the whole thing is.

Kalei wants to ask just what it is between her and this student, this hostility and yet willingness to oblige. But Quill looks so sour that she thinks better of it for the time being.

"You look like you need this," Kalei says instead, holding out her coffee. "Courtesy of the fetching skills of April MacLean."

"Thank god," Quill says after she shuts the door, moving to grab a chair and pull it around Kalei's desk so that she can sit next to her. She takes a long drink of the coffee and relaxes a fraction. "Have I mentioned that I hate my life?"

"Not in so many words, but it doesn't exactly shock me," Kalei replies.

"Mm. Anyway, where are these survival plans of yours?" Quill asks, straightening up and looking slightly less miserable at the prospect.

Kalei pulls out the notebook that she's never shown to anyone but Sally, for fear of ridicule. It's all just for fun, but some people just don't understand.

"Please don't laugh at me," she says as she hands it over.

"Why would I? Is it humorous, or only in its inadequacy?"

"Hopefully neither," Kalei says, embarrassedly, "I can't believe I'm actually showing you this." As she opens the notebook and starts reading, Quill asks why. "Well, because it's silly. The chance of a zombie apocalypse happening is like, a one in a million."

"Perhaps," Quill says, eyes scouring over the dismal attempts at illustration, "but from what I can make out, most elements of this plan could be transferred to other disaster scenarios, and in my experience, the odds will always screw you over. Every damn time."

"Oh," Kalei says, surprised, "I… hadn't really considered that."

"Typical. Always so narrow minded. You're a maths teacher, learn to apply things to other concepts." Quill snorts when she reaches a page illustrating the decapitation of a zombie that more closely resembles an angry potato with legs. "Quite the artist."

Kalei flushes. "Shut up. We can't all be Frida Kahlo."

"Nonetheless, this is more violent than I expected of you, I'm impressed," Quill says, turning the page, "here I thought you a bit too soft for this sort of thing."

"Nice is not soft."

"Yes, I'm realising that. Wait. What's this one?"

Kalei leans in to get a look at the illustration on the page and an embarrassed laugh escapes her throat. "Oh, it's meant to be a javelin or a pipe or something like that, going through the zombie's eye socket and into his brain."

When she looks up, Quill is staring at her with an unfathomable expression.

"I know, it just looks like the human has a really long arm," Kalei says, sighing, "I'm really rubbish at drawing-"

"I severely underestimated how attractive it would be to hear you talk gratuitous violence," Quill breathes, eyes flicking down to Kalei's lips. "You continue to be full of surprises."

"Oh," Kalei says, tucking some hair behind her ear and trying not to blush. "Um. Thanks? Not really sure what to say to that first part, bit weird."

"Bad weird?"

"Not exactly. Since when do you care anyway?"

"I don't, really."

"Oh."

"Hm."

They're staring at each other, and Kalei can only think about how beautiful and clear Quill's eyes are, always so sharp and intent. She wonders what Quill sees in _her_ eyes. Whatever it is, she seems to like it. It takes several seconds for Kalei realise just how strange this - along with almost everything else between them - is.

Only with this weird physics teacher could talk of zombies breed sexual tension.

"You really are quite beautiful, aren't you?" Quill says, quietly. Like she's surprised, or confused. Kalei ducks her head, breaking the eye contact that is getting to be too much.

"I could say the same of you."

"The same cannot, unfortunately, be said for your drawings. I'm trying to see this impalement, but it really is quite difficult." Quill tilts her head curiously as she studies the page, and it shouldn't be adorable but it is, and Kalei has to bite her lip to stop a truly smitten grin from breaking out on her face. "Oh, right. I see it now."

She studies the book for another minute or so.

"Alright, so I have a few questions, and a couple of suggestions."

It's still hard for Kalei to properly process the fact that Quill is here validating her little hobby and taking it seriously. She adjusts her glasses and shuffles her chair closer so that their knees are brushing, allowing Quill to lay the book open in between them.

"Okay, I'm all ears."

"Now that's a ridiculous expression if I ever heard one." Quill's hand comes to rest on Kalei's knee next to the notebook as she bends over it, fingers resting where the hem of the maths teacher's dress has ridden up. "Anyway, on the matter of a base, you're going to have to explain to me exactly what a Tesco is, and why you've chosen it."

Kalei swallows and answers Quill's questions as best she can while not thinking about the cool fingers splayed across her bare skin. It gets easier, and she finds as Quill starts giving her advice on food storage and ammunition conservation that she can almost forget the hand is there.

"Were you in the army, or something?" Kalei asks her. "Is that how you know all this? You mentioned something about fighting, yesterday."

"I was... part of an army, yes," Quill says after a brief hesitation. "It's how I learned a great many things. But it's all gone now, all of it, and I'm stuck here, in this wretched place, my free will an illusion. And all I want is something for myself, something I do for me and only me."

Her fingers curl just enough to drag a light path across the side of Kalei's knee and the lower thigh above it.

"Like me?" Kalei asks, quietly. Her eyes flick from Quill's hand to her face, which is oddly serene, the older woman apparently completely focused on the feel of Kalei's skin.

"Yes, I rather think so," Quill says, finally looking back up at Kalei, who finds herself caught by those clear, beautiful blue eyes, so intent on her.

The bell rings, the harsh sound bursting the bubble they had found themselves in and leaving Kalei blinking with surprise. Quill withdraws her hand from Kalei's knee, much to the maths teacher's disappointment, and gets up.

"So...how about that movie date tonight, then?" Kalei asks.

"It depends, are you going to pick an insipid romantic comedy?" Quill asks with distaste. "I watched three and I think that's two more than I ever needed."

"I was thinking an action movie, there's a new one with Angelina Jolie."

"Alright, what time?"

"Well, we can just meet after school and go the showing that's next."

"Simple enough. I'll see you in a few hours then."

"Can't wait," Kalei replies, smiling at her.

She can still feel the phantom touch of Quill's fingers long after the physics teacher is gone. Focusing on maths has never been so difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who might be interested, I've written a threeshot about April and Clara and how they learned from each other during Clara's time at Coal Hill. It's pretty angsty but in a nice way hopefully, and Kalei makes a few appearances in it because it fits well with her relationship with Clara and to have her fill the space of the coworker perspective of Clara's downward spiral.


	5. Said and Unsaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill still has trouble with human culture fairly frequently. After an attempt at a date goes wrong, Kalei unknowingly comes up with the perfect way to make Quill feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....finally....we have reached...The First Kiss...
> 
> (also, Quill WITH A CAT and also yelling at Matteusz' parents)

Kalei approaches the science department at the end of the day with a bounce in her step, one that is both excited and nervous. She just has to hold onto the fact that no matter how Quill can be prone to acting, she is interested in Kalei. She's said so.

She reaches the doorway only to find Quill in some kind of argument with Charlie Smith.

"How am I meant to think it's not suspicious, if you won't tell me?" he is saying to her, and Quill looks like she'd like to cover his mouth to shut him up and not let go to allow him to breathe.

"You don't have the right to demand _every_ detail of-" Quill stops short, whirling around to look at Kalei in the doorway. "Miss Jacobs. Hello."

"Am I interrupting something?" Kalei asks, bemused. The two exchange a look.

"No, nothing," Charlie says quickly, slinging his bag over his shoulder and hurrying out of the room before she can ask any follow up questions.

"Okay, seriously, what is going on?" Kalei asks Quill, stepping into the classroom, and after a moment's thought shutting the door for good measure. "Do you want to explain why Charlie Smith of all people had the nerve to order you around on Tuesday? And more importantly, why you _let_ him? And now whatever the hell that was? I'm trying very hard not to come to some really weird conclusions."

Quill looks irritated. But more than that - she's tense, clearly uncertain. Kalei would go so far as to say worried.

"He's... my ward," she says slowly, "he lives with me. Hence why I have to clean up his messes and why he is under the impression that it gives him the right to know everything about my life."

" _Oh,_ " Kalei says, eyes widening, "that...actually explains a lot. But why is it not common knowledge? Why keep it a secret?"

Quill shrugs. "It's nobody else's business. Private arrangement."

Kalei hasn't quite decided how to reply when her phone starts ringing. The number says that it's from the school office and she picks up the call. "Yes?"

" _Miss Jacobs? There are some parents here to see you-_ "

"Oh, _fuck_ ," Kalei says, earning a lifted eyebrow from Quill at the first proper curse word to escape her in the time of their acquaintance, "sorry. I'll be right there." She hangs up and looks at Quill hopelessly. "I completely forgot, I called Matteusz's parents about his bad maths marks, but that was before I knew what had happened. They're here to see me."

"I'm amazed they have the nerve," Quill mutters, grabbing her coat. "Come on then. I have a few words for Mr and Mrs Andrzejewski."

"Um, I'm not sure that's the best idea, actually," Kalei tries to say, but Quill pays her no mind and the maths teacher is forced to grab her things and hurry after her. "Quill, Quill!"

Still no answer. She follows her through the hallways to the office - good _god_ this woman is fast - and manages to catch up just as they get to the desk. Sure enough, Matteusz' parents are waiting. Kalei's stomach turns a little when she realises she is looking at two people who cast out their gay child, but she doesn't have time to decide how she wants to play it because Quill has already taken it upon herself.

"You have no right to be here," Quill snarls at them.

"Quill," Kalei says, frowning.

"No, don't _Quill_ me, they have no right to be trying to involve themselves in the life of the child that _they_ cast out-"

"He is our son," the father tries to say, eyes flashing with anger.

"That you kicked out, I'd say that's pretty indicative about how much you really care about him," Quill snaps, "You have no right to be here."

The mother's eyes are wide. "Quill. You're her."

"Yes," Quill says with a mock sweetness, "the one who has taken over your pathetic attempt at raising a youngling since apparently archaic bias is more important to you than familial ties. Matteusz lives with me. He is my ward now almost as much as Charlie is. Anything that needs to be addressed in regards to his maths marks will go through me."

 _Of course, she said that Matteusz had moved in with his boyfriend. Who happens to be her ward._ How had Kalei missed that detail?

"He's still _our_ son, we care about him-"

"Oh, don't make me laugh. Get out," Quill says, a malevolence in her eyes that sends a shiver down Kalei's spine and has the parents backing away, "If you come anywhere near this school or that boy without his express consent, I will make you regret it."

They scurry away, leaving an impressed Kalei and a bewildered receptionist.

"I didn't even think, when you said Charlie was your ward. About how you said Matteusz was living with him, that is. You took him in," Kalei says, staring at her. "I... don't know if I'm surprised or not, actually. It's hard for me to imagine you willingly taking on one teenager, let alone two."

"Didn't exactly have much of a choice, his highness calls the shots in our household," Quill says bitterly. "Come on, I need some fresh air."

They head outside and Kalei's head is still reeling.

"I can't believe you did that," she says.

"Really? Yelling at people is one of my favourite pastimes. It's quite a well known fact around here. I yelled at the Ofsted Inspector. The Headmaster couldn't even pronounce some of the things I said."

Kalei giggles. "Yep, I could see that." She remembers that Mr Armitage is missing - which is Coal Hill code for _almost definitely dead_ \- and immediately sobers. "I miss him."

"Yeah, me too," Quill mutters, "before you, he was the only one that-" She cuts herself off, clamping her lips shut.

"That what?"

"Nevermind."

Kalei decides to let it go, even though she's never wanted to know the end of a sentence more in her entire life. "So, we heading to the movie theatre, then?"

"I suppose so. Is it far?"

"Not too far. Come on, my car is this way."

* * *

 

Kalei's car, to Quill's complete lack of surprise, is a scrappy little blue thing that somehow carries off its hardly enviable appearance with sheer, if inexplicable - charm. The seats are brown leather, and she can smell the age of it when she gets into the passenger seat. It doesn't smell bad - quite the opposite - but it does smell old. Well, that mixed with lavender scented air freshener. Of course.

"You alright?" The maths teacher asks her.

"I don't know if spending time with you is going to make me hate flowers or get more attached to them."

"And _I_ don't know if that was a compliment or not," Kalei laughs as she gets the car started and pulls out of the carpark. It occurs to Quill that she's not been in a road vehicle since the bus she used to kill the Lankin. Comparing the two seems ridiculous.

"Good, because neither do I. Though seriously, get a second interest. You're going overkill on the flowers."

"I have a second interest," Kalei says defensively, "I collect butterfly earrings."

Quill snorts. "Of fucking course you do." Now that she thinks about it, Kalei's earrings _have_ always been butterfly ones, and different pairs every time.

"So what kind of music do you like?" Kalei turns on the stereo and a catchy pop song blares out of it until she turns it down to a reasonable level for background music.

"I'm not sure," Quill says, frowning, "I don't think I've listened to enough."

"What, a good thirty years isn't long enough to form _some_ kind of opinion?"

Quill bites back the response of _I've only been here two and a half months, so sorry if I've had other priorities_. Instead she searches her memories until she finds an answer. "I remember something, a woman with dark hair. Joan something."

"Joan Jett?" Kalei asks.

"Yes, that was it."

"Yeah, that sounds like a bit of you. Bad reputation and all that. Do you like rap?"

Quill does her best to remember what rap is from the few times she's flicked past music channels on the television. "Is that the one where they just speak rapidly with a rhythmic pattern?"

Kalei laughs again. "I suppose that's one definition."

"I don't think I really have an opinion. It doesn't appeal, but I don't hate it." Quill gives it more thought. "I think I like the music without words. When it's done with - what's it called? - an orchestra."

"Oh, classical music. Yeah, I can see that." Kalei reaches for the stereo, changes it from CD to the radio and fiddles with the dial until the soothing sound of strings and woodwind starts coming through the speakers. "There, knew there was a classical station somewhere."

"You don't have to be so… accommodating," Quill says, frowning, "It's your car, listen to what _you_ want."

"I don't mind," Kalei assures her, glancing sideways to smile at her, "If I didn't want to, I wouldn't do it."

Quill is all too aware that nobody, ever, has gone out of their way do things for her just because they could. To prioritise her interests over their own for no other reason than to make _her_ happier.

Yes, she'd been in love once, back on Rhodia. And it had been good, and important, and it was a loss that she would always carry with her. But Quill were self-serving by nature - at least, when it came to trivial things, to _wants_. Needs were quite different.

Her lover had always tried to fight for what she had needed, just as Quill herself had always fought for what her people needed.

But humans - humans put such importance on little things, on how a bowl of ice cream can make things better in the face of something awful or how a pretty sunset can make a bad day a little less terrible. They remember each other's favourite things down to the tiniest detail so that they can make each other a little happier. Not essentials. Not things that they need. But things that make you better all the same.

The most infuriating part about it all, is that they're _right_. It works. Quill has been surprised at how half a block of chocolate and a cup of coffee at the right time have made her life so much more bearable.

But no one's ever taken her into consideration like this before.

"You're staring at me," Kalei says, and Quill blinks, realising that she has no idea how much time has passed. The car is pulling into a parking space outside a movie theatre.

"Sorry," Quill mutters.

"You don't need to apologise." Kalei parks the car and then turns to look at Quill. "Are you alright, though?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Quill says offhandedly, getting out of the car.

_It's not like I'm the last of my kind. Or that I am unable to take revenge on those who made me so. It's not like I'm trapped in this hellhole of a life where only these brief moments with you give me any feeling of peace or sense of self - if only because they are the only things that are mine and mine alone, untainted by the prince and his control._

Kalei, once she is out of the car as well and has locked it, looks like she wants to say something, only to think better of it.

"Come on then," she says instead. Quill moves to fall into step with her as they head inside.

There are large, garish posters all through the lobby of the building, and humans crammed into waiting lines for foods and tickets. It's everything that Quill despises - plastic and tasteless and noisy in that obnoxiously human way. Noise in battle she can stand, even thrive off. But humans are incapable of shutting up, and the prattling voices create a buzz of sound all through the room that makes her clench her jaw.

"Are you alright?" Kalei asks. Quill realises how tense her whole body has become, takes a deep breath, and tries to dispel her growing sense of unease. Kalei asking after her twice in the space of two minutes should be annoying, but it's just so refreshing to have somebody actually care.

"I'm fine."

She follows Kalei on instinct, and they come to stand at the end of one of the lines. In front of them, a pair of teenage boys are complaining about something called _Ghostbusters_ and Kalei is rolling her eyes. Behind them within seconds is a young couple around university age. They're debating mobile phone company efficiency.

Quill has never felt more alien in her life. She'd take interdimensional skin peeling dragons she can't even fight over this inexplicable feeling of nausea, of unease in her own skin, of wanting them all to see her _true_ form if only so the pointless, pointless chatter could turn to screaming.

"Quill?" She hears the voice but doesn't register it properly. She is so far away now, spiralling down and down and down.

Who is she kidding? She can't do this. She can't pretend to be human, she can't live this life of slavery with this complete sense of hopelessness, unable to do anything that she was raised to, that she believes in -

Sudden contact at her arms brings her back to her surroundings, just enough that Quill can focus on Kalei's concerned face. Rather belatedly, Quill realises how fast her heart is racing, how dizzy she feels, how her breath just seems to be gone.

"Quill, Quill, look at me," Kalei is saying firmly, "Quill, I think you're having a panic attack."

Oh. Yes. That would be it. Huh.

"Breathe, just take a deep breath in and then let it out, can you do that for me?" Kalei's words are hard for her to focus on, because her body and mind are screaming, but she can _just_ make them out.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in, hold, breathe out.

The world becomes slightly clearer. Kalei is still in front of her, gripping her by the upper arms through her sleeves. She's nodding encouragingly.

"Let's go outside, can you manage that?"

"Of course I can, I'm not an invalid," Quill chokes out, embarrassment flushing her face even as her heart still races and her lungs are working at half capacity at best.

She shakes herself out of Kalei's grip - which releases immediately - and strides past protesting humans in line to get a clear path to the exterior doors. Once she's outside, she gulps in the brisk November air and feels her head start to clear almost instantly. The panic is slowly replaced with frustration and loathing.

She hates this place. She hates having to be here, that she apparently can't even handle walking into one of their entertainment dens without feeling like too much of an outsider. It's different at Coal Hill - she has power there, the rabble have to listen to her and even her supposed equals are afraid of her.

But places like this? She's just another face in the crowd. It should make her pleased that she's blending in, but she is _not_ like them, she never will be. She will never be part of _anything_ again.

These people have no idea how lucky they are, to have each other. To have the strangers around them. What she wouldn't give for a single stranger. A singular Quill that could understand her and her beliefs automatically, and ease the physical ache perpetually in her gut from the loneliness that is drowning her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kalei's voice makes Quill turn to her right to see the maths teacher standing a few metres away.

"Not particularly," Quill says, which isn't entirely true, a part of her wants to rant and scream so much that holding it back makes her feel nauseous. But it would involve telling Kalei things that she just... _can't_. For her and Charlie's safety, she can't.

"Okay," Kalei says. "I'm sorry if you didn't want me to touch you. But you couldn't hear me, I didn't know what else to do. I don't know if touching makes it worse or better for you."

"Better," Quill says, her voice very quiet. Kalei takes a step forward and out of apprehension for her intentions Quill is quick to add, "but the worst of it's passed. I'll be fine in a few minutes."

Kalei takes the hint and stops in her tracks. She's good at that - ironic, since Quill distinctly remembers thinking the exact opposite about her at the beginning of their acquaintance.

"Do you want me to take you home?"

"No. I don't know. Not really." Her hands are in her pockets, her eyes on a crack in the pavement. The shape reminds her of the space-time tear. She shoves the toe of her shoe into it.

"Do you know what you _do_ want?" Kalei asks.

Quill looks up and sees brown eyes filled with patience and concern, so different from everything else she's experienced on this planet, from all the damned teenagers she has to deal with, from the cool blue eyes of her enslaver.

What does she want?

 _You,_ Quill thinks.

"No," she says.

"Well, I have an idea," Kalei tells her, giving her a tiny smile, "do you trust me?" _I don't trust anyone,_ Quill wants to say, but she nods. Kalei's smile widens a bit. "Good. Get in the car."

They drive in silence. Quill looks out the window at the houses rushing by, at the pedestrians in all their diversity, at a few dogs on leashes. After about fifteen minutes, they pull up outside of an apartment building.

"Where are we?" Quill asks as they get out of the car. Kalei just gives her a look. "Oh. Your place?"

"Where else?"

Kalei's apartment is on the fourth floor, so it's a tense but short elevator ride up. When they finally get to the door, Kalei unlocks it and goes in first, holding the door open for Quill to follow.

"It's not much, but it's mine," she says, with a hint of pride that is somehow also humble.

The walls are a nice calming shade of yellow, and there's only one vase of actual live flowers, which is less than Quill had been expecting. The small lounge area is to the right of the door and consists of a two person couch in front of a TV mounted on the wall, and behind the couch is a small dining table with three chairs. The kitchen is modest and cluttered without being unclean. A hallway runs down past it, with two doors that Quill imagines are the bedroom and the bathroom.

"It's very….you," Quill says, eyeing the completed puzzles in the newspaper on the sofa arm and the sheer number of pens and pencils lying around.

"Hoping that's a good thing," Kalei laughs. "Ah, here we are."

She turns away for a moment and dips down to pick something up, and when she turns around there is a large bundle of white fluff in her arms that she is kissing the top of.

A cat. A real, live, cat. Not just an image or video on the internet but a living creature that Quill can see with her own two eyes. He's a funny thing, with a flat face that makes him look like he is severely unimpressed with whatever is going on. Just as she has frozen upon seeing him, he is eyeing her with similar scrutiny.

"I-" Quill finds that words fail her, that her throat feels constricted. It's just a dumb animal, she knows that, but it's the first cat she's ever seen in real life.

Which Kalei couldn't have possibly known, but here they are all the same.

"This is Xenophilius," Kalei says, smiling at her, "and I think he would probably love it if you petted him while I fix us something to eat."

"Pet him?" If actually encountering a cat at close range in real life had always seemed like an abstract concept, being able to touch one and find out what they feel like is in a completely different ballpark.

"Yeah, why don't you sit on the couch and I'll get him on your lap?"

Quill defers to her superior cat knowledge and sits down, taking off her coat. Kalei approaches her, slowly, and sets Xenophilius down on the top of Quill's thighs. He looks between them both for a moment, rather curiously in Quill's opinion, before settling himself.

Quill has a lump in her throat as she reaches out to touch Xenophilius, and when her hands meet the sweet, blissful softness of his white fur, she nearly bursts into tears. She bites her lip instead, lets her fingers slowly run through the fur on Xenophilius' back, and keeps herself _just_ about under control because Kalei is still watching her intently.

This time, the brunette doesn't have to ask if she's okay, because the question is in her eyes.

"I've never actually... petted a cat before," Quill admits.

Kalei's eyes widen and understanding floods her features. "Oh. Well, you can hold him for as long as you like." She moves into the kitchen and Quill keeps stroking her hand over Xenophilius' body.

He starts purring, which surprises her for a moment even though cat videos on the internet have informed her about the bizarre phenomenon. What she's not prepared for is the vibration of it, how she can _feel_ it under her hand. It's fascinating and so bizarrely comforting that she decides she could probably almost be happy if she could just sit here with this cat and never move again.

"Is there anything you don't eat? Meat, dairy, gluten-"

"I once spent four days holed up in a cave with my troops as the enemy tried to starve us out," Quill says, and tears her gaze away from Xenophilius to see Kalei looking at her with raised eyebrows. "Whatever you cook will be fine."

"Good to know," Kalei replies, and starts getting ingredients out of the cupboard, "So, when you said that you fought, you mean that you were in the army?"

"I led an army. Not here, not in any conflict you could possibly know about, not in the name of anyone you would have heard of. But I did."

"Okay," Kalei says after a few moment's pause. "Did you win?"

"No," Quill says bitterly, "I lost. Everything. And now I'm here. If you'd asked me then, I'd have said it wasn't possible for my life to become as dismal as it is now."

"Trying hard not to be offended over here."

Quill turns her head and regards her, seeing that Kalei doesn't look offended, or angry, but definitely uncertain and on the cusp of being hurt. It occurs to her that complaining about how awful her life is to someone trying to make it better possibly isn't the best course of action.

Quill sighs. "Would you believe me if I said that talking to you is the only time I feel like a real person, anymore?" The way Kalei looks at her then, all wide brown eyes and lips parted slightly in surprise, forces Quill to look away and focus on the cat in her lap instead. "My life is bearable, just barely, if I have chocolate or coffee or stupid pictures of cats, but even then it's like I'm not quite-"

She doesn't know how articulate it in this language. She isn't sure she'd know how to say it in her own one anyway.

"No one else cares," she says in the end, iIt's as simple as that, really. Armitage did, at least a little. But now he's dead." Well, officially he's missing, but thankfully Kalei doesn't try to argue that point. She's been at Coal Hill longer than Quill, and she's not an idiot. "I think the Polish one notices me, to a point, which is more than I can say for any of the others, but fear is a powerful deterrent."

"If Charlie's your ward, I'm sure he cares-"

"That boy would throw me to the wolves in a second to save someone he'd known for a day, I am less than _nothing_ to him," Quill snarls with so much venom that she sees Kalei blink at her with shock.

It looks like Kalei wants to argue, to say that she must be exaggerating, but whatever she sees in Quill's face is apparently enough to make her decide against it.

"I'm just there when I'm convenient," Quill continues, the bitterness rising in her like a tidal wave, " _Quill, do this; Quill, fight that; Quill, buy groceries because I have no grasp of capitalism as a concept and don't seem to realise that food has to come_ _from somewhere. Quill, tell us what to do because we're idiotic little children who have delusions of grandeur but no actual clue what we're doing_ -"

She stops, pressing her mouth shut and taking in a deep breath through her nose before letting it out.

"I might as well be invisible otherwise. Because the only person who looks at me and actually _sees_ me, actually sees a _person_ with feelings and interests and capacity for _loneliness_ , and wants to do something about it... is you."

Kalei steps out of the kitchen and comes to sit next to her on the couch. "I'm sorry. I can't even... imagine what that must be like."

_You don't even know the worst of it. That I'm a slave who means nothing to her master._

"You know, every time you ask if I'm alright, I do a double take because it's surprising to me _every time_ that someone cares enough to ask and actually want to hear the answer?"

When Quill looks up, Kalei is staring at her and seems to have a lump in her throat.

"Well, I'm just going to have to keep doing it until the idea of someone caring becomes less outlandish to you," Kalei says eventually, that quiet determination back in her voice.

She reaches out to rest her hand on top of where Quill's is buried in Xenophilius' fur, and gives it a gentle squeeze. Quill blinks. The gesture is strange, foreign, but feels like it's intended to comfort her - and it does.

"There's a lot you don't know about me," Quill says slowly. "A lot you _can't_ know. But if you did-"

"I don't think," Kalei begins, her voice quiet, "that we should worry about _ifs_ right now."

Her fingers slip between Quill's to grip her hand gently. Everything about Kalei is so gentle, even though Quill knows that this woman is as strong as she is soft. But no one has ever been gentle with Quill, because it's not how her people are, and everyone else has treated her like the criminal that she is.

If anyone had asked her before today, she would have said that she didn't need or want gentle. That it's for humans and children and people who are weak. But now, she's wondering if perhaps there isn't a sort of strength - or at least, bravery - in being gentle in a world that demands resilience. In trusting someone else to be gentle with you.

"This doesn't make any sense," Quill whispers as she meets Kalei's eyes and feels that inexplicable pull, licking her lips before glancing down at Kalei's.

"Good, being sensible is for idiots," Kalei replies.

Quill isn't sure which one of them moves or if they both do. But one moment she's listening to Kalei speak and the next Kalei's lips are on hers, so soft and sweet and eager.

For a second, all Quill can think is, _so this is how it feels without spikes involved. Maybe this human form has its perks after all._

But then she's lost in the sensation of physical touch, of the thing she has been deprived of for so long, and she's kissing Kalei back as hard as she can. Her free hand reaches up to slide into her dark curly hair and use it to pull her closer.

The life she leads means than any day could be her last, that anything that comes out of the bunghole could take this from her. So she'll be damned if she doesn't take everything she can before it is ripped away.

This, right here, is _theirs_ , and she will never allow anyone else to touch it.

When Kalei finally breaks the kiss, they both lean back just enough to be able to meet each other's eyes, breathing hard.

"That okay?"

Quill stares at her, and laughs a moment later. Not loudly, not hard, but it's the first time she's done so in any way since her whole former life was ripped away from her, and she had been so sure she would never find reason to laugh like this - with no malice - ever again.

She doesn't even know why she's laughing.

 _Maybe_ , she wonders when Kalei breaks out into a huge grin and gets up to return to the kitchen with a new spring in her step, _just for now, just in this exact moment...I'm happy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me if the kiss was okay/what you were hoping for! I know you might have been expecting it to be more sexually charged, but that's next chapter after Quill is like "okay well I have shown emotion for a full half an hour and that's disgusting, so moving on".


	6. Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't take long for the dam to break, now that they're alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaand we've reached the smut. You've been warned.

Dinner is spaghetti bolognaise, which Quill takes to with great enthusiasm as if it’s a gourmet dish or her favourite junk food. She ignores Kalei every time she tries to mention it’s not special by any means.

The furious way that Quill eats is both hilarious and vaguely disgusting. Kalei has to hand over quite a few napkins to help with the sauce that gets all around her mouth. Not that it isn’t tempting to clean her mouth with her _own_ mouth, but it’s been a long day and Kalei doesn’t want to push her luck. Was the staff meeting really only this morning? The talk of the zombie apocalypse only this afternoon? It feels like it’s been an age since then.

Quill winces a few times as Kalei clears the plates away, and the blonde sighs before reaching for her phone.

“Is something wrong?”

“I just need to check on Charles,” she says, sourly, before adding, like an afterthought, “And the boyfriend.” She types a quick text and puts the phone down. “He said they wouldn’t be leaving the house tonight, so it should be fine. Just need to verify the plan hasn’t changed.”

“They’re not kids, would it be so bad if they ended up going out without you knowing?” Kalei asks, smiling.

Quill is surprisingly serious. “It’s complicated. And don’t ask me to explain, because I can’t.”

“Okay,” Kalei says, because what else is there to say to something like that? “So, what do you want to do? I’ve got movies-”

“Honestly, I’d just like to keep petting your cat,” Quill tells her, getting up from the dining table and sitting next to where Xenophilius has taken up half the couch.

Kalei laughs. “Alright, sounds like a plan. Do you want some wine?”

“Sure, why not?”

Once Kalei has poured wine into two glasses, she sits down on Quill’s other side, forced to squish in next to her because of how much space the damned cat has taken up. Quill seems surprised at her proximity but makes no complaint and takes the wine glass offered.

“Why do you like me, Kalei?” Quill asks, curiously, her finger tracing the circumference of the glass.

Kalei realises that she should have expected this question. “I’m not entirely sure,” she says, sipping at her wine, “I think at first, I thought you were intriguing, and attractive, and so I wanted to know more.”

Quill takes a sip of her own wine and turns to look at Kalei instead of the cat, eyes narrowed. “And now?”

“And now, I like that you’re strong and opinionated and you don’t stand for bigotry,” Kalei says, resisting the urge to reach out and tuck Quill’s hair behind her ear. “I like how you’re honest-”

“I’m not honest, there’s so many things I haven’t-”

Kalei puts a finger over her lips, making Quill look at her with surprise, no doubt at her having the nerve to physically silence her. “You always say what you think. I’m putting faith in the fact that when you say there are things you can’t tell me, you have good reasons. You take things seriously, but you still have a sense of humour. You make me laugh, and-”

She’s not sure what she was going to say next, but the confused way that Quill is regarding her makes her too self-conscious and she gulps down some wine instead.   

“Why do you - I mean, do you...like _me_?” She asks after several seconds.

Quill purses her lips. “I don’t _dis_ like you, which in my case is more or less the same thing. I think, more importantly, I respect you. That’s no easy feat.”

“Oh?”

“You fight for your people,” the blonde says simply, “That in itself would be enough. The fact that you care, and do something about it. But...you also like cats, and the zombie apocalypse, and flowers, and butterflies, and I only put merit in half of those things but there’s something to be said for the fact that you don’t try to hide how much they mean to you. You live _honestly._  I find that admirable.”

“Admirable,” Kalei muses, smiling, “Okay. I can work with admirable.”

Quill says nothing but her gaze is as intent on Kalei as ever. Her head tilts, a small frown turning her the edge of her lips. Then her fingers reach out to graze the frame of Kalei’s glasses.

“May I?” She asks.

Kalei swallows and nods, putting her wine glass on the table. Quill, slowly, pulls the glasses off Kalei’s face, making the maths teacher blink to adjust. She’s short sighted, so Quill herself remains in focus even if the walls and window behind her become blurry.

Quill sets the glasses on the coffee table along with her own wine glass, but never for a moment takes her eyes off Kalei’s face. Her hand reaches out to brush curls of hair out of the way so that her hand can rest on her cheek.

It’s not affectionate, exactly. It’s more...experimental.

“My god, you’re beautiful,” Quill says thoughtfully, while Kalei just blinks at her, “So clean, composed. So undeniably _good_. And all I want to do-” Her thumb grazes Kalei’s lips. “Is utterly ruin you.”

Kalei knows that she should wait. Quill is...complicated, and despite what she’s saying it’s hard to know exactly what she wants at any given time. Plus there’s the fact that they really haven’t known each other very long and that they work together - but with that one sentence, Kalei’s body has gone from zero to a hundred in a second.

She seizes Quill’s face in her hands and kisses her, hard. Quill kisses her back with the hunger that Kalei has seen flashes of but never quite realised the extent of until this moment.

This is not like their first kiss. This is something altogether different.

Quill’s hands find Kalei’s waist and grip it hard, pulling her into Quill’s lap before her hands slide up Kalei’s thighs and under her skirt. Kalei lets her tongue press against Quill’s lips and rejoices when her mouth opens to her and she can kiss her harder, deeper.

Meanwhile, Kalei’s hands find the buttons on Quill’s blouse and start trying to undo them.

Quill’s mouth wrenches away from hers to kiss down her neck, sucking and _biting_ and Kalei’s never been super into biting as a sexual thing before but now she’s moaning and clenching her fists in the fabric of Quill’s shirt.

“Bedroom,” she manages to gasp, “Wine and cat too likely to end in disaster here.”

Quill laughs against her skin, low and throaty, and it’s possibly the hottest thing Kalei has heard in her whole life. Then she uses her grip on Kalei’s legs to hitch them around her hips as she stands up and _carries_ her.

“You’re really strong,” Kalei says, which is probably a stupid thing to say.

“You have no idea,” Quill tells her, and presses her against the hallway wall with a smirk. “Well, not yet. I think it could be fun to hold you down and watch you squirm.”

“You’re going to be the death of me.”

“Death? No. Undoing? I hope so,” Quill murmurs before kissing her again. She’s set Kalei down and her hands are undoing the clasp on her skirt so that it falls to the floor.

 _So much for the bedroom_ , Kalei thinks, but has no time to be annoyed about it because Quill’s hands have hooked in her underwear.

Quill breaks their kiss so that she can look Kalei in the eye. “Tell me you want this before I go any further.”

Kalei nods, as fast as she can. “I’ve never wanted anything more in my whole life. Now, I recall a promise of being fucked so hard I wouldn’t be able to remember my own name.”

“Yes, I did say that, didn’t I?” Quill asks, mouth at her ear. “Is that what you want?”

“You know it is, now please touch me before I go mad.”

There’s a tug and a tearing of fabric that tells Kalei her underwear has met its demise. And then Quill’s fingers are _there_ and not remotely gentle and it should be too much too soon but it isn’t. A whimper escapes her and Quill chuckles against her neck, a smug sound so similar to the last one that Kalei decides then and there that this is almost definitely how she is going to die.

Quill’s thumb presses against the bundle of nerves and Kalei shamelessly bucks into her hand.

They find a rhythm, albeit an erratic one, and Quill is whispering things into her neck that are either complete nonsense or a language that Kalei has never heard before. Her other hand gropes Kalei through her shirt, as delightfully rough as all her other movements.

Kalei clutches Quill by her blouse, struggling to get it off her. It doesn’t quite work but she is able to get her hands inside and bare skin under them, smooth and wonderful and soft.

Of course, Quill retaliates by curling her fingers just so and making Kalei groan.

“I’d have done this even sooner if I knew how responsive you were,” Quill murmurs, nipping at her earlobe, her voice breathless and eager and infuriatingly _smug_ , “It’s incredible.”

“Harder,” Kalei gasps, before kissing her.

Quill kisses her back, hard, and starts moving her thumb in quick, rough circles. A shudder runs through Kalei’s whole body and she loses herself completely to the sensation, to the pleasure building higher and higher as Quill’s fingers take her over and over again.

“That’s it, good girl,” Quill whispers against her lips.

“Please,” Kalei says. “Don’t stop, please.”

For some reason, the word ‘please’ seems to have a powerful effect on Quill, who practically growls as she increases her pace.

It occurs to Kalei, very abstractly, that it’s been a very long time since she’s had sex with anyone and the same length of time since she’s had a proper orgasm because she’s always struggled managing it on her own. (Not that, over the last few days, she hasn’t tried.)

But this. Feeling her face flush, her chest get all constricted and hot (because it’s too damn good, all of this, Quill is relentless and it’s _amazing_ ), it reminds her what she’s been missing.

She’s close, so close now. She just needs a little bit more.

“Please,” she says again.

Quill’s breath is warm again Kalei’s ear and her tongue flicks out teasingly against the shell, making Kalei squirm. “Say it again.”

“Please,” Kalei whispers, but her voices breaks at the end because it turns out that all she needed was that commanding tone of voice from Quill to push her over the edge.

She comes with a cry that Quill’s mouth is quick to swallow greedily. Her free hand angles Kalei’s face to kiss her like they’re both drowning and need each other as much as they do oxygen (which is mostly true, in Kalei’s case).

Kalei leans back against the wall, completely boneless, and tries to regain her breath. Which isn’t easy when Quill takes a step back and cleans her fingers with her mouth without breaking eye contact.

“Fuck me,” Kalei says, mouth dry.

“I thought I just did,” Quill remarks, smirking.

“Shut up.” Kalei tugs her in by the belt loops of her trousers and grins. “Now it’s my turn. Come on. _Bedroom_ this time.”

Kalei’s bedroom is modest, like the rest of her apartment, but it has a double bed and that’s all they need. She keeps her grip on Quill firm, walking her back until the backs of her knees hit the bed.

She starts removing Quill’s clothes. Pulling her trousers down to reveal those long legs that have haunted her dreams, slipping the shoes and the infuriating shirt off, waiting until Quill is left in her plain black underwear before taking a step back and just staring.

“You are...exquisite,” Kalei murmurs.

Quill doesn’t seem to have any idea what to say to that. She’s not blushing, but almost looks like she should be, eyes downcast and a hand tucking hair behind her ear. Kalei approaches her and leans up to kiss her, more softly than any of their kisses except their first.

Her hands meanwhile sweep across her torso gently, unhooking Quill’s bra and discarding it on the floor. When she pulls away, though, Quill is biting her lip in what looks like an attempt to keep herself composed.

Kalei’s hands jerk back immediately. “What’s wrong?”

Quill immediately shakes her head and seizes Kalei’s hands to put them back on her body, one on her waist and one of her left breast. “Don’t stop,” she says, her voice oddly hoarse, “I haven’t - no one’s touched me in so long.”

The truth of the words are in the eyes, normally as sharp and cynical as they are blue. They couldn’t be more different now - earnest, yearning, betraying a _need_ that staggers Kalei with its intensity.

Kalei’s heart pangs painfully at the thought of just how lonely Quill really seems to be.

“I won’t stop,” she promises, one of her hands sweeping down the length of Quill’s now bare back, “I’m going to make you feel so good, I promise.”

The next kiss is a little firmer, but still not remotely like the ones before. The animalistic quality of the hallway encounter has given way to something softer but no less desperate. She lightly pushes Quill back onto the bed and climbs over her, kissing everywhere within reach: her jaw, her neck, her clavicle, her breasts, her sternum -

“Oh my god, just get on with it,” Quill groans, “Do you have _any_ idea how close I came to getting off just from the noises you were making back there?”

“The noises, or my saying please?” Kalei asks, amused.

“Both. God, it felt so good to be in control of something again, to have someone _ask_ instead of demand.”

Kalei pauses, a little concerned by yet another indicator of how obviously trapped Quill feels in some part of her life. She wants to ask, she wants to know, but now isn't the time. Now is the time for doing the one thing Kalei definitely can do, which is make Quill feel so good that she can briefly forget all the things so obviously weighing her down.

Kalei shuffles down Quill’s body - leaving a trail of urgent kisses down her stomach - so that she can loop her fingers through Quill’s underwear and pull it down her legs. Soon it is on the floor and as forgotten as the rest of Quill’s clothing.

“Yourshirt needs to go,” Quill tells her, and Kalei pauses to get rid of her blouse, meaning she is left wearing her lacy blue bra and not a stitch more. “Ooh. I like the lace.”

“Good, because there’s more where that came from.”

Kalei presses a kiss to one of Quill’s hipbones while her fingers explore the apex of her thighs, curious after Quill’s earlier complaint and admission. Her eyebrows lift and she can only feel immensely flattered.

“Wow, you really were not kidding,” she says, awed. Quill’s hips buck just at the light touch and Kalei smirks. “Patience.”

“I waited a whole four days after realising I wanted to have you against a hard surface to actually do it, where I come from that’s not just restraint, that’s _unheard of_ , don’t you dare tell me about patience,” Quill tells her, utterly beautiful in her breathless anger.

Kalei laughs at her but decides to be kind, gently pushing Quill’s thighs further apart and lowering her head until a single flick of her tongue makes the blonde squirm.

Quill’s hand is quick to slip into Kalei’s hair and grip it tight.

“Hurry up and just fuck me already,” Quill groans.

Kalei is more than happy to do as she’s told. The way that Quill’s whole body starts to tremble is glorious, but not as much as the yells she lets out whenever Kalei’s tongue finds just the right spot. More of that strange language escapes Quill in what sounds like breathy cursing.

When she knows she needs to look at Quill in her entirety or she’s going to go out of her mind, she lifts her head and lets two of her fingers keep up her work in the meantime.

The sight of Quill, completely bare and laid out on Kalei’s bed, flushed and panting, is without a doubt the most incredible thing Kalei has ever seen.

“You’re so beautiful,” Kalei says, before putting her tongue back to work.

It’s mere seconds before Quill is bucking against her mouth, hand like a vice in her hair and keeping her in place. Quill’s legs shake and Kalei gives her no moment of reprieve, no mercy since she was denied it herself.

Quill falls over the edge with a tiny, strangled sob. Kalei grins against her skin and kisses her inner thighs, her hands sliding gently over Quill’s hips. The grip on her hair doesn’t loosen and instead yanks her up.

Kalei is all too happy to be pulled into a rough, needy kiss of teeth and tongues. Quill’s hands move to fumble behind her back to get off her bra so that they’re finally both completely without clothing. Kalei straddles her without breaking their kiss, her hands slipping into Quill’s short, silky hair. Quill immediately flips them over, apparently determined to be on top.

It’s just kissing but it’s the kind of kissing that could probably get at least one of them off again just on its own, with grinding hips and moaning into each other’s mouths and hands absolutely everywhere.

Quill is too rough, or what Kalei knows she should _think_ is too rough. She grips too hard, bites Kalei’s shoulder and breaks the skin, and Kalei knows she shouldn’t love it but she does. She notices that when she matches Quill’s movements or opposes them, Quill seems to like it.

It comes as absolutely no surprise that the blonde likes a power struggle.

They end up practically wrestling with each other after Kalei tries to get on top out of sheer curiosity to see whether Quill would allow it. Kalei is surprised by how exhilarating she finds it, turning sex into a kind of game. A competition. Well, she _has_ always been the competitive type.

“I keep forgetting not to underestimate you,” Quill gasps against Kalei’s lips when the brunette finally at one point manages to flip her over.

“You and everyone else,” Kalei says, grinning before tugging on Quill’s bottom lip with her teeth.

Finally, though, Quill’s strength wins out and Kalei is just too exhausted to fight back. Besides, the sight of Quill astride her, eyes alight with triumph, isn’t one she’s in a hurry to disturb.

“I win,” she breathes, and Kalei knows she should say something but can’t do much except look up at her with awe and no small amount of adoration. Quill’s hand runs down Kalei’s body, grazing the side of her breast. A large, satisfied grin decorates her face. “I suppose that makes you my prize, doesn’t it?”

“I suppose it does. Take whatever you like,” Kalei whispers.

Quill does.

It feels like they’ve been at it for days by the time they finally collapse on the mattress and let their heads rest on the pillows. Kalei can already feel bruises forming all over her body from Quill’s biting and sheer force.

“Ow,” she says, laughing a little.

Quill props herself up on her elbow to sweep some of Kalei’s hair behind her shoulder and reveal the lovebites and actual bites peppering her neck and shoulders. “Did I hurt you?”

“Not in any way I didn’t like.”

Quill looks pleased. “Good. It didn’t actually occur to me until just now that I could have _very_ easily gone too far with you. Well, maybe not given that - nevermind. Point is that this was...positively gentle, by my standards.” Kalei cocks an incredulous eyebrow at her, and Quill shrugs. “What can I say? Violence and sex just go together, where I came from.”

“Mildly concerning,” Kalei says, “But I just had the roughest and best sex of my entire life, so I can’t really argue that point. Though I’m thinking I’m going to need to wear some scarves to school for the next week or so.”

Quill smirks. “If you don’t want them all to know what you’ve been up to, then yes.”

Kalei regards her thoughtfully. “You keep saying _where I come from_. But you don’t sound foreign. What do you mean?”

“That, Kalei,” Quill says slowly, “Is a conversation for another time.”

“...alright. Different question then.”

“If you must.”

Kalei grins. “Now that we’ve ravaged each other like animals, have we reached the point where I can call you Andy?”

Quill’s eyes roll so hard that Kalei can only giggle. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re going to keep asking until I say yes?”

“Because you are an incredibly intelligent, incredibly gorgeous woman, who I have a great appreciation for.”

“....fine.”

Kalei lets out a happy sigh and sinks into her pillows. “Good. So, would you rather I call you Quill when we’re having sex, or-” A pillow collides with her face and she laughs for a whole second before a yelp of pain from Quill makes her stop short.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Quill curses, and when Kalei sits up she sees Quill’s face contorted with annoyance. “It was a fucking _pillow-_ ”

“What are you talking about? Are you okay?”

“I’ll be okay when I’m dead,” Quill mutters, “Or when he is.”

It would be so easy to pretend to not have heard her, or disregard it as just one of those Quill things. But Kalei can’t. Something about her words cut deep into Kalei’s chest, confirming something she has always suspected.

That Quill is truly miserable.

“Please don’t say that,” Kalei says quietly, turning to look at her and reaching out to brush a strand from her bob behind her ear, “Why would you say something like that?”

Quill flinches away from her touch. “I don’t make it a secret that my life makes a mockery of me and everything I stand for.”

“But why?”

They’ve just spent hours fucking each other ten different ways to Sunday, after spending almost the entire day together. They’re lying naked in her bed, less than an arm’s reach from each other. But as Quill looks at her in that moment, Kalei feels like it’s thousands of miles and several walls between them and not less than a foot of empty air.

“There is no way you could possibly understand,” Quill says flatly. It’s not malicious, or accusing. It’s just...definite.

“That’s easy to say when you haven’t tried to explain,” Kalei retorts.

“I _can’t_ ,” Quill says through gritted teeth.

“Why not?”

“For reasons your tiny little brain couldn’t possibly comprehend!”

Kalei feels like she’s been slapped, and stares at her with shock. “Well, I’m glad to know what you really think of me,” she says, nausea curling in her stomach, “You know, next time you need someone to fuck, just say so and don’t bother trying to be nice about it. Or better yet, get Tinder like a normal person.”

She rolls over so that she’s facing away from Quill, who she hears curse under her breath with words Kalei doesn’t understand and then take a deep breath.

“Kalei,” she says, slowly, “That’s not remotely what I meant.”

“Then what _did_ you mean?”

“Even if telling you everything about me _wouldn’t_ put Charlie and I at risk, you wouldn’t believe me,” Quill explains, and Kalei feels her fingertips brush along the line of her spine, “And if you did, you wouldn’t want to be around me if you knew the things I had done. Our morals don’t match.”

Kalei rolls back around and finds Quill regarding her solemnly.

“You said you fought for your people,” Kalei says, “How can that be a bad thing?”

“I fought in war. I killed people. Isn't that something you’d consider to be a bad thing?” Quill asks, holding her gaze with disturbing clarity. “Regardless of why I did it. I’ve found that you moral types like to draw lines that don’t take reasoning into account.”

Kalei does her best to process that. It’s difficult, she can’t get her head around it completely, but the logical part of her knows deep down that it’s all too plausible.

“Was it necessary? For your people?”

“Yes.”

“Were your people worth fighting for?”

“Yes.”

Kalei offers her a tiny, tentative smile. “Then I think there’s at least a good chance I could understand. Even if I obviously don’t approve of killing.” Quill swallows, hard. “Look, you don’t have to tell me today. Or tomorrow. God knows we haven't known each other long enough for you to have any obligation to, especially not if you think it would put you or Charlie in danger, that’s the last thing I’d want. But I do want you to know that you _can_ talk to me. I’ll try my hardest to understand.”

When Quill doesn’t answer, Kalei reaches out for the hand that is resting on top of the covers. She takes it in her own and entwines their fingers. Quill starts and looks at her curiously. Kalei just smiles, and after a moment Quill relaxes.

“I think we should get some sleep,” Kalei says, “Unless you need to get back to your own place.”

“I’ll grab my phone and check, but it should be alright.” Quill slides out of bed and Kalei is quietly disappointed at the loss of her hand. It’s almost worth it for the sight of Quill’s glorious bare back and arse walking away from her, though.

She returns a minute later with the phone and sets it down on the bedside table on her side of the bed.

“All quiet.”

“On the Western front?” Kalei asks, grinning.

“What?”

“Nevermind.”

Quill slides back into bed and Kalei takes a chance and snuggles into her. The blonde, as expected, tenses but thankfully doesn’t immediately push her away.

“Is this okay?” Kalei asks all the same.

“I’m not entirely sure what _this_ is.”

“What, cuddling?”

“Urgh,” Quill says with disgust, “Is that it? I can’t believe this. This is what I’ve been reduced to. I’m somebody that people think it’s acceptable to _cuddle_ now.”

“Not people,” Kalei replies, giggling and dropping a kiss onto her shoulder, “Just me. But I can let go if you want me to.”

Quill is silent. “No, it’s fine,” she eventually mumbles. She’s still stiff but slowly relaxing and Kalei can feel her grip tightening. Her earlier words ring in Kalei’s head. _No one’s touched me in so long..._

“Okay. If you’re sure.” She’s fairly certain she understands now. Quill isn’t against physical affection, quite the opposite. She’s just completely unused to it. It’s encouraging and heartbreaking all at once.

“Goodnight, Kalei.”

“Goodnight, Andy.”

“Hmph.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope that was everything you guys were hoping for, for their first time! Let me know what you thought!


	7. Coffee, Sex, and Chocolate, in No Particular Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill discovers mochaccinos, Kalei isn't above bragging about her sexual conquests, and watching zombie movies proves to be an interesting experience for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS (EVE)! 
> 
> This is quite a light, fun chapter. Though not without a little bit of Quill angst because I can't really help myself.

Quill wakes up to an empty bed and the smell of bacon. She stretches her body - pleasantly sore but not to any degree she finds significant - and lets herself enjoy the softness of the bed and its covers before the twinge in the back of her head nudges her into checking her phone.

Three missed calls and five texts.

 **Bane of My Existence:** _Where are you?_

 **Bane of My Existence:** _I know you said you were going to be out, but you're still not back. Why were you gone all night? What were you doing?_

The next two texts are along the same vein - he really is such an infuriatingly _repetitive_ creature - but the last one is from Matteusz.

 **Polish One:** _I have pointed out to Charlie that it is not fair of him to monitor every moment of your time. Provided you are not plotting anything that might result in our being harmed, I hope you are having a pleasant start to your weekend, whatever you are doing._

"Well, that's disturbingly _nice_ ," Quill says, frowning at the phone.

 **Quill:** _Inform Charles that no plotting has occurred and he can verify as much when I get home later today, but that he should refrain from inquiring further into my activities. My answering will only be uncomfortable for all of us._

Matteusz replies with just a 'thumbs up' emoji. She can't be sure if she finds it stupid or appreciates his conciseness.

"Hey," Kalei says from the doorway. She's wearing Quill's shirt - _just_ Quill's shirt - and holding two mugs. "I have coffee."

"Lead with that every time, Jacobs, and you'll get far," Quill tells her as she comes to sit on the edge of the bed and hands over one of the mugs.

"How did you sleep?"

"Not having to hear teenage boys having sex was a nice change."

Kalei chokes on her coffee from laughing but thankfully doesn't get any of it on Quill's shirt. "Well, that answers a question I never asked. Sorry about that, though."

"I don't actually mind," Quill says honestly, "It means they bother me a lot less." She takes a long sip of coffee - it tastes faintly of chocolate, which is quite frankly incredible - and takes a deep breath. "God, I don't want to go back."

"You could stay here," Kalei says, mischief in her eyes, "I have bacon, coffee, a cat, and a recently reactivated sex drive that's being a bit demanding."

The alien finds herself snorting. "Tempting, but duty calls." Her eyes fall on the shirt. It's longer on Kalei but tighter around her curvier body. Something primal in her loves the sight of Kalei wearing her clothing. "Then again...I could probably get away with not leaving for another hour or so."

Her free hand moves to rest on Kalei's bare thigh.

"Drink your coffee," Kalei says firmly, "I put _chocolate_ in that."

"I knew it!" Quill doesn't know if she's spoken this eagerly about anything since her enslavement but can't stop herself. "It's genius. I normally like my coffee bitter, but if its got chocolate then that's a complete gamechanger-"

"For reference, it's called a mochaccino," Kalei laughs, "I'm not the first one to come up with it."

"Oh." Quill knows that it's only logical, of course, but she feels a sense of disappointment all the same. "Well, good to know." She takes a large gulp and swallows. "Okay, but seriously. Sex. Yes, or no?"

Kalei shakes her head, a curious mixture of fondness and exasperation in her eyes. "Finish the coffee."

"I only need one hand for that," Quill says seriously. Kalei stares at her for a moment before bursting into helpless laughter.

"What the hell am I going to do with you?" She asks.

Quill chugs down some more of her coffee. "Whatever you like, really. If it involves one of us getting an orgasm, I'm almost definitely going to say yes. And don't give me that look, you can't wear my clothing and expect sex to not be on my mind."

True to her word, with one hand lifting the mug to her lips again, Quill lets her other hand slip between Kalei's thighs to caress the soft skin there. The brunette squirms but keeps her face resolute as she sips at her own drink.

"You're quite brave, you know," Quill says, "Going after someone like me."

"Someone like you?"

"You know. Someone guaranteed to eat you alive."

Kalei's cheeks flush and she takes another drink from her mug. "Is that a promise?"

"Oh, definitely," Quill tells her, chuckling. Her hand travels that couple of inches further that she needs, and relishes the way Kalei inhales sharply. "Now, I need you to do one thing for me."

Kalei bites her lip. "Oh?"

Quill leans in to whisper in her ear. "Turn off whatever you've got going in the kitchen. House fires are inconvenient to say the least."

"Oh my god, I'm going to kill you."

"Shush, you didn't let me finish," Quill murmurs, grazing her teeth against her earlobe and smirking when Kalei's breathing goes funny again. Meanwhile, her thumb brushes over the cluster of nerves between her legs just for a fleeting moment. Just enough to tease. "Turn it off, and then come right. Back. Here."

"You're the worst," Kalei groans.

"Mm. That's why you like me."

Kalei gets up and leaves the room, doing her best to finish off her coffee as she goes. Quill does the same and sets the mug down on the bedside table next to her phone.

When Kalei returns, she is sans mug and lingering in the doorway. Quill lifts an eyebrow and crooks a finger at her to say _get over here_. The brunette crosses to the bed slowly and Quill pushes the covers back just enough for her to be able to climb in and straddle Quill.

Nimble brown hands move to undo the shirt buttons only to be stopped by pale, long fingered ones.

"The shirt stays," Quill says, her gaze dark and even as she undoes two buttons to reveal more skin but stops there.

Kalei quirks an eyebrow but doesn't argue. On the contrary, she seems to like the idea as much as Quill and is quick to lean in and kiss her. Quill sucks on her lower lip while her hands slip underneath the shirt to touch Kalei everywhere possible. Likewise, Kalei's hands are seeking out every part of Quill's bare body they can.

It turns into their wrestle for dominance again.

"Is it so difficult to just lie back and let me fuck you?" Quill growls against her mouth a few minutes later when Kalei gets her arms pinned to the mattress. Not being able to use her full strength for fear of retaliation from the arn is getting old fast.

"What can I say, you're rubbing off on me."

"Not nearly as much as I'd like to be." Quill considers her options before thinking of one that might work as a bargaining chip. "Alright, how about this. You concede for the moment, and next time I'll let you...tie me up."

Kalei's eyes flash. "Done."

It's not something she's ever done before, of course, but she knows from her time browsing the internet that it's something humans enjoy for some reason. Quill as a species were always concerned with sexual dominance, the strongest fighter almost always ending up on top. Given that humans are a less violent species, she supposes it makes sense that they prefer to just decide in advance and use physical restraints. Of course, ideally _she_ would be the one tying up Kalei, but the whole point is that she's using this offer as a bargaining chip. Not to mention, she can't be sure that the arn would allow her tying Kalei up with the level of force that would come next. There's not exactly a manual for arn approved activities.

But Kalei's fighting her like this has given her a new appreciation for the other woman's more aggressive side, and so while the idea of being sexually submissive is bizarre and completely against her nature, it could be...interesting. Maybe.

And for now, being the one in control helps Quill feel as close to her old self as she can get, even if it makes her head twinge occasionally. It truly feels like victory when Quill can finally pin Kalei's hips to the mattress and have her not fight back, even if it's a victory won through bribery.

"There we are," Quill murmurs, sweeping her hand across Kalei's abdomen and hip. "God, look at those bruises just starting to show up. Beautiful. With any luck there'll be more before the day is out."

"Promises, promises," Kalei says, smiling breathlessly.

Quill wants her to lose that damn smile, to make her writhe and scream like it's pain she's feeling and not pleasure. It takes a certain amount of skill to pull that off without actually inflicting (much) pain. It's a unique challenge that Quill adores.

Quill's tongue brings Kalei to the edge within minutes. She is cruel, bringing her to the precipice but not over it, again and again.

"Oh god, please," Kalei begs, "Andy, Quill, please." Quill is not kind, she doesn't give in. She keeps it up, until Kalei's body is trembling and she's near sobbing. " _Please!_ "

Finally, she gets her there and she comes with a near scream. Quill climbs over her to kiss her, softly but still with that driving force behind it that is always there between them.

"I've never seen you look so gorgeous," she tells Kalei, nipping at her lips.

Kalei's whole body is still shaking. "Next time," she says, "A bit of warning might be nice. I can't handle that kind of torture on a regular basis."

"Hey, you're completely welcome to do the same to me," Quill replies, her hands slipping into Kalei's hair which is frizzy from sleep, "It might be torture, but it's the fun kind."

"You're sadistic."

"Only a little."

* * *

 

It takes them over an hour to get out of bed. When they do, the bacon is half cooked and cold. Quill showers and gets dressed while Kalei gets the pan going again, and then swaps with her so that they can both look at least half presentable to the world.

Xenophilius greets them, rubbing against Quill's legs and meowing. She picks him up and holds him to her with one arm while the other uses the kitchen utensil she can't remember the name of to poke at the bacon.

"I can just tell, my whole body is going to _hurt_ tomorrow," Kalei says with amusement as she comes back into the kitchen. For once, she's not in a floral dress or skirt but instead jeans and a t-shirt with some quote about female empowerment on it. She also makes a brief detour to the coffee table to fetch her glasses and put them back on.

"The best kind of hurt," Quill says, stretching her limbs absently. "Pain but with pleasure instead of injury."

"There are bite marks _all over_ me."

Quill knows. It's an achievement she's quite proud of. She smirks. "Don't act like you didn't love every second, Jacobs."

"Never said I didn't," Kalei retorts, taking control of the pan back to her.

"Good," Quill says, getting up in her personal space, "Because I'd have known that you were lying."

Kalei shrugs, cheeks pink, and scratches Xenophilius behind the ears where he is contently resting in Quill's arms. "What do you think, mister? Can she come back? Or did we make too much noise for you?"

Xenophilius says nothing. He just purrs.

"So I was thinking that whenever you come over next, we could watch some zombie movies," Kalei suggests, "I promise there will be chocolate, popcorn, and whatever alcohol you like."

"Vodka," Quill replies instantly, "And alright. Sure. Good form of research into this zombie apocalypse business, real or not."

"Great! We can work out the details on Monday?"

"If you like."

"I just realised I don't have your number," Kalei says, grabbing her phone and tapping a few buttons before handing it to Quill, "Here, put it in." Quill does and Kalei sends her a text so Quill can save her number.

Quill saves the number under 'Zombie Apocalypse Enthusiast'. She glances at Kalei and sees that her own nickname is 'Sometimes Andy', which makes her roll her eyes.

"Good," Quill says curtly, "Well, I should probably be going." She's starting to get a headache, which can only mean that Charlie has made some kind of decision that is going to put him in more danger than whatever he's been doing for the last day.

"What? Now? But, the food," Kalei tries to say.

Quill grabs the few pieces of bacon that are cooked and starts gnawing on them as she heads for the door. "Consider me nourished."

"Okay," Kalei says, staring, "Um, bye?"

She sounds disappointed, but Quill doesn't have time to worry about that because the headache is getting worse and _damn the infernal royal, what is he doing now_?

She calls Charlie the moment she is out of Kalei's door.

"Where are you?" She asks him. "What are you doing that's giving me a headache?"

" _Well, this lizard thing came through the tear, and Ram saw it from the football field and let us know so we're at the school trying to fight it off."_

"And I'm only hearing about now _why_?!"

" _He only called us about twenty minutes ago, and you haven't been answering your phone, I didn't think there was any point!"_

"A simple text message explaining the threat would have sufficed."

" _Last time I tried to warn you about a dangerous reptile that came through the tear, you thought I was lying to you, I figured that especially this morning you weren't going to believe me."_

"Oh, just shut up and text me where you end up so I can stop your idiotic royal arse from becoming lizard food," Quill snaps, hanging up.

Just once, it would be nice to have a day without teenagers and their _help us Quill, the world is in danger_ drama that they are so determined to pull her into.

* * *

 

After spending a good ten minutes complaining to Xenophilius about physics teachers with a serious lack of manners, Kalei is done being annoyed about it and has chalked it up to Quill just being...well, Quill. Which means that she's back to feeling more or less on top of the world.

The next thing to do is to call Sally, because it's been an incredibly eventful 24 hours and her best friend deserves an update.

"Morning!"

" _Morning,"_ Sally says, a little bemused, _"What's up?"_

"I was thinking I'd like to spend the day with my wonderful best friend, and her darling family," Kalei says brightly, "We haven't properly hung out outside of school since I got back, and that's a travesty."

" _You sound too happy. What have you - oh my god you had sex with Quill, didn't you? This is your 'I got laid' voice. It's just been ages since I've heard it."_

Kalei pauses, a little disappointed she can't break the news in person, but it only takes a second before her grin is back. "...maybe. Alright, yes, I did. And I'm in a state of euphoria and _have_ to talk about it because she's swanned off. Best friend rules dictate I get to come over and tell you everything."

"Oh boy-"

"I'll be over in twenty?"

"...I'll put the kettle on. And tell Cheng to get ready to take Bolin on a walk with the dog."

* * *

 

"Kalei!"

The small child runs as fast as he can on his little legs to get to her the moment she steps through the front door, and she bends down to wrap him in a big hug that he enthusiastically returns.

"I've missed you, Bo," she says, "Look how big you are now!"

"I know! I'm almost _five_!"

"Five?!" She makes a show of widening her eyes. "No, that can't be right. That means you're already in school?"

"But I am," he insists, "I'm learning reading and numbers and everything!"

Kalei regards him thoughtfully. "Okay. Well, as it happens, numbers are my speciality. Let's see. Two plus two."

He thinks about it for a few moments, looks at his fingers and sticks them out one by one, and then smiles. "Four!"

She does a big gasp. "You _are_ learning! You'll be in _my_ maths classes in no time."

The boy beams at her, and his dimples are nearly her undoing. While Kalei's fairly sure she couldn't handle having any of her own, she adores children of all ages and this one is a particular favourite.

"What are you two up to?"

"Tell her _nothing_ ," Kalei says to Bolin, who giggles as she straightens up to look at Sally. "Oh, you know, just plotting to overthrow the government. Nothing new."

Sally's sharp eyes flick to the scarf that Kalei has used to strategically cover up her neck and narrow with suspicion. "You know, sometimes I wish you really were. Better than pursuing awful physics teachers."

"I'm in trouble," Kalei whispers to Bolin.

"Why?"

"Kalei likes a pretty lady who isn't very nice," Sally tells her nephew.

"That's silly."

"Yes, it is."

"I did not come here to be attacked for my admittedly very questionable choices in romantic conquests," Kalei tells them, with a dramatic sigh, "But I probably should have seen it coming."

Sally rolls her eyes and grins. "Come on, I've made coffee. And I've got b-i-s-c-u-i-t-s for when Bolin goes on his walk with his dad."

Five minutes later, after Kalei has said hello to Sally's brother and waved him and Bolin off, Kalei and Sally are finally alone in the kitchen. The first thing that Sally does is grab the scarf and unravel it from Kalei's neck.

The clusters of bruises and bite marks were to be expected, of course, but not the sheer number or intensity of them. Sally's eyes widen.

"Holy _shit_ ," she says, "Kalei-" Her hand pulls at the neck of the t-shirt to confirm that the marks continue across her shoulders. "I just - fuck. Seriously?"

Kalei offers her a sheepish grin. "It's like that all over."

"God give me strength," Sally mutters.

"I've never felt more alive."

"I want to kill you."

Kalei laughs at the utterly exasperated look on her friend's face and gives her a helpless shrug. "What can I say? She's...rough." She stretches a little. "I'm amazed I can even walk, actually. After a good, what, ten rounds minimum over the last twenty hours-"

Sally closes her eyes, and takes a long sip of her tea. "I can't believe you've done this to me."

"What? Since when have you been squeamish about hearing about my sex life?" Kalei asks, frowning. "We've had conversations _about_ conversations about my sex life, to verify that you're fine with me telling you this stuff."

"Yes, but this time, it's about a colleague. And it's _this._ " Sally gestures towards Kalei's neck. "I'm not going to be able to look Quill in the eye, now! Knowing you'd had sex with her probably would have been fine. Knowing the details, knowing _this_ is what she's into, that's too much."

"Oh," Kalei murmurs, "Oops. I didn't think of that." She feels her cheeks warm. "If it helps, I don't think she's shy on the topic."

"It doesn't."

"Didn't think so. Worth a try."

Sally sighs, but good-naturedly. "Well, I've got to give you credit where it's due, you've done some fast work here."

"I've been working on her for a good nine days, ten if you count today," Kalei says, shrugging, "Besides, it wasn't planned, it just...happened. I mean, I knew it was a possibility when I brought her back to my place given that she literally told me on Tuesday that she wanted to have sex with me-"

"Wait, what?" Sally stares at her incredulously. "She just _said_ so?"

"Well, her exact words were something about having alarming new urges to pin me to the nearest hard surface and fuck me until I forgot my own name," Kalei replies, sipping her coffee.

"Oh my god," Sally says, with amazement and hint of horror, "Who does that? I mean, seriously, who does that? That's...so inappropriate."

"Not really, she already knew I liked her. And it was relevant to our conversation, it's not like she just waltzed into my classroom and announced it out of nowhere."

"Still." Sally pauses, and has some more tea. "Okay, I need biscuits." She grabs the digestives from the cupboard and offers some to Kalei before taking three for herself. "So. What _exactly_ is going on with you two? Is it just sex, are you dating now, what?"

"Bit early to put a label on it," Kalei says, shrugging and biting into a biscuit, "But I don't think it's just sex. She's... _fuck_ , Sally, she's so alone. She doesn't have _anyone_. So I don't know, I think the idea of having me-"

"She's probably alone because she's _not a nice person_ ," Sally points out.

"I don't think that's it, though. She's complicated. There's more to it than she's saying."

Sally holds her gaze, clearly thinking it over as she dunks a biscuit in her tea. "Well, you'd certainly have a better idea than me. Just be careful, okay? You're jumping into this pretty fast."

"I know, don't worry," Kalei tells her, "I know that's a stupid thing to say, but I'm okay. But I just...something about it feels right. And I don't just mean the truly spectacular sex."

"Well, I'm going to need some serious evidence that she's worthy of you if it gets serious, but for now, you have my grudging blessing to have as much kinky sex with her as you like."

"You're a true friend."

"Please don't get your heart broken, because I'm pretty sure if I had to fight her she'd crush me with her pinky but I'd be obligated to try anyway," Sally says.

Kalei grins. "You really don't have to do that."

"Yes, I do."

"Fine. But anyway, enough about me, tell me what's been going on with you. I've been completely focused on Quill for like, the whole of this week, like the hopeless bisexual I am. I'm a bad friend."

"No, you're not," Sally says, rolling her eyes.

The conversation turns to school and the horrors of Sally's biology class, and soon they are both laughing into their mugs and forgetting about bizarre physics teachers for the moment.

* * *

 

Quill is able to take a whole two minutes of Charlie and Matteusz cuddled up on the couch watching some insipid romantic comedy on Sunday morning before the sight of Charlie smiling so much makes her too nauseous and she finds herself pulling on her coat.

"Where are you going?" Charlie asks.

"Anywhere but here," she replies, before leaving.

For about ten minutes she just walks, letting the cool air brush against her skin and the rhythm of her own steps calm her a little. It isn't until she stops and takes in her surroundings that she realises she's headed in the direction of Kalei's place.

She gets out her phone.

 **Sometimes Andy:** _can I come over?_

 **Zombie Apocalypse Enthusiast:** _sure :)_

 **Sometimes Andy:** _be there soon_

About fifteen minutes later, she's walking through Kalei's front door. Kalei is still in her pyjamas - a geometric print shirt and a small pair of shorts.

"Sorry," Kalei says, "I thought about getting dressed, but then I figured there was a fifty percent chance whatever I put on could end up on the floor within ten minutes, and decided there wasn't much point."

"I really couldn't care less about your attire," Quill replies, the tension in her body making her pace. "Charles and his boyfriend were being so disgustingly happy that I had to leave."

"Aw."

"No, no, don't do that," Quill snaps, not bothering to hold back her disgust, "The Polish one is fine, but seeing Charles happy like that makes me want to vomit."

"What, he's not allowed to be happy, now?" Kalei asks, lifting an eyebrow.

"Not when he's the reason for everything that has ever gone wrong in my entire life," Quill seethes, "He hasn't earned this happiness, not after all he's done, not when-"

She stops, tries to collect herself, and curses the fact that she's telling this human too much. It doesn't matter that she actually _likes_ her, that they've had sex, or that Quill is as close to trusting her as possible for her cynical heart. None of that means anything in the face of Charlie's safety, in the face of her own at least until she can avenge her people.

"When what? What _is_ it with you and him?" Kalei asks. "There's more to it than just your being his guardian. If there's this much resentment, couldn't you try and get the arrangement changed-"

"The situation is permanent," Quill says, bitterly, and saying it out loud makes her want to cry, or be sick, or both. "I'm trapped. He has complete control over my life and that's never going to change."

"That's not how guardianship works."

"It's complicated."

Kalei considers her carefully, those sharp brown eyes taking her in, surveying every detail. "What can I do to help?"

Quill stares at her. "Keep existing. That would do wonders for my sanity."

"I think I can manage that," Kalei laughs, "Seriously, though."

"I _am_ serious."

Quill half-notices that Kalei sobers at that. There's pity in her eyes now, which Quill could really do without. She runs a hand through her hair.

"Goddess, what am I even doing here?" she asks herself.

"Please tell me how I can help, you're really worrying me," Kalei tells her. "Would...would sex help?"

"No, I don't think so," Quill says with a sigh, "I couldn't be further from the mood for that. I think I just-" She spots Xenophilius on the couch and immediately moves to sit by him so that she can pet him. Instantly, she feels a little better. "...coffee. Coffee would help. One of those mochaccinos, if possible."

"Coming right up."

Quill keeps petting Xenophilius and tries to breathe deeply. She hates that Charlie has the power to make her feel like this, that she lets him control even _this_ part of her. But she is not a prince, or a Rhodia. She is a freedom fighter and a Quill and regulating her emotions isn't something she's much good at.

"Here," Kalei says softly, sitting down next to her and handing her the mug. "Are you sure there isn't anything else I can do?"

"No, nothing. This is just something I have to live with unless I can find a loophole."

"A loophole in what? The guardianship contract?"

Quill snorts. "Something like that." She drinks long and deep from the coffee, at least half of it in one go. "Distract me. Please."

Kalei swallows, and leans in to kiss her softly. Quill sighs into it, her whole body shuddering from the contact that should feel wrong because it's so _human_ and nothing like how her own people acted with each other, but doesn't. (Maybe, just maybe, not everything about humans is disgusting. They have their good points.)

"If you had any sense at all, you'd run in the opposite direction to me and never stop."

"Stop saying things like that if you're not going to explain _why_."

Quill pulls away and sighs. "I've told you, I can't. At the risk of sounding like - what do you call it? - a broken record? Or indeed like Charles himself. It's complicated." She rubs her temple. "I'm really not in the mood for talking at all, now that I think about it."

"Then don't we put on a movie?" Kalei suggests. "You can talk as little or as much as you like."

As she gets up, Quill narrows her eyes at her. "Why are you so nice to me? I don't return the favour and my withholding information must be incredibly frustrating. Why are you putting up with it?"

Kalei puts a DVD in the player and sits back down on the couch. "Well...yeah, it _is_ frustrating, all the things you don't explain. Really frustrating, actually. But I'm not stupid enough to think that I can or should push you into talking about something you don't want to, or can't. And none of that changes anything about my being nice to you. I meant it when I said I wanted to be your friend, and this is what friends do. Since I'm the only one you've got, it's my job to be here if you need to talk about something and be ready with popcorn and a movie if you need to _not_ talk about something."

Quill regards her curiously, utterly unsure of what to say to that. It's ridiculous that someone could be this reasonable, this understanding. But then again, she could see April MacLean very easily saying the exact same words, or near enough.

Humans are weird.

"Popcorn?" she asks, because she truly has no idea of how to respond to any of the rest of it.

"Yes, if you like."

Quill has yet to try popcorn, but been meaning to get around to it. "Sure, why not?"

Kalei gets up and grabs a packet before putting it in the microwave. Quill watches her, if only for a lack of anything else to do. She flicks a quick text to Matteusz to verify that things are alright on their end. One perk of the Polish boy living with them is that she can get away with contacting him at least half of the time instead of having to deal with Charlie directly.

 **Polish One:** _Charlie and I are [thumbs up emoji]. Will be having the others over for movie night later, if that's alright with you?_

 **Quill:** _Do what you like._

 **Polish One:** _thanks!_

Quill, not for the first time, finds herself thinking about how Matteusz actually treats her like the head of their household even though they all know Charlie is the one with the real authority. It's...well, kindness, and respect. The latter of which is not something she receives a lot of these days and she appreciates it more than she will ever tell him - her way of showing appreciation is not kicking up a fuss about his living with them. Which, to be fair, is a pretty big gesture on her part.

Kalei returns with a bowl of popcorn and hits a button the remote. "This is one of my favourite zombie movies."

Quill tries some of the popcorn. It's buttery and salty and she loves it instantly. The texture is bizarre but not unpleasant, and the taste is incredible. She loves salt.

The movie is interesting enough, and seeing the imagining of the zombie apocalypse in a more blatant visual manner is quite enlightening for Quill. Of course, there were always going to be drawbacks.

"That's completely impractical," Quill says, watching the protagonist choose an utterly abysmal hiding place, "Who in their right mind would _ever_ hide there?"

"People are stupid," Kalei replies, shrugging.

About ten minutes later, she starts criticising the fight choreography and the weapon choices that the characters are making.

"Shh," Kalei says.

Another five minutes passes.

"You _idiot_ , you haven't surveyed the perimeter at all!" Quill shouts at the protagonist with exasperation. "Or made any effort to determine if you're alone, and they could come at you from almost any angle-"

Talking becomes impossible when a handful of popcorn is rudely shoved in her mouth. Quill half chokes on it in surprise and turns to look at Kalei, whose eyes are intent on the screen even though her hand is still outstretched towards Quill. She's acting innocent regardless, but there's a smirk on the corner of her lips as Quill looks at her incredulously.

The _audacity_ of this woman never ceases to amaze her. No one else would dare pull something like that on _Quill_.

"How dare-"

"Shhhh," Kalei tells her. "You're ruining it."

"Bullshit, you _like_ hearing my comments," Quill retorts, paying no mind to the popcorn that's fallen all down her front, "You've been hanging off every word I've said and only pretending to be annoyed. You're too erudite to not want to learn what someone more knowledgeable would do in these situations."

Kalei purses her lips and doesn't reply, instead licking the butter off the fingers of her left hand. (Which really shouldn't be as distracting as it is.)

"And that would be a lack of a reply due to a lack of argument."

"...okay, what would _you_ do here, then?" Kalei asks after a few second's hesitation. Quill grins with triumph and starts picking bits of popcorn off her shirt and lap to eat. "And wipe that smug look off your face. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't suit you, but it still needs to go."

Quill snorts and turns her attention back to the movie, surveying the scene and situation and letting the military commander in her take over.

"Well, for a start, multiple exits can be helpful but are ultimately more trouble than they're worth if the enemy can appear at any time. He should never have gone into the building into the first place…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, and you all have a wonderful holiday period. :) 
> 
> Let me know what you thought of the chapter! (think of it as my Christmas present haha)


	8. Interruptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie cockblocks Miss Quill, which everybody finds hilarious. Except, of course, Miss Quill herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it would seem I have the nerve to write phone sex. I don't know if younger me would be concerned, mortified, or proud. Ah well.

After the first zombie movie comes a second and a third. They run out of popcorn but Kalei replaces it with a block of chocolate that quickly disappears between the two of them.

Kalei's head is on Quill's shoulder, and she can't for the life of her recall how it ended up there but can't find it in herself to complain. She doesn't actually mind. It's nice. Or at least, not _not_ nice.

"The second one was better," Quill says when the credits on the third movie start rolling. It must be well into the afternoon by now, which is a relief since filling the hours between waking, school, and sleep is always the trickiest part of any given day.

"I know, but this one is funny," Kalei replies, and yawns, "These have made me sleepy. Which is ridiculous. It's not even dinner time yet. Oh, speaking of, will you stay for dinner?"

"Hmm, tricky decision. Go home to the teenagers I despise - well, the one I despise and his boyfriend who isn't so bad - and eat baked beans alone in my bedroom, or stay here with you and almost definitely eat something other than baked beans."

"You're right, I should definitely cook baked beans to give you more incentive to stay," Kalei says seriously. Quill whacks her on the arm and winces when the arn protests. The pain fades just as Kalei giggles. "Hang on, do you really eat baked beans alone in your bedroom?"

"Well, where else am I meant to eat where Charles won't bother me?" Quill asks.

She sees Kalei frown, but no comment comes her way. Probably for the best. Quill stretches her body as best she can without displacing Kalei from her shoulder.

"...I think I could be in the mood for sex now," she says absently.

Kalei bursts into a fresh set of giggles. "Sometimes, I just can't believe you."

"...is that a no?"

* * *

One round of couch sex and half a lasagna later, they've gotten distracted by each other again. After Kalei's assurances that they're fine to leave the lasagne in the oven and make a detour to the bedroom, Quill has gotten a squirming Kalei pinned to the bed and is grinning down at her.

"I win this round," she says, bending over her to kiss her roughly and bite down on her lip. "Better luck next time."

"I believe I was promised being able to tie you up."

"Tsk. Not today." She peels Kalei's shirt off and kisses her way down between her breasts, her hands busy keeping her down because it seems to be a rule between them now that neither of them can just give up.

And of course, that's when Quill's phone rings.

"Oh for the love of all that is holy," she curses, sitting up and digging in her pocket for the phone and mentally conjuring up at least six creative ways to kill Charlie before it's even in her hand. The arn gives her a sharp zap for each one but she bites her tongue to stop the pain from showing on her face.

"Don't answer it," Kalei says, trying to grab the phone only for Quill to frown at her and snatch it out of her reach.

She answers the phone. "Since I know you're not dying, Charles, you'd better be telling me that the world is about to end or I'm hanging up on you."

" _No, you'll stay on the line anyway_ ," Charlie says, " _Now. Matteusz says that you said it was alright if the others came over for movies."_

Quill vaguely remembers receiving and sending the texts in question but had happily pushed it from her mind to be replaced by zombie movies of questionable quality.

"Yes, I did," Quill replies, wanting to scream out of frustration and loathing. Kalei has meanwhile slipped her hands underneath Quill's shirt and is exploring the skin underneath.

" _Well, Tanya's mother is very strict, and so Tanya isn't allowed to come over if we don't have an adult with us. Something about her being too young to be around so many boys. I don't know."_

"So what?" Quill thinks it over. Her automatic response is to obviously just do it without Tanya, but she knows him. She knows what he's going to say. "Oh, no-"

" _I need you to come home right now so that you're here when she's dropped off."_

"No, no, I will not drop what I'm going just for your little social plans-"

" _Does what you're doing involve keeping the Earth safe?"_

"...no."

" _Keeping_ us _safe?"_

"No."

" _Then yes, you will. You'll come straight home, right now. I command it."_

"Fine," Quill bites out, before hanging up and bending over so she can muffle her scream against Kalei's bare stomach.

"What's wrong?" Kalei asks, concerned.

"...I have to go," Quill says sourly, climbing off Kalei and moving to stand in front of the full length mirror to fix her clothing and hair.

"Seriously? Charlie can't wait another twenty minutes for whatever he needs?"

"Apparently not."

Quill goes back to the lounge to fetch her shoes that she had discarded towards the end of the first movie. By the time she's got them her feet in them, Kalei has followed her, shirt back on.

"Why do you do whatever he says?" She asks Quill, who blinks at her.

"What?"

"First Tuesday, now this. It seems like you're letting him order you around. You do know _you're_ the guardian, right? He has to listen to _you_."

"I'll thank you not to make assumptions about the power dynamics of my household," Quill says sharply, making Kalei flinch. "Given that you know nothing of substance about Charles or why and how the two of us got stuck with each other."

"No, because you won't tell me."

"Because I _can't_ -"

"I'm sorry," Kalei says, but sounds reluctant, "But you must realise how this sounds to me."

"I don't actually care," Quill replies. When she sees the offended look on her face, she adds, "Look, I know that sounds harsh, but until I tell you, there's no point you trying to apply any normal logic to my situation. So stop trying."

She heads for the door, but is stopped when Kalei grabs her arm. Quill has to fight the instinct to respond in a defence that would end with Kalei on the floor. Some habits are hard to break.

"Wait, I don't want to leave it like that," Kalei protests, "I'll stop trying to understand the you and Charlie thing, if that's what you want. It's really not any of my business, I guess. I'll trust that you know what you're doing."

"Good," Quill says, unsure why she feels so immensely uncomfortable.

"I'll see you tomorrow, yeah? And you can text or call me before then if you want. If having that many teenagers around gets to be a bit much."

Quill nods. "That could be...helpful. Thank you." She takes a deep breath and tries to discard some of her anger. It might be valid, but it shouldn't be directed at Kalei. "...sorry."

"Apology accepted," Kalei says, and kisses her quickly. "See you soon. Try not to let them get to you too much."

"Can't make any promises."

* * *

Quill arrives home just as Tanya is being dropped off.

"See, she's here, Mum," the girl is telling her mother as she gets out of the car, "It's fine. It's going to be fine. Isn't it, Quill?"

"Of course," Quill replies automatically.

"You'll be ensuring there is no nonsense between the girls and the boys?" The mother asks Quill.

"Anyone doing something they shouldn't be will promptly find themselves strung up from my front door by their own shirt," Quill says, barely glancing at her.

Mrs Adeola nods, apparently appeased. "Good." She tells Tanya something about making sure she's home by 11, and then drives off, leaving Tanya and Quill outside of the house.

"Nice one," Tanya says, impressed.

"I wasn't lying," Quill tells her, "But as it happens I think she and I have very different ideas about what teenagers should and shouldn't be doing."

"Right. Well still, thanks. And sorry, that you had to come home just because of me," Tanya says to Quill, looking genuinely apologetic.

"Don't worry about it, it's not _your_ fault," Quill says with a roll of her eyes as the two of them walk towards the front door, "You're not the one who physically forced me to do it."

Tanya frowns. "Wait, what?"

"Nevermind."

They go into the house, where the other teenagers have taken over the lounge with pillows and blankets and bowls of snacks. Tanya is greeted with a chorus of smiles and 'hey's from the others.

"Is there anything else you need, Charles?" Quill asks her enslaver loudly. "Since you've successfully ruined my evening already."

"That was hardly my intention," Charlie says, frowning at her, "But you were needed here."

"Besides, what were you planning on doing?" Ram asks Quill skeptically.

It takes every ounce of Quill's self-control to not say 'your maths teacher'. Instead, she glares at him and the other curious teens.

"Oh, I don't know, the half naked woman who was underneath me when I received Charles' phone call?" Quill retorts. Over half of the teenagers choke on their food or drinks, but Matteusz just laughs and Tanya looks impressed.

Charlie and Ram look similarly disgusted and the former is still coughing when he tries to speak.

" _What_?"

"You heard me," Quill says, moving to the kitchen to grab a granola bar and a glass of water that she can take to her room.

"Who?" Charlie asks, bewildered.

"Absolutely none of your business, Charles."

"It's called Tinder, mate," Ram laughs. "I guess even bitchy alien physics teachers can get laid with the power of the internet."

Quill rolls her eyes and leaves the room without another word. Being able to lock herself in her bedroom is even more of a relief than usual. She gets into her pyjamas and curls up in bed with her granola bar and the second book in the Divergent trilogy.

The occasional shouts or eruptions of laughter from the living room disturb her a lot more than she knows they should.

She finishes the book. The cliffhanger is enough to make her want to start the next one, but that would mean venturing into the lounge to get it. So: no book, granola bar eaten, very little in way of anything else to do.

Quill goes on her phone and looks at pictures of cats for a good twenty minutes until a text comes in.

**Zombie Apocalypse Enthusiast:** _you still alive?_

**Sometimes Andy:** _unfortunately_

**Zombie Apocalypse Enthusiast:** _that bad? If it helps, Xenophilius misses you already._

**Sometimes Andy:** _There's no way you could possibly know that, but I appreciate the sentiment. I've finished my book and don't want to get the other one because it would involve interacting with teenagers. I'm bored out of my mind._

Her phone starts ringing and she picks up.

"Was Xenophilius was a metaphor for you?" Quill asks, frowning even though Kalei can't see it. "It only just occurred to me."

" _Well, that would be telling,"_ Kalei says with a small laugh, " _But he's lacking in cuddles. Still, he's asleep now."_

"I'm sorry about having to leave."

" _It's alright."_

"I wish you were here. Or that I was there. Mostly the last one."

" _...what would you do if you were? Would you make it up to me for having to run out on me?"_ Kalei's voice has taken on a tone of mischief, which Quill finds curious.

"Of course," Quill says, "I'd fuck you silly. Well, sillier."

" _How would you start?"_

"You know, I don't think going into the details is really going to help this whole sexual frustration issue." A laugh comes from the other end of the line. "What?"

" _There's a fairly easy solution, Andy. You don't need two hands to hold a phone."_

Quill blinks. "Oh." A slow smile spreads across her lips. "Ohhh."

Kalei laughs at her. " _Bit slow on the uptake there."_

"Well, I've never had phone sex before, cut me some slack," Quill says.

For all her detestation of human communication devices, this is an intriguing notion that may just raise her opinion of them. She knows about phone sex as a concept the same way she knows about bondage, because reading things online is pretty much the only thing she has other than literature to pass the time. But phone sex had always seemed an incredibly strange concept until now.

" _What are you wearing?"_

"Black camisole, pyjama pants. You?"

" _Same sleeping shorts as before. T-shirt."_

"Mm. Take the shirt off, and the bra if there is one."

There's a pause and a rustling, and Quill visualises how the fabric would fall to the floor and the beautiful expanse of Kalei's brown skin that would be on display.

" _Now what? What would you do, if you were here?"_

"You know exactly what, my mouth would be all over you while my hand gets under those shorts," Quill says, "Inside you before you can even say 'please'."

" _Oh god, I knew this was a good idea,"_ Kalei murmurs. Her voice sounds funny.

"Oh, have we gotten to the part where I'm meant to be-"

" _Only if you want to, but yes."_

Quill takes a second to be glad she locked the bedroom door, and another to ask herself if she's really about to do this with five teenagers in her house. The answer is of course, yes, and her hand slides down underneath the waistband of her pyjama bottoms.

She's only done this in the past in this body after reaching extreme levels of boredom. Well, that and Monday after she had realised how much she wanted Kalei. That had been a necessity. Monday had been the first time it had worked particularly well, since before that it had been been difficult to tell exactly what she liked or wanted in this bizarre new body. But now, now she knows exactly what she wants.

"Tell me what you're going to do when you tie me up," Quill asks.

Her mentioning Kalei getting to tie her up had just sort of slipped out at the time, had been a way of getting what she wanted by offering something she had guessed Kalei might want. But what would it be like? What would it actually involve?

The more she thinks about it, the more curious she is. It's not something that Quill as a people ever did and she'd been vaguely intrigued ever since stumbling upon an article online talking about it. Humans have the strangest ideas, but not all of them are bad.

Kalei takes a deep breath. " _Honestly? I want to hear every possible noise you're capable of making. I'm going to lie you back on my bed and get you back for earlier, go down on you so slowly and so gently that you lose your mind."_

It sounds terrible. It sounds _amazing_. Quill's hand increases pace.

" _I'm going to leave lipstick and bite marks all over your thighs and by the time I'm done with you, you're going to be begging me-"_

"I don't beg."

" _Well, you're going to beg me. I'm a patient woman."_

"Prove it."

" _Oh, I will. Maybe I'll get you to the edge and just stop, make you lie there and watch while I get myself off right in front of you,"_ Kalei says, her voice low.

Quill groans. "You're far more evil than you look. And a fast learner."

" _Always. I'm a quick study. Give me another week or two and I'll be able to - oh god, I'm close, can you help-"_

"I bet you look gorgeous," Quill says, "Lying there breathless, like you were yesterday morning when you were begging _me_. I'll never forget that. Those sounds or the sight of you. If you were here I'd have you ten different ways before I let you catch your breath. Riding my fingers, bent over the bed, against the door-"

From the breathing on the other end, she thinks Kalei must only be seconds away. Quill is close too.

" _You could tie me up too sometime, if you like,"_ Kalei says, voice tight, " _I'd let you have me any way you wanted, I'd be happy for bondage to come into that."_

Any way she wanted.

Kalei. Giving complete submission like the warriors that would advance on Quill fully knowing that they would lose, who had been all too eager to please their leader after their victories before she had chosen a singular mate in their place. Sexual dominance runs through her blood, is a part of her culture almost as much as fighting itself. And Kalei choosing to submit not out of allegiance or admiration but just because she can sense it's what Quill wants, what would make her happy - she can picture her clearly, eyes wide and shining with lust and need -

Quill bites down on her tongue to keep in the moan that escapes her when she comes, and through the phone she hears Kalei letting out a tiny, beautiful noise amidst her heavy breathing.

" _Thank you,"_ Kalei murmurs into the phone.

"No, thank you."

" _That was fun."_

Quill laughs a little. "I suppose that's one word for it. And huh. I actually feel tired now. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Kalei."

"Sweet dreams, Andy."

The moment she hangs up, there's a knock on her door and she wants to scream.

* * *

Tanya has to grin at the put out look on Charlie's face when he returns from asking Quill if they can order pizza.

"What did she say?"

"She mostly just yelled at me to go away. There was a lot of swearing."

"Does it matter? We don't need an adult to order pizza anyway, I tried to tell you that," April says to Charlie with a mouthful of marshmallows. (Charlie had not seen marshmallows before tonight. Tanya is continually amazed at the things he hasn't experienced even though she knows she shouldn't be.)

"Is true, you did not need to disturb her any more than we already have today," Matteusz agrees.

Charlie starts spluttering. "How was _I_ supposed to know that she was going to be off doing-"

"A woman?" April grins and laughs at the horrified look on his face. "Is it _really_ so surprising? I've been getting sapphic vibes off her for a while-"

"What?" Charlie looks at her with bemusement. "Don't be ridiculous, it's not _that_ , only your planet gets hung up on that sort of thing. But she's supposed to be my protector, my teacher, and-"

"And she still has needs like any other person," Tanya says.

Ram makes a face. "Ew, Tanya. Still. If she actually got laid, maybe she'd be a bit nicer."

"Can we _not_ talk about this?" Charlie asks. "I don't want to be thinking about Quill of all people in that kind of situation."

"I can't believe you cockblocked Miss Quill," April says, giggling.

" _What_?!" Charlie yelps. "Whatever that is, I didn't do anything, it wasn't my fault-"

"You totally did," Tanya says with a grin. Charlie looks to his boyfriend, who is reclining with the casual ease he applies to everything and popping a jellybaby in his mouth.

"You did," Matteusz says, making Charlie groan and the others erupt into laughter.

What Tanya finds interesting, as they explain to Charlie what cockblocking is and bicker over pizza flavours so April can make the phone call, is that none of the others seem to concerned with _who_ Quill had been about to have sex with. (And, actually, had possibly _already_ had sex with, since they had no proof that this was the first time.)

She guesses it's that they all just assume it's what Ram said, a Tinder hook up or something of the sort. But she's not convinced - there's this feeling in her gut.

She can't forget about Miss Jacobs. About that exchange last Friday. They'd been _flirting_. Miss Jacobs more blatantly, which makes sense, but Quill _had_ been flirting back. It was just harder to tell because it's _Quill_. But of course her classmates are idiots and didn't really notice.

Whether they'd have jumped into bed together by now is trickier to work out, and Tanya's not really sure she wants to think about the details. But they _are_ adults and she knows she's sitting with at least two teenagers who jumped into bed together within a couple of weeks (and she expects Ram and April to go the same way, she's not oblivious and they haven't stopped flirting all night). Besides, Jacobs had definitely been interested in Quill and it's not like Quill has admirers lined up out the door.

A Tinder date is still possible, even likely, but Tanya has learned to trust her gut. All the same, the only thing she _is_ sure of is that she's going to be keeping a very close eye on Quill and Jacobs to try and see if she's right.

(And it's not because she thinks they'd be a really cute couple. Or alternatively that the idea of them hooking up is kind of….weirdly appealing. On a more personal level. _That_ is a much bigger, scarier thought for another day and not something she's going to deal with right now.)

* * *

Monday is not particularly eventful. The most curious thing that happens all day is the biology teacher taking one look at Quill, turning bright red, and quickly making off in the opposite direction.

Weird.

It isn't until two hours later when she spies the biology teacher laughing with Kalei that she remembers that the two of them are friends. Ah. So Kalei hasn't been completely quiet about their activities. Interesting.

When Quill is brought her coffee at lunch, she notices the large scarf and high neckline of Kalei's dress.

"Let me see," Quill says, and approaches Kalei to delicately pull at the scarf. The skin underneath is covered in marks of her making and she is surprised at just how satisfying it is to see.

"Beautiful," she says, smirking a little even though she means the words most genuinely. Kalei blushes when their eyes meet. "Oh, I want to kiss you right now. That's inconvenient."

"The joys of workplace romance," Kalei replies, sighing.

"Oh, as a warning, Charlie's little gang know I'm sleeping with somebody so if you don't want them to know it's you I recommend reigning in the...fondness and all of that."

Kalei smiles. "Fondness?"

"Yes. You don't exactly do a good job of hiding how much you like me, Jacobs. Quite embarrassing, really. For you."

"Fair point," Kalei says, rolling her eyes at the embarrassment comment, "But the way I see it, life's too short to pretend you don't like people when you do." Quill arches an eyebrow. "But...in this case, you might have a point about hiding it. Bit early for rumours to be running around."

"Agreed." Quill glances at her lips. "We should probably start by standing further apart."

"Hm."

They linger there for another few seconds before Kalei finally steps back, just in time for Quill to spy Tanya Adeola standing in the doorway. The girl looks pleased, or possibly smug, for some unfathomable reason.

"What?" Quill asks sharply.

"Sorry, I just had a question about the homework," she says, with an awkward and apologetic smile. "It'll only take a second, I promise."

"You've never needed help with it before, I've not done anything differently."

Tanya's lips quirk. "No, the maths homework."

"But this is my classroom, why would you come here for-" Quill glances at Kalei, whose eyebrows are up as they share a quick look.

"Well, hers was empty," Tanya pointed over her shoulder and down the hall, "Figured this was a good guess."

"Why?"

"Because I was pretty sure you guys are, you know...mates," Tanya says slowly.

There's something in her eyes, in her tiny smile, that Quill doesn't trust. But Kalei is smiling back, so Quill will back down for now. She can reevaluate the Tanya situation at a different time.

"And you'd be right," the maths teacher says to the girl, smiling widely and adjusting her glasses, "But let's look at that homework. What's the problem?"

Tanya moves to the nearest desk to put her bag down and dig through it for the papers, and Kalei follows, apparently genuinely interested in what she has to say. How absurd.

"By all means, just use my classroom for your own needs," Quill tells them with irritation.

"Shut up, Andy, we'll be two minutes," Kalei says, rolling her eyes.

"Andy?" Tanya asks, looking at Quill with delight and amusement. The blonde alien narrows her eyes at her and crosses her arms.

"Yes, Miss Adeola, I have a first name. Those that I can tolerate are even sometimes allowed to address me by the abbreviated version."

Tanya just grins and turns her attention to maths, running Kalei through her problem concisely and posing her questions. Kalei is attentive and readily answers her until Tanya's eyes have lit up and the girl is smiling.

It's the first time that Quill has properly seen her working with a student. She realises that Kalei really is good at her job. A natural.

"Thanks, Miss," Tanya says gratefully as she heads to the door, "See you round, Quill."

"That's weird," Kalei murmurs, once the girl is gone.

"What is?"

"Her talking to you like that. Casually. And calling you Quill."

"Why?" Quill asks. "It's my preferred name. And I see her outside of school because of...well, she hangs around Charles and his pretty boyfriend and those...others. They were all at my house last night, remember?"

"Oh yeah, right," Kalei says with a frown, "I keep forgetting that."

"Clearly." Quill takes a drink of her coffee, which Tanya's appearance had all but made her forget about. Kalei, meanwhile, winces when she manages to half walk into a desk on her way back to Quill. "What are you doing today? After school?"

"We spent the whole weekend together, you don't want a break from me?"

"I don't know what else I'd rather do with my time," Quill says, before frowning, "But if _you_ don't want to-"

"No, I do, I just have marking to do."

"Oh yeah, me too. Damn."

Kalei smiles. "Well, how about we meet back here after classes finish, get the marking done, and then we can go get some dinner, maybe go back to mine."

"And do what?" Quill asks, smirking.

Kalei gives her a little shrug and sits on the edge of her desk. Her eyes are warm and teasing. "I suppose we'll find out."

* * *

Marking is tedious, mainly because the physics is archaic and wrong and these children are idiotic, but it is slightly _less_ tedious with Kalei. The maths teacher has a tendency to hum as she works and occasionally they'll laugh with each other over the silly response to a question or error in an equation.

They're almost done when Quill hears it. A high pitched screech, one that warbles.

"Oh, no, no, no, no," she says. "Not _now_."

"What?" Kalei asks, looking up from the desk she's working at. "Oh. What's that noise?"

That noise is the same one that the lizard creature from Saturday had made many times before their little defence squad had managed to coax it back into the tear. But now it's back. And it sounds...well, at a guess, angry.

"Kalei, grab your bag and take my hand. _Now_ ," Quill says, her voice like steel, "Don't argue. Just get ready to run."

Kalei stares at her for several moments and Quill is about to yell at her to hurry up when she scrambles into action and does exactly as she is told.

Her hand slips into Quill's and Quill takes a deep breath and opens the door to the hallway. She's gotten the better of this creature before, but she had more help and it was from people who knew about aliens.

Plus there's that one tiny problem.

Charlie isn't here so she can't fight. There's a monster around the corner and they're defenceless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!


	9. Reality, Thou Art A Heartless Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill and Kalei face mortal peril, with some devastating consequences - but not the kind one might expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I blame Quill for all of this. (And Charlie, a bit. But mainly Quill, cos she's an asshole who doesn't know how to deal with her own feelings.) 
> 
> Angst warning.

In her head, Quill goes over everything she can remember about the lizard creature. About big enough to take up the entire hallway but not big enough that its movement will be restricted. Gigantic teeth that she has no doubt can easily tear a humanoid limb from limb. Unpleasant temperament. Covered in huge thick spikes. Not pretty ones like Rhodians - ones with a single function.

"Andy, what's going on?" Kalei asks slowly.

"We're in terrible danger." One day, just one day, she likes to think she will be thousands of miles away from this school and won't have to say that again.

"From whatever's making that noise?"

"Yes. We can't fight it, we need to run. It was here on Saturday. I thought we got rid of it, but it seems to be back." They'll have to get out, and she'll get Kalei home before rounding up the rest of the group so that they can determine how to get rid of this thing for good, since unfortunately leaving it to its devices isn't an option.

"Who's we, and what's _it_ , exactly?" Kalei asks.

"Shh," Quill tells her, "Escape now, talk later. Maybe." She pulls her through the corridor cautiously, in the opposite direction to where the sounds of the creature's movement are coming from.

It goes well at first.

But, to Quill's complete lack of surprise, an economics teacher ruins everything. He comes around the corner and beams at them. Well, at Kalei.

"Ah, Kalei, I was hoping to catch you, actually," he says in a brash voice that is loud in that indescribably _male_ way, "I wanted to-"

Quill slams him into the wall and claps her hands over his mouth. "If you want to live, shut it," she snarls.

But it's too late. The screeching has gotten louder and when they turn around, the reptilian alien is at the end of the corridor and growling in a way not dissimilar to a dog. Which is more unsettling than Quill would care to admit.

"Oh my god," Kalei whispers.

"What is that thing?" The economics teacher yelps.

"Pissed off, and now headed straight for us, thanks to you," Quill says, not bothering to disguise how angry she is about that. "Still, I know how you can make it up to us."

She shoves him, hard, towards the creature and with enough force to make him fall on his face. A jolt from the arn goes through her for it, but she grits her teeth and manages to clamp down the shout of pain.

"Quill!" Kalei is looking at her with horror but Quill doesn't have time to worry about that. They need to get out of here.

Problem is, when the lizard grabs the economics teacher, he rears and the largest spike that adorns his head goes into the ceiling and sends a huge crack soaring through it. Wires and insulation start slipping through as the crack continues to split and head towards them.

Quill is quick. But when she's trying to pull Kalei - who is frozen in place - she isn't quick enough.

The ceiling splits above them and Quill can't get Kalei out of the way in time. The beam comes crashing down on them and it's all Quill can do to try and shield Kalei from the worst of the blow. Having the breath knocked out of her is not fun but it's better than the alternative.

There isn't time to get her breath back. The lizard creature is still close but momentarily distracted - well, he's eating the economics teacher, which isn't ideal, but she never really liked him anyway.

Quill manages to get out from underneath the beam, just barely. There's a supply closet nearby and she grabs the first thing that looks like she might be able to use it as a weapon substitute.

It's a broom. Of course. There's no way this can go wrong.

"Kalei, get up," Quill says, but Kalei just groans from where she's still under the beam. "What?"

"I think I'm stuck."

"We don't have time for you to be stuck, we're going to be lizard food, sort it out," Quill snaps. She looks back to the lizard as he finishes off Richards - faintly aware of Kalei making a noise of disgusted horror from behind her - and lifts the broom as it starts coming towards her.

"Andy-"

"We need to run, get out from under there!"

"I can't!"

"Well, you've got to, I don't have the time to help you!" Quill manages to use the broom to fend off a few attacks, but apparently gets too aggressive because the arn sends searing pain through her head for a moment. " _Ah!"_

Her knees give out on her, and as she goes down she throws the broom at the creature to try and phase it but only earns herself another spike of pain. The creature doesn't even blink as the broom bounces off its head.

In that moment, as she kneels there, unable to fight back and the creature reaching out its claws more quickly than she can move out of the way, Quill is certain she is about to die.

She is going to die because of this punishment, this slavery, and while she's angry about that all she can think is that she, the last Quill, will die without having avenged the others. She's failed them and that devastation consumes her in the final moment before the claws hit home -

Next thing she knows she is being jerked back, just out of the way of the claws about to impale her, and then to her feet. She's being yanked away and around the fallen debris by Kalei.

"Come on," the maths teacher says, wincing as she flexes her arm.

Quill manages to - just barely - get her bearings. She hastily wipes the tears from her eyes. "I thought I was - I thought I had - ooh, the chemistry lab, that's what we need. In there, and then barricade the door while I get started."

They run into the room and Kalei makes short work of the door barricade while Quill ransacks the shelves of chemicals for the ones that she needs. Her heart is pounding and her mind on automatic.

"You're shaking. Are you okay?" Kalei asks, putting a hand on her shoulder and surprising her so much that Quill flinches away on instinct.

"No," Quill says through gritted teeth, "I was half a second away from being lizard dinner."

"I know, but I thought you were injured, you were in pain-"

"I'm not injured."

"...I can see that, which is why I'm confused."

"It's not something you need to concern yourself with," Quill mutters, the fury and panic and bitterness swirling inside her into a potent cocktail of hostility. "Will we be able to get out of these windows?"

Kalei moves to check. "Yes, I think so. What are you going to do?"

"Get it in here, and then blow it up."

"Blow what up?"

"The lizard. Well, and the classroom. I doubt the governors will be happy about that but it's preferable to a homicidal alien lizard infestation. This is the only way I can kill it."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Are you in any way competent in chemistry?"

"...well, no."

"Then no."

They fall into a tense silence as Quill works, and wince every time the lizard rams against the barricaded door. Kalei keeps taking her glasses off and studying them, making Quill wonder if they're broken. She's not been paying enough attention and can't afford to watch her more closely because peripheral vision is all she can spare at the moment.

Working like this, with the sound of an enraged enemy literally at their door, throws Quill back into the war on Rhodia. Trying to concoct a bomb with only minutes to do so, her lieutenant pacing beside her and not knowing how to help - the only difference is that she has to admit that this human form is a little easier to maneuver vials of chemicals with.

"Quill," Kalei says nervously when a particular hard thump on a door is followed by a crack.

"I'm almost done. You should get a head start climbing out of the window. This is going to have an almost instantaneous effect and we're not going to have much time to get clear of the blast."

Kalei hesitates, opening her mouth and shutting it again, before moving to do as she is told. Quill is instantly glad she made the recommendation because Kalei is so _slow_ ; a Quill infant could have gotten through the opening more gracefully.

The concoction is done ten seconds after Kalei gets through, and Quill waits about a minute. She needs the lizard to be in the room when it explodes or this is all for nothing. When their barricade mostly falls away and she can see enough cracks in the door that she's sure one more good ram will take it out, she drops the catalyst into the beaker. In the next second she is bracing herself and smashing through the glass of one of the other windows, because climbing through the open one would take too long.

Kalei is there helping her to her feet and then they're running as fast as they can. The warbling screech of the lizard as it bursts into the classroom fills their ears, and for a few seconds Quill is worried that she's made an error and that there will be no explosion.

Which means that she is slightly less prepared when she and Kalei are thrown to the ground with the force of it. The boom rings out and it hurts but not nearly as much as what the arn does to her on a daily basis.

"What the hell did you put in there?" Kalei asks, groaning. She checks her glasses which are smudged but not cracked, and rights them.

Quill pushes herself up with her hands so that she's sitting as opposed to sprawled on the ground. "What I had to. Nasty little cocktail, and if that smoking hole in the science block devoid of a murderous alien lizard is anything to go by, one that did the job."

"I'd say so, yeah," Kalei says, frowning and staring at said hole.

With her head ringing and her heart pounding in her chest, Quill is wrenched back to the moment when she had been so sure she was going to die. To the sense of failure she had felt. To the anger.

"You saved my life," she says, blinking at Kalei.

Kalei shifts so that she's sitting as well. "Well, I was hardly going to stand by and let it hurt you." Their shoulders are touching and although it's not remotely the closest they've been, it's too much for Quill right now. But she can't communicate that because her mind is rapidly spiralling into a mindless rage.

She nearly died a failure to her people. Because of Charlie.

"Quill? You in there?" Kalei nudges her shoulder slightly. When Quill flinches away from her and scowls, she looks understandably confused. "Wait, what's wrong?"

"You don't understand," Quill snaps, "It's not that you saved me. It's that I would have _died_. If not for you, I would have been dead, all because of that smug, sanctimonious little monarch who is not even capable of admitting to his own skewed morality!"

She doesn't realise she's started shouting until Kalei winces.

"What are you talking about?" Kalei asks, worry sparking in her eyes.

"It's not enough that he orders me around like a lap dog, that I'm not even a _person_ in his eyes, no," she spits, "This kind of repression is a direct stamping out of my culture and belief system, and one that puts me in danger every moment that I'm not at his side. Which I rather imagine is the point."

"Andy, you're not making any sense-" Kalei tries to cup Quill's face in her hands, her brown eyes wide and concerned, but Quill shoves her away and winces when the arn protests at the excessive force.

"I'm making perfect sense," Quill tells her, scowling, "You're just unable to follow it because you know nothing of substance about me. Nothing about what I have lost, or fought for, or the pitiful life that I lead now because of it. Nothing about why I can't even throw a punch at the wrong person without immediate neurological punishment."

Kalei stares at her, hurt. "And nothing about why you might be capable of giving up one of our colleagues to a murderous lizard without even a second's hesitation? Or visible remorse?" She asks, softly.

Quill gets to her feet. "Yes, exactly," she says, voice hard, "And I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I'd tear him limb from limb myself if it meant surviving."

Kalei swallows, and for the first time Quill sees a slither of fear in her eyes.

"But that is _nothing_ compared to what I'm going to do to Charles if I ever get the chance," Quill seethes, her fingers twitching with the need to wrap her hand around the princeling's throat and squeeze and squeeze until she can feel the life leaving his body -

The arn really doesn't like that. The intensity of the pain drives her to her knees and she cries out.

"Are you alright?!" Kalei asks, looking wary of approaching her but crawling over to her anyway.

"I'm going to kill him," Quill swears, her fury and indignance and heartbreak rising in her until she's suffocating because she can't stop thinking about how much she wants to kill Charlie, how much she needs to. But the arn punishes her for every thought and so she's trapped in a circle of suffering and rage, each stimulating the other until a sob wrenches itself from her throat.

"If I ever get this thing out of my head, I'm going to make him wish he was never born," Quill says, choking on her words, "I'm going to make him feel as helpless as I do, all the time, I'm going to make him regret ever thinking that doing this to another person is anything but one of the most despicable acts possible within the known universe, and the sound of his screams will be my most treasured memories for as long as I live-"

"Andy, you're scaring me. Are you still talking about Charlie?" Kalei asks, eyes wide with horror and confusion and about a dozen other emotions that Quill doesn't have the inclination to bother deciphering.

"Who else?"

"He's your ward, why are you so-"

" _He is my enslaver,"_ Quill snarls, getting back on her feet, "He stands for everything I fought to end and now I am shackled to him more effectively than if there were actually shackles. And if I ever get my free will back, god help him."

"You're not making sense. Seriously, Quill, you're scaring me," Kalei says as she gets up and takes a step back from Quill, who laughs bitterly.

"Yeah well, it was only a matter of time. Anyone with half a brain could have told you to not come within ten feet of me, but you have an obvious lack of self preservation."

Kalei winces. "Look, I'm trying to be understanding about you doing what you did to Richards, even if I don't agree with it, but that's not easy when you're being like this."

"Like what? This is how I am." Quill holds her gaze. "I'm not nice. I'm not pleasant. I'm just this. Helpless and angry and motivated entirely by vengeance! If you've deluded yourself into thinking I'm anything else, that's not my fault."

"But you're talking about _murder_ , or torture-"

"It wouldn't be the first time!" Quill shouts. "I've killed hundreds, maybe thousands, and I'd do it all again. If I ever get the chance, the only reason I won't kill that little brat in a second is that I need him to get my revenge on those that orphaned us. That and the fact that I intend to make him suffer."

"Stop it-"

" _You_ stop it! Don't you dare try to regulate me like he does," she says, stabbing her finger in Kalei's direction, "Don't you _dare_."

It occurs to her, rather belatedly, that if Kalei had just been another bystander, someone who didn't matter, she wouldn't have come that close to the alien's claws. She would have just left her there to die while she found a way to blow the lizard up. It would never have been so close.

She's been so starved for attention, for any kind of affection, that she's gotten so caught up in this woman to the point of it endangering her life. Endangering the legacy of her people, the only purpose she has left.

All at once, Quill can't stand to look at her anymore, not her eyes or hair or dirty floral dress. She feels sick. How could she let this happen?

"You know what? Forget it, this was never going to work," she says to Kalei, scowling, "I never asked for you to bother me. I never asked for your friendship! The idea of me being capable of caring about anyone else is laughable in itself, as if I'm not so consumed with - with rage and grief that it's impossible for me to feel anything else-"

"Are you seriously trying to pull some kind of 'I don't have feelings' shit on me?" Kalei asks incredulously. "I've _seen_ them, Andy, that's not going to work-"

"Feelings for myself, for all the people I fought for and lost, not simpering maths teachers who trip over their own feet in their haste to chase after the shining new thing who walks through the staff room door," Quill sneers, "It's not my fault that your desire to get into my pants blinded you to the rest of me."

"Fuck you," Kalei says, her stricken face twisting into an expression of hurt.

"Been there, done that, time to move on," Quill replies, turning and starting to walk away from the school and down the street.

"Seriously? You're just going to walk away? You're not going to explain the giant lizard, or how you knew about it, or-"

"Yes, I am, and no, I'm not." She continues walking but Kalei follows and grabs her by the wrist. Quill whirls around and snatches it back, glaring. "Touch me again and I'll break your arm."

She doesn't know if she's lying or not. The arn probably wouldn't let her do it and she's not entirely sure that she wants to. But what she does want is Kalei _gone_ and if this helps then so be it.

Kalei stares at her, with those eyes that at any other time would probably have weakened Quill's resolve, hurt and confusion and anger swimming in them.

Quill turns and walks away.

She has no room for remorse or sympathy or understanding tonight. Tonight she almost died and it's the arn's fault. Charlie's fault. She can't let herself care about some maths teacher when she almost died without having avenged her people.

It's a godsend that she doesn't encounter Charlie upon returning home. She goes straight to her room, gets changed, and slips into bed even though the sun has only been down for an hour or so.

Her head still hurts faintly and her chest feels tight and constricted. When the tears come she doesn't stop them because she doesn't know how. She's never known how. She doesn't know if she's crying for her people or for herself or something else altogether.

She just knows that she can't take much more of this.

* * *

When Quill reaches her classroom the next morning, she is bemused to find a person already inside it. Not Kalei, but her shorter friend. The biology teacher.

"You have some nerve," the American says, crossing her eyes.

"I'm sorry, what's happening?" Quill asks, half with disdain and half with genuine confusion. "Who are you, what are you doing in my classroom, and why are you saying that like it's news?" She walks right past her and sits down at her desk with the coffee she had grabbed from the place around the corner.

"My god, you really are as screwed in the head as they say. You're the reason that Kalei turned up on my doorstep last night crying her eyes out and not even able to tell me exactly what happened. So I'm here for answers."

"We were attacked by a giant lizard, and then I told her to leave me alone because I'd rather focus on working out how to kill Charlie Smith, who happens to be my ward slash enslaver," Quill says, looking her dead in the eye.

The biology teacher - Sally? - is severely unimpressed. "Is everything a joke to you? Including the feelings of one of the best people I know?"

"Almost nothing is a joke to me." After a moment's thought, Quill smirks. "Well, except the human race in general. And cat memes."

"You don't even care, do you? About how much you've messed up Kalei," Sally realises, with disgust, "You got to have your fun and then you got bored and threw her aside-"

Quill gets to her feet, savouring how Sally trails off because of the height difference and the withering look she gives her.

"Don't presume to know anything about me or what I do or why I do it," Quill tells her, voice low and dangerous, "I'm not responsible for Miss Jacob's feelings. I never asked her to invest any of them in me, in fact I warned her against it. It's not my fault that she didn't listen."

Sally holds her gaze, with a resolve that impresses Quill for all of a second. She opens her mouth to speak only to fall short and shut it again.

"Remove yourself from my classroom," Quill tells her, "Before I remove you myself. And trust me, it wouldn't be pretty."

The trepidation behind Sally's eyes grows, and when she makes her exit, Quill allows herself the fleeting moment of satisfaction that comes with somebody being scared of her. But when it fades, she feels more hollow than she has in weeks.

She avoids the maths department like the plague.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. Sorry. Come and yell at me in the comments.


	10. Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill's week without Kalei is rather miserable, but nothing compared to the emotional hell that is the petal invasion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Instagram incident referenced is from FernDavant's fic The Man From UNIT, used with permission. Check it out here, it's hilarious: 
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/8918638

"What did you do to her?"

Quill looks up from her iPad to see Tanya Adeola coming into her classroom and shutting the door behind her. It's Wednesday and she's glimpsed Kalei twice and felt something horrifically close to guilt stab at her gut both times. Well, guilt and something that she suspects might be...longing.

Both are disgusting. Emotions are the most inconvenient things.

(Thankfully, she's been given a distraction in the form of a minor crisis involving Matteusz's over-informative instagram account catching UNIT's attention. She'd suggested leaving the country, but Matteusz has insisted that he knows how to handle the UNIT man coming to inspect them tomorrow. She's immensely doubtful of his ability to dissuade a military official, and has started packing her bags for France just in case. But for now, she is still stuck at Coal Hill. With students asking irritating questions.)

Quill stares back the Adeola girl, still half amazed at her having the nerve to burst in here and challenge her like this.

"What in the world are you talking about?"

"Miss Jacobs," Tanya says, approaching the desk, "She's all weird and quiet and sad, and you're all weird and angry and sad, and since I _know_ you guys have some kind of thing-"

"Oh? And how could you possibly know that?" Quill sneers.

"Because I'm not an idiot," Tanya retorts. "I know you're sleeping with somebody, and I knew Miss Jacobs had a thing for you and that you didn't seem to hate her, which for you is basically getting up on a pedestal and proclaiming your undying love for a person. And I saw you guys on Monday. You have _no concept_ of personal space? Like, it was obvious you just wanted to be devouring each other's faces. I spend time around Charlie and Matteusz, I know that look as well as you do. You were actually, like, way worse."

Quill arches an eyebrow. "Well, look at you, a detective in the making. Say you're right. Say I _have_ been fucking your maths teacher. Why are we having this conversation?"

"Because something's obviously happened, and it had to have been on Monday, which is when the chemistry lab got wrecked and also the last time that anyone saw Mr Richards. So, what was it?"

"Giant alien lizard from Saturday came back. I fed it the economics teacher and then I blew it up," Quill says, shrugging.

Tanya blinks, but then also shrugs. "Okay. What about Miss Jacobs?"

"She was there too. We both almost became lizard food because the arn makes me completely unable to fight or defend myself if Charles is not under threat."

"Wait, seriously?" Tanya asks, horrified. It doesn't surprise Quill that she doesn't know the finer details.

"Yep, that's why I had to bring the dragon to you lot. I can only fight if he's in danger, and only with my bare hands, because if I use a weapon then I'm dead. As dead as I am if I fail to protect him - which isn't the easiest task when I _can't use a weapon_ \- or if I try to get this thing out of my head."

"Oh my god," Tanya says with horror and disgust, "Him and April really glossed over that when they explained all this to me. Charlie just said that you were forced to protect him by a thing in your head, as punishment."

"Yeah, well, he's so self-righteous that he can't see this for what it is, even when he's giving me orders in the same breath," Quill mutters.

"What it is being _slavery_."

Quill sits up a little straighter, unsure of why it affects her so much to hear someone other than herself use that word for her situation. Is it...validation? "Yes, it is," she says, her throat tight, "But try telling him that."

"I just might, actually," Tanya says. "But we've gotten kind of off topic. Miss Jacobs. What happened?"

"Well, I was understandably upset about nearly dying because of the obscene terms of my enslavement, and she didn't take kindly to my vocally expressing the desire to brutally murder a teenage boy who in her eyes I'm supposed to be responsible for."

It's amazing how she can talk about it like she wasn't in tears at the time, like her entire body hadn't been shaking with the force of the emotions waging war inside her.

"So what, she got freaked by you being...you...and called it quits?"

Quill makes a face. "Not as such. I think it was more my lashing out at her and generally shitting on everything that's ever happened between us that she took an issue with."

Tanya lifts an eyebrow and crosses her arms. "Come again?"

Quill drops her eyes and her hands start shredding a loose bit of paper on her desk, her shoulders lifting and dropping in a shrug. "I may have...shouted at her to leave me alone since I'm obviously incapable of caring about anyone. And that she was deluded to think otherwise."

"And is that...true?"

Quill says nothing and keeps shredding the paper, now intently focused on the satisfying sound of it tearing.

"Wow, you really are something else," Tanya says, snorting, "Someone _actually_ shows an interest in being your friend, or your girlfriend, or whatever was going on between you two - and you go and ruin it, what, because you were pissed about almost dying? _How_ was that her fault?"

"Rage isn't logical, little one," Quill snaps, glaring, "You don't have to tell _me_ that it wasn't her fault, I'm not an idiot."

_She might have been the reason I didn't run sooner but it's Charles and this thing in my head that puts me in danger at every waking moment, and she's the one that pulled me out of the way of that thing's claws. She saved my life. And I repaid her by pushing her away._

All of the fire goes out of her in an instant and she deflates, rubbing her temples. Why is she talking to Tanya Adeola of all people about this? Why is she talking about this at all?

"I don't think I have it in me to care about Miss Jacobs at the moment," she says more quietly, "Not when my people remain unavenged and the wrong distraction could result in my failure. I can't let anything else get in the way."

"Yeah, well, sometimes distractions are the only things that keep us sane when the world is going to shit," Tanya replies, "But I guess that's down to you. I just think everyone needs someone. Even you."

"I don't need anything but the destruction of the Shadowkin," Quill bites.

Tanya looks at her, gaze clear and too knowing. "If you say so, Miss."

Quill's annoyance with her finally resurfaces and she scowls at the student that she would never admit is her favourite - or rather, the one she hates the least. "This conversation is over, and should never have happened. Don't try and interfere in my personal life again."

"Yeah well, I wasn't actually doing it for you," Tanya retorts, "But she can do better, so if you're not going to make an effort to fix this, maybe that's for the best."

"Maybe it is," Quill agrees, "Now get out."

* * *

By the time Friday morning rolls around Quill has seen Kalei three more times. One of those times they came face to face in a corridor and stayed stuck there for a moment before Quill had managed to force herself to go around her and keep walking. The nausea it brought on had lingered for at least an hour.

Actually, Quill's not entirely sure that it's gone. But as it turns out, she has other things to worry about.

(Thankfully, not UNIT, for the moment. On Thursday Matteusz proved himself to be a semi-decent strategist - the UNIT man left their house confused but more or less convinced that the 'alien boyfriend' on Matteusz's instagram is just a character Charlie plays. Moving to France is not necessary for the moment. Quill's not entirely sure if she's disappointed or relieved, but supposes it would have been an inconvenience, even if not having to see Kalei around the school would be nice.)

Enter Dorothea Ames.

Despite answering the mystery of Francis Armitage's first name, the new headmistress with all her friendliness and smirking leaves Quill with only more questions and the unshakeable feeling that Ames is not remotely trustworthy.

Then, as if her week isn't horrific enough, Charlie commands her to attend parent's evening. After what happened on Monday, the sheer injustice of it all rises up in her and she carefully walks away so that she can face away from the class and hide the tears welling up in her eyes. She has poor control over her emotions, but the prince will not see her cry any more often than she can help.

But it all goes out the window at lunchtime.

She normally stays inside her classroom, but recently it makes her think about the lunchtimes spent in there with Kalei and so she heads outside to get some fresh air. That's when she overhears the prince and his consort talking. About the Cabinet of Souls.

Which is _not_ empty.

Every bit of rage from Monday comes back to her in an instant, filling her chest until she's sure it's going to burst. She has to force herself to go back inside to avoid confronting Charlie, and pushes through the sea of students with shouted orders for them to get out of the way. She spends the rest of the school day plotting how to force Charles into using the Cabinet on the Shadowkin.

When the final bell tolls she can't get out fast enough.

"Hey, Quill," someone says as she strides through the hallway, and whoever the voice belongs to actually has the nerve to grab her by the arm.

She practically snarls and the diminutive biology teacher flinches.

"Jesus, who peed in _your_ cereal?" She asks Quill. "I just got told to tell you that Ames wants to see you in her office."

"Whatever," Quill mutters, striding away without another word.

With great reluctance, she makes her way to the office that has been completely redecorated for Dorothea's use.

She is not in any way prepared for finding out that not only does the new headmistress seem to know about her living situation, she seems to know about everything. She knows about aliens. That Quill and Charlie aren't of this world. That Quill has the arn in her head.

Dorothea doesn't seem remotely concerned by any of these facts. No, she's concerned about squirrels. And birdsong. And _flower petals_.

Humans. Mad, the lot of them.

Within a few minutes, however, Quill allows herself to be convinced that the flower petals actually _are_ a threat, no matter how unassuming they might appear. Whether or not she actually cares about them ravaging the earth is up for considerably more debate, but she supposes that - like fleeing to France because of Mattuesz's instagram - it would be rather inconvenient.

That's when the gamechanger is laid on the table.

Dorothea offers to help her get rid of the arn. To help her get her free will back. And even though Quill is sceptical that it's even possible, Dorothea seems to be bizarrely certain she can pull it off, so hell, she's listening.

It's all sounding rather too good to be true - the 'not without risk' part aside - when the real problem becomes clear.

"What are your thoughts on genocide?" Dorothea asks.

As it happens, Quill has quite a lot of thoughts on genocide. Despite how she acts around Charlie, it's actually quite a sensitive subject since her people and his were more or less victims of it. She is as against it as a general concept as the next sane person. But there are exceptions to every rule, and nothing overrides her need to avenge her people, to wipe out the Shadowkin.

Destroying the Rhodian souls in the Cabinet to do so? Not a problem, she owes the Rhodians less than nothing. They took everything from her. She is more than happy to return the favour.

The problem is Dorothea wants to use the Cabinet to destroy the flowers. Quill just can't allow that. She has other plans for the Cabinet, and that is one area where she is not willing to compromise. Still, she goes along with the plan for now, calling Charlie and telling him and the others to come to the school.

"Oh, given that it won't be long before the petals start killing full sized people, may I recommend that you also call Miss Jacobs and advise her to lock her doors and stay inside?"

Quill's head snaps around so fast it almost hurts. Dorothea is smiling at her, a glint in her eye.

"What did you just say?"

"Kalei Jacobs," Dorothea says lightly, "She's the only thing keeping the maths department together at the moment, you know. And although I'm under the impression that the two of you have had a bit of a falling out, that doesn't mean either of us want her eaten by petals."

"How - how do you even _know_ about that? About _any_ of that?" Quill asks sharply.

The headmistress seems to find that quite funny.

"My dear Miss Quill, is it really so surprising that if I'm able to discover you're a slave from another planet, I'm also able to learn about the nature of your relationship with Miss Jacobs?" Dorothea makes a face. "Well, to a point. Tell me, was it purely sexual, or was there more to it than that? There wasn't quite enough evidence to determine-"

Quill cannot believe her. "What it is, is none of your business," she says, aghast, "And I'll ask you to grant me at least a little privacy, thank you. Next thing I know you'll be giving me handcuff recommendations."

Dorothea quirks an eyebrow and smirks at her, as if to say, _well, I could, if you like_.

Quill rolls her eyes - how is it possible for one woman to be so infuriating? - and takes out her phone to call Kalei. As annoying as it is to concede to Dorothea's point, Quill doesn't want the maths teacher eaten by petals.

It occurs to her as the phone continues to ring with no answer that Kalei has very little reason to accept a phone call from her. But finally the call picks up and Quill puts it on speaker.

" _Hello?"_

"I know you have very little reason to listen to me," Quill says briskly, "But I need you to lock yourself in your apartment with Xenophilius and not come out until I say so. Those flower petals you've no doubt seen around are dangerous and multiplying."

" _Petals? What the hell are you talking about? I'm not doing_ anything _until you explain the giant alien lizard and how you_ knew _about said giant alien lizard-_ "

Dorothea snatches Quill's phone. "No time for any of that just now, I'm afraid," she says, "Though the both of you are certainly to be commended for your handling of that particular situation." She smiles but then tilts her head slightly as she regards Quill. "However, Miss Quill, if you could avoid feeding other faculty members to alien threats unless absolutely necessary, it would be much appreciated."

" _Miss Ames?"_ Kalei sounds incredibly confused.

"It _was_ necessary," Quill tells Dorothea, "I was a second away from death even with the extra time it bought me."

Dorothea lifts an eyebrow. "This time, perhaps, but just for future reference, if you could keep it in mind."

"Sure, whatever."

" _Don't mind me, I'm just still here, completely out of the loop, being patronised,"_ Kalei says, with annoyance.

"No patronising intended, Miss Jacobs," Dorothea says gently, "You're simply uninformed, which is unfortunate but a problem to be dealt with at another time. For the moment, it would be much appreciated if you could keep yourself safe as previously recommended."

" _Keep myself safe? From petals? How could I possibly be in danger from-"_

"I'm afraid there really isn't time to explain, Miss Jacobs, you're just going to have to trust us on this," Dorothea says apologetically, "We'd have you safe, if possible."

" _Don't say we. If Quill cares she can tell me herself,_ " Kalei says, her voice tight. Quill almost winces but with Dorothea's gaze on her she just presses her lips together. " _But don't worry, Miss Ames, I'll do as you say. Can't endanger the maths department, can we?"_

"I knew I liked you." Dorothea is smiling, and looks at Quill expectantly for some reason. "Well, Miss Quill?"

"What?" Quill asks, immensely confused. Dorothea does a little nod at the phone, as if to say, _go on_. "No, no, this isn't the time for interpersonal drama. Give me the phone."

She hangs up the moment it's back in her hand and puts it into her pocket. It feels heavier than it should and she knows she shouldn't still be thinking about Kalei now that the conversation is over, but she is.

"...do you think she's actually going to listen to us?" She asks a moment later.

"If she doesn't, I'd wager it would be your fault from whatever transpired between the two of you on Monday, but we've tried and don't have time to worry about it now," Dorothea says. "Now let's get on, I imagine Charlie and the others will be almost here, we should go to meet them."

Quill has to admit that she's right and follows her outside. By the time she reenters the room, Charlie is on her heels and the rage in her is so potent that she throws self-preservation to the wind to whirl around and strike him across the face.

The agony is mind-searing, so much worse than any previous incident because it's _Charlie_ that she hit. She screams, doubled over, but forces herself to choke the pain down.

"Worth it," she pants, before the teens both get angry with her.

The resolve she has been building for weeks melts away. After what happened on Monday, after what she has learned today, she can't keep pretending to be unaffected by all of this. She is hurting and grieving and _aching_ for the resolution that killing the Shadowkin would bring.

But Charlie denies her. Again and again and again.

In his bedroom, when the cabinet is open and ready, he comes close to actually considering her request. She can see it in her eyes. But then the petals are vanquished and he gives in like the weakling that he is.

She shouts and pleads but it all falls on deaf ears. When it comes to her he is stone. Even when there are tears in her eyes and she's talking about watching her people die, he is unaffected, because he doesn't consider her people worthy of his empathy.

He'd deny it, but it's true.

"She'll get over it," Quill hears Dorothea say as she storms out of the room. As if Dorothea hadn't been infuriating enough already, the blatant dismissal of her feelings turns the despair in her chest to rage.

When she comes out onto the street, she knows there is only one thing she can do that will make her feel better.

* * *

Driving her fist through the car window once she reaches the school carpark is so immensely satisfying that she knows immediately that she made the right decision. So she kicks off the wing mirror and starts climbing onto the bonnet of the car so that she can smash in the windscreen as well.

"You do you realise that's not my car?"

Well, shit.

Quill slides off the bonnet a little sheepishly after staying stuck with a leg over it for just a moment too long. Dorothea is approaching her and smirking. Always smirking, always so damn smug. It makes Quill want to punch her in the face. Repeatedly.

But the conversation with Dorothea, as Quill is quickly realising conversations with Dorothea tend to go, is not what she expects.

Dorothea is still going to help her take the arn out. There is a chance, however small, at freedom. Quill unfortunately can't bring herself to believe that it will work, but she'll turn up on Monday and see what happens. Even if it doesn't work, at least she will have gone out trying to win her freedom.

That's a good death. There's no shame in that. She could die well.

"But surely the aim should be _not dying_ well," she murmurs as she walks out of the carpark. The Doctor's words are ones she's thought about a lot since the prom. She's not Charlie, she doesn't take whatever the Doctor says as law, but she does admire the Time Lord a lot for the most part.

Not dying is a lot more appealing when one's life is actually worth living, though. For all his preaching, the Doctor has the kind of freedom that makes drives Quill nearly out of her mind with jealousy.

She's just turned the first corner on the way home when she realises what she is doing and comes to a stop.

She can't go home. She can't go back to the house and be with _them_ , be with Charlie after everything that has happened today. She can't look that conniving little royal in the eye, after he lied to her for weeks about the Cabinet and then refused to even acknowledge her pain, let alone do anything to lift it.

Quill finds a bench to sit on and buries her face in her hands, taking in deep gasping breaths. It's difficult.

Her head and heart are both such messes of conflicting emotion that it's near impossible to make sense of them. As she takes in several deep breaths, they shudder with the weight of everything she's feeling. Tears prick at her eyes again.

She just wants to avenge her people. And then she would be more than happy to accept her death, should it come. God, she would happily accept death compared to this feeling of drowning, of complete _helplessness_ , of never being seen by the only person who should understand what she's going through. Of never being seen by anyone unless they want her to do something for them -

Except Kalei.

Oh god, how she misses Kalei, even though it's only been a few days. Even in such a short span of time, she had come to take her for granted, to take being _seen_ for granted.

"Idiot," she says to herself. Controlling her rage is not something she is capable of doing but it doesn't excuse how she treated Kalei.

Was it fear? Fear of someone actually caring enough to not run away screaming? Fear of what caring about somebody could mean? How dangerous that could be, but also how wonderful, the kind of wonderful that seems so completely too good to be true? Partly, yes. And partly just the anger and the need to be allowed to scream and not be asked stupid questions by a clueless human.

Of course, Kalei is only as clueless as Quill allows her to be. And with every second that passes, the more certain she is that Kalei's apartment is the only place in the world right now that doesn't want to make her feel sick when she thinks about going there.

Her feet take her there while her head is a thousand miles away. She can't stop thinking about the Cabinet, about how she's so _close_ to being able to kill the Shadowkin but she _can't_ because the same person who enslaves her won't agree. It mean that she's crying silently as she walks, but that can't be helped.

In the lift of Kalei's apartment building, an old woman with a walker eyes her worriedly. What is it with humans and their bizarre need to care about people they've never talked to in their lives?

"What are you looking at?" She snarls at her, making the woman recoil and avoid her gaze until Quill leaves the lift.

When she ends up in front of Kalei's door, she gives three sharp knocks.

Kalei opens it and her eyebrows go up when she sees Quill. Her mouth opens to say something but a moment later concern flashes through her eyes and her face softens.

Quill is surprised to find that her heart aches upon seeing her. Not even just her heart, but her whole body, longing for Kalei. How could she ever have been so blinded by rage that she pushed away the only person who can make her feel anything positive?

"I...didn't know where else to go," Quill says, voice thick with emotion, "I - I can't be in that house right now, not with him, and I know you have quite frankly every right to slam this door in my face, but you wouldn't believe the truly awful day I've had and I just _can't do this_ anymore-"

Speaking becomes impossible when her own sobs choke her and she puts a hand over her mouth to try and keep them in.

"Oh, Andy."

That's when something strange happens. Kalei, who should be angry with her, reaches out and pulls her close. Her arms wrap around her body so that she's holding Quill and squeezing her tight.

On instinct Quill goes stiff, because it's bizarre and would have been completely impossible among her people due to their bodies being covered in quills. Not to mention that most Quill physical contact is inherently violent even when done for affectionate reasons - the only non-violent Quill gesture being the touching of noses, reserved only for those closest to you.

This is different. Bigger, somehow just as gentle, and oh so different. Something nags at her brain, telling her she knows what this is -

Oh. A hug. This is what a hug feels like. She's always wondered, since coming to this planet and seeing the strange gesture of affection at work.

It's...wonderful.

Quill sinks into it with a shudder of sheer relief and clutches Kalei as hard as she can, another sob escaping her. _This_ is what she's needed - to be held, to have arms around her and a voice telling her that it's going to be okay, because she's never had that in her whole life and never needed it more than right in this moment.

"I'm sorry," Quill whispers into her shoulder.

One of Kalei's hands strokes the hair at the nape of her neck, over and over, lulling her into stillness. "I had a feeling you might be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So chapter 11 will show Kalei's POV, getting to this same point. (Sort of like ep 6 and 7, I guess?)
> 
> Which means you get the hug from both perspectives which is VERY important. The hug in general is very close to my heart and one of the only things I solidly planned for this fic, the moment ep 5 came out I had to have this moment happen.


	11. Shaken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having to deal with the "holy shit, aliens are real" realisation is not part of Kalei's usual process of dealing with a break up. If whatever happened on Monday was even a break up at all. (It just hurts like one.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now....we get Kalei's side of things! With a slight continuation at the end past where chapter 10 ended. Enjoy!

_There's a hole in my soul_

_I can't fill it, I can't fill it_

_There's a hole in my soul_

_Can you fill it? Can you fill it?_

_You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve_

_And I have always buried them deep beneath the ground_

_Dig them up; let's finish what we've started_

_Dig them up, so nothing's left untouched_

_**Flaws - Bastille** _

* * *

Kalei comes home from Sally's with a heavy heart and stinging eyes. She gets in the door, kicks off her shoes, and curls up with Xenophilius on her bed. She's out of tears and can only lie there and take shuddering breaths.

_I never asked for you to bother me, I never asked for your friendship!_

She'd turned up on her best friend's door crying, realising on the way there how easily she could have died at the hands of that creature, how close Quill had come to death right before her eyes. The worst part is, she couldn't tell that to Sally because it would sound insane.

Even now, with the bruises on her legs from where the beam had fallen on them, she's not entirely convinced it happened. How is she supposed to process a giant lizard in her school, eating one of her coworkers?

Quill had called it an alien. She had been certain; there was no surprise in her. Which raised a whole slew of questions that she had blatantly refused to even address, let alone answer.

It had been about five minutes after arriving at Sally's that she had realised that going there might have not been the best move. Because as much as it helped, having Sally's arm around her and her voice whispering that it was going to be okay, there was the problem that she could tell her very little of what had happened.

She'd never not been able to tell Sally something. It made her feel fifty times worse.

" _I shouldn't be so upset, it's not even like we were dating, but we were - I don't know, something. It was just - it's been so intense, it's like I forgot it's only been about a week and a half, only a few days since we first slept together, it feels like weeks, or months-"_

" _But what actually happened?"_

" _I don't know, she was angry at someone else, properly furious, and the things she was saying - I asked her to stop because they were so awful. And then she got angry at me. She said that she never asked for me to bother her or be her friend, which is such bullshit because she said multiple times that I wasn't bothering her and that she wouldn't put up with it if I was. So, unless she's just completely changed her mind, she was just lashing out."_

" _Kalei, that's not okay. Even if she was lying, she was still obviously trying to upset you."_

" _I think she just wanted me gone. I think she's tired of me."_

" _I hate to say it, but maybe she was just in it for the sex."_

_Kalei feels sick to her stomach at the very thought and she doesn't miss how Sally looks at her still marked neck and winces. But she can't shake the certainty that it's not the case._

" _No, I don't think so. It wasn't like that. The sex was only part of it. She's so alone, Sally-"_

" _Because she's a horrific person."_

_Kalei isn't so sure. All she can think about is the raw pain and rage in Quill's eyes as she had talked about Charlie, about nearly dying. Yes, it had been frightening, but the more Kalei recalls it, the more she is certain of the fact that Quill has truly been wronged in some way. That level of devastation couldn't be faked. And Quill has always been...oddly sincere, with her, for the most part._

_Maybe sincere is the wrong word. But Quill's emotions tend to get the better of her and Kalei is convinced that whatever she saw tonight was truth._

_She doesn't know what to think of that._ _And she can't explain it to Sally any more than she can explain that they nearly died at the hands of an alien lizard._

And so Kalei had made a hasty exit despite Sally's many concerned protests. There's not much to be done now except stare at her bedroom ceiling and try and process everything.

"Aliens are real," she says, just to try it. It sounds ridiculous, like she's quoting the X-Files. "I was attacked by an alien. Quill knew it was an alien. Quill knows about aliens."

_This kind of repression is a direct stamping out of my culture and belief system..._

Wait. What culture could she possibly be talking about, unless -

"Nope," Kalei says, squeezing her eyes shut and taking several deep breaths when her heart starts beating at an alarming rate, "Not going there. She's human, she has to be, anything else would be ridiculous. She's human all over." The possibility of anything else is too much for now.

She ends up taking a sleeping pill because being awake is too much for her overwhelmed mind.

* * *

Kalei isn't prepared for glimpsing Quill at school. Her stomach turns to unpleasant knots and she can't get away fast enough to the safety of her own classroom. When she finds out that Sally tried to confront Quill, she's torn between being touched and mortified.

"She's a real - you know what, I don't even have a word. When I tried to get her to explain herself, she started talking about giant lizards and Charlie Smith. Is that her sense of humour, just deflecting with nonsense whenever anything serious happens?"

"Leave it, Sally," Kalei says, as she bites into her sandwich. "I don't want to talk about it and I don't want you giving her a hard time."

"Are you serious?"

"I appreciate you trying. It was brave of you. But just don't, alright?"

"You turned up at my place _crying_ because of her-"

"There was other shit going on, okay? She might be an asshole and she's definitely in the wrong, but it's more complicated than just _she yelled at me_ , and I've tried to explain but I can't so just leave it."

When Sally tries to argue further, Kalei gets up and leaves the staffroom. Unsurprisingly, eating in her classroom with only her thoughts for company does nothing to make her feel better.

"Miss? Are you okay?"

Kalei looks to the door to see Sophia, the girl she had consoled last week, standing in the doorway and looking concerned.

"I've been better," she says honestly, with a weak smile, "How about you?"

Sophia returns the smile exactly, ducking her head under a curtain of red hair. "Yeah, me too."

"Want to talk about it?"

Sophia pulls up a chair and tells her about how things with her mum are still really hard but she's watched several of the movies Kalei suggested and they've helped. Now she's started Buffy the Vampire Slayer and loves it. She has a crush on Buffy but mainly because Willow is too similar to herself and it would feel weird to like _her_ like that.

She had hesitated right before revealing any of that. Kalei can see that it's still a struggle for her to get the words out. But she does (albeit with some stumbling over her words) and Kalei is proud of her.

"Wait until you get to Faith," Kalei says, smiling, "That's _my_ type."

"And what type is that?"

Kalei feels her face flush furiously. "Um. Let's just say that Quill fit it a little too perfectly." Sophia starts giggling, and Kalei puts her head in her head and laughs for the first time since Monday night. "But, uh, please don't spread that around."

"I won't," Sophia says, blushing a little herself but also grinning, "How are things with her, anyway?" When Kalei immediately sobers, her eyes widen. "Oh. That's why you're sad. And used a past tense just now. Do you...I mean, it might be weird for you to tell me what happened. But you can. If you want."

"Like you say, probably not professional," Kalei says, sighing, "Let's just say that she's got...a lot going on. And I'm not sure that she has room in her life for anyone like me."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too. But Sally - Miss Liu - was trying to help and I wish she wouldn't but...that's how best friends are, I guess. Protective."

"I wouldn't really know," Sophia says, with a watery smile and a shrug, like she hasn't just half ripped Kalei's heart out.

"Oh," Kalei murmurs, a lump in her throat, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"Sometimes it takes a while to find the right group."

"Yeah." Sophia doesn't look too optimistic about it, but the bell rings and they have to go their separate ways.

"Take care of yourself, Sophia," Kalei says, giving her shoulder a squeeze, "Hopefully things will get better for the both of us."

"Things already have a bit, thanks to you," Sophia tells her, "Mum might be the same, but...I'm not. I feel more like, if - if those girls in those movies can be normal, and happy, maybe so can I. One day."

Kalei wants nothing more than to hug this girl to within an inch of her life. Instead, she does the next best thing she can.

"You know Willow?"

"Yeah?"

"She falls in love with a girl in season 4. A girl who reminds me a lot of you, maybe even more than Willow does. That's why it's on the list." Kalei gets to watch Sophia's eyes widen, with a kind of awe and hope and joy that makes her heart swell.

"Really? Willow's like me like _that_ too?"

"You'll love her girlfriend. You could be their daughter, honestly. Right down to the red hair."

Sophia is smiling wide, a funny laugh escaping her. "That's - I - thank you, Miss. You're the best. The best."

As Sophia gives her a little wave and walks away, Kalei finds that she feels better for having been the reason behind that smile. But she can't help thinking about how the girl - who she had suspected was a loner, or someone lacking in close friends - had said _I wouldn't know_ with the sad ease of someone who was resigned to their situation.

She makes a mental note to see what she can do to help Sophia more once this mess with Quill has been resolved one way or another. There's got to be someone in this school she could be friends with. Someone she has something in common with.

* * *

Wednesday morning, Kalei accidentally forgets about the fact that she's supposed to be avoiding Quill and takes her automatic route through the school - which goes past Quill's classroom. Despite everything she can't resist glancing inside, and what she sees makes her stop.

It shouldn't take a hold of her so easily. It's just Quill, sitting at her desk with headphones in her ears, eyes shut.

It strikes Kalei just because she's not sure she's ever seen Quill so still before. She looks...peaceful. The sun is shining on her face through the window, catching her hair in the light, and now Kalei is stuck because even now she can't help but be struck by how achingly beautiful Quill is.

It's all the more painful because it doesn't seem like Quill is nearly as torn up about all this as Kalei.

At least, not until Quill's face contorts with annoyance a moment later and she yanks the headphones out of her ears with a growl. She starts muttering something but Kalei doesn't stick around to hear it because she doesn't want Quill to see her.

She manages to get through her first class despite being far too distracted by her own problems. As the students leave, she goes about cleaning her glasses, a little too furiously. There's a spot that won't come off, and she is so intent on getting it off and getting unreasonably frustrated with it that she doesn't notice April and Tanya approaching her until they speak to her.

"Miss, I had a question about part two of the homework," Tanya says hesitantly.

"Me too," April adds, "Well, the...same question."

"Oh, sure, what was it?" Kalei asks, glad for the distraction. She puts her glasses back on and listens to the girls' enquiry and sets them straight, advising them on which functions on the calculator to use and what concepts they'll need to keep in mind.

"So what about-"

"No, that's all good, it's really easy, April, I just needed to know that one bit," Tanya says, "I can help you if you don't get it, but we don't need to waste Miss Jacob's time."

"It's not wasting my time, it's my job," Kalei says, with a weak chuckle. "Please don't ever feel like you're bothering me."

"Sorry, I guess too much time around Miss Quill makes us paranoid," April laughs. "You know what she's like, _everyone_ bothers her."

Kalei flinches. "Yes, I suppose they do," she says, doing everything she can to hold back the tears that reflexively spring to her eyes. Quill's voice plays over and over in her head, just as harsh, just as much a slap in the face. _I never asked you to bother me!_

"Oh shit, are you alright Miss?" Tanya asks, frowning.

"Not exactly, but I'll be fine, you two run along."

"God, Quill isn't being awful to you as well, is she?" April makes a face of disgust when Kalei blinks at her. "And after you were so nice to her, too. Look, just ignore her, she's not worth it."

"Don't worry about me, April, I've dealt with much worse than any insult Quill can come up with," Kalei assures her. It's technically true.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, she seemed to be having a pretty shitty day yesterday. Not sure about today though."

"It doesn't, but I appreciate your trying to make me feel better. Now, I think you two should get going."

Tanya is looking at her curiously, a small frown creasing her forehead, the same one she wears in class when she's right on the cusp of working out the solution for an equation. "Yeah," she says slowly, "Good plan. April, I'll see you later. I gotta go...do something."

"Do _what_?" April asks, bemused.

"Don't worry about it, seriously," Tanya says as she heads for the door, "Just leave Miss Jacobs alone, yeah?"

Once she's gone, April looks back to Kalei. "I'm sorry if I was pushing. It's just, you've always been so kind to me, especially right after Miss Oswald died. You gave me hope that day of the funeral, when you drove me home. I needed that."

"I'm glad I was able to help," Kalei says, giving her a small smile, "And if there was anything you could do for me, April, I'd let you know. Unfortunately, some things we have to deal with on our own. But I'm tough. I'll be okay."

April nods, and it is a relief to see that the girl seems to agree with this. "You can get through anything, Miss. I'm completely sure of that."

"Thank you. I hope so."

"Have a good day, Miss. I hope you feel better soon."

"Thank you. I hope so too."

* * *

On Thursday, she accidentally comes face to face with Quill in the corridor. They end up standing a few feet apart, frozen and staring.

She's not sure what she expected, but the look in Quill's eyes isn't it. It's guarded, yes, but not in any way that's hostile. If anything it looks like regret. And maybe, though Kalei is sure it's her own hopeful imagination, a kind of yearning.

A moment later Quill has gone around her and Kalei is left with only the fading clicks of Quill's shoes on the floor. The urge to start crying again hits her but she does her best to hold it in, the way she learned to do whenever her grandmother would say awful things to her about liking girls. If she can thank her grandmother for anything it's her thick skin.

Problem is, thick skin doesn't stop her insides from screaming. The ache in her chest is physical and she hates it because it shouldn't hurt this much. She's only known Quill about a month and a half, and not even really _known_ her until about two weeks ago.

Her feelings are irrational and she can't stand it. But now that she thinks about it, she's been so busy freaking out about aliens and being confused and hurt by what Quill had said that it's like she's only just being hit by the real implications of it all.

She _misses_ her. It might have only been a week and a half but it had been an incredibly intense period of time. There had only been two days within it they hadn't spent a significant period of time together.

Going just three days without spending time with Quill feels like weeks. It seems an age since they were curled up on Kalei's couch watching zombie movies.

"Kalei." An arm slips around her shoulders, familiar and comforting, and Kalei snaps out of her thoughts to see Sally looking at her with concern.

"She's shaken you up pretty good, huh?" Sally asks, with no trace of her previous anger, just sympathy.

Kalei nods, an odd laugh escaping her as she wipes at her eyes.

"I really liked her," Kalei says, still laughing but in that hopeless sort of way that has fresh tears springing up. "It wasn't just the sex - she's funny and weird and clever and likes cats and she doesn't like to talk about it but she's been through hell and doesn't have anyone who _cares_. And we - we were watching zombie movies and she couldn't stop criticising the protagonists for being idiots and shouting at them what they should have been doing. It was annoying but also kind of great and I just - I don't know. I don't know."

"Crap, you really have got it bad," Sally says, and pulls her into a proper hug. "Come on. Back to mine, Disney marathon with Bolin and lots of ice cream."

"That's not fair, you know I can't resist a good cliche," Kalei mutters as she hugs her back.

" _Bridget Jones_ afterwards?"

"Bugger off," Kalei laughs.

When she much later gets home from Sally's, Kalei drinks a little more wine than she should and starts researching aliens on the internet. What she finds is a nice reassurance that she isn't crazy, but coming to terms with the fact that aliens are real isn't a usual part of her process for dealing with romantic tragedy.

She just wants to talk to Quill about this. About all of it - her, the aliens, whatever it is between the two of them. Even if it's just for some peace of mind, just some kind of explanation, and that's it and they never speak again.

Kalei spends a good ten minutes holding her phone and staring at her contacts list, and two of those minutes with her finger hovering over the button. She can't do it. She can't go where she knows she isn't wanted after the horrible things Quill said to her.

If Quill wants to make this right, _she_ needs to make the first move.

* * *

Friday, the staff meeting sees the arrival of the new head teacher, a Miss Dorothea Ames. Kalei's not sure she's ever in her life met someone who has given off such strong Slytherin vibes, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. On the contrary, it's probably useful for a school as screwed up as Coal Hill.

Dorothea makes a point of speaking personally with every member of staff, but there isn't time for her to reach them all so Kalei is amongst those who get a visit to their classroom later.

"Miss Jacobs," Dorothea says brightly upon stepping through the door, clasping her hand, "The Governors tell me excellent things about how the maths department continues to improve under your guidance."

"I do my best," Kalei says, tucking her hair behind her ear, "Welcome to Coal Hill."

Dorothea smiles. "Thank you. I think we can accomplish great things here, don't you? Perhaps the two of us could be friends. We're both women of action, I think. So to speak."

Kalei smiles at her. "Yes, I think we are. And I'd like that."

"Excellent," Dorothea says, her gaze distracted by something behind Kalei, but when the maths teacher glances over her shoulder all she can see is some petals floating by on a breeze outside. "Now, I'm sorry, I must get on. Things to do, first day and all that."

"Of course," Kalei says, "Let me know if I can help with anything."

"I will."

The rest of the day is uneventful until her phone rings just as Kalei is arriving home. When she sees _Sometimes Andy_ as the caller ID, her stomach lurches.

Yes, she's been desperate to talk to Quill and try and straighten this all out, to try and get _some_ kind of closure on this. But now that it's a swipe of her finger away, she can't.

The same words play over and over. _I never asked for you to bother me, I never asked for your friendship! The idea of me being capable of caring about someone else is laughable…_

The phone keeps ringing and Kalei keeps staring at it until she pictures Quill's face if she _is_ calling to try and make amends and Kalei snubs her. Quill isn't the apology type, that much is obvious. The fact that she is reaching out in any way is actually shocking enough in itself.

"Hello?" She says tentatively as she picks up.

Quill launches into something about staying inside and locking her doors because there's danger and _flowers petals_ , and Kalei is hit with a wave of nausea. She feels so stupid for not expecting that this call would be anything less than something like this. Quill, being blunt and completely inconsiderate of her feelings and going on about something that doesn't remotely make sense.

"Petals? What the hell are you talking about? I'm not doing _anything_ until you explain the giant alien lizard and how you _knew_ about said giant alien lizard-"

" _No time for any of that just now, I'm afraid,"_ a voice that is familiar but not Quill's interrupts, _"Though the both of you are certainly to be commended for your handling that particular situation. However, Miss Quill, if you could avoid feeding other faculty members to alien threats unless absolutely necessary, it would be much appreciated."_

"Miss Ames?" Kalei asks, incredulously. How is the _new Headmistress_ involved with all this?

" _It_ was _necessary,"_ Quill says defensively, " _I was a second away from death even with the extra time it bought me."_

" _This time, perhaps, but just for future reference, if you could keep it in mind_."

" _Sure, whatever_."

Kalei can't believe them, either of them. They keep talking about lizards and alien threats and killing faculty members like it's normal, and seem to have completely forgotten that she's even there.

"Don't mind me, I'm just still here, completely out of the loop, being patronised," she tells them, her voice shaking with anger but soaked in sarcasm.

" _No patronising intended, Miss Jacobs, you're simply uninformed, which is unfortunate but a problem to be dealt with at another time. For the moment, it would be much appreciated if you could keep yourself safe as previously recommended_."

"Keep myself safe? From petals?" Kalei asks skeptically. "How could I possibly be in danger from-"

" _I'm afraid there really isn't time to explain, Miss Jacobs, you're just going to have to trust us on this. We'd have you safe, if possible_."

"Don't say we. If Quill cares she can tell me herself," Kalei says, swallowing. "But don't worry, Miss Ames, I'll do as you say. Can't endanger the maths department, can we?"

" _I knew I liked you,"_ Dorothea says, voice warm. " _Well, Miss Quill?"_

" _What?"_ There's a pause. _"No, no, this isn't the time for interpersonal drama. Give me the phone."_

One of them hangs up and Kalei is left staring at the phone with so much disbelief that it takes her several moments to regain full use of her brain.

"You couldn't have just gone on a dating site like a normal person," she says to herself, rolling her eyes, "No, you had to go for the psychotic physics teacher with emotional baggage who is somehow involved with aliens. Nice one, Kalei."

She follows their advice, shutting the doors and windows. Through the latter, she sees the huge number of petals on the street. More than this morning, and not in blooming season. Weird. She might have to ask Dorothea for an explanation on Monday.

Kalei sits on the couch with Xenophilius and watches a movie to try and forget about everything awful that's happened. It doesn't really work.

With the cat on her chest purring and not nearly enough sleep from the night before, Kalei doesn't even realise that she's fallen asleep until a knock on her door jolts her awake. She groans and gets up, dislodging Xenophilius, who immediately meows in protest. She's groggy enough that she doesn't stop to think about who might be knocking on her door on a Friday night with no prior warning, but in hindsight it was never going to be anyone else.

Quill is standing there, her eyes big and beautiful and filled with tears. Her entire body is shaking.

"I didn't know where else to go," Quill says before Kalei can say anything, her voice faltering, "I can't be in that house right now, with him, and I know you have quite frankly every right to slam the door in my face, but you wouldn't believe the truly awful day I've had and I just _can't do this_ anymore-"

Kalei can only stare when a sob wrenches Quill's body, then another and another until the other woman gives up trying to talk altogether.

What had happened in these few hours to take Andrea 'not the time for interpersonal drama' Quill to...this? And to bring her here in the midst of all of that?

She knows she should ask what happened, but that just doesn't seem as important right in this second as helping with its effect. So she breathes, "Oh, Andy," and pulls Quill into a tight hug.

The other woman goes stiff, and Kalei is about a second away from deciding that it was a mistake and she should let go when Quill's whole body crumbles into hers. Quill's hands lift to clutch at Kalei's waist and back like a lifeline. Another sob escapes her and Kalei holds her tighter.

"I'm sorry," comes the whisper against the skin of Kalei's neck.

It's not everything Kalei needs. But it's enough for now. Enough for her to be what Quill needs.

"I had a feeling you might be," she says honestly, letting her hand stroke over Quill's hair in what she hopes is soothing repetition. The hug lasts a very long time. Quill doesn't let go and Kalei has no reason to either. It's comforting but also strange as it goes on.

"How long do these things normally last?" Quill asks after a while, rather hesitantly. Kalei has to laugh a little. "What? I've never been hugged before, I don't know the etiquette."

"Wait, what?" Kalei pulls away just enough so that she can look at Quill but keep her hand resting on her waist and the back of her neck, because she knows that the last thing either of them want right now is loss of contact. "What do you mean, you've never been hugged before?"

"How could there possibly be an alternative interpretation of that sentence other than the obvious one?" Quill asks, frowning at her with confusion.

"But you _must_ have. Your parents, friends, people you've dated-"

"Not where I come from."

Kalei swallows. "And...where's that?"

Quill gives her a look, like she's wondering exactly what Kalei might have suspected. It's not massively reassuring. "Do you really want to know?"

"I want to know everything."

"Everything is...quite a lot, and not nice," Quill warns.

"All the more reason that I should know." Kalei holds her gaze. "Quill, what you said wasn't okay. I know you were hurting too, but I was only trying to help, and anything I said that you didn't like comes from the fact that you haven't told me some big things about you. Things that it seems I need to know if whatever this is between us is to continue. I'm not saying you should have told me before Monday, because we haven't necessarily known each other long enough for that to be true, but I think now, given what happened, I need to know."

Quill doesn't try and argue. She just stares at her, ever so slightly confused. "So you're not...angry?"

"I honestly don't know what I am," Kalei admits, sighing, "You did a pretty spectacular job of messing me and my emotions up."

"I know," Quill says, "And I...shouldn't have said what I did."

Kalei can see how hard it is for her to get the words out, to apologise. She thinks that Quill has probably spent her entire life fighting for the right to never apologise for anything.

Quill swallows, hard. "Being here - being with you...I wasn't prepared for-" She's having trouble with these words too. Practically choking on them. "Caring about someone. For what that could mean. The implications blindsided me, and when added to - to all this other shit that you don't know about yet, I panicked. I was _furious_ and scared and I panicked. And...I'm truly sorry."

_I wasn't prepared for caring about someone. For what it could mean_.

It's reassuring, to hear that at least.

Kalei hesitates before brushing some hair behind Quill's ear, and the blonde shuts her eyes for a moment and lets out a shuddering breath. "I'll happily forgive you, if you just explain. I care about you too, Andy, more than is remotely sensible given how long we've known each other. But after what happened, an apology isn't enough. You owe me the truth. So tell me. I know that you don't have _anyone_ else, so let me help in any way I can, because I _want_ to."

"Like I said before, you help just by being you," Quill says, swallowing.

Kalei smiles at her. "I think I can do that. Now come on. I'll make us both mochaccinos and you can tell me everything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it wasn't actually much Quill, but I hope you guys still enjoyed it. Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!


	12. Don't Need Another Perfect Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalei gets her answers and Quill gets something small she never expected to have again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Crystal for helping me decide on what the Quill gesture of affection should be. It gets mentioned briefly in the previous chapter but this is where it comes to light. 
> 
> I hope you guys like it. Soft Quill is everything.

_Oh, got no reason, got no shame_

_Got no family I can blame_

_Just don't let me disappear_

_I'ma tell you everything_

_So tell me what you want to hear_

_Something that will light those ears_

_Sick of all the insincere_

_So I'm gonna give all my secrets away_

**Secrets - One Republic**

* * *

 

Once they both have a mochaccino and there's a bag of marshmallows in Kalei's hand for good measure, the two teachers move to sit on Kalei's bed. Quill tentatively tucks her legs underneath her body, making herself smaller for the first time that Kalei can remember.

"So," Kalei says, biting her lip.

"Hmm." Quill sighs. "I'm just not really sure where to start." A thoughtful look crosses her face. "Hell, if it worked for Charles, it might work for me."

"What worked?"

"Would you believe me if I said I was from another planet?" Quill asks abruptly.

A week ago, the answer certainly would have been 'no'. It's still the reflex on Kalei's tongue because it's a ridiculous sentence and this sort of thing _doesn't actually happen_ except that it does because it did. They were attacked by a giant lizard. Weird things have been happening for the last decade. They might have been explained by hallucinogens in the water supply and other such things, but now it's like the tint in her glasses is fading and she's realising just how much she's disregarded all this time.

"Maybe," she says after a long pause. "I mean, I seem to believe in aliens now. And I suppose it would explain a fair bit. Like the hugging thing. And how you don't know about things like the zombie apocalypse or mochaccinos or really just pop culture in general, and just loads of tiny things that you've said and I never thought about but now can't stop remembering and I-"

Kalei has to stop and take several breaths. Getting too panicked. She's supposed to be being understanding. She needs to be calm.

"Are you really from another planet?" She asks, voice tiny as she works up the courage to meet Quill's eyes again.

They are blue and utterly serious as they hold hers. "Yes. I am."

Kalei lets out a shaky breath that turns into more of a strange laugh halfway through. "Okay. Um. Okay. I...really don't know what to think about that, if I'm being honest." She takes a large sip of the mochaccino. It doesn't help as much as she'd like and so she opens the packet of marshmallows and puts two in her mouth.

That's better. It's harder to freak out about anything when one is eating marshmallows.

Quill, meanwhile, has cocked an eyebrow at her. "Does confectionary help in the face of realising that you've been having sex with an alien?"

Kalei freezes mid-chew, and then swallows a little too abruptly. "It was until you said _that_. I hadn't...thought about it like that." She stares at Quill. "God, you're really an _alien_?"

"You know, I think I took for granted how readily Miss MacLean and the others accepted that fact," Quill says, frowning at her, "Though to be fair, I was only their teacher, and not somebody they'd had sex with."

"Wait, _what_? April knows you're an alien?! And what others?"

"Adeola, Singh, the Polish one, and of course Charles given that he's also not of this world."

"Charlie Smith is an alien?!" Kalei asks, before closing her mouth and frowning. "Wait, nevermind, that explains _so much_. My god. Wait, so are you two from the same place, the same planet? Is that why you're his guardian?"

"Partly," Quill says. Her body is more tense now and her grip on her mug white-knuckled. "But most of that comes from, well, the rest of it. There's a lot more to it than just _I'm an alien_."

"That war you fought in," Kalei realises, "Of course. And all those things you said about Charlie, I was so confused by what a teenage boy could possibly have done to warrant that kind of anger, but - actually no, I'm still confused about that. You said you were stuck with him?"

"It'll be easier if you just let me tell you from the beginning."

Kalei nods and Quill opens her mouth to talk but Kalei can't help but interrupt. "Wait - I have to ask and maybe it's really stupid or insensitive but I just...you look human. Your body is human. The whole thing. I mean, I know that for a fact."

Quill smirks, just a little. "It does now, yes. Had to be to fit in. But before you ask, no, I didn't always look like this."

"What _did_ you look like?"

"Honestly? You don't want to know."

Kalei considers the way that Quill says it with complete confidence and not a hint of teasing. "Okay. I'll take your word for it." She shuffles back to lean against the headboard of her bed and pats the spot next to her. "Come and tell me everything, then."

Quill hesitates but moves to sit there next to her, just close enough that their shoulders are touching. She takes a deep breath.

"I come from a planet called Rhodia," she says, as they both turn their heads so they can look at each other as she talks, "Some parts of it were more beautiful than you could likely imagine. Some parts of it...were not. Like here, it all depended on where you were, who you were. My people were the Quill."

Kalei grins. "Ah. Makes sense."

"We were...simpler, than humans, or the others that lived on our planet. We were violent, loyal, and brave - and proud of it." Quill pauses, and looks like she has a lump in her throat. "But we were oppressed. The rulers of the planet were called the Rhodia. They took everything, including what belonged to us. We were forced to rely on them completely, to take their handouts, when they didn't even treat us like real people. And so naturally, one day, we decided that we'd had enough."

"The war you mentioned," Kalei says, and Quill nods, just once. Her jaw is tight.

"We started fighting back. Fighting for our freedom. They called it terrorism - well, still do. It's an...ongoing argument between Charles and I, naturally."

Kalei considers her words. "So Charlie is a Rhodia."

Quill gives an ironic smile. "Better than that. Charles was their prince. Not much more than a clueless figurehead that they spoonfed whatever information they wanted, but their prince nonetheless."

"That really does explain _so_ much about him," Kalei murmurs, with wonder, "I always just thought he was, well, I don't know. Clueless."

Quill snorts. "In a lot of ways, he is. It's-"

"Complicated," Kalei finishes, and they share a smirk, "Yeah, I know. So, the war. The fight for your freedom. You told me you lost."

"Yes, we did." Quill's face has fallen and she is back to the quiet, controlled storyteller. "After months of fighting, I'd...well, I'd risen in the ranks. Quite by accident, actually."

"How do you rise in the ranks by accident?" Kalei laughs.

Quill shrugs. "By not dying. Commanders fall, you don't. Do well enough for long enough, before you know it you've got a command whether you wanted it or not."

" _Did_ you?"

"I honestly have no idea," Quill admits, frowning, "It all happened so fast, I never really had time to stop and think about it. I had the necessary skills to do the job. I did it better than those who did it before me and as a bonus didn't die within the first three weeks of taking up the position. Our constantly changing leader was one of the reasons we couldn't quite build enough momentum - until that position fell to me."

"Wait, you were the leader of the _whole_ rebellion?"

"There were posters all over the planet calling for my arrest," Quill recalls with a hint of pride in her tone, "Of course, they called me a terrorist but the Quill knew the truth. That I was a freedom fighter, that I was committed to saving them no matter the cost."

"Wait, what did those posters say?" Kalei asks suddenly. "Because that's why you don't like being called Andrea, isn't it? It's not your real name, it's a _human_ name, you took your surname from your people but of course your first name is just...what, something you picked out of a book? What was your name before?"

Quill takes another breath. "My name is Andra'ath. Andrea was the closest I could get. It's not terrible, it's just...a reminder of how much I've been forced to change. Of how much I've lost."

Kalei is just relieved that it's a name she can actually say. She reaches out to take Quill's free hand where it rests on her leg and laces their fingers together.

"Well, Andra'ath, freedom fighter of the Quill...it's very nice to meet you."

Quill looks at Kalei with those big blue eyes that betray how much Kalei's words have affected her, but she shakes her head a little. "I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not Andra'ath anymore," she says, squeezing Kalei's hand a moment before her voice trembles, "Even before I had to change my form and my name, the essence of Andra'ath died in the Rhodian throne room. I'm just the shell that was left behind."

"I won't believe that for a second," Kalei says firmly.

Quill sighs. "That's because you're still very ignorant to the ways of both societies and what they did to me, as well as possessing that annoying human trait of being overly optimistic."

Kalei puts her coffee on the bedside table and reaches out to turn Quill's face back towards her.

"Look at me," she says, and Quill does. "No one can take away who you are. Not without your consent, which I couldn't believe for a second that you gave. Whatever they did to you, short of cutting out parts of your brain there's no way they could take away that essence of you. You're you, you're Andrea Quill, Andra'ath Quill. Nothing could ever change that."

"You're so sure," Quill mutters, "But you have no idea. This thing in my head-"

Kalei frowns at her. "What thing in your head?"

"That's the part I haven't got to yet. We fought. We even had the overconfidence to think that we were winning. But we didn't. In an attempt to storm the Rhodian capitol, our fight came to an abrupt end. The man I loved was killed, and I was captured along with several of my highest officers."

"I'm sorry," Kalei says, giving her hand another squeeze.

Quill's face is hard. But Kalei suspects that it's the only way she can even talk about it, as stiffly as she can because if she lets any of the emotions out the dam will break and she'll be lost to them.

"I was brought before the Rhodian queen, and her son. I already knew what my punishment would be, but none of the stories I'd heard could have ever prepared me for it."

Quill drains the last of her coffee and sets the mug down, using her now free hand to gently touch the top of her head, her teeth biting down into her bottom lip.

"It's called an arn. The Rhodians liked to talk about it being the most civilised and just punishment possible, but I don't buy that they were that deluded - Charles excepted - because they never gave it to their own. Only Quill received this punishment and every Quill knew why."

There's a dead weight in Kalei's gut. Whatever this arn thing is, it's awful, and she isn't sure she is going to be able to bear to hear about Quill suffering because of it.

"What is it?" She asks, her voice barely audible.

"It's a telepathic creature about this big-" Quill makes a shape with her hands, "With teeth covered in poison. They put it in your brain and use it to link you to a particular Rhodia. And...you become their slave. Being the leader of the 'terrorists', it was only fitting that I be linked to their precious little prince."

" _What?"_ Kalei makes no effort to keep the shock or absolute horror out of her face and voice. Whatever she had been expecting, it wasn't that. She can't even get her head around it, or her tongue around the words. "You're...a slave? And Charlie is - Charlie Smith is a _slavemaster_? Your slavemaster?"

"Well, he doesn't see it as slavery," Quill says bitterly, "A just punishment, they believe, or at least claimed. Their enemies forced to be their protectors, which might sound all very civilised on paper but is the complete opposite in practice."

"How does the creature make you a slave?" Kalei can barely get the words out. It's too weird, too utterly wrong.

"If I use a weapon other than my own hands, it kills me," Quill whispers, "And yet, the same if I fail to protect him or try to take the damned thing out. I also have to do whatever he says, I can't lie to him, and I can't fight if he's not in danger. Not even to defend myself."

_I can't fight...not even to defend myself_.

"The lizard," Kalei realises, feeling ill. "That's why you were so upset, it was his fault that you couldn't fight back. That's why I thought you were injured, it hurt you to try."

"Yep."

Kalei's not sure she knew a single syllable could be uttered so bitterly. She wants to say something but doesn't have words. What can she possibly say to any of this? What do you say, to comfort a slave who will die if she tries to break free? A slave who can't run away from her master?

"Are you….alright?" Quill asks, looking at her with hesitant concern.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Kalei says, before realising exactly what had just happened, "My god, you just told me that you're a slave, and you're asking _me_ if I'm alright?"

"Well, yeah," Quill says after a moment, looking more than a bit uncomfortable, "And I don't know why you're so upset, it's not like you could possibly imagine what it actually _means_ to-"

Kalei stares at her. "You're kidding, right?" Quill frowns. "Andy, if I'd been born two hundred years ago, I'd have been a slave too. My grandmother, the awful one from America, her great grandparents were slaves. Just like everyone who looked like me, like them, like Tanya."

"What, dark skinned?" Quill's confusion is almost funny. "Seriously? Why?"

"You're white, you wouldn't have noticed how even now people who aren't are sometimes treated differently," Kalei says, sighing, "People who look like you have for a long time thought they're better than people who look like me or Tanya. They used to think we were inferior to the point that they used us as slaves. Now, it's not quite the same as you, because some of those slaves were able to escape and get their freedom, and you can't, but I understand a lot more than you might think."

She's not sure she's ever seen Quill so surprised before.

"Yes, I think you do," she says, "Clearly two and a half months on this planet hasn't been nearly enough for me to learn everything I need to know about its history."

"Is there really nothing you can do to get it out?" Kalei asks.

Quill considers mentioning Dorothea's offer but doesn't. "Any attempt would be dangerous. More likely to end in me dead than me free. But that wouldn't stop me trying."

"Really?"

Quill looks her dead in the eye. "I'm the last Quill, Kalei, and I can't fight, which goes against everything I was ever taught, fighting is a Quill's entire life. This thing has cut me off from the most essential part of myself."

Kalei tries to process that, only to get caught on the part in the middle. "Wait, the last? What happened to your people?"

"Oh. Yes, we did get a bit dissuaded from the story. Because the Rhodians and the Quill were so busy fighting each other, we weren't prepared for an outside enemy. A species called the Shadowkin invaded our planet and killed every last soul on it." Quill's hand clenches as she speaks. "Charles and I were the only ones to escape, and that was only because we had help."

"Oh my god." Kalei's hand goes to her mouth. "I'm so sorry, Andy. Wait, would you rather I call you Andra'ath when we're alone, because I can-"

"Andy is fine," Quill says, with a softness in her eyes that Kalei is surprised to see. "It's an adequate nickname for Andra'ath as much as Andrea. I call myself Quill because I am all that is left of them, because the Quill are, now, me. Andy is...what remains of what I was before I took on the burden of being Quill."

"So...you're like a refugee?" Kalei asks.

Quill's mouth quirks. "I suppose I am. Not that any of the bizarrely xenophobic idiots in this country would be likely to believe it. You know, I can't believe I never gave this whole matter of skin colour much thought before, because now that you mention it, it's obvious. Everything Miss Adeola's ever said about white people, I didn't really think about it, because I didn't really care, but now-"

"As much as I'd love to give you a proper rundown of the racial intricacies of Europe and the United States, maybe not tonight," Kalei interrupts, smiling. "I think your life is enough of a heavy topic on its own."

"...can't argue with that."

They sit there in silence for a while, Kalei trying to process everything and Quill either waiting for her to do so or processing it all herself as well. Kalei doesn't know if she should say something sympathetic or try and change the subject completely, but finds that a question presents itself.

"So what happened today? What drove you back here? Why did you need-"

"I needed you because people were treating me like a heartless monster and not someone who is simply consumed by grief and rage," Quill says quietly. "And if you don't mind, I'd rather not think about it right now."

"Okay," Kalei replies, and thinks of something else to say instead. "So, your people - the Quill - you didn't hug? At all? That's what you meant earlier, wasn't it? Why you tensed up."

Quill has meanwhile picked up a marshmallow and is studying it intensely. "We were covered in quills. Not exactly the most practical gesture of affection. It would have been rather deadly, actually."

"Oh," Kalei says, "Right. So what did you do instead?"

"Mostly we just turned to affectionate violence," Quill says, shrugging, "Want to mate with someone? Try to kill them and if they can hold their own against you then they're a worthy mate. Want to show someone you're happy to see them? Tackle them to the ground. You know, that kind of thing."

Kalei finds herself laughing. "What, it was _all_ big acts of violence? Nothing small at all?"

"Well-" Quill purses her lips. "There's one thing we would do. The only gentle thing we could, really, and we were always wary of making ourselves vulnerable, so it was a sign of trust. It was rare for us to have trusting relationships with family, so it would usually either be very close friends or lovers."

Kalei stares at her. "Okay. What is it?" When Quill frowns, she's quick to add, "You only have to tell me if you want to, of course, I'd never-"

"No, it's not that," Quill says, shaking her head and looking almost amused, "I just...don't know how to tell you. It would be easier to...show you."

Kalei swallows. "Okay." She moves so that she's sitting on her heels just beside Quill's outstretched legs, facing her. "Show me."

Quill leans forward, only to immediately retract, a kind of uncertainty in her eyes. "Don't you dare laugh at me if you find it as strange as I found handshakes and hand holding."

"I won't laugh," Kalei promises, "Come on, you know me better than that."

Quill considers this, and nods. She sits up, folding her legs underneath her so that her and Kalei are sitting almost identically, knee to knee. Her hand reaches out to hold the side of Kalei's face while the other removes her glasses and sets them aside. She stares at her a moment, reservations still visible in her eyes. Kalei holds her gaze until Quill lets out a breath and relaxes a little.

She leans in so close that Kalei half expects to be kissed, but instead her nose touches Kalei's, lightly pressing against it and lingering there.

Kalei can't help the giggle that escapes her upon realising that _this_ is what the mighty and violent Quill race do to show affection. But of course, like a whip, Quill jumps back, eyes flashing with anger and no small amount of hurt.

"You said you wouldn't laugh," she says defensively, "But yes, alien traditions are _weird_. Like I say, I don't know why you feel the need to shake someone's hand when you meet them, as if that achieves _anything_ -"

She moves to get off the bed, but Kalei grabs her and gently pulls her back down before she can.

"No, you don't understand," she says, laughing at the confusion on Quill's face and pushing her hair behind her ears, "Andy, that was…so _fucking_ adorable."

Quill's mouth opens, and shuts again without saying a word. Twice. Before she can try again, Kalei leans in and nuzzles her nose against Quill's. A shudder goes through Quill's body and Kalei pulls back immediately.

"Did I not do it right-"

Quill covers her mouth with a finger, her head shaking side to side adamantly. "You-" She chokes on her words, and then on a strange laugh. "What I did was for anyone close enough, a friend or a family member. What you did-"

"The nuzzling?" Kalei says, grinning.

Quill smiles as well, just a little, and almost sheepishly. There's a hint of colour in her cheeks that catches Kalei's attention. Is Quill _blushing_?

"What a ridiculous word," Quill mutters, but there's no malice in it. Her eyes are shining. "Regardless. What you did...has only one meaning."

Kalei can guess. She smiles and leans in to brush her nose against Quill's again.

The next thing she knows Quill is kissing her hungrily, her hands cupping her face to angle it better at the same time that she pushes Kalei onto her back and climbs over her.

"So my doing that is...okay?" Kalei asks when Quill stops for breath.

Quill stills, tilting her head a little. "Yes," she says quietly, earnestly, with just a hint of reservation. "I never thought anyone else would ever - that I would _want_ anyone else to-" She swallows and rakes a hand through her hair. "I can't possibly describe how it feels to experience that again. It's ridiculous, because it's such a tiny thing, but it's _mine_."

Kalei lets her hands fall to the back of Quill's knees where they rest either side of her hips, stroking them gently through the fabric of Quill's trousers.

"It's not the only thing that is," Kalei says, smiling.

Quill's smile is tight but her eyes are open and honest. "You learn I'm an alien, with huge amounts of blood on my hands, and that doesn't deter you at all?"

"I'm not saying it didn't give me pause. But killing in war and out of desperation is different from doing it at any other time. You were fighting for freedom, for your people. And alien or not, you're still the same person. Still weird and smart and addicted to coffee and not nearly as awful as she lets on."

"Oh," Quill says, a visible lump back in her throat. "Was that earlier bit your way of saying of indicating you _also_ want to have sex, or am I reading this wrong?"

Kalei laughs. "You're definitely _not_ reading me wrong."

"Okay, good," Quill says, bending over her to yank her shirt up her body and fling it across the room before removing her own and the bra as well. Kalei can only stare at the newly exposed skin with awe.

"You're the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen that could kill me with her bare hands," she says. "And the strongest in about every way I can think of."

Something flashes through Quill's eyes at that, a kind of surprise replaced by dark longing. It's not there quite long enough for Kalei to pinpoint what it is.

"I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me," Quill replies, and she bends down to capture Kalei's lips again. "And that you might just be the loveliest thing I've yet to encounter on this planet. Well, after chocolate and coffee and videos of kittens sneezing."

"Well, you've only been here two and a half months, so that's not _so_ difficult-"

Quill shushes her and stops her mouth with a kiss. "My compliments are rare, Jacobs, take them and savour them."

"I am, don't worry."

They fumble with each other's clothes until finally the last scrap of underwear is on the floor by the bed and they can be skin to skin at last. Kalei, knowing that Quill has had one hell of a day even if she doesn't know the specifics yet, slips her fingers between Quill's legs before the other woman can get any ideas about attending to Kalei first.

Quill lets out a breathy sigh against Kalei's cheek, and then they start to find a rhythm. It's slow at first, but it's been days since they've touched each other like this and with every second that passes that truth becomes more impossible to ignore.

If Kalei had to describe perfection, having this beautiful, powerful creature leaning over her and riding her fingers with abandon comes pretty close.

Kalei curls her fingers and Quill whimpers against her neck. She needs this. Kalei can tell.

"That's it," Kalei says softly, "Almost there. Doesn't that feel good?"

Quill nods and Kalei brushes her thumb across her clit gently. That's all it takes - Quill lets out a soft cry and rides the pleasure out before collapsing into Kalei's arms. Kalei cleans her fingers against the skin of her own thigh before wrapping an arm around Quill. Her other hand strokes across Quill's hair.

"Did that help? I know it's been a rough day-"

"You know it did," Quill says, lifting her head to meet Kalei's eyes. Kalei smiles and nuzzles her nose. It makes Quill's body shiver, and the way that Quill looks at her a moment later makes her heart stop.

Quill's kiss is urgent but achingly tender, her fingers cupping Kalei's jaw and her other hand losing itself in Kalei's hair.

"I never thought anyone was ever going to see me again," she says softly, her voice breaking a little, "I'm a teacher and a slave and I'm invisible unless I'm needed. Except you. You _see_ me. And I don't think I've ever...thanked you, for that."

"From the moment I first laid eyes on you I've never been able to look away," Kalei replies. "It's not something you need to thank me for."

They lie there, naked and entwined and momentarily at peace, until Xenophilius jumps up onto the bed and adequately distracts them from each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, nose nuzzles are a thing now. I hope you guys approve. Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought of their make up! 
> 
> (I know it wasn't big and dramatic, but that just...didn't happen. This happened instead and I'm not gonna argue with how Quill and Kalei decide to go about things. You think I'm in charge of this story? Wrong. They are. Always.)


	13. Admiration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill learns the story of Kalei's (only) ex-boyfriend. Kalei learns something about Quill, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is backstory, then filth. So, ideal? :P

Kalei decides that whatever it is that she was doing with her life before eating marshmallows while watching a gloriously naked Quill cuddle Xenophilius to her chest, must surely have been a waste of valuable time. This is everything she could possibly need - beautiful woman, cat, food.

"You've got that weird look on your face again," Quill says, frowning.

"What look?"

"I don't know. Weird. Sappy."

"I'm just happy," Kalei says with a smile. "I'm here with you, and Xenophilius, and marshmallows. And this time yesterday I would have said that was impossible. What more could I want?"

"Yes, what actually _are_ these marshmallow things?" Quill picks one up and sniffs it. "It just smells like sugar."

"You haven't tried them yet?"

"Obviously not." Quill eyes the sweet suspiciously before putting it in her mouth and starting to chew. "Oh," she says, voice muffled by marshmallow, "Oh, dear god, that's good."

She moans and it shouldn't have such an effect on Kalei but it does and leaves her hyper aware of having gotten Quill off but not herself. To distract herself, she reaches out to pet Xenophilius where he is comfortably nuzzled against Quill's breasts. He starts purring and to Kalei's surprise Quill lets out a short laugh.

"What?"

"It just feels extra bizarre against my bare chest."

"I love it," Kalei says, "I do it quite a lot, actually."

"Really? I think next time you should send me a picture."

"You live with teenagers, would I have a guarantee you're not going to be careless with your phone? I'm a teacher, I can't have my students seeing any even _remotely_ inappropriate photos of me."

"Hmm. Fair point." Quill's gaze, heavy and dark, drags across Kalei's body, a smirk on her lips. "I suppose it's good that I have an excellent memory."

Kalei grins and rolls over enough so that she can prop herself up on her elbow. "How fortunate for you. Being able to instantly conjure up an image of me naked is something a good number of people would envy you for."

"Is that right?" Quill asks wryly, amused.

"Well, I'm assuming."

Quill snorts and reaches out to brush her fingers down Kalei's arm. "Have I ever mentioned how refreshing it is that you have a decent level of self-esteem? Your species, especially the females, seem to be so prone to being absolutely sure you're not pretty enough or thin enough or not enough of _something_ that's usually entirely unimportant. It's ridiculous."

"My ex-boyfriend actually said that too," Kalei says. "Trust me, it's not just you that gets tired of that sort of thing. That's one of the reasons I like being a teacher. I can try and help these kids, especially the girls, to try and see the good in themselves, to believe in themselves."

"Grossly sentimental, but admirable, I suppose," Quill replies. "What was your ex-boyfriend like? What sort of people were you interested in before horrible physics teachers who turn out to be alien freedom fighters?"

Kalei can't stop the giggle that escapes her - or the pang of guilt in her chest. Why did she bring him up, now of all times?

"Well, I'm not going to lie, I've always been drawn to powerful women," she says, and the corner of Quill's lips quirk.

"Oh, yeah?" Quill asks, leaning in until their lips almost touch.

"Well, yeah." Kalei does her best to keep her head, but it's difficult when Quill is so close and her breath smells like marshmallows. "There's a reason that the first thing I thought when I met you was _I wonder what it would be like for her to slam me against a wall and kiss me until I can't breathe_."

Quill laughs a little, low in her throat, and brushes a light, teasing kiss against Kalei's lips. "And look at that. You got your wish. About exactly a week ago, give or take a few hours."

"Best day of my life," Kalei says. "Or at least, definitely up there."

"Is that right?" Quill looks smug and her hand migrates to Kalei's hip before sweeping upwards to cup one of her breasts, making Kalei take a sharp breath. "Well, perhaps I could try and improve on that."

"You're welcome to try," Kalei tells her. "As hard and as long as you like."

Quill's eyes flash, and she kisses Kalei, forcefully. But the moment Kalei tries to touch her, she pulls away and goes back to patting Xenophilius.

"You know what? I will, gladly," she says, "but not until you tell me about the boyfriend. You avoided the question. It was clever of you, but I mentioned mine and now I want to hear about yours."

"I don't owe you anything," Kalei replies, frowning.

"I never said you did," Quill says without missing a beat, "but is there a particular reason you don't want to tell me?"

Kalei sighs. "No, I suppose not," she admits, rolling onto her back and grabbing a marshmallow to bite into. "It's just, he's the only boyfriend I ever had, and I'm just...not proud of it."

"What, having a boyfriend?" Quill frowns at her with confusion. "Why would that be a problem? Isn't it _same-sex_ relationships your weird society has issues with?"

"Okay, well, clearly you've never dealt with biphobia in your life, but that's a whole different conversation," Kalei says, making a face. "I'm not ashamed of having a boyfriend. I'm not ashamed of him. Sort of the opposite."

Quill has a marshmallow and looks at her with interest. "Oh?"

Kalei swallows. "He wasn't powerful, or scary in a hot way, or anything like that. He was sweet and had dimples, and I liked him _so_ much. I mean, I liked him more than I've ever liked anyone."

"So what was the problem?"

"You remember how my grandmother is a disgustingly bigoted human being?" Kalei asks, doing her best to make it sound humourous since it's the opposite.

"You mean the one who locked you in an upstairs bedroom for dating a girl? The one I've fantasised about dismembering with a chainsaw?" Quill nods. "Yes, I remember."

"Well, because I'd only dated girls, and she hated that, when she found out I was dating Sam, she was over the moon," Kalei explains. "I'd gone from white girl to black boy, which as far as she was concerned was the ultimate upgrade."

Quill snorts. "Your species never ceases to amaze me with its prejudices."

"Yes, well, she kept talking about how I'd come to my senses," Kalei whispers, feeling sick in her stomach just thinking about it. "She wouldn't _stop_ saying it. And I just - I couldn't. I broke up with Sam two months after we started dating, a week after she found out."

"What, just because she approved?"

"Spite is an excellent motivator," Kalei says darkly. "I couldn't have her disregarding that part of me like that. If dating only girls was the only way to be taken seriously, then so be it."

"Who cares what she thinks?"

Kalei says nothing for a long while. "I know I shouldn't, and I don't even know if I do, but I just couldn't do it. And I - I was happier with him than I've ever been with anyone. It was eight years ago, and I still think about him. Still wonder if I threw away my best chance at happiness for the sake of spiting someone who shouldn't even be in my life anymore." She lets out a hollow laugh. "And yet, sometimes I think it was worth it just for the look on her face when I told her things were over with Sam and that I had a new girlfriend. Does that make me horrible?"

"I think that makes you defiant," Quill says. "Defiant in the face of someone who has continuously tried to oppress you. And maybe some people would think that what you did was wrong or stupid, but to be completely honest it's one of the most relatable things I've ever heard you say."

"Really?" Kalei's voice is so small, and Kalei hates herself for it.

"Really," Quill assures her, and then smirks. "Besides, defiance? Downright the sexiest quality I can think of."

Kalei laughs, covering her face with her hand, until Quill grabs her hand and pulls it away. Xenophilius meows in protest as he gets squashed between their bodies and is quick to dash out and off the bed.

"I was going to ask how you are so completely unlike anyone I've ever met," Kalei says, "but now I know exactly why."

"It's true; mentally shackled warriors stranded on an alien planet and forced to teach physics to teenagers can be rather rare," Quill replies.

Kalei chuckles but shakes her head, pushing Quill's hair from her face with both hands. "I still can't quite believe it. That you're a sl-" She stops herself from saying the word when Quill's eyes start to become sad. "What I mean is...you're resilient in ways I could only dream of. And god, you are so, so beautiful."

Quill looks down, her cheeks ever so faintly coloured, biting her lip. "Flattery will get you everywhere, you know." Her voice trembles on the words slightly, in a way that confuses Kalei.

"Good," Kalei says, stroking her cheek with her thumb, "and I just want you to know that I mean everything I say. I'm not exaggerating, and I'm _certainly_ not lying. I don't give compliments that aren't deserved."

"I...never said you did," Quill replies, uncertainly.

"You just...seem to act a little weird when I give you compliments, so I'm trying to work out if something's wrong, and if so, what it is."

An odd laugh chokes Quill. "Nothing's _wrong_. It's not that. I just...don't get a lot of compliments, is all. Almost everyone I know is convinced that I'm an awful person, remember?"

"You're not an awful person," Kalei says, not for the first time feeling an ache in her chest at how dismal the rest of Quill's life seems to be. "You're just a complicated person. A complicated person who is utterly beautiful and deserves to be _happy_."

Quill's hand covers one of hers where it's still on her cheek, and Kalei is alarmed to see that her eyes are slightly damp. But before she can say anything, Quill is kissing her and rolling on top of her, letting her hands roam across Kalei's body, stroking and teasing until every inch of skin is tingling.

"Maybe one day I'll believe you, but for now I appreciate that _you_ believe it," Quill murmurs against her mouth. "Now, I believe I owe you an orgasm."

"I wasn't keeping count, but yes."

"Says the maths teacher."

"Shut up and fuck me."

Quill grins and kisses her way back down Kalei's body, sliding off the bed and onto the floor so she can kneel and put Kalei's legs over her shoulders. Her teeth lightly nip at the soft skin of her thighs, before her mouth moves higher and her tongue is finally _right there_.

"Oh, god," Kalei murmurs, and she can feel Quill's smirk as she kisses the bundle of nerves that makes her hips buck just a little.

Quill hums appreciatively when Kalei's hand twists in her hair, and does so again every time that Kalei pulls on it. No matter how much she tries, the steady and slow licks of Quill's tongue will not be hastened. She hates it; it's agony. She loves it; it's exquisite.

"Andy, please."

"Don't rush me," Quill murmurs. "I've missed this. The way you sound, the way you taste. How damned _soft_ you are. I don't know how I survived four days without this. It felt like an age. Let's not do that again. I'm not sure I want to think about going even two days without having you laid out for me like this."

Quill's voice is unfairly attractive at the best of times, but when it's low and husky like this it's sex itself. Kalei swallows hard and tries to make her squirming less obvious.

"Ooh, you like that, don't you? Me talking to you like this," Quill chuckles. While her nails skim across the outsides of Kalei's thighs, her tongue is still busy slowly tormenting Kalei every second she pauses in a sentence. "Do you want to know what I'm going to do when I'm done? I'm going to give you about five seconds to recover before I fuck you again. On your back or your side or somewhere I can have your face an inch from mine, your eyes right in front of me. Make you beg, make you do that incredible little whimper of yours, while I get to relish every single microexpression."

Kalei cracks an eye open to see Quill grinning ferally at her before a long, hard lick makes Kalei's hips buck against her mouth.

"Right now I'm worried that you're busier making currently irrelevant promises than going down on me," Kalei murmurs.

Quill pulls a face but concedes the point. Her new pace is faster, a little harder, but no less utterly consistent. She grips Kalei's thighs when they start to tremble, and Kalei's hands clutch the bed covers and Quill's hair for dear life.

Breathy curses fall from Kalei's mouth. Some are English and some are Zulu and some aren't even words so much as gasping vowel sounds. The pleasure is too much and her chest is too hot and tight and it's _so good_. Far too good.

When she comes it's with a tiny little whine, and Quill's tongue keeps up its pace for a few seconds as Kalei lets the wave of sensation wash over her, before disappearing. Kalei takes in a few gasping breaths and collects herself enough to open her eyes. Quill is sitting back on her heels and looking remarkably pleased with herself.

"How was that?" Quill asks, a tilt to her head and a small smile on her lips even as she wipes them clean on the back of her hand before resting that hand on her knee. Her other hand is tracing little patterns on Kalei's thigh.

Kalei takes in a few more breaths, to steady herself, and narrows her eyes. "Please, as if you have to ask. You're just fishing for praise now."

For a moment Quill looks alarmed, but then it's gone and she just shrugs, in a coy sort of way that is somehow reminiscent of a femme fatale and a cat at the same time. There's something in her eyes that makes Kalei think she is right, but that there's more to it than that.

"A warrior cannot ask to be admired," Quill says as she gets up and moves to lie down next to Kalei again.

Kalei reaches out and brushes her thumb across Quill's lips. "But that doesn't mean she can't want to be. That she shouldn't be-"

She trails off as the pieces fit together in her head. The way Quill reacts to compliments. That surprise, the blushing. It makes perfect sense - she lives with her enslaver, who clearly doesn't remotely trust her as far as he could throw her. She has no friends other than Kalei, she has no one else who sees her as a real person, as a person worthy of basic agency, as a person with _feelings_ and a need for validation just like anyone else. Quill craves compliments because she never gets them. Ever.

"Oh," Kalei breathes.

"Oh what?" Quill asks.

With fresh determination to use this realisation to her advantage, to make Quill feel worthy and _important_ , she kisses Quill (and can still taste herself). She lets her mouth travel down Quill's neck, as appreciation for what she just did for her, and Quill tilts her head to allow Kalei access, a small moan escaping as she does so. Kalei's hands map out her pale, slim torso, and the blonde arches into her touch.

Within seconds, Quill has gone from a smirking dominant to pliant putty in Kalei's hands. It's been a long time since Kalei's met anyone as capable of near instant switching as herself - it's wonderful.

"Can I-" Kalei swallows as she presses a kiss to Quill's collarbone. "I mean, can I-"

"Part of me would like nothing more," Quill murmurs, "but I've already given you far more of a reprieve than I intended. I made a rather detailed promise that I intend to keep."

Her hand slips between Kalei's legs, and the brunette inhales sharply. The compliments might have to wait.

"Sensitive?" Quill asks, conversationally.

"Obviously."

Quill's other hand brushes hair from Kalei's eyes, and she keeps her gaze locked with Kalei's as her long, slender fingers slip inside her. Kalei swallows, and Quill leans in to fleetingly brush her nose against Kalei's.

When Kalei's eyes drift shut in that moment, though, Quill's grip on her hair tightens enough to make them snap back open.

"No, no, no, look at me," Quill tells her firmly. "I told you. I want-" Her thumb presses to where Kalei is still so painfully sensitive, making her gasp. "Everything. So you keep your eyes open and on me."

Kalei nods. Quill's eyes are big and beautiful and right now impossibly dark with desire - looking into them is the opposite of unpleasant. On the contrary, Kalei thinks those eyes could probably half finish her just on their own.

Quill's fingers know exactly what they're doing and Kalei's body is still hypersensitive from her first orgasm, so it isn't long at all before Kalei can feel the second one coming. One hand clutches at Quill's waist while the other grabs at the bed covers in the tiny space between their bodies.

"That's it," Quill murmurs. "Almost there." But then her hand stops and Kalei swallows a noise of protest to instead just stare at her with wide, pleading eyes. "Don't look so surprised. What did I say earlier? I want you to beg."

"Please," Kalei says without a second's hesitation. "Please, Andy. Quill. Please. I need this - need you."

Quill smiles. "Good girl."

There's something about when Quill says that, Quill who so readily criticises everything and who so sparingly gives out compliments. She's just so happy that Quill is happy - or at least, happier - with her. In both senses of the word.

That's when Quill's fingers and thumb start moving again, coaxing her back up to that peak.

Keeping her eyes open and focused on Quill is one of the most difficult things she's ever had to do, so strong is the reflex to shut her eyes and let the pleasure take her. Quill's eyes are hungry and intent and it's glorious, but even that isn't enough to stop Kalei's eyes from fluttering shut when her body shudders with release.

"Beautiful," Quill says quietly as Kalei rides it out, rides Quill's hand just a little. Once Kalei is quiet in the wake of it all, Quill rolls onto her back and sucks her fingers clean. Kalei watches, transfixed even in her hazy afterglow.

"How are you real?" She asks, without really meaning to. "How is any of this real?"

Quill stares at her for several moments, surprised and then thoughtful and then rather melancholy. "You know, I find myself asking that a lot. The idea that somebody actually cares about me is - well."

"Not so completely ridiculous," Kalei says firmly. Quill doesn't look convinced so Kalei pulls her in for a kiss, pressing their bodies together just enough for it to be pleasant and intimate without being overly sexual or urgent.

For good measure, she nuzzles Quill's nose and smiles when Quill kisses her that much harder. They keep kissing and kissing until Kalei has no idea how much time has passed, but she doesn't care, because Quill is in her arms and against her mouth and skin and making those little hums of contentment that she wants more than anything to just keep hearing forever.

"So, you don't want me to...do anything for you?" Kalei asks when they finally stop for breath.

Quill shakes her head and stretches her body, resting her head against the duvet and taking in a deep breath. "Not at the moment. Soon. I just want to...enjoy this."

Kalei can't argue with that. She nudges Quill's nose again, because she can, and even though Quill's eyes are shut, her mouth curls into a very small smile. Satisfied, Kalei also allows herself to close her eyes and lie there, basking in the closeness, touching but not actively.

After a while, Kalei finds a question in her throat she can't dislodge.

"Andy, what are we to each other? I mean, no, I know what we are, I think, but I - if this is going to be a _thing,_ then at some point we're going to have to tell other people about it. What do I say?"

Quill doesn't reply for sixteen seconds. Kalei knows because she counts every single torturous one.

"So basically, you're asking for a label." Her voice is flat. Unimpressed. But not condemning, either.

"Maybe. Yes. I don't know. Please don't hate me. I know you probably think it's stupid and pointless and human, and it is and I can completely keep doing this without one. I just thought I'd ask."

Quill opens her eyes and regards her seriously. "I'll think about it. And get back to you."

Kalei lets out a sigh of relief. "Okay. You don't _have_ to come up with an answer, if you don't want to, I just-"

"I know." Quill stretches her body again, covering a yawn with her hand. "You can go down on me now, if you like. And then we should probably get some sleep." Kalei blinks, then laughs, and she keeps laughing when Quill asks why she's doing it, and as she kisses her way down her body.

"You're absurd," she says, far too fondly, as she kisses Quill's thigh.

"And you're taking too long when foreplay is obviously not a necessity here. Get on with it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed that. ;) 
> 
> This chapter: dom!Quill  
> Next chapter: sub!Quill (in handcuffs, which is gonna be a lot less sexual and a lot more emotional than y'all will probably be expecting)


	14. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill realises there's something she can fight without the arn hurting her. But it means she has to trust Kalei completely, and face some unpleasant reminders of her incarceration on Rhodia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains light bondage that is thoroughly researched. I can understand if that's not everyone's thing, but unless you're actually very well acquainted with such things, I can guarantee that this chapter will not remotely be what you expect. 
> 
> By which I mean that this is both the most emotional chapter so far as well as the cutest, and it's first and foremost a character study, really, with only about 500 words of actual sex. 
> 
> (Just trust me and read it okay, imo this is one of the best things I've ever written, and I'm immensely proud of it. HUGE amount of credit goes to crystalsoulslayer for teaching me everything I needed to know to write this and answering all of my many, many questions. She also suggested several of the things that ended up in this chapter, so just...thank you. A million times over. Also thanks to FernDavant who acted as a second beta on this chapter and the last.)

Quill wakes up with a warm, naked Kalei snuggled against her bare chest. It's the sort of thing that should be annoying, but isn't. Quite the opposite.

Cuddling is odd. But a nice kind of odd.

She takes deep, slow breaths and just lets herself bask in the moment. No prince. No orders. No one needing saving. Just this. Just Kalei. It's hard to know when Kalei's bedroom became a sanctuary to Quill, but the more she thinks about it, the more it's undeniably true.

It isn't long before Kalei's body stretches against her and the maths teacher yawns.

"Morning," she murmurs. "How did you sleep?"

"I slept," Quill says flatly. "That in itself is an achievement, given everything that's going on. Now that I think about it, I didn't get nightmares the other time I slept here either."

"Nightmares?"

"Well, augmented war flashbacks, mostly."

"Oh."

"Nothing like vivid memories of your comrades and lover dying in front of your eyes to help lull you to sleep at night."

Kalei looks up at her, eyes open and melancholy on Quill's behalf, and the physics teacher regrets bringing it up at all. Thankfully, Kalei says nothing and just presses a kiss to the top of Quill's right breast, where her head has ended up.

"So...breakfast?"

Quill is all too happy for an excuse to push away all the confusing and potentially alarming implications of Kalei's presence keeping her nightmares at bay.

"Sure."

Kalei smiles and gets up, moving to her wardrobe to grab a dressing gown, only to hesitate. "So do you need to get back to your place, or-"

"I'm still a long way off being able to stomach the thought of seeing his face again, so if it's not a problem, I'd rather stay here," Quill says.

"I didn't have any plans for the weekend, so you can stay as long as you like. Do you want to borrow something to wear?"

"We could always...skip breakfast for now, and you could come back to bed." Her Quill sex drive hasn't been an issue thus far, but right now it's telling her to prioritise sex over food and the rational part of her knows that it's a bad move. She's not currently listening to that part, however.

"We need to eat sometime," Kalei laughs. "Besides, I want to talk to you about something."

Quill lifts an eyebrow. "Right, and that doesn't sound ominous at all."

"Hopefully not." Kalei bites her lip. "It's just...if I have you here for the whole day, and you were serious when you mentioned me being able to, you know, tie you up...then I was thinking that maybe we could...do that."

"Sounds good to me," Quill says, shrugging. "What does this have to do with us talking?"

Kalei gives her an odd look. "Well, we'd need to talk about how it's going to work."

"What, you can't just grab some rope or some handcuffs and be done with it? What is there to talk about?" Quill rolls her eyes. "You know, you humans always try and overcomplicate very simple things-"

"No," Kalei says, and her voice is so firm and her face so serious that Quill blinks at her. "It's not simple. And the fact that you're saying it is just tells me that you're completely new to it, which is _exactly_ why we need to talk about it. So come on, clothes."

Quill frowns at her but gets out of bed and moves towards her. Kalei regards her for a moment with an unfathomable expression before holding out the dressing gown. Quill reaches for it and feels her mouth fall open a little.

"Good god that's soft," Quill murmurs, having to resist the urge to bury her face in it and nuzzle it like she does Xenophilius and his fur. Kalei smiles and finds a shirt and pair of pajama bottoms to pull on, while Quill puts on the dressing gown and lets out a tiny sigh of contentment at the feeling of the fluff against her skin.

"Breakfast, then," Kalei tells her, and they go into the kitchen. Quill scoops up Xenophilius when he comes to greet them. "Can you feed him? Cat food is just in that cupboard there."

Quill finds the cat food and pours it into the little plastic bowl. Letting the cat eat means putting him back down, but she can hear him purring, and that makes it all worth it.

"So, for someone who clearly has no real idea of what bondage entails, you were pretty quick to suggest it," Kalei says as she gets out a carton of eggs and a frying pan.

"Well, yeah, I'd just heard about it in passing, you know," Quill replies, uncomfortably, hands in the dressing gown pockets, "and while we didn't use restraints, sexual dominance was a big thing for my species."

Kalei frowns. "I mean, bondage isn't just about sex, or even dominance, necessarily-"

"But that's the general idea," Quill interrupts.

"Well, a lot of the time, yes," Kalei says, "but there's a lot more psychology to it than people think, it takes a lot of-" She trails off to look at Quill with faint horror. "Wait, I completely forgot. You're a slave. You were a prisoner of war."

"Funnily enough, it hasn't slipped my mind," Quill says dryly.

"Well, I - I really don't think tying you up is a good idea, you being a slave and ex-prisoner and also totally new to it all otherwise," Kalei says, frowning a little. "I mean, how could it possibly hold appeal, all of that considered?"

"I hadn't given it much thought." Quill shrugs. "I mean, it was mainly because I thought _you_ wanted it. To be able to be properly dominant of me outside of the play fighting. Everyone wants to be the dominant, so I used it as a bargaining chip. It was never really something I wanted for myself."

Except...the more she thinks about it, the more she considers the possibilities. Handcuffs are inanimate. She could _fight_ handcuffs. It wouldn't be the same as fighting a person, but it would be better than nothing. At this point she would take anything, anything at all.

"Now that I'm thinking about it," she says. "Thanks to the arn, I could never fight you properly, but I _could_ if I were restrained."

Kalei still doesn't look quite convinced. "And you want that? _That_ holds appeal?"

"Fighting is in my blood," Quill reminds her. "When they put this thing in my head, they took it away from me. The only time I can fight is to protect my enslaver. But this….this could be _something._ A loophole."

"Hm, I suppose that makes - wait, what in the world would make you think that everybody wants to be the dominant?" Kalei asks, frowning. "You literally _just_ listed a perfect reason as to why some people like being submissive."

Quill looks at her oddly. "Yes, but that's because of the arn in my head and the cultural background, It's different. It's not about the control, it's about the fighting. Are you telling me that you people _like_ being the one who lacks control? How could that possibly make sense?"

"You said that sexual dominance was a thing for your people."

"Yes, because for us sex was a battle just like anything else," Quill says, smirking. "Someone always has to land on top. Sex had a winner, the strongest fighter. Naturally, I never lost."

Kalei regards her with concern before cracking eggs into a bowl. "And you honestly think that suddenly being on the other end of that equation won't be jarring for you?"

"It's just sex, Kalei. Stop trying to turn it into a psychological study-"

"It's not just sex," Kalei says sharply. "Not the things we're considering or whatever this is between us. I'll thank you to not trivialise either of them again."

Quill purses her lips. Being reprimanded by someone who isn't a Rhodian royal is a new feeling, and not one she likes. But, at least in the case of the latter, Kalei is right. And as for the former -

"So you have a lot of experience with this kind of thing, then?" Quill says, leaning against the counter. "Tying people up in the bedroom."

Kalei's cheeks flush a little. "No, actually. I've been on the other end of it once, with Sam, but that was right before everything got complicated. I broke things off with him before I could get any experience. But I've been interested in it for a while, and so I've done a lot of research."

"Research," Quill says, amused. "Of course you did."

"It's important," Kalei says defensively, "and when we do this - _if_ we do this - then you'll understand why."

"It wasn't a criticism," Quill tells her, moving to stand behind her and putting one hand on her hip while using the other to sweep aside Kalei's hair so she can press a kiss right behind her ear. "I like a woman who takes things seriously. Also, the thought of you actively spending your time looking into this but not having anyone to do it with seems like a beautifully tragic situation I'll have to rectify."

Kalei leans into her touch easily and lets out a long breath. "I just think it might be better if you're the one cuffing me. I mean, you're a slave, and before that you must have literally been cuffed by those royals. Even if it's a completely different situation-"

"Flimsy bits of metal mean nothing compared to the thing in my head."

"They're not flimsy. And it's always a much more intense experience than people think."

"Kalei, now that I've realised there's something I can fight against, I'm not going to let this go until we do it," Quill tells her. "I _need_ it. I'm going out of my mind having to be this docile."

"Okay," Kalei says slowly, "but we're going to talk about it while we eat. You're going to let me explain how it's safest to go about doing this."

"I'm still not entirely sure why you're so worried. But I'll let you talk."

Quill plays with the cat while Kalei goes back to making omelettes, and after what feels like an age they finally sit at the little dining table with cups of coffee, their breakfast in front of them.

"The best system I've found is one based on traffic lights," Kalei begins, but Quill can't stop herself from snorting.

"I'm sorry, _how_ do traffic lights come into this?"

"It's a simple form of communication," Kalei says, "for how comfortable the submissive person is. Green is 'keep going'. Red is 'stop'. Yellow is a little more subjective to personal preference, but tends to mean 'stop what you're doing but not altogether' or 'slow down, I need time to adjust'."

"Oh," Quill says through a mouthful of omelette, more interested now. "That makes sense."

"I like the idea of using Orange for the former, and Yellow for the latter. Then we have both covered, since they're really not the same thing."

"You really have done your research."

"Why do you sound vaguely turned on by that?" Kalei laughs, and Quill can only shrug.

"I led an army," she says simply. "I appreciate when people have taken the time to actually know what they're talking about." She keeps eating the omelette. It's good, and it occurs to her that she hasn't eaten in almost a whole day because of how quickly yesterday derailed.

This time yesterday, she and Kalei weren't speaking. In a fashion so utterly typical of their entire relationship, everything has changed in little more than half a day. Quill had always thought that her lover on Rhodia had been a quick courtship, but things with Kalei are an absolute whirlwind.

It's fast and intense and _real_ and that's how Quill likes it. There's no...waiting, with Kalei. Things just happen, and that's good. The future is uncertain - but the present is here and it's Kalei. That's all that matters.

"So you've got those different colours in your head? What they mean, when to use them?"

Quill thinks it over. "Green for keep going, yellow for slow down, orange for stop but not completely, red for stop. As in, red would mean I want you to uncuff me?"

"Yes."

"Alright. Straightforward enough. I'm assuming you actually have handcuffs?"

Kalei grins. "Sally bought me some for Christmas last year, for in case I actually found someone I wanted to use them with. Proper ones designed for exactly this purpose. She likes to complain about how she had to scroll through so many overly sexual websites to get them for me, that I can no longer have any doubts about how good of a friend she is."

"Sally is the diminutive biology teacher who tried to have a go at me on Tuesday?"

Kalei sobers a little and offers a sheepish smile. "Yes, that's her."

"You have a loyal friend there, brave enough to try and go against me. I'd hang on to her." Quill finishes her coffee and gets up from the table. "So, are we doing this?"

Kalei nods, and they take their dishes to the sink before heading back to the bedroom. Quill sits on the edge of the bed, slipping the dressing gown off while Kalei moves to her set of drawers and finally pulls out a pair of handcuffs.

"With your background in mind, I want to start slow," Kalei says, "So I'm just going to put them on and let you get used to how they feel, before I cuff you to anything."

The cuffs are thick and made of sturdy leather, with what looks to be fur lining.

"Yeah, whatever," Quill says, impatiently. "Put them on, then."

"I just want you to remember that we can stop at any time," Kalei insists. "You need to be _completely_ comfortable with this. You need to tell me right away if you're not."

Quill rolls her eyes. "Just get on with it."

The cuffs go on. Kalei slips two fingers between the cuffs and Quill's skin before withdrawing them, apparently satisfied they aren't too tight. Then she watches intently as Quill tests the feel of them. They're certainly not the flimsy metal Quill had imagined. They feel...real. Familiar. Familiar in a way that has never before meant anything good.

_But real is good, now,_ she tells herself, _real means you can fight against them._

It sounds reasonable, in theory, but there's a small knot of uncertainty in her stomach.

"Alright?" Kalei asks tentatively. One hand is on Quill's wrist just below the left cuff, while the other is at the back of Quill's neck, massaging the skin there. "You're safe with me, remember. This isn't your planet, you aren't anybody's prisoner. You're just with me. And I'll let you go the moment you ask. All you have to say is 'red'."

For all Quill's earlier scoffing, she realises that Kalei might have been right. She's never been submissive in her life in this kind of situation. Any time she's been restrained, any time at all, it's been because of those damn Rhodians.

Physical restraints mean being a prisoner. They mean being powerless. It's frightening.

She knows that Kalei says that she'll stop in an instant, that all she'd have to do is say a word, but suddenly Quill is less sure. How can she trust that, how can she be _certain_? On sheer principle, she doesn't trust anyone who isn't a Quill, and even then she was selective.

But it's Kalei. How could she not trust Kalei?

"Are you okay?" Kalei asks again.

Quill swallows hard. Her heart is pounding in her chest, which is ridiculous. She wants this, she really does, it's just going to take some time to adjust to. They just need to keep going.

She wants to say 'I'm fine,' but can't quite get the words out because they aren't true. But she nods, because she needs this, she needs something to fight against, more than anything. And she wants to make Kalei happy, wants to let her have this after everything she's done for Quill.

"Andy," Kalei says, and Quill looks up from where her gaze had fallen to the cuffs.

"What?" Quill asks, defensively. "Aren't you going to get on with it?"

Kalei meets her eyes, frowning. "You're not okay. You're shaking. Do you want me to take the cuffs off?" Quill adamantly shakes her head even though a part of her is screaming for them to be gone. Kalei puts an arm around her shoulders and presses a kiss to her temple. "You know I won't be disappointed if we don't do this. When I say it'll stop the moment you say so, I mean it. You're safe. I'm not going to hurt you. I'd never hurt you, ever."

"I know," Quill says, and she mostly believes her own words. But that most cynical part of herself, the part that has kept her alive all this time, the part that kept her alive where other Quill fell...it refuses to trust anyone. Least of all a human.

"But you're scared."

Quill snorts. "I'm not scared of a pair of cuffs or the intentions of a pretty maths teacher."

Kalei bites her lip, and gently turns Quill's face to look at her. She kisses her softly, and Quill exhales into it, feeling a fraction of the fear fade. This is Kalei. Soft, gentle Kalei. Whose hands are running down her arms and touching her hair, touching her everywhere. It's all innocent and calming, and while Quill is certainly learning to appreciate such gestures, they still mainly spark a yearning in her for more.

She wants to be touched in other places, but knows she has to be cuffed to the bed first for that to happen.

"What are you waiting for?" Quill asks impatiently.

"I'm waiting for you to tell me you're not scared, and be telling the truth," Kalei says, pulling away enough to hold Quill's gaze seriously, her hand cupping Quill's face. "Because it's not safe if I keep going and you're scared. You need to be safe."

"You're being ridiculous, I'm not in _danger_ -" Quill says, but her scoffing doesn't quite work when her voice is trembling a little.

"Andy, control over your body is one of the only things you have left. Giving that control to somebody else _is_ dangerous," Kalei tells her. "You have to trust me. _Really_ trust me."

"I'm not much good at trusting people," Quill replies. "Not even you. It's not in my nature."

Kalei looks at her, all big brown eyes. Sad eyes. "Then I don't think we should be doing this. Without trust, this doesn't work." Her hands go to the cuffs, but Quill snatches them out of her reach.

She wants them gone, she wants them a thousand miles away from her, but taking them off means she doesn't get her fight. The fight she craves, the fight she needs for the sake of her sanity.

"I need this," she says, choking on her words and realising with horror that she's crying. "They _took_ my most basic instinct from me and this is my chance to get it back; now that I know I can have it, I won't be able to rest until I get it. I might be terrified now, but I need to know how it feels when I'm not."

Kalei bites her lip. "Andy, just try and think about it. Think about if it was me. If you were putting the cuffs on me. Would you want to do this to me if you could see that I was terrified?"

Quill can't help but flinch at the image of restraining a Kalei who was crying and shaking with fear.

"Exactly. That's why I had a feeling it would be better if you were the one that cuffed me. I don't have reason to be scared."

"Well, other than the general loss of control."

Kalei shakes her head. "No, I'm not scared of that. I know I'd be in safe hands, literally and figuratively. I trust you."

Quill stares at her, staggered. "You trust _me_? Enough that you don't find the prospect even a _little_ bit frightening?" Kalei just nods. "I - really? No one ever trusts me. Not since I led my army, and even then they trusted my rage more than me as a person."

"I trust you." Kalei's thumb strokes Quill's cheek. "And I want you to know that you can trust me. I'd fight off a whole horde of alien lizards or alien anythings if it meant keeping you safe - which is _utterly insane_ , for more reasons than one, but it's true. This, you, it's scary because it's moved so fast, but at the same time, it isn't, because it just feels right. I'm just...sure. And I really hope it's the same for you."

"I've never been sure of anyone," Quill says, a lump in her throat. "Until now."

Kalei smiles and leans in to brush her nose against Quill's. Like every time before, it sends a shudder through Quill's body because it's simultaneously a piece of home and a piece of Kalei. It's familiar, and yet still so new and bizarre to think that this is something she has again. A lover. Someone who _cares_.

The chain between the cuffs is long enough to allow Quill to take Kalei's face in her hands and kiss her deeply. Kalei kisses her back and the tension in Quill's body melts away as she loses herself in the sensation of Kalei's lips against hers, in her taste and the tiny moans escaping her.

When they stop for breath, Quill nudges Kalei's nose back.

"I'd fight for you too," she whispers. "If I could. I still will, however I can."

"I know," Kalei says, and they stay like that for a few more seconds. "But right now we don't need to fight anyone. You just need to be able to fight against these cuffs. So tell me about why you're scared. Let's see if we can rationalise this fear."

"I suppose a part of me still wasn't sure about trusting you," Quill says, looking down at her cuffs and feeling that lump of uncertainty return to her gut, "which I _know_ is nonsense. That part is quieter now. It might finally be convinced. That would be nice."

The cuffs feel heavy. Quill's heart is picking up again and that terror starts clawing at her - irrational but oh so powerful.

"Deep breaths," Kalei says softly, her hand tracing circles on Quill's bare back. "You're not alone, I'm here. I'm not going to hurt you. I'd never hurt you, Andy. This is _your_ decision, you can change your mind in a second if you want to."

Quill takes the deep breaths. Five seconds in, five seconds hold, five seconds out. Again, but with ten seconds. Her heart is a little calmer by the time she's done. Kalei nods encouragingly and dips down to press a kiss to her shoulder.

"How are you feeling now?"

"Alright," Quill replies, swallowing again. "And I mean it this time. I think I'm ready to keep going."

The longer she holds Kalei's gaze - so patient, so caring - the more she feels some of the worry leave her. This is not Rhodia. This is Earth. Kalei is not her enemy or her oppressor. Kalei is….the only good thing in her life, other than coffee and chocolate and cats. Kalei is her lifeline. She could not be further from the last people to put Quill in cuffs.

_This is your decision_. In a sense, Quill is actually putting herself in cuffs. Which….actually helps a _lot_.

Kalei is meanwhile searching her face, then smiling, a kind of relief in her eyes. It must be obvious on Quill's face how much better she's feeling about it all.

"Okay, I'm going to get you to shuffle back so that you're near the headboard," she says to Quill, who immediately moves, "and then I'm going to undo one of these so I can loop it around, and then I'll do it back up. That alright?"

Quill gets herself settled by the headboard and nods. Kalei moves to sit next to her and does exactly what she said she would, lifting Quill's arms and putting the chain around a secure part of the headboard. When it comes to putting the cuff back on Quill's wrist, she drops a kiss there first.

"You're doing really well," she says, and once the cuffs are back on she leans back to gauge Quill's reaction. When Quill is able to hold her gaze, she smiles before her eyes roam across Quill and darken. "God, you're so beautiful like this. Not that you aren't always, but you look even better like this than I imagined."

"Imagined it a lot, did you?" Quill asks, letting amusement colour her tone to cover the fact that the compliment makes her want to preen. She tugs on the cuffs experimentally, feels the chain catch on the headboard. She is secured in place. Her heart skips a beat, and so she takes deep breaths again. It doesn't help as much as she'd like, but it helps a bit.

"Once you put it in my head, maybe." Kalei lets her hand trail down Quill's body, from collarbone to between her breasts to navel. "How are you feeling?" Her hand comes back up, gently cups one of Quill's breasts.

"Yellow," Quill blurts, not because she needs Kalei to slow down, but because she needs to see if she will. Just to test that what she's said all this time is true.

Kalei's hand instantly falls back down her body, lingering at her hip with only the lightest contact. Her eyes meanwhile dart up to Quill with new concern. Quill feels some of the nerves in her chest dissipate. The safe words work. Kalei is listening, and means every word she's said.

"Green," Quill says. "I just...wanted to be sure. That you would."

Kalei smiles with understanding, and nods before kissing Quill gently on the lips. "Are you alright with me taking my clothes off now? And straddling you?"

"Of course. The sooner the better."

Kalei pulls her t-shirt off and shimmies out of her shorts, leaving her as bare as Quill. Then she settles herself on Quill's hips, her knees either side. She looks up at Quill, that question in her eyes.

"Green."

Soft brown hands caress Quill's torso, slowly, their every touch stoking the embers of sensation within Quill.

"Can you move your hands? Is your circulation okay?" Kalei asks after a while, and Quill flexes her wrists experimentally before nodding. "Okay, good." Her eyes are warm as she regards Quill. "I mean it, you know. You're so beautiful I can't even think clearly sometimes."

Heat floods Quill's chest, the way it always does when Kalei says things like that. She hates that she reacts like this, that she has been brought so low by the Rhodians that now she craves validation, craves praise on some base level.

She bites her lip. "I - thank you."

Kalei's eyes are oddly knowing as she smiles and moves down Quill's body, her trail of kisses slow and deliberate. Quill tugs on the cuffs to get a feel for how much she'll be able to struggle against them. The answer is the perfect amount - just enough room to make it possible without so much it would get exhausting.

"Will they work for what you need?" Kalei asks, her hands ghosting over Quill's thighs.

Quill grins, "Oh, yes."

Kalei smiles back, widely, and spreads Quill's legs to kiss just above her left knee and keep moving inwards. It's exactly what she promised over the phone, kisses and little bites until Quill is certain her thigh is going to look beautifully colourful in the days to come. (Though not as much so if there had been lipstick involved, but she's willing to let that part of the promise slide.)

Kalei's grip is firm, and Quill properly pulls against the cuffs, because she wants her to _hurry up_ and _get to the point._ Kalei had promised to go at a torturous pace, and Quill isn't going to just, well, lie down and take it. She yanks on the cuffs, wanting to grab Kalei by her hair and bring her where she wants her.

The short, sharp pain of fighting the cuffs too hard jolts through her wrist, but it makes Quill grin with satisfaction. It feels so good to be able to put her strength into something again. Not to mention that the brunette leaving bite marks on her thighs is a nice bonus.

Kalei pauses and looks up, a simple question in her eyes.

"Green," Quill says, and they share a brief smile before Kalei resumes her work with an admirable dedication.

It's glorious, but still not nearly enough.

"I know you said you were going to be slow, but this is insanity," Quill growls, and she uses her legs to try and draw Kalei in closer to where she wants her.

Kalei just laughs and pushes her legs back down against the mattress, holding them in place. Quill narrows her eyes and tries to get out of her grip, but finds that while she probably could, it would take all of her strength.

Hands bound. Legs secured. It's getting a little too close to her imprisonment on Rhodia.

"Yellow," Quill whispers, and takes several deep breaths.

Kalei nods and trails kisses along Quill's hip and lower stomach before finally returning to her thighs. She's started on the other one, apparently satisfied with the work she's done on the first. Her hands are still holding Quill's leg down but more loosely.

"You're going to have to do a lot more to make me beg," Quill tells her.

"And I intend to," Kalei says. "As long as you're comfortable in those cuffs for long enough."

"I'm _fine_ , I just want you to get on with it." Quill imagines being able to lace her fingers through Kalei's hair and drag her up to kiss her, or hold her in place at the apex of her thighs, being able to end this _frustration._ She pulls at her cuffs with everything she has, she _fights_ to be able to grab Kalei and flip her over and take her so hard she can't walk straight for three days.

The cuffs don't give. It's frustrating to fight to no avail, and her body is getting more and more sensitive with every sweep of Kalei's tongue and nip of her teeth, but the main thing is that she is _fighting_.

Her blood is thrumming with adrenaline, and she feels more alive than she has in months.

She keeps fighting and pulling until she has to take a break, breathing hard and shutting her eyes but so utterly content, at least mentally; physically, she's reaching the point where Kalei would probably only have to touch her in the right place for about ten seconds and that would be enough to finish her.

"The cuffs still okay?"

"More than okay," Quill says a little breathlessly, without opening her eyes. She can feel a smile on her face. No reply comes and nor do any new touches from Kalei other than her hands resting on Quill's hips, and she cracks an eye open to see Kalei sitting up slightly, eyes dark as they regard Quill. "What?"

Kalei bites her lip and lets her hands sweep up Quill's torso. "I just...really underestimated how much I'd like watching you struggle."

_Look at her, the mighty leader. There's something satisfying about watching her struggle, isn't there?_

Quill flinches away from Kalei's hands. "Orange," she manages to remember to say, and she sees Kalei retracting her hands like a shot, eyes wide and concerned. Quill's instinct is to shut her eyes but she keeps them open because this is not Rhodia, and she is not bound by her enemies. She has _chosen_ to be bound by Kalei.

She has _chosen_ this. All it would take is a single syllable from her and she would be free in seconds. She has chosen this because she needs something to fight. These cuffs are not restraints, not really. They are liberation.

She takes a deep breath and focuses on Kalei, on those earnest brown eyes in front of her.

"What did I-" Kalei trails off as guilt floods her features. "Oh god, I didn't even _think_ about how that sounded, Andy-"

"Not your fault," Quill says quietly.

"I'm so sorry," Kalei says, covering her mouth with her hand. "Are you sure you don't want to stop altogether?"

Quill shakes her head, adamantly. "I just...need a minute. And...well, you."

"But, orange-"

"It was your words, not any other part of you," Quill tells her firmly. "One second I was here, and the next I was in my cell, the guards sneering at me, at the mighty leader of the Quill, in chains but still fighting." She feels the heavy emotion filling her again and reaches for Kalei on instinct, only for the chain of the cuffs to rattle when her hands barely get two inches.

Quite without her permission, her eyes start to water. Fighting the cuffs isn't fun when she just wants to pull Kalei to her, she just _needs_ her where she can reach her -

"Kalei, please," she says, her voice so soft it's barely audible. "Come here."

Kalei swallows hard but moves to sit in Quill's lap, and even just the warmth of Kalei's body against her own is reassuring for Quill. Kalei must feel some of the tension leave Quill's body because she looks at her with shining eyes as she cups Quill's face in her hands.

"I'm sorry," she says, but Quill shakes her head and nudges her nose with her own.

"There's nothing to forgive."

Kalei kisses Quill ever so gently, on the lips and then across her cheek, and once Quill's eyes fall shut, brushes kisses across her eyelids too.

It's wonderful. Quill has spent so long denying how she melts from tiny gestures like this, how back on Rhodia she had had to push her sentiments aside to keep her head as a commander, but even then had savoured that tiny touch of the nose, the one gentle thing her people were capable of.

On Earth, she could dismiss it as 'human, and therefore disgusting.' But it's not.

She needs it. She craves it. It's how she knows she isn't alone; her anchor to sanity is Kalei's hands and lips on her face and against her hair, and maybe that's a weakness. But some weaknesses are also strengths, and she knows that she would fight until the end of this world to keep this woman safe.

That could be a good thing. It certainly feels like a good thing, as much as it also aches. Provided she lives past getting the arn out of her head and seeing the Shadowkin exterminated, it would be good to have something left to fight for. A Quill is nothing without something to fight for.

When Quill feels Kalei's hands on the cuffs, her eyes snap open.

"What are you doing?" she asks, sharply.

"Checking on them," Kalei replies with a frown. "I should have been checking them more, but I haven't done this before, and I just got so caught up in what I was doing. Your wrists aren't in the best shape, Andy, I think I should take these off-"

"Don't," Quill says, a little surprised by how desperate her voice sounds. "Please don't."

"But don't they hurt?"

"A little. But I find a little physical pain to be comforting." When Kalei's frown shifts to something more uncertain, Quill gives her a small smile. "Have you never had something hurt, but in a way that felt good?"

Kalei's eyes hold hers, warm and soft. "Well, when you put it like that." She nudges Quill's nose and they keep the contact for a while, Kalei's hand lifting to play with Quill's hair, stroking and combing in a way that feels glorious.

"Besides, it's entirely my own fault, I kept doing it even though it was painful," Quill adds eventually. "I know you're meant to be looking after me, but you're not to blame for me being, well, me."

"I can't help but still feel like I'm doing a terrible job of this."

Quill shakes her head. "You've been so good to me. Don't ever, ever think otherwise."

Kalei smiles. "Well, I'm about to be better. How does me finally going down on you sound?"

Quill had actually forgotten about her sexual frustration until then, rather sidetracked by the cuff-related panic and then all the wonderful, wonderful touching. But the moment the idea is put back in her head -

"It's about fucking time," she says, and grinds her hips up against Kalei's because she can. The brunette bites her lip through a grin.

"So impatient," Kalei teases, tapping Quill on the nose with her finger and making her blink.

"You've spent a good half an hour between my legs without _actually_ getting to where I want you, so yes, shoot me, I'm impatient."

Kalei lightly trails her hands down Quill's body as she shuffles back. She kisses Quill's lower stomach and caresses the sensitive thighs that will be bearing marks so proudly by the time the day is done. And it's nice, but goddamn if Quill hasn't had enough of nice for the moment.

"I swear, if you don't-" Quill can't finish her sentence because Kalei's mouth is finally, _finally_ where she wants it. It's the most natural thing in the world to shut her eyes and let the pleasure wash over her. Her body has been teased and sensitised and panicked and soothed but it remembers and her hips are bucking almost instantly.

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," Kalei says softly, and it's not even close to the first time she's said anything like that, but it's the first time she's said it while they're in the middle of having sex, and Quill is shocked to feel the words shoot warmth right to her core.

Kalei meets her eyes and a kind of satisfaction flashes through the brown irises, her fingers moving to where Quill is most sensitive and sliding over it lightly, making her hips jerk again.

"You've been so patient," Kalei murmurs, "As patient as I could dare hope. So patient, and strong. So good-"

Quill tries to swallow the tiny whimper that escapes her, because being called _good_ shouldn't affect her the way it is, it's bizarre and alarming because craving praise is one thing but this is different. This runs deeper, somehow, she's getting off on it, and it's like Kalei _knows_.

"That's it," Kalei says as Quill's breathing gets shallow and her fingers keep moving, gently and consistently. "That feels good, doesn't it? You've earned it, you deserve it. To feel this good."

Quill comes with a small cry, tugging on the cuffs because it's the only thing she _can_ do, and the short burst of pain only augments the pleasure coursing through her.

She isn't sure how long she lies there, the cuffs the only thing keeping her from completely melting into the mattress from the sheer bliss of it all - not the sex, or the fighting, or the touching, but all of it together.

Kalei moves to undo the cuffs, and it is a relief to feel them slip off her wrists, to be able to flex the sore joints and relish it. More importantly, it means Quill can _finally_ touch Kalei, and so she wastes no time in grabbing Kalei by the waist and pulling her down to lie next to her on the mattress. Kalei lets out a noise of surprise, but doesn't try to move.

"You did so well," Kalei says, reaching out to stroke Quill's hair.

Quill's throat feels thick. "How did you _know?_ "

Kalei smiles at her, softly. "Andy, you're not _that_ difficult to read. And even if you were, I'm a fairly observant person."

Quill's hand traces the line of Kalei's hip absently. "Thank you. For all of it."

"Thank you for trusting me," Kalei says, before her eyes go to Quill's red wrists. "I think I should go and get something to put on those."

"Maybe later," Quill murmurs, her heart rate still taking its time to slow, her body still calming down from being utterly wired. "I'm honestly fine. I just want you." She kisses Kalei, finally able to take charge of the kiss again now that she has use of her hands.

"I'm not going anywhere," Kalei assures her after kissing her back. "You don't just leave a submissive when you're done. God, that's a point, I should have asked you about aftercare _before_ this."

"Aftercare?"

"You know, what makes you feel safe and good after doing this."

"I feel good now," Quill whispers, a tiny laugh escaping her. "Like I'm floating."

Kalei's fingers stroke across her hair gently. "That's good. But you'll probably come down from that soon, and then you might feel different. It's called sub drop. So what can you think of that you want?"

"A nap. With you. And chocolate. Chocolate would be nice."

Kalei smiles. "I'll be right back with the chocolate." She gets out of the bed and Quill lets her eyes shut again, focusing on breathing and the faint throbbing of her wrists and all the other delicious feelings. When she opens her eyes again a few moments later, she sees the cuffs still hanging from the headboard and doesn't know how to feel about them.

She's coming down now, from whatever that high of sorts was, and it feels strange. But before she can think about it too much, Kalei is back with chocolate and a fluffy white cat under her arm.

"Xenophilius," Quill says with surprise, taking him from Kalei when he is offered and bringing him to rest against her chest. "Hello." He shifts a little before settling himself and starts to purr when she strokes him.

"Thought he might help too," Kalei says with a grin as she slides in next to Quill and curls into her side. She also can't resist petting the cat.

"Thank you." Quill is oddly touched, even though Kalei's thoughtfulness shouldn't come as a surprise at this point.

"You okay?" Kalei asks quietly as she holds the chocolate out.

"Like you said, feeling different," Quill says, letting out a long breath and biting into the chocolate bar. "Thanks for the warning. But it's not bad. Just...new. That sure was something."

"I told you it would be intense," Kalei reminds her, resting her head on Quill's shoulder and tracing circles over Quill's stomach.

"You did, and I was fool enough to scoff. Here's me taught."

"You're not a fool. You're brilliant."

Quill wants to tell her to lay off the compliments but can't quite bring herself to do it because it's not actually what she wants. She wants them all.

"But it was good?" Kalei asks.

Quill puts an arm around Kalei to hold her tight, and returns the smile that Kalei gives her. "It was...nothing short of incredible. Hiccups and all."

"Do you want to talk about the...orange light thing?"

"No." Quill's voice is firm. "I told you everything that was important, no need to sully this with thoughts of dead Rhodians whose opinions I care about even less now than I did then."

"That's not necessarily what I meant."

"It wasn't your fault, Kalei. It just happened. It's alright. You more than made up for it." She expects Kalei to answer, but the brunette just cuddles closer, and the only sound that escapes her is a deep sigh.

Quill can also hear her breathing, and considers that yes, perhaps without the comforting warmth of Kalei's body next to her, or Xenophilius's soft weight on her, without this _cuddling_ , the drop might have been downright unpleasant. As per usual, Kalei knows what she's talking about, and Quill is better for it.

Finally, Kalei speaks again, and the classic mischief is in her voice. "So, do I get to be the one in cuffs next time?"

Quill chuckles on reflex, but finds herself quickly sobering. Now that she's experienced it for herself, the intensity of it all, the fact that Kalei trusts her explicitly to do the same to her is even more staggering. And it doesn't sit right with Quill.

No one's ever trusted her this _intimately_ before. People have trusted her, sure, but those were troops who believed in their commander, in their shared cause. It's not the same - and besides, she failed them all anyway. She's failed everyone who ever trusted her. So how can she let herself do this to Kalei?

"It'll be a while yet before I'll have processed that you trust me enough to do this," Quill says honestly. "People don't trust me as a general rule, and those who do, I end up failing. It's going to take a while for me to get past that."

Kalei turns and lifts her head to look at her. "Andy, you won't-"

Quill puts her finger to Kalei's lips and smirks at her. "But when I do come to terms with it, oh the fun I'm going to have." Kalei grins. "But now, seriously, I know it can't even be noon yet, but I feel like I need to sleep, just for a bit."

"Sure, whatever you want."

They have to move the protesting cat to sit down by their legs, and Kalei laughs when Quill tells him to 'stop looking at us like that.' He finally resettles himself in the angle of Kalei's knee.

Quill falls asleep with her body curled around Kalei's, and feels - for the first time since the arn got put in her head - that maybe one day, if she has her freedom and her enemies are dead, she could be truly happy if this is what life on Earth could come to mean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you thought, I've been so anxious to know what you guys would think of this chapter ever since I wrote it, but it's really dear to my heart and like I say, I'm really really proud of it and I can't wait to know what you think!


	15. Sci-Fi and Showers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalei introduces Quill to Star Wars. And the other things it is possible to get up to in a shower besides cleaning oneself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, references to 'The Man From UNIT' by FernDavant. This time there are spoilers for that fic, so if you're going to read it (which I highly recommend you do because it is one of the best Class oneshots out there), I'd go and do that first before reading this. Link below:
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/8918638
> 
> Anyway. Ahem. Onto the chapter, and more smut ahead. *passes out fans*

While Quill might have her reservations about cuffing Kalei, that doesn't stop her from fucking Kalei relentlessly the moment they wake up from their nap. Once Kalei reaches her third orgasm, she's begging for a reprieve, so Quill relents to instead enjoy the sight of Kalei outstretched before her, trying to catch her breath. Quill can't help but look at the cuffs as well. While it will take her a while to be comfortable with the implications, that doesn't mean she can't enjoy imagining the cuffs on Kalei and the possibilities it might open. Oh, how glorious that will be. One day.

It occurs to her, in the back of her mind, that in two days she'll be trying to get the arn out of her head, and that there's a very strong possibility she'll die trying. But for now she will ignore that, because she intends to keep living, for the following reasons, in order of importance:

  1. To see her people avenged/to kill all the Shadowkin
  2. The look on Charlie's face when he learns she has gotten the arn taken out
  3. Sheer spite
  4. Kalei, in general
  5. More cats to pet
  6. Reaching the day she can put Kalei in handcuffs



"So, lunch?" Kalei asks, pushing herself up with her hands and breaking Quill from her mental listing before she can decide if she wants to add 'finding an excuse to punch Dorothea Ames in her smirking face.' It's possibly a bit harsh, given that Ames is the one offering to help her with the arn and therefore going to be the reason for her being able to punch people again in the first place, but there's just something about the headteacher's face that screams 'hit me.'

Quill reluctantly pushes thoughts of punching Dorothea Ames aside to consider Kalei's question. "I suppose so," she says. "Where did Xenophilius get to?"

"He scarpered the moment we started getting...excited," Kalei laughs. "He'll be on the couch, probably."

They seek out the cat, and once again Quill plays with him while Kalei cooks. She's had to borrow some of Kalei's clothes, so she's dressed in leggings and a plain black tank top. Kalei is in jeans and a Star Wars t-shirt. The moment Kalei realises that Quill has never seen Star Wars, she insists that they watch it.

Quill has very low expectations for the quality of something with such a ridiculous name. She's not entirely clear on whether it's a fictional film or a documentary, but either way, humans have such laughable ideas about space that it can be difficult to take such ideas seriously.

But the first thing on the introductory scrolling paragraphs is 'it is a period of civil war,' and Quill straightens up a little, moreso when she sees that the rebels seem to be portrayed as the sympathetic group.

The tiny young woman in white, with her bold attitude even in the face of the imposing figure in black, captures Quill's interest.

"I like her," Quill says to Kalei as the man in black orders for her to be taken away.

Kalei grins. "I thought you might."

About twenty minutes in, the caesar salad in her lap barely touched because she's so absorbed into the story, Quill asks, "Did this really happen?"

Kalei chokes on her lettuce and laughs for at least half a minute before finally being able to calm down enough to reply. "No. Wow. _No_. You're a physicist, surely you should know that this isn't that scientifically accurate. You wouldn't hear the sound of explosions in space, because it's a vacuum."

"Obviously," Quill says, rolling her eyes. "I meant that this seems like a dramatic reenactment of something that actually happened."

"No, it's just fiction," Kalei assures her. "It usually says 'inspired by true events' or something at the start of anything based on a real story."

"Oh."

The space farmboy is whiny, but in addition to the princess, she likes the really quite hot guy in the waistcoat. She's undecided on the large hairy creature. The old man has that 'holier and wiser than thou' attitude that is everything Quill doesn't like about the Doctor, without anything she _does_ like about him, and so she finds herself rolling her eyes whenever he speaks.

She agrees with the hot one - this whole 'Force' business sounds rather silly. And while a laser sword certainly has appeal, guns are more efficient. Though she likes to think about the amount of damage she would be able to inflict if she could wield both. She'd be unstoppable.

Quill grins when after they save the princess, she seizes control of her own rescue. Her arguing with the hot one is amusing and reminds her a lot of her initial interactions with her lover on Rhodia.

"Do those two end up as lovers?" Quill asks.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Of course I do; why else would I ask?"

"Yes, they do. What gave it away?"

"Let's just say...I've seen it before," Quill says, smiling to herself just a little, albeit with some melancholy. One day she'll tell Kalei about him in detail. But it still feels fresh, even though it was months ago.

The rest of the movie is fairly good, and by the time the credits start rolling, Quill is impressed. She's finally found a human movie that she genuinely loves.

"So? Should I put on the next one?"

"There's _more_?" Quill asks, eyes widening.

"Two more in the original trilogy, which I think you'll like if you enjoyed this one. The prequel trilogy is more controversial. I like it, but since I think you like this one because of the rebellion, I don't think you would like the prequels. The newest movie is a lot like this one though, so you'd probably like that one."

Quill frowns. "You're making it complicated. Just put the next one on. I trust your opinion at this point; you don't need to vocalise it."

They watch the second movie, and while it's affirming to see Han and Leia kiss, it's a little more disheartening when everything goes wrong towards the end. It's all too familiar, really. She knows what it's like to think you're doing well to then only lose almost everything in a few harsh strokes.

The third movie has tiny cuddly teddy bear aliens. Quill hates them, but it's obvious that Kalei loves them, so she tries to keep quiet about it.

The ending is a little bittersweet, for Quill. She's glad that these people could defeat their enemy, that their rebellion could succeed, but it only rings home that it's a feeling she'll never know.

"It must be nice," Quill says, as she watches the onscreen celebrations.

"What must be?"

"To win," she says quietly. The next thing she knows, Kalei's hand is gripping hers.

"Oh Andy," the brunette breathes, her other hand cupping Quill's face only for the blonde to jerk her head away. "I didn't even think, I'm sorry-"

"You didn't have to apologise. I'm not the only person on this world who's lost a rebellion, and I don't need you to coddle me."

Kalei lets go of her hand to put an arm around her shoulders instead. "What about _cuddle_ you?"

There is a pause, and then -

"I cannot _believe_ you just said that," Quill says, shaking her head. Kalei laughs and looks far too pleased with herself. "Remind me why I tolerate you, again? It's clearly not your sense of humour."

"Because I'm cute?" Kalei asks hopefully, adjusting her glasses and giving Quill a cheeky smile.

"Acutely ridiculous, maybe."

Kalei laughs with delight. "Proudly. And you know what? I think-" She leans in, until her lips are half a centimetre from Quill's, "you like it."

"And I think that you're overconfident," Quill retorts, pushing her away and snorting at her disappointed look even though a part of her is quietly outraged that she has passed up an opportunity to get a kiss. "I'm hungry. Can we eat?"

"Sure. I feel like curry," Kalei says, sinking back into the couch cushions. "What do you feel like?"

"I'm sure curry will be fine. I'm not fussy when it comes to food."

"Alright, good. But I want vodka too, so we're definitely going to have to venture outside. Which means showers. The fact that we haven't showered yet is pretty gross."

"Fair point. You can go first, I'm comfortable enough here."

Kalei gets up, then gives Quill a mischievous smile. "Or you could join me?"

Quill frowns at her. "I'm all for productivity and saving time, Kalei, but I think sharing showers is a bit excessive, and frankly I'm just as likely to get very distracted from cleaning myself by your being naked, as I am to - _oh."_

Kalei is in a fit of giggles. "You're such an alien sometimes. I love that I actually understand that now."

"You people have sex in showers?" Quill asks, amazed. "No wonder you never get anything done."

"Is that a no, then?"

"I didn't say that," Quill says hastily, getting to her feet. "It's just not a use that I'd considered before."

"I'll do my best to make your first time fun," Kalei tells her, taking off her glasses and putting them on the coffee table, before taking Quill by the hand and pulling her towards the bathroom. Kalei gets the water running before slipping out of the jeans and then the Star Wars shirt, leaving herself clad in only underwear because she hadn't bothered with a bra.

Quill strips off in the meantime, until they are both completely naked.

Kalei pulls Quill into the shower, and the comforting spray of hot water pounds against Quill's skin.

"You know, I used to hate these things," Quill says, as she tilts her head back to let the spray of water wet her hair. "My people bathed in rivers and lakes. The Rhodia had these big communal baths. But there was nothing like this. It took a long time to get used to, this mechanical rain."

Kalei laughs and loops her arms around Quill's waist from behind, kissing her shoulder blade. "I suppose there's a lot to get used to. And understand."

"Some of it is easy enough if you do enough reading - Charles is just lazy. Some other things are difficult. Just what are that Kardashian clan actually skilled at? I've never been able to work it out."

This time it is just giggles that escape Kalei. "I...don't have an answer for that, Andy. There isn't one."

"Well, that's helpful," Quill says dryly, turning around. "What am I going to do with you?"

Kalei shrugs, expression coy and mischievous. "Whatever you want."

Quill smirks. "Well, in that case." She kisses Kalei firmly, her hands pulling Kalei flush against her, gripping her hips tight. When she pulls away, she can't help but frown. "Your hair. It's all...gone. Not big anymore."

"It's flat from the water," Kalei laughs. "It wasn't going to stay its normal shape when it's wet."

"I suppose not." Quill shrugs. "Ah well. Not important. As I recall, I believe I was about to have my way with you-"

"Wait," Kalei says. "First, let me wash your hair."

"Why on Earth would I let you you do that?" Quill asks, and after a moment's thought, grins. "I have a better idea. _I'll_ wash my hair, _and_ yours."

"Oh?"

"Well yeah, you're going to be a little busy. That talented tongue of yours, you know."

Kalei cocks an eyebrow, amused. "Yeah?"

Quill leans in to whisper in her ear. "Be a good girl and get on your knees, Jacobs, and I'll wash your hair for you."

Kalei barely has time to nod before Quill's hands are pushing down on her shoulders, forcing her to her knees - except it's not forcing because Kalei drops willingly. Her lips trail down Quill's body as she goes, and when her knees meet the tiled floor, she sets about kissing all over Quill's lower abdomen, her hands sliding over Quill's hips.

When Kalei looks up, drinking in the sight of Quill above her, her eyes are soft with an adoration that staggers Quill. Every touch of Kalei's fingertips and brush of her mouth feels like worship, and no one before Kalei has ever, ever treated her like a precious thing to be gentle with. Her people had admired her and praised her, but not a single one, not even the one who loved her, had looked at her like this.

And before now, before her slavery, before Earth, she would never have wanted them to.

But now, now it strikes up warmth in her heart, to look down and see Kalei so readily on her knees, worshipping every inch of skin she can reach with her mouth and fingers. Well, except where Quill really wants her.

"By all means, go slowly enough that we drown in here before I even come close to getting off," Quill says as she reaches for the shampoo bottle and squirts some into her hand so she can lather it into her hair.

Kalei's finger slips inside her, and Quill bites her lip, eyes falling shut for a moment. She keeps her hands up on her head, continuing to lather until she is satisfied and can put her head under the water to rinse it off. Once she's got conditioner in her hair, she gets the shampoo again, and she lathers it into Kalei's hair this time, just as Kalei's mouth joins her finger and a sweep of her tongue has Quill gripping Kalei's hair tightly.

It takes a bit of careful maneuvring to keep shampoo, and then conditioner, out of Kalei's eyes, especially when Quill's brain is only functioning at about half capacity, but she manages it. Really she should just be grateful that Kalei's hair is only a couple of inches longer than Quill's own even when flat and wet. 

"Thank you," Kalei says against Quill's skin when the hair washing is done, and Quill can barely hear her over the sound of the water.

"You know how to show your gratitude," Quill replies, and Kalei chuckles.

Kalei's pace has mostly been slow and steady until now, just letting the pleasure simmer, but now she slips another finger into Quill, who lets out a tiny moan and finds herself leaning against the tiled shower wall.

Considering that she used to hate showers, it's rather amusing to think how much that opinion has changed. At home, the shower is a place of blissful solitude where Charles absolutely can't bother her, the scalding water beating on her skin and letting her sink into the only hedonistic pleasure she allows herself.

Well, it _used_ to be the only hedonistic thing she indulged in. Now she's acquired another, and today combined the two. And oh, it is _glorious_. The water isn't quite as hot as she has it at home, but it still relaxes her body and mind, and everything feels so damn good, because Kalei's mouth is soft and sweet against her clit, and Kalei's fingers are stroking inside her expertly.

"Oh my god," Quill murmurs. She can feel Kalei smile.

Quill lets her eyes fall shut and the warm sensations fill her, building and building in her chest, until she's gasping and clutching at Kalei's hair tightly, but not enough to hurt.

Her orgasm comes with soft curses falling from her tongue, and Kalei holds Quill's trembling thighs tightly as she rides it out. Quill takes in deep breaths, her fingers loosening in Kalei's hair to stroke it gently.

"Alright, I'll concede; sex in showers is an excellent idea," Quill says, and pulls Kalei to her feet so that she can kiss her.

"I thought you might like it."

"And now, I think I'll return the favour. What do you want? Slow, gentle, hard, fast?"

Kalei's eyes are dark as she licks her lips. "Hard and fast."

Quill smirks. "Thought so, but thought I'd check." She spins Kalei around so that Kalei is against the shower wall with her back to Quill, and the blonde sucks her way along Kalei's neck and shoulders while her hands reach around to cup Kalei's breasts roughly.

One of her hands trails down the curve of Kalei's arse, slipping down further until it reaches the warm wet between her legs.

"Ooh, you really do like getting me off, don't you?" Quill asks, mouth at her ear.

"I like how it feels, making someone as powerful as you feel like that," Kalei says.

Quill can understand that appeal. And it's handy, because it means Kalei is almost always ready for whatever Quill is eager to do.

Which, in this case, means sliding two fingers inside Kalei and wasting no time in moving them at a pace that has Kalei gasping. It's one of Quill's favourite sounds. Quill knows she'll never tire of hearing it, of finding new places that draw new noises from this maddening, wonderful woman.

Quill continues pressing urgent kisses to the back of Kalei's neck, need coursing through her veins, the need to take Kalei and make her _hers._ Her fingers push faster and harder and Kalei's hips move with them, as best they can with Quill's hard grip holding her in place.

"More," Kalei murmurs. "Please."

A rush of pleasure goes through Quill's body at the 'please.' She never tires of hearing Kalei say that. (When she eventually gets Kalei in handcuffs, oh the many times she will drag that word out of her.)

"You want more?" Quill's mouth is at Kalei's ear, her teeth tugging on the earlobe. "Ask me again."

"Please."

"Good girl." Kalei shudders a little under her hands, confirming something Quill has wondered for a while. "Hmm, you like it when I call you that, don't you?" Kalei manages to nod. "Why? Loads of people think highly of you, no one thinks you have a bad bone in your body. You being good isn't anything new."

" _Now?_ You want to dissect my turn-ons _now_?"

"Yes."

"Well, okay, I - I guess it's that our society - well, _my_ society. Would have me think that - that doing this sort of thing-"

"What sort of thing?"

"Well, being a woman and enjoying - uh, getting fucked," Kalei says, her voice quiet and laboured. "There's still an idea. That we shouldn't. So to - to do this, and be called a _good_ girl-"

"Ah, it's that defiance again," Quill says, chuckling. She slips a third finger into Kalei and relishes the moan that she is granted. "There we are. That's what you wanted, isn't it?" She picks up her pace now, impatient and wanting to see Kalei come undone.

It doesn't take long for Kalei to be shaking ever so slightly in her arms, so close to release.

"That's it. Good girl," Quill whispers.

That's all it takes. Kalei's legs give out on her as she cries out, and Quill holds her up, keeping her fingers moving until Kalei is still again. They stay there, Quill gently leaning against Kalei, who is leaning against the shower wall, both of them breathing together.

"It seems we have something else in common," Quill says, wryly, and Kalei laughs weakly.

"It seems we do." She turns around to kiss Quill. "I think it might be time for us to actually wash and get out of the shower now. We'll end up starving at the rate we're going."

"Oh yeah, we were getting clean, so we could venture outside for food," Quill recalls. It seems so far away. She always gets so caught up in the moment with Kalei.

"That was the idea."

They probably do have a little too much fun with the shower gel and washing each other's bodies then, but they manage to avoid getting completely carried away.

Once they're done, Kalei shuts off the water, and they get out of the shower, drying themselves. Once in Kalei's bedroom, Quill just pulls on the clothes she was wearing before she got in the shower, along with her coat and shoes. Kalei does the same, but she also pulls a fluffy purple jumper over her head. Then Kalei takes a few minutes to attempt to dry her hair, at least partially.

"Alright, let's go, I'm starving. Which makes no sense, since I've eaten a fair bit today-" She meets Quill's eye and the blonde smirks, making Kalei's cheeks darken. "Shut up. That's not what I meant."

"I didn't say anything," Quill says with amusement, striding out of the room. "Come on then. Oh, and don't forget your glasses."

Kalei follows her out of the apartment after putting on said glasses, locking the door behind her. "I'm surprised at how many jokes you actually get, given you've only been here a few months."

"Like I said, I do a lot of reading. It's Charles who causes us trouble, with his absolutely abysmal assimilation ability. You would not _believe_ the week I've had, dealing with the near calamity his boyfriend brought on us with his posting too much about Charles on the Information Superhighway."

"Sorry, the what?"

"You know, the internet."

"Oh," Kalei says, laughing, "So wait, sorry, _what_ happened?"

"It was his - what do you call it? - Instagram account. He kept posting pictures and videos of his 'alien boyfriend,' inaccurate alien emoji and all. And, unsurprisingly, Charlie's cluelessness was genuine enough that it attracted attention."

"From who?"

"They're called UNIT. It stands for Unified Intelligence Taskforce, and they're a para-military intelligence group. They deal with aliens on Earth."

"Oh. That's vaguely reassuring to know that we have that," Kalei says, with surprise. "Wait, they're some para-military intelligence group and they...somehow ended up worried about the Instagram of a teenage boy?"

"Don't ask me," Quill replies, shaking her head. "You really would think they' have bigger priorities. But anyway, it meant they dug into Charlie's history and mine, then found that our histories hardly pass as extremely convincing if you already have a reason to be suspicious. Thankfully, since I'd started trying to hack UNIT as a way of distracting myself from the fact that I'd colossally fucked up with you, I managed to find out two days in advance that they were going to be doing a little inspection under the guise of something more innocuous."

Kalei stares at Quill, not even looking away as she presses the buttons on the elevator. "What happened?"

"Well, I was all for fleeing the country, but Matteusz came up with an alternative plan to diffuse the situation, and somehow it actually worked," Quill says, shrugging.

"Well, I'm glad you didn't end up fleeing the country," Kalei tells her, nudging her with her shoulder.

Quill sighs. "Yeah, well, at the time it sounded pretty appealing compared to the near torture of having to pass you in the hallways - of course, if we had _actually_ fled to France, that would have meant no make-up sex or handcuffs, so I suppose I should be grateful."

"I should send Matteusz flowers."

"I think that might clue him in on this...whatever this is."

Quill has to wince slightly, all too aware of how Kalei had asked for a label the night before, if Quill could give one. She's not sure she can - humans have too many different words for these sorts of things, over-complicating everything as per usual, and even amongst all of those available options, none of the words are ones she likes.

Why do they need a word anyway? What business is it to the world around them what she and Kalei are to each other?

Thankfully, although she can see in Kalei's eyes that the maths teacher knows more or less exactly what Quill's thinking, she says nothing about it.

"What about _anonymous_ flowers?" Kalei asks instead.

"Frankly, even just the flowers are too much of a clue with you," Quill mutters. "They're not _complete_ idiots, you know. All they'd need is a reason to associate the two of us, and they might actually work it out. Miss Adeola already has."

"Wait, Tanya knows about us?"

"Yeah, she tried to have a go at me in your defence, because she saw the connection between both of our dismal moods and the explosion in the chemistry lab. Irritatingly perceptive, that one."

"Do you think she'll tell anyone?"

"I don't know." Quill eyes Kalei curiously. "At this point, how much do we care?"

"If it gets out, we'll need to have something to tell everybody," Kalei says. "Like I say, I'm fine with us not having a label, but when other people get curious, we can't just say, 'I dunno, we're screwing almost constantly, but there's a lot more to it than-'"

The elevator pings open partway through that last sentence, and Kalei's words die out when she sees the elderly couple standing in front of them. The old woman looks disgusted and her husband rather scandalised.

Kalei is frozen, and so Quill does the only thing that seems sensible. She loops her arms around Kalei's shoulders, while staring the elderly couple down with her most fearsome, 'I'm sorry, did you have something you wanted to say? _'_ look, making it an obvious move of possession and defiance.

And then Quill marches herself and Kalei out of the elevator, chin held high.

"Were they unimpressed for the reasons I think?"

"Probably," Kalei says. "I didn't mean to let it get to me - it just took me by surprise. I'm normally good with dealing with bigoted old people."

"We all have our off days," Quill mutters. Kalei goes quiet for a bit, and then lets out a tiny giggle. "What?" When she glances at Kalei, the brunette's cheeks are still dark.

"You still have your arm around me."

Quill frowns. "Yeah, so?"

"Nothing. It's...nice."

"Oh." Quill can't help the tiny snort that escapes her. "You're not going to get all sappy and sentimental on me, are you?"

Kalei grins up at her. "I'm pretty sure we _have_ been getting sappy and sentimental, Andy. It's hardly a new development."

"Yes, but now we're in public, there's no call for it."

"Well, you're the one that put your arm around me."

"I can just as easily remove it."

"But you won't. I think you like it just as much as I do."

"...shut up, Jacobs. Smugness isn't a good look on you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *resists the urge to make a cold shower joke*
> 
> I hope you guys liked it! Thanks so much for reading, please let me know what you thought! 
> 
> (Oh, also, shout out to FernDavant both for letting me reference her fic, and for coming on board as my second beta. She works wonders with my awkward sentences and many other things.)


	16. Happy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalei learns about the Cabinet of Souls, Quill gets a call from Charlie while she's drunk, and Kalei sings to Ariana Grande like the dork she is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bit with the Ariana Grande and the lap dance is entirely down to answerstobefound. I don't know if I'm blaming her or thanking her, but yeah. All her doing.

They get to the shops, buy curry and vodka, and head back to Kalei’s. Quill’s not had curry before, so Kalei insisted they buy no less than four different types for her to try, since apparently they work perfectly as leftovers anyway.

“Wait, so I never asked,” Kalei says as her gaze catches on a bush of pink flowers. “What was the deal with those flower petals? Did it have something to do with why you were so upset when you turned up here yesterday?”

“Oh,” Quill says, having happily forgotten about that for a short time. Was it really only yesterday that all that happened? “Yeah. We were being invaded. But it got….sorted out.”

“Invaded by flower petals?”

“They were multiplying exponentially and eating people, Kalei. It was probably on the news. But, like I said, we dealt with it. Or rather, April MacLean did, in her own special way.”

“April? But how - nevermind. Why were you upset?”

Quill takes a deep breath. “Charles’ people have a religious relic called the Cabinet of Souls. When his people die, that’s where their souls go. But life is energy, it’s power. It’s not just a relic, it’s a weapon. One capable of wiping out an entire species, an entire planet.”

“Yikes,” Kalei says. “That’s not good.”

“Not good?” Quill turns to look at her with disbelief. “Kalei, it’s my only hope. The only way I could possibly get revenge on the Shadowkin, revenge on those who made me the last of my kind and Charles the last of his.”

“...oh,” Kalei breathes, looking at her sadly, indecision rampant in her eyes. “I see. You want to use it on them.”

“I do, which Charles of course knew, which is why he lied to me as well as the Shadowkin about it being empty, about how the religion was a fairytale. And I actually believed him, the conniving little shit,” Quill says, the venom rising in her again, “but yesterday I found out the truth. He’d lied to me, the only other person who could possibly understand what he-”

She bites down on the words, because they’re not quite right. She and Charlie don’t understand each other. They should have a shared sorrow, but they don’t, because they are simply too different. Two opposing moralities and cultures stuck circling each other.

Quill has a bag full of plastic containers of curry hanging off one arm, and Kalei has a bag with a bottle of vodka hanging off one of hers, but that still makes it easy for Kalei to reach out and take Quill’s hand to give it a squeeze.

Quill remains unsure of handholding as a practice, but the physical touch is nice, so she allows it.

“He’s the only one that can use it; it has to be a Rhodian. The Headmistress wanted him to use it to get rid of the petals. I wanted him to use it to kill the Shadowkin. He did neither, because April got rid of the petals, and so he didn’t have to do anything.” Quill bites her lip. “But they - he and his boyfriend - called me heartless for wanting to use it, said Charlie would be a monster if he did.”

“It’s hardly heartless when the reason you want to use it is because of how strongly you feel for your people,” Kalei says. “Though that doesn’t mean I can agree with your wanting to do so. It’s still genocide.”

“Oh, who _cares_?” Quill says with frustration.

“Me,” Kalei retorts, “and apparently Charlie, and what, Matteusz? They’re not entirely wrong, Andy; revenge isn’t a good enough reason for genocide.”

Quill stares at her, knowing she should have expected this but feeling betrayed all the same. “It’s the only thing left I can do for my people. I gave my whole life, everything I had, to fighting for them, and now they’re just _gone_! The people I fought with and cared about and watched die so that others could live freely, the people that never got to know freedom before they were slaughtered, even though they spent their whole lives fighting in hope for it! The only thing left I can do, the only way I can fight at all, is to force Charles to avenge both our peoples and kill their murderers!”

Quill is breathless and furious and distraught, and for several moments there is silence between them as Kalei gathers her response.

“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind,” Kalei tells her softly. Quill snatches her hand back, scowling.

“Don’t you dare try and hit me with some kind of sentimental idiom-”

“Revenge isn’t a good enough reason.”

“Alright, then how about this one?” Quill tells Kalei, coming to a stop to face her straight on, her whole body quivering with anger. “The Shadowkin are determined to go to war with the rest of the universe. If not destroyed, they will go on to slaughter thousands of other worlds, billions of other people, trillions. It’s not just revenge, it’s preventing _anyone else_ from having to feel the way that Charles and I do right now.”

Kalei swallows. “There,” she says, voice quiet, eyes steady but sad. “Now _that’s_ a good reason. Though, that does sound like you’re generalising an entire species. Surely they can’t _all_ be bad.”

“They all follow the orders of their king, who has a telepathic hold on them,” Quill says, voice flat. “So yes, they can.”

“Oh. Okay.”  

Quill scowls. “It doesn’t matter anyway. He won’t use it, because it would burn out the souls of his people to do it. He says he’ll be alone and lost, like he hasn’t got friends and that boyfriend. Ridiculous. He’s worried about losing everything while I already _have_ lost everything. I wanted to hit him all over again.”

“Again?”

A tiny, proud laugh escapes her. “Yeah. I hit him yesterday. Even with the blinding agony that ensued, it was worth it.”

Kalei looks completely unsure of what to think about that or say in response. Fair enough. Between the questionable morals of hitting a student who is also a slavemaster, and the concern over Quill enduring pain that was almost self-inflicted, she doesn’t have a good response.

“I had to get involved in all this alien drama,” she says, shaking her head. “I couldn’t have lusted after someone human and normal.”

“It would have certainly caused you less stress,” Quill replies as they enter Kalei’s apartment building and head for the lift.

“Maybe, but they wouldn’t have been you,” Kalei points out, giving Quill a small smile, “and where would the fun be in that?”

* * *

 

They eat curry and watch _Star Wars: Episode VII_. Quill likes Rey and Finn the best. She admires Finn's ability to see the flaws in the oppressive regime he was a part of and break out of their conditioning. He reminds her a bit of Charlie, or rather, what Charlie could have been as opposed to what he is. Kylo Ren, meanwhile, is a traitor she wants to strangle.

Afterwards, the two start on the vodka.

“Alright, we’re going to make this a game where we guess each other’s favourite things, and drink when we get it wrong.”

It’s a good game. Quill manages to correctly guess that Kalei’s favourite colour is purple, while Kalei wavers between red and black for Quill, but finally settles on black, which is also correct. Things get a bit trickier after that, because Quill doesn’t know most movies and books, and they have to settle for things like favourite Hunger Games character in a few places. But there’s also food and students and clothing and any number of things to talk about.

It isn’t very long, all things considered, before the bottle is almost empty, and both Quill and Kalei are rather drunk. It would seem Rhodian constitutions don’t have any significant difference in alcohol tolerance.

“You’re so pretty,” Kalei says. They are sitting on Kalei’s bed and laughing at nothing in particular. She climbs into Quill’s lap and loops her arm around her neck. “You know the first thing I thought when I saw you was _oh shit_ because you were so hot?”

Quill just snorts, her arms looping around Kalei’s waist automatically. “You’re ridiculous.”

“You like me ridiculous,” Kalei giggles, and nuzzles her nose. “Oh god I haven’t been this drunk in a while. It’s great.”

“It’s…. certainly something,” Quill murmurs, very distracted by Kalei’s lips and unable to see any alternative course of action to taking her bottom one between her teeth.

They kiss eagerly, with a little too much teeth and tongue because Kalei can’t stop smiling.

But of course, that’s when Quill’s phone rings. She breaks the kiss to groan with frustration, but to be fair she should count herself lucky that it’s taken Charlie this long to call her.

“Don’t,” Kalei complains as Quill goes to answer it.

“No choice, don’t want my head to hurt,” Quill says as she puts the phone to her ear. “Hellooo, royal highness of being a pain in my-” After dragging out the final syllable of the greeting for fun, she trails off to giggle when Kalei nudges her nose. “Backside. My backside. You bother it. Hm.”

“Quill?” Charlie sounds alarmed, and confused. “What’s wrong with… your voice?”

“I dunno, Prince Poncey, what’s wrong with yours?” Quill retorts, her words slurring just a little bit.

“I’m serious, Quill, what’s wrong with your voice? You sound… odd.”

“This is the sound of contentment, Charles,” Quill says, making Kalei smile and start kissing lightly down her neck. “I know the idea of me experiencing the slightest happy moment is repellent to you, but yesterday was trying for all of us, so you can give me this, surely? Just roll with it, okay?”

“Are you… drunk?” Charlie asks, appalled. “Or are you - have you been using that Tinder thing again?”

“One out of two. I am most certainly drunk,” Quill says proudly, “but I have not yet lowered myself to an app for companionship. But if that’s your way of asking if I’ve been indulging in sexual gratification with a pretty human then, yes, I have. I’ve been well fed, well fucked, and am now happily inebriated.”

“Dear god,” Charlie sounds so disgusted that it brings Quill a fierce pleasure. “You’re meant to protect me, and instead you’re off drinking and having sex with god knows who. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t command you to come back here, right now.”

“If you do, I’ll make your life a living hell,” Quill promises. “Don’t think I won’t find a way, a loophole around any command you give me. I’ll trash the house, exert every power over you at school I possibly can, I’ll tell you and your pretty boyfriend every sordid detail of every sexual act I’ve participated in over the last 24 hours, and believe me, there have been _a lot-_ ”

The other end of the line goes dead. He’s hung up.

“So this is what victory feels like,” Quill says, throwing the phone aside and grabbing Kalei’s face to pull her down for a celebratory kiss.

“You wouldn’t _really_ tell him everything we’ve been doing, would you?” Kalei asks.

Quill has to snort. “Goddess, no. What we do is between us. But nothing would mentally scar him more, and so it makes the perfect threat. It would never occur to him that I have a shred of moral decency.”

“It’s our little secret,” Kalei says before kissing her again.

* * *

 

Kalei learns, the next morning, that Quill has never had pancakes. She is horrified and insists on dragging Quill out of bed and into the kitchen, so that she can rectify the situation _immediately._ Quill grumbles and sits at the dining table looking at pictures of cats, while Kalei starts putting ingredients in the bowl.

Kalei’s got the radio on and is quietly singing along to the songs that come on, which Quill finds vaguely amusing.

A new song comes on and Kalei starts dancing to it a bit as she cracks eggs, much to Quill’s amusement.

“ _Ooh baby look what you started, the temperature’s rising in here, is this gonna happen? Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move,”_ Kalei sings, a little louder than the previous songs. _“Before I make a move_.”

Quill snorts and goes back to looking at cats. Mostly.

“ _So baby come light me up, and maybe I’ll let you on it, a little bit dangerous, but baby that’s how I want it,”_ Kalei continues, making Quill look up again, “ _a little less conversation and a little more touch-my-body.”_

She’s met Quill’s eyes by this point, and Quill can only cock an eyebrow, wondering if it’s an invitation. But then Kalei clutches her chest, makes an exaggerated face and pose and sings louder.

“ _Because I’m so into you, into you, into you!”_

“You know, I think you just might be sillier than my class of fifteen year olds,” Quill says, bemused.

Kalei just grins and sings through another verse and chorus happily enough, continuing to stir the pancake mix and prepare a frying pan as she dances along. Quill can’t look away. It’s absurd but also somehow endearing, which might just be proof of Earth finally making Quill go a little soft. But if she’s only soft for one person, that’s tolerable, perhaps.

The bridge involves even more emphatic dancing from Kalei, whose hair has fallen in her eyes, but this has apparently not yet bothered her.

But as it finishes, she leaves the kitchen and approaches Quill, still singing as the chorus starts up again.

“ _A little bit dangerous, but baby that’s how I want it,”_ Kalei sings, eyes locked with Quill who feels her mouth go a little dry. She crooks her finger in a come-hither motion at Kalei, who grins and comes closer. _“A little less conversation and a little more touch-my-body, because I’m so into you, into you, into you-”_

She slides into Quill’s lap, straddling her and peeling off her shirt to leave Quill with an expanse of brown skin to feast her eyes on, the white lace of Kalei’s bra a stunning contrast.

“ _Got everyone watching us, so baby let’s keep it secret,”_ Kalei sings, her thumb brushing across Quill’s lips. Her eyes darken when Quill’s tongue darts out to wet it. _“A little bit scandalous, so baby don’t let them see it_ . _A little less conversation and a little more touch-my-body_ -”

She stumbles on the next part because Quill’s hands slide up her smooth torso, one of them roughly cupping her breast through the thin lace of her bra.

 _“So come light me up, so come and light me up my baby,”_ Kalei manages to keep singing, and Quill tries to kiss her to shut her up, only for Kalei to move her head out of the way so she can keep singing. “ _Little dangerous, a little dangerous my baby-_ ” She’s grinning at Quill now, having far too much fun and looking far too smug.

“What’s dangerous is _teasing_ me, Jacobs,” Quill says, trying to kiss her again, only for Kalei to keep avoiding it, intent on continuing to sing. So Quill kisses down her neck instead, letting out a groan against her skin when Kalei rolls her hips against hers.

Kalei feels so good under Quill’s hands and mouth. She always does.

And finally, finally, the damn song is finished. Now she can get what she -

Kalei swings off her lap, grasping her fallen shirt with her toes and flicking it up into her hand so that she can pull it back on as she goes back to the kitchen.

“Wait, what are you doing?” Quill asks, confused, panicking.

She is so flummoxed that by the time she realises what is happening and that she needs to _grab_ Kalei, she’s out of her reach. Out of her reach and grinning so fucking smugly that Quill can only stare at her. She knows her outrage, her indignation at being left high and dry, must be all over her face.

“Alright, now you’re in for it,” Quill promises, and Kalei just smirks. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t come over there _right_ now and make you regret ever, ever teasing me?”

“Pancakes,” Kalei says simply, with calm defiance, as she starts pouring the batter into the sizzling pan. She starts singing along to the next song without a care in the world (something about a body like an hourglass and a booty like a Cadillac - humans always do come up with such ridiculous comparisons).

“You’re going to pay for this,” Quill says, narrowing her eyes and pointing her phone at her to emphasise her point. “You should be very, very afraid.”

Kalei blinks at her innocently. “Should I?”

Quill gets out of the chair, eyebrows up, a disbelieving smirk tugging at her lips. “I led an army. I was the most wanted person on my home planet,” she says as she moves towards the kitchen, “and now I’m the most feared teacher at Coal Hill School.”

“I know, bit of a step down, isn’t it?” Kalei retorts.

Every time that Quill thinks she can’t be more blindsided by Kalei’s nerve, she is wrong. “I know a dozen ways to kill you instantly, without breaking a sweat.”

Kalei lifts a single eyebrow. “Threats don’t really work if I know you’re not going to follow through. You can’t scare me.”

“How dare you! I’m _terrifying_ ,” Quill seethes.

“Yes, you are,” Kalei says simply. “I’ve seen that. But right now, not to me.”

Quill feels very put out, and frowns at her. “Why not?”

To her utter bemusement, Kalei bursts into laughter, covering her mouth. “Oh my god, I’m sorry, but your confused face is literally the funniest and most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.”

“I’m not adorable, I am _war itself_!” Quill shouts.

Kalei bites her lip, looking vaguely apologetic. “And you’re wearing my cat jumper. My very fluffy, tacky cat jumper.”

Quill looks down. “Ah.”

“Sorry.”

“I can still hurt you, even when I’m wearing this.”

“Can, but won’t.”

Quill squares her shoulders, gathers up the demeanour of intimidation that got her the command back on Rhodia, and takes a step towards Kalei, who - much to her delight - gulps.

“You might be right about that,” she says, voice low, “but that doesn’t mean I can’t make you regret teasing me. There are numerous forms of torture, not all of them unacceptable. The moment I get you in cuffs, I’m cuffing you to that bed and making you beg me for mercy. For hours.”

Kalei swallows, eyes darkening, and then smiles. “It’s a date.”

Quill stares at her. She has no idea what to say, but her chest feels oddly warm. With _feelings_. Exasperatedly fond affection, to be quite specific about it.

Kissing her seems like the only acceptable thing to do about it. Kalei laughs against her mouth and kisses her back until the smell of burning pancake makes them break apart.

Even if she has to go home to Charlie at the end of this, and possibly tomorrow face what will certainly be mortal peril in order to get her freedom back, Quill is sure that today is going to be a good day. Either the first of many, or also the last.

Either way, it’s as close to happy as she’ll ever be able to get with the arn still in her head. Or maybe, just maybe… it’s hope.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're so dumb, I love them. 
> 
> For the record, I've hit an issue with the fic timeline (thank god for FernDavant for noticing and pointing it out) around chapter 18, so I have to write a new chapter 18 and 19, and while I'm pretty hopeful about getting them done in time, there is a slight chance they won't be bc of uni and work, so if there is an update delay at some point around chapters 18/19, that's why. (Fingers crossed it'll be fine, like I say, I'm hopeful.)


	17. Shopping (and Labels)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill is exposed to the world of retail, which is... an experience for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit where it's due: 
> 
> \- charlottiser on Tumblr for the thing about the photobooth, as originally conceived here:  
> http://charlottiser.tumblr.com/post/154126619691/name-one-good-thing-to-come-out-of-2016
> 
> \- crystalsoulslayer for the original idea of Quill's transcript (aka, one of my favourite things in this entire fic that I had FAR too much fun expanding on whoops)

"No."

"Yes."

"No. No! I have _no_ interest in venturing outside into the world of annoying little humans, not even for pretty shoes," Quill says adamantly through a mouthful of pancakes.

Kalei raises an eyebrow at her over her glass of juice. "Quill, we can't spend the entirety of our time together holed up in my apartment."

"Why not?"

"Because we can't."

"I _like_ your apartment," Quill tells her, taking another overly large bite and making Kalei lament her lack of table manners. "It has a cat and no annoying teenagers. And you."

Kalei is torn between extreme exasperation and being flattered. "Andy. Come on."

Quill gives her a long-suffering look. "You're going to try and force me, aren't you?" Kalei nods. "Do you really think you're going to win?" Another nod. "Hmm. Let me guess. You'll say you're leaving no matter what and that my choice is to stay here with the cat or go with you?"

Kalei grins. "I actually hadn't quite decided what I was going to do, but that'll work."

"And if I decide to stay?"

"I don't think you will. You'll get bored. And you like me too much."

Quill snorts, a sceptical grin on her face. "Oh, do I? You're being awfully presumptuous there, Miss Jacobs."

Kalei grins back. "Of course. Silly me for getting the wrong idea; god forbid you be known to _like_ anyone."

"Exactly. I have a reputation to maintain, you know. Cold bitch, remember?"

"I do, but I've always thought you were pretty hot," Kalei says, with a shit-eating grin.

Quill groans and buries her face in her hands, while Kalei just laughs. "That was terrible."

"I know."

"I can't believe I'm willingly-" Quill stops short, unsurprisingly uncertain of what word to use to describe what it is they do together, what it is between them.

Kalei's grin only gets larger. "Consorting with such a massive dork?"

Quill points her fork in Kalei's direction. "I like that word. Consorting. It makes this sound like an inadvisable, steamy caper that would make tongues wag should word get out."

"Isn't that _exactly_ what this is?"

"Precisely."

* * *

 

Kalei's car is as small and comfortable as ever. Quill, now in a dark jumper and the jeans she arrived in underneath her coat, settles herself in the passenger seat, while Kalei checks the rearview mirror.

"I don't suppose this is a good time to remind you what happened last time you took me to a haven of human capitalism?" Quill asks, making Kalei stop dead and bite her lip.

"Oh shit," she says. "I forgot about that. We don't _have_ to-"

"No, it's fine," Quill mutters. "I just thought I'd mention it. As a warning. You might need to...keep me anchored."

Kalei glances over at her as she starts reversing the car. "...is this a really convoluted Quill way of asking if I'll hold your hand?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Quill snaps, flushing a little. "You know how I feel about hand-holding."

"Yes, but you were also fine with it yesterday, so I'm getting mixed signals here."

"I'm not asking for anything specific; I'm just reminding you that some aspects of human culture still make me vastly uncomfortable."

Kalei is frowning. "Well, I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

" _You_ don't. And like you say, I can't spend my entire life in your apartment," Quill says, staring resolutely at the road ahead of them and the cars zooming past the other way. "I have to work to overcome my weaknesses. A warrior must adapt. A soldier must be able to survive and fight on any terrain."

"That's a good way of thinking of it."

They fall into a comfortable silence that is broken by Kalei turning on the radio and switching it onto the classical station.

"Don't."

"What?"

"I appreciate you trying to accommodate me again, but I want to hear what you'd listen to if I wasn't here." When Kalei gives her a questioning look, Quill just shrugs and says, "Call it curiosity."

"Alright," Kalei says, switching it back to a station that is playing some pop song that she starts instantly mouthing the words to. Quill watches her with amusement.

But then the song changes, to a song that Quill is fairly sure is rap. The lyrics are remarkably explicit, but somehow Kalei knows _every single one,_ because she's rapping along with it, grinning through the words as her eyes remain on the road in front of her.

"How do you _know_ all of this?" Quill asks, amazed. "And what the hell are these lyrics? I only understand what half of them mean!"

"The beauty of rap music," Kalei laughs, before jumping back into the song. A minute later she flashes Quill a large grin. "This is the best bit."

"Okay," Quill says slowly.

Kalei has switched from just automatically rapping along, to doing so with gusto. " _You could be the king but watch the queen conquer! Okay first things first I'll eat your brains, then I'mma start rocking gold teeth and fangs-"_

It just keeps going. With increasingly bizarre lyrics that are so _not Kalei_ and yet - there she is, rapping her heart out. Quill has no words. She's not entirely sure she's not on some kind of acid trip. Whatever an acid trip is.

It finally ends with, " _Now look at what you saw, this is what you live for, ah, I'm a motherfucking monster!"_ Once the words are out of her mouth, Kalei looks over at her, grinning proudly.

"I'm sorry, what the hell just happened?" Quill asks her, utterly bewildered.

"Best rap verse in history. Iconic. I love her so much."

"Sorry, who? This Nicki person?"

"The one and only."

"She seems... interesting."

That makes Kalei laugh. "That's one word for it. See, she's a fantastic example of how our society likes to demonise women who are loud, demanding, and sexual, yet unapologetic about it. They make her out to be some dumb… some dumb slut - _god_ , I hate that word, I'm never saying it again - when she actually encourages education and fair treatment and female independence and all this amazing stuff."

"Huh," Quill says, vaguely interested. "Hang on, female independence? As opposed to?"

"Well, you know, we're still only about a hundred years out from a time when a woman was basically owned by her husband," Kalei says. "Surely you must know that."

"I mean, I remember reading stuff about women having less rights, but it sounded so stupid that I just kind of... glossed over it," Quill replies, frowning. " _Owned by her husband_? Are you serious?"

"Yep."

"Your species might actually be worse than the Rhodia. Their ownership might be worse, but yours seems to encompass anyone who, what, wasn't a light skinned male?"

"Welcome to Earth," Kalei laughs, but there's no humour to it this time. She's gripping the steering wheel a little tighter. "Your war was against a government. Ours is against everyone around us and their shitty opinions, and we've been fighting it for decades."

"But you've won by now, haven't you? You have equal rights now?"

"The problems are more implicit now, mostly," Kalei explains, "but that's a long and unpleasant conversation that will only get Feminist Kalei all riled up, and I want to have a nice, easy Sunday. So, we'll have it another time."

"I don't know, I quite like the sound of you getting all riled up, ready to yell about injustice and go and take it down," Quill says, eyes flicking over her with appreciation.

Kalei laughs. "Of course you do. Like I say, another time. Soon. But not today."

"I'll be holding you to that."

After parking, they stand outside the entrance to the shopping centre, Quill already feeling a knot of unease in her stomach about being surrounded by so many humans she has no control over.

"You're sure this is okay?" Kalei asks.

"Like I said, I have to learn to adapt," Quill says, squaring herself. "A warrior who can't leave her comfort zone is no warrior at all."

"Well, my hand is here if you want it. Or need it."

"I don't want it," she is quick to say, "but...there is a slight chance of the latter."

Quill wants to vomit almost the moment she walks inside, but it's more out of detestation for the culture in general than any kind of emotional discomfort, so she's counting that as progress.

"So, where to first?"

Kalei leads the way, and it strikes Quill that this is the first time in far too long that she's followed someone else of her own volition. It's funny, the little things that can take her so completely by surprise.

"Okay, I have a question," Quill asks, as they pass several stores.

"I'm only just realising how many times I can expect to hear that phrase today," Kalei says with a good-natured laugh, "since you really won't have been exposed to our capitalism on this level, huh?"

"Not remotely."

"Your question, then?"

"These people in the perfume ads are all very attractive and well posed," Quill says, looking back at a poster of a well muscled man stretched out over a table, with his jeans unbuttoned, "but what exactly is the purpose of them? It doesn't tell me anything about how it smells, and isn't that the whole point?"

Kalei laughs again, a look on her face close to pity, but not. "Ah. Yeah, that would be our ridiculous culture of 'sex sells.'"

"Sells what - oh. God, you people are ridiculous."

"I already knew that, but it's becoming even more obvious when I have to try and explain these things to you, because frankly, I don't have decent answers."

"Good, you should realise how ridiculous your species is."

They end up in one of many clothing stores, and Quill has to wonder what sets them all apart from each other, why Kalei has mumbled about some being rubbish and others being the absolute best.

"If you are dragging me in here to buy even more floral dresses, I may need to stage an intervention," Quill says to Kalei, but to her relief, Kalei is looking at shirts.

"You should take a look too. This isn't just for me," Kalei tells her, and Quill reluctantly leaves her side to take a look around. Some of the clothes are decent, she supposes. And she's not gone shopping since her initial arrival on Earth. It could be nice to have a few new things to wear.

"Can I help you at all?" An overly chirpy sales assistant asks Quill, making her jump a mile and come very close to punching the girl in the face.

"I'm perfectly capable of finding my own clothes, thank you," Quill replies, scowling at her.

The assistant's smile becomes a little more forced but doesn't waver. Weird. "Alright, well, just let me know if you run into any trouble."

Kalei decides she doesn't want anything in the store, and Quill hasn't seen anything that has explicitly taken her fancy, so they move onto the next shop. And the next. It isn't long before Quill detects a pattern.

"Kalei, I think these sales assistants might be robots," Quill says to Kalei quietly, as the maths teacher browses a rack of skirts.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"They smile too much. It's not normal. And that's coming from someone who hangs around _you_. They smile even when I insult them, all seem to have some kind of pre-programmed speech, and their eyes are completely dead inside. Robots."

"Not robots, just retail workers," Kalei chuckles. "Poor things. The stuff they have to put up with. Like you, being your usual grumpy self. And a thousand people who are so much worse."

"Are you sure?" Quill asks dubiously, eyeing one passing a few metres away. "It seems like something sinister is afoot."

"Yes, capitalism and women in their late thirties who demand to speak to the manager. In short, retail. And before you ask, I know because I used to be one of them. I worked in a clothing shop while I was in university."

"Oh. You're _positive_ they're not robots?"

"Yes, Andy."

"...alright. I suppose I'll trust your superior knowledge here."

Kalei finds a few things she wants to try on and takes them to a changing room, leaving Quill to wait outside the cubicle. She checks her phone and is relieved to find it free of any texts from Charlie. There's one from Matteusz, asking if she'll be home tonight. She replies with a simple 'yes' and puts the phone back in her pocket.

Kalei comes out to show off the first dress, which is wonderfully devoid of flowers. It suits her, and Quill tells her as much, but the blonde has used up most of her patience by the time Kalei goes back into the cubicle to try the next piece.

After about a minute, Quill strides forward and pokes her head through the curtain, making Kalei yelp with surprise.

"Quill, get out, I'm getting changed!"

Quill looks at her oddly. "Why? I've seen you _naked_ , what do you care if I see you in your underwear?"

Kalei has that look of fond exasperation back on her face. It's becoming very familiar to Quill. "You might have, but no one else in this store has, and I'd like to keep it that way."

"Hm. Fair point. Can I come in?"

"No, you can wait. Patience is good for you."

"There's a time and a place for patience, Kalei, and I'm only capable of it when it will result in a truly significant strategic advantage-"

"You can tell me this from the other side of the curtain," Kalei tells her, pushing her out.

"Charming. I feel very appreciated."

"Pft. Don't take it so personally. Sometimes a girl just needs to try clothes on in peace."

"If you wanted peace, you shouldn't have brought me."

When she gets no answer, Quill huffs and goes back out onto the shop floor, to find some clothes to try on for herself, to pass the time. She goes into the cubicle next to Kalei and starts trying things on. The leather trousers are nice, and although she already has a pair at home, she thinks she might get this second pair.

She also finds a corset top that she tries on, and she ends up admiring herself in the mirror.

"Quill, are you - _oh_." Kalei has poked her head through the curtain and is now staring at Quill. "Um. Wow."

Quill has to smirk. "Is that a tone of approval?"

"You could say that," Kalei says weakly.

"So, you think I should buy it?" Quill puts on her more coy voice, widening her eyes with a kind of mock innocence.

Kalei shakes her head. "You're the worst." She pulls Quill in for a kiss before the blonde can respond, and Quill happily kisses her back, pressing her against the cubicle wall.

"You like it," Quill breathes. "You didn't go after me for my sparkling personality."

"You're right, it definitely started out with your arse, and legs," Kalei chuckles against her mouth, "but then you yelled at Agnew, and I knew I was a goner."

"Oh so _that's_ when it was-"

" _Ahem_."

They break apart to see a very unamused sales assistant tapping her foot at them. Kalei turns beet red and wiggles out of Quill's grip, mumbling an apology and pulling out her phone so that she doesn't have to look the assistant in the eye.

Quill has no such qualms and just holds her gaze defiantly. "Problem?"

"Not anymore," the sales assistant replies, shaking her head and heading back out into the store.

Quill rolls her eyes and goes to try on the next shirt. It's a pretty blouse that she quite fancies. There's just….one problem. Quill tries to deal with it to the best of her ability, but it's fruitless and she has to resign herself to asking for help.

"Kalei."

"Yeah?"

"I'm… I'm stuck." She knows she could just tear the fabric to get free, and has been immensely tempted to do so because she _hates_ physical confinement (handcuffs in a controlled environment excepted). But she also knows that it would probably be a bad move and result in Kalei's disapproval.

She hates how much she craves Kalei's approval these days. But oh, she does.

She can't even see Kalei come into her cubicle because the shirt is over her face, but she can hear her laughing sympathetically.

"Oh dear," Kalei says, "you've really managed to get yourself in a tangle."

"It wasn't my fault! It has all these layers, and some holes in the sleeves that I mistook for - well, I don't know what I mistook them for, actually, but they confused me immensely and clearly my attempt at improvisation has backfired."

"I'd say."

"Please stop laughing at me."

"I'm sorry, I just. The leader of a revolutionary army, defeated by a blouse."

"Look, either help me or don't, but if you're not going to, then please go away and let me try and deal with this."

"Don't be ridiculous, of course I'm going to help," Kalei says, and Quill feels her hands skimming up her waist and grabbing at the fabric.

It takes a far amount of tugging, and some less than helpful giggling on Kalei's part at Quill's increasingly vocal frustration, but finally the damned garment is over Quill's head and in Kalei's hand.

"Oh, thank god," Quill says. "Can we burn that thing?"

"It belongs to the store, so unless you want to pay for it and then burn it, no."

"Hm. Fine. We'll leave it. But if it strangles someone because we don't, that is on you," Quill tells her seriously, making Kalei laugh again.

"Shut up and put your shirt back on." 

Quill cocks an eyebrow. "Now that's an unfortunate sentence, if I've ever heard one." Kalei shakes her head but does take a nice long look at Quill in her lacy black bra, before kissing her on the cheek and withdrawing from the cubicle.

They both purchase several items. Kalei is almost done when a screeching noise rings through the air and Quill whirls around to find the source of it, instinctively spreading her arms behind her to shield Kalei from whatever the atrocity is.

"What the hell is that?" She shouts.

"Quill, it's just the theft detector, it's fine," Kalei says, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Some of the items are tagged so people can't steal them. Look, that teenager accidentally went to walk out with something."

Quill looks to where she is pointing and sees a very embarrassed teenager apologising profusely to one of the shop workers.

"Oh," Quill says, willing her heart to return to normal speed. "I see."

Kalei laughs and puts her arm through Quill's in order to gently pull her from the shop. "Did you try and protect me from the big scary beeping noise?"

"I thought we might be under attack," Quill says through gritted teeth. "Excuse me for valuing your life."

She's still laughing, but she leans up on her toes to kiss Quill quickly before they continue to walk. "I think I might enjoy having a scary warrior for a - um. Well. You know."

"Significant pain in your backside?"

"Not quite what I was going for, but sure, let's go with that." Kalei is quiet for a moment. "That was kind of weird. Doing that in public."

"I know what you mean. The changing room was one thing, but there are so many people around us now. Are we keeping this a secret? We could run into any number of our pupils or coworkers here."

"Is there a reason we _should_ keep it a secret? I'm not ashamed-"

"And neither am I," Quill is quick to say, "but you never know what is going to have consequences. The moment people find out about this, they can interfere. Meddle. I don't like the idea of anyone trying to do that."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

Quill snorts. "Someone could try to use you against me. Or his royal highness could throw a tantrum and forbid me from seeing you ever again."

Kalei comes to a stop. "Would he really do that?"

"I wouldn't be surprised," Quill says grimly, with a tiny sigh. "I'd probably just find a way to irritate or bully him into changing his mind, but if he really wanted to, he has that power."

"But he knows you're sleeping with _someone_ , so surely he could give you a broader command against that if he really had an issue with it."

"Hmm. True."

"How about we just continue as we are," Kalei suggests, "and not worry about keeping it secret, but not flaunting it either. Let people work it out for themselves. And by then, we might have more or an idea of if there's a label we want to put on it or not."

"Works for me."

"Even if Charlie finds out and tells you to stay away from me?"

"Let him try," Quill says darkly.

They find the nearest Starbucks and get their coffees - which aren't as good as the ones from the place near Coal Hill, but still very decent, and unlike Kalei, Quill isn't that fussy when it comes to her coffee anyway.

"So, no major disasters yet," Kalei says. "You even bought some clothes."

Quill frowns at her. "You realise you're just _asking_ for something to go wrong now that you've said that, don't you?"

Kalei shrugs, and it's cuter than it has any right to be - and Quill wants to punch herself in the face for thinking such a thing. _You're going soft, Andra'ath._

By the time they leave Starbucks, Kalei is promising Quill amazing high heels at a shoe shop some distance away. So they weave through the truly disgusting number of people - Kalei tells her every time she complains that the place isn't as remotely busy as it is during winter holidays, which is a terrifying thing to learn - on their way there.

Until Kalei is distracted by something.

"Ooh," Kalei begins, turning to Quill, mischief in her as she bites her lip. "Can you promise to say yes to what I'm about to ask you to do?"

Quill narrows her eyes. "Right, and _that_ isn't the most suspicious thing I've ever heard. I know a trap when I hear or see one, Kalei."

"Please?" Kalei looks at her with those big brown eyes, biting her lower lip, and Quill starts to consider agreeing until she adds, very coyly, "I'll find a way to… make it up to you."

The snort escapes Quill before she can think about stopping it. "Oh please, you did _not_ just use a line from far too many pornographic films on me."

Kalei's cheeks darken. "Shit, I was hoping you wouldn't - wait, you've been watching porn?"

"It's vital for me to understand as many aspects of human culture as possible," Quill says, shrugging. "You're all so obsessed with sex, I could hardly leave it out. Though, now that we're on the subject of pornography, I actually have a lot of questions-"

Kalei claps her hands over Quill's mouth. "Shh, we're in middle of a shopping centre!" Despite the reprimand, she is laughing. "And you have zero volume regulation."

"Why does that - oh, right, you lot get weird about sexuality in public, don't you?" Quill says, voice muffled by Kalei's hand. "Fine, the questions can wait." The hand is removed. "Now, what did you want me to do?"

"Over here," Kalei says, dragging Quill to a bizarre little box thing with 'photobooth' printed on the side.

"What is this?" Quill asks warily as Kalei pushes her through the curtains and inside. "I don't adhere to your ridiculous photograph and selfie culture, Kalei-"

"It's just a bit of fun, Andy," Kalei tells her, sitting down on the small bench and dragging a very reluctant Quill down with her. "I think it would be nice for us to have something to remember this weekend by."

"What, all that sex wasn't enough?"

Kalei gives her a tiny whack on the arm. "Shush. This is our first time really venturing out into the world together. It'll be nice to have some photos. Besides, they're fun to take."

Kalei puts some coins in the slot in front of them and hits a few buttons on the screen, while Quill sits back and folds her arms.

"Come on, we have to pose," Kalei tells her, looping her arm around Quill's shoulders and poking her tongue out at the camera like an idiot. Quill rolls her eyes at the same time the camera flashes.

The next face Kalei pulls is even more ridiculous and it takes all of Quill's control not to smile at the fact that out of all the people who could capture her interest, and vice versa, it would be this absurd, wonderful woman.

Kalei kisses her cheek for the third picture, and Quill does her best to look unimpressed.

For the fourth, Quill decides to take charge, and kisses Kalei soundly before she can pull any more silly faces. The flash goes off, and Quill doesn't break away until a good fifteen seconds afterwards.

Kalei is out of breath when she does, and tries and fails to look annoyed with Quill, who just smirks at her and gets out of the booth. Kalei follows and scoops up the two strips of photos that have come out.

"Your face," Kalei says, snorting as she looks at them. "I should be annoyed, but I can't be. I can see you trying not to smile there, it's adorable."

"Call me adorable one more time," Quill threatens.

"Or what?" Kalei has stepped closer, eyes alight with amusement.

"You know exactly what. Begging for mercy. For hours."

"Promises, promises," Kalei says, fluttering her eyes at Quill. "Anyway, you can keep this copy. One each." She holds one of the strips of paper out, and Quill considers it, before taking it and putting it safely away in her breast coat pocket. "Now come on. I lured you here with talk of shoes, and I don't intend to be a liar."

To say that Quill has fun with the shoes would be an understatement. She finds no less than five new pairs of stilettos that she is more taken with than she has been with a single actual person in her life.

And yet, somehow, she is at the counter before Kalei, who is trying to decide between two pairs of boots.

"Oh, do hurry up, Kalei. You know my being bored is dangerous," Quill says, now carrying enough shopping bags that they could serve as weapons. (Would she be able to get away with hitting someone with them? Hard to know.)

Kalei finally picks a pair and goes to pay for them, with Quill standing behind her, huffing indignantly. While Kalei talks to the cashier, Quill notices that her bra strap has fallen down, and pushes it back up for her. Kalei's hair tickles the back of her hand as she does so, and Quill finds herself winding one of the curls around her finger for something to do while she waits.

"You happy there, Andy?" Kalei asks, with amusement.

"Relatively speaking." She looks up to see both Kalei and the cashier watching her. "What?"

"Nothing," the cashier says with a grin. "My girlfriend does that when she's bored too." Quill arches an eyebrow at him, while Kalei blushes as she takes her shopping bag.

"What can you do, eh?" Kalei says. "She's a handful, but I kind of like her. Sometimes."

"Hey!" Quill says, offended. "I'm supposed to be the one making disparaging remarks, thank you."

"I know, but your affronted face is so funny," Kalei tells her with a grin.

The cashier laughs. "You guys are cute. How long have you been together?"

Kalei falters. "Uh-"

Quill, however, smirks. "Oh, I don't know, it feels like just last week."

Kalei elbows her in the side, but Quill manages to not wince.

" _Anyway_ ," Kalei is quick to say, "thank you, and have a lovely rest of your day."

He smiles. "You too."

They leave the shop, and the brief pleasure Quill gained from her sarcastic remarks fades to leave discomfort as the sole thing remaining in her chest. Kalei's gone quiet too. The silence isn't exactly tense, but it isn't quite comfortable either.

"He called us girlfriends," Quill says after about thirty seconds, because surely it's exactly what they're both thinking.

"Yes, he did," Kalei says, slowly. "As far as looking for a label goes, it's the most obvious, and possibly the most apt."

"Hmm." Quill is unconvinced. "I dunno. It just seems like a silly word. Silly and human and pointless. Who _cares_ what people call their relationships?"

" _I_ care, because it's not silly _or_ pointless," Kalei says, more fiercely than Quill could possibly have expected. "Because ten years ago, he wouldn't have said that. Fifteen years ago, I would have killed to have someone make that assumption about me and my girlfriend, but we didn't hold hands or kiss in public because we didn't feel safe doing so. Being able to use that word? That's a privilege we've gained thanks to decades of fighting for the right to be allowed to exist in peace. So if you don't want to use that word, then that's fine, but please don't make it out to be unimportant."

Quill stares at her for several moments, just taking in her earnest, passionate eyes, and the way she's just a tiny bit out of breath from getting all the words out of her with such conviction.

Then she drops her shopping bags on the ground, strides forward, and tilts Kalei's head back to kiss her breathless, without even a thought for the dozens of people all around them.

"After a speech like that, how could I?" Quill says quietly, holding Kalei's gaze with her eyes as well as her face, in her hands. "I wouldn't dream of belittling the cause of the soldiers who fought that war for their people. For your people."

"Our people," Kalei says. "You're in with the rest of us raging queers, whether you like it or not."

"Raging queers?" Quill snorts. "What a wonderfully ridiculous phrase."

Kalei laughs, only to go quiet and turn pink when she glances around them. "People are staring at us. And you should probably pick your shopping bags up before somebody steals them."

"Let them stare. They're probably thinking what a good looking pair we make," Quill says, shrugging. "And if they're not, then they can go fuck themselves."

When Quill does let go of her, and picks the shopping back up so that they can continue on their way, she can't help but notice that quite a few of the people around them are smiling at them. It makes Quill incredibly uncomfortable.

"What?" She asks them harshly, scowling. "Haven't you all got shopping to do?"

A lot of them seem surprised, and then sheepish. Others look disgruntled. She doesn't care; she just wants to get out into the open air again. As she walks towards the exit with a renewed pace, Kalei does her best to follow.

"What is it with your species and voyeurism?" Quill asks, once Kalei is back at her side and they're on their way back to the car.

"I thought it was nice that they seemed happy for us," Kalei says quietly.

"Yeah, well, I couldn't care less what complete strangers think, and neither should you," Quill tells her, with a roll of her eyes.

Kalei doesn't seem to have an answer for that, and so they get to the car, dump the shopping, and climb inside without speaking a single word to each other. Once inside, though, the mild tension melts away.

"So, I was thinking leftover curry for dinner-"

"Not today, Kalei."

"What - oh."

Quill sighs as she turns and takes in the disappointment and worry on Kalei's face. "I - I need you to take me... home."

The word feels ever so slightly wrong. A home should be a place of safety. A haven, a shelter from one's enemies. Yet, Quill lives with hers. Her owner, her enslaver, the prince whose morality is so skewed he can't even see it, thanks to his infuriating sense of self-righteousness. Her room, perhaps, feels like her own space. Maybe even a safe one. But that's it.

Kalei's apartment is safe. Realising that she thinks that makes her whole body shudder. So much has changed since Kalei first brought her that coffee. And while she wouldn't alter any of it, it's a lot to take in.

"Okay," Kalei says softly. "Are you sure?"

"I can't avoid him forever. I am his slave and protector." The bitterness practically drips from her lips.

"Yeah, I know," Kalei murmurs, gripping the wheel with white knuckles as she pulls out of the car park. "I just… I hate that. I hate all of this, that I can't _do_ anything to free you. That I have to just give you back to him." She winces. "That sounds weird. Ignore how I phrased that. You're not a possession to be passed around."

"No, I'm a burden, to him at least," Quill says. "That's the real kicker. He doesn't even want me. He's as stuck with me as I am with him. That's why I can get away with these weekends, because sometimes he likes to pretend our arrangement doesn't exist, just as much as I do."

"Jeez," Kalei mumbles. "Okay, so where am I going?"

"My house. We clarified this."

"Yes, but I don't know where that is, Andy. I don't know your address."

"...oh. Right."

Quill gives it to her, and they drive in comfortable silence, without the radio on. It only takes ten minutes to get to Quill's, and Kalei pulls up outside.

"Thank you," Quill says, and she means for a lot more than just the ride home, but doesn't say so. The rest of it, the _for being understanding, for forgiving me, for listening to me, for giving me the fight I needed, for helping me put my trust in you enough to do that_ , it passes between them silently as Quill meets her eyes.

"Remember you can call me any time," Kalei tells her. "And I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Naturally," Quill answers. "Oh, and the girlfriend thing. I'll think about it."

"Oh," Kalei says, looking like she is holding back a much larger smile.

Quill leans across to kiss her. "No promises, though. The word might not be silly, but I'm still not sure I can stand having it attached to me."

"That's fair," Kalei replies.

"See you tomorrow," Quill says, before getting out of the car and fetching her shopping bags to take inside. She is barely through the door before the two teenage boys are scrambling down the stairs to meet her – though not, of course, with the joy that most people on this planet tend to do so.

"You're back," says Matteusz. "With….shopping."

"So you finally decided to take a break from intoxication and sleeping around to find time for your actual responsibilities?" Charlie asks.

Oh, how Quill wants to smack him. "My responsibilities?" She laughs without humour. "Oh, you mean, the things I'm forced to do, because I'm a slave with no real free will?"

"You're done a pretty impressive job of manipulating your way around that supposed lack of free will, since you weren't here at all yesterday."

"Yes," Quill says, with false sweetness, "and I suspect that has more to do with your boyfriend's small amount of sympathy for me, than with anything else. You and I both know that if you wanted to, you could find your way around my threats. Command me not to do any of those things. It would be difficult and tedious, but ultimately, you would win. Because I have no choice but to obey."

Her voice is quiet now. But it's also venomous and resentful, full of the loathing that the weekend has kept in the back of her mind, in favour of more pleasant things, but that is now returning with a fury.

"But as it is, you either have the smallest shred of respect for my personal privacy, or your boyfriend has enough of the same to keep you in check," she continues. "Now, if you could get out of my way."

Charlie doesn't move. "Where were you?"

"My god, you're not even paying attention to your own boyfriend now," Quill says, rolling her eyes and holding up the bags hanging off her arms. "Shopping."

"Before that," Charlie says flatly.

"Somewhere blissfully devoid of teenagers," Quill says, "or, for all it matters, anything nefarious at all."

"You just like it better than home because it's away from us," Matteusz guesses. "Away from Charlie."

"Oh look, he _does_ have a brain," Quill says with feigned surprise. It's a bit unfair because she knows he's much smarter than he looks, but she's in a bad mood now and just wants away from the both of them.

"I have a right to know what you've been up to; you're my responsibility," Charlie says, with annoyance.

"You _know exactly_ what I've been up to, because I told you when I was inebriated," Quill reminds him, and relishes how he winces. "Would you like me to report _all_ my exploits from now on? I could do that. I could record them, then e-mail it to myself, and type up a transcript, just so all the details of my personal life would be searchable for your convenience. Now, for posterity, would you like me to just write 'orgasm noises' in brackets or do you want me to do my best to describe them phonetically? Because that's going to take a lot longer-"

Matteusz covers his face with his hand while Charlie splutters.

"No, I don't want a _sex transcript_ from you," he says, horrified.

"Well, then aside from a video recording, I honestly don't know what you want from me. You really seem to be overestimating how varied my activities have been this weekend," Quill says, pushing past him so that she can get to her room.

"You can't have just been...having sex...for the entire weekend!" Charlie shouts after her.

"See, actually, I can, because those of us without your type of anatomy don't have a refractory period, so it's quite possible to just keep going and going and going." Quill grins and licks her lips. "My god, the noises she would make by the time I got to the third round without a second's reprieve-"

"Matteusz, help me," Charlie says to his boyfriend, who is trying to smother his chuckle.

"How?" he asks. "She has many good points."

"You're supposed to be on my side!"

"I am, always, but this is stupid argument. She should be allowed to go out and spend time with other people without being interrogated by you after."

"See, Matteusz agrees," Quill says. "So, may I retire to my room now, oh great prince?"

Charlie looks between them, before his shoulders slump with defeat. "Fine."

She does a very sarcastic, and very clumsy, half curtsy - they're difficult, even without shopping bags hanging off one's arms - before going into her room and dumping the bags on the floor.

She locks the door and rests her forehead against the wood, letting out a tiny sigh of relief. As she does so, and she feels herself leave the bubble of contentment that tends to come with Kalei's presence, the words she's been keeping from entering the foreground of her mind finally slip in. The sentence that, as much as it would be much safer for her to ignore, offers more hope than anything Kalei Jacobs has ever said to her.

 _Come and see me on Monday about getting that thing out of your head_.

There's been no reason to dwell on Dorothea's offer, because it's not a decision, it's not even a question. If the Headmistress can be trusted, which is a very big if, then tomorrow, or a day very soon, she will get the arn out of her head or die trying.

It's all within her grasp. Freedom. Destroying the Shadowkin. Kalei. It's possible for her to have it all. There's just one problem.

She doesn't believe it's going to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, we're getting very close to angst territory. (Originally, we would have plunged into it next chapter, but my timeline adjustments mean you get two more chapters of fluff/smut - and more Sally and Dorothea - before we get to that mess.) 
> 
> Thanks for reading, please let me know what you thought! (Do you want a gf who would fight a theft detector for you? I think we all do, really.)


	18. Teasing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill gets a warning from Dorothea that bothers her, but she still manages to have fun with Kalei, much to Sally's disapproval.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, when I realised a week ago that I needed to write completely new chapters for 18 and 19 to go before the existing ones I had, I panicked a bit (and FernDavant felt bad for pointing out the timeline issue). But I've done it (mostly, chapter 19 is ALMOST done) and I'm really really happy with the result/improvement to the fic. 
> 
> So, I hope you guys like it! 
> 
> (Finally, time for some more Quill and Sally interaction.)

Quill bursts into Dorothea's office first thing Monday morning. Or rather, she tries and fails. The door is locked, and she can't even see in because the windows in the door seem to be blacked out. When she tries to press her ear to the door, she can hear nothing.

Quill settles for knocking on the door impatiently, harder and harder until, oddly, the windows suddenly fade back to their usual transparent glass. All at once, she can hear and see Dorothea through the door. Unsurprisingly, when the brunette opens it, she gives Quill a scolding look, albeit one that is either fond or amused, or both.

"My dear Miss Quill, I'll have you know that patience is a virtue," she says, smiling in that _I know better than you_ way of hers that Quill finds so irritating. She steps back to let Quill come inside.

"Yeah, well, you can stick your virtues up your-"

"I was just in a brief conference call with a few of the board members," Dorothea says lightly, as continually unfazed by Quill's threats as ever. "So many things to discuss."

"So, you really can get this thing out of my head?" Quill asks.

"Yes, but there is a great capacity for things to go wrong. When I said risk, I meant it. You're far more likely to die than you are to get the arn out."

"Well, no shit," Quill can't help but retort. "It's almost like trying to remove something that is designed to kill me if I try to do so is going to be dangerous."

"But you'd still rather take the risk?"

"The alternative is being a slave to that spoiled brat, and I'm almost as likely to die protecting him from the next thing to come out of that tear, as I am to be assaulted on the street, since I'm unable to defend myself."

"Yes, I believe your exact words in the face of your potential destruction, along with this world's, were _the life I'm currently living doesn't make me weep at the prospect_ ," Dorothea recalls with an air of interest.

Quill feels uncomfortable and puts her hands in her coat pockets. "Yeah, what of it?"

"I was just wondering what Miss Jacobs would think of that," the brunette says innocently, "or, indeed, of all of this. How much does she know?"

"Why should I tell you?"

"Because it's my job to know who has what information. I'll find out one way or another, but this is by far the easiest and most pleasant way for all parties involved."

"…she knows everything of importance about me and Charles," Quill says reluctantly, after a few seconds of hesitation, "…except for this."

"So the two of you _have_ reconciled, then?" Dorothea says, smiling.

"Seriously, how can you possibly-"

Dorothea waves a dismissive hand. "It's really not important, my dear. Please, just answer the question."

"Yes, we have," Quill says, having to practically drag the words from her throat, "but what does it matter what she knows about this?"

"Well, at the moment, my estimations are that we'll be ready to embark on our mission to remove the arn by Thursday. Given that you'll be risking certain death, you may wish to give her some advance warning."

"And why the hell would I want to do that?" Quill asks.

Dorothea gives her an almost pitying look. "My dear Miss Quill, you owe at least that much to her if you're about to go off and risk your life. She deserves to know that you're going to be putting yourself in danger and that you might not be coming back."

Quill finds herself getting defensive. "Hey, you can't go judging me for this, alright? I've never been close with anyone who wasn't a fellow soldier. It always went without saying that we might never come back, that we would be putting ourselves into danger. We never had to tell anyone-"

"And now, perhaps, you do."

"Wait, but she's going to get all... upset," Quill realises, groaning. "Or she might try and talk me out of it, which will be the most pointless conversation of our entire relationship. This is going to be a trainwreck; I won't do it. Telling her will only make everything worse, so I won't."

"Worse for you, perhaps," Dorothea says primly, "but not knowing beforehand will certainly be worse for her if you perish in the attempt."

"Yeah, well, life's hard and sometimes people you care about die," Quill replies, voice flat. "She's a grown woman; she can handle it."

"Will you at least tell her on the day? So that she's at least a _little_ prepared for your possible death?"

"I'll think about it." Something else occurs to Quill, something she had meant to ask upon first getting inside the office. "What did you do to black out the door? You had some kind of soundproofing too."

"Oh, yes," Dorothea says, proudly. "I like to be able to give myself complete privacy, should I need it. Mostly I use it for conference calls with the board, but I've always thought it could come in handy in the case of an actual emergency as well. An excellent hiding spot in the case of invasion, for example."

"You really do think you've thought of everything, don't you?"

"That's my job, Miss Quill," Dorothea points out, before nodding towards her desk. "The switch for the door is just on the underside of this edge, right here. In case you should ever need to use it."

"If I have the arn out of my head, I'll never need to hide from an enemy again," Quill retorts. "Now is there anything else we need to discuss, or can I leave you to your preparations?"

"That's all for now. And don't forget about parent's evening on Wednesday!"

* * *

Kalei finds her at lunchtime and has coffee for both of them with her. It's reminiscent of the beginning of their friendship and flirtation, except now Kalei strides into her classroom with complete confidence. It's a good look on her, but Quill almost misses all the blushing. Though, that's still easily accomplished.

"Have I mentioned that I _really_ like you?" Quill asks as she takes the coffee and has a sip. It's even better than she remembers.

"I seem to distinctly remember you trying to deny it, yesterday," Kalei says with a grin.

"Oh, yeah," Quill murmurs. "So much for that."

Kalei's eyes are warm and fond as she regards Quill. "You're cute when you realise you're admitting to not being a cold bitch."

Quill thinks over what Dorothea had been saying earlier, about how her death could affect Kalei. Telling Kalei what she's going to do isn't an option, but perhaps there is something she could do. Something that would at least help, in the very likely event something does go wrong.

"Kalei, I know we said that we weren't going to worry about keeping this a secret, but could we hold off on that? Just until, I don't know, the end of the week?"

Kalei pauses with her cup at her mouth. "Is everything alright?" Concern flashes across her face. "Is it Charlie you're worried about? What did he say yesterday?"

"Oh, just the usual intrusive, ignorant nonsense," Quill mutters. "I dealt with it. But, uh, yes, I'm a little worried about how Charles might react to learning about our relationship, and I'd rather have a little more time to determine how I'm going to handle the situation."

"Alright," Kalei says, smiling, "no rush. It is still very new, in a lot of ways, even if it doesn't feel like it. I only first brought you coffee, what? A little over two weeks ago. We didn't even kiss until a few days after that, and then we fell right into bed together, without really thinking about it."

"I think we fell into this _whole thing_ without really thinking about it," Quill says, making a face. "I think I had it in my head that I wanted someone to actually pay attention to me, and then I realised I wanted very much to fuck you silly, and somewhere along the way, it became… more than that."

"I guess we got a _little_ carried away," Kalei says, eyes shining. She bumps her leg against Quill's knee playfully.

Quill gives her a sheepish smile. "Or possibly a lot."

That makes Kalei laugh loudly. "Or a lot. Yeah. That's more like it."

They end up just sitting there, smiling at each other, until Quill realises her heart is being all fluttery and weird. She breaks eye contact to drink more of her coffee and is relieved to feel her heart mostly calm down.

All the same, she glances down at her chest, half worried she'll see something strange. _No more of that, whatever that was_ , she says to it sternly.

"You alright?" Kalei asks.

 _Not knowing beforehand will certainly be worse for her._ Dorothea's voice rings in her head and Quill frowns and ignores it. She's making the right decision. Telling Kalei about the suicide mission would accomplish nothing except making them both miserable for four days. If she only has four days left with Kalei, she wants to enjoy them.

Quill swallows a heavy sigh and instead puts her elbow on her desk so that she can rest her chin in her hand and regard Kalei more comfortably.

"What are you doing?" Kalei asks, adjusting her glasses nervously.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm looking at you."

"Why?"

Quill snorts. "This might come as a shock, but I happen to rather enjoy most aspects of your appearance. Even with your lack of quills taken into account."

Kalei grins and shakes her head in that 'you're ridiculous' sort of way, but she can't disguise the colour in her cheeks. Her hair can only hide so much, and it's tied in little bunchy pigtails today, one under each ear.

"Is this your way of telling me that I look nice today?" Kalei guesses.

"Well, you'd look nicer on my lap, but since we're trying to be subtle about all this."

Kalei chokes on her coffee and laughs the moment she recovers, grabbing a tissue from the box on Quill's desk to clean her chin. "That's _much_ closer to what I was expecting, and yet, you still manage to catch me off guard."

"Well, there's a reason you're a fighter but not a soldier, so we'll let it slide."

"Yeah, I'd look terrible in uniform," Kalei says, grinning. "Hang on, did people call you _ma'am_? Or was it something like _Captain_?"

"Closer to 'commander', but there's no exact translation," Quill replies. "Why?"

Kalei bites her lip. "It's… kind of hot. I keep forgetting how much of a badass you are because I've not really seen you in action, but you must be… really something. Really amazing."

"I'm war itself," Quill tells her softly, lips curling in a small smile. Her left hand reaches out to brush against Kalei's leg, making her shift slightly.

"What happened to _we're trying to be subtle about this_?" Kalei asks.

"Subtle is boring." Quill knows she sounds petulant, and far too much like the teenage prince she so despises, but she can't help it.

"You'll manage."

Quill keeps trailing her fingers up Kalei's leg. "Or, we could make up for the fact that we didn't actually have sex yesterday."

"Of course we - oh. Huh."

"I recall you half undressing, grinding on my lap, then leaving me high and dry and laughing at me," Quill says, relishing how Kalei seems to shiver as Quill's fingers slip above the hem of her skirt and above her knee.

"Quill, stop. We're at school and the door is open - anyone could see."

"So?"

Kalei pushes Quill's hand away, flushing. "So, this isn't appropriate, and I actually value my professionalism."

What is it with humans and getting so worried about who knows that they're having sex, or with whom? Sure, Kalei might be right that they don't want anyone to know about their relationship just yet, so that's a good reason for them to not do this out in the open, but Quill suspects Kalei would be making the same refusal, even if the whole school knew about them.

Which just doesn't make a lot of sense. This classroom is private enough, surely. Who cares if there's a window?

"What does your having sex with me during your lunch hour have to do with your professionalism?"

"Because it would be at school."

"So? It's not like the classroom is currently being used by students, so it's hardly distracting from their learning. We could lock the door, and move out of sight of the windows."

Kalei looks at her with disbelief. "There's outside windows too."

"I once had sex in the middle of a battlefield, in celebration of our victory," Quill tells her, rolling her eyes. "My soldiers were all around us, but did we care? No. They had their own things to be doing, and I had mine. Hell, sometimes they'd even offer some tips."

An odd groan escapes Kalei, and she rubs the bridge of her nose. "Is this your way of telling me that you're an exhibitionist? Because no matter the circumstances, my answer will be _no-_ "

"A what?" Quill asks, frowning at her.

Kalei shakes her head. "Nevermind. Just… do you, uh, get off on being watched?"

Quill can't help her laugh. "Sorry, what? Why the hell would I get off on that?"

"You just said-"

"Kalei, I don't get off on it, I just don't care. It's as simple as that. If someone sees me having sex, that's their problem, and I've clearly got other things to be concerning myself with."

"'Other things' here meaning me or your boyfriend back on Rhodia."

"Exactly."

Kalei covers her face with her hand. "You're such an alien. I'm having sex with a hopeless, incorrigible alien with no concept of appropriate places to make sexual advances. How did this happen?"

"Coffee," Quill replies. "But you're _not_ having sex with me, not right this second, and I'd like to rectify that. There must be a lockable cupboard somewhere in this school-"

Kalei stares at her. "Andy, I'm not having sex in this school, lockable cupboard or otherwise."

"Oh, come on, seriously?"

"Yes, seriously. This isn't up for discussion."

Quill bites her lip and decides to try another tactic. She knows that Kalei likes her voice, and so she stands up and leans against the desk so that they're shoulder to shoulder. She only needs to turn her head a fraction to have her mouth almost at Kalei's ear.

"Well, in that case, I'll just have to make sure you know exactly what I have planned for when you do let me touch you," she murmurs, and grins when she feels Kalei shiver. "You've been a right little tease, you know. I'm going to have to punish you for that."

Kalei, to her credit, keeps her gaze steady and focused on the blackboard opposite her. But Quill can see how she takes a shaky breath and how her grip on the desk is a little too tight.

"You know, I really don't need handcuffs to pin you down and take you so slowly that you start begging," Quill says, in that lower register that she knows will make Kalei squirm. It does.

"You really don't like not getting your way, huh?" Kalei manages to say, but her voice lacks the bravado her words need.

"Well, I'm only a slave. I can't imagine why," Quill mutters under her breath, but Kalei doesn't seem to be listening, she's… on her phone? "What are you doing?"

"Calling for backup, before you have me throwing all my inhibitions to the wind and letting you ravage me in a cupboard somewhere," Kalei replies. "Sally? Can you come to Quill's classroom? Now? Wonderful. Thank you."

She hangs up and smiles at Quill, who is busy regarding her with great distaste.

"Why did you have to bring the biology teacher into this?"

"She's my backup," Kalei says, smiling.

"You're only making things worse for yourself," Quill says, trying to sound like she isn't extremely annoyed. "It's only going to be more agonising when I do get my hands on you."

Kalei leans in so closely that Quill feels her breath on her cheek when she exhales, "I look forward to it."

It's all Quill can do to not throw her across the desk and have her way with her right there, professionalism, and bizarre human concerns about sexual propriety, be damned.

Instead she just glares at Kalei, who is smirking. Oh, how she wants to kiss away that smirk, kiss her until she's gasping for air and regretting her teasing.

Almost like she can read Quill's mind - or perhaps it's just obvious on her face - Kalei moves away from the desk and beams when Sally appears in the doorway.

"Hey," she says.

"Hey," Sally replies, a little warily. Her eyes flick between them. "So...what's going on? Do you need me to hit her? Because I will."

"Oh yeah? Bring it on, pint size," Quill says, arching an eyebrow.

"No," Kalei laughs. "I meant what I said last night when I called you, I don't need you to hit her, just to save me."

"Save you?"

Kalei can't keep the fondness off of her face when she gives Quill an exasperated look. "She's incorrigible and has no apparent boundaries when it comes to the workplace, and she knows that her voice _does things_ to me, so she was-"

"Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, this is already too much information," Sally groans. "I don't want to know. I really don't. If you're happy, then I'm happy, but I don't want to know about whatever weird sex shit you guys are getting up to."

"Are you sure? I'd be happy to provide a transcript," Quill replies.

"Andy," Kalei says, rolling her eyes.

Quill blinks at her, eyes wide with false innocence. "Yes? Just trying to be of any help."

Sally looks less impressed than even Quill tends to be by default of anything around her. Which is really quite a feat. "Thousands of possible romantic partners of varying gender and temperament, and this is who you decide to go for, Kalei? _Really_?"

"Hey," Quill says, frowning at her. "As opposed to what, exactly?"

"I don't know, someone who actually knows what it means to be nice, maybe, and doesn't verbally abuse her students and fellow staff members? That would be a good start."

"Aw, and maybe while she's at it, she could find someone who rides around on a unicorn, shitting rainbows and giving out flowers and baked goods to any student who looks like they might be having a bad day," Quill says, with mock sweetness.

Sally looks like she wants to punch Quill. She almost definitely _does_ want to punch her. Quill thinks it would be hilarious to see her try.

"It's seriously concerning that you think being nice is at the same level of unrealistic as unicorns."

"She's just kidding, Sally," Kalei says, shaking her head.

"No, I'm not," Quill replies.

"Shut up."

"Make me." Her smirk is a challenge and Kalei's eyes spark, her lips curling. They hold each other's gaze, until Sally's loud and very forced coughing makes them look at her.

"I'm starting to realise how this all happened so fast," she says, with exasperation. "Just… please don't have sex on school grounds."

"Why do you think I asked you to rescue me? I'm resilient, but I wanted to play it safe."

"I still don't see what's wrong with a perfectly lockable supply cupboard," Quill mutters, much to Sally's visible disgust.

"You have… so many issues that I'm not even going to touch on," Sally tells the alien, narrowing her eyes, "but I'm just going to say right now that if you hurt Kalei, I will hunt you down and I will make you sorry."

Quill pushes away from the desk, striding forward until she is towering above Sally, who swallows but stands her ground.

"Firstly, it's adorable that you think you can threaten me," she says, lifting an eyebrow. "Secondly… I'd die before I hurt Kalei. So stand down, soldier."

"Never," Sally replies, holding Quill's gaze even though it means craning her neck upwards. "You have to _earn_ my respect. Being involved with Kalei doesn't give you a free pass."

Quill smiles, just a little. "Well said."

Kalei lets out a breath she had apparently been holding. "Okay, so are we all good now?"

"For the moment," Quill says. "I'm going to go and check on his highness and… other matters. You two do… whatever it is you two usually do."

She walks to the doorway and looks back at them.

"Until the next time, Liu," she says to Sally before shifting her eyes to Kalei. "And I'll see _you_ later. All of you. Because we're going to have sex."

Kalei covers her face with her hand, and Sally gets a look of odd calm that reminds Quill of when she, herself, is about to attack something.

Satisfied, Quill walks away.

* * *

A quick texting conversation sorts out that they'll meet at Kalei's after school, because even though Quill was intending to go home immediately afterwards, to try and throw off Charlie's suspicion, getting Kalei back for her teasing has now taken a higher priority.

Quill is - when the situation calls for it - capable of patience. But not today.

The moment the door opens, Quill is kissing Kalei and slamming the door shut behind them with her foot. Within fifteen seconds she's backed her up into the bedroom, knees hitting the edge of the bed.

"Take off your clothes, before I rip them off you," Quill says against Kalei's lips. She feels Kalei's body shiver, but Kalei hurries to do as she's told, shaking hands yanking down her zipper, while Quill takes a step back and sheds her coat and shoes. "Once you're done, get on the bed."

As Kalei's underthings hit the floor, and the brunette sits on the bed and shoves back, Quill slips out of her skirt and tights so that she's left in her blouse and underwear. Once that's done, she lowers herself onto the bed and straddles Kalei's hips.

"Use the traffic lights if I take this too far," Quill says quietly, breathing in deeply as she reaches out to brush her fingertips against Kalei's cheek.

Kalei's smile is small and easy, her eyes filled with that trust and adoration and arousal that never ceases to amaze Quill. "Given what you want to do, it'll be fine. If I really want you to stop, I'll say 'cricket'."

"Cricket," Quill repeats, almost amused. "Alright, if you're sure."

Kalei's hand runs up Quill's arm. "Thank you, though."

Quill nods and catches her hand, pinning it above her head as she leans down to kiss Kalei, slow and deep, her tongue intently exploring her mouth.

"Let's call this a game of sorts," she says to Kalei. The index finger of her free hand runs down Kalei's neck and between her breasts. "You don't touch me; you stay very still. So long as you're still, I touch you. If you move, I stop, and wait until you're still again."

Kalei bites her lip. Her eyes have darkened. "Okay."

"Put your arms wherever is comfortable, but keep them there."

Kalei lifts her other arm above her head and lets them rest on the pillows behind her. Quill absently reaches to pull her hair out from underneath her head and undo the pigtails so it falls over her neck and the tops of her shoulders. Much better. She likes Kalei's hair. It's curly and bouncy and is perfect for winding around her finger if she's bored. (And she likes how it's near enough a perfect circle around her head when she's lying down.)

Once Kalei is settled and still and looking up at her with those big brown eyes, Quill lets her fingertips skim down Kalei's torso.

Quill is completely unprepared for Kalei bursting into giggles and squirming at her touch, and she stares down at her with bewilderment.

"What the hell was that?"

"Ticklish," Kalei says, with one final giggle. "Sorry."

"Right," Quill replies, not having a clue what that means. "Well, you can explain later. Just calm down in the meantime."

Kalei gets herself under control, and Quill gets to work running her hands all over Kalei's torso and legs, letting her mouth press open mouthed kisses to Kalei's neck and chest in the meantime.

It's immensely difficult to go so slowly, when Quill wants nothing more than to give in to her basest urges and take Kalei with that primal need and passion that rules everything she does. But she wants to see Kalei undone, to make good on her promise that she'd regret her teasing. And so… patience it is.

It takes a while, but Kalei finally arches into Quill's hands a little, and Quill immediately sits up and retracts her hands. The look of longing in Kalei's eyes is far too enjoyable.

"I changed my mind, this isn't a fun game," Kalei says, biting her lip.

"I disagree," Quill says with a grin. "Now, stay still."

Once Kalei is still again, Quill leans over her and kisses slowly down the line of her throat. Her knee meanwhile presses between Kalei's legs, just enough to draw a sharp breath from Kalei. It isn't long before Kalei's hips push against Quill's knee.

Quill pulls away, and presses her finger to Kalei's lips before she can voice the protest already obvious in her eyes.

"Uh uh," Quill says, amused, "you agreed to the game. You know you got yourself into this mess." She's not had this much fun in ages. Oh, how good it feels to be in control. It's like a high, but a natural one. It's incredible.

Kalei regards her for several moments, before tilting her head back just enough that Quill's finger slips into her mouth. Her tongue licks the length of it, and Quill feels her own mouth go dry.

For someone on her back, Kalei is holding her own quite well.

"None of that," Quill says sternly, withdrawing her hand and waiting for Kalei to come to a rest. Once she does, Quill slips the finger that had been in Kalei's mouth between Kalei's legs to stroke her gently.

Kalei's back arches. Quill stops and waits. When she touches Kalei again, the concentration on the maths teacher's face is delicious. Her eyes are shut and there's a tiny frown creasing her forehead. She's trying so hard not to move.

Even as Quill's simple touch gradually takes her closer and closer, Kalei only moves once, which is fairly admirable with all things considered.

When a little whimper escapes Kalei, and her legs begin trembling, Quill knows she's close.

"Good girl," Quill murmurs, and sure enough Kalei comes, her whole body shuddering in the only movement that Quill will not count as part of the game.

Of course, the game is far from over. She's only just getting warmed up.

Kalei is breathing deeply. Quill waits. Once Kalei is still, Quill shuffles back so that she can reposition Kalei's legs, lifting her knees until her feet are planted on the bed, keeping her thighs apart.

It leaves Kalei extremely exposed; the extra flush to her cheeks when she realises this makes Quill smirk.

Kalei isn't as good at the game when it's Quill's mouth making her squirm and buck her hips. Every single time, Quill stops, and waits. To her credit, Kalei does a little better every time, and Quill can see the determination in the furrow of her brow. Lovely.

"That's it," Quill says, deciding she could use some encouragement. "You're better at this than I thought you would be."

Kalei opens her eyes to look at Quill, that soft longing in her as she gives Quill a small smile. It confirms a suspicion of Quill's - that Kalei is as quietly eager to please Quill as Quill is to please Kalei. It seems they both secretly crave the other's approval.

She's not quite sure what she thinks about that, but it's nice that they're at least on some kind of equal footing.

Kalei does well enough to reach her second orgasm, and there's a look of relief on her face that Quill finds very amusing. Does she think it's over now? Hardly. Now, Quill uses her fingers too. Poor Kalei can't keep herself still - it's too much and she's too sensitive. All the same, every single time she moves, Quill stops and waits.

For a small while it looks like Kalei is doing well, but then she moves her hand to clutch at a different section of sheet. Quill stops and waits. Kalei's eyes water with frustration.

"Is there something you want to say?" Quill asks in the meantime, just a little concerned. "A certain word?"

Kalei shakes her head, taking in deep breaths instead. She gives Quill a shaky smile. "You haven't even made me beg yet. No chance."

Quill gives her a feral grin. "Oh, I'm going to take that as an invitation."

She curls her fingers, and Kalei's hips buck a little. Quill stops and waits - then she lets her tongue slowly bring Kalei closer to the edge. Kalei is doing such a good job of keeping herself still.

Orgasm number three comes with a tiny sob on Kalei's part, and Quill doesn't let up. She keeps her head between Kalei's legs and keeps her pace until Kalei's body jerks.

"When are you going to stop?" Kalei asks once Quill starts again, and Quill laughs into her sensitive skin.

"When I feel like it."

The sound that escapes Kalei is like another whimper, and when Kalei next moves, Quill takes the opportunity to enjoy the view before her. Kalei is flushed and rumpled and breathing hard, and it's _glorious_.

"I don't think I can do this," Kalei says, when the smallest touch from Quill makes her body jerk again.

Quill lifts her eyebrows as if she doesn't know why. Of course it's harder for Kalei now, with her body that much more sensitive.

"Yes, you can."

Finally, as the game goes on, she gets Kalei to the point of begging.

"Please, Andy," Kalei says, voice trembling. "Please, I'll do anything, just stop the game, let me move. I need to - to - _please-_ "

"There we go," Quill says with satisfaction, and with that she throws the game to the wind, lowering her tongue to Kalei's clit with more dedication. She can feel the shudder of relief in Kalei's body when Kalei moves and Quill doesn't stop, but Kalei is mostly past coherency by this point.

Kalei screams her orgasm into a pillow that she's grabbed. Still, Quill doesn't stop.

"Oh god," Kalei whimpers, biting her lip. "That hurts. That's - it's too much. Please, I-" She lets out another small scream again when Quill licks at her.

She's not used the safe word, so Quill _could_ keep going. But as much as she likes hearing Kalei begging, as delightful as her screams are, hurting Kalei holds little appeal. Quill is only sadistic towards people who deserve it, after all.

So instead of drawing out the near torture any longer, Quill kisses Kalei's thigh and sits up to wipe her mouth on the back of her hand. Kalei's body slumps from sheer relief, and Quill runs a hand across Kalei's leg.

"Alright?"

Kalei nods slowly, her eyes having fallen shut. "That was… something."

"Bad something? Good something?"

"Something."

Quill moves to lie down next to her, propping herself up on her elbow to regard Kalei carefully. "Do you... need anything? I know it's not quite the same as when you put me in handcuffs, but I could bring you chocolate or ice cream or the cat-"

"I'm okay, I think," Kalei whispers, still taking deep breaths. She rolls over and snuggles into Quill, who finds that wrapping her arms around Kalei comes as almost a reflex now. Kalei is so warm, even through the fabric of Quill's shirt. "I - I liked it."

"Really?"

"Well, I'd have stopped you if I didn't. You could have… kept going for a while, if you'd wanted."

Quill looks down at her, at Kalei's pink cheeks and downcast eyes. She's possibly a little embarrassed to be admitting this, though Quill's not sure why. More strange human ideas about sexuality, probably.

"I wasn't sure if I was hurting you," Quill says uncertainly. "Hurting you holds very little appeal."

"I didn't mind it," Kalei replies. "Besides, you were supposed to be _punishing_ me, right?"

"Urgh, I know I used that word first, but can we _not_ apply it to our sex life ever again? Something about it bothers me."

"Sure," Kalei says, trailing her fingers across Quill's arm. "I just meant, the whole point of this was payback, right? The making me beg?"

Quill smirks. "Hmm. I did like that. You're quite gorgeous when you're that desperate."

Kalei's cheeks darken again. "I'm glad you liked it."

After a short period of just lying there comfortably with each other, Kalei kisses Quill and eagerly slips her hand underneath the waistband of Quill's underwear. Quill hadn't even remembered how intent she had been on sexual gratification for herself because of petty revenge being on her mind, but she is happy to be reminded.

There's far too much giggling this time around as Kalei's hand gets Quill off. After what Quill just did, why is Kalei _giggling_? Who _does_ that during sex, anyway? Quill has to keep kissing her to shut her up.

Afterwards, when Quill is basking in an afterglow of her own, Kalei shifts experimentally.

"I think I might be walking a little funny tomorrow," she says, shaking her head.

"Good, then Miss Liu can know exactly what we've been doing."

"Do you _want_ her to dislike you even more?"

"I actually don't care. I care for very few opinions that aren't yours; this shouldn't come as any surprise to you at this point, really."

Kalei grins. "You know, you have a funny tendency to say sweet things wrapped up in disdainful comments. It's quite impressive."

Quill rolls her eyes. As Kalei snuggles into her further, Quill hears Dorothea's voice in her head again. _It will certainly be worse for her._ Something that feels a little too close to guilt fills Quill's chest, pushing out the contentment and affection, until there is only worry.

Is Dorothea right? Should Quill tell Kalei what she's going to do? How can she?

Quill finds a bad taste in her mouth and allows herself one more minute of cuddling. Then she mutters some excuse about needing to get back to Charlie, and gets out of bed to pull her clothes back on.

It's not really an excuse, because it's true, and had been Quill's original plan earlier in the day.

"Do you really have to go _now_?" Kalei asks, eyes wide with something close to rejection. Humans have such stupid ideas about the necessity of further intimacy after sex. Sure, it's nice, but not wanting it doesn't _mean_ anything.

"If not now, when?" Quill retorts. "I don't want him pushing the issue. The only reason he doesn't know about us is because his boyfriend keeps discouraging him from invading my privacy. But the more suspicious I make him, the more likely he is to force me to tell him everything."

"I know you're worried, but would it really be so awful?" Kalei clutches the covers to herself, rubbing a hand through her hair. "Aren't we planning on telling people soon, anyway?"

"When it comes to the prince, you need to trust my judgement," Quill tells her as she pulls on her coat. "I'll see you tomorrow." She leaves the bedroom and heads for door, only to hear Kalei calling out to her, sounding quite disgruntled.

"You know, it's polite to kiss people goodbye after you torture them like that!"

"Really? The people I used to keep as prisoners would probably disagree," Quill shouts back, chuckling.

Kalei lets out a 'hmph' noise, and then Quill is out the door.

When she gets home, Charlie asks where she was. She says she was making a fellow faculty member pay for going against her. After checking that the faculty member isn't dead in a ditch somewhere (though how Charlie thinks she might have killed them, she has no idea), Charlie just nods and goes back to watching television with Matteusz. She smirks at her little joke with herself as she takes her physics marking to her bedroom with her.

As much as she usually finds marking about as pleasant as pulling her own teeth out, it's a welcome distraction from Dorothea's words and judgemental look that circling through her brain and stirring up doubts.

_Not knowing beforehand will certainly be worse for her._

Kalei can't know. Quill doesn't know how to deal with anyone worrying about her well-being, and she certainly isn't about to start now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: parent's evening! Should be fun :P 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, please do let me know what you thought!


	19. Parent's Evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill ends up telling Tanya about her love life, Kalei has dinner with her parents, and Dorothea and Kalei provide Quill with some helpful tips on not embarrassing the school at Parent's Evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is loooong. By all accounts it should have been split in half, but thematically it didn't feel right to do so. (Plus, I didn't want to have to reorder the consequent chapters AGAIN. But I swear most of the decision rests with all the content feeling like it belongs together.) I'm sure you guys can deal. ;) 
> 
> Oh, there are references to the novel Joyride in here, but no major spoilers, and it isn't necessary to have read it.
> 
> (also, a warning: referenced/quoted homophobia in this chapter.)

Quill's not quite sure how it happens, but she ends up sitting with Tanya Adeola at morning break on Tuesday. She's also not entirely sure of whether she thinks this is a bad thing or not.

"Do you ever get really sick of them being all adorable?" Tanya had asked as she sat down next to Quill on a bench that is a little out of the way of the rest of the seating areas. "Charlie and Matteusz, I mean."

"It's my default state of being," Quill had replied. "Try having to live with them."

Tanya had made a noise of distaste and then gone about eating her sandwich, leaving the two of them sitting in companionable silence. Quill likes that about Tanya. The girl isn't afraid to speak her mind, but she knows when it's best to not speak at all, too. Rather like Kalei, actually.

Quill thinks about how she had seen Kalei in passing at the start of the break and been told how she was going to help Sally set something up in her classroom.

Or rather, she thinks about the fact that when she'd seen Kalei, her heart had done that weird fluttery thing again.

"Is there a medical condition on this world involving bizarre heart palpitations?" Quill asks Tanya, who lifts an eyebrow.

"Sorry, what?"

"You know," Quill says uncomfortably, "if someone's chest were doing absurd things for no discernible reason, that's probably cause for concern, right? I'm new to this physiology, so I don't know how it works."

Tanya stares at her for a second. "Clearly," she says, a laugh escaping her. "These weird palpitations wouldn't be happening around a particular person, would they?"

"No," Quill says too quickly, because she can sense something in Tanya's tone she doesn't like. Problem is, it's not an easy thing to pull one over on Tanya Adeola, who is now grinning.

"Oh my god, is Miss Jacobs giving you butterflies?" she asks, with delight.

"Giving me what?" Quill frowns at her, wondering what the hell Tanya's talking about now. "No. Whatever that means, no."

"She's making your heart go all funny! Oh my god, that's the cutest thing ever," Tanya says with her hand covering her mouth. "Is it weird for you, having actual feelings towards another living person?"

"Contrary to popular belief, I am actually capable of emotions," Quill replies, frowning. "I simply… don't see much point in showing them, when I could hide them instead. After all, it's not like anyone cares."

Tanya looks at her with something that resembles concern. Or possibly pity. Either way, it grates on Quill considerably.

"That's not true, though. I mean, I'm not looking to be mates or anything, but I tried to tell Charlie not to order you around," Tanya says slowly. "Matteusz has tried a couple of times too, apparently."

Quill stares at her, genuinely surprised. "Really? Why would you bother doing that?"

"Is it so hard to believe we might have an issue with slavery?" Tanya asks. "There's the whole weapon of mass destruction thing, too. Between a black girl and a Polish guy, we're going to be against quite a bit about _his culture_."

"Yes, Kalei explained about the human slavery here," Quill says thoughtfully.

"Ooh, first name basis, you really are a thing, aren't you?" Tanya waggles her eyebrows at Quill, who gets an urge to push her off the bench. "Hang on, does that mean she calls you _Andrea_? Do you even like that? It's not even your real name, right?"

"You humans make assumptions based on the most infinitesimal things. And no, she doesn't call me Andrea."

"Does she just call you Quill?"

"Sometimes." Quill purses her lips, debating whether to offer the information. But it's... nice, having someone other than Kalei interested in hearing about her life. "And... sometimes she calls me Andy."

"Andy?" Tanya asks, eyes widening and lips stretching into a grin as she laughs. "Oh my god, that's so weird. And cute, don't get me wrong. But mostly weird."

Quill rolls her eyes. "Just... don't go spreading that information around. I have a reputation to maintain."

"Don't worry, don't think your reputation is in too much," Tanya says, still grinning. "So are you and Miss Jacobs all good now then? 'Cos you upset her last week, but I've sort of seen you two a bit this week, and everything seems all good. More than good." She grins at Quill. "I mean, if she'll calling you _Andy_ and you're getting butterflies-"

"I don't know what butterflies have to do with any of this, but I'll thank you to shut up about them," Quill says, rolling her eyes. "You haven't mentioned my relationship with Kalei to anyone else, have you?"

Tanya shrugs. "I mean, it's not really my business, is it? It might be sort of tempting to tell the others, but only because I want to see their faces." She laughs a little. "I mean, when Charlie found out you were having sex with someone, that was like, the funniest thing _ever_."

Quill smirks. "You should have seen his face when he asked where I was all weekend and I offered to type him up a sex transcript so that he could have every detail of my personal life on hand."

"Oh my god," Tanya says, snorting while also looking at Quill with impressed disbelief, "did you actually say that?"

"I asked if he wanted me to just write 'orgasm noises' in brackets or if he wanted me to spell them out phonetically. He wasn't particularly impressed, obviously, but his boyfriend seemed to think it was funny."

"You're now solidly my third favourite teacher."

Quill gives her an odd look.

"First being Miss Jacobs, obviously, and I really like the history teacher, even though I don't take her class anymore," Tanya explains. "Sorry."

For rather petty reasons, Quill finds herself smug about the fact that Sally Liu hasn't made the cut.

"I know virtually nothing about this history teacher, but I'm hardly going to be put out over your regarding Kalei more highly than me. I don't care about being anyone's favourite teacher."

"Kind of figured that when you flicked a pen cap at Lowe and hit him in head," Tanya says with a snort, "which, for the record, kind of changed me as a person. It was maybe the most badass thing I've ever seen, and I've seen April commanding an army of Shadowkin."

"My flicking a pen cap at a mouthy teenage boy changed you as a person?"

"You hit him in the middle of the forehead. Without looking! I didn't even know it was possible to flick pen caps with _any_ kind of accuracy, let alone accuracy like that."

Quill's reflex is to tell her how ridiculous she is, but she finds herself rather enjoying the admiration. God, she hates how much she loves compliments. She barely remembers the incident with the pen cap - it was the day April had turned up to school drunk because someone else had taken her body for a joyride, and there had been a lot going on. But all the same, Quill's sitting a little straighter, her chest puffed with praise.

"Yeah, well, you don't become the commander of a rebel army by being mediocre," Quill finally says.

"Fair point."

The bell rings, and Quill gets up and leaves without thinking to mutter a farewell.

* * *

After receiving a request from the Headmistress, Kalei drags a reluctant Quill with her to Dorothea Ames' office at lunchtime.

"What the hell is all this about?" Quill asks crossly, once they all get inside.

"Please, Miss Quill, do have a seat," Dorothea says with a smile. "You too, Miss Jacobs."

"What _is_ this about, exactly?" Kalei asks. "If it's about our relationship-"

"Oh, no, nothing of the sort," Dorothea insists, with a smile and wave of her hand. "The two of you seem rather taken with each other, and I trust _your_ professionalism at least, Miss Jacobs."

"Please, call me Kalei."

Dorothea smiles even wider, eyes sparkling. "Only if you call me Dorothea."

"Oh good, we're all _buddies_ now. Can we get to the point?" Quill asks grumpily, picking at the stitching on the loveseat she's sitting on.

"Of course," Dorothea says. "The matter is fairly simple, Miss Quill. I believe that it would be unwise to leave you alone with parents tomorrow evening without some firm guidance on how it is appropriate to behave in such scenarios. I was hoping Kalei would assist me in giving you some gentle advice."

"Are you afraid I'm going to end up telling them all what snot-nosed little brats their children are?"

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of, along with possible indirect violence and graphic threats."

Quill thinks about the Jehovah's Witnesses who she had been able to physically kick to the curb, thanks to eternal damnation apparently counting as an implicit threat to Charlie's life according to the arn. Then she thinks about the things she said to the Inspector and Matteusz's parents.

She shrugs. "Fair enough."

Kalei looks torn between exasperation and amusement. "Don't worry, I'm sure Miss - Dorothea won't ask you to do anything ridiculous. Like _smiling_. You just need to be cordial."

"And how, exactly, do I do that?"

"A semi-pleasant greeting when they come in is a good start," Dorothea says. "And then for you, I'd suggest a simple balance in feedback. Start with something positive about the child in question, and then mention what needs to be improved upon."

"So, what? _Timmy only irritates me 15% of the time, which by the school average is fairly impressive, but his physics homework is so illegible, it looks like a dog wrote it with its hind legs?"_

Dorothea presses her lips together with disapproval, but her eyes crinkle a little. Kalei is somewhat less successful in holding in her laugh, and tries and fails to hide it behind a cough.

"Possibly, but I think we can do better," Dorothea says.

And so the parent's evening etiquette lessons begin. Main points to remember: no threats of graphic violence (towards parents or their children), no actual violence of any kind (Quill's grumbling that the arn would spoil any real fun she wanted to have anyway, was met with two very unimpressed looks), no swearing, and no directly insulting the children (which is going to be the real trick, isn't it?).

"I expect to be well compensated for my effort in this," Quill says, before realising that her compensation is probably Dorothea's help with arn. She glances at the Headteacher with barely disguised wariness.

Dorothea arches an eyebrow. "I believe it's Kalei you should probably be looking to if you're after some kind of reward for good behaviour."

Kalei turns pink at the exact moment that Quill smirks.

"Well, Kalei?"

"Your reward can be… my professional respect," Kalei says mildly, taking a great interest in a spot on the floor, next to her shoes.

"Of course," Dorothea replies, with an amusement in her tone which only makes Kalei's cheeks turn an even darker shade.

Quill rolls her eyes. "I think I'd prefer the verbal assault and the consequences."

"You certainly would not," Dorothea tells her, with a sharp look that is very clearly a _don't forget about our deal - don't you want that thing out of your head_?

"Hmph."

By the time the bell rings, the two brunettes are looking very pleased with themselves. Quill, however, is bored and irritated enough that getting to her next class is actually looking more appealing than putting up with any more of this particular conversation.

"Well, I think we've done as much as we can," Dorothea says to Kalei, who nods.

"I'm just glad you thought of this. I hadn't even considered that this might be a problem."

"It's my job to consider all possible outcomes and probabilities. Odds of a Quill-related disaster at parent's evening, without intervention, were 87%."

"And _with_ intervention?"

"Far too early to say, I'm afraid. I've yet to do any new calculations. I'd have to make several adjustments to the algorithms."

"Calculations, probability, algorithms… I knew I liked you," Kalei says to Dorothea, grinning.

Dorothea smiles at her, cheeks flushing ever so slightly. "Well, I try."

It isn't until Quill starts making fake gagging noises that they even seem to remember that she's in the room. They look at her with surprise.

"Remember me? Potential disaster waiting to happen who's very much still in the room?" Quill asks, scowling. "If you're quite done with your frankly nauseating new friendship, I think I'd actually prefer to get back to teaching those snot-nosed brats."

"Do you think, between the two of us, we'll actually be able to teach her some manners?" Kalei asks Dorothea, smirking.

"Oh, I'd like nothing more," Dorothea says, a glint in her eye as she smiles at Quill, one that gives Quill the distinct feeling that there's something - a detail - about the Headmistress she's missing. But for the moment, she doesn't actually care.

"Right, well, I'm leaving," Quill mutters.

Something about Kalei getting so chummy with Dorothea gets under her skin. Perhaps it is that Quill still doesn't particularly trust the Headmistress, despite all of her apparent goodwill. Quill knows what humans would call a 'chessmaster' when she sees one. Dorothea is always playing a much larger game than anyone else can see.

But it's not that. Not really. More than anything, Quill is simply disgruntled that Kalei isn't completely on her side here. Quill feels ganged up on, and normally that wouldn't bother her in the slightest - she puts up with hordes of Shadowkin and a gang of five teenagers on a regular basis, after all - except that Kalei is meant to be with her. On _her_ side.

Kalei catches Quill's arm as she goes to leave. "Hey," she says softly, smiling at her and making Quill swallow, "thank you for actually mostly listening to us. You've done really well with taking this all on board. I know learning a whole new form of etiquette can't be easy for you."

Quill's annoyance partially fades, which then in turn almost brings it back around, because it's frankly ridiculous how strongly she responds to praise, especially from Kalei.

"Yeah, well, it would probably be much easier if I wasn't such a 'cold bitch'," Quill mutters.

"Possibly," Kalei says, eyes sparkling. She takes a moment to kiss Quill lightly on the lips. "Now come on, I'm sure the Headmistress here won't want us late to class."

"Thank you both," Dorothea says to them, with a smile, as she moves back behind her desk. "I'll see you both tomorrow. I'm sure you'll do us proud. Oh, and please close the door on your way out."

* * *

Of all the things Quill had expected when she had made her way to Kalei's classroom at the end of the day, finding Kalei with her arm around a student and murmuring reassurances wasn't one of them. Even if perhaps it should have factored in some point in the list of possibilities.

"And so, she asked me what the hell I was watching, and why I would watch something with-" The girl's voice trembles. "With _this gay bullshit_ in it, and I just panicked. I started saying how I loved Buffy and that it was worth putting up with - with _the gross lesbian stuff._ I said that. Even though I'm-"

Oh god, the girl's crying. Not much, but any crying is too much as far as Quill and students are concerned. Quill has half a mind to just walk out, but she's curious as to how Kalei deals with this sort of thing.

"Whatever you say to keep yourself safe is nothing you should feel bad about," Kalei tells her gently.

That's when she sees Quill, and the distraction of her gaze makes the girl whip around in a swirl of red hair. Quill recognises her, vaguely, from her Year 10 physics class. Spencer. Sophia Spencer? That sounds right. Quiet, but usually not too idiotic, in the rare instances she does speak.

So, now that Quill thinks about it, that makes the girl one of her favourite members of that class.

"Miss Quill," the girl stammers, wiping furiously at her eyes. "Sorry. I was just-"

"Don't feel any need to give me some kind of explanation," Quill tells her, arching an eyebrow. "You don't owe me one." She glances between Spencer and Kalei. "Look, should I - do you want me to come back?"

"No, it's fine. I need to get home," Spencer says quickly. "Thanks, Miss Jacobs. Sorry."

"Don't apologise," Kalei replies, squeezing her arm. "Stay safe, alright?" Spencer nods and heads for the door, and there's so much sadness and worry in Kalei's eyes that Quill finds herself turning to face the fleeing student.

"Miss Spencer," she says, and the girl stops, turning her head to blink at Quill, with wide blue eyes that hold a hint of trepidation amidst the apparent surprise at being addressed. "There's no shame in living to fight another day. In ensuring larger victory by conceding smaller battles."

If Spencer had been surprised before, now she's somewhat confused as well. But there's something else in her face amidst all of that, and the inherent sadness. Resilience.

"Thank you, Miss. I'll - I'll try to remember that," she murmurs, ducking her head. "Oh and I'm - I'm really glad things are okay with you two again." With that, she hurries out of the classroom.

Once she's gone, Quill turns to look at Kalei, with the intention of asking why this fourteen year old seems to know about their relationship, only to find that the brunette's expression has turned to one of anger. Her fist is white-knuckled where it rests against the desk.

"I know we said no violence at the parent's evening, but my god, it's going to be difficult for me to not punch her mother square in the nose the moment she walks in the door," Kalei says quietly.

"Have you ever punched anyone in your life?" Quill asks.

"Once or twice."

"... I'll hold her down, you rough her up?"

Kalei laughs a little. "It's certainly a nice thought. Thank you, by the way, for saying what you did to Sophia. She needs any support she can get right now."

"She's like Matteusz," Quill deduces. "Only, she's still at home?"

Kalei nods. "Only, no one else knows that she's gay. Only me, and I've promised not to say anything. You need to promise me that you'll keep quiet about this too. And don't try and talk to her about it. She's in a very delicate place, and delicacy isn't your speciality."

"No arguments here," Quill says, shrugging. Initiating a heart-to-heart conversation, about an aspect of human society that is utterly ridiculous, isn't anything she had been pencilling in for later in the week anyway. "Now, can we get going?"

"Going where?" Kalei asks, amused.

"Does it matter? Anywhere that isn't here or my house is appealing enough."

"What about a park? We could go to a chippy, get some food, take it to a park? Make a picnic of it."

Quill is just barely aware of what a picnic is. A human tradition involving eating outside, on the ground - though usually on top of a blanket or something similar. And ever since she learned that they were a done thing on this planet, she had felt a little more comfortable, even though she'd never partaken in one herself.

Her people had always eaten sitting on the ground. The Rhodia had always counted this as yet another thing that made the Quill primitive - their preference for less furniture, preferring their large nests furnished with tech screens and little else.

"I'd like that," Quill says.

Kalei beams. "Really?"

"I mean, I'm not likely to turn down most ideas that involve us spending time together, but picnics have a fair degree of similarity to how my people would go about eating in general. So, yes."

"Aw," Kalei says, blushing. "And really? That's cool to know."

That's when Kalei's phone buzzes. She grabs it out of her pocket, and her face falls when she opens the message. She mutters 'crap' under her breath.

"What, what is it?"

" _Remember to bring the cream for the sponge cake tonight,"_ Kalei reads out, sighing. "I forgot. Last Tuesday of every month - dinner with my parents."

"Oh," Quill says. "Well, no matter, it'll just have to be a short picnic."

Kalei shakes her head, eyes apologetic. "They live in Great Barford, in Bedfordshire; it's a ninety minute drive each way. I have enough time to sit down for a coffee with you at the place down the road, before I run to the shops, but then I'll need to go."

Quill is about to say that a short coffee together will have to be enough, but that's when _her_ phone pings. Quill lets out a heavy groan of frustration when she looks at the screen, and shows Kalei the text:

 **Bane of My Existence:** _Tanya is coming over to do homework. Need you here, come home immediately._

"Damn," Kalei sighs. "I guess I'll just… see you tomorrow, then."

"Tomorrow it is."

Kalei laughs. "I'm going to have to work out something to tell my mother about you. Thank god I've got an hour and a half of driving to do that."

"Why do you have to tell her anything? You're the one that was saying this relationship is still very new, after all. I thought parents didn't come into it for a while yet."

"She'll know," Kalei says seriously, but with a curl to her lips. "Somehow, no matter what, whenever I've met someone new, she _knows_. Mothers have special powers like that, it's a fact."

"Is it really? It isn't on my planet, Quill mothers would just-"

"Okay, it's hardly scientifically proven, but it's still a thing," Kalei insists.

As much as Quill would love to continue this conversation and learn more about what Kalei believes human mothers to be capable of - she is going to be dealing with dozens of them tomorrow, after all - she needs to get home.

"Well, you can tell me all about it tomorrow," Quill says. "I need to get going." She turns to go only for Kalei to catch her arm and pull her back in until they are only inches apart.

"Manners lesson number one," Kalei tells her, looking up at her with sparkling eyes. "When you're involved with someone the way you're involved with me, it's polite to kiss them goodbye. Though I'll accept hugs too."

"We're at school. I thought we weren't doing this here."

"The only people who might possibly see us are other teachers who haven't gone home yet, and that wouldn't be a disaster when it's Charlie we're mainly worried about."

Quill thinks about how she's tried to keep their relationship quieter for Kalei's sake, just in case something happens on Thursday. But right now, in this moment, the desire to kiss her overpowers logical thought. So she winds her other arm around Kalei's waist and kisses her deeply, even pushing her luck and slipping her tongue past Kalei's lips. Kalei let out the tiniest of moans and kisses back just as enthusiastically. Or at least, she does for a few seconds, before apparently deciding against it and pulling away.

"Not quite the kind of kiss I meant," Kalei says breathlessly. "But it'll do. Now go, before you get in trouble with Charlie."

Quill kisses her twice more, more out of defiance than anything else, but it's not as if Kalei protests. (She giggles against Quill's mouth, and Quill should find it annoying, but it somehow has the opposite effect.)

"Have fun at dinner," Quill says, upon finally releasing her and stepping backwards towards the door. Her thumb rubs over her lips thoughtfully. "Feel free to call me when you're home if you want to… talk. About what we could have been doing if not for Charles or your prior engagement."

Kalei lifts an eyebrow. "Are you trying to schedule another phone sex date with me? Right as I'm about to go and see my parents?"

"It'd give you something to look forward to," Quill says, shrugging. She turns on her coy, teasing tone of voice that she's found is most effective when paired with slightly widened, innocent eyes. "And I'll be so bored, at home all night. Thoughts of you would be welcome company."

"You can get off without my help, surely," Kalei replies, snorting. "Get out of here."

Quill sighs. "Well, it was worth a shot. See you tomorrow, then. Try not to tell your mother I'm an alien or make me out to be somebody more pleasant than I actually am."

* * *

Dinner at the Jacobs' house follows a steady pattern. Arrive, greet family dog, deliver required food item to kitchen, attempt to help Mum in kitchen, be whisked out of kitchen by Father to be hugged for at least thirty seconds.

Makalo Jacobs, loving father and harmonica player extraordinaire, gives the very best hugs out of anyone Kalei has ever known. She's possibly biased.

"How have you been, my little flower?" He asks her. They always speak in Zulu when alone, and although it's not quite as strong as her English, she falls into it as easily as she always does.

"I've been really good," Kalei says, smiling at him.

He cups her cheek in his large hand. "You look it. I'm glad." He starts telling her about his month and some drama in the little folk band he formed with his friends a few years ago, and she listens intently and offers some advice.

Finally, her mother strides in from the dining room and announces that dinner is ready.

Chanita Jacobs (nee Jackson) is five-feet and four-inches of good natured chatter, and almost always armed with food. Her hair is more textured than Kalei's, sticking out from her head more than falling around it in tight curls.

"I'm glad to see you look like you've been eating well, darling, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to insist that you stuff yourself silly," she says to Kalei as they sit down to eat.

"I wouldn't dream of doing anything else," Kalei assures her.

For at least twenty minutes they talk of school and work and students - Chanita is a teacher too, at the village school, but for English. And then, as Kalei had always known it was going to, conversation turns to Kalei's personal life.

"So, who is she?" Chanita asks after swallowing a mouthful of potatoes. Kalei lifts an eyebrow, and her mother is quick to add, "Okay, okay, sorry, who are _they_?"

Kalei has to grin. " _She_ teaches physics at Coal Hill. It's very new and very quick and rather strange, but I like her a lot. And although she hates most people, she likes me too. So, yeah."

"Maths and physics, fitting," Makalo says, grinning. "Do we get to see a picture?"

Normally, Kalei would just pull up a Facebook profile on her phone and pass it to them, but it's a little trickier with Quill. At least, until she remembers something in her handbag. After a quick dash to the next room, Kalei returns with the strip of photos from the photobooth at the shopping centre.

"These are all I have at the moment. She's called Quill. Andrea Quill."

Makalo expresses his approval, with an offhand comment about Kalei being a sucker for a pretty blonde, and Chanita's only comment is that 'she looks like she needs to learn how to smile.'

"I'm working on it," Kalei promises, chuckling.

"That's my girl," Makalo says, reaching out to give her shoulder a squeeze, and Chanita nods proudly and says how Kalei looks like this woman makes her happy.

The time goes too quickly, as it always does. They discuss Christmas plans over the sponge cake - the family Christmas dinner - and then Kalei kisses them both on the cheek in farewell and begins her drive back to London.

She thinks about how her father had gone on to describe Quill as not necessarily seeming 'nice,' but saying that he trusts Kalei's judgement. Her mother had simply doted on the fact that apparently Kalei is noticeably happier than the last time they saw her, even though Kalei remembers being fairly cheerful on that occasion, since she'd just started back at Coal Hill.

Naturally, her thoughts move to Quill eventually meeting her parents, if things work out. It's a strange thing to imagine.

"Yes, Mum, Father, this is my alien girlfriend who was made a slave as punishment for leading a revolution on another world," she murmurs. "I know she's kind of an arse, has no table manners and has probably insulted you or this house or something in this house, no less than six times since arriving, but I promise I actually have valid reasons for liking her. Reasons that aren't just how good she looks in tight jeans and high heels. Or in nothing but my bed sheets."

Her mind is in the gutter now. With thoughts of Quill, it never takes long. The drive is long and she has no lack of memory or imagination to think about how she and Quill might have spent the evening together. (Not that she wishes she hadn't had the family dinner, because she loves her parents dearly.)

By the time Kalei finally gets home, she is all too relieved to slip into her pyjamas and climb into bed. Her body is begging for something she knows she can't give it without help. Quill's voice plays over in her head. _I'll be so bored, at home all night. Thoughts of you would be welcome company_.

Kalei grabs her phone and calls 'Sometimes Andy'. It picks up after two rings, and Quill's voice is irritatingly smug when she answers.

" _Did you change your mind?"_

"Well, after telling my parents about you, it meant I spent the whole drive back thinking of you."

" _And now you're desperately horny?"_

"Well I - I can't do this sort of thing on my own. I need you."

" _What do you mean you_ can't _?"_

Kalei sighs into the phone. "I mean, I can never quite _get there_. No matter how close I - look, does it matter? I can't get myself off without this, so will you help me or not?"

" _Oh, we're going to have fun tomorrow,"_ Quill's says, voice lower, going straight through Kalei's body. " _Frustration at dozens of parents resulting in a probably rough shag against your door or kitchen counter."_

"Sounds like my kind of Wednesday night," Kalei says. "Who's against the counter? Or who couldn't wait to even move away from the door?"

" _Oh, you're against the door, for sure. Pinned, squirming."_

Kalei's hand slips underneath the waistband of her sleeping shorts. "What are you going to do?"

Quill is all too happy to go into detail, telling her how her hands and tongue will bring Kalei over the edge, until Kalei has almost reached it just from Quill's voice and her own hand.

"I wish I could see you," Kalei says. "Your eyes always - they get me every time."

" _I wish I could see_ you _. I bet you're a real sight right now. So eager. Will you be sitting through parent's evening waiting for it to end, thinking about what I'm going to do to you when it's over?"_

"No, I'm a professional who can focus on her work," Kalei can't stop herself from saying.

" _We'll see how professional you are when I wait until an evening where the school is empty, and I bend you over my desk and make you scream."_

Kalei whimpers and bucks against her own hand.

" _There's probably security cameras, but I wouldn't care. Maybe the Headmistress would watch them before she erases them for us. I bet she's into that sort of thing, with her omniscience complex."_

For all Kalei's talk of not being into exhibitionism, something about the idea of the strange, smirking Headmistress watching them like that makes her inhale sharply, and she's coming, her whole body shuddering while she gasps.

" _Thought you didn't like being watched,"_ Quill says, amused.

Kalei gulps in air. "Shut up. Or I'll have to hang up and leave you to your own company."

It turns out that listening to Kalei has gotten Quill most of the way, and so it only takes a minute before the blonde's little needy breaths come through the phone as she finds her release.

"We should get some sleep," Kalei says after a small, comfortable silence. "Big day tomorrow. Parent's evening, and then someone's promised to fuck me against a door. Lots to do."

"I'll see you then," Quill murmurs, voice husky in her sleepy afterglow. "Good night."

"Good night."

* * *

Quill's Wednesday morning starts the same way most mornings do. She gets up, has a delightfully scalding shower, gets dressed, and pads into the kitchen to be handed a cup of coffee by Matteusz. She silently takes it and moves to sit at the dining table. Sometimes he will chat to her, briefly, but she's never been the most responsive to chatting, and so most days he leaves her alone.

Today, however, he slides into the seat next to her, with his own coffee.

"Parent's evening," Matteusz says quietly. "What will you say to my parents? What if they… don't come at all?"

"They'd be much braver than I pegged them if they do," Quill replies, sipping her coffee, "given that I told them I'd make them very sorry if they ever came to the school or approached you without your express permission again."

"What?" He stares at her with shock. "When did you say this?"

"When they tried to come in for a meeting with Miss Jacobs and I - happened to be nearby. I told them that they had no right to be involved in your life after casting you out for so obscene a reason."

Matteusz seems lost for words, but his eyes are shining with emotion, his head shaking from side to side just a fraction.

"Why would you do that?"

Quill frowns at him, and considers that it's likely she handled things _her_ way instead of the polite human - and probably stupid - way. "Alright, maybe I should have… asked you before interfering like that. What do you want me to do if they _do_ turn up, then?"

"No, it is… good, what you did," Matteusz says softly.

"Then why are you looking at me like that?" she snaps.

He lets out a funny little laugh. "I just… never thought you cared. About me. About anything to do with me."

This conversation has now ended up more or less in the worst place Quill could think of, short of it somehow involving Charlie. She doesn't want to talk to her captor's boyfriend about _caring_ and _feelings_.

"Look, do you want me to graphically threaten them if they do turn up, or not?" she asks uncomfortably, taking a large sip of coffee.

"If you could just, ensure they leave without you being too… Quill-ish, that would be best, I think."

"So no graphic threats of violence?"

"No, thank you," he says, a tiny smile on his lips. "Really. Thank you, Miss Quill."

"Don't mention it," she says, and she means it literally. Though, it is nice to get a little appreciation, for once, from someone other than Kalei.

"I will just go to my other teachers, ask them to give me feedback for myself."

Quill shakes her head. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm already attending Charlie's meetings, I might as well go to yours too. I'll see to it that the Headmistress arranges it, if she hasn't already."

His eyes widen. "Why - why would you do that?"

"You're in my care, whether either of us likes it or not," Quill replies simply, as she gets up from the table and moves to take her mug to the sink. "And you'd better hope your teachers have good things to say about you. I won't be lenient if I find out you've been slacking on homework for other subjects."

She doubts he is. He and Charlie are always doing homework together, like the goody-two-shoes they are. The only danger to their grades is their raging hormones.

She thinks he might say thank you again as she leaves the room, but she can't be sure.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, Dorothea Ames _has_ scheduled Quill in for the last time slots for each other teacher she needs to see, so that she can go to the conferences after conducting her own meetings. And she is scheduled for both Charlie and Matteusz's classes. They both take Maths, Physics and Biology, but Charlie takes History, while Matteusz takes English.

"I took the liberty of scheduling Maths last," Dorothea tells her, with a knowing smile. "In case you and Miss Jacobs had any standing plans."

It's a nice gesture. It's also a _weird_ gesture. Everything Dorothea says about Quill's relationship with Kalei just rubs Quill the wrong way, even though, as far as she can tell, it is all well-meaning enough.

"Thanks," Quill says, without sounding particularly grateful.

"I'll see you later, then."

"Yes, I guess you will," Quill replies on her way out.

Classes run more or less the same as normal. Write equation on the board, get children to solve it, look at pictures of cats on the iPad. Repeat.

It isn't until the end of her Year 10 class that anything changes. Quill sees someone standing in front of her desk and glances up to see an anxious Sophia Spencer standing in front of her.

"Yes?" Quill asks, arching an eyebrow.

"Please don't tell my mum about anything you heard yesterday, or anything Miss Jacobs might have told you," Sophia says. Her fingers are curled tight around the strap of the satchel.

"Miss Jacobs didn't tell me anything. I worked it out based on what I overheard. She takes her sworn silence very seriously."

Sophia smiles a little. "She's… the best teacher I've ever had."

"I bet she is."

"So you won't say anything to my mum?"

"Why would I do that? I've already got one gay teenager living under my roof after getting kicked out by his ignorant parents, I don't need any more of you running around."

"Sorry, what?"

Right. Charlie living with her still isn't common knowledge, let alone Matteusz's situation.

"Don't worry about it," Quill says, waving a hand dismissively. "Your mother won't get anything but petty hostility from me. Now run along."

Quill spends both morning break and lunchtime letting Kalei help her draft feedback for the parents, over several cups of coffee of course. And with no small amount of complaining.

"Follow these notes, and you'll probably be alright," Kalei says with a smile.

"I do prefer to have a battle plan, so thank you," Quill replies. "Give me a strategy meeting, complete with dozens of mouthy lieutenants who think they know better than me, over _human parents_ any day."

Kalei giggles. "I'm sure you'll manage. At least you're only going to be taking them one or two at a time."

"Plus, I have an incentive going for me," Quill says, smirking when Kalei flushes.

"Whatever works."

* * *

The first few meetings are a bit like pulling teeth.

_Well, Mrs Williams, Thomas is a fairly intelligent boy. He just has an unfortunate tendency to be distracted by the female members of the class._

_I'm sorry, Mr Davison, but if your daughter isn't learning any physics, then she should probably actually attempt the homework herself, instead of copying that of the girl who sits behind her._

_Mr and Mrs Wilson, while your son displays perhaps at least a fraction of potential, his determination to draw penises on any hard surface I seat him at is rather disturbing._

If the unhappy looks on the parent's faces are anything to go by, while Quill has avoided complete disaster, she's not really managed to be as pleasant as Dorothea and Kalei had hoped. But then, she doubts they expected her to be.

Besides, the kids can just tell their parents what a psycho bitch she is and that nothing she says should be taken seriously, and then all will be well again.

What a ridiculous process this is.

It's actually a relief when she sees that the next name on her list is Jackie MacLean. The woman rolls in on the wheelchair that Quill isn't entirely sure she needs anymore - Charlie mentioned something about April using shadow to heal her mother's legs, but she hadn't really been listening - and she gives Quill a hesitant smile.

"I'd normally say 'have a seat,' but I suppose we can skip that part," Quill says to her, and Jackie's lips twitch.

"I've heard a lot about you," she says.

"Oh yeah? Let me guess, mostly complaining?"

Jackie eyes her uncertainly, but she smiles. "Yes, a fair bit of that. But after Friday, she's explained to me where you're from. I have to say that I never expected to be talking with an alien any time soon, but it turns out I already have. That boy Charlie. So strange, but so sweet."

Quill lifts an eyebrow, having been far too preoccupied with herself around the time of the petal invasion to know that April's mother is now clued in about at least some aspects of their little gang's escapades. But then, that could explain the possible miraculous paralysis cure.

"Yes, I'm sure he's lovely when he's not busy enslaving you and ordering you around," she says flatly, making Jackie frown at her. "Anyway, if we could get back to April's academics, I have a schedule to keep to. Time waits for no alien."

"Yes, of course."

"April could still be doing a lot better in my class, but I'll admit that she's doing better than most, no doubt thanks to the help of Miss Adeola."

"Miss Adeola?"

"Tanya."

"Oh, yes, I think I've seen them on Skype a few times, working through it."

"Exactly. In regards to her behaviour: other than the occasional outburst, she's such a goody-two-shoes that you don't have anything to worry about."

After Jackie leaves, a few more parents come through, and then Quill has the pleasure of meeting with the parents of the boy she'd been graphically threatening when Kalei had apparently become infatuated with her. She tells the Agnew's that their son needs a serious education on how he treats and talks about women, and takes great pleasure in adding that his physics work is abysmal. Not quite the balance of feedback she had been recommended to try, but she's fairly sure Kalei would back her up on this one.

A few more parents, and then it's time for Myra and Varun Singh.

Quill thinks she might have heard a whisper about Varun now being clued in about aliens too. Honestly, so much for keeping a low profile. At this rate, the whole school will know within the year.

"Miss Quill, it's nice to meet you," Varun says, politely smiling and holding out his hand.

Quill hates shaking people's hands. She's already had to do it so many times today, and all she wants to do is grab it and use it to flip him over, or something equally entertaining and just as probably socially unacceptable.

All the same, she forces herself to rigidly shake it for all of a second, and then Myra's. Ram's mother is a poised and elegant woman, a rich pink _chuni_ covering her hair and shoulders, while a sharp business suit covers the rest of her body. She's as beautiful as Ram is absurdly pretty.

"Now, I know physics isn't Ram's best class," Varun says slowly.

"I'd certainly be concerned if it was," Quill replies. "He spends far too much time complaining and talking, and not nearly enough time actually trying to understand the material. Thankfully, like several others, his friendship with Tanya Adeola has kept his grades at an acceptable level, for the most part. I'll discount the appalling assignment handed in just after the loss of his girlfriend, but that's it."

"Thank you so much," Myra says gratefully, taking Varun's hand and giving it a squeeze. "It's been so hard on him, even if he won't talk to me about it."

Quill nods. "Yes, well, he-" _Saved me from having to die trying to fight an interdimensional alien dragon._ "He's… got a lot of potential. Probably."

It's another five parents before she looks at the schedule and sees that the next name is Christine Spencer. Quill purses her lips and taps a pen against them thoughtfully.

Christine Spencer is, as it turns out, a woman with faded red hair thrown up in a professional bun, and a cream pencil skirt and matching blazer.

"Miss Quill," she says, nodding, and to Quill's relief, not offering a hand to shake as she sits down. "I've been waiting for the chance to speak with you ever since she started to get her marks back. Tell me how she can do better."

Quill takes a moment to pull up the necessary facts from memory, and frowns. "She has the second best marks in her entire class, and the kid with the highest has a private tutor, or so I'm led to believe."

"She's getting Bs; it isn't good enough."

"She can do better, of course," Quill agrees. "But it has been pointed out to me that I run a tough class."

"As you should."

Normally, Quill loves having people agree with her. But knowing what she does about this woman, it completely rubs Quill the wrong way.

"If she wants to do better, she simply needs to put in more work. If that doesn't do it, however, getting a tutor would probably be her best bet." Something occurs to Quill, though just why her brain is putting in the effort to go the extra mile, she has no idea. "Actually, one of my sixth form students already has some experience in such matters, and she's around your daughter's age. I can see about arranging something, if you'd like?"

Christine Spencer nods. "Yes, please. That would be brilliant. She's in sixth form but Sophia's age? It sounds like she would be a good influence on my daughter."

_Provided Tanya doesn't pull Sophia into any alien related capers, she probably would be._

The mother is smiling now. "Well, thank you Miss Quill. From what Sophia tells me, you're the kind of tough presence children need in this day and age. None of that coddling, liberal stuff."

Quill takes the opening, determined to wipe the smile off her face. "Coddling isn't remotely my style. I tend to leave that to my girlfriend."

Not that Kalei's her girlfriend, really. At least, not currently, because Quill still remains very undecided about the label, but this Spencer woman doesn't need to know that.

And boy is it worth it to see the smile melt away into shock and disgust.

"If that's all?" Spencer asks, immediately getting up.

"That's all."

Spencer hurries out, with one disdainful glance back at Quill, who smiles falsely and gives a patronising little wave. Homophobic parent neutralised and dispatched. Job well done, if Quill does say so herself.

More parents come and go, and Quill manages to be fairly civil to the first few, before she gets tired of it all again.

Thankfully, that's when Vivian Adeola walks in.

"It's good to meet you properly, Miss Quill," she says, smiling and shaking Quill's hand. "I know my girl has learned lots from your class already."

"I think that's more her doing than mine," Quill says.

"I have heard her friends on that video call complaining about the work being too difficult. You're pushing them, then. It's good."

_Yes, it's definitely that, and not just my inability to know or care what level is too much for them._

"Is she well-behaved in class?" Vivian asks.

"More or less. She's probably the student I despise least in the entire school, so I'd take that as a fairly substantial achievement."

To her surprise, Vivian laughs at that. "She did not tell me you were funny."

Quill could point out that it wasn't in any way a joke, but decides that it would be counterproductive. Besides, it reminds her of when Kalei said the same thing to her, during their second ever conversation by the memorial wall. _You're funny. They didn't say you were funny._

Quill offers a fraction of a smile in return. "She's an extremely clever girl. I doubt she'll ever learn anything substantial from me, she does it all herself."

"Often the most important lessons are taught without our knowing," Vivian says. "And children teach us just as much as we teach them."

Quill lifts an eyebrow. "If you say so."

"You have both those boys living with you now, don't you?"

"... yes."

"I understand. My boys are almost the same age. So noisy." Tanya's brothers do not take physics, and so Quill knows very little about them, other than the fact that they're twins.

"Charles and Matteusz mostly keep to themselves," Quill says. "Most noise I ever hear from them is when they're having sex."

The pure surprise on Mrs Adeola's face is priceless, but it lasts only a moment. "Of course, I keep forgetting. It is not right, what that boy's parents did."

"Quite honestly, it astounds me what some people prioritise over their own flesh and blood."

"Exactly," Vivian nods. "I will not deny that if it were one of _my_ children, I wouldn't struggle with it - it's just how I was raised. But they are still my children, and I love them no matter what. No matter _what_."

 _How nice for you,_ Quill thinks, doing her best not to roll her eyes. This has all gotten far too sentimental. Besides, she's not about to hand out an award for basic human decency for such a thing as not throwing out your child just because of their sexual preference.

She settles for just nodding. "Is there anything else you wanted to know, Mrs Adeola?"

"Please, call me Vivian."

"Vivian." Quill is about to repeat her question when she sees the expectant look on Vivian's face. It takes her a good five seconds to even be able to guess what she might want. "Are you wanting us to be on a first name basis, now? Is that what this is?"

Vivian chuckles. "It might be nice, since it seems we'll be seeing a lot of each other. Fellow parents-"

"I'm not a parent," Quill says sharply. "I'm a reluctant guardian, there's a significant difference."

"The point still stands. We will be seeing more of each other."

"Right," Quill says uncertainly. Does this woman want to be her friend? What the hell is she supposed to do with one of those? Kalei is her friend, _and_ she gets to have sex with her. What more could Vivian Adeola offer?

Still, it's flattering, she supposes.

"Andrea," she finally offers, somewhat reluctantly.

"I hope to see more of you, Andrea," Vivian says, smiling as she gets up from her chair. "I know my Tanya is a good girl. Keep giving her the difficult work. It's good for her."

Quill smirks. "I'm sure I can manage that."

After that, it isn't long before Quill is able to dismiss the final lot of parents and pack up her things with a sigh of relief. Now it's _her_ turn. First stop, the English teacher for Matteusz. Within the few seconds it takes for Quill to greet him and make her way inside, she has realised that he is frightfully dull.

"Firstly, can I say that I think it's wonderful what you're doing for, Matteusz," he says, smiling.

"Yes, I'm a regular saint," Quill says sarcastically, tapping her fingers against the desk. "Can we get on with it?"

"Oh, of course!"

He goes on to tell her what a passionate reader and capable analyser Matteusz is, and that his only issues are some minor technical English problems evident in his writing, and occasional gaps in his English vocabulary, but that he mostly makes up for these with the amount of effort he puts in.

There's just something so inherently bland about this man, and the way he talks. Quill never met Clara Oswald, but she's sure that the dead woman would have been more interesting than this.

Quill nods in some of the appropriate places and makes vague noises of agreement until she's allowed to leave.

The conference with the history teacher, for Charlie, is worse. The history teacher is more bearable, and has an air of sharpness to her that Quill can appreciate, but she dotes on Charlie. It's all _what a lovely boy, one of the most charming young men I've encountered in my whole time as a teacher, he's got such an interest in the subject, which is funny since he seems to know so little_ and _oh yes, there was a small adjustment period when he first arrived, with some very odd ideas about things, but those were soon mostly straightened out_. Ugh.

Next is Biology. For both boys. Joy.

Sally Liu looks utterly thrilled to see her. If utterly thrilled here means 'completely resigned to an unfortunate fate'.

"You know, I couldn't believe it when Kalei told me about you being the ward for not one, but two boys," she says to Quill.

"Only one officially, but he calls the shots, so when the boyfriend was kicked out, to our house he came," Quill replies boredly, sitting down on one of the desks. "It could be worse. He could have asked for an _actual_ puppy, not just a Polish boy who acts like one."

"Charlie Smith calls the shots? In _your_ household?" Sally asks, disbelieving.

"It shouldn't surprise you to realise, _Sally_ , that you don't actually know very much about me," Quill says, "and therefore, it's logical that you know virtually nothing of my household."

Sally bristles. "I suppose not. But it's not as if assuming you act the same way at home as you do here is such a leap to make."

"Oh, I certainly try," Quill replies. "But he's in charge. It's… the unconventional terms of the guardianship contract. I'm obligated to do pretty much whatever he tells me."

"Are you serious? You can't be serious," Sally says, frowning at her. Quill holds her gaze and arches an eyebrow. "You're kidding me, right? That sort of thing couldn't be legal."

"It's binding," Quill says flatly. "Kalei knows the details, but I won't be bothering to go into it with you, you'll just have to take her word for it that I'm telling the truth. Now, can we get on with it?"

Sally, for a moment, actually looks concerned for Quill. Or concerned in _some_ regard, anyway. But then, she nods and gets down to business, saying the same thing as the history teacher, about Charlie being a wonderful student after an initial adjustment period and strangeness. Biology is apparently not Matteusz's strong suit, but Sally has seen an improvement in his work in the last few weeks, which she now can guess is down to Charlie's guidance.

"They're both lovely boys, who try hard for the most part," Liu says, smiling.

"Great," Quill says, even though her voice makes it obvious how much she doesn't mean it. "Are we done here? I still have to see Kalei, and I've already passed my limit on hearing how wonderful Charles is."

"Yeah, we've about covered everything. See you around."

It's almost a friendly farewell, and Quill nods at her before making her way to the door. Maybe one day they'll get along, in the unlikely event that Quill doesn't end up dying trying to get the arn out tomorrow.

If not for that thought, it would have been a relief to enter Kalei's classroom and shut the door as she's greeted with a bright smile. As it is, the guilt and Dorothea's warning comes back.

"Can we skip the Charles part of this?" Quill asks Kalei tiredly. "You and I both know that he's a better mathematician than anyone in this class, Miss Adeola included. Just tell me about Matteusz."

"Sure," Kalei says, smiling gently, "just pull up a chair."

Quill does, and the close proximity to Kalei makes her feel a little better. She goes through the problems Matteusz is having, making suggestions on how he can improve and how Charlie might be able to help. Quill does her best to be attentive, but she does get distracted by the curve of Kalei's lips and shoulders once or twice.

Finally, Kalei closes the book on her desk and looks at Quill with a sparkle in her eyes. "And I think that's everything."

"Good, can we get out of here?" Quill asks, nearly moaning with relief.

Kalei stands and offers Quill a hand, grinning. "To my noble carriage, m'lady?"

"Calling that tiny automobile a carriage of any kind is absurd, even without _noble_ attached to it," Quill criticises. She eyes the offered hand dubiously before taking it and letting Kalei pull her up.

"I'm trying to be the good knight to the beautiful maiden," Kalei says, mock pouting. "You're making it very difficult."

"As the actual warrior of this relationship, I'm fairly sure that makes _you_ the beautiful maiden here, Jacobs," Quill retorts, yanking her in so that she can put her hands on Kalei's hips.

Kalei bites her lip, cheeks turning pink at the praise. "My valiant, if sometimes morally questionable, warrior? I'll take it, since it's the closest I can get."

She kisses Quill happily, and Quill pulls her closer, sinking into the kiss and feeling the tension of the last few hours melt away. Finally, they can be free of this place and leave, go back to Kalei's (which Quill already misses far too much), and be alone again. And then, possibly, a picnic.

Or at least, that's the plan before the door slams open.

"Kalei," Sally says urgently, making them break apart and whip around to stare at her. "Kalei, Cheng's been in an accident. His car collided with a truck."

"Oh my god," Kalei says, covering her mouth. "Is he okay?"

"For now, but he's in bad shape. They're taking him to the hospital, and I need to be with him. I need-" Her hand knots into her hair fretfully, panic and despair across her face. "Bolin was in the car with him, but he's fine. Can you come with me and take him home, stay with him until I get back?"

"Of course," Kalei replies, making Quill look at her and frown. "Anything you need, Sally, anything at all."

Sally looks at Quill's disappointed expression. "I'll give you two a minute and meet you in the carpark, yeah?"

"Thank you." Kalei turns to look at Quill apologetically, her hands smoothing across Quill's blazer. "I'm sorry, I know we sort of had plans, but this is more important."

"But I-" _I'm probably going to die tomorrow, and wanted a last chance to try and - I don't know, convey my gratitude for everything you've done for me. In a way that's easier than words._

"No 'buts,'" Kalei says firmly. "We can wait until tomorrow."

Quill closes her mouth and stares at her. Part of her wants to cry. This isn't fair. If she's going to die, she at least wants a chance to make a decent goodbye of it, even if that goodbye doesn't actually involve telling Kalei what is going to happen.

She knows she should. Maybe it would make Kalei choose her over Sally tonight, and as much as Quill hates to admit it, Kalei certainly deserves the truth.

But Quill can't. She can't stand the thought of the things Kalei's face might do if she tells her what will likely happen tomorrow. To say nothing about what kind of words might come out of Kalei's mouth.

"Yeah, whatever," Quill mutters. "See you tomorrow then." She tries to storm out, only for Kalei to catch her arm and pull her back.

"Hey, don't get angry with me for this," Kalei says, frowning. "I'm not putting my sex life before the needs of my best friend."

"It's not - look, just let me be pissed, alright? I'll explain tomorrow, probably," Quill says.

Kalei kisses her, softly, and for half a moment Quill has a mind to resist and lean away from it, but then she gives in and pulls Kalei closer, trying to pour everything she had wanted to try and convey tonight into the kiss.

By the time she pulls away, Kalei is breathing hard and staring at her with wide eyes.

"Okay, so maybe you're _not_ angry with me," she says, confused. "What's going on with you?"

"Tomorrow," Quill murmurs, licking her lips and slipping out of her grasp. "I'll... see you tomorrow, Kalei. Best of luck with Sally's… whoever he is."

"Her brother," Kalei replies. "I'm going to be looking after his son."

"Sure, whatever."

Quill leaves, and takes the time to punch an outer wall of the school to vent some of her frustration before starting on her walk home.

As much as she wants and needs to survive the ordeal tomorrow, for her people's sake as much as her own, a part of her thinks that if she does die, at least she'll never have to return to this blasted house and see Charles' face again. It's a pleasant (if morbid) thought that lifts her spirits a fraction as she goes inside and makes a beeline for her room, before the boys can realise she's home and try and ask her questions about parent's evening.

The strip of photos of her and Kalei from the photobooth lies in the top drawer of Quill's beside table, and she takes it out to look at it. It feels strange to think of how happy they had been on Sunday. It's all about to change, one way or another.

Quill brushes her thumb over Kalei's tiny face and murmurs an apology, before returning the photo to its resting place and settling in for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you liked the nice long chapter! Please let me know what you thought! 
> 
> (Oh, and I hope you enjoyed the fluff, because we're about to veer sharply into Angst Lane now. Strap in and prepare for Feelings, kiddos.)


	20. The Price of Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill tries to say goodbye to Kalei without telling her the truth. It doesn't quite work out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *conductor voice* and right here, folks, we'll be taking a nice left turn into Angst Lane.

_You let me heal,_

_From the things that I've done._

_So let me heal you,_

_You've been strong for far too long._

_So say you'll fight, fight, fight for you,_

_If not for you then for what we started._

_Maybe it's a little bit selfish,_

_I'm not ready to let you go._

_Oh, fight for you._

_Oh, fight for me_

**Fight For You - Taylah Cox**

* * *

Quill makes a beeline for Dorothea's office the next morning. As per usual not bothering to knock and instead simply barging inside, Quill finds the Headmistress is waiting for her, as poised as ever, in her chair behind the desk.

"So, when do we get started?" Quill asks.

"Still so set on a course so likely to end in your demise," Dorothea says softly. "Do you not value your own life at all?"

"Not as much as I value the chance at freedom."

"And Kalei? Have you told her anything of this?"

"Of course I haven't. She'd only try to stop me."

Dorothea fixes her with a look of disapproval and exasperation. "You owe her a warning, and some kind of explanation, Quill."

"I don't owe her anything-"

"Yes, I rather think you do. She's been very good to you."

Quill feels irritation and fury flare inside her at this woman's nerve. "Stop talking about my relationship with her like you have any idea. You don't, and you shouldn't, so just shut up, alright?"

Dorothea lifts an eyebrow. "If Kalei were about to risk her life on a mission almost certainly guaranteed to end in her death, wouldn't _you_ want to know?"

Quill opens her mouth to say that all her life she has dealt with friends and comrades risking their lives and losing them over and over. Hell, her lover had gone out that way. _I'm going to make a break for it, Commander,_ he'd told her, _I can take out that turret, I know it._

She'd agreed with him. Told him to go. She had believed in his ability - but sometimes ability isn't enough. Sometimes life is just cruel. He'd gotten in a few good shots, but then she'd watched the turret blast hit him full on. Watched his strong, powerful body crumple and disintegrate.

She still remembers the way she had howled with grief, how she'd lunged out from behind her cover and destroyed the turret in her blinding rage before plowing through the battle and striking down every Rhodia that came into her path, until the knockout gas had been blasted into the square, taking down Rhodia and Quill alike. (A far more civilised way of concluding a battle, the Rhodian Queen would say later, when Quill - by that point bound and brought in front of the queen along with her highest officers - had screamed at her about how dishonourable it was to avoid confronting your enemies directly.)

Losing one lover had sent Quill into a haze of fury and grief. What would she do if faced with losing another? The thought of losing Kalei is not one she can stomach, and she hates herself for that (because she has always ensured that she is ready to lose anyone, at any time).

Would she want to know if Kalei were about to go on a suicide mission? Of course she would.

"Alright, fine, point taken," Quill says, groaning. "I'll tell her, but there's no way she won't be upset by this. Oh god, what if she starts crying? I don't know how to deal with that!"

"You'll have to," Dorothea says, arching an eyebrow. "Emotions are part of the deal with most relationships, you know."

"Urgh. Can't we just, you know, do it now, and I'll just try _really_ hard not to die, and she never has to know?"

"No," Dorothea tells her, fixing her with a firm look. "It'll be this afternoon after school, in the auditorium. I need time to organise the final details, if you want any chance of actually surviving this. Now, if you can, put that little gaggle of teenagers in detention to keep them out of our way and prevent them from getting mixed up in anything while we can't keep them in check."

"Put Charles and the others in detention?" Quill asks, a grin working its way onto her face. "Gladly."

"And for goodness' sake, please ensure you _do_ talk to Miss Jacobs at some point," Dorothea says with exasperation, "I have no interest in having to break the news of your death to her if you haven't even taken the time to tell her what we're going to be attempting. Not that having a pretty thing like her crying on my shoulder and being in need of…comforting…is the worst thing I can imagine, but that's far from the point, and your death would really put a damper on things."

Quill cocks an eyebrow at her. "Are you trying to imply that in the event of my death, you've going to take advantage of my-" She stops short.

Dorothea blinks at her innocently. "Your what, exactly?"

"Are you trying to make me jealous? So that I'll talk to her?"

"Possibly. Is it working?"

"No," Quill says, hotly, "I'm not human, I don't adhere to your ridiculous monogamy structures; if you want to seduce my girlfriend, go ahead."

Dorothea just smirks. Quill realises what she said.

"That wasn't - I didn't mean - she's not my _girlfriend_ ," Quill tries to say. "And for the record, she can get up to whatever the hell she likes with you, but if you _ever_ take advantage of her when she is vulnerable, I swear I will rise from my freshly dug grave just to strangle you with my bare hands."

Dorothea, to her credit, doesn't so much as flinch as Quill advances on her. She does, however, look at Quill with something bizarrely close to hurt.

"Contrary to what you might believe, Quill, I'm not actually a bad person. I'm not a good person either, not remotely, but I would never do such a thing to anyone, least of all Kalei. I happen to like and respect her greatly. "

Quill isn't quite sure how to answer that, mainly because she's not completely sure she believes her. She glances back at the doorway, wondering if she can leave.

"I'll see you after school, Headmistress."

"Until then, Miss Quill."

* * *

During the morning break, Kalei is talking with Sally in the latter's classroom about her brother's condition (stable, for now, and Sally's going to leave school early to go and check on him at the hospital) when Sally's eyes lock onto something over Kalei's shoulder and she goes quiet.

"What?"

Kalei turns around to see Quill in the doorway, a kind of awkward uncertainty about her in place of her usual derisive confidence.

"Can we… talk?" Quill asks, hands in her pockets.

Kalei finds herself exchanging a look with Sally, who seems similarly perplexed by her odd demeanour. Sally shrugs and nods towards the door as silent permission for her to go.

"Of course," Kalei says, grabbing her things. "I'll catch you later, Sally."

"See ya."

Kalei follows Quill out into the corridor. "What's up? Are you alright?"

"Look, I don't have long, I have to get back to my classroom and get something sorted," Quill says quietly. "I just needed to, er. See you."

"Any particular reason?"

Quill's eyes are surprisingly conflicted, and she opens her mouth only to shut it again. "No, not really," she ends up saying, shrugging and giving Kalei a sheepish look. "I just - you know how much you've improved my fairly pathetic life, don't you? How much that matters to me." She closes her eyes, for a moment. "How much… _you_ matter."

Whatever Kalei had been expecting, it wasn't this. She stares at Quill for a moment while she tries to work out what to say.

"Sorry," Quill says when she doesn't reply fast enough, making a face of disgust, "that was grossly sentimental. Weird day. Probably only going to get weirder. I'll explain later, if I can."

"I happen to _like_ grossly sentimental," Kalei chuckles. "That was really sweet."

"Yeah, well, I mean it," Quill tells her seriously, but also like she's distracted, somehow. "Avenging my people is what gives me a reason to keep on living, but you're the reason that continuing to live has been even remotely bearable. And I know I'm a miserable, ungrateful bitch, and you deserve better than that, so...thank you."

Kalei bites her lip and then hugs her as tightly as she can, because that's an acceptable thing for the students to see them doing, surely. Even if Quill buries her face into her shoulder like first time and holds her like she's the only anchor left on the this planet.

Maybe she is.

"It's not your fault that you're miserable," Kalei tells her. "You deserve to be happy. Don't ever think otherwise."

"I know. You help me feel like it's possible. Maybe it is. Or will be." The hug isn't short by any means, but when Quill pulls away it is with a reluctance that Kalei can both see and feel. "I need to go," she mutters, before walking off.

"I'll see you later," Kalei calls after her.

"Hopefully!"

* * *

Quill's words have Kalei smiling like a sap for a good hour and a half. It's not like Kalei didn't know most of the things Quill had said - Quill is much more show than tell, which Kalei generally thinks is a good thing - but there _is_ something affirming about hearing them said aloud. About knowing Quill is confident enough to acknowledge them.

Except, as the days gets on and it gets closer to lunchtime, the more Kalei thinks about it, the stranger the whole thing seems. What could possibly have prompted that visit? What could have happened since yesterday to push Quill into saying things that clearly don't come naturally to her?

_Weird day. Probably only going to get weirder._

_You help me feel like it's possible. Maybe it is. Or will be._

_Can we talk? Look, I don't have long, I have to get back to my classroom and get something sorted...I need to go…_

All at once, as she stares out at her fifth form class, Kalei is completely certain that something is very wrong. Something Quill isn't telling her. Worry knots in her stomach until the bell for lunch finally goes and she can hurry off to find Quill.

When she sees her down the corridor, she lets out a sigh of relief and hurries after her.

"Andy," she says, catching her by the wrist.

Quill whirls around, tense and coiled to strike until she sees who is touching her. "Oh," she says, slumping from her stance, "Kalei."

"What aren't you telling me?" Kalei demands.

Something flashes through Quill's eyes. It looks suspiciously like guilt, or something close. But then it's gone and replaced by a mask of confusion. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she says.

Kalei wants to slap her. "No, don't you _dare_ treat me like an idiot. I'm not _stupid_ , Quill, I know you wouldn't just say those things on a whim. You have a reason. And that sounded...a lot like a goodbye. Or an apology."

"Or both?" Quill says softly.

"Yes. Or both. So I'll ask you again. What. Aren't. You. Telling. Me?"

"Look, I don't know how to tell you without you having some kind of hissy fit or meltdown or just generally getting up in my face about it, alright?" Quill tells her defensively. "I've been trying to think how I can get you to see it my way, but it's difficult, okay?"

"When have I ever not seen things your way, or at least tried my hardest to?" Kalei asks her, frowning with confusion. "Why would you think that whatever this is would be different?"

"Because this time, I'm about to do something that could _very easily_ end with me _dead_!" Quill shouts.

Kalei is so taken aback that she can only stare, and is still working out how the hell to respond to that when Dorothea Ames appears out of nowhere, as she has a bizarre knack for doing.

"Now now, you're starting to draw attention to yourselves," the Headmistress tells them, with that gentle scolding look and tone she does so well, and sure enough when they glance around, there are some nearby students watching them curiously, "I suggest the two of you take this into my office, where you can get this sorted out once and for all."

Quill's mouth tightens. "Fine." She turns on her heel and walks off, leaving Kalei no choice but to mutter a 'thanks' to Dorothea before following. They weave their way through the students, Kalei able to follow in the slipstream of the path Quill clears by the sheer power of physical intimidation and glaring.

Once inside Dorothea's office, the door shut and serving to give them some proper privacy, more or less, the weight of Quill's words are finally starting to settle in Kalei's chest.

"Explain," she says to Quill, who has sat down on the edge of Dorothea's desk and is pointedly avoiding her gaze. "Quill, explain. Now."

"The Headmistress is helping me get the arn out," Quill says simply.

"You mean, the arn that is supposed to kill you if you try to remove it?"

"No, the other one," Quill retorts, sarcasm leaking from every word. "I said that it could very easily end with me dead, didn't I?"

"Then why risk it?"

"You know why! Because every second this thing is in my head, I am not just a slave, I am cut off from the ways of my people, the only way I've ever known how to live," Quill says, her voice getting louder and trembling with emotion and desperation.

"I know," Kalei whispers, "oh god, I _know_ , Andy. But how likely is it that you'll just die, trying this?"

Quill purses her lips and looks back at the ground.

It's all the answer Kalei needs, and she feels tears spring to her eyes - at the prospect of losing Quill, at being so blatantly faced with the fact that Quill feels so trapped and miserable in the life she lives that she is willing to go against these odds to change it.

"Is there really nothing about the life you have worth holding onto? Nothing worth living for?" She asks.

"I have _several_ things to live for," Quill says fiercely. "Do you think it's easy for me to risk my life when my people remain unavenged? You saw what nearly failing them once did to me. But I can't avenge them while this thing is in my head. I have to do this, for them. Better to die trying than to remain helpless. It's the only thing that matters."

"Right, because that isn't a slap in the face at all," Kalei says, feeling nauseous. "What happened to _you matter to me_? Or was that just bullshit, so I wouldn't think so badly of you if you didn't come back?"

Quill winces. "I didn't mean...the _only_ thing. But it's the most important thing. They have to come first, Kalei. They always have, they always will. I've never made a secret of this."

"But you were just going to do it, just leave me with pretty words and go and risk your life without me having any idea what you were going to do-"

"I don't know how to do this with a civilian!" Quill shouts at her, making Kalei stop short.

"What?"

"All my life, the only people I've been close with personally have been my fellow soldiers," Quill explains, pushing away from the desk and pacing slightly. "I'm not used to having to _explain_ that I'm going to do something reckless, that death is a risk, because it always went without saying. I'm not used to having to take anyone else into account. _I don't know what I'm supposed to do_."

"You're supposed to talk to me," Kalei says softly. "No more secrets. That was the deal."

"Look, I swear, once it was pointed out to me, I wanted to tell you," Quill insists, eyes wide and earnest, "but I knew you'd be against it, that you'd try to stop me. And if this is going to be the last time I ever see you, I don't want this to be some futile argument-"

"Futile argument? We're talking about your life!"

"Yes, _my_ life. Ultimately, it's my decision."

Kalei can't exactly argue with that. Instead she thinks of other angles she can take, other ways to try and convince her not to take the risk, or at least understand without a shadow of a doubt why it is necessary.

"How long have you been planning on doing this?" she asks.

Quill sighs, just a little. "She offered on Friday. My help with the petals in exchange for her helping me. She said to come and see her on Monday. I did, she told me that we'd be ready to undertake things by today."

"And how long have you known you would take her up on it?"

"Since the moment she offered."

The anger and indignance strike back up in Kalei's chest. "Right, so this whole weekend, through all of that, you knew that you were going to waltz in here today and put your life on the line, and you didn't think just once that I might deserve to know that? That I might like to know that the woman I - the woman I care about is going to risk her life on some suicidal attempt at freedom?"

"That's just the problem!" Quill shouts. "It _didn't_ occur to me, because I'm not used to anybody actually caring!"

Silence falls after the words fade between them. Horrible, awful, aching silence. Kalei feels tears come to her eyes in greater abundance, actually falling down her cheek this time. Quill's eyes are wet too.

"How could you not have it in your head by now, you stupid, ridiculous alien?" Kalei asks, hopelessly.

"Because you still feel like a dream, Kalei," Quill whispers. "I've spent months upon months being treated like scum, as less deserving of any dignity. Like a slave, like a nuisance of a bodyguard, like the teacher who just lives to torture her students. No dignity, no respect, no one treating me like what I feel is _valid_ or worth _anything_."

"Until me."

"Until you," Quill says, nodding, and she reaches out for Kalei, cupping her face with one hand. "And it's been wonderful and more than I could ever hope for. So much so that it just doesn't feel real. Deep down, I'm just the same. I am Quill. I am the soldier they tried to torture for information only to realise it wasn't going to work. The commander who gave up that information the moment they tried to torture my people instead of me. I am the slave they broke in order to show my people that we had _lost_."

"Oh Andy," Kalei murmurs, through a sheen of tears, "I'm sorry."

"My people's murderers will continue to live and thrive and massacre unless I free myself," Quill says urgently, her voice still soft, her eyes still shining with tears as well. "You might make this life more bearable, but it's still killing me. Every day."

"I know," Kalei says honestly. "I do know that, I can see it. I'm just scared to lose you-"

"Yeah, well, I'm scared to lose _you_!" Quill retorts, surprising her. "Kalei, if we were attacked, and both you and Charlie were in danger, this thing in my head means I would have to turn my back on you to rescue him instead. And… that's not something I'm sure I could live with."

Kalei pushes her nose up against Quill's and feels her whole body tremble. "You… you really have to do this, don't you?"

"I do," Quill says, so softly her voice is barely audible, "or in six month's time, I don't know that there will be anything left of me to save."

"And what am I supposed to do?" Kalei asks, wishing with everything in her that she could hold back the tears but failing epically. "Am I supposed to just wave you off and wish you luck, and wait? Wait for you to come back, knowing that there's every chance I'll never see you again? That's not fair."

Quill looks at her with such a profound sadness that Kalei's stomach drops into her gut. "Nothing ever is." She reaches out to brush away a stray curl from Kalei's face. "But I promise to fight harder to survive today than I ever have in my life. For my people, for myself, and for you. I promise that I will fight until my last breath."

"You'd better," Kalei says, before pulling her into a hug even tighter than before, a hug of sheer desperation.

"I will," Quill assures her, her voice low and comforting in Kalei's ear as she hugs her back with strength that makes her breathless. It's hard to know how long they cling to each other. When they pull away and their eyes meet, both red and wet still, Kalei reaches out to brush Quill's cheek with her thumb.

"I-" She doesn't quite know what she's trying to say. Doesn't know what she should or what she wants to.

"Shhh," Quill whispers, her own thumb tracing Kalei's lips. "I think, maybe, the time for talking has passed."

And then they're kissing, furiously, desperately, like there's thirty minutes until the end of the world - which is almost true. It's not long until the potential end of theirs. Of the world they have built for themselves in the safe bubble of these classrooms and hallways and Kalei's apartment.

The world that is so fragile, so easily shattered.

For the first time, as Kalei clings to Quill with everything she has, she thinks she might have an idea of how helpless Quill feels all the time, about everything. Because right now, this is all she can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *conductor voice* and now, first major stop on Angst Lane coming up soon: the "please don't die" sex (and in the Headteacher's office, for purely aesthetic reasons, of course)
> 
> For real though, thanks for reading, and as we start dealing with The Emotions I'd obviously really love to get your feedback!


	21. A Civilian's Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill and Kalei make good use of what little time is left to them. And of Dorothea Ames' furniture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I give Dorothea's office special powers just so Quillei could fuck in there? The answer is yes, definitely. But, you know, Dorothea would want to have that extra level of security. Or maybe she just plans on seducing some pretty ladies in there too, who knows? (I think, both.)
> 
> This chapter is entirely angsty smut. So firstly, you're welcome, and secondly, I'm sorry.

_And I was burnin' up a fever_

_I didn't care much how long I lived_

_But I swear I thought I dreamed her_

_She never asked me once about the wrong I did_

**Work Song - Hozier**

* * *

Quill is so lost in the haze of emotions and the feel of Kalei's mouth against hers that she doesn't realise she's started backing Kalei up towards the lounge seat until the brunette wrenches herself away.

"Quill, we - we can't, we're at _school_ , we're in _Dorothea's office_ , there are windows in that door. Someone might have already seen us," she says to Quill, reaching up to right her crooked glasses.

Quill stops and lets go of Kalei, with a very vocal groan of frustration. Never has anything gone against her base instincts more. This isn't fair; this might be the last little pocket of time left to them, and she can't even touch Kalei for fear of social fucking etiquette.

"Wait," she says a few moments later, her head snapping towards the door and then to Dorothea's desk. "The door, the windows, on Monday, she-"

Quill crosses the room and feels around the edge of Dorothea's desk until her fingers find the small metal switch and flick it. The windows in the door turn black and the noise from the corridor disappears.

"What just happened?" Kalei asks, gaping at the door as Quill moves to check that it is also locked.

"The Headmistress likes her privacy," Quill says, before frowning, "or… something. I don't know, when it comes down to it, she's a highly suspicious character, and I don't really trust her about as far as you could throw her."

"And yet you're letting her help you with something very possibly lethal," Kalei says tightly.

"I don't have a choice."

Kalei swallows. "No, I suppose not."

"Now that I've taken care of the door issue, can we please have sex now? I'm going to go out of my mind if I can't touch you," Quill tells her seriously.

A tiny giggle escapes Kalei, even though her eyes are still red rimmed and not quite dry. She slips her feet out of her shoes and puts her glasses on the nearby coffee table. "Get over here, then."

Quill crosses the room to kiss her again, only to find the height difference a bit too irritating. "Wait, no, you're too short now-"

"Those boots of yours will take too long to take off, just deal with it," Kalei tells her, kissing her impatiently.

"Is that an honest answer or do you just like the boots?"

"Both."

Quill rolls her eyes, finding herself laughing just a little with exasperation. As she kisses Kalei again, her hands move to the zipper of Kalei's dress, yanking it down so that Kalei can step out of it and throw it aside. Quill shrugs off her coat and pulls her own dress over her head, leaving her in her underwear and her boots.

Which might be why Kalei is staring at her.

"What?"

"You can't die," Kalei whispers. "You're too _fucking_ beautiful to die."

Of course, Quill can't help but preen a little at that. She never tires of the compliments. Of having someone actually place value on her life, on her.

"Get on that," Quill says, her throat thick with emotion as she nods towards the lounge seat. Kalei does, and Quill wastes no time in climbing on top of her, kissing her hard and pressing one of her knees between Kalei's thighs so that she moans a little into Quill's mouth.

They fumble with each other's bras in their hurry, but eventually those are on the floor too and Quill is cupping Kalei's breasts in her hands as she kisses down her neck and across her collarbone. Kalei arches into her every touch, letting out the tiny little breaths and sighs and gasps that Quill has come to love so very much.

"You know, I've found a couple of other humans attractive, but you're the only one I've ever thought is actually, properly beautiful," Quill murmurs against her skin.

An odd laugh escapes Kalei. "Have you considered that you might be biased?"

Quill pauses for a moment. "Hm. Actually, that's a fair point."

Kalei laughs again. "Well, I appreciate it all the same. But please get back to touching me now."

One of Quill's hands slides down Kalei's body, slipping down past the waistband of her underwear and seeking out the slick warmth at the apex of her legs. Kalei's hips buck impatiently into her hand when she pauses to pull the underwear off completely.

Every time they do this, Quill is amazed at how good Kalei feels around her fingers, how soft her skin is underneath her hands and mouth. How much she loves the way Kalei drops her head back when Quill curls her fingers in a certain way, or how that breathy little sigh escapes her when Quill grazes her thumb over her clit.

Quill thinks that she could stay here forever, with Kalei's warm body underneath her, her soft voice whispering 'please' and 'yes' and 'more' in her ear, as Quill's fingers take her and stroke her.

The thought that Quill might never experience this again is an awful one. It makes her go that much faster and harder, her need combining with a rage at the universe for daring to even threaten to take this away from her.

The force and new pace soon has Kalei crying out softly.

"Andy, you - you need to be gentler with me," she says, whimpering. "That hurts."

Quill is horrified to realise that the arn has been making her head twinge, and she'd been so caught up in it all that she hadn't even noticed. She stops everything and is about to apologise profusely when Kalei shakes her head frantically and presses her hips against her hand.

"No, don't stop! It's okay. Please. Just not so hard."

Quill almost wants to argue.

"Andy, please," Kalei begs, and the 'please,' as always, sends the blood in Quill's body south in a rush of heat.

As her fingers resume their pace, gentler this time, she kisses Kalei softly, hoping it can serve as the apology she wasn't given time to say. Kalei kisses her back, or tries to, but she's so close to release that her head drops back to rest on the cushion while her breathing gets shallow.

Kalei lets out a sharp cry, and Quill holds her tight through the orgasm, kissing her neck just under her ear and lightly brushing the heel of her palm against her clit to keep her in that peak as long as she can.

They stay there for quite a while - Kalei getting her breath back, Quill cleaning her fingers on Kalei's thigh, partly because it's convenient and partly because a selfish part of her wants to leave a mark on Kalei in case the arn kills her and she never comes back.

Kalei's fingertips trace Quill's spine as they lie there with their legs dangling over the end of the seat.

"What if we just stayed here and never left? No Shadowkin, no Charlie, no Dorothea Ames, just...us," Kalei says quietly.

"It's certainly tempting," Quill replies, lifting her head so that she can nudge Kalei's nose with her own.

Kalei smiles and nuzzles her back, until a look of horror crosses her face. "Oh my god, we just had sex in Dorothea's office. We just had sex in our boss' office."

"So?"

"I can't believe I just did this. I used to be a _professional_."

"Well, how about this, we'll make sure to leave her chair alone. That _professional_ enough for you?" Quill asks, wryly.

Kalei blinks. "What, just the chair - oh no. Quill, we _can't_ , the fact that we did _this_ is bad enough-"

"You forget, I've spent a lot of time researching common sexual fantasies amongst your species. So are you _really_ going to tell me that you wouldn't be interested in getting eaten out while sitting on the edge of that desk over there?"

A strangled noise escapes Kalei's throat, making Quill grin.

"Thought so. But first, it's my turn."

Quill gets up, pulling Kalei up with her and smirking when she's just a bit unsteady on her feet. Quill walks backwards and then turns around, sitting Kalei down in the loveseat closest to them and straddling her.

Kalei's eyes are dark as she takes in the sight and runs her hands up the curve of Quill's waist, brushing her thumbs over Quill's breasts. But then tears spring to Kalei's eyes again, and Quill dips her head to kiss them away, to kiss her lips over and over while guiding one of Kalei's hands between her legs.

Kalei has always been a quick study, and it isn't long before Quill is riding her hand slowly, kissing Kalei all the while and moaning into her mouth every time her fingers find a sensitive spot inside her. Nothing is as sensitive as where her thumb is circling, though, close but not quite _there,_ driving Quill insane.

It should feel familiar. Or normal. But it doesn't, because there's just something completely different about it. It's not just lust driving them now, it's need on an emotional level, and that's foreign and terrifying but also that much more invigorating.

There's also, you know, the crying. Sex with crying is weird. And yet, somehow, not.

"Kalei," Quill pleads, and she won't say please, not while she's still a slave and she's this close to being free. Not yet. But saying her name like this works about the same.

"I know," Kalei says against her mouth, and their kisses taste salty from the tears both of them are still shedding. "We're almost there. You're so beautiful. So beautiful and so strong."

The praise sends warmth through Quill's body, and when combined with Kalei's thumb finally touching the bundle of nerves it's been teasing for so long, Quill cries out because she's so close, trembling from head to toe, head resting in the crook of Kalei's neck.

She comes quietly, just a tiny whimper against Kalei's pulse point. Again, Kalei's free hand traces the line of her back.

It isn't enough. Quill's suddenly not sure that anything will be enough.

"More," she says. "Can I be the one sitting on the desk? I just - I need more, I need _you_ , every way I-"

Kalei nods quickly, kissing her quiet before Quill gets off her lap and drags her to the next piece of furniture - the desk. Quill sits on the edge of it and pulls Kalei in to kiss her long and slow and hard.

"By my estimate, we have enough time for one more orgasm each," Quill tells her, and Kalei laughs against her lips, albeit in a hopeless kind of way. "I'd rather get myself out of the way so I can take my time with you."

Kalei stares at her, brown eyes large and sad and aching. Then she kisses Quill and drops to her knees, pulling down Quill's underwear, which she had just pushed to the side before. She leaves it dangling from one of Quill's feet and then kisses her thighs slowly.

"Kalei, I just told you, we're pressed for time," Quill tells her.

"Don't rush me," Kalei snaps, expression fierce. "You don't get to put a potential time limit on the remainder of our time together and then rush me."

Quill stays quiet after that. Finally, Kalei's mouth gets where she wants it, and she lets one hand grip the edge of the desk while the other sinks into Kalei's soft curls. Her body is still hyper-sensitive from the first orgasm, but thankfully Kalei seems to be aware of that, because her lips and tongue are ever so soft on Quill.

Quill's not sure she knew that sex could be this gentle. New tears spring to her eyes and _dear god, she also never thought sex could involve crying in any way that wasn't pathetic_. But it's not pathetic; her emotions aren't weaknesses, they're part of the reason she'll be fighting so hard to survive this afternoon.

"Andy, are you-"

Quill nods when Kalei pauses to look up at her with concern, and the brunette's face softens with understanding. She kisses Quill's hip and thigh before returning her mouth to the apex of her legs.

The impossibly soft strokes of Kalei's tongue build Quill back up quickly, until she's gripping the desk hard enough that she has a fleeting concern about breaking it.

She shouts her orgasm and Kalei's name to the ceiling. She can feel Kalei smiling against her thigh.

Afterwards, as she breathes deeply, Quill spots some tissues on Dorothea's desk just within her reach and grabs two as her other hand pulls Kalei to her feet. She uses the first tissue to delicately clean Kalei's wet mouth, and the second between her own legs before getting her underwear back on.

Quill then puts the tissues in the bin and looks back at Kalei, who suddenly seems very conscious of the fact that she is standing naked in a place where she knows she shouldn't be. Her arms are crossed over her chest self-consciously.

"Don't do that," Quill says as she comes back around the desk, taking Kalei's hands and bringing them back down to her side, "You're lovely. Every inch of you."

Kalei ducks her head and smiles. "Thank you." There is a brief silence and then she giggles.

"What?" Quill asks, frowning at her.

"...you're holding my hands."

On any other day, Quill probably would have teased her, or just snorted and changed the subject. But today, right now, the laugh that escapes her is sad and aching and _goddess, she's crying again_. Damn this human form, and its leaking tear ducts.

"I know, it's disgusting," she says, with a wry smile, and Kalei's laugh is the same as hers, laughing because the alternative is just crying and nothing else.

"Please don't die," Kalei whispers.

Quill wants to say _I won't_. But she can't bring herself to believe that it's true, that getting the arn out will actually work. And yet, she can't not try. It's, quite frankly, a shit situation all round.

So instead, Quill kisses Kalei, and pulls her to the desk so she can sit Kalei in the exact spot she herself had been occupying only a minute before.

"I'm sorry," she says instead, kissing her way down Kalei's torso and dropping to her knees so that she can push Kalei's thighs apart and run her fingers up them.

"Doing this doesn't fix anything," Kalei whispers as she looks down at her.

Quill meets her eyes for a moment and gives her a weak smile. "I know. But it's all either of us can do for the moment."

She keeps kissing at Kalei's lower stomach until she's squirming, and then lets her mouth go lower and draw some proper responses. Kalei's hand twists in Quill's hair, and Quill welcomes the pleasant feeling of the tug.

Quill, all too aware of the very strong chance that this is the last time she will do this, lets herself get lost in the different sensations. The taste of Kalei under her tongue, the smooth skin of her thighs with the ever so slight softness of newly growing hairs underneath her palms, the sound of Kalei's tiny gasps.

It isn't enough. As much as she might like Kalei's body, it's Kalei herself she hates the idea of leaving.

Quill gets back on her feet, wipes her mouth on the back of her hand, and kisses Kalei desperately. Kalei kisses her back, while also guiding one of Quill's hands back between her legs.

_This is better_ , Quill thinks as she lets her fingers sink into the wet warmth yet again. It's always better when she can see Kalei's face. Kalei's eyes have fallen shut as she takes in a deep breath, and Quill nuzzles her nose, making her smile.

One of Kalei's hands comes to cup Quill's face, making Quill blink at her with surprise. Kalei's eyes are soft and warm as she meets Quill's. Quill curls her fingers and watches her face contort ever so slightly, watches her bite her bottom lip.

It's quiet, and wordless. It's just Kalei's thumb against Quill's cheek and her other hand behind Quill's neck, and Quill's free hand at Kalei's waist while her other keeps a steady pace.

As Kalei gets closer to her peak, she pulls Quill closer, clutching her like a lifeline. "No matter what happens, I'm still glad I brought you that coffee," she says.

Quill brings her hand from Kalei's waist to her hair and strokes a hand over it. "Me too. Me too."

A light press of her thumb and Kalei is shuddering in her arms.

"That's it, almost there," Quill murmurs, "Good girl. My good girl."

Kalei exhales sharply against the skin of Quill's neck, while Quill keeps stroking her hair. She might be relatively new to physical affection, but it's not that difficult a concept to grasp, and it's her fault that Kalei needs it.

Her neck feels wet. Kalei is crying again.

"Come on," Quill whispers, keeping her touch between Kalei's legs gentle but speeding up until she can feel Kalei's shaking body and shallow breathing. "There we go. Let go."

To her surprise, she feels Kalei shaking her head and so pulls her back by her hair.

"What?" she asks, her fingers coming to a brief halt. "What's wrong?"

Kalei swallows. "I don't want you to leave."

"Well, I have to, and we only have five minutes until the bell rings," Quill says sharply. "Kalei, just look at me. Focus on my voice and my hands."

Kalei says nothing, but she holds Quill's gaze and that's enough. Quill withdraws her fingers just enough so that her third finger can slowly stroke at Kalei's clit.

"Oh god," Kalei whispers.

It isn't long before she has Kalei on the edge again, but like before there is a tension in her body, a shaking of her head.

"What?" Quill asks, frowning at her. "Why are you fighting it? Kalei, look at me, and let go. Of everything, or whatever this is, let go and let me do this for you, at least one more time."

Kalei shakes her head again, her teary eyes shining with defiance. "When I do, you'll have to leave," she whispers. "If I can just - hold on - then maybe you won't-"

"Kalei, you're not making any sense, listen to yourself," Quill tells her, taken aback. "We have classes to get to, and even if we didn't, you'd never last that long."

"I could try," Kalei says fiercely. "It's the only thing left I can do-"

"No, what you can do is give yourself over to this. Give me another memory worth fighting for," Quill replies, "I can't promise I'll come back, Kalei, but I promise to try my hardest. That's all either of us can do."

"I hate this," Kalei murmurs, deflating and wiping tears from her eyes.

"Me too," Quill says, and starts moving her finger again. Kalei swallows and holds her gaze as her breathing gets short again. "But give me this, Kalei. One last thing, just this, that's what you can do."

Kalei's orgasm comes with a sob, and she sinks into Quill's arms.

"Good girl," Quill whispers, stroking her hair again, "Thank you. You beautiful, stubborn thing."

"This is so fucked up," Kalei says, "You think you're probably going to die, and you're still going to do it."

"I have to. You know why."

"My head understands. I'm not so sure my heart does."

Quill doesn't know how to respond to that, and so instead reaches for another tissue to clean between Kalei's legs, before pulling away to make another trip to the bin. By the time she turns back around, Kalei is off the desk and crossing the room to fetch her underwear and put it back on.

"One minute until the bell," Quill says as she does the same, just because she's not sure what else to say.

The bells rings just as Quill is pulling her coat on. Kalei looks like she's about to start crying again.

"Come back," she says.

"I'll try."

"Not good enough. Say you _will_."

"I can't. No, no more of that," Quill tells her sternly when Kalei's eyes well up. She moves to pick up Kalei's glasses once she's flicked the switch on the desk to return the room to its normal state. "You've shed enough tears over me. I don't deserve any more."

Kalei blinks at her with surprise and then her forehead creases. "Don't tell me what to do or how to feel."

"Why not? I know myself better than you do," Quill retorts. "I got this thing put in my head because I killed people, some of them innocent. I got a student here killed too, you know. To save myself. Why are you so convinced I'm worth it? It's not that I necessarily think I'm not, it just doesn't make any feasible sense that _you_ think I am."

"Why are you saying all this?" Kalei says, horrified, before something flashes through her eyes. "No, wait, I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to push me away again. You're trying to soften the blow, make me feel like you're not worth grieving."

Quill purses her lips. She hadn't anticipated Kalei working out what she was doing, but definitely should have. She needs to stop underestimating her.

"You're too clever for your own good," Quill says, moving forward to slowly slide Kalei's glasses onto her face.

"And you're - impossible," Kalei says, her voice shaking with anger. "Don't you dare try and manipulate me like that again."

"I didn't say anything that wasn't true."

"That isn't the point."

"Oh? Then what is?" Quill can't help herself, her natural tone of mocking slipping out.

"The only reason I can think of for why you're doing this is that you really think you're not going to be coming back," Kalei says.

Quill doesn't know what to say. There's no argument that wouldn't be a lie. Her jaw clenches instead, and she looks away.

"You think you're going to die," Kalei continues, "and you're still going to do it. Do you - do you _want_ to die?!"

"I would rather die than live as a slave for a second longer than I have to!"

"If you die, then everyone who ever oppressed you or hurt you wins! No matter how bad things get, there's always good to be found too, there's always something worth living for! I know you say you need to be free to avenge your people, but there must be another way! Isn't living for one good thing better than dying for the bad?"

"One good thing? What? Like _you_?" Quill sneers.

"Stop doing that!" Kalei shouts. "You can't make me stop caring by being an arse! I know you don't mean it!"

"I mean every word," Quill tells her forcefully. "You have vastly improved my life, but you're not enough. Nothing will ever be enough to be worth the slavery and degradation. And that is why I'm doing this. Because I _have_ to. And deep down, you know that. You think _I'm_ pulling shit right now? You're just having a tantrum, yelling and crying like a child that can't have its way, because you know you can't do anything else. It's pathetic. Grow up. Face this like the grown woman you are."

Kalei looks at her like Quill's just slapped her across the face. "Stop telling me what to do. You might have a big fancy alien brain, but you don't get to treat me like an idiot."

"I do when you're being one!"

"You know what? Fuck you," Kalei snaps, pushing past her and heading for the door. "Go on some mad suicide mission, see if I care."

It isn't particularly convincing. After everything that's just happened, all the sex and the crying, claiming to not care is ridiculous. Quill knew going in that stopping Kalei from caring was never going to be a possibility. But if she could just be cruel enough, just make her angry enough, then maybe, maybe Kalei would be okay when Quill didn't come back.

When. That sounds ominous; she's promised she'd fight. If. _If_ she doesn't come back. Which she will fight until her last breath to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @ Quill: could you... not be an asshole... for once in your life... 
> 
> (For real though, I'm sorry. Yell at me in the comments?)


	22. Helpless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the wake of Quill's abrasiveness, and in apprehension of the impending suicide mission, Kalei starts to lose her grip on her composure. Dorothea Ames tries to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Dorothea so much. She's so much fun to write. (But goddamn if all her scenes with Kalei don't end up way gayer than intended. Whoops!) 
> 
> This is pretty much just angst, but I'm hoping Sophia and Dorothea will soften that a little.

_You're just having a tantrum, yelling and crying like a child that can't have its way, because you know you can't do anything else. It's pathetic. Grow up. Face this like the grown woman you are._

Face what, exactly? Face the probability of her - of Quill - dying later today? How is Kalei supposed to do that with any kind of dignity?

How dare Quill try and belittle her for feeling like this?

Kalei is in the girls bathroom, the nearest one to Dorothea's office, because the tears had been coming too fast and thick, and she had needed to get out of the hallway full of students moving to their next class as quickly as possible. Luckily, the bathroom had been unoccupied and no one had yet come in.

She's on the floor against the wall, knees against her chest as she cries into them. She picked the spot specifically because it's not in direct line-of-sight from the entrance - though her feet are currently sticking out - and she'll have enough time to compose herself if someone comes in.

_You aren't enough._

Kalei's never thought she would mean more to Quill than her people or her freedom - she's not stupid. But there's something about those words: their simplicity, their brutality. Maybe being so upset by them isn't rational, but god it hurts. It's been so long since anyone has been able to get to her like this, make her feel inadequate like this.

The whine of the door opening makes Kalei scramble to her feet - or rather, she tries to, but her shoes slip on the tile, and she goes crashing back down with a thud, coming down on her hand too hard as she tries to break her fall.

The jolt of pain that shoots through her wrist makes her cry out, and then wince. Whoever it is by the door hasn't come any further in so far, but now she can hear the footsteps.

"Miss Jacobs?" a familiar voice asks, a few moments before its owner comes around the corner.

"Sophia," Kalei says, blinking at her.

"Are you okay?" Sophia's blue eyes are wide with concern, her grip tight on the strap of her backpack as she stares at Kalei. Kalei feels shame and embarrassment flood through her body. She shouldn't be letting a student see her like this.

"Not really," she says honestly, because trying to claim otherwise wouldn't be remotely convincing when her eyes are wet and stinging. She tries to get up again, only to bite her lip at how much her wrist hurts when she tries to put weight on it. Great. Now, to add to her list of problems, she's managed to injure herself.

"What did you do?"

"I tried to get up too fast," Kalei admits, wiping at her eyes with her left hand. "I - I didn't want you to see me like this. Could you - could you help me up, please?"

"Of course," Sophia says, rushing forward to gently help Kalei to her feet.

"Thank you. You knew it was me before you even saw me, how-"

Sophia tucks her hair behind her ear and smiles tentatively. "Your shoes. No one else can wear high heels with glittery butterflies on the toes and make them look not tacky."

Kalei looks down at her feet and blushes. "Oh." She and Sophia share a smile, before the latter examines her face more carefully and the concerned look comes back.

"Really, Miss, what's wrong? Who - who _cares_ what's professional, just tell me."

"I just - I can't," Kalei says, biting her lip, "and that's not the - the professionalism talking, it's just that the reasons are weird and complicated. It's… Quill again. You know we patched things up on Friday, but now she's about to do something _incredibly_ reckless, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it and on top of that she kept saying all these awful things, and I just-"

Oh shit, the sobs are back. Next thing she knows, Sophia is hugging her, and she is holding on for dear life because she's never needed a hug more.

"Is there anything I can do?" Sophia asks.

Kalei pulls away and tries to clear her head enough to think. "Um. Sally, I need Sally," she whispers, her heart panging at the thought of her best friend.

"Do you mean Miss Liu? She left earlier today, I think. Something about her brother?"

Kalei closes her eyes for a moment and tries not to start crying again. "Oh. Yes. I did know that. My brain's just been… elsewhere. Then, in that case - can you go to Miss Ames and tell her-"

The sound of the door opening makes them look at each other with horror, and Kalei shrinks back out of sight, heart pounding. Someone like Sophia seeing her in this state is one thing, but other students seeing her like this is quite another.

Sophia looks between her and the door several times, panic all over her face.

" _Oh my god!"_ she shouts out of nowhere, in the direction of one of the cubicles. " _I can't believe you guys are having sex in here, that's disgusting! I should report you both to the Headteacher!"_

There are a few murmurs that sound like 'what the fuck,' and then the door whines again as the students leave. Sophia lets out an odd, giddy laugh at the same time as she turns scarlet.

"I can't believe I just did that," she says, covering her mouth.

"Thank you," Kalei says, from the bottom of her heart. "Seriously, that was… genuinely amazing." Sophia flushes even redder. "Now, if you could just go to Miss Ames, tell her I'm in no state to teach the class I'm already late for, just say it's a family emergency or something-"

"There's no need to lie, Miss Jacobs," comes the smooth voice of the Headmistress, who Kalei hadn't noticed come in. Sophia has turned towards Dorothea, just as she had said Kalei's name.

Dorothea moves around the corner, and her eyes fill with pity and sympathy when she sees Kalei leaning against the wall, red eyed and with tears still fresh on her cheeks.

"Oh, my dear," Dorothea says, sighing. She turns to a now rigid Sophia and pats her on the shoulder. "Thank you, Miss Spencer, for whatever help you've been giving Miss Jacobs here, but I think you also have a class you're supposed to be in right now."

"Yes, Miss," Sophia whispers, eyes on the floor.

Kalei is amazed at the change in Sophia: from the girl who had shouted a graphic lie to save her teacher from humiliation, to the wallflower too afraid to even look most other students or teachers in the eye. She'd forgotten how much progress she'd made with Sophia even just within a few weeks, just from being gentle and patient with the girl, from their little talks, from Kalei being the ear and voice of reassurance she needed.

She had thought it was something that she was bringing out in Sophia for _everyone_ to see, but apparently not.

"Thank you, Sophia," Kalei says to her. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yes, Miss," Sophia says, ducking her head and hurrying out of the bathroom.

Being left with Dorothea Ames is strange, because it's so impossible to know what to make of the other woman. Quill had said that Dorothea knows too much, knew about her and Quill before it made any sense for her to, and seemed to know about aliens too. She must do, if she's offering to help Quill get the arn out of her head.

"When I told her that she needed to talk to you, this isn't what I had hoped for," Dorothea says, sighing again. "But I'd determined there was at least a 40% chance of her doing something like this, from what I know of her."

"What?" Kalei asks, more tiredly than anything else. She just wants to be at home, with Xenophilius and an entire pint of ice cream. Maybe some sleeping pills. And vodka.

"Nevermind. I think it might be best that you take the rest of the day off, don't you? Go home and rest up."

"Why are you bothering to help her if she's probably just going to die?" Kalei asks her sharply. "What could you possibly get out of it? For the life of me, I can't understand any of this, not your logic or hers or anyone's."

"That's a complicated question-"

"If one more person tries to treat me like I'm a moron today, I am going to scream," Kalei says flatly, her voice dangerously low. "I've said this before, Dorothea. Don't patronise me."

"And as I have said before, I'm not," Dorothea insists, bristling. "There are simply far too many intricacies to try and explain, most of which you're not authorised to know about. It's a matter concerning the Board of Governors, which you are not on."

"Can't you just give me a straight answer, for once?!"

"If I could, I would, I promise you." Dorothea holds her gaze, eyes softening. "Please believe me, Kalei. I only want what's best for Quill, for you, for all of us. Now, I think it's been a rather trying day for you, and you should-"

She reaches for Kalei's wrist, probably to pull her out of the alcove and into the open, but it's the injured one, and Kalei whimpers as she snatches it back.

"Just - don't," she whispers, cradling the wrist to her chest. "I'm going, alright?"

"You're hurt," Dorothea says with alarm. "Quill, she didn't-"

"Of course not, it was just me, being my usual hopeless self," Kalei mutters. "Quill would never hurt me. Physically, anyway."

"I believe that in your case her intentions would have been good, even if her actions were not." Dorothea gives her a funny smile. "Which is… somewhat ironic, since she places far more value on the latter. Now, would you like me to drive you home? Probably not the best idea to drive, if your wrist is injured."

"How about a doctor's office?"

"Oh, of course. Though if you would allow me, I happen to be knowledgeable enough about such things that if you're needing it in a splint, I could probably do it for you. Free of charge. Think of it as my apology for, well, everything."

"You leading Quill into a suicide mission can't be made up for by a splint," Kalei tells her, frowning.

"My dear, I don't want her to die any more than you do! But all the same, it must be done! Surely you of all people, knowing her best, must know that."

Kalei does. It's just not something she can come to accept.

Dorothea nods and gives her another sympathetic look, after reading her silence accurately. "I know it's difficult. I really do. How do you think I feel, knowing I'll be at least partly responsible if something goes wrong?"

"I-" Kalei stops short. "I hadn't considered that. I hadn't really considered that you'd care for Quill at all, actually."

Something odd flashes through Dorothea's eyes. Embarrassment, perhaps? Not quite. No, it's more like _longing_ -

" _Oh_ ," Kalei realises, eyes widening. "You - you too, huh?"

Dorothea blinks at her with surprise, before her shoulders relax, and she lets out a morose chuckle. "Yes. Me too. You know… some things astrobiology _can't_ prepare you for."

"Like grumpy blonde alien physics teachers being somehow…"

"Intriguing?"

Kalei laughs a little. "Yes. Let's go with that."

"Come, let's get that wrist of yours strapped up," Dorothea says, taking Kalei's uninjured hand. This time, Kalei lets Dorothea lead her from the bathroom and back down the now mostly deserted hallway.

"Thank you," Kalei says as they come back into Dorothea's office, and Dorothea shuts the door behind them.

"Take a seat," Dorothea says, smiling and indicating to her many pieces of furniture.

Kalei takes one look at the nearest loveseat. _Sitting on it, Quill straddling her, telling Quill how beautiful she is and making her cry out, feeling her body shake -_ oh god, she had sex with Quill all over this office! How could she forget about that? How can she even look Dorothea in the eye now?

Her cheeks are burning hot, no doubt crimson, and Dorothea's eyes are fixed on her. Intelligent. Knowing. And…. smug?

"Ah, yes, I was meaning to ask," she says with faint amusement. "Which pieces of furniture do I need to get cleaned?"

Kalei nearly chokes. " _What_?" Dorothea gives her a look as if to say _you know what I'm talking about_. Kalei didn't think it was possible, but her face is even hotter now, her blush more furious.

Dorothea chuckles. "There's no need to be coy or embarrassed about it; my dear, we're all adults here, and I knew there was a 84% chance of the two of you doing exactly what you did if I sent you in here."

Kalei can only gape at her. "How do you even know we-"

"However," Dorothea continues, waving her hand, "they say cleanliness is next to godliness, so I need to know which are the offending pieces in question."

Wishing the ground would swallow her up, Kalei keeps her injured hand cradled against her chest while using her left one to point at the different pieces of furniture in turn. When it's done, she covers her face with embarrassment, leaving just enough room for her to still be able to glimpse Dorothea's face.

Dorothea arches a singular eyebrow. Kalei is fairly sure that punching a wall with her injured hand would be less painful than this.

"Dare I even ask about my chair?" she asks, glancing at where it sits, thankfully undefiled, behind the desk.

"That would have been too far," Kalei finds herself saying. "I would never - I do have _some_ respect for your personal effects."

That makes Dorothea snort. "Well, thank heaven for small mercies."

"...I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Dorothea insists. "As I say, I knew the risk, and I accepted it. And I should have expected that Quill had the stamina. But you - well, you're just full of surprises, aren't you?"

_Is she… flirting with me?_

"Now, take a seat, and I'll be right back with the necessary materials," Dorothea says, leaving the room and returning three minutes later with a plastic container under her arm. Kalei has sat down on the loveseat that she and Quill didn't touch, and Dorothea joins her on it, keeping the container on her lap.

"So, remind me again why I'm letting you do this and not a doctor?"

"Please, one can hardly be an astrobiologist and headteacher of Coal Hill without knowing advanced first aid," Dorothea says, shaking her head. "Now, give me your wrist, and let me see what we're dealing with here."

Kalei tentatively offers it, and Dorothea is immensely gentle when she takes it and examines it with her fingers. The light, probing presses of her fingertips make her wince a little.

"Oh yes, you've done quite a number on this," Dorothea murmurs, tutting. She asks Kalei a few more questions, whether it hurts when she pushes it a certain way.

At one point Kalei cries out from the pain.

"Oh, I'm sorry, my dear," Dorothea says, eyes wide and apologetic, her fingers gently stroking over the aching joint in an attempt to soothe. "Yes, you've sprained it, I'm afraid. But not too badly, thankfully."

"Because I really needed another thing to worry about today."

"Yes, it is unfortunate." Dorothea gets to work with the splint. "You said this happened because you were… hopeless?"

"Hopeless here meaning 'clumsy'. It was probably overdue; I haven't managed to injure myself in about five years." Kalei sighs. "I was sitting on the floor, when Sophia came in, and I tried to get up too quickly. Fell, hard."

"Ah. I'm sorry."

"Well, you might be the one leading Quill into danger, but she's the one that upset me enough that I ended up in that bathroom, so as much as I hate to admit it, this isn't your fault," Kalei says.

"All the same. I can't help but feel a little responsible."

"The ones responsible are the people who put that awful thing in her head in the first place," Kalei tells her. "You're… right to help, aren't you? She does need this?"

"Of course. And whether she likes it or not, I'm the only one that _can_ help."

They fall into a silence, the only sound the gentle work of Dorothea's fingers on the splint and Kalei's wrist, tugging and maneuvering until finally the wrist is secure and strapped tight.

"There we are," Dorothea says, her hand lingering on Kalei's as she looks back up at her. "Now, just you be careful with it. It'll need a week at the very least in this thing. At the _very_ least. Keep it elevated when possible."

"Thank you," Kalei tells her. She moves to stand up, only for Dorothea to catch her arm.

"Why don't you let me drive you?" she asks, earnestly. "It would be my pleasure."

Kalei shakes her head. "I appreciate the offer, but frankly I'd rather that you stay here and do everything to ensure that you're not going to get Quill killed in a few hours. I'll just walk home, it isn't far."

Dorothea sets the container down and stands as well. "My dear, I've told you, I don't wish to see Quill dead any more than you do. I'd like nothing more than to see see her freed and reunited with her girlfriend, everybody safe and sound. I promise you."

" _Nothing_ more?" Kalei asks softly, lifting an eyebrow until Dorothea actually blushes, just a little.

"Well, you know what I mean," she murmurs, brushing some imaginary dust from her jacket, in what Kalei imagines is an excuse to look away.

Thankfully, Kalei's brain quickly finds something else to latch onto. "Wait, you said girlfriend, we're not quite-"

"Oh, I'm fully aware of your apparent label issues," Dorothea chuckles, "but she said it first, not me."

Kalei is struck dumb for several moments. "What? _Quill_ called us… girlfriends?"

"Perhaps a little by accident, if I'm being candid about it, but I still think it's rather promising, don't you?" Dorothea says, smiling encouragingly. "Give it another few days, I'm sure you'll get there."

It strikes Kalei, very belatedly, that there's something incredibly unnerving about the way Dorothea Ames talks about the intimate details of one's life with a smile that makes it seem as though she has every right to be doing so.

"She has to be alive for that to work," Kalei says, moving towards the door and stopping with her fingers curled around the handle. All at once, being around Dorothea is uncomfortable and confusing, and with everything else going wrong, it's just too much. "You seem to like your probabilities, if that 84% is anything to go by. What would you say her chances are?"

Dorothea holds her gaze but says nothing, only tenses her jaw.

Kalei bites her lip. "Don't think me ungrateful for the splint, Dorothea. And I'm not much good at threats, so I'll just say this: if she dies today and you are even remotely responsible, I will never forgive you, and I will make sure that I will find a way for you to regret it deeply."

Dorothea cocks an eyebrow, some of the warmth leaving her eyes. "If she's dead, how would you possibly be able to know who is at fault?"

"I'll look you in the eye. And I'll know," Kalei says firmly.

"Oh, my dear Kalei," Dorothea says, and this time her tone really _is_ patronising, and then it turns cold as well, "I think it's ever so charming that you think you could."

Kalei stares at her a moment and feels a shiver run down her spine, before she hurries out of the door.

_How does she know everything? How could she_ possibly _know what Quill and I did in her office? How can I trust anyone who talks like she does, like privacy doesn't even exist?_ The more she thinks about how Dorothea could know the things she does, the less she likes the answers she comes up with, and she has to force it all from her mind.

Kalei walks through the quiet hallways, towards the school exit, and has never been so eager to leave.

* * *

When she gets home, Kalei cuddles Xenophilius and feels considerably better, especially when she finds ice cream in the freezer, just like she had been craving. The problem comes with scooping it, and dealing with the sprained wrist means she has to awkwardly scoop with her left hand. Some of it gets on the floor, but she manages.

She sits on the couch with her ice cream and her cat and thinks about Quill.

_See if I care!_

Even with everything Quill had said to her, Kalei finds that she regrets retaliating like she did. It's exactly what Quill had wanted, and even though she knew it was happening, she let her emotions get the better of her and fell right into it.

And the more she thinks about it, the more she can't deny that Quill could only have been doing it because she cares enough about Kalei to try and lessen her potential emotional trauma.

_She said it first, not me._

The idea of Quill actually calling Kalei her girlfriend is too strange. But it slipping out by accident like Dorothea had said, perhaps, she can imagine. It warms Kalei in ways it shouldn't, not when she is still so hurt, so furious.

"How can I be this angry _and_ this worried about her?" she asks Xenophilius as she pets him. "Actually, you know what? I can be angry with her in person. We've gotten through that before and we can again. Because no matter how angry I am, when I think about her dying, about never seeing her again-"

She chokes on her words. It's too awful to even bear thinking about.

Quill is an arse. Quill is hot tempered and abrasive and harsh and cruel. But Quill is also defiant and powerful and quick-witted and funny and lonely. She sees no greater purpose than fighting oppression, than fighting for one's people if they need it.

Quill is still, in so many ways, unused to physical touch - and yet, she craves it. She is soft, so much softer than she would have anyone believe. Kalei thinks of how Quill melts under her hands, because she needs it so much, needs someone to be kind and gentle and understanding after being treated with such cruelty. More cruelty than Quill herself has ever inflicted on anyone.

Maybe _anyone_ with enough patience could have been the source of that kindness, that gentleness and understanding. Kalei knows she isn't really anything special as far as this is concerned, just the person who bothered to listen - it could have easily been someone else.

_You've been so good to me._

But then there's the way Quill looks at her sometimes. Like she's salvation, like she's some kind of miracle.

_You might just be the loveliest thing I've yet to encounter on this planet._

There's the way Quill looks at her when she nudges her nose. _I never thought anyone else would ever - that I would_ want _anyone else to -_

_I never thought anyone was going to see me again. Except you. You_ see _me._

_I'd fight for you too. (If I could. I still will, however I can.)_

Kalei takes far too long to realise that she's crying yet again. Of course. And upon realising that she still has an ice cream spoon halfway to her mouth, the whole thing seems so pathetic that she puts the bowl on the coffee table and curls up on the couch, pulling Xenophilius into her lap.

He takes far too much interest in the splint, and his claws keep catching on it as his paws bat at it, tugging and hurting.

"Ow," she keens, "baby, please, don't do that." He doesn't stop, and she is forced to push him to the other end of the couch. It does the opposite of making her feel better.

Kalei gets out her phone and calls Sally.

" _Hey, what's up? Shouldn't you be in class still?"_

"Dorothea sent me home early," Kalei says, sniffing. "How's Cheng?"

" _He's doing okay, but… it doesn't sound like you are."_ When Kalei doesn't immediately reply, Sally's tone becomes more protective. The older-sisterly one Kalei knows fairly well by now. " _Kalei, what's wrong_?"

"I'm just - I - today is just awful, alright? Quill's about to do god knows what, and I think she's about to get herself hurt and so she was trying to push me away even though she knew I knew everything she was saying was complete bullshit, and she kept saying it and I'm so _angry_ with her, Sally, but when I think about losing her I can't breathe-"

She really can't breathe. She's panicking now. Trying to gulp down air doesn't quite work, and instead she's just gasping because her chest hurts. It's hard to know if it's the panic or the thought of losing Quill or both. It's been so long since she's felt this sense of helplessness, of the world closing in around her.

" _Kalei, you're panicking. Breathe. Deep breaths in and out. Come on. You've helped students with this before, you know how to do this."_

Kalei does her best, but it's hard. "She can't die, Sally, she can't, it's not fair, she just wants to be free! She just wants to belong to herself again because it's killing her on the inside, and I know that but it still feels like she's just walking into her own funeral-"

" _Kalei, you're not making any sense. Nobody is dying-"_

Kalei can't bring herself to reply. She's too busy crying. Sally doesn't understand, and it's not her fault. She doesn't have all the information, or even half of it.

" _Kalei, these last couple of days you've been happier than you've been in_ years, _especially this morning after that talk with Quill, so what the hell's happened? You said Quill is doing something stupid-"_

"Yes, but she has to, it's just not fair," Kalei says. "Nevermind, Sally. I'll be okay. I need to text Quill and try and make up for something. I'll talk to you later, I promise."

" _I feel like I should be marching over there-"_

"Well, you can't; you have to be with Cheng and Bolin."

" _I know, but - you sound… you sound like you're losing it, Kalei_."

"I'm not, I promise," Kalei says. "I just - there's a lot of stuff happening, and I also hurt my wrist and I'm feeling sorry for myself. Ignore everything I've said, okay?"

" _How can I do that when I just heard you having a panic attack?"_

"I love you, don't worry about me," Kalei says, before hanging up even as Sally tries to protest.

It was stupid of her really, to think that talking to Sally would help when she can't tell Sally any of it. But it hurts, it aches, because Sally is her best friend, and by god, she _needs_ to tell her, to confide in her. None of this would seem so bad if Sally's arms were around her right now. If Sally was telling her it was going to be okay.

She's not sure how long she lies there, but of course it doesn't take long for her thoughts to drift back to Quill. In the haze of her fading panic attack, the thoughts are beyond sentimental. Quill kissing her in the shopping centre. Quill walking with her arm around her. Quill staring at her with wide- eyed shock when she had realised just how much Kalei trusts her, just how intimately.

_I'd fight for you._

No matter the harsh and hostile words, Kalei can't let _see if I care_ be the last thing Quill ever hears from her. That's neither an incentive to live or an acceptable final farewell. So she clicks back into her phone and finds _Sometimes Andy_ in her conversations.

The text message takes a little longer than normal to type with the splint on, but her thumb mobility isn't too badly affected which is a small blessing.

**Zombie Apocalypse Enthusiast:** _If anyone can beat impossible odds, it's you. You said once that you'd fight for me. Well, I don't need you to. I've just been fighting my hardest to get you to fight for yourself. Maybe it's insane, but I still believe in you._

**Zombie Apocalypse Enthusiast:** _I'll be waiting at home. You owe me a lot of chocolate_. _And an at least half decent apology. Try not to keep me waiting too long._

Kalei puts the phone down before she can be tempted to say anything along the lines of _please, please don't leave me_. She grabs some headphones out of her nearby bag and puts them in, turning up the symphony by Mozart, until it's loud enough that it's hard to think of anything except the sweeping strings and blasting horns.

It still makes her think of Quill, a little, but that's unavoidable. She can focus on the music for now.

For now, she will lie here, and wait out every torturous minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, no Quill, but up next we have The Metaphysical Space Safari aka What/Who Quill Did! (That's the title, right? I'm sure I'm remembering that right :P )


	23. A Soldier's Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OR: The Metaphysical Engine, or What/Who Quill Did

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is pretty much just Metaphysical Engine, but from Quill's POV more directly so with insight into her thoughts and stuff. Have I mentioned how much I love Ballon? I love Ballon. So much.
> 
> Also: first change/divergence from canon. But how big is it?

_When my time comes around_

_Lay me gently in the cold dark earth_

_No grave can hold my body down_

_I'll crawl home to her_

**Work Song - Hozier**

* * *

Quill puts the kids in detention, going out of her way to tease Charlie and make him panic about being locked in the classroom. It does wonders for her mood.

Just before she reaches the auditorium, her phone buzzes.

**Zombie Apocalypse Enthusiast:** _If anyone can beat impossible odds it's you. You said once that you'd fight for me. Well, I don't need you to. I've just been fighting my hardest to get you to fight for yourself. Maybe it's insane, but I still believe in you._

**Zombie Apocalypse Enthusiast:** _I'll be waiting at home. You owe me a lot of chocolate_. _And an at least half-decent apology. Try not to keep me waiting too long._

Quill swallows hard. Leaving things on a bad note with Kalei has left a bad taste in her mouth, but so does the thought of Kalei waiting and waiting and Quill never coming back.

_I'd fight for you too,_ she remembers saying to Kalei on Saturday. It feels dishonest now, after everything she's said today.

She pushes all thoughts of Kalei from her mind. She needs to focus. She is Quill. And today, she might just become free again. Or she will die trying.

Quill strides into the auditorium and announces that she is ready. Dorothea just fixes her with a critical look.

"Is that what you're wearing?"

"Is that what you are?"

It's almost comforting, falling into this exchange with Dorothea. (Who is as smug and infuriating as ever, but she is trying to help, and the more Quill thinks about it, the more Quill has to admit that's all Dorothea's ever really tried to do. And maybe, just maybe, she's starting to like the Headmistress. A little.)

Dorothea seems at least mildly concerned for Quill's life. How… unexpected.

Dorothea talks about Quill not believing that this is going to work, like it should surprise her. Like Quill hasn't just been trying to sabotage her only valuable relationship in case of the likely event of her death, but what Quill _hasn't_ considered, is that not believing it will work could be the only thing keeping her alive.

Who says optimism is healthy? This is proof that pessimism - or rather, realism - has its advantages. Quill wishes she could rub that into the faces of all the optimists she's ever known. But they were all dead.

"You really will end today dead or with your freedom," Dorothea says, solemnly.

Quill isn't fazed. "Then let's begin. I wish to be free."

Dorothea seems curious about who Quill is when she is free, as if it isn't blatantly obvious. Which is sort of amusing, really, since Dorothea usually has all the answers.

It turns out that they're not the only ones going on this trip. Whatever Quill was expecting for this afternoon, a grumpy alien prisoner wasn't it.

She doesn't like Ballon. (But he's quite nice to look at. She'd never say so, but she likes his different coloured eyes rather a lot. _Stay out of my way_ sounds like a challenge. Maybe she sort of likes that too.)

After that it all gets utterly ridiculous.

Metaphysics and _arn heaven of all damned things_ and a shapeshifter hell full of statues. First they had acquired an arn, and now they have to get the blood of a god - of Ballon's devil.

But in his hell, faced with his devil, Ballon becomes incapacitated by his fear, and Dorothea has forgotten that Quill can't use knives. As always, it seems that Quill has to do all the work. Luckily, solving one problem will solve the other.

"Soldier! Tell me what I need to do!" Quill barks as she gets on her knees in front of him.

He doesn't answer, so she grabs his hands and clasps them in hers. She's seen this before, dozens of times, the paralysation of the first fear. And this? This is something she can do, something she has done many times. She was a soldier and a leader, and he will not be the first or the second or the eighth soldier she has reminded how to be brave. She is Andra'ath, and she knows what to do.

"Listen to me. Listen to me," she tells him fiercely, forcing his eyes to meet hers. "In Quill, we call this the first fear. This is the one you always go back to, and the one you can't face, and everyone has it, everyone, even Quill."

"Lorr, we call it cowardice-" he tries to say.

"No, that is not true," she replies, almost angrily. "A soldier without fear is useless, inefficient. They win battles, but they lose wars!"

Something in his eyes changes. It's also a look she's seen before. A look that she hasn't even realised, until this moment, she has missed more than anything. A soldier no longer ruled by fear, a soldier who can harness it. A soldier ready to fight.

She pulls him to his feet, and he grabs the knife, and together they get the blood of his devil, because his devil thinks they're already statues - already dead. That's how the Lorr see everyone else. It's fascinating, in a bizarre and morbid sort of way.

There's something about standing next to a fellow soldier, panting from exertion after defeating a foe, that makes her chest ache. Oh, how she's missed this. How could she forget? Has she been around civilians so long that she's gotten used to pretending to be one of them? Forgotten who and what she is? Forgotten that _this_ is who she is?

"It's been too long since I fought side by side with an actual soldier," she says to him, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"Yes," he replies, "for me too."

Then he walks off, leaving Quill feeling rather disgruntled. Here she is, actually making an effort - if only he had any idea how rare that is - and he just _walks off_.

"Oh right, yeah, sure, you're welcome," she says, frowning.

Quill possibly likes Ballon. (Even if he's as abrasive as she is, and the prospect of him being her surgeon is more than a little bit alarming.)

That's when the arn moves, making her shout and clutch her head. Dorothea says it's because she's starting to believe it will work. Maybe she is. Maybe, just maybe...it will.

She might be able to kill the Shadowkin. She might not leave Kalei waiting.

Though she'd feel considerably more confident about her chances if Dorothea were actually a bit more experienced with this metaphysical engine - learning that she's only here because no one else cares enough to bother saving her is far from encouraging. But, admittedly, not remotely surprising.

_No one else is all that committed to saving you, Quill, is that such a surprise?_

_No, not really._

Why is it that Dorothea is committed to saving her at all? She might have spent longer wondering about this, if she hadn't been faced with their next destination.

The Quill afterlife myth. Quill tries to deny it, to deny that it's real, but she thinks maybe a part of her knows it's going to work, because she can only laugh derisively when her hands meet the sharp twigs of the nest.

Dorothea is excited at the prospect of meeting the Quill goddess, and Quill is amazed it's taken her this long to realise what an utter geek the Headmistress is, underneath all that lipstick. Also, it's amusing just how misplaced her excitement is.

_The Quill goddess emerges from the underworld, where she has been trapped, and she rises with fury and venom._ She remembers being told the myth by Matron. Matron was a believer, Quill is sure of that, even though she had never said so explicitly. No Quill ever did, for fear of being mocked, but you could still see it in their eyes.

"So _this_ is your heaven?" Ballon asks Quill, mouth near her ear.

She whirls around, vaguely irritated, but finding herself snorting all the same. "Excuse me, _statue boy_ ," she says, and launches into a defence that her people learned to believe in more sensible things than goddesses.

"It's so sad you think that's what belief is," Dorothea says, with pity.

Ballon agrees with her, and Quill scoffs, even though their judgement gets to her more than she would ever let on. She warns them about what she did to the annoyingly persistent Jehovah's Witnesses.

The ground rumbles and Dorothea starts explaining the creation myth to Ballon, the geek in her prompting her to interrupt Quill's explanation. Quill happily lets her have at it, just a little curious to see how much she knows. As always, her knowledge defies logic.

The Quill goddess, or the metaphysical version of her - she's not real, but she's really here - rips her way out of the centre of the nest.

Ballon attacks it and almost immediately fails, and Dorothea is knocked out. Quill rushes in only to end up with its claws around her neck.

She dangles there, eye-to-eye with her alleged goddess, and all she can feel is fury. All the people Quill fought for, all the people Quill watched die, where was this goddess then? What good is a goddess who doesn't help her people? How could she be real? She _can't_ be.

"You don't _deserve_ my belief!" Quill shouts at her. "Do you know how oppressed Quill have been for centuries? We died, and died again, and where were you? I should rip your head off for even _daring_ to exist!"

She can see their faces, her fallen comrades, every single one she lost on the battlefield. Every other one she had to watch be enslaved and degraded, only to be slaughtered by the Shadowkin mere months later.

The Quill goddess snarls and draws her arm back, ready to strike a brutal blow.

"Do it!" Quill yells, her chest near bursting with indignant rage, with the defiance that has made her so infamous on Earth _and_ Rhodia. Except, there are tears in her eyes now. "I was a soldier and you weren't there to stop them taking that from me, and where am I now, hey?"

To her bemusement, the goddess stops. Stops and reaches out to gently stroke a single claw down Quill's cheek. It's bizarre and otherworldly, and what's more, she's trying to _say_ something to Quill.

"What, what are you-"

Ballon's battle cry disturbs them as he jumps onto the goddess' back and starts stabbing her in the neck, jolting Quill back into the harsh reality. No matter how much she cries out in protest, he doesn't stop until the creature's head is severed from her body.

Quill can't believe what has just happened. "I think she was about to speak to me!" she tells him, horrified. "I could have been the first Quill _ever-_ "

He is too calm in the face of her being anything but. He points out that for her to care what the goddess had to say, she would have to believe, and that it would change everything about her as a person.

Ballon is more perceptive than she initially assumed.

After she buries her goddess, he tells her how he lost his lover, how he came to Earth. How he became a prisoner and frozen in his 'living death'.

She tells him about _her_ dead lover. It seems only fair.

"He died in the same battle that they arrested me," she says quietly. "Took him from me. And took my will. And you know what they did next? The worst thing they did?"

Ballon's gaze is steady, but unsure.

"Made me used to it," Quill whispers. The words are thick in her throat as she thinks of the months in the Rhodian capitol, the months of rigid schedule and confinement, months of not speaking unless spoken to, because speaking out of turn meant punishment, and the Rhodians had learned very quickly to punish _other_ Quill if they wanted her to behave. "I shout my power. I shout my toughness and my danger, but I'm shouting it to children. It's like they just… they just amputated the essential part of who I was."

_No one can take away who you are._

"Who I am," she says, frowning, testing the words.

"You were frozen, too," Ballon realises. "I'm sorry."

Quill doesn't want his pity, but that's not what he's trying to give her. He calls it a _shared sorrow_. She's surprised to realise that it makes her feel better. Less alone. They are the same, the two of them. Ballon seems to understand her without even trying, more naturally than anyone she's ever met in her whole life. It's strange, but not unwelcome.

Quill likes Ballon. She thinks she might like Ballon quite a lot.

But when he gets her talking about the Rhodians, and making them pay, the arn starts moving. She's started believing it's going to work and now it _hurts_.

It's all a bit blurry after that. Back to the school auditorium, Ballon complaining about it not being sterile, then more pain and a soft hand grasping hers and resting on her shoulder.

"There are bigger things in the universe than this life," Dorothea says to her softly, "Hidden things we can't even imagine. And if a place can be created from belief, if a goddess-"

"Then what else might you be able to make if you just believe hard enough?"

Dorothea squeezes her hand and regards her with surprising warmth. "Try not to die. You are...intriguing."

Dorothea's barely out of the door before Quill collapses, and Ballon settles her on top of her coat, before moving to test the ingredients of the procedure. The pain is too much for her to concentrate on him for long, but eventually he comes back. He warns her about the pain again. She is _so_ beyond caring.

"This will be horrible," he says.

It is.

She screams. Oh, how she screams. She was tortured on Rhodia, for days, but this is worse than anything physical they ever did to her. She can feel her face gaping open, her vision sliced in half, as god knows what happens to her left eye.

Ballon is saying her name and something else but she can barely hear. It hurts so much she can't think. But then he's pressing something to her face and the agony fades rapidly, sensation returning. As his hand pulls away, she gulps in deep breaths and tries to understand what happened.

_My face was - how can I still see?_

She repeats the question aloud. "How do I still have my eye?" The answer is, apparently, Ballon's devil's blood. He tells her she is scarred and her hand runs across it, feeling the sensitive, angry line running down her face.

It makes her smile.

"What good is a soldier without a scar?" she asks. Ballon returns her grin.

She definitely likes Ballon a lot.

He helps her up, and for a moment they are only inches apart, and that's suddenly very interesting in a way it wasn't before, but then she sees the arn across the room where he threw it.

She walks over to it, and lays into it with her fists, beating it over and over and shouting until she can sit back on her heels and feel a sense of victory. As she gulps in more oxygen, the victory thrums through her blood.

She's free. It's like a current running through her, slow but vivid.

She needs to celebrate.

Unsurprisingly, Ballon knows exactly what she means the moment she uses the word. He calls her a liar, but there is something close to amusement in his voice.

Quill turns to look at him. His eyes are warm, kind, and knowing. They remind her of something else, other eyes, perhaps, but her mind is a blur from the euphoria of freedom, and all she can see is Ballon's face, everything else currently obscured.

She gets up, crosses the room, and kisses him hard.

"It has been too long since I was close to someone," he says.

"Don't worry, it's as natural as breathing," she tells him, before kissing him again. His beard scratches her face, and it reminds her a little of her people's quills. Having something less smooth against her skin is comforting.

It isn't long before he pulls away again, however.

"It's made me coarse, unshifting," he says. "Like this form I wear."

Quill considers his words. How she had to permanently change her appearance just to blend in on Earth, give up her quills. How she pretends to be a teacher, instead of the fierce warrior she is. How Ballon is a statue in his own eyes, a prisoner in others', and something altogether different to her. Her saviour, perhaps. Just as she is, perhaps, his.

"Yeah," she murmurs, "yeah, we do wear forms, you and I, don't we?"

His hand - large and calloused and firm - comes to hold her face, his thumb stroking across her cheek with a delicacy she had not expected. It feels wonderful. Not as wonderful as the freedom, but that is still sinking in, still doesn't quite feel real.

Ballon _is_ real. Ballon is right here, touching her, looking at her like she's a revelation, like she's hope. It's something she understands. She remembers looking at someone else like that not too long ago.

"All I want is to be free," he says.

He's hope to her as well. He's helped free her. Maybe she can help free him, now.

"I want that too," she whispers.

When she seeks his mouth out again, he meets her halfway. Her hands ghost over his face, not quite sure what to think of the roughness of the facial hair against her fingertips, but deciding a few moments later that yes, she likes how it feels under her hands. _Coarse_ , he said. There's nothing wrong with coarse.

It isn't long before the physical need rushing through her body drives her to start undressing him, pulling off his upper layers impatiently.

He smiles, with what might be amusement, at her eagerness and kisses her again before laying her down on the coat. His hands slide up her legs, taking her dress with them until it's bunched up just around her navel.

It seems to have gone unspoken between them that this is not a coupling that requires complete undress. His hands slide across her hips and legs with reverence, while she kisses his chest. It's smooth - probably the only thing about him that is.

He doesn't seem interested in her breasts at all, which doesn't bother her in the slightest - maybe Lorr don't have breasts, maybe he just doesn't care for them, who knows? She's hardly about to take it personally when his mouth is kissing her stomach like it is.

"Please," Quill says. It's her first time saying it in so long, first time saying it since getting the arn out. It doesn't taste bitter now.

Ballon kisses her again.

When their bodies finally come together, it's gentle, more gentle than really makes sense for celebrating soldiers. But they're more than that, they're survivors, taking refuge in each other, refuge in someone else who understands them and their pain.

"Is this okay?" He asks her, looking concerned.

Quill nods and flips them over so that she's straddling him, which makes him blink with surprise and then laugh a little. She kisses him more forcefully and rolls her hips, starting up a faster pace. Gentle is all very well and good, she's come to learn that, but this is also a celebration, and it's time to set gentle aside, even if it's just for a little while.

Ballon grips her hips as he lifts his to meet them, and they find a new rhythm. Faster. Harder. She wants to remember this. She wants to be able to feel it afterwards. Her celebration. Their celebration.

His hands keep changing form, from humanoid to talons that look suspiciously Quill-like, to several shapes she doesn't recognise. It's strange, but in a good way, and when the pleasure takes her close to the edge but not quite close enough, his hand slips between her legs and shifts through shapes until he finds one that makes her moan.

It's a high like no other when she gets there, and it's satisfying to watch him reach that peak too. She bends over him and kisses him breathlessly. It's many things, but first and foremost it's a _thank you_.

After, she pulls her dress back down and he pulls her underneath the crook of his arm, and they rest together. Their fingers lie interlocked and Quill feels - however briefly - safe and content enough to let herself sleep, albeit only for a short while.

When she wakes, everything feels uncertain. She rolls over, sees Ballon and touches him to make sure that he's as real as she thinks. Touches his scar and then her own.

Real.

She smiles. Soon she can leave and find Kalei - and that is a wonderful, impossible thought in itself, one that makes her heart jump in her chest. She just needs to stay a little longer first, to see Ballon freed just as she has been. So she rests her head against his chest again and lets herself bask in the peacefulness of the moment.

But nothing this good could ever last. Quill should know that by now. A mysterious trail of sand leads them out of the auditorium and into a strange, barren landscape where Dorothea is waiting.

"This is the closest to Rhodian soil we could find," she says when Quill asks where they are, if not the school like they thought.

_The Cabinet of Souls,_ Quill realises. It fills her with disgust, even if Dorothea seems to think it helped her survive.

Except, Dorothea is a hologram too. A hologram with an ultimatum. She might have sent Quill back her gun - and Quill gasps upon seeing it, her last relic of her people, restored to her - but the gun comes with a sour price.

"Despite my arguing, the Governors have voted. There's only enough energy in the reliquary for one of you to return," Dorothea says, sending ice through Quill's veins. "If it's any comfort, the decision, at least, is yours."

Any amiability she had been starting to feel towards the Headmistress evaporates, to be replaced with disgust. "What, you're leaving one of us here to die?"

It's exactly what she's doing. She tries to give them some bullshit about how it's not what she wanted - and a tiny part of Quill's mind reminds her of _despite my arguing, the Governors have voted,_ but most of Quill doesn't care.

"You and I could have been great friends, Miss Quill."

"Oh, I'd rather swim in my own vomit," Quill tells her, with powerful loathing and betrayal coursing through her whole body. She had been starting to trust Dorothea - stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Quill and Ballon try to defy everything she says, but Dorothea knows them too well, throws the wildcard in. Ballon's niece, alive and on Earth. Or so she claims. Quill doesn't believe it. But Ballon wants to.

"We will not fight each other," he says, regardless.

Dorothea can't accept this. "You will never be free until you do! Never return from this living death! Never see your family again!" She turns to Quill, even more passion in her voice now. "And _you_ , a Quill with the greatest weapon her people ever made, enough to force a certain Prince to wipe the Shadow Kin from the grinning, smirking face of the universe! You say you are war itself, now you actually can be."

Quill knows she is war itself. She does not need this snake of a woman telling her so, challenging her to prove it.

Ballon does not have that reassurance against the bait being put in front of him. When the hologram disappears, she can see the conflict in him, the longing as he looks between her and the gun.

"Don't," Quill says.

It isn't enough.

They fight, and in any other situation it would have been invigorating to battle another soldier like this, but he is supposed to be her ally. And this battle is not one they have chosen, this is one forced upon them. It's disgusting and wrong and unfair, and so when her arm is around his neck, and he asks her to stop, she finds herself letting go.

It's a mistake, perhaps. He gets his hands on the gun and points it at her.

She feels angry for all of a moment, but she can't hold onto it when she meets his eyes. His motivation is one she understands - it isn't one she can fault.

"Look away," he tells her. She refuses.

After a few minutes of thinking she'll actually get out of this alive, she realises she won't see Kalei again after all. The only thing that softens that ache is knowing the absolute lashing Dorothea will receive from Kalei for that.

"Forgive me," he says.

"Oh, I do."

He pulls the trigger and the blast rings out. Quill watches Ballon fall after the gun fires backwards, and there's a sound, a yell of anguish that it takes her at least five seconds to realise is her own.

She runs to him, catches him as he falls, and cradles him in her lap. She weeps for him, as she has done for so many soldiers before him. Are all those who fight with her doomed to this? Is she doomed to fail every single one of them?

It's hard to know how long she sits there crying. But eventually she gets a hold of herself, of the version of herself who knows what has to come next. He is not a Quill, but he is a soldier, and she will bury him as he deserves.

She retraces their steps and finds the head and the knife and the arn, lying in the sand where the hologram of the school used to be.

Ballon's grave marker is made of stones. It only seems appropriate, though she's not quite sure where the stones came from. This place is strange. Her mind feels fuzzy. The main thing is that the stones are there, and she marks them with the knife.

The arn goes in her pocket, the gun in her hand, and she stands up. She's not sure where she's going, not sure if Dorothea will teleport her out as promised. She has no trust left in her. Just grief, and a slowly building rage.

When she gets out of here, everyone should be very, very afraid. (Well, everyone except Kalei.)

The Rhodian souls come down from the strange sky above her, the shining bolts of light surrounding her. Taunting her. She wants to tear them down one-by-one and stamp them out of existence.

"Now you come," she says. "Ha! You come to see me grieve!"

She grabs the nearest one and is not prepared for how it _burns,_ how it makes her _yell_ , the energy flowing through her too hot and too bright, until she can finally bring herself to let go. It feels like both a lifetime and mere seconds until she does.

When she collects herself, she realises her hair is long, past her shoulders. Her hands touch it curiously.

"Time passes differently here," she whispers. "How much of my life am I losing?" The injustice of it rises in her chest. Have these Rhodians not taken enough of her life from her? "You just keep taking!" she shouts at them. "Is that all you ever did?! But I fought you and I will still fight you. Because you know what?"

When she speaks again, her voice is quiet, soft with what might be the first hint of belief it's had since she realized she was inside the cabinet.

"I am free," she breathes, "and you are not the last. There is one of you still living. _Show me the way out_."

Quill sees the small opening in the air, and crawls through it, pushing her body through the small gap, forcing herself through until she falls onto the wooden floor of… Charlie's bedroom. Of course. Because she really was in the cabinet.

She picks herself up slowly, gasping. She's made it. She's back, and free.

Quill turns to look inside the still open cabinet, all the souls inside it shining. _I suffered in your homeworld, and I have suffered in your heaven, but I will suffer no more._

"No more," Quill says, scowling and slamming the cabinet doors shut.

_Because I, I am war itself!_

* * *

The walk back to the school is a blur. Her mind is singularly focused. Get to Charlie. Get to the little prince. Show him the arn. Show him that she's free. That she's not his slave.

As she walks slowly through the hallway, it briefly occurs to her that she doesn't feel quite right. Not by a long shot, actually. But then she hears the screams of the teenagers, and she has to push that thought aside.

They're in some kind of trouble, of course. Time for Quill to save their completely ungrateful little arses, _yet again_.

She shoots the strange angry light that has Charles by the ankle. The other teenagers storm out, leaving Quill with the prince and his boyfriend, both of whom are staring at her with shock as she moves to sit on the desk and rest.

She's so tired. Her whole body aches.

"How can you fire a gun?" Charlie asks.

"You do not want to talk to me, after the day I've had," Quill warns him.

Charlie looks at her with great confusion, but not the usual kind that just involves something human perplexing him. "Day? You've only been gone forty-five minutes."

Huh.

"Really?" Quill asks. "It seemed like a lifetime." It also seems like hours. It's impossible to know how long it really was, having been in the cabinet. Somewhere in between, probably. But it's been different for her body than her mind, if the hair is any indicator.

Matteusz is staring at her. "What happened to your eye? And your hair?"

"And how can you fire a gun?" Charlie asks again.

It's quite typical of them as people, really. Matteusz, as probably the only person other than Kalei that actually recognises her existence on a regular basis, asks about _her_. Charlie asks about the gun, about how she has become a threat. She might have almost been proud of Charlie, if she weren't so irritated.

"I just saved you, didn't I?" she retorts. "Isn't that my _punishment_?" She doesn't mind using his word for it now, his lie, because she's mocking it and him.

"But-"

"Yeah, well, consider it my last favour, Prince." She takes the arn out of her pocket and throws the bloody bag at him. He catches it and stares at it, uncomprehending. "It's the arn," she tells him, smirking. "I'm no longer your slave, Prince. I have my free will back, and I have my gun. And things? Oh, yeah, things are going to change around here."

The words are barely out of her mouth when she realises something is definitely wrong. Her head is foggy; her body is heavy. _What's happening? What did they -_

Everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, the canon divergence was a single line of dialogue getting changed ("That's okay, the last person I kissed was a robot" to "Don't worry, it's as natural as breathing"). So yeah, she still fucked Ballon. Frankly, it would be out of character to make her NOT do that. This is Quill we're talking about here.
> 
> If you're thinking "poor Kalei" then... yeah. She's understanding, immensely so... but still. Oh boy. We're really in angst territory for a good four chapters at least now, folks! 
> 
> Thanks for reading, please let me know what you thought!


	24. Prince vs. Maths Teacher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie makes the mistake of trying to get between Quill and her very determined girlfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The showdown we've all been waiting for. Grab your popcorn, folks.

Kalei wakes up to Xenophilius moving to sit on her stomach. She jerks up, and one of the headphones falls out of her ears, but she's paying it no mind because her eyes are fixed on the window.

It's dark out. And Quill isn't here.

Despair seizes her chest, but she does her best to squash it back down. No. There isn't time for that when she still has no idea what could have happened - or what still could be happening. No one ever gave her a timeframe, really.

Kalei gets her phone and tries calling Quill. No answer. She tries again. No answer.

She gets off the couch and goes to the bathroom to splash water on her face. Her hands slide down her skin, the roughness of the splint not doing much to reassure her. The cold water does help a bit, though.

"Just breathe," she says to herself.

Kalei pulls on her coat and shoes, then leaves, hurrying down to the school carpark to pick up her car, before driving to Quill's house, now immensely thankful that Quill had chosen to go back to her place yesterday, because otherwise Kalei would be completely lost as to where to look for Quill.

Kalei pulls the car up outside, and she has to stop and take deep breaths. She can't think about the different things that might happen when she knocks on the door, or of who will answer it, or what they will say to her.

Quill. _Oh yes, I'm alive, but I'm free and I don't need you anymore, Kalei. Thanks for being around to listen to me rant and get me off when I asked._

Charlie. _What? She's not here. I don't know where she is; she isn't answering my calls either._

Matteusz. _She's dead. I'm...I'm sorry. I did not realise you two were close?_

It's too much, and she has to stop those thoughts before she starts imagining anything else. "You can do this," she says to herself. She has to say it another ten times before it sounds even mildly convincing.

Finally, Kalei gets out of the car and walks towards the front door. It occurs to her that she's almost definitely going to have to speak to Charlie in some capacity, and that she won't be able to just ignore him, like she did during the maths lessons earlier in the week.

She hadn't even been able to look at him after what Quill had told her. Something about him just sitting there at his desk, smiling and laughing with April, had turned her stomach.

_He doesn't even want me_ , Quill had said.

She had also said that Charlie didn't see it as slavery, even though he was quick to order her to come home if he needed her, even though Quill had said that she wouldn't put it past Charlie to order her to stay away from Kalei.

It's so difficult to reconcile the smiling, cheerful boy she has been teaching with someone who has made Quill so miserable that she was willing to put her life on the line just for a _chance_ at freedom.

But then, it's not like human slave owners were unkind to every single person they met, or scowled all the time, either. Most of them were probably kind to the people around them that they considered equal. Most of them probably had pleasant dispositions.

Kalei shivers, and it has nothing to do with the cool evening air. She's in front of the door now, hesitating. The moment she knocks, all the uncertainty will go away, and she'll have to face the truth.

Fear has a tight hold on her gut. Mostly fear for Quill, but suddenly the idea of having to face Charlie in any capacity is terrifying.

She knocks. She _tries_ not to analyse the footsteps, but they don't sound like Quill's.

The door swings open. It's Charlie. She can't breathe.

"Miss Jacobs," he says, frowning with confusion. "What are you doing here?" He shifts uncomfortably. There's something nervous in the way his hands are fidgeting, how he seems to want to keep looking over his shoulder. "Look, this really isn't a good time-"

"Is she here?" Kalei asks, words thick in her throat. "Quill, is she here?"

His frown deepens, and his eyes become a fraction more guarded. "I'm sorry, but what business is that of yours?"

"Nevermind that, just tell me!" Kalei tells him. "She isn't answering my calls, I need to know that she's okay. So _is she here_?"

"Yes," Charlie says, swallowing, "but - hold on." He pulls a phone from his pocket. Quill's phone. " _Zombie Apocalypse Enthusiast._ That's _you_?"

"Why do you have her phone?" Kalei asks.

"Because it kept ringing," Charlie replies, like it's obvious.

"Why didn't _she_ answer?"

"Because she… can't."

Kalei's heart speeds up ,and she feels sick to the stomach with worry. "Why not?" Charlie doesn't offer any information. He just keeps staring at her like she's a particularly perplexing sign. " _Charlie,_ why can't she answer her phone?"

When he still says nothing, she moves to walk past him into the house, only for him to block her path.

"Charlie, let me in."

"No," he says, meeting her gaze with more resolve than she's ever seen in him. "Not until you explain what you're doing here. Why are you worried about Quill?"

"Because _you_ made her life so miserable that she was prepared to risk it just for a _chance_ to be free of you!" She finds herself shouting. "Do you even have any idea? She turned up at my house on Friday in tears, and _you_ did that to her!"

Charlie stares at her with shocked realisation. "You. _You_ 're the one she's been-" His cheeks flush, but to his credit, his gaze stays even. "I don't understand. April said she wasn't your type. What could you _possibly_ see in her?"

"The same things _you_ might see, if you took a moment to view her as a person and not just as an unwanted piece of property," Kalei snaps, her whole body shaking. "Now let. Me. Through."

"No," Charlie says again. There's steel in his eyes. Any trouble she had been having seeing him as a slave master is gone. "She's not - you can't see her. There are things you wouldn't understand - wait. You said to be free of me. Do you know-"

"I'm her girlfriend," Kalei says determinedly. "I know _everything._ Now, _your highness_ , get out of my way."

He's so shocked that she is able to push past him (she bumps her injured wrist and winces, but presses on), and he immediately follows, but thankfully doesn't try and stop her.

She doesn't know where she's going, but finally comes to a stop in the doorway of a bedroom. Sure enough, Quill is lying on the bed, fully clothed. Unmoving.

Kalei clutches the doorframe a bit too tightly. She doesn't want to get any closer, not yet.

"Is she-"

"She's alive," Charlie says, from behind her right shoulder. "As far as I can tell, she's just asleep and won't wake up. Well, that and-"

Kalei isn't listening, because she's letting out a sob of relief and rushing closer. At least, until she notices the long hair. And sees the large, curved stomach.

"What?" she breathes, coming to a halt, eyes wide. "Charlie, what the hell is this?"

"How should I know?!" he asks incredulously. "It had nothing to do with me!"

Kalei's eyes fix on the angry red line running down over Quill's left eye. "Her eye. Is that - is that what I think it is?"

"She got the arn out," Charlie says tightly. "Gloating about that and having her gun back was the last thing she did before collapsing. That's when we saw her stomach. Her clothes were obscuring it before that. Given the length of her hair, I can only guess that somehow her body experienced some kind of temporal acceleration, speeding up growth."

Kalei's head hurts. She doesn't know what to think. She had tried to prepare for dead Quill, indifferent Quill, injured Quill. But this?

"But how can she be pregnant?" Kalei asks. "I just don't see how that's possible."

"So it's not-" Charlie gives her a hesitant look when she turns to look at him questioningly, "yours?"

" _Mine_?!" Kalei repeats, panicking for all of a second about possible mishaps with alien biology, before drawing on logic to regain her calm. "No, Charlie, it's not mine, why would you-"

He shrugs awkwardly, face bright red. "Well, I don't know! I know virtually nothing about human reproductive biology, or whether whatever you have is compatible - I mean - I can hardly _assume_ about your-" He composes himself a little, and coughs, still looking flustered, even more red than before. "About you."

Kalei can only stare at him, her confusion and hostility fading for a moment to be replaced by amazement. If only everyone could have such an inclusive view on genitals. It figures that an alien slave master wouldn't be cissexist - that would have only made things a little more simple.

"As… refreshing as that mindset is, I can assure you that it's not possible for this to have been my doing," she says, biting her lip.

"Which means she had sex with someone else, someone who isn't you," Charlie says, not seeming to notice her wince. "Doesn't the term _girlfriend_ imply a monogamous arrangement on this planet?"

"We hadn't - we never talked about it," Kalei admits, wondering why the hell the thought of different cultural views on monogamy had never occurred to her.

"Well, it's not like she's trustworthy anyway. I doubt whether you having talked about it or not would have made a difference in the end," Charlie says, shrugging again.

His tone is so flippant. So assured. He genuinely believes what he says, in the most quietly arrogant way.

It gets under Kalei's skin, reminding her that she had for a moment forgotten who she was talking to. That this teenage boy is the reason any of this happened. The reason that Quill felt so threatened that she had to do this - that she ended up like this.

_She won't wake up._ The pregnancy might still be the most shocking part, but is no longer the most worrying, now that she remembers him saying that.

She moves to the side of the bed that Quill is facing towards, and bends over her so that she can push some of the hair out of her face.

"Andy? Can you hear me?" Kalei asks.

" _Andy_?" Charlie repeats, with horrified confusion.

Kalei ignores him and runs her thumb across Quill's scar. It's warm. Her whole body is, actually. It's burning. "Is it normal for her to feel this hot to the touch when she's… like this?"

"I'm not sure, but I think so," Charlie replies uncomfortably. "I don't know very much about her biology. I had… other preferred subjects of study."

"Of course you did," Kalei mutters, before turning her attention back to Quill and speaking more softly. "Quill, wake up. Please, wake up." Shaking Quill gently by the shoulders yields nothing. Nor does shaking her less gently.

The only thing that keeps Kalei from being _completely_ overcome with worry is the scar on Quill's face. Kalei finds herself touching it again, ever so lightly, this time with awe.

"You actually did it," she whispers, smiling widely despite the knot in her gut. "You actually got it out. See? There was no need to shout at me like that."

"Why are you _happy_ about this?" Charlie asks. "She's dangerous, now that she's free who knows what she'll-"

"I'm happy, because my girlfriend is no longer a slave," Kalei says slowly, like he's stupid, because she's almost half convinced that he is.

"Oh, for - not you too," Charlie says with exasperation, scowling. "It isn't - it _wasn't_ slavery, it was punishment, and it's _absurd_ that she's still determined to play the victim-"

"No," Kalei says, head snapping back up and a hot fury rising within her that drives her back towards the door, towards him. "You don't get to say that, like you have the first clue what slavery entails-"

"It _isn't_ slavery," Charlie argues, voice lower, eyes flashing dangerously, "and I won't have you - a quite frankly hostile stranger with a suspicious connection to the dangerous criminal who _I_ am responsible for- coming into _my_ house and acting like you know anything about my culture."

"This isn't about your _culture_. This is about people like you. Because this society had slaves too. Only a hundred and fifty years ago. People who looked like you _owned_ people who looked like me, and looks were the only reason why. Because we were different, and that meant we weren't good enough. The people that owned mine didn't think they were doing anything wrong either. I'm sure most of them were perfectly nice people. Good people, by their own standards. But really, they weren't, because they still _owned_ _slaves_. They still owned _people,_ and no amount of good intentions or ignorance can excuse that."

He looks at her with shock, before shaking his head. "It's completely different. The arn is a punishment for crimes committed, we didn't just do it to the Quill because we could-"

"But you never did it to your own people. Why? Why do you think that is? Because you knew it was wrong, deep down. If it's such a just punishment, why not give it to your own as well?"

"I - I don't have to explain myself to you," he says. "Why do you even _care_? I've seen you in classes, and out of them. You're the complete opposite of Quill, in every way; you can't actually have _feelings_ for someone like her, it would go against all logic-"

"Feelings aren't logical," Kalei says, "and what do you mean by _someone like her_? Do you mean: an abrasive warrior who fought to free her people from the oppression of yours? Or the woman who was so completely alone that she nearly cried the first time I touched her? Or the woman who looks surprised every time I pay her a compliment, because you make her feel so completely insignificant?" He says nothing, just keeps staring at her like she's the most baffling thing he's ever seen. "Or do you mean a _Quill_? Because that's sounding a lot like racial prejudice to me, _your highness."_

"I - she has _killed_ people!"

"She was a soldier, of course she did!"

Charlie's jaw clenches, and his expression hardens. "I think you should leave. I don't care what lies and embellishments she's fed you to make you this protective of her, but she is _my_ responsibility. A human has no business in this."

"You don't own her anymore, and she's my girlfriend. I'd say she's much more my business than yours."

"I _said_ I want you to leave."

"And I'm saying _no_."

"This is my house, and I'm telling you to _leave_ -" Charlie lifts his hand to point towards the front door, and freezes when he realises that Kalei flinched back from him when he raised it. "I - you're shaking. Why are you-" He looks shocked. "Are you…. afraid of me?"

Oh. She _is_ shaking.

"My family were slaves," Kalei says quietly. "Only about four or five generations back. I know what it does to a people, that kind of depersonalisation. So yes, I am quite frankly terrified to be more or less alone in a room with someone who had a slave and never once considered that the way he was treating her was killing her."

He seems to be completely thrown and thoroughly disturbed. "Unless you plan on helping Quill wreak any kind of havoc once she's awake, you have absolutely no reason to be afraid of me, Miss Jacobs. Please don't ever think otherwise."

"I wonder if you even hear yourself," Kalei says, swallowing. "That kind of demanding tone that could only come from someone used to ordering people around. And when you talk like that, _seeming_ all kind and well-meaning, and you wonder why I'm scared of you. People like you, who are also nice, happen to be the most dangerous out of anyone."

He doesn't answer. She wonders if he even knows how.

"And for the record, I'm not leaving." Ignoring his affronted look, Kalei moves to sit down next to Quill, stroking her fingers across her hair. "Not for a little while yet, anyway. And the only reason I will be leaving at all, is that I get the feeling that I wouldn't be able to carry her out of here without you pulling the gun you mentioned on me - because if you have her phone, you must have that as well."

"Do you really think I would shoot you?" When she looks up, he is frowning at her deeply.

"I don't know. I'm hardly in a position to be assuming the best of you," Kalei replies, arching an eyebrow. "You've been a good student, Charlie, but now I know that you're also the same person who doesn't see a problem with leaving Quill unable to defend herself if you're not around."

"That's because she's meant to be by my side, protecting me-"

"And hence not allowed her independence or free will," she argues, "so as I say: slavery. And from me, who holds absolutely no assumptions about what morality you may or may not possess. If you want me to believe you're a good person, Charlie, you're going to have to prove it to me."

"I don't have to prove anything to you," he says. "You're just my mathematics teacher, who seems to have an inexplicable attachment to the criminal I'm responsible for."

Kalei purses her lips. "If that's how you want to see it."

They hold each other's gaze, silently sizing the other up. They're both realising that neither of them is willing to give up without a fight, that both of them are determined to have Quill in their care. But Charlie has the gun, and Quill is already on his territory.

Still, Charlie can no sooner make Kalei move than Kalei can try to take Quill away from him.

Stalemate.

"Blankets," Kalei says after half a minute. "Do you have any blankets? She looks cold."

He looks surprised at the very idea of it, and she can't help but roll her eyes. Thankfully, he hurries off to fetch them without another word. It's a relief to finally be left alone with Quill. Kalei's fingertips trail along her bare arm, while her eyes finally find their way back to Quill's stomach.

It makes Kalei feel ill. It's too utterly bizarre, too impossible, too much to get her head around. And that's not even going into the implications that Charlie had so bluntly mentioned.

_We never discussed it_. Although unpleasant, the prospect of Quill having slept with somebody else does not have Kalei as upset as she expected. Maybe it just hasn't sunk in yet. Maybe she's so relieved to see Quill alive that it just doesn't register as a priority. Regardless, she'll deal with it later.

What a mess. But then, it's not like this upending of her life hasn't happened before.

First having to come to terms with the fact that aliens are real in the wake of an awful fight, and now Quill turning up unconscious and heavily pregnant, mere hours since Kalei had seen her last, just when it felt like they had found some kind of solid foothold for their relationship.

Is this the universe's way of telling her to look for companionship elsewhere? With someone far removed from all this alien nonsense?

"I don't know what to think about anything anymore," Kalei says to Quill, quietly. "I always thought you made things complicated, but… I'm realising things are always even more complicated when you're not here. So just… wake up. Please."

She tries shaking her again, just a little. Nothing.

"Wake up," Kalei says again, and she can feel her resolve crumbling away and knows she needs to regain it, but it's been a long and trying day and her head and heart are so _tired_. "Please just _wake up,_ Andy. I don't know what's happened to you, or where you've been or - or what you've done but I-" She gulps in shuddering breaths and feels tears in the corners of her eyes. "I just don't know what to do, Andy, I don't know how to deal with any of this-"

She rests her head against the duvet in front of her and lets herself cry. So much for her thick skin. It's gone - torn away by Quill, like everything else seems to have been.

"This is the only one I could - oh." Charlie's voice makes Kalei's head jerk up. She immediately lifts her glasses out of the way so she can wipe at her eyes - as if that'll hide what she's been doing when she's been caught in the act.

"Thank you," Kalei says sniffing, then getting up and taking the blanket from his hands. "How long do you think she'll be like this?"

"I don't know. I think I _possibly_ remember something about Quill pregnancy involving hibernation, but I can't be sure."

"Hibernation," Kalei repeats, testing the word on her tongue. It's strange. But then, it's alien, so it was always going to be. "So, she might be like this for a long time. How long?"

Charlie shrugs helplessly. "It could be days, or weeks, or… until whenever the baby… arrives?"

_The baby_. Somehow (probably because she'd been a little more concerned with the bizarre physical side of it and _how_ it had happened), Kalei's mind had not made the connection between Quill being pregnant and the rather obvious fact that it meant that there would eventually be an infant involved. She could almost hear Quill's voice: _human brains really are remarkable in their ability to miss the obvious sometimes_.

The baby.

Quill. With a baby. It's like trying to imagine giving a human infant to a particularly indifferent house cat. It just... doesn't remotely make sense.

Kalei can only shake her head and decide to think about that all later. Much later. For now, she approaches the bed with the blanket and lays it over Quill's still form, tucking the edges around her body as best she can and pulling it up past her shoulders. The sleeping blonde shifts, just a little, inhaling deeply but not waking up.

Kalei feels her body trembling with the force of the various confused emotions within her. But it doesn't stop her from leaning down and pressing a kiss to Quill's forehead.

"You really seem to _care_ about her," Charlie says with bewilderment.

"I do," Kalei says simply.

"But _why_?"

"It's not really any of your business," she replies, lifting an eyebrow. "I think you've intruded on her personal life enough." She checks the time on her phone, realising she has no idea what time of night it is. Ten o'clock. Damn. "Alright, I need you to make sure she calls me the moment she wakes up. If something else drastic changes, call me from her phone."

Charlie considers this, jaw tight. "Very well."

She nods and reaches out her uninjured hand to brush Quill's face. "If you're not awake by then, I'll be back tomorrow," she swears to her.

"You will?" Charlie asks, looking surprised and not entirely happy.

"Will you stop me?"

"Would there be any point in trying?"

Kalei smiles, just a little. "No. It's good to see you're at least sometimes capable of learning outside of the classroom."

"You could be a little nicer, given that I'm letting you into my home," Charlie says, frowning.

"I'll be nicer to you when you start to show a hint of remorse about the slavery that you're currently still set on denying the existence of," Kalei tells him.

"You should base your opinion of me on your own experience, not Quill's."

"I am. Today has been more than enough."

He purses his lips, eyes growing wider with disbelief, indignance, and maybe even a little hurt. "You can show yourself out," he says, turning around and walking away.

Kalei feels some of her nerves disappear when he does. She looks back at Quill and adjusts the blanket with unnecessary scrutiny, until it is finally just right. Then she kisses the top of her head, her forehead, and the scar over her eye.

"I'll see you soon," she promises, before leaving the room and then the house.

It's a strange drive home. She focuses on the road and traffic as much as she can, but it's difficult because Quill is alive and pregnant and probably _hibernating,_ and it's just all too much for her head. She isn't equipped to deal with this, she couldn't possibly have known that _this_ was what she would be getting into when she started this relationship.

Can it have only been just three weeks since she brought Quill that first coffee? How it is possible for things to have changed this much?

Less than a month ago, she was deciding to pursue Quill. And now, here she is, more successful than she could have hoped for, but also hopelessly out of her depth because _Quill is an alien slave who just freed herself_. _And is now pregnant and hibernating._

The strength of the feelings she has towards Quill has always been terrifying, but Kalei has never been more glad for them, because without them, she has no idea what she would do in the face of this insanity and adversity she could never have prepared for.

As it is, there is only one way forward, and it's to stick by Quill no matter what, at least for now.

All the same, when she gets home, Kalei's never been more glad for her sleeping pills, because otherwise she doubts she ever would have been able to get to sleep at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was everything you guys were hoping for! Let me know what you thought!


	25. Day One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalei goes to Dorothea for answers, and later finds that the last person she would expect seems to be concerned about her safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is Dorothea Ames such a fucking lesbian, she makes every scene with Kalei 150% gayer than necessary I SWEAR IT'S HER AND NOT ME OKAY
> 
> (Also, take everything Dorothea says with a grain of salt. How truthful she is being with Kalei in regards to her actions and motivations is totally up for debate/down to how you choose to interpret it. It's purposefully ambiguous - Kalei is not a reliable narrator in this regard and you don't have to think as well of Dorothea as Kalei tends to.)

The next day, at lunchtime, Kalei takes advantage of Sally being off to be with her brother again in order to avoid awkward questions, and instead she heads for Dorothea Ames' office. If anyone can give her any answers about whatever the hell went down yesterday on Quill's end of things, it will be the Headmistress.

"Tell me everything that happened yesterday," Kalei says as she barges inside.

Dorothea lifts an eyebrow. "It is polite to _knock_ , you know."

Kalei shuts the door and strides towards her. "Quill is unconscious and _heavily pregnant_ , so don't you dare try and tell me to mind my manners. Explain. Tell me what happened."

Dorothea lets out a long sigh. "Take a seat, my dear." She gets out of her chair and moves as Kalei does, so that they are sitting on the same loveseat as the day before.

"She's free, she got the arn out," Kalei says. "How did you do it without killing her?"

"By using a shapeshifter as a surgeon," Dorothea says, "but it wasn't as simple as that. We needed a sample from a living arn to soothe the one in her head, very specific blood to unfreeze the shapeshifter's hands, and a Quill brain for him to find the path through hers."

"...the first and last don't seem like things it should even have been possible to get, from what I know."

"Exactly," Dorothea says. "All three only exist in impossible places. We had to use what we call a Metaphysical Engine. It harnesses the power of belief. If you get enough beings believing something hard enough for long enough, space itself does respond."

"Alright, if you say so," Kalei says impatiently, "but what _happened_?"

"We were able to acquire everything, but the reliquary was dying; it didn't have enough power to get us all back. I got out first while Ballon performed the surgery - I had to report to the Governors and find out how to proceed. Their ruling was to give Quill and Ballon the choice of who could return. I tried to argue, I pleaded for them to find another way, but I'm afraid… they simply did not value Quill and Ballon's lives as I did. I was forced to deliver the ultimatum. I believe my friendship with Quill is forever damaged because of it."

"So Ballon chose to die? Or-"

"They were both soldiers; it was always going to be a fight to the death. Quill is the one who walked away. But by the time the reading for a single life form came through, she had found her own way out."

"Out of where?"

"The surgery was performed inside the Cabinet of Souls." Dorothea nods when she sees Kalei's eyebrow go up. "Good, so you know what it is. Being as close to Rhodian soil as possible increased the chances of the surgery succeeding. But as you might expect, it's not a typical place in regards to temporal-spatio stability."

"Meaning?"

"Time passes differently there," Dorothea explains. "It's how she had the time to find a way out of the cabinet before I could even realise the fight was over. I'm led to understand that she somehow located the actual, physical opening of the Cabinet, and emerged in young Charlie's bedroom."

"Time passes differently there," Kalei repeats. "So that's how her hair and stomach look like they do. Charlie said some kind of… temporal acceleration... was probably the cause."

"You're both correct, of course," Dorothea responds.

Kalei swallows. She needs to know the rest of it but also knows she isn't going to like it.

"But she had to be pregnant in the first place for it to be accelerated," she says quietly.

Dorothea looks at her with sympathy. "Yes. I'm sorry. She and Ballon were both soldiers and… apparently found a much more intense companionship in each other than I anticipated."

"I thought you were good at predicting things," Kalei says, finding her voice rather hollow.

"As did I," Dorothea replies, giving her an apologetic smile, "but I was banking on her relationship with you dissuading her from any such entanglements." She makes a face. "In hindsight, expecting monogamy from an alien with poor impulse control was certainly an error in judgement."

Kalei winces; so does Dorothea, a moment later.

"I'm sorry, my dear, that was insensitive of me," she says, taking Kalei's hand. "This must be so difficult for you to get your head around. Not quite what you signed up for, hm?"

Kalei shakes her head and gives a helpless sort of shrug, willing herself not to start crying again. She's sick of crying.

Dorothea slowly pulls her into a hug, giving Kalei enough time to lean away from her. But Kalei can't remember ever needing physical comfort this badly - apart from perhaps yesterday in the bathroom, when Sophia had hugged her - and so she is happy to wind her arms around Dorothea's neck and let the older woman hold her gently.

"I just don't know what to do, or how to feel, about any of this," Kalei whispers, "and I can't tell my best friend about any of it."

"I know," Dorothea says, her hand stroking over Kalei's hair. "I'm a poor substitute for Miss Liu, but I do want you to know that you can come to me. For _anything."_

"Thank you," Kalei whispers. "I think I really need a friend right now who knows what's going on."

"I'd like very much to be your friend, Kalei."

"I'd like that too."

Dorothea's scent is clean and ever so slightly reminiscent of citrus - oranges, perhaps. It's nice, and Kalei is happy to keep her chin resting on Dorothea's shoulder and just breathe it in.

They jump apart, however, when there is a knock on the door, turning to see the English teacher waiting outside, looking at them curiously through the window.

Dorothea gets up and tells him to come back in fifteen minutes before shutting the door and turning back to Kalei. "He's really no Clara Oswald, is he?" She asks, with a small sigh.

Kalei purses her lips. "I'm not sure. I think I may have been avoiding him for exactly that reason."

Dorothea lifts an eyebrow. "I wasn't aware that you and Miss Oswald were friends."

"We weren't, really. We just… liked each other, and respected each other," Kalei says, "though my view of her became a little less favourable in the months before her death."

"Understandable, from what I hear." They fall into an awkward silence as thoughts of Clara Oswald fade and the ones about Quill return.

"So... this Ballon was the father of the baby? And he's dead?" Kalei asks Dorothea, biting her lip.

Dorothea nods. "Yes, he was, and yes, he is. No need for you to worry."

Kalei stares at her. "What did you just say?"

"I said… there's no need for you to worry," Dorothea says slowly, more uncertainly, like she's realised she's spoken out of turn. "About your place of priority in Quill's life, I mean."

"I know what you mean," Kalei says, horrified. "What - what the fuck is wrong with you? Do you honestly think I should be _happy_ that he's dead? Hasn't she lost enough people that she cares about already?"

"Of course, I simply-"

"I'm far more concerned with her being alive and well, 'well' meaning _not emotionally traumatised_. For god's sake, if it had come to that, I'm open minded, she could have dated both of us if that would have satisfied everyone!"

Dorothea's eyebrows nearly disappear into her hairline. "Perhaps I've been been going about this all wrong," she mutters.

"I think you go about a lot of things all wrong," Kalei retorts, rolling her eyes and heading for the door. "Good day, Miss Ames."

It's almost satisfying to see Dorothea wince at the cold use of her surname, just before Kalei slams the door shut behind herself.

Kalei has no interest in making small talk in the staffroom, and instead she finds herself wandering the school until she ends up in the library. She naturally gravitates towards the mathematics section, because she needs something comforting and familiar right now, and nothing is more comforting and familiar to her than numbers.

It isn't the maths books she gets to, though. Instead she comes across Tanya Adeola, sitting on the floor of the aisle, with her legs crossed, a Sailor Moon manga open in her lap.

"That definitely doesn't look like my maths homework," Kalei says, smiling at her and leaning against the bookshelf.

Tanya jumps, but relaxes upon seeing her. "Oh, it's you, Miss. Sorry. I've done the homework, I swear."

"Even if you hadn't, it would hardly be my business to chase you up on it the lunchtime three days before it's due," Kalei replies, laughing. "It was a bad attempt at a joke. Sorry."

"No, it's me, I swear." Tanya sighs, only to frown a moment later. "Hey, do you know why Quill wasn't in class today? We had the Headteacher instead."

Kalei makes a face. "You should probably ask Charlie about that, not me."

"I'd rather not," Tanya says, looking uncomfortable. "Can't _you_ just tell me?"

"That would involve me having a clue about what's going on, and I just… don't," Kalei says lamely, doing her best to give the student a weak smile and failing. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, right." Tanya's eyes are wide. "Of course, sorry. Stupid thing for me to say."

Kalei takes that to mean, _of course, you don't know about aliens, oops_. It really isn't the time to correct her and open up _that_ conversation, so Kalei just smiles at her again.

"I'm hoping everything will make more sense soon," she says instead.

"Quill might be able to explain, at… some point."

Kalei sighs and shakes her head. "Like I say. I'm hoping so."

Tanya's eyes have zeroed in on her right hand and the splint encasing it. "What happened to your hand? I meant to ask in class. Because, no offense, your left handed writing is nearly impossible to read."

"I fell on it," Kalei says, shaking her head. "It was the stupidest, clumsiest thing. And therefore, exactly the thing I managed to do."

"That sucks, sorry," Tanya says sympathetically.

Kalei shrugs. "I'll be alright." _And sadly, it's neither the most painful nor the most irritating thing in my life at the moment._ "Enough about me, though, what about you? Where's April and the others?"

Tanya winces. "They're not my friends," she says a little too quickly.

"Oh," Kalei says quietly, "my mistake. I'm sorry."

Tanya swallows and looks straight ahead at the bookshelf in front of her, fingers knotting in her sweatshirt. "Yeah, me too."

There's a brief, awkward silence.

"Is there… anything I can do?" Kalei asks.

"No, I just… need some friends my own age, I think," Tanya says, looking down at her Sailor Moon manga and tracing one of the pages with her finger. "I dunno, I guess I just thought - thought I was gonna be part of a team. Or something. It was dumb. I need normal friends. That aren't gonna look at me like I'm a little kid."

"You're a wonderful person, Tanya," Kalei tells her genuinely. "You'll get them. I promise. Sometimes it just takes a while."

This conversation feels familiar, somehow. Like deja vu. But they've definitely not discussed this before because Tanya had seemed so happy with April and the others recently. It's something itching at the back of Kalei's brain, something just out of her reach. She's missing something. Something obvious.

Oh well. She'll work it out eventually.

* * *

When Kalei turns up at Quill and Charlie's house after school, Charlie just sighs when he sees her and steps aside to let her in, all without saying a word.

"There's been no change?" she asks him when she reaches the bedroom doorway, and he shakes his head.

"I've done my best to tip some water down her throat," he admits. "It was tricky but I think it was successful. I don't see how I can give her anything more solid until she wakes up."

"But we'll have to, surely?" Kalei says, frowning. He shrugs. It's not in an uncaring way. He just looks… lost. It almost makes her want to feel sorry for him. Almost. She's actually surprised he apparently cares enough to make an effort with the water. Just when she thinks she has this boy figured out, he surprises her.

He leaves her alone with Quill, and she sits next to her again, stroking her hair absently.

"I'm sorry about Ballon," she tells her. "I don't know exactly how important he was to you, but it sounds like he _was_ important. And so I'm sorry. I also don't know exactly what happened, but Dorothea made it sound like you had to kill him to escape. That must have been awful."

Silence falls and there's something so wrong about it that it's not just unsettling, it's almost _actively_ upsetting. Even when Quill would be quiet, there would be something loud about her refusal to speak. Not now. Now there is only the gentle sound of her breathing, too slow to be comforting.

"I already miss you," Kalei says, letting out a self-deprecating laugh. "That's the saddest part of this whole thing. Everything that's happening, and I know that maybe I should be angry or still panicking or still distraught and maybe I will be, later, but right now I just - I just miss you. It's only been a day and I miss you."

She just sits there, finding herself absentmindedly humming Princess Leia's theme from _Star Wars_ , then keeping it up because she knows that Quill liked it.

"Are you - are you singing to her?" Charlie asks from the doorway, some while later.

Kalei doesn't turn her head. "Humming. It doesn't have words."

"What is it?"

"Just a piece of music she likes."

He doesn't answer, and when she finally does look at him she sees that utter lack of comprehension on his face, like she's the most puzzling and concerning thing he's ever seen.

"Miss Jacobs, may we talk?"

"We _are_ talking, Charlie."

"Obviously," he says, flushing, "but - I want to speak plainly. So you'll understand that I have only the best of intentions."

 _Oh boy,_ Kalei thinks as he sits down on the edge of the bed, not too far from her. _I hate to think where this is going_.

"Go on then. Surprise me."

"I asked April about you. She had a lot to say. Virtually all of it good," he says, giving her a small smile that would be probably be pleasant to observe in any other circumstance. It only serves to make Kalei uncomfortable. "It proves my theory that you are, in fact, a very admirable person for the most part. A good teacher. With good intentions."

Kalei is touched at the fact that April MacLean apparently thinks so well of her, even if it doesn't exactly come as a surprise. "Thank you. But what are you getting at?"

"If you try to help people, if you're known to be kind to them, I think I can understand how Quill drew you in," Charlie says seriously, eyes solemn and sympathetic. "She's very good at spinning stories to make herself the victim, at making it sound like the things she did were justified and for a good reason. And I don't blame you for being taken in by them. But you need to understand that she did kill people. Innocent people. Her preferred form of attack, outside of direct open field warfare, was setting explosions in key strategic points. People died. Innocent people."

"I understand perfectly," Kalei says. "I never said that I approve of the things she did, Charlie. But I understand why she did them. ' _A riot is the voice of the unheard_.' I'd bet that the Quill at least asked to be treated fairly and were denied before they turned to violence."

"' _A riot is the voice of the unheard?'"_ Charlie scoffs. "What a ridiculous phrase. Did you just make that up?"

"It's a quote from one of our society's most celebrated civil rights activists, actually," Kalei replies. "Martin Luther King Jr. You should look him up sometime. You might learn something."

"Look, you're completely missing what I'm trying to say," Charlie says impatiently. "Miss Jacobs, I'm genuinely concerned for your physical and emotional safety! Whoever you think Quill is, it is at least half based on lies, on impossibly biased accounts. From what I know of you, you are deserving of a much more worthy romantic partner. Someone who cares about people the same way you do. Someone who can care about you as much as you care about them."

For several moments, she can only hold his gaze, stunned silent.

"You're absolutely unbelieveable, do you know that?" Kalei finally asks, voice quiet. "The fact that you _presume_ , to this degree, to know anything about me or my relationship with Quill, or how she is when she is around me, is genuinely astounding. Quill _does_ care about me. I've seen it."

"She is _heartless_ ," he says, voice faltering, "so I just can't believe that. Whatever you think you saw is wrong. I'm sorry."

The strangest, most unsettling part is… he genuinely is. He genuinely feels all of what he says he does. Kalei can see it. This boy is being absolutely truthful when he says that he is concerned for her safety and wants better for her - and he barely knows her.

_I suppose that to him, I qualify as a person, while Quill still doesn't. Not quite. Implicit racism really is a bitch sometimes._

"You know she thinks of Matteusz as her ward?" Kalei tells Charlie, who tenses at his boyfriend's name. "It goes back further than the parent's evening. A few weeks ago, his parents tried to come to the school, for a matter that required his guardians. Quill was outraged. She yelled at them to never come near the school or Matteusz, without his express permission. She told them that Matteusz was her business, and that she would handle any matters involving him."

"She… she did?" Charlie is plainly baffled, to Kalei's delight. "I don't understand. Why would she do that? I never told her to do anything that would make her react that way."

"She did it because she cares," Kalei says, "somehow, in some Quill-ish way. She's said how Matteusz actually acknowledges her, while most people don't. I imagine that if almost everyone around you pays you no attention, you truly notice when someone does, and you don't forget it."

"Is that why you think she cares about you?" Charlie asks. The 'you think' both irritates and hurts Kalei, but she takes a second to consider that he is asking it without an ounce of contempt. Like he's considering that what she's saying is actually possible.

"I think it certainly gave me a good starting point. But why she cares about me, and vice versa, is our business."

Charlie takes the hint and nods before leaving.

"Charlie?"

"Yes?"

"I appreciate your concern. I really do. And I know I come across as the clumsy, sweet teacher who gives chocolate to my students - which to be fair, is more or less true - but there's a lot more to me than that. And if you _ever_ again try to make out that I'm naive enough to fall prey to the kind of manipulation you suggested, we're going to have a serious problem."

Charlie doesn't so much as blink. His eyes are just sad.

"I never said you're naive, Miss Jacobs. Within the last day, I've come to believe quite the opposite. But the traps she set on our world were cunning and utterly ruthless, in ways I can't even begin to describe. Falling into one has nothing to do with your intelligence and everything to do with hers. I'm simply trying to prevent anyone else being hurt by her."

His words slip under her skin and turn her blood to ice in her veins. She knows better than him on this, and most of her is assured of that, but that small and insecure part of her has to wonder if maybe, just maybe, she's gotten it all wrong and Quill will have no reason to care about her once she wakes up.

No reason to not turn to violence. The violence she had, in fact, promised, right in front of Kalei.

_If I ever get this thing out of my head, I'm going to make him wish he was never born. I'm going to make him feel as helpless as I do, all the time, I'm going to make him regret ever thinking that doing this to another person is anything but one of the most despicable acts possible within the known universe, and the sound of his screams will be my most treasured memories for as long as I live..._

Kalei feels sick.

"Get out," she says to Charlie, if only out of sheer defiance, because at least half of her now wants to run away, far away from this house and the aliens inside it.

She wants to curl up somewhere safe and warm and forget that any of this ever happened. So once Charlie is gone, she glances back at Quill, tries to ignore the pangs of longing in her chest, and leaves.

She cries on the drive home and hates herself, Quill, and Charlie for it, all at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charlie is SO interesting to write. I love him so much, even though half the time I want to punch him in the face. Let this boy grow and learn and become less problematic please and thank you.


	26. Days Two and Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April helps Charlie and Kalei come to an understanding of sorts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> April! My brave daughter! I'm so happy to finally be bringing her more into this fic! 
> 
> More angst incoming. Sorry.

Kalei is so relieved to see Sally, when paying a visit to the hospital on Saturday morning, that she nearly bursts into tears the moment she sees her. She doesn't, because she still has _some_ control over her tear ducts, but it's a close thing because of how insane everything has become.

In the midst of all the alien insanity and talk of death and killing, there is Sally. Comforting. Familiar. And wonderfully, wonderfully human.

"Are you okay?" Sally asks as Kalei clings to her. The other patients in Cheng's ward seem vaguely concerned - Kalei supposes that strong emotion in a hospital tends to have particularly bad connotations. "On Thursday, you sounded-"

"I know," Kalei says, eyes shut and chest near bursting with affection for her friend. "I must have scared you, I'm sorry. Things have been so crazy."

Sally glances around the ward, then takes her hand. "Let's go outside."

"I can watch Bolin, don't worry," Cheng says, voice tired but cheerful. He's got stitches in several places, his leg still in traction, a serious cast on it. He'd suffered a bad break, requiring surgery, but he's going to be okay, although his mobility will be limited for a while, now. Bolin is sitting on the chair by Cheng's bed, a picture book in his lap.

The women slip out into the corridor. Once there, Kalei gives Sally the most accurate but abridged version of recent events that she can. She says that Quill has left town unexpectedly because of a dire emergency. She explains about how Charlie is Quill's ward and says that she'll be back but that there's no way to be certain of how long she'll be away. She says how Charlie has said things to her about Quill that are giving her doubts, but also that Charlie's parents told him a lot of biased things about Quill before he ended up in her care.

Despite everything, Kalei is still certain that Quill has mostly told her the truth about what happened on Rhodia. It's a small comfort, but a comfort nonetheless.

"Last Friday, you weren't even _speaking_ to her," Sally says, with disbelief.

"Oh my god, that was only last Friday, wasn't it?" Kalei covers her mouth. "It feels like weeks ago. Last weekend was like… like we just existed in some bubble away from the rest of the universe, away from time or school or teenagers or... common sense."

Sally looks at her with sympathy. "And now it's burst. Reality's awful like that."

"But now I'm afraid of what happens when she comes back," Kalei says quietly. "Of what she might do. Or that she might not… want me."

"Then she'd be an idiot." Sally grips Kalei's hand hard. "But you might just need to take a step back. You're kinda scaring me with how… intense you seem to be about her, when this has happened so fast."

"I can't help it," Kalei whispers. "It _is_ intense, and it _is_ fast. But that doesn't mean that what I'm feeling isn't real. And when you think about it, time can be a deceptive measurement. We've spent hours upon hours together, whole days. Some people who have been dating for a month, or even two, probably haven't spent as much time together as we have."

"That doesn't mean it isn't questionable or unhealthy," Sally says, sighing. "You've jumped into spending whole weekends together pretty much right off the bat. You've been… caught up in this, and I just think you need to step back and try and see it from where I'm standing. Because I'm not gonna lie, it's freaking me out a bit."

Kalei finds herself fiddling with Sally's fingers. "But that's exactly it. I _have_ gotten caught up in her. Completely. And it's as scary to me as it is to you, but it's happened and there's nothing I can do about it now. And she needs me, Sally. Or… she did. Now I don't - now I can't be sure of anything."

Sally hugs her to her side. "What am I going to do with you? I always said that big heart of yours was going to get you into trouble."

"It really has this time," Kalei says. "Every time I see her, it's like I can feel it doing a little excited dance or something equally ridiculous. Now it's like I can feel it physically hurting because she's not here. And I just want it to stop, because like you say, this is too fast and too crazy, and what if she gets back and it all goes wrong and I end up regretting everything?"

Sally hesitates. "Kalei, god knows you make a lot of dumb mistakes. But as much as I _really_ hate to admit it, I don't think I've ever seen you be wrong about a _person_. If you got this far with her, and you think she's worth it, then screw whatever some stupid little teenager is saying. Your gut is worth twice what he thinks he knows."

Kalei feels herself tearing up. "I love you."

"I love you too, you hopeless gay disaster."

* * *

"Why do you have a cat?"

Charlie's eyes have zeroed in on Xenophilius - who is in her arms - eyeing him with understandable bewilderment. Kalei just shrugs and smiles.

"I'll try anything at this point," she says, marching past him and through the hallway, until she comes into Quill's bedroom. She kisses the top of the cat's head before putting him on the bed against Quill. "I brought Xenophilius to say hello. He misses you."

"It's your cat, then," Charlie says from the doorway.

"Yes. He and Quill are quite good friends at this point. I thought it was worth a try."

"You have strange logic." Charlie is shaking his head, but his voice is more amused than anything else, and when she glances at him, his eyes are surprisingly light. "I'm sorry for what I said yesterday. Or rather, I'm sorry if I upset you. I stand by what I said."

"Apology accepted," Kalei says, biting her lip. "I know you mean well."

"I do. I promise you, I do. And trust me, if Matteusz were here, you'd have more of a problem with him than with me."

"What do you mean?"

"He… he thought that we should restrain her," Charlie says uneasily. "Tie her up so that when she comes to, she can't hurt me or anyone else."

Kalei stares at him with horror, but realises she can't even really call it a stupid thing to suggest. Quill _does_ want to hurt Charlie. She's said so.

"You and the Shadowkin are the only ones that have anything to fear from her," she says.

"But I _do_ have reason to fear her, don't I?" Charlie asks. "I can see it in your eyes. She's said something. Something that means you know Matteusz is right to be afraid for me."

"She needs you to use the Cabinet on the Shadowkin. You're not in any immediate danger," she tells him, but it sounds hollow. Like an excuse.

"That's why I haven't restrained her," Charlie says, swallowing. "I know that logically I still should, but I just - I can't. I don't know why. Maybe it just goes against my morals, tying someone up like that."

Kalei stares at him for a moment, wondering if he can actually be serious. But of course, he is.

"Or maybe, it's because she was a prisoner before she got the arn put in, and for her to wake up in bonds would probably trigger something awful in her," Kalei says, voice hard.

He blinks at her. "I… yes. Maybe that's it. I'd not really thought about it, but I suppose incarceration would have been awful, even for her."

" _Even for her_." Kalei shakes her head at him. "What is it going to take to make you realise that she's a person with actual feelings, the same as anybody else?"

"You didn't see what she did-"

"And you haven't seen the side of her that I have," she says firmly. "I have plenty of reason to see very little good in you, Charlie, after the hell you've put her through. But I'm actually an open-minded person and Matteusz Andrzejewski is a good, sweet boy who I know sees something in you worth caring about. And if you even remotely trust my judgement, as I trust his, then you would do well to reconsider your opinions."

"You can't compare me to _her_ ," he says with horror.

"I can do anything I like," she replies, lifting an eyebrow. Luckily for him, her own words have distracted her. "Where is Matteusz, anyway? Why haven't I seen him?"

Charlie winces. "He's… not here."

"I thought he lived here?"

"He does. Did. Things were said on Thursday...I don't - I don't know where we stand, now," Charlie admits quietly, his eyes full of sorrow. "I doubt he's with his parents, so I have no idea where he is, the only reason I know he's safe is because I saw him in class, but he won't talk to me and I keep worrying that something will happen to him because he's not here, and that maybe on Monday he just won't be at his desk, and-"

He's choking on his words, panic taking him into its clutches. Kalei doesn't move towards him, but she does feel a pang of sympathy.

"Charlie, you need to breathe," she says, and he tries. "You're close to a panic attack; you need to take deep breaths. It's going to be okay, and Matteusz will be okay, too. He's a smart, capable young man."

Charlie nods, gulps in air, and calms a little. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Not for that, anyway."

Kalei gets up and searches Quill's room until she finds a hairbrush. Settling herself on the other side of the bed, she reaches out to touch Quill's (now) long hair and slowly starting running the brush through it.

She can feel Charlie's gaze burning into her, but pays him no mind, and he eventually leaves.

"You'd better be grateful for my putting up with him," Kalei says to Quill, sighing. "It's exhausting and beyond confusing. But I'd also really rather that you don't kill him. I can understand why you want to, but he's just a boy, Quill. A boy who needs to be taught several possibly harsh lessons, but has a huge capacity for good. I understand how you can't see that; it's hard for me too, but it's true."

Quill shifts slightly, and Kalei thinks she might actually be leaning into the strokes of the brush. Hopeful, and heart leaping in her chest, Kalei reaches out to stroke Quill's hair where it rests against the side of her head. Sure enough, Quill ever so slightly leans into the touch.

"So you're still in there," Kalei whispers. "Thank god."

She can feel herself getting teary again, and she sets the brush aside so she can lie down on the bed next to Quill and snuggle against her. Ideally she'd want to put her arms around her stomach, but the pregnancy makes that too utterly bizarre, so she settles for just resting her hand on Quill's arm and resting her head against Quill's bare shoulder.

She breathes in the scent of Quill's skin, and she really does start crying again, just a little, because it's so wonderful and familiar and she didn't know how much she needed that until now. Just like how she had needed Sally.

How did everything get so crazy in three days?

* * *

Kalei can't stand the idea of waiting around her apartment on Sunday until visiting Quill in the afternoon. So she decides to go early, and then stop in at the hospital again later in the day and offer to take Bolin somewhere to give Sally and Cheng some peace.

When she gets to Quill and Charlie's house, she knocks but receives no answer. She tries again, calling Charlie's name, but still nothing.

The door is unlocked, so she throws social convention aside, because there's nothing conventional about any of this anyway, and walks into the house.

She tries calling Charlie's name, once inside, but he doesn't seem to be home.

It's not like it matters much - he's not the one she's here to see. She goes to Quill's room, where sure enough, there's no change. With a small sigh, Kalei lies down on the bed next to her, stroking her hair.

"I wonder if you're dreaming," she says. "I don't suppose it's possible that you can hear me?"

She leans over and presses a kiss to the corner of Quill's eye, then her temple. She can't quite bring herself to pull away, and so lets herself lie there, her body shadowing Quill's and her face buried in the crook of her neck, eyes shut.

One of her hand gently strokes over the bare skin of Quill's arm (the blanket has slipped down to rest just above her large stomach).

It's surprisingly comfortable, and comforting. Kalei breathes in slowly, letting Quill's familiar scent calm her.

She doesn't realise she's fallen asleep until she wakes up to a loud 'what the fuck' and jerks her head towards the door to see a bewildered April, standing there with a small tub of ice cream in one hand.

"April?" Kalei asks, drowsily, righting her very crooked glasses as she sits up.

"Miss Jacobs, what's going on?" April's eyes are wide, confused, and not half horrified. "Why are you-"

"She's with Quill. _She_ 's the one that Quill has been sleeping with," Charlie says, appearing in the doorway. "Apparently, they're dating."

"What?" April blinks. "But - Miss Jacobs wouldn't - not with _Quill_ -"

"Actually, yes, I would, and yes, I am," Kalei says, resisting the urge to be sharp about it, because this is _April_. April who is sweet and good and kind, April who she pulled into her arms and let cry into her shoulder at Clara Oswald's funeral. April, who almost definitely has good reason to be sceptical about this whole thing. Besides, this isn't the most ideal way for April to find out that her alien physics teacher is fucking her maths teacher.

"But… why?"

"Why does anything like this ever happen?" Kalei asks, shrugging. "It just… did."

"But, no, wait-" April turns to frown at Charlie. "You said that she's hibernating. And _pregnant_ , that there was some kind of time acceleration. But she couldn't be if she's dating Miss Jacobs, unless-"

She whips back to Kalei, eyes wide.

"Oh my god, Miss, I never even realised," she says, awed. "You're _such_ an inspiration, honestly. I get why you wouldn't want it to be common knowledge-"

It takes a moment for Kalei to work out what she's talking about.

"April, no," Kalei says with an odd laugh because _what is it with these wonderful children and their inclusive assumptions?_ She's the opposite of complaining, but it is making for some bizarre conversations. "I'm not trans. It's not mine."

April's deflated, her excitement fading into disappointment, then confusion, and finally awkwardness.

"Then, whose is it?"

"We don't know," Charlie says. Which isn't true, but he has no way of knowing that Kalei does now, in fact, know exactly who fathered the baby. Well, she knows his name and that he was a shapeshifter, anyway.

Wait, but wouldn't that mean - _oh my god, the baby will be half shapeshifter._

Kalei's not quite sure what her face does to convey the nature of her revelation, but April definitely reads it wrong.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry, that's so insensitive," April says with horror, hands covering her mouth. "I just meant - I mean-" Her shoulders slump. "I'm sorry, Miss Jacobs. I just… have no idea what to say. This whole thing is so _weird_."

"You're telling me," Kalei says with a morose smile. "You don't need to apologise. There's hardly a social script for… whatever the hell this is."

"I think I need some tea," April says, as she spoons some of her ice cream into her mouth absently. "I think you need some too, Miss Jacobs."

"Change it to coffee, and you'd be right."

April smiles. "Coffee then."

"April-" Charlie protests. "I don't think that-"

"Charlie, what's going on right now is _nuts_ ," April says gently, leaving the tiny ice cream spoon on her mouth for a moment so her hand is free to reach out and give his shoulder a squeeze. "I think sitting down with tea and coffee is what we all need. Come on, both of you."

Kalei gets off the bed and slips her feet back into her heels. As April cheerfully heads down the corridor to the kitchen, Kalei reaches the doorway and meets Charlie's eyes. He looks as uncertain as she feels, and they both abruptly look away and move to follow April.

"How do you like your coffee, Miss?" April asks.

"It varies, but today I think I'll take it black, one sugar," Kalei replies. She hovers in the doorway until April's movements in the kitchen and Charlie's hovering near the countertop leads her to stiffly sit down at the dining table and fold her hands in her lap.

"What about you, Charlie? Tea or coffee?"

"Tea, but I'll make it, don't worry," he says quickly, and he hurries to fetch three mugs and two tea bags, while April busies herself with the coffee maker.

Once he's done that, he's stuck until the kettle is done boiling, and he leans against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. Kalei, meanwhile, taps her fingers on her other hand. Her handbag and phone are still in Quill's bedroom, and it feels like being without a safety blanket. Phones are so perfect for painful situations like this. Instead, she's stuck sitting here.

April turns towards them and stops after a few seconds. Her eyes flick between Charlie and Kalei several times, taking in their furtive glances at each other and the awkwardness and tension in the room.

"Oh. I've… done something wrong here, haven't I?"

"I don't know if that's quite the right way to put it," Kalei says quietly.

"She's visited every day since Thursday night," Charlie explains, frowning. "And in all that time, we've never done… this."

"I've never even been in the kitchen before," Kalei adds.

"Why not?" April asks.

Kalei has no answer, and gives a small shrug in way of reply. Charlie, meanwhile, snorts in a manner that is still somehow regal - in a derisive, indignant sort of way.

"Probably because I don't tend to offer hospitality to people who continually insult me in my own home," he says.

"Just as I don't tend to feel comfortable receiving it from anyone who makes me out to be an easily manipulated idiot who can't tell when someone is only _pretending_ to care about me," Kalei replies, without missing a beat. "The difference is that when I call you a former slave master, it's not actually up for debate, no matter what you might think."

"You see what I've been putting up with for the last few days?" Charlie asks April. "She might be a brilliant mathematician, for a human anyway, but she has no idea what she's talking about otherwise. April, can _you_ tell her?"

April blinks at him. "Tell her what?"

"About Quill. Why she can't be trusted, why she can't possibly have actual _feelings_ for Miss Jacobs. Maybe she'll listen to you, since Quill hasn't turned her against you."

"I mean… I'm not going to do that," April says, slowly and sheepishly.

Charlie looks perplexed. "Why not?"

"Because how would I know?" April asks, giving him a helpless shrug. "Quill might not be the most trustworthy, but at the same time, Charlie, there's something… honest about her."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this, from _you_ of all people!" Charlie says, horrified. "April, she nearly had you killed! She told me to kill Corakinus, in full knowledge that you would die too!"

"I'm sorry, _what_?" Kalei asks sharply.

"Oh, didn't mention that to you, did she?" Charlie asks her hotly. "What happened to, ' _I'm her girlfriend, I know everything_?' Well, I'm not surprised she left that part out. She knows you actually have a heart." He winces, for some reason, and looks to April. "Sorry."

"It's fine."

"Explain," Kalei says, voice trembling. "Explain, right now, what you meant when you said that Quill nearly had you killed, April. And I do mean _April_."

"I-"

"She knows, April," Charlie reassures her, sighing. "Maybe not all of it, but enough that it's safe for us to tell her anything."

"You said a word that I didn't quite catch - Cora-"

"Corakinus," Charlie says, gritting his teeth. "King of the Shadowkin."

"Oh," Kalei says. Charlie looks relieved that he doesn't have to simplify any more of it.

"Charlie and Quill's gun is special. It works by displacing things in time and sending them out into space, scattering," April explains slowly. "Shadowkin attacked me at the school, the night before prom, when I was decorating. Quill sort of saved me at first, but then she tried to get me to use her gun. She said she couldn't use it herself-"

"Which is true, she couldn't even use razors, she had to use wax, she told me," Kalei interjected.

"Right, but the Shadowkin mostly attack by living in your shadow, and if they're doing that, then they can only be killed if you are."

"So the gun can be set to shoot both ways, to kill target and shooter."

"And Quill asked you to shoot this Shadowkin King with it, knowing that it would kill you," Kalei says, feeling sick.

April nods. "Well, I _did_ shoot him, actually. But Charlie sort of… tackled me in the same moment, and so I only got a glancing blow. Corakinus and I were both hit, but…"

"The gun destroyed Corakinus' heart and displaced April's," Charlie explains. "Ever since that moment, it has been phasing in and out of space-time, beating once for her, and once for him."

"Oh my god," Kalei whispers. "But wouldn't that have some kind of effect? On April's health?"

"I get short of breath and stuff like that," April says with another nod. "I can feel it, and its absence, constantly. At every moment, actually. But I've adjusted, and I'm getting better at tuning it out."

Kalei can only stare at her with amazement. She knew April was strong, but this is something else altogether.

"But what about this King? What happened?"

"Quill wanted me to shoot him while he was weak, while we could. But that would kill April, now. So I wouldn't do it."

"And she didn't understand why not," Kalei realises, sighing and rubbing her temple.

"Of course she didn't, because she's heartless and all she cares about is revenge," Charlie replies, frowning at her.

Kalei shakes her head. "That's where you're wrong, Charlie. Revenge is her number one priority _because_ she cares so much. Admittedly, not about you or about April. But she cares about her people; everything she ever did was for them, and now avenging their deaths is the only thing she can still do for them. She probably expected you to feel the same way she did, she'd-" Kalei closes her eyes and wills herself to admit the next part. "She doesn't understand the priority of a single life over something like that."

"And yet, you still side with her," Charlie says, with disgust.

"I'm not siding with anyone!" Kalei retorts. "Although, on the matter of April living, I'm on April's side."

"I mean, I actually was ready to… sacrifice myself in order to get the Shadowkin to leave," April admits, "but I was glad that it didn't come to that."

Kalei winces. "That's… that's very admirable, April. But I'm glad it didn't come to that, either. And when it comes down to it, that's your life and your choice." She glances at Charlie. "I was simply offering insight into Quill's reasoning. I wasn't excusing the fact that she was ready to have April be killed. I was saying I understand why she was. They're not _remotely_ the same thing."

"Exactly," April agrees, and when Charlie looks at her incredulously, she shrugs. "It was the strongest asset we had against them, making use of it was the obvious thing to do. I'm not saying I'm thrilled that Quill would have been so ready to let me die, but she's a soldier, it sort of makes sense."

The kettle starts whistling, breaking them away from the conversation. April and Charlie move to make the coffee and tea, and soon they're all sitting at the table with their drinks. April wrinkles her nose when she tries her last spoonful of ice cream after a sip of tea.

"Okay, that was a mistake."

Kalei smiles fondly. "I think there isn't tea flavoured ice cream for a reason, yeah."

April laughs and takes another gulp of tea. For a few moments, she is quiet, and then she looks at Kalei hesitantly. "Miss Jacobs, if you don't mind me asking… how are you doing? All this crazy stuff is happening with Quill, and if you two really are - were - I mean-" April frowns. "I'm getting this all wrong again."

Kalei curls her hands around her mug, letting the warmth sink into her fingers. It feels like Quill's skin, overly warm with hibernation, and it both comforts her and makes her wish she could be back in that bedroom and not in the middle of this conversation.

"I honestly don't know how I am with all of this," she says slowly, "only that I'm confused and scared. And that I'm _not_ comfortable discussing anything in regards to my relationship with Quill in front of someone who keeps implying that she doesn't care about me."

"Well, I'm not comfortable having someone who would knowingly have sex with a mass murderer sitting in _my_ kitchen and passing judgements on _me_ , yet here we are!" Charlie retorts, making April choke on her tea and Kalei flinch.

"At least my judgements are about the morality of _slavery_!" Kalei says. "I don't see you going around telling the significant others of any _human_ soldiers that they're disgusting individuals not worthy of expressing an opinion!"

"I never called you disgusting. I would never do anything like that," Charlie replies, affronted. "You're the one that called me a dangerous racist with empathy issues-"

Kalei sighs, half rolling her eyes. "No, you just told me that I'm a naive, yet admirable, person who simply deserves someone who cares about me back-"

"Just as you said that I was extremely ignorant about certain issues but otherwise probably a good person in my own way!"

There is a brief silence as they stare at each other, both frowning, while April just seems confused by the bizarre turn the conversation has taken. It takes several moments for them to catch it themselves, for them to realise that despite their tones still being heated and hostile, the words - the truths - have shifted somewhere else.

Charlie and Kalei hold each other's gaze across the table, both breathing a little harder than normal after raising their voices, both tense and confused until -

They laugh. A chuckle escapes Charlie's throat and makes his eyes flood with warmth, and in that same moment, Kalei lets out a little giggle herself, shaking her head. They laugh harder, grinning at each other across the table.

"What's happening?" April asks, staring between them with bemusement.

"I have no idea," Charlie says, still laughing.

Kalei covers her grin with her hand. "I think we might have just realised that we're not enemies. And that we have some similar priorities."

The laughter fades and leaves a quiet in its wake, but this time it's a comfortable silence. They drink, almost in unison, and smile softly at each other from across the table.

"Do you want to hurt Quill?" Kalei asks quietly. There is no accusation in her voice, just caution, and curiosity.

"No," Charlie replies. "Would you condone her hurting me? Or anyone else?"

"No. Unless, perhaps, that anyone else were pertaining to the Shadowkin."

Charlie nods, and they share another smile. Kalei lets out a long breath, feeling lighter somehow, like she hadn't even known a weight had been on her shoulders until it was gone. Charlie seems similarly relieved.

"What just happened?" April asks, frowning. "Are you two friends now?"

"Not while he refuses to acknowledge and take responsibility for what he did to Quill," Kalei says calmly.

"And not while she refuses to consider that I might be the one in the right and continues to side with Quill despite her numerous crimes," Charlie agrees.

"Then what?"

"I think we've come to… an understanding," Kalei muses.

Charlie's lips twitch. "I think Quill would call it a truce. Of sorts."

Kalei laughs. "Yes, she would. Alright, a truce then."

"Well, that's a start," April says, her usual optimism creeping back into her voice, her eyes tentatively looking hopeful. "I'm glad I could help facilitate this, then."

Kalei nods and thanks her. Part of her wants to ask what they've been up to today, but she suspects the answer is as simple as going out for ice cream - which is actually what she could do with Bolin, later. And to be quite honest, this whole conversation has exhausted her entirely, and she has a lot to process now.

Mainly that April is sharing a heart with an alien warlord and that Quill had been willing to kill both.

"I should probably be going," Kalei murmurs. "I have other places I need to be. There's a four year old I need to take out for ice cream."

The two teenagers share a confused frown, as she gets up and thanks them for the coffee. She returns to Quill's bedroom to fetch her handbag and kisses Quill's forehead in farewell, before leaving the house.

It turns out that tasking oneself with entertaining a small child is a pretty effective distraction from one's problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing April and Charlie and Kalei together was fun new territory. I hope you guys liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	27. Days Four, Five, and Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalei and Dorothea continue their pattern of reconciling and falling out again. Kalei learns a few things from Tanya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned I love Dorothea Ames? I do, I really really do.

Come Monday, Matteusz is still in school and evidently alright. Kalei finds herself sharing a tiny smile with a plainly relieved Charlie, before she gets on with starting her lesson.

Lunchtime brings Dorothea Ames to Kalei's classroom. She hovers in the doorway with the uncertainty of someone with their tail between their legs.

It's beyond strange to see _that_ in the Headmistress. Something about it is just _wrong_.

"What?" Kalei asks, tiredly, when she sees her.

"I was wondering if you would allow me to apologise," Dorothea says, her fingers knotted together in front of her with a kind of anxiety. "What I said on Thursday was thoughtless and very much as horrible as you made it out to be. It might not come as a great surprise to know that I sometimes struggle with appropriate empathetic responses. Not that that's any excuse, of course."

Only Dorothea Ames could attempt what appears to be a sincere apology with such overly eloquent sentences. ' _Struggling with appropriate empathetic responses,' no kidding._

Kalei crosses her arms and regards Dorothea carefully. She is torn between unease over what has been said and a feeling in her gut that tells her that Dorothea means well, that Dorothea is someone she likes and _should_ like.

"Are you apologising or asking permission to apologise?"

Dorothea lets out a funny little laugh. "Both, I suppose."

"Go on, then."

Dorothea steps closer, holding her gaze, brown eyes intent and genuinely apologetic. "I'm sorry, Kalei. I shouldn't have said what I did. It was crass and demeaning to everyone involved, and I'm truly sorry."

Kalei considers this. "Okay. Apology accepted."

If she had held any remaining doubt about whether forgiving Dorothea was the right call, the way that the other brunette's eyes light up with sheer relief and joy, washes it away.

"Thank you," she says.

"Well, I would still like us to be friends, I think," Kalei tells her. "I do need one that knows about all this alien stuff. Let me guess; all of your friends are involved with aliens somehow too."

A strange look passes over Dorothea's face. "Well, no, not exactly."

"But some of them, at least?"

"I'm a little busy to maintain friendships outside of my work, actually," Dorothea says, almost embarrassedly. "So much to do. The Governors are very demanding with my time. You know how it is."

"Not really," Kalei replies, lifting an eyebrow. "Why don't you just tell them that you need some more time for yourself?"

"Oh, no, I couldn't do that!" Dorothea says, with an adamant shake of her head. "Our work is too important. And they would not like that at all. I can't let them think I am no longer worth their time. I have to remain useful, hardworking, or else they..."

She trails off, eyes unfocused somewhere behind Kalei's shoulder, hands knotted with worry again. There's something in her eyes that looks unnervingly close to fear.

"Why do you sound scared of them?" Kalei asks, frowning at her. "You have to remain useful and hardworking or else they _what_?"

"It doesn't matter," Dorothea says, eyes snapping back to Kalei's, her tight smile not remotely reaching them. "I have no intentions to stop in my work."

"No, it does matter," Kalei argues. "You've got me kind of… worried, now. You're making it sound like they'd hurt you if you messed up."

"I don't tend to make mistakes, Kalei. And besides, even if I did, they wouldn't hurt me. My belief in our cause is too pure," Dorothea says, but there's a tremble of uncertainty in her voice. "I have a positive vision."

"What does that mean? What's your cause?"

Dorothea shakes her head. "Nothing you need concern yourself with, my dear. Let the Governors worry about it. Though your concern is… not unappreciated."

"I'm not concerned about some random cause or a board of increasingly mysterious governors that I've never met," Kalei says, reaching out to put her left hand on Dorothea's shoulder, making the older woman look at her with surprise. "I'm concerned about _you_. If you - if you really think it's possible that someone might try and hurt you for making a mistake, then… make a contingency plan. Isn't that what you do?"

"Contingency plans are for helping the cause, not for going against it," Dorothea says, her back straightening a little and a determination returning to her eyes. The vulnerability in her disappears, only to be replaced with the cool, confident Headmistress that Kalei knows well. "But once again, I appreciate the sentiment."

Dorothea squeezes Kalei's hand where it rests on her shoulder. Then her gaze falls to Kalei's other hand, strapped in the splint and hanging at her side.

"How's the wrist?" she asks, releasing Kalei's left hand to reach for the injured one. As always, her touch is gentle and curious. "The splint has done its job, I trust?"

"Yes, it's been great, thank you," Kalei says, smiling. "It's not been hurting nearly as much as-" She shuts her mouth, not meaning to admit to the emotional turmoil so openly. But then, Dorothea already knows about it, really. "Well, you know. The confusion and such."

"Of course," Dorothea says, with gentle understanding, retrieving Kalei's other hand so that she can gently clasp them both in her own. "You know that despite my busy schedule, I'll always try to make room for you if you need someone."

"Thank you."

"Well, I'd best be going. Always so much to do!" Dorothea returns to the doorway. "Thank you, Kalei."

"Thank _you_." Kalei hesitates. "And just… look after yourself, alright? You're so meticulous in everything you do that it would be a shame if something happened because of misplaced belief."

Dorothea actually flinches. "There's nothing misplaced about it, Miss Jacobs," she says rather sharply. "As I've requested before, do keep your nose out of board business, if you please."

With that she walks away, leaving Kalei vaguely bewildered. Their whole relationship seems to be some sort of game of two steps forward, one step back.

Is it Kalei's turn to apologise, this time? She'll worry about that tomorrow.

* * *

Kalei has only been in Quill's bedroom for five minutes after school that day when Charlie comes in bearing a steaming mug of coffee and a mixed plate of biscuits.

"Black coffee, one sugar, wasn't it?" He asks, holding it out to her. "I don't know if I made it correctly, Matteusz is the one that drinks it and he would always-" He trails off awkwardly as she takes the coffee and has a sip.

"It's just fine," Kalei assures him. "Thank you."

"Oh, and I didn't know if you preferred chocolate or the dodgy jams, so I gave you both."

The plate has three chocolate digestives and three Jammy Dodgers on it, arranged with perfect symmetry.

"Uh, thanks?" Kalei can't help but be bemused by the whole thing. All the same, she takes one of each biscuit and dunks the digestive into her coffee. "You don't have to do this. I'm imposing on you, I'm not your guest."

"Very true," he says, making her chuckle, "but it's been pointed out that I should be more considerate of your feelings in all of this."

"And you think biscuits are the solution?"

"Well, Matteusz always said that chocolate is the solution to most negative emotions," Charlie explains, a slight sadness entering his eyes for a moment before something curls the edge of his lips. "Besides, if it can mollify even Quill, it _must_ possess powerful properties."

Kalei finds herself giggling. "Well, when you put it like that. You should have seen when I first showed her mochaccinos - coffee with chocolate."

"She does love coffee. I don't care for it myself, but she must drink at least four cups a day."

"Of course, how do you think I got her to give me even a second of her time?" Kalei asks. "I was just an irritation. But then I brought her coffee, and suddenly I was worth paying attention to."

Charlie lets out a small chuckle. "That does sound like her. But how did coffee turn into… all the rest of it?"

"The same way I imagine it did with you and Matteusz. You talked, and liked talking, and you find them attractive, until one day you're doing something other than talking."

His cheeks flush, and she bites into the second biscuit, vaguely amused.

"I suppose so. It's just difficult for me to imagine her liking anybody. Even someone as amiable as you. No, _especially_ someone as amiable as you. What makes you so special?"

"I'm not special, Charlie," Kalei says, with a soft smile as her gaze flicks from him to Quill. "I just actually paid attention to her. That's all she ever needed - someone to actually talk to her for no reason other than because they wanted to. She didn't have that before."

She can't quite keep the accusation from her voice, and it's satisfying to see Charlie look ever so slightly sheepish.

"I suppose that makes some sense," he admits. "But what doesn't makes sense is you. People already talk to you, people already like you. April says you could probably date anybody you wanted. Why _her_? Why _Quill_?"

"She's very pretty," Kalei says quietly, _her_ cheeks flushing now when he turns a sceptical look on her.

"That's it? She's _pretty_?"

"That's how it started. She caught my eye, and then she intrigued the rest of me with her...manner. She's not like anyone I've ever met before."

"No kidding," Charlie scoffs, and Kalei rolls her eyes. "But that doesn't explain why you're still _here_."

Kalei frowns at him, not understanding.

"Miss Jacobs, she had sex with somebody else," Charlie says with exasperation. "And you're still here, every day, keeping vigil at her bedside. She doesn't deserve that from you."

Kalei all at once feels rather sick. Why has she been telling Charlie all this? Truce of sorts or not, he'll never understand.

"You have no right to make judgements of what she does or does not deserve from me," Kalei says, voice very quiet as she stares into her cup of coffee. "When you care about somebody, you don't abandon them, not easily."

"But she's made it clear that she doesn't care about you-"

"No, she hasn't. She just had sex with somebody who isn't me, there's no definitive correlation between the two."

Charlie stares at her with horror. "You're deluded."

"No, I'm open minded, and trying to be mindful of the fact that she's probably not monogamous by nature. I know she cares about me, Charlie. It's no delusion." Kalei frowns. "I can only assume from your attitude that your people were far more monogamous by nature than the Quill."

"Of course," Charlie says. "Love and relationships for us are about combining what we have with what someone else has. So naturally, to combine with more than one person takes away from what you can give to the first."

"That isn't how it works, Charlie," Kalei says, with a soft smile and a sense of pity in her heart. "God knows, if I know one thing, it's that love is infinite and that caring about new people doesn't have to take _anything_ away from the people you already care about. Really, when you think about it, saying you can only be in a relationship with one person is like saying you can only have one friend."

"That's ridiculous."

"Exactly."

"That's not what I - look, nevermind. What I just can't understand is why you care about her this much." Charlie says. "Intriguing is all very well, I suppose, but it isn't enough for _this_! You claim to not be bothered by all of this, but you flinch every time the pregnancy or the other parent comes up. It hurts you."

"I never said it didn't hurt me," Kalei retorts. "It's just not enough of a reason to walk away."

" _Why_?"

"Because-" Kalei chokes on her words, one truly alarming trio of them appearing in her mind for the briefest of moments before she pushes them far, far away. "Because, within a month of knowing me, there are parts of me that she already understands better than anyone else I've ever met."

Oh, god. She can feel the tears pricking at her eyes again. Charlie is looking at her with - well, she doesn't know _what_ it is, concern mixed with something that is almost like wonder, but not nearly so positive.

"I think I should go," Kalei whispers, and she shoves her mug into Charlie's hands so she can get up and kiss Quill's forehead in farewell, before hurrying past Charlie and out of the room.

"Wait, Miss Jacobs, I didn't mean to upset you, I just-"

She's out of the door before she can hear what he was _just_ trying to do.

Being with Quill, caring about Quill, and having _feelings_ through all of this, is difficult enough without being interrogated by stubbornly ignorant princes who mean well but never cease to frighten and infuriate her.

And belittle her.

God, he makes her feel small and stupid and like maybe she's got everything wrong.

Kalei can only get into her car and drive home, taking deep breaths and shutting out Charlie's voice as she goes.

* * *

With Sally on the phone to her brother and Dorothea Ames nowhere to be found (and thus probably in some secret board meeting), Kalei keeps to her classroom at lunchtime on Tuesday and gets started on marking yesterday's homework. It should be lonely, but she's always found comfort and a kind of company in numbers and the laws that surround them.

"Miss?"

Kalei looks up to see Tanya Adeola hovering in the doorway. "Tanya. How can I help you?"

"Can I hide out in here?" Tanya asks. "Charlie keeps trying to talk to me."

Well, if Charlie is making Tanya uncomfortable, Kalei knows a thing or two about that. How can she say no?

"Of course," Kalei says, and Tanya heaves a sigh of relief, shutting the door as she comes inside and sits herself at the front row desk that is right opposite Kalei's. "What happened there, Tanya? I was sure the two of you were friends. Well, all five of you: April and Ram and Matteusz. But now it seems that you're all just-"

"Fractured, yeah," Tanya mutters. "Or something."

"Except for Charlie and April. Is there any reason for that?"

Tanya shrugs. "I guess they were the only two who never ended up yelling at each other."

"Yelling at each other? When?"

"Thursday. We had detention and - and- things got kind of crazy. It wasn't our fault, we didn't _want_ to say any of that stuff-" Tanya shuts her mouth abruptly, holding in the accelerating words and rising emotion.

"What do you mean?"

"You wouldn't understand. Don't worry about it."

Kalei lets out a sceptical laugh. "Tanya, I'm romantically involved with an alien revolutionary turned slave and physics teacher, I'd say that being understanding and open-minded is a skill I possess."

Tanya stares at her with disbelief. "You _know_?!"

"We were attacked by a giant alien lizard and didn't talk for four days, after I found it disturbing, her shouting about how much she wanted to kill her ward," Kalei says, arching an eyebrow. "Naturally, when she turned up on my doorstep to apologise, I insisted on being told the truth."

"When was that?"

"Last Friday. After that business with the petals."

"And you're… all fine with it?" Tanya asks dubiously. "Dating an alien and working at a place with a bunghole of time running through it?"

"I'm sorry, a _what_?" Kalei asks, laughing.

"You know, the tear. We call it the bunghole." Tanya makes a sheepish face. "Or… I call it the bunghole, anyway. April would sometimes, too, but Charlie never really liked it when we called it that."

"Tanya, I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about."

"She didn't tell you about the tear?"

"No, what tear?"

Tanya sighs, rubbing her fingers over her mouth thoughtfully. "God, how do I - okay, so, this school, this whole place. It has, like, a tear in reality in the middle of it. A tear in space and time, where anything from anywhere in the universe or, I guess, any time period, can fall through it. Where do you think that giant alien lizard _came_ from?"

"I-" Kalei stops. "I don't know, I was just so caught up in Quill and her being an _alien slave_ , I guess I forgot about it. How could I be so dense?"

"Charlie thinks it's a human phenomenon that we forget things we'd rather not remember. Didn't that thing eat the economics teacher?"

"Oh, I'd forgotten that," Kalei says covering her mouth with horror. " _How_ could I forget, though? It was so awful."

"Human phenomenon," Tanya says before taking a bite of her sandwich. "It's a real thing. Plus: Quill's, like, really pretty. I bet you were, you know, distracted." She smirks at Kalei, who feels her cheeks burn, which makes Tanya laugh. "You guys are really cute. You know, she came to me and asked if there's a 'medical condition involving bizarre heart palpitations'?"

"Wait, what?"

Tanya laughs again and rests her chin in her hand as she grins at Kalei. "You were giving her butterflies, Miss. You were making her heart go all funny, and she was worried it might be a medical thing. I guess people from their planet didn't have that?"

Kalei imagines Quill's genuine concern and confusion over it all, and feels _her_ heart swell and pang until she's so overwhelmed that she feels tears in her eyes. Tanya looks at her with concern.

"Miss?"

"Sorry," Kalei says, a helpless laugh escaping her. "I just… I had no idea. And after everything that's - I really needed to hear that."

"Why? What's happened?" Tanya asks, frowning. "Where _is_ Quill? Why is the Headteacher taking our physics classes?"

Kalei hesitates. "She's - it's complicated, but basically-"

That's when the door swings open.

"Miss Jacobs? My secretary informed me that you expressed a wish to see me." Dorothea Ames is standing there, her frame as poised as ever. Her eyes, however, lack the usual warmth they tend to regard Kalei with.

"Oh, yes, I-" Kalei turns to Tanya, whose eyebrows are up. "Tanya, I'm sorry, could you give us-"

"Yep, I'm going, don't worry," Tanya says quickly, shoving her lunch into her bag and swinging it onto her shoulder in one surprisingly elegant movement. "Talk later, Miss." She nods deferentially to Dorothea on her way out.

Kalei swallows under Dorothea's calm, cool gaze.

"I'm a very busy woman, Miss Jacobs. If you have something to say to me, please find your words swiftly," Dorothea says.

"I think I offended you," Kalei says, instinctively reaching to play with the frame of her glasses. "And I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for that. It isn't my place to question what you believe in. I promise that I was only coming from a place of concern."

Dorothea eyes her for several moments, calculating. Then she softens some and Kalei lets out a breath of relief.

"I know, my dear," she says. "But some things are still… difficult for a person to hear and remain amiable about in that moment. Why don't you join me in my office for some tea? Or coffee, in your case. You can tell me how Quill is doing."

Kalei smiles. "That sounds wonderful. Though there really hasn't been any change, I'm afraid."

"All the same." Dorothea smiles and indicates for Kalei to follow her out the door. Kalei grabs her bag and follows her out, locking the door behind her so no adventurous students can poke around in the homework she's left on the desk.

It's strange, walking through the corridors at Dorothea's side. Dorothea is such a commanding presence in the most understated way, and the sea of students parts for them in a way Kalei could barely have imagined previously.

But then, Kalei's the one who walks amongst them with her nose in a book or her head down, apologising to anyone she bumps into. Dorothea would never have any kind of accidental collision with a student, let alone apologise for one.

Once inside the office, Dorothea makes a call to her secretary, asking for some tea and coffee to be brought in.

"How are you doing, my dear?" she asks, joining her on the loveseat.

"I've been better," Kalei says, "but I've just had a bit of encouraging news from Tanya."

"Oh?"

Kalei wonder whether to tell her. She wants to tell Sally, but the true appreciation of it comes from knowing the truth about Quill. The whole thing is so heady, so strange, and yet thrilling, and a part of her wants - no, needs - to share it with a friend, to be able to giggle about it like a teenager.

"Apparently," Kalei says, her mouth curling fondly, "Quill was asking Tanya if there was a medical condition involving bizarre heart palpitations."

Dorothea's eyebrows lift slightly. "Meaning?"

"Apparently, I was giving her butterflies," Kalei says, a little giddily. "She didn't know why her chest felt all funny."

Dorothea's hand covers her mouth as her eyes start shining. "Oh, how darling," she exclaims, smiling back at Kalei, affection in her voice as she clasps Kalei's hand. "I can only imagine how alarmed she must have been."

"I think feelings are alarming for her in general," Kalei laughs. "For new things, anyway."

Dorothea smiles at her. "The two of you really are very sweet."

Kalei smiles, feeling her cheeks flush, from pleasure as much as self-consciousness. "Thank you."

"I imagine this news is very welcome, what with things being how they are presently. A reassurance of sorts."

Kalei nods. She's past being surprised by anything Dorothea says. Her level of perceptiveness is more useful than anything else, once one is used to it.

"I won't pretend I haven't had a few doubts. Now I just feel silly, making myself unnecessarily upset like that," Kalei says, laughing through a tiny sheen of tears. They're not really happy tears, but they're certainly not sad ones - they're just a physical overflow of the relief and affection filling her chest to bursting. Oh, how she wants Quill to be awake so that she can kiss her stupid face and tell her that _she's_ been making Kalei's heart do absurd things on a near constant basis, almost from the moment they met.

A little embarrassed, Kalei mumbles an apology and ducks her head slightly to wipe at her eyes underneath her glasses. Dorothea gently takes Kalei's chin in her hand to tilt it upwards, so that their eyes meet.

"The current circumstances would give anyone pause, Kalei," Dorothea says gently, "but yes, I think your continued belief in her, despite whatever young Charlie is no doubt trying to tell you, does you credit. And is very much founded."

Kalei smiles brightly and hugs her. Dorothea lets out a tiny 'oh' of surprise, and it occurs to Kalei that maybe it's not entirely appropriate for her to be hugging her workplace superior like this. But then, Dorothea's hands come to rest gently on her back, as the older woman relaxes into the hug with a hesitance that reminds Kalei of Quill.

_I'm a little busy to maintain friendships outside of my work, actually._

Well, Kalei is technically inside her work, and she is so immensely grateful for Dorothea's reassurances. She would be so much more lost, so much more confused (and therefore upset), if Dorothea were anything less than she is.

"Thank you, for everything you've done, for both of us," Kalei says.

"You're most certainly welcome, Kalei-"

The office door opens and they let go of each other and turn to see Sally standing there, hand on the door handle as she stares at Kalei incredulously. Kalei withdraws her hands from where they had lingered on Dorothea's upper arms, shoving her hands between her knees sheepishly.

"Can we talk?" Sally all but demands.

"For future reference, Miss Liu, I don't take kindly to anybody breaching this office without doing me the courtesy of knocking first," Dorothea says to her mildly.

"My apologies," Sally says, deadpan, absolutely no atonement in her voice. "Kalei. Talk. Now."

That's when the secretary turns up behind her, bearing a tray holding a teapot, two mugs, and some biscuits. Dorothea lets out a sigh and politely dismisses the confused woman.

"Sorry," Kalei says to Dorothea as she gets up. "Thank you, again."

Kalei hurries to follow a still unimpressed Sally out of the room, letting herself be dragged through the corridors by her wrist until they're in Sally's classroom. Sally turns on her the moment the door is shut.

"Kalei, what the fuck are you doing?"

"I could say the same of you!" Kalei retorts. "Do you even have any idea how much Dorothea values manners? You just barged in there and didn't even offer a sincere apology! Are you insane?"

"I barged in there because I saw you two through the window!" Sally says, making Kalei frown at her with confusion. "Do you even know which member of the faculty you're dating?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I glance in the window as I go past, and I see her touching your face, you both smiling at each other, and you looking all emotional in a really weird, sappy way-"

"Yes! I'm emotional about Quill, I was telling her about it! She was being a good friend."

"Well, I was the one who could see her face, and she was _way_ too into that hug," Sally says, a hint of her mostly lost American Southern drawl coming through towards the end of the sentence.

"Oh for god's sake, it's Quill that she-" Kalei stops herself, shuts her eyes for a moment, and takes a deep breath. "Sally, I appreciate your concern, but what you just did was out of line."

" _I'm_ out of line?" Sally says, the Southern drawl coming back full force as she finally raises her voice. "She's getting all… _weird_ and _gay_ with you, and _I'm_ out of line here?"

"I told you, she was just being a good friend!"

"Well, I'm your friend, if you needed to talk to someone-"

"It was about something I only just found out, Sally, and for all I knew, you were still on the phone," Kalei says, lowering her voice in an attempt to stop the situation escalating. "Dorothea was just _there_. And I'm allowed to have more than one friend!"

"You do have other friends, though, just none that are still in Shoreditch, and I'm guessing the reason that I haven't heard you mention them in the last month is because you've been so caught up in your _exciting new romance_ that you haven't tried to see any of them!"

"Stop making it sound like I've been skipping through fields with some girl in a ballgown," Kalei snaps. "You have _no_ idea what I've been dealing with this last week, so don't you dare-"

"If I don't know, it's because you haven't told me!" Sally stares at her, aghast.

Kalei opens her mouth and shuts it again. Twice. "I - I _can't_ ," she says hopelessly, and winces at how pathetic it sounds.

"But you can tell Dorothea Ames," Sally says, a slither of ice entering her tone, as she crosses her arms.

"It's not _like_ that, Sally, she was just there, and she already knows about all of it, that's all!"

"So tell me!"

"I _can't_! You wouldn't believe me!"

Sally looks at Kalei with hurt shining in her eyes. "How can you even say that, Kalei? You're my best friend, of course I'd believe you. You can tell me anything."

Kalei wants to, so desperately that she almost can't breathe. "You wouldn't believe me," she says again.

Sally swallows, clenches her jaw, and leaves the room without another word, ignoring Kalei's protests and pleas for her to come back. Kalei stares after her, wanting to cry, because through all of this Sally was supposed to be a constant, a support she could always count on, even if Sally can't always understand.

Part of her thinks it is the opposite of what she _should_ be doing, but she needs a hug, and she needs it now. So she keeps her emotions mostly in check until she gets back to Dorothea's office.

She's barely managed to shut the door before she starts crying, and Dorothea crosses the room without a word and pulls her into the hug she so desperately needs.

* * *

"So, it turns out that despite knowing about _almost_ everything, you all neglected to mention the tear in reality that runs through our school," Kalei says to Charlie as she comes into the house that afternoon.

"What? Quill didn't tell you about that?"

Kalei lifts an eyebrow at him. "She's one of the most self-absorbed people I've ever met. Of course she didn't. I'm just more annoyed at myself that I never thought to ask where the giant alien lizard that attacked the two of us came from. I guess maybe I just thought that aliens tended to seek out other aliens, or something."

"Wait, giant alien lizard?"

"Yeah, I think Quill said that you lot had dealt with it on that Saturday, but it came back on the Monday. Quill blew it up, along with the chemistry lab."

"Oh. Yes, she did tell me about that. I just never realised you were involved."

"Unsurprising. It led to us not speaking for four days."

Charlie looks interested, and confused. "Why? Were you taking a while to come to terms with aliens being real? She's not the most tolerant of that sort of thing - wait, hang on, I remember that! Is _that_ why she was in such a bad mood that week? Because she'd fought with you?"

"Well, she almost died because the arn wouldn't let her defend herself or me, so I'd say her being angry about it was understandable."

"What?" Charlie asks, quietly. If Kalei isn't mistaken, he's turned a shade paler.

Kalei has to resist the urge to be smug, and instead she keeps calm, holding the moral high ground. "I was stuck under a beam, and Quill was trying to fight the lizard so that I had time to get out from underneath it. But of course, she couldn't," she says, coolly, "because the arn started punishing her - not that I knew the reason for why she was in so much pain that she ended up on her knees. She would have died if I hadn't pulled her out of the way."

"I see," Charlie says, swallowing and looking very uncomfortable. "Well, as I've said before, if she were at my side, that sort of thing wouldn't have happened."

"Charlie," Kalei says, voice flat, eyes accusing.

He ducks his head and takes a deep breath. When he looks back up at her, his eyes are vulnerable and apologetic, and Kalei finds herself too shocked to know what to say.

 _Did I just… get through to him_?

"I'll be upstairs if you need anything," the boy mumbles, and she lets him walk away.

Something that feels an awful lot like victory soars through her blood, and she runs to Quill's room and half jumps on the bed.

"Andy, I just got him to - I mean, he didn't _say_ anything, but the way he _looked_ at me, Andy," she says excitedly, beaming down at Quill as she clutches at her arm, "it's like he was realising, for the first time, that maybe at least some of the stuff with the arn is wrong. It's progress, we're making progress, oh, I wish you could have seen it-"

Kalei deflates when she realises she's rambling like an idiot about something miniscule to someone who almost definitely can't hear her. She swallows, lets herself fall from being up on her knees to being on her bum, and lets her hand trail over Quill's hip absently.

"One day, you'll see it," Kalei says, voice quiet. "Soon, I hope. We can do it together. Teach him that he's wrong, that he can do better."

She knows Quill would probably rather just hurt him, but if she can't until he's used the Cabinet of Souls, that will give Kalei time to work around it. Charlie has _so_ much capacity for good, she can see it, and that's what makes this all so difficult.

"Sally's angry with me," Kalei whispers. "She thinks I'm getting too friendly with Dorothea. Maybe you'd think so, too. But Dorothea's the reason you're alive and free. And she's been here for me through all of this, when I haven't been able to tell Sally."

 _I was forced to deliver the ultimatum,_ Dorothea had said. _I think my friendship with Quill is forever damaged because of it._

Well, too bad. Quill's just going to have to get over that.

* * *

Kalei gets to school early on Wednesday morning and waits outside Sally's classroom with a container of cupcakes she has spent most of last night making. Sally lifts her eyebrows upon seeing her.

"The apology cupcakes? Seriously?"

"Someone, whose opinion I value more than anyone but my parents', once said that they're a foolproof tactic," Kalei says with a hopeful smile.

Sally purses her lips, before sighing. "You'd better have chocolate in there."

"Chocolate orange, all of them," Kalei promises. "I'm a good best friend in most areas, you know. I've just been crap in a couple lately."

"Yeah, you have," Sally says, as she takes the container and they walk into the classroom. "And we've now reached the part where you actually apologise."

"I'm sorry." Kalei holds her gaze. "I'm sorry for not telling you stuff. But I swear it's because I can't. And if I go to Dorothea because of that, know that you'd always be my first choice if it were possible."

"But why can't you tell me?"

"Sally," Kalei says, reaching for her hand. "If you've ever trusted me at all, I need you to trust me now when I say that I can't, and that you honestly probably don't _want_ to know."

Sally stares at her for a long time, searching her face, before finally nodding. "Okay. If you really mean that, then okay. But you better not keep picking that scarlet weirdo over me."

Kalei can't help but giggle. She shakes her head and hugs Sally tightly. "I'll always pick you first, Sally. You're my number one, always."

"Good. I'd better be. Now, are you going to help me eat all these cupcakes?"

* * *

Kalei knocks on Dorothea's door at break time, but she is in too good a mood after making up with Sally to be bothered waiting for Dorothea to tell her to come in. She wants to share her happiness, even if it's with a small gesture.

"Morning!" Kalei says brightly as she opens the door and steps through it.

"Oh, Kalei, hello," Dorothea says with surprise, blinking at her. "I'm afraid I don't have time for social visits just at the moment, there's - what's that you're holding out to me?"

Kalei grins. "It's a cupcake. I made some for Sally to help smooth things over, and we've already eaten an exorbitant amount on our own. She suggested I bring the last one to you."

 _Let it not be said that I get all catty when you try and make new friends,_ Sally had said, with admirable, if reluctant, diplomacy.

"I-" For some reason, Dorothea looks absolutely bewildered. "A cupcake?"

"Consider it an extra thank you for everything you've been doing for me," Kalei says, as she steps further towards the desk. "It's chocolate orange flavour, hope that's alright."

Dorothea blinks. "I - er, yes, perfectly. Just… set it here, if you don't mind. I'll get to it at some point."

"Busy day?" Kalei asks sympathetically.

"The Governors have been busy, there's a lot to go through and an uncertain time pressure," Dorothea says with a tired smile, adjusting her glasses where they're sitting on her nose. "So while I certainly appreciate this little offering, I do need to get back to work, I'm afraid."

"You look worried."

"This school has a tear in space and time running through it; it can lend to distressing situations," Dorothea says tightly. "There's been a new development, which I need to run algorithms for immediately."

"Okay, I'll not bother you then," Kalei says, backing up. "But… are you still worried about the Governors?"

"My work ethic is unwavering, my belief pure, why would I be worried about the Governors?"

"I don't know. Why don't I believe you?" Kalei bites her lip when Dorothea's eyes flash with something impossible to identify. "Look, I don't want to upset you again. I just want you to remember what I said before. About having a contingency plan. That's not doubt, that's just practicality."

Dorothea regards her with those intelligent, focused eyes. "I need to get on with my work, Kalei. There's no need for you to concern yourself over this."

"Of course," Kalei says, ducking her head and heading for the door.

"Oh, and thank you," Dorothea says, making her turn and look back to see the other brunette giving her a hesitant smile. "For the cupcake. I'm sure it will be delicious."

"I'm always open to feedback," Kalei replies, making Dorothea laugh.

"I'll keep it in mind."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUILL IS BACK IN ACTION NEXT CHAPTER! Pros: Quillei reunion. Cons: dead parents incoming and general angst. The Adeolas and Singhs did not deserve any of this. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought!


	28. The War Begins Again, and Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill wakes up to a bizarre surprise, while those around her deal with the tragedy of the Shadowkin attacks. And finally, her girlfriend can tell her how much she missed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUILL IS BACK!! and finally now, the Quillei reunion, thank god.

Consciousness returns slowly for Quill. Everything is hazy, shadows and then shapes, as light filters in, and finally she can see the familiar landscape of her bedroom - despite not remembering for the life of her how she got here. She's not sure _what_ she remembers, actually. Her whole mind is a blur.

It takes about twenty seconds for her to glance down at her body, be alarmed, touch it to ensure that it's not a trick of her imagination, and start screaming.

She sits up, trying to breathe deeply and not panic, but that's a fairly difficult feat when _her stomach is freakishly huge,_ and she can't quite think straight. This is wrong, this doesn't make any _sense_ -

Two teenage boys appear in her doorway, alarm all over their faces.

"What the hell is this?" she asks them, pointing at her stomach.

"Is this-" Charlie lifts a shaking hand towards her, wincing. "Is this the part where your offspring eats you?"

"What-" She stops, thinks. Her mind is picking back up again, faster and faster now. He's right. "Oh crap, that is part of it, isn't it?" She stops again. Thinks about it, thinks about being on the bed, the fact that Charlie and Matteusz are wearing different clothes than she saw them in last. Time has passed. Difficult to say how much. "No, no, this is just the bit where we hibernate. Yeah, it's as the fetus moves to the… second womb."

She can't quite keep the disgust out of her voice. For a long time, she's been glad that it's only her exterior biology that was changed upon coming to this planet, for the most part, but now, despite knowing very little about human reproduction, she's starting to think it might be better than _this_.

Quill had never, ever, planned on being a mother. She had planned on dying for her cause, for her people. Going out in a blaze of glory as she won her people the freedom to live their lives in a new world.

She'd long since given up on that idea. On the idea of dying in any way that her people would consider traditional. And now, well. A small part of her is suddenly strangely receptive to the idea of dying in a way befitting a Quill. (She'd still rather, you know, _not,_ but if it really comes to that...)

Still, could be a lot worse, all things considered. She could be already dead. Or still a slave.

"How did this happen?" Matteusz asks. "How can you be _this_ pregnant?"

Quill has been wondering the same thing. "It's got to be that cabinet. And I-" _Had sex with Ballon. That would do it._ She remembers realising her hair had grown, but how she hadn't noticed anything else. Her mind had been hazy even then - the hibernation almost instantly trying to kick in, perhaps? "Oh god, I didn't even notice," she says, looking down at her stomach again.

Strangely, her panic is subsiding as quickly as it had arrived. She's alive. She's alive and free. Who cares about the rest of it? She'll deal with the pregnancy later, when the Shadowkin are dead. She has to be still alive in a world where they are dead before anything else begins to matter.

"I'm sorry, _what_ about the Cabinet?" Charlie asks, frowning at her.

"No, no, Prince, the time for your questions is over," Quill tells him, leaning forward. "Where. Is. My. Gun?"

"What are you planning on doing with it?" Charlie's voice is uncertain, the fear rolling off him in waves. It's more satisfying than Quill could ever dream. For him to finally be afraid of her. Rightfully so.

"What do you think?" She smiles. "You will use the Cabinet of Souls on our enemies… and then I will use that gun on mine."

He swallows. Oh yes, he knows how much she is going to enjoy killing him. How she is going to make him beg for mercy, make him apologise for all he ever did to her -

That's when Matteusz's phone goes off. When he pulls it out to check it, his face drains of colour. "Oh my god," he says softly, hand covering his mouth with horror. "April. Oh no, no."

Charlie looks at the screen, and his expression shifts to something almost identical. Without another word, the two of them run from the room. Apparently Quill is no longer their most pressing issue for the moment - something she can't felt but feel rather disgruntled about, given that ten seconds ago she practically had the prince crapping his pants.

"No, no, wait!" she calls after them, getting up to pursue. "Where's my gun-"

Her head swims, and she falls back onto the bed. For a moment she is annoyed, but she takes some more deep breaths and draws on her logic.

"No, it's okay," she says to herself, because saying it aloud is somehow more reassuring. "It's okay. Dizziness is normal after hibernation." She closes her eyes, takes another breath. "You are Quill."

Quill, and free. Her hand comes to her face, just to check, and she smiles softly as she feels the scar underneath her hand. It's healed some, not as sensitive to the touch, but it's still there. It's still comforting.

She can do this. She can now, physically, do this.

"And the war begins again," she breathes, smiling wider. "Today."

It takes a little while before she can get off the bed without getting too dizzy, but when she can she goes about finding an outfit that will still fit her. There are several options, thankfully, and she selects the sleeveless black dress that is longer in the back, with some simple leggings underneath. The dress drapes over her belly quite nicely.

With that done, it's time to fix her hair. She likes it short, and sharp. Not all long and limp around her shoulders.

She finds some scissors, sits down, and starts chopping. She has no real experience with hair in general, given it's something she acquired only several months ago, but she has a good eye for this sort of thing, and she knows her way around anything sharp.

Sure enough, she's able to make a half decent job of it. But that's when she feels the baby kick and her hand goes to her stomach automatically as she gasps. It isn't painful, exactly, just strange.

Wait.

Baby. Singular. She knows instantly that there's only the one in there, can feel it move.

"Just one?" she asks, confused as her hands explore, to be sure. "No, no, no, no, Quills have whole _litters_ of-" She stops, and decides it doesn't matter, even if a part of her is disappointed. She had been starting to like the idea of having her own little army as her last legacy. "Nevermind. I will take you into battle. I will take you to the very end of this world."

And if this world is still standing by the time this is all done, then there will be one more Quill left in the universe.

She isn't alone anymore. It's a strange feeling to adjust to, and not the same as if another adult Quill had appeared from nowhere, but it does wonders for that inherent loneliness that has been festering inside her for months.

Before she can linger on that thought, though, the doorbell buzzes.

Quill lets out a growl of annoyance. She does _not_ have time for humans and their nonsense right now. She marches to the door, shouting that it better not be another referendum.

When she opens the door, though, she sees Tanya Adeola, standing there with tears in her eyes.

Oh god. Crying. Quill is not remotely equipped for crying. And yet, Tanya is pushing past her and into the kitchen before Quill can say anything, moving to sit in one of the dining chairs while Quill follows her into the room.

"So is this, this thing with April then?" Quill asks, barely half interested but feeling that if Tanya is crying about it, she should at least _try_ to make an effort. "Has a pony hurt its leg somewhere, or-"

"He killed her!" Tanya says, with a sob.

Wait. What? Quill had been heading towards the kitchen, thinking about making coffee, but now she moves back towards Tanya, coming to stand in front of her.

"Who killed who?" Quill asks her, intently. When Tanya doesn't immediately reply, she tries again. "Who's-" Tanya lapses back into tears and presses her head against Quill's stomach as she cries hopelessly.

To say that Quill is less than thrilled about this development would be an understatement. She's not remotely comfortable with providing comfort in any form, especially physical. What is she supposed to do with a teenager crying into her stomach?

Quill tries to think about what she would have wanted when she lost those she cared about. Slowly, and uncertainly, she finds herself relaxing a little, and her hands coming to rest the top of Tanya's back and shoulders.

She can make out some words about _Shadowkin_ and _Corakinus_ and Tanya's mother. That explains a lot. Quill feels sympathy for her - she and this girl aren't so different, now. Or at least, they now have one very important thing in common.

After a while, Tanya's sobs falter, and the girl leans back to stare at Quill's stomach with belated realisation.

"Are you… pregnant?" She asks incredulously.

"Oh," Quill says as she makes a face and awkwardly taps her fingers against her belly. "Yeah."

"Have I gone crazy?" Tanya asks. "Am I going to wake up in bed and these past few months are going to be a dream?"

Quill stares at her. "Does that _actually_ happen to your species?" She's seen it in movies several times. It's a truly bizarre phenomenon.

"My mum is dead," Tanya cries, "my brothers aren't answering. They're supposed to be in the school library, but I'm too afraid to check, because what if they-what if-"

"I don't know," Quill says, reluctantly, surprised to realise that she wishes she knew how to help. She takes a moment to regret the loss of Vivian Adeola, whom she had found herself rather liking at the parent's evening. "I've been, er-"

Asleep. For… well, Quill actually has no idea how long she's been asleep for. Days at the very least, probably. She should probably find out exactly how long.

"Where are the others?" Quill asks.

Tanya doesn't seem to be listening. "The Cabinet," she says instead.

"What?"

Tanya looks up at her with a steel in her gaze that Quill knows all too well. "I want to use the Cabinet."

Quill lifts an eyebrow, considers this for several moments, and decides, when the girl doesn't falter or look away, that she is, in fact, serious. Interesting. This might be something Quill can work with.

"Follow me," Quill says. Tanya does, and they stop by Quill's bedroom so she can grab the jacket she had been thinking about putting on before Tanya arrived. "Now, what day is it?"

"Sorry, what?"

"What day is it?"

"Wednesday."

"Which Wednesday? I need to know how long I was asleep for," Quill says, sharply. "Six days? Thirteen? Twenty?"

"Six, I guess. It's been six days since you put us in detention," Tanya answers. "You've been _asleep_?"

Six days. Six days is quite a long time. What has Kalei been doing for these six days? In Kalei time, six days is more like three weeks. Does she know about Quill being alive? Does she know about the pregnancy? Would that have involved her going up against Charlie in order to get to see her, if he had moved her to her room from the beginning?

It's impossible to know. And while Quill wants to find out, the matter of the Shadowkin is considerably more pressing if they've found a way back to Earth and are killing parents. If Kalei's waited six days, she can wait a while longer.

Quill realises Tanya is still expecting her to answer.

"Hibernation," she says, shrugging. "It's part of the pregnancy."

Tanya eyes her stomach dubiously. "Yeah, about that. What in the actual hell happened there? How can you be this pregnant in six days?"

"It was a time acceleration thing, don't worry about it."

"But _whose_ is it?!" Tanya stops when Quill turns an unimpressed look on her. "Wait. Was it - was it Miss Jacobs? Is that why she got so into the bathroom thing a while back-"

"What?" Quill asks, blankly. "No, it's not Kalei's. And what in the world would that have to do with bathrooms?"

Tanya stares at her for a moment. "Nevermind. So if it's not Miss Jacob's, then whose is it?" She frowns at Quill, looking rather affronted. "And what the hell were you doing having sex with someone that isn't your girlfriend?"

"Oh no, we are not having a conversation about my sex life, Tanya Adeola, this is not a thing that will be happening," Quill says as she heads for the stairs up to Charlie's room. "It's absolutely none of your business, and you're underage."

"Fine, but you're officially the worst girlfriend ever."

"Do me a favour and stop using that word."

They come into the bedroom, and all thought of Kalei disappears as Quill makes a beeline for the Cabinet of Souls. Tanya follows in her wake, and they end up standing there in a companionable silence. There's something about the Cabinet. An aura of power, of life. Of death. It can transfix a person.

"Can we use it?" Tanya eventually asks.

"No, it has to be Charles," Quill says bitterly. "And he won't."

"But he said he wanted to."

Quill looks at her with curiosity. "Did he?" How interesting. So the prince isn't quite as pure as he'd have everyone believe. Still, it means little in the long run. "Yeah, well, saying and doing are two very different things."

There's a pause.

"Can we _make_ him?" Tanya asks.

Quill turns to look at her slowly, impressed. Tanya really doesn't seem to be screwing around. She actually, truly, wants to use the Cabinet of Souls to avenge her mother's death.

That's when Tanya's phone starts ringing. The girl pulls it out and frowns when she sees the caller ID.

"It's Charlie," she says, blocking the call and putting the phone down.

Quill takes a step towards her. Her whole body is itching for a fight, now that she's regained her balance and adjusted to her new physicality. She hasn't been able to fight properly, for herself, since the arn went in. Now that it's out, she needs it more than anything.

"Shall we go and see exactly how much damage I can do without that thing in my head?" Quill asks Tanya, a slow grin spreading her lips. "There's some princes I'd really like to start punching."

Tanya stares at her. "Are you offering to help me?"

"That depends," Quill says simply. "Are you offering to help me?"

Tanya considers this for a moment, and then gives a decisive nod, her eyes solemn and determined. Quill nods back and claps her on the shoulder.

"Good. In that case, grab that thing and bring it downstairs. Usually I'd take care of it, but under the circumstances..." Quill gestures to her belly.

"Yeah, don't worry, I've got it."

It takes Tanya a while to manage it, since the Cabinet is apparently rather heavy. Quill has an easy solution to that, though. Carrier bags with wheels are so helpful.

"So, is this why Miss Jacobs has been acting so weird this week? Because you've been all asleep and pregnant?" Tanya asks, as they start walking to the school.

"I don't know," Quill says, honestly. "How has she been acting?"

"I dunno. Sad. Emotional. Seems to be kind of bezzie mates with the new Headmistress now, but it's hard to tell 'cause Miss Jacobs is so nice to almost _everyone_."

"With the new Headmistress?" Quill looks at her sharply. That doesn't sound good at all. Dorothea Ames is a snake who Kalei should not be getting anywhere near. She can still see her infuriating face as she had delivered her ultimatum, still hear her zealous voice as she had tried to urge them to fight each other.

Also: _not that having a pretty thing like her in need of... comforting... would be the_ worst _thing I could imagine -_

Quill grits her teeth. No, she wants Kalei safe and well away from Dorothea Ames.

Tanya gives her a funny look. "Somehow, I really don't think that's the biggest issue here. I know if _my_ girlfriend randomly ended up pregnant and hibernating for six days, _I'd_ be freaking out. How much does she know about all this anyway? She must know something, or she wouldn't have been acting so weird."

"I have absolutely no idea," Quill says mildly. "Hibernating, remember? Right now, so long as she's safe, I don't actually care. The Shadowkin are our first priority."

"But, I mean, don't you want to see her? Make sure she's alright? Make sure she knows _you're_ alright?"

"Yes, but I'd prefer for her to be safe, and it sounds like any time she spends around me is all it might take for the Shadowkin to realise they have another person they can use to threaten our little group. I'd rather avoid that."

"Well, with any luck she might have gone home already," Tanya says. "But today is when they run a bunch of study groups in the library, and she usually helps with those."

"I suppose we'll see."

They finally get to the school, and Quill casts her eyes around as they head inside. A few students are milling about despite school having ended a good couple of hours ago, but not too many.

They've only made it halfway across the foyer, when Quill spots a familiar figure on the opposite side and comes to a standstill. The figure has likewise stopped to stare at her.

"Kalei," Quill says, feeling her heart lurch.

It never occurred to Quill that after everything that had happened, the argument and the text and everything with the arn and losing Ballon and collapsing and all the crazy shit going on today, it would feel so wonderful to see Kalei again.

It feels like it's been years, as much as it feels like mere hours.

"Quill," Kalei says, eyes wide.

And then they're running towards each other.

* * *

 

It had all been going so normally. Kalei had finished up at the help sessions in the library, grabbed her things, then headed for the exit with the intention of driving to Quill's and checking up on her.

But, instead, just as she comes into the entrance foyer, she sees an unmistakeable figure standing there (along with Tanya Adeola, for some reason). Quill, in all her usual finery, pregnant stomach and all, but her hair back to normal.

"Quill," Kalei breathes. She can't quite believe her own eyes. But sure enough, Quill is staring back at her, a near identical expression on her face.

Kalei runs to her, and Quill moves quickly to close the gap too, until Quill's hands are holding Kalei's face, and she's kissing her breathless. Their being in the middle of the school seems entirely inconsequential now. Kalei kisses Quill back eagerly, feeling warmth flood her body and fill every part of her that had felt empty while Quill had been absent.

When they eventually stop for oxygen, they take a few moments to just stare at each other, while Kalei in particular has trouble catching her breath.

"You're awake," Kalei says softly.

"Obviously," Quill says, confused.

"I've been visiting you every day, or every night. Charlie wasn't too happy at first, but he got used to it."

"Oh." Quill looks vaguely surprised, perhaps by the level of dedication.

"I missed you," Kalei whispers. "I missed you so much."

"Sorry. Turns out fucking a shapeshifter, in a place that has the mystical power to give your body a temporal kick forward, can have consequences." Quill glances down at her stomach. "Weird consequences involving six day hibernation."

Kalei can't help but wince, yet there's something about the way Quill had said it all so frankly that makes Kalei want to laugh. She really _is_ an alien.

"Oh my god, you're literally the worst girlfriend ever," Tanya groans into her hand.

"Ah," Quill says, taking in Kalei's face. "Right. Automatic monogamous structures in your culture. I've sort of cocked that one up, haven't I?"

Kalei can't help but laugh hopelessly. "A little. But it's okay. I don't care about that."

"Really?" Quill and Tanya say in unison, equally perplexed.

"Okay, maybe I care a little," Kalei admits with a sheepish look. "I'm hardly thrilled about it, but we never actually had that talk, so you… didn't technically do anything wrong. And anyway…"

"Anyway what?" Quill asks, frowning.

Kalei smiles at her softly. "You're alive," she says, reaching out to touch her face. "We thought you were going to die, but you're alive. And you're free. I'll deal with the rest of it later."

Her fingers trace the line of Quill's scar, and Quill's eyes flutter shut. For good measure, Kalei leans up to kiss the scar.

"Quill," Tanya says, her voice tight. "You know normally interrupting you guys is the last thing I'd want to do, but my brothers-"

"Right, the impending Shadowkin threat," Quill says, turning to look at Tanya. There's a change in her posture - taller, more determined, calm in a way that feels dangerous.

For the first time, Kalei is fairly sure she's seeing Andra'ath. Andra'ath is back.

"Wait. Shadowkin?" Kalei ask, frowning at them.

"Go home, Kalei," Quill tells her.

"Like hell I'm going home! I am _done_ waiting for you-"

"Kalei," Quill says, holding her face to force her to meet her eyes, which are dead serious. "They'll target anyone they think is a strategic advantage. The fact that you're still alive implies they haven't worked out there's a connection between us, and I'd like to keep it that way."

"I'm not scared-"

"Yeah, well, neither was my mum, and that didn't stop them from murdering her right in front of me," Tanya says, voice hard and hollow.

"Wait, _what_?!"

"Did you see my brothers in the library, Miss? Are they okay?"

"I think I did see them, yes," Kalei says, frowning at her. "But what's-"

"Kalei, look at me. I already had to bury someone what feels like only hours ago," Quill says.

Kalei tears her gaze from Tanya back to Quill. "Ballon."

"Yeah," Quill says, looking at her with surprise, but apparently deciding not to question it. "And if the Shadowkin got to you, I wouldn't even be able to do that. There'd be nothing left of you."

Kalei swallows. "I just - I don't want to leave you when it feels like I only just got you back."

"I'll come and find you after," Quill says. Her lip curls. "No more surprise hibernations this time."

"Okay," Kalei says, laughing a little.

Quill nudges her nose, and Kalei nuzzles her back, basking in the moment. Quill lets out a small sigh.

"Okay, I need to go," she says, letting go of Kalei and stepping towards Tanya. "Go home and stay safe, Kalei."

With that, Quill and Tanya walk off in the direction of the library. Kalei watches them go, wanting nothing more than to run after them. To take Quill's hand in hers and not let go.

Instead, Kalei turns around and walks out of the school. She feels like walking home, as opposed to driving, and she starts off. It should be a nice walk, but she keeps hearing Tanya's voice in her head.

_That didn't stop them from murdering her right in front of me._

"Miss!"

Kalei turns around to see Sophia running up behind her, skidding to a halt and catching her breath.

"I forgot to ask back in the library, but Mum said something about me maybe getting a tutor? For physics or maths or both," Sophia says. "She really wants me to follow up on it."

"What?" Kalei says, blinking at her. "Look, Sophia, this isn't really the best time. And I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, I think it was Miss Quill's idea," Sophia says, shrugging. "So that's fine."

Quill making a reasonable suggestion about improving a child's education? Kalei can't help but cock an eyebrow at that. Maybe it had been an accident.

"When's she coming back?" Sophia asks. "I thought I saw her in the library for a second, but then I realised that whoever they were, they were pregnant, so it had to be someone else."

Kalei nearly snorts. "Um. Soon. Ish. Hopefully? I don't think she quite knows yet, something rather urgent came up for her."

"Is she okay?"

"I think so," Kalei says honestly, giving her a small smile.

She's about to say something else, when she recognises a figure ahead of them along the footpath, heading their way with a purpose in their step.

"April," Kalei says.

"I can't really talk now, Miss," April says distractedly, about to keep walking before she stops and looks back at Kalei with a clearer gaze. "Wait, Miss Quill, is she-" Her gaze darts to Sophia. "Um. Is she… back?"

"Yes, I've seen her," Kalei says slowly. "She's helping Tanya. With her brothers." She doesn't want to say 'at the school' when Sophia is listening, but she does manage to glance back in the direction of the school with what she hopes is enough meaning for April to catch on.

To her relief, April nods, a determination flashing in her eyes until it wavers a little. "Wait, she's with _Tanya_? Why would she help Tanya?"

"I… I suppose now they want the same thing," Kalei says, having not given it much thought until now, and biting her lip as the words come out.

April swallows. "Yeah, Ram too."

"Should I… go?" Sophia asks awkwardly, not quite looking April in the eye. "I feel like I'm in the way of something."

"No, not at all," Kalei assures her, before looking back at April. "If you're going into all of that, please be careful."

April's expression is solemn. "I know what I'm doing." With that, she walks away, leaving a concerned Kalei and confused Sophia behind her.

"What was all that about?" Sophia asks, frowning.

"You're better off not knowing," Kalei says with a sigh. "It's weird and complicated, and you have more than enough things to worry about as it is."

Sophia's frown stays for a few more moments, then the girl shrugs. "Okay. If you say so, Miss."

They walk in comfortable silence, until they reach the next corner.

"This is me," Sophia says. "See you tomorrow, Miss. I hope all the weird stuff works out okay."

"Me too. You have a good night, Sophia."

Kalei continues walking alone, at a slow pace brought on by her reluctance to walk in the opposite direction to Quill and the kids. Eventually, she stops walking altogether. She doesn't go back, because the sensible part of her knows that she will only be a hindrance in a fight against alien warriors like the Shadowkin. But walking away? She can't do that either.

She's stuck.

It's hard to know how long she stands there, deliberating, unable to decide. Minutes, certainly. But how many?

She's almost managed to convince herself to just _go home_ when she glances down and notices her shadow. Her extremely large, swelling shadow.

"Oh, that can't be good," Kalei says. She doesn't know enough about the Shadowkin to know exactly what it means, but her gut says that it's not good.

She stays very still, trying to recall every piece of information Quill had ever given her about the Shadowkin. Before she can come up with anything solid, a dark figure emerges from her shadow, solidifying in front of her.

_So this is a Shadowkin_ , the Ravenclaw-leaning part of her brain thinks with fascination. _Yep, I can definitely believe that these things are capable of invasion and genocide. Which makes one standing a few feet away from me more than a little alarming._

The more Gryffindor part of her brain is busy screaming at her to run while the Ravenclaw part points out that running will do her no good if this creature is attached to her shadow.

By the time she's reached these conclusions, she realises something. The Shadowkin hasn't made any move to attack her.

It's just staring her down.

And it's actually… somehow rather underwhelming? The way Quill had talked about these things, she'd made them sound fierce and awful. This one, despite looking a little like it's made of molten rock, just seems… cold. Empty. She almost feels sorry for it, before she realises that there is every chance this thing will kill her with only a moment's warning.

Oh god. This thing might be about to kill her. There is a very strong chance that this thing will kill her.

Kalei tears her gaze from the Shadowkin's face and digs in her bag for her phone. It's not the easiest feat, because her whole body is shaking as a result of her realisation. She finally gets the phone out out, then she taps in her mother's number, with the automatic ease of having done it so many times before making it quicker than just finding her in the contacts.

" _Hello?"_

"Mum," Kalei says, with relief. She's staring back at the Shadowkin now. It still hasn't moved an inch, but the longer she holds its gaze, the more frantically her heart pounds against her ribcage with bruising force.

" _This is a nice surprise! Let me guess, you're bored standing in line at the checkout again,"_ Chanita chuckles.

Kalei bites her lip and forces out a tiny laugh. "Uh, yeah. You got me. But I did also just want to hear your voice. You know, because you're my mum, and I love you and _ubaba_ so much."

" _Aw. It's nice to hear your voice too. Have you had a good week, honey? I'm thinking maybe it's not going so good if you're feeling like you have to call me up and get sappy. Not that I don't like it, mind you. I do."_

"Uh," Kalei says, thinking that it's been one of the most emotionally trying weeks of her entire life and being torn between laughing and crying. "I've had better. But things are taking a turn now, I think."

The Shadowkin is still watching her. She is still staring it back down. Her body is still trembling for fear of losing her life. But her mother's voice is an anchor that keeps her mind clear enough to think.

" _That's the spirit. Things always turn out okay in the end. How's that physics teacher?"_

"Um, she's… she's good, I think. This week's been a bit weird, but I'm feeling a bit better about things now."

" _Good. You were very happy last week. I want to see more of that."_

"I'm usually pretty happy, Mum."

" _I know, but_ very _happy is even better."_

"Well, I can't argue with that."

" _Are you alright, Kal? You sound funny. Not good funny, the kind of funny that makes your mother worry."_

"I'm always alright, you know that," Kalei says, swallowing. "How's _ubaba_?"

" _Your father is still going on about this folk group nonsense. Why they can't all just sit down and sing and forget about all the rest of it, I've no idea."_

She launches into a story from two days before, telling it with great gusto. Kalei does her best to listen, but her nerves have reached a state where she's starting to imagine the Shadowkin's limbs moving even though they're not.

" _And then, he said-_ "

Kalei never finds out what had been said, because all at once there are bursts of light shooting through the air all around her, coming from the direction of Coal Hill. One of them targets the Shadowkin attached to Kalei's shadow, and she watches it disintegrate before her eyes in a flare of light.

Kalei lets out a shuddering gasp of relief, the ability to breathe properly returning to her. She's alive. She's not going to get killed by a Shadowkin, not today, though just what had happened she isn't quite sure -

_Oh. The Cabinet of Souls._ So she won't be getting killed by a Shadowkin at all. Ever.

"Mum, I have to go," Kalei says. "I'm sorry, I'll call you back later, promise!"

She hangs up before she can get her mother's reply and starts running back towards the school. If the Cabinet of Souls is being used, then that means the Shadowkin will all be gone. That means everyone is safe. Tanya and Quill and April and all of the others.

It's a hard one to know how to feel about it all, the knowledge that a genocide has just been committed, when Kalei knows that it was a genocide of an awful species who had committed genocide many times over. It feels wrong, but it also means that a huge threat has just been overcome.

Ultimately, the thought that lingers the most is: _now Quill really_ is _free._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *drum roll* and we're now more or less out of canon and into free reign, starting with... emotional trauma and hopefully realistic working through it! 
> 
> Oh, and there might be one little canon change left. ;)


	29. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Shadowkin are dead. But that doesn't mean that things are okay. In fact, it feels like things might never quite be okay again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend reading my little April and Clara threeshot (To Learn To Be Brave) before reading this chapter, if you haven't already, just for a bit of the emotional context with Kalei and April and Clara. It's not necessary, though, just recommended.

The streams of light - the souls, Kalei realises, a little late - are gone by the time Kalei gets back to Coal Hill. She hurries through the more or less deserted school, trying to work out where Quill and the others would have made their stand.

Finally, she comes to the auditorium, and sure enough there they all are. Except -

"She's gone!" Ram is screaming at Charlie, who is next to a kneeling and _very much alive_ Quill. "She's gone!"

The two seconds of relief Kalei gets from seeing Quill alive disappears when she sees April's still form on the floor next to Ram.

"No," Kalei whispers. "No-" She runs to the girl, falling onto her knees. "No, not you too, not you, April-" She's thrown back to the day of Clara Oswald's funeral, where she'd given a very out of sorts April a ride home. _Maybe it just isn't possible for people who are good and strong to last,_ April had said, _not in a world like this._

Kalei had told her that they had to believe it was possible, that they could carry on Clara Oswald's legacy of being kind and good and strong. It had been a moment that had left something between them, a kind of kinship. Moments of standing up for each other in maths class, little discussions outside of it sometimes.

Not as much recently. Kalei is ashamed to realise that she's been so caught up in everything Quill-related lately that she clearly couldn't even notice when nearly half a dozen of her students were fighting aliens or were aliens themselves!

And now, April, good and sweet and brave April… is lying lifeless in front of her.

"We were supposed to be in this together," Kalei whispers. "We were supposed to make her proud-"

But then, April had been sharing a heart with the King of the Shadowkin, hadn't she? And the last thing she'd said to Kalei was _I know what I'm doing_. Maybe she had been making Clara Oswald proud. Maybe she did as she had said she nearly did on prom night, and sacrificed herself.

"She's really gone, isn't she?" Ram asks her, tears in his eyes just as she can feel several pricking at her own.

Before Kalei can reply, however, April jolts upward with a great gasp, clutching at Ram automatically for support.

"April!" several people in the room exclaim.

"Ram," she says, looking at him, and smiles a little. "Wait, Charlie, Corakinus-" She twists to see Charlie clambering to his feet, running over to her and dropping to his knees alongside Ram and Kalei so that he can pull April into his arms and hug her fiercely.

"I'm sorry," Charlie whispers into her hair, over and over again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"The Shadowkin-"

"They're gone. They're all gone. And so are my people." Charlie pulls away just enough to look at her with wonder. "But you - I don't understand, how are you alive?"

"That soul, the one that should have hit you, it flew towards Ram," Tanya says. She and Matteusz and Quill have made their way over to the group on the floor. "Could that be it?"

"The souls, their actions are based on intent," Matteusz says, looking at Ram. "Your intent would have been to save April. If you caught it-"

"I don't know! I just sort of, grabbed it, and then it was gone!"

Charlie stares at him with shock. "You. You're the hero."

Ram frowns at him. "You what?"

"There was supposed to be a hero, someone who used the souls in the Cabinet to resurrect those who had fallen," Charlie says, swallowing. Kalei wonders about the tears staining his eyes and cheeks and what put them there. "I thought - I thought it might be me, but it was _you_. You brought April back."

"I thought the souls were to be brought back in the bodies of those being destroyed?" Matteusz glances at Corakinus' body. "Shouldn't April perhaps be...a Shadowkin, now?"

"She had Shadowkin blood running through her veins, a heart phasing in and out," Quill says, frowning. "Seems like it could have gone either way."

"Well, thank god it went the way it did," April says with relief. She looks at Kalei. "Miss Jacobs. Where did you come from?"

"Yes, I distinctly remember telling you to go home," Quill says sharply, but when Kalei looks up at her there's a smile on the corner of her lips.

Kalei rolls her eyes, then looks back at April. "Please don't try and embody Clara Oswald too much anytime soon, it's not good for my heart."

"Sorry," April says, and then her eyes light up as her hand flies to her chest. "My heart! It's back, it's _mine_ again!"

Ram takes the chance to pull her into a crushing hug, and then they're kissing desperately, much to Kalei's surprise. She hadn't even realised they were a couple. But now that she thinks about it, it explains a few things. 

"Well, maybe not _completely_ mine," April whispers, when they finally break apart, and Ram laughs at her.

"Sorry, and you say I'm the cheesy one?"

Kalei smiles at how relieved and happy they both are, and she finds herself looking at Quill again, whose eyes are already on her. Quill stretches out a hand to help her up, and Kalei takes it.

"Hey," Kalei says quietly, smiling at her.

"I _definitely_ specifically recall telling you to stay where it was safe," Quill tells her, arching an eyebrow. "But now that I think about it, you've never been particularly good at taking my suggestions to heart."

"I mean, no one was safe, we all had Shadowkin in our shadows," Tanya points out.

Kalei nods. "Exactly." She bites her lip. "So, no arn, no Shadowkin. What now?" All the teenagers are watching them now, all of them but Tanya tense. It occurs to Kalei that they have every reason to be wary of Quill's actions and intent going forward.

"Oh, I can think of a few things," Quill says with a grin, and she uses the hand that isn't still grasping her gun to pull Kalei in by her blouse and kiss her thoroughly.

"Wait, _what_?!" Ram exclaims.

"When did this happen?" Matteusz asks, with just as much confusion.

"It's been happening for weeks, you're all just too thick to notice," Tanya tells them all smugly. "As if Quill would ever need to use Tinder when Miss Jacobs was obviously super keen on her."

"... I just found out more about my teacher's sex lives than I ever needed to know," Ram groans, making April laugh at him. "Wait, hang on, why is Quill _pregnant_?! What the hell have I been missing here? How can she be pregnant _and_ have a girlfriend?"

The chatter makes it too difficult to enjoy the kiss, so Kalei and Quill break apart to look at them all with raised eyebrows.

"Wait, is Miss Jacobs the - the other parent?" Matteusz asks, frowning.

"No," Kalei says at the same time Quill, Tanya, April, and Charlie do. They all share amused looks, while Kalei can't help but laugh.

"I was sure to verify that," Charlie says, despite having been fairly quiet since his revelation about Ram.

"Same," April and Tanya said, only to laugh.

"Are you all high or something?" Ram asks, confused. "Miss Jacobs can't have knocked Quill up, she's a chick! Did you all fail biology and not tell me?"

Kalei, at this point, is torn between being almost disappointed at his viewpoint and utterly relieved that _someone_ isn't assuming she's the one behind the pregnancy. She has to hold in a bizarre, helpless laugh. 

"Yeah, but some girls have dicks, Ram, it's _so far_ from the most ridiculous thing that would have happened this month," Tanya says, rolling her eyes.

"Okay, sure, whatever," Ram replies, "but how is she _that_ pregnant? And who was she shagging if she's shagging Miss Jacobs too? None of this makes any sense."

" _She_ is still in the room, Ram, in case you'd forgotten," Quill tells him sharply. "And for the record, it's absolutely no business of anyone's, except perhaps Kalei's."

"And there was a time acceleration, of a sort," Charlie adds.

Before Kalei can find a way to turn the conversation away from Quill's pregnancy, a topic which is making her considerably more uncomfortable by the second, an adequate distraction presents itself in the form of Dorothea Ames.

Specifically, Dorothea Ames materialising in the centre of the auditorium in a flash of light.

"Okay, seriously, what the hell have I been missing?" Ram asks. "Since when does our headteacher-"

"Miss MacLean," Dorothea says as her gaze falls on April, and she offers a tight smile. "What a lovely surprise to see you alive and well."

"Uh, thanks," April says.

"Dorothea, are you alright?" Kalei asks, alarmed as she takes in the fact that the Headmistress is visibly shaken and looks close to tears.

Before anyone can say anything further, a distant explosion booms and shakes the whole building around them. Exclamations of shock and surprise are let out by various members of the group. 

"What the hell was that?" Quill narrows her eyes at Dorothea. "Headmistress?"

Dorothea swallows and lifts her chin. "Not to alarm anyone, but I may have just blown up the Board of Governors," she says mildly, her voice trembling. "I apologise for any inconvenience this may cause in the near future."

"You _blew up_ the Governors?" Quill asks with disbelief.

"It was your girlfriend's idea, actually."

Kalei bristles when Quill turns an incredulous look on her. "I wouldn't go that far! I didn't say anything about blowing anybody up."

"Then what _would_ you say?"

"That I-" Kalei gets distracted by the fact that Dorothea's whole body is shaking. "Dorothea, are you okay? You look like you're about to pass out."

"Well, my entire spiritual worldview has just been shattered, so I've certainly been better," Dorothea says stiffly, as she starts to head for the doors of the auditorium. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd prefer to deal with this existential crisis in private."

With that, she hurries out, and Kalei is sure she spots tears in her eyes.

Once she's gone, the mood of the room has shifted. The rush of victory is gone, and now Tanya is quiet and biting her lip, a deep devastation in her eyes. Ram, meanwhile, is saying something to April about his dad, and having to tell his mum. Charlie is utterly silent, just staring ahead blankly like some kind of empty shell. Matteusz is staring at Charlie, like he's a treasured possession that was just smashed before his eyes.

Quill is the only one who isn't somehow affected by melancholy. But even her expression is solemn.

"Alright then, April- you get Ram home or to his mother," Quill commands, the authority of a general in her voice. "Tanya, put the cabinet back in the carry bag. Matteusz, get Charles on his feet. He's gone into shock, and he's not in any shape to be doing anything."

April and Ram get to their feet.

"We'll talk soon," April promises the others, and Ram nods slightly before letting April tug him out of the room.

Kalei is surprised at how much her heart pangs at the utter brokenness on Charlie's face when she turns to look at him.

"What happened?" Kalei asks Quill, voice no louder than a whisper.

"He thought he would bring his people back, by using the Cabinet," Quill replies, just as quiet. "He was wrong. And now all the souls of his people are gone forever. He really is the last Rhodia. Just as I am the last Quill."

"Oh," Kalei says. "Oh, the poor thing."

She doesn't really mean to say it, but once she realises that she has, she expects Quill to be scornful. To her surprise, Quill's jaw simply tenses. Charlie doesn't seem able to hear them. He's just leaning into Matteusz's chest, his eyes now closed as tears continue to roll down his cheeks.

"So, I still don't think I know everything," Kalei says. "The Shadowkin killed Tanya's mother, and Charlie is mourning the souls of his people, but Ram-"

"Ram's father was killed too, I believe."

"Oh god. That poor boy."

"I need to find my brothers," Tanya says, rolling the empty cabinet along in its carry bag as she rejoins them.

"Yes," Quill says, frowning. She glances at Kalei. "What do you think? Split up and rejoin forces later?" The reluctance in her voice is obvious.

"Rejoin forces?" Kalei says, laughing. "I'm your girlfriend, not one of your officers, Andy."

"So?" Quill asks.

Kalei shakes her head. "Nevermind. It's a good idea. But who-"

"I somehow doubt the prince will find my presence comforting," Quill says. "I'll accompany Tanya and meet you all back at the house."

"Just try and stop too many people from seeing that you're pregnant," Kalei says to Quill as they make their way back through the school in the direction of the car park.

"Does it matter?"

"It's seriously weird, so yes, it does. It's simple strategic planning - a bit of caution now will save us a lot of bother later. Trust me," Kalei says.

Quill considers this and nods. "Alright, then."

Tanya has her phone to her ear. "Damon!" she exclaims with relief. "Thank god you're both okay. Yeah, I'm fine, I'm on my way home now, where are you guys? What do you mean, you're at home? I told you to get out, to get away - urgh, nevermind, I'll see you soon."

She is smiling as she hangs up, but it soon fades and tears fill her eyes.

"How can I just go home?" Tanya whispers. "It'll be home, but it won't be because she won't be there. How can I tell Damon and Jarvis what happened? How can I tell them that Mum was-" She can't finish the sentence.

Quill gives Kalei a look that plainly says _help, I don't know how to deal with this_ , but what surprises Kalei about it is how sincere it seems to be, how Quill seems to _want_ to help but just doesn't know how. She's never seen Quill this concerned with anyone else's emotions before, except perhaps her own.

Kalei bites her lip. "I'm sorry, Tanya, but I don't have an easy answer for you. All I can say is that while you might be about as far from okay as it's possible to be right now, and feel like you'll never be okay again, one day you will be."

Tanya launches herself into Kalei's arms, sobbing into her shoulder while Kalei strokes her back and hair.

"I know," Kalei murmurs. "I know."

Over Tanya's shoulder, she sees Quill watching them, eyes solemn. She gives Kalei a small nod of what must be approval, then ushers Matteusz and Charlie into the back of Kalei's car.

When Tanya finally lets go of Kalei, the maths teacher puts her hands on her shoulders.

"You can do this, Tanya."

Tanya swallows and nods slowly, and when she turns to look at Quill, there is a spark of strength in her. "So are you walking me home, then?"

"If that's what you need from me," Quill says.

Tanya's hardened look cracks a little, and the fourteen-year-old in her becomes visible again. "Yes, please."

"Very well. Come on then."

It takes a while for Kalei to realise what she's seeing, but once it clicks, it's obvious. Quill is a commander again, and Tanya is her soldier. Who, by all logic, she seems intent on protecting.

A part of Kalei is immensely relieved, the small part that has been worrying for six days that Quill without the arn might turn into some vengeful killing machine.

Once again, she feels stupid for ever doing Quill such an injustice, even in her head.

"Wait," she says, before they go, "I have a coat in my car, Quill. You should put it on."

"Why?"

"Because, like I say, the less people who see you wandering around Shoreditch obviously pregnant, the less problems we'll have later."

Quill shrugs, but allows Kalei to fetch the coat. When she puts it on, it doesn't remotely hide the pregnancy from anyone looking for it, but will hopefully obscure it a fair bit for any casual passersby.

"I'll meet you back at the house," Quill says to Kalei, who nods.

"If you need anything, Tanya, don't hesitate to come to me - or, uh, us, I guess," Kalei says to Tanya.

Tanya nods. "...thanks."

They head off down the street, and Kalei watches them go for a moment before getting into her car and looking back at the teenage boys in her back seat.

"Are you alright, Matteusz?" she asks.

He glances up at her for the briefest of moments. "I am not harmed."

"That's not quite what I asked."

"I know. I am more alright than Charlie, at least." He strokes some of Charlie's hair back from his forehead.

"He's practically catatonic. That's not saying much."

"I know."

The rest of the drive back is silent, and when they get to Quill's house, the door is unlocked, even though Matteusz had been halfway to finding his key when Kalei had discovered this.

They go inside and upstairs, and Matteusz takes off Charlie's jacket and shoes and coaxes him into bed and tucks him in. He murmurs something to him in Polish and kisses his forehead, seeming glad when Charlie snuggles into the covers with his eyes shut.

Matteusz returns to the doorway where Kalei is lingering, and the two of them head downstairs.

"You love him a lot," Kalei says, smiling.

He swallows, and is all at once in tears. "Yes," he says thickly. "But the things he has done, I don't know if I can-"

His composure, which Kalei suspects has been lasting much longer than the last twenty minutes, breaks down.

Next thing she knows, she's on her tiptoes trying to hug a tall, crying Polish boy. It's a little strange because she and Matteusz have always been friendly in class but never remotely close outside of it, but it seems she's just the one for dispensing hugs today. And the more she thinks about it, the more she realises that she and Matteusz have a lot in common.

"I understand," she says. "Quill has done some awful things, too. But even she mostly did those for what she thought were the right reasons."

"That doesn't make it okay."

"I know. And that's why it's hard."

When they pull away, they automatically head for the kitchen, and Matteusz moves to make coffee in what must be some kind of ingrained ritual. They stand in silence as he does so, the only words exchanged between them an enquiry about how she wants her coffee. It's a relief when he finally passes her a mug some minutes later, and she can take a long drink from it and feel the warmth and familiar flavour calm her.

"Is okay?" Matteusz asks.

She smiles. "It's lovely, thank you."

He nods, pleased, and they stand in the kitchen with their coffees, instead of moving to sit at the dining table.

"I mean, what Charlie did, he had to do it, didn't he? The Shadowkin had to be stopped," Kalei says, and Matteusz just looks at her hopelessly. "I'm not telling you, I'm _asking_ you, Matteusz. I haven't been involved in any of this before now; all I know is what Quill or Tanya or Dorothea have told me, and half the time, I seem to be missing crucial things they've managed to leave out."

"They did have to be stopped," Matteusz says quietly. "But _genocide_. How can that ever be the right choice?"

"Sometimes there aren't any right choices," Kalei replies. "But that doesn't mean that the choice still doesn't have to be made."

"He destroyed their whole planet as well, I think."

Kalei doesn't know what to say to that. It's not something she can even really visualise. She bites her lip and looks at the floor, folding her arms around herself.

"I'm sorry, Matteusz. This isn't maths class - I don't have all the answers. I'm just trying to figure this mess out, just like you." She sighs. "I don't know what I'm doing. What I just said about choices might have sounded profound and it might even be true, but I think I heard it on a TV show. It's not any kind of deep wisdom from inside me."

"You are lost," Matteusz says. "Like all of us."

"Yes, I think I might be."

"Are you ever afraid of her? Miss Quill."

"I don't know," Kalei says honestly, eyes still on the floor. "There was one time - a time where we fought, where she was saying all of these awful things and I didn't know _why_ -" She swallows. "I think, yes, I am, sometimes. Or I'm afraid of what she might do now, not to me but to others, like Charlie. Afraid of what I don't know about her, afraid that my instincts are wrong-"

"She is complicated person," Matteusz says, with understanding in his eyes when she glances up to meet them. "I have lived with her for weeks now. I know this."

"But she's not a _bad_ person."

"Are you sure?" There is no accusation in his voice, just worry. He's asking because he wants to know. Wants to believe her.

Kalei bites her lip. "I - I don't know. I suppose I only have what my gut tells me. Which is that she isn't. And that I'm safe with her. But I don't know if anyone else is. She isn't human; I don't know what to expect now that she's free to do whatever she wants."

"Charlie has told me of how she killed many people. I was never worried, because until now she could not hurt anyone, but now-"

"She killed in war, and in protest," Kalei says, voice quiet. "I'm not saying I condone it, and I'm sure that Charlie's bias will have at least partly influenced you, but all the reasons she had for doing what she did no longer exist. So that's why I have to believe that she isn't going to hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it."

"Do you think Charlie deserves it?" Matteusz's eyes are guarded, his voice minuscule but unwavering.

It is hard for Kalei to not look away. "I think that Quill believes he does. And that I understand why she believes that. He did treat her awfully."

"This I know, this I would see, every day," Matteusz says, surprising her. "But that does not mean he deserves to be killed, when he did not choose their connection any more than she did."

"No," Kalei agrees. "I think Charlie has been hurt enough for the moment, poor thing."

Matteusz's face shifts to a kind of revelation. "Perhaps that is why she saved him," he murmurs.

"What?"

"Quill. She saved Charlie, back at the school," Matteusz explains. "Just before you arrived, the last soul - the one that saved April - tried to burn out the shadow in him. Quill pulled him out of its path."

"But if it was intending to get Charlie, why and how did it end up with Ram, and resurrecting April?"

Matteusz shrugs. "Sometimes, these space things do not make sense. Or not to us, at least."

Kalei nods. They briefly fall into a silence, and Kalei thinks about all the things that don't make sense at the moment. Quill's pregnancy lingers foremost in her mind, and something occurs to her. 

"Was there an actual battle? With the Shadowkin? Before Charlie used the Cabinet?"

"Yes, Quill and Tanya fought the Shadowkin while Charlie performed the ceremony," Matteusz says slowly. "Why?"

"She's pregnant, she shouldn't be fighting anyone," Kalei says, lump in her throat. "She could have gotten hurt. The - the _baby_ could have gotten hurt."

Matteusz stares at her with a mix of amazement and confusion.

"What?" she asks self-consciously.

"Miss Quill was not faithful to you. That cannot be easy. And yet, you are standing by her. Worrying about her baby."

"I have a gut feeling that she doesn't have a monogamous mindset," Kalei says. "I think - I'm hoping - that her choosing to sleep with that shapeshifter has absolutely no bearing on her relationship with me-"

"And you'd, of course, be absolutely correct," Quill says from the doorway, making them both jump. "What the hell would that have to do with you?"

"Humans, usually we stay faithful to the person we care about," Matteusz says to her, frowning. "Rhodians too, Charlie said."

"Well, I'm neither human nor Rhodian. Quill know that it's perfectly possible to care about multiple people at once."

"So you still… want to be with me?" Kalei asks, her voice much quieter than she means it to be.

"Of course," Quill says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world, as she steps further into the room and leans against the pantry door. "You're the only person on this whole planet I actually like, remember?"

A large smile blooms on Kalei's face. "Yes, I recall Tanya telling me how I was making your heart go all funny?"

Quill scowls, her face actually _flushing_. "That was a private conversation, and I'm still not entirely sure what it _means_ -"

"It means you like me," Kalei says, stepping closer and grinning. "A lot. That's embarrassing."

"Does it really?" Quill says with interest. "Huh. Maybe it is embarrassing, but how often have I made your heart do ridiculous things?"

Kalei stops and turns deep crimson. "That is… beside the point."

Quill laughs. It's strange, but also wonderful, to see the difference starting to show in her. No arn, no Shadowkin, just her and her freedom. Kalei can't wait to see more of it. More of Quill when she's happy. Truly, properly happy. Even better, if Kalei is part of the reason for that happiness. God, her heart is near bursting as she smiles at Quill. It's ridiculous. 

"I admit I was finding it hard to picture the two of you," Matteusz says, making them jump, having forgotten he was even there. "Together, that is. But now I think I am understanding better. You are very sweet."

"Thank you for that opinion we didn't ask for," Quill snaps. "Don't you have a boyfriend to be attending to?"

"I do not know. If I am - if I can do… this."

"Oh," Kalei and Quill say in unison.

Matteusz clutches his mug, his eyes betraying his torn heart. "It's not that I don't want to, I do, I love him more than my heart can stand, but this-"

"He killed a whole species," Quill says, tone unreadable.

"Exactly."

"But you love him." He nods at Kalei's words, and she glances at Quill and then back at him. "I think, sometimes, you have to start there and work out the rest as you go."

Matteusz holds her gaze for a moment, the indecision still in his eyes, but then his shoulders slump a little and he nods again.

"If you do not need anything more, I think I will go and be with him now."

Kalei nods, and after a moment so does Quill. He gives them a half-hearted smile, then leaves the kitchen.

Kalei barely has time to turn around and look at Quill, before she is being kissed, deeply and earnestly in a way that has Kalei sighing against her mouth with a kind of relief.

She's missed this.

Except, then her hands reach for Quill's waist and instead bump her stomach, and it's like a bucket of cold water being dumped over her head. Reality hits her hard and has her recoiling from Quill's touch. Kalei crosses her arms over her chest as she steps back, and Quill looks rather hurt, but only for a moment.

"Oh. Yeah. It's weird, isn't it?" she says, looking down at her stomach, her hands coming to rest on it.

"I feel like weird is an understatement here," Kalei replies. "I'm sorry, but I just-"

"You don't have anything to apologise for." Quill frowns. "For the record, I'm not going to apologise for what I did either, though. I don't believe any of my actions warrant that, even if they do go against your cultural norm."

"Okay," Kalei says slowly. "I wasn't really expecting you to."

Quill pauses. "I will, however, apologise for the fact that my actions and their… consequences… seem to have caused you emotional distress, amongst other things. It was never my intention."

Kalei has no idea what to say. It's been possible to ignore all of this before now, the pregnancy and all of what comes with it, because she'd been worried about Quill and then the Shadowkin and then the kids. Now, though? Now there's no running from it anymore.

"I'm going to need more coffee. And maybe some vodka."

"Oh, also, probably worth mentioning that I've blown up the old community centre so that the Adeolas and the Singhs have an excuse for why the dead parents don't have bodies."

"... definitely vodka. Jesus Christ, Quill."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pft, as if I could actually kill Dorothea. I love my darling weirdo lesbian too much. But also, I don't want to deal with the super shady Governors and Weeping Angels hanging over this story verse with me having no clue what to do with them, so Dorothea surviving actually serves that purpose too. 
> 
> And now everyone is adequately emotionally traumatised. Ironically, Quill comes out of this fairly alright, compared to the rest of the episodes. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!! :)


	30. Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kisses, cuddling, one of the world's most bizarre conversations, and drunk Kalei.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter should be angstier than it is, really. But idk, these two are weird. As it is, it's mostly cute.

It doesn't quite hit Kalei until both of the glasses of vodka are being poured that there is something immediately wrong with this picture.

"Wait, Quill, _you_ can't have any!" she says, alarmed.

Quill stares at her like she's gone mad. "Why not?"

"It'll harm the baby!"

"Rubbish."

Quill reaches for one of the glasses, and Kalei is forced to take drastic action. Drastic action here meaning snatching the glass before Quill can touch it, downing the vodka in one gulp ("Hey!"), and then doing the same with the other glass ("Hey!"). Plus, taking the bottle out of her reach for good measure (" _Seriously_?!").

"No alcohol for the baby," Kalei says, with a firm point of her index finger as she clutches the vodka bottle to her chest with her other hand, swallowing hard and feeling a bit sick from the double shot.

Quill impatiently whacks the pointed hand away, making Kalei gasp from pain, because it's the hand in the splint.

"Ow," Kalei says, bringing the hand back to her chest.

Quill frowns at her. "What do you mean, _ow_? I barely touched you."

"Yes, but my wrist is sprained. Why do you think I've got it in a splint? Did you think it was a fashion accessory?"

"I honestly hadn't given it any thought, it's been a bit of a busy day," Quill says dryly. Then the frown deepens. "Hold on a minute: you're injured?"

"Yes."

Quill's expression becomes thunderous. "Who did that to you? I'll fight them, I'll hunt them down and string them up by their own intestines, I can now, all you have to do is give me a name and preferably an address-"

"You'll have to fight _me_ then!" Kalei tells her, rolling her eyes.

"Wait, what?" Quill's confused expression is as unfortunately adorable as ever, which is unhelpful for Kalei's already muddled feelings on everything Quill related. "What do you mean?"

"I injured myself because I'm a clumsy idiot," Kalei says. "No one hurt me."

"Oh. Okay. That was stupid of you."

"No kidding. Come on, my feet are killing me, and your bed is comfy," Kalei says, heading out of the kitchen and kicking off her shoes the moment she gets to Quill's room. She climbs onto the bed and curls up on the side she had occupied while Quill had been sleeping.

"You know, all the times I imagined having you in my room, it was fairly different to this," Quill says wryly, as she lingers in the doorway for a moment.

"And whose fault is that?" Kalei mutters without really meaning to, taking another sip of vodka.

Quill arches an eyebrow, and Kalei feels bad.

"Sorry."

Quill shuts the door behind her, gingerly places her gun on her dresser, and moves to sit next to Kalei on the bed. She makes a half hearted reach for the vodka only for Kalei to hold it out of the way.

"It's weird being in here with you when you're awake."

"What?" Quill blinks. "Oh, right, you said how you visited me when I was hibernating. That can't have been very interesting for you. Actually, no, Charles… how did you get him to let you inside the house? I can't imagine him being thrilled about you wanting to see me."

"It was… an interesting confrontation," Kalei says mildly. "I didn't really give him much of a choice. I've said a lot of things over the last six days he hasn't liked."

"Really?" Quill looks impressed and vaguely turned on. "Like what?"

"You know, stuff about slavery and self-righteousness and all that sort of thing." Kalei takes another sip of vodka and sighs. "I don't know. It was weird. But I'd rather not talk about Charlie right now, not with how… how he is, at the moment."

"No, we probably should stick to the problem at hand, for now," Quill agrees. "So, to clarify, you're not upset about me having sex with someone else?"

Kalei winces, just a little, and has some more vodka. "I'm not happy about it, but we never agreed on monogamy, so I have no right to be angry."

"Having no right to be angry isn't the same as not being angry or upset. So, are you?"

"I'm not angry," Kalei says honestly. "Upset, maybe, but even then, not with _you_ , not really. Because you didn't do anything wrong. I guess I'm just - I'm just wondering _why_."

It hasn't really occurred to her until now, to ask that question. Maybe she was too afraid of the answer, maybe every other mad part of this had distracted her from it. But now she's said it, and she is _definitely_ wary of what Quill is going to say.

"Why what?" Quill asks. "Why did I have sex with him?"

Kalei bites her lip, and then nods.

"It was a celebration, mostly," Quill says, shrugging. "We'd just gotten the arn out of my head, it was a victory in battle for all intents and purposes. Sex has always been a form of celebration among my people."

"So it was just sex? Dorothea said something about you finding an… intense companionship with each other-"

Quill's lip curls into a sneer. "Oh, well if _Dorothea_ said so, then it must be true."

" _Quill_ ," Kalei says with frustration, staring at her and trying to convey how much she needs these answers, how close she is to losing her fragile calm. "Not now, alright? Dorothea is a whole different conversation. Please can we just… stick to Ballon?"

Quill sighs, and goes quiet. Kalei regards her carefully, taking in the melancholy blue eyes, the way her hand strokes across her stomach more thoughtfully.

"It wasn't just sex. I don't know what it was, other than… familiar," Quill says eventually. She turns her head back towards Kalei to meet her eyes. "He was a soldier, like me. I hadn't realised how much I missed that. He understood me in a second, without trying - because we were the same."

That stings a little, the idea that in a second, Ballon had known Quill in a way Kalei can't. Kalei has been trying so hard not to compare herself to him or vice versa, knowing virtually nothing about him, but Quill is making it difficult.

Kalei takes another, larger gulp of the vodka, and makes a face as it burns her throat.

"You're upset."

"Well, apparently since I'm not a soldier, I'll never really understand you." Kalei says, and she can't help the hurt and bitterness that creeps into her voice. Her head is starting to feel lighter. The alcohol is kicking in.

"That's not what I said, Kalei," Quill says sharply. "I said he understood me without any effort on his part. And yeah, alright, the same can't be said for you, but you know what that means?"

Kalei stares at her, absolutely no idea what she is going to say but dreading it all the same.

"It means you've been _trying_ , since the day we met," Quill says. "Despite every reason to give up, you've never stopped _trying_ to understand me, even when our differences have made it difficult. That kind of… dedication, that's not something I take lightly. It's a kind of loyalty. And I value loyalty above all else."

"...oh," Kalei murmurs, all at once feeling idiotic and petty.

"Try not to compare yourself to him. You're two vastly different people. He was, in some ways, the person who saved me, and I wanted to save him too, even if I ultimately failed. But then, in a lot of ways… you already _had_ saved me. As much as was possible for you to do."

"Andy," Kalei whispers, taken aback.

Quill's gaze is steady. "You made me feel like I was worth something, after months of nothing but being told the opposite. Regardless of what might happen in the future, that's not something I'll ever forget."

Kalei leans over to kiss her, grasping her face as she desperately presses their lips together, her heart lurching a moment before her body follows. Quill kisses her back, hard, letting out a little moan against her mouth.

It's wonderful - until Kalei becomes aware of something wet trickling down her front. Ah yes. That would be the vodka she had forgotten she had been holding. Whoops.

"Shit," Kalei says, leaning back and grabbing the bottle before it can spill any further. She gets up to put the bottle on the dresser and looks down at the soaked front of her dress with dismay.

"Well done," Quill says sarcastically.

"Okay, I'm raiding your wardrobe." Kalei unzips her dress and steps out of it before pulling off her tights for good measure. She finds some leggings and a plain navy tank top and starts pulling them on. Quill is watching her intently. "What?"

"Just enjoying the view," Quill says with a smirk.

Kalei flushes and rolls her eyes, yanking the tank top over her head to cover her bra. The top, thankfully, is stretchy, since Kalei isn't as obscenely skinny as (pre-pregnancy) Quill.

Once dry and satisfied, and after discarding her glasses on the dresser next to Quill's gun, Kalei climbs back onto the bed and lets Quill pull her into another kiss. God, she's missed kissing Quill. Missed the way Quill bites her lip and cradles her face in her hands, long fingers sliding into her hair.

When they stop to breathe, Quill nudges Kalei's nose and Kalei smiles as she pulls away.

"I really missed you," Kalei says, sitting back on her heels.

"I'd say I missed you too, but honestly the timeframe of my absence is so completely fucked that it's not the easiest claim to make," Quill replies, frowning.

"Plus you were distracted by a hot fellow soldier," Kalei jokes. She's also surprised at herself, but she finds that the hurt is quickly fading. "Or, I don't know, I'm assuming he was hot. Maybe that's shallow of me."

Quill snorts. "Depends on if you're into scars, I suppose."

Kalei reaches out to touch the scar over Quill's eye, making it shut briefly. "I think I'm definitely coming around to them," she says wryly.

"Yeah?" Quill catches her hand.

"It's kind of hot."

Quill grins. "Excellent." She tries to pull Kalei into another kiss again, but the moment her hands slip underneath Kalei's shirt, the maths teacher can't pull away fast enough.

"Woah, don't get any ideas, there," Kalei warns.

"Why not? You've gone six days without sex, haven't you?"

"Quill. I'm an open minded person," Kalei says slowly, torn between amused disbelief and vague revulsion. "But I'm not having sex with you while you're heavily pregnant with someone else's child. I literally can't think of a bigger turn off."

"...oh." Quill looks disappointed. "I suppose that's fair."

Kalei can't help the laugh that escapes her. It's just so absurd, and yet so completely Quill, that she had thought that it would still be a plausible turn of events. She bends down to Quill kiss again, briefly.

"What am I going to do with you, you ridiculous alien?" Kalei asks, far too fondly.

"Apparently, wait very patiently until I'm no longer pregnant and the thought of having sex with me doesn't disgust you. Or are _you_ going to go and find someone else to have sex with?"

Kalei lifts an eyebrow. "I'll wait. But you'll be the first to know if that plan changes."

"Sounds fair."

Kalei lies back down, taking in a deep breath and enjoying her all too welcome mood lift, bizarre as it might be. Well, the alcohol is probably helping too.

"...tell me about Ballon," she says, turning on her side to face Quill, propping her chin up on her hand.

Quill lifts an eyebrow. "I thought I had."

"No, I mean… what he was like. As a person. If you don't mind telling me, that is. It's just… it seems like you really cared about him. So I'm curious."

"He was... abrasive," Quill says slowly. "Abrasive and frightened and brave. A fighter, to the last, against the wild arn, against his own devil - after a bit of convincing - and against my goddess. And against the captivity and living death he had been enduring for god knows how long."

"Living death?" Kalei asks, frowning.

"Being shapeshifters, his people considered being stuck in one form to be a fate worse than death," Quill explains. "They see the rest of us as pretty much already dead, for that same reason."

"Oh. Charming."

"He was coarse and aggressive and yet… there was something gentle about him too. His eyes, they-" She swallows. "They were kind. Always kind. One brown, one bright blue. His skin was dark, darker than yours by several shades. The right side of his face marred by a scar. It completed him, I think."

Kalei feels a lump in her throat. She doesn't quite know what to say. Namely because she truly has no idea how she feels hearing this, just that whatever it is seems to be consuming her chest and making her feel whatever it is powerfully.

"I think I can see why you liked him," she says eventually, with a tiny smile. "He sounds nice."

Quill purses her lips, eyes watering. "Yeah, I really did." She makes a face and hastily wipes at her eyes. "God, I'm sorry, the last thing either of us want is me crying over him."

"I'm not going to ask you to not feel perfectly natural emotions. He was important to you, and he died. Cry as much as you need."

"No, I shed enough tears over him when he died, that's more than enough for now, or ever," Quill says firmly.

"I'm sorry, for what happened to him. I wish you hadn't had to lose someone else," Kalei says, voice quiet. Quill looks at her with vague surprise.

"You wish he were still around?"

"I don't know," Kalei mumbles, frowning as she realises just how much her head is swimming from the amount of alcohol she's consumed. "I just… want you to be happy. It sounds like he would have made you happy."

Quill cups Kalei's face in her hands. " _You_ make me happy."

Kalei bursts into tears.

"Oh no," Quill says.

* * *

"Oh no."

Kalei starts laughing through her tears, while also crying harder, and that's how Quill ends up with a vaguely hysterical drunk girlfriend clinging to her side, head cushioned against her breasts, and occasionally tilting her head up for kisses. All in all, not the worst way this conversation could have gone, she has to admit.

The crying fades rather quickly, to be replaced by giggling. Kalei is drunk. Quill doesn't know if she's amused or jealous or both.

"I'm sorry," Kalei says. "I… didn't mean to drunk so much."

"It's fine. I've cried myself to sleep while drunk off vodka and watching cat videos, multiple times. I'm not about to make judgements."

Kalei tilts her head up to frown at her. It's a rather adorable frown, though Quill would never ever voice that thought aloud.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." Quill has her pride, but around Kalei it just seems to matter less. Around drunk Kalei, the amount of fucks she gives is almost completely negligible. (Not that she's known for giving a huge amount of fucks about anything, at any given time.)

Kalei erupts into giggles once again. "Your life makes me sad."

"Then why are you giggling?"

"I dunno. Alcohol. Bad decision making skills. Questionable taste in romantic partners that has seriously backfired on me. If I don't giggle about it, I'll probably just cry. And I've done… enough of that this week. Yikes."

Quill shakes her head. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Cuddle me. Give me more alcohol. Become magically unpregnant and have sex with me."

"Yes, no, and I can't."

"Unfair."

"I know," Quill says, chuckling a little as she strokes her hand over Kalei's hair. "I know."

"What are you even gonna do with a baby? You don't know what to do with a baby," Kalei mumbles. "You didn't think this through at all."

"I didn't _plan_ for the baby, Kalei."

"You had sex with a man! As far as my grandmother's concerned, that's asking for it!"

"Your grandmother is a homophobic moron, remember?"

"...oh yeah. Nevermind. Still, contraception is a thing, you know. And it must be a thing in outer space too, humans are too dumb to be the only ones who could've worked that one out."

"Actually, that bit was your fault. I'd been having so much sex with you that the possibility of sex leading to pregnancy just completely escaped my mind."

"That's dumb."

"Well, also I was really horny off my own freedom and that didn't do wonders for my higher brain functions."

"You're so weird," Kalei says despairingly. "This is so weird. How are we having this conversation?"

"Because I'm an alien who makes decisions that go against your general societal approach to relationships and you're a somewhat overly understanding human who apparently likes me too much to look for more suitable companionship. Which is embarrassing for you, really."

"Not really. Embarrassing is having to point out to the Headmistress all the surfaces in her office that we had sex on. While she _smiled_ at me. Which is so beyond weird, because she wants to be the one having sex with you, and yet she's bizarrely into our relationship and somehow always knows _everything_ -"

"Hang on, hang on, hang on. The Headmistress wants to have sex with me?"

"She has a massive thing for you. I can't really be mad because like….same."

Quill frowns. "Well, that's unfortunate for her, since the only fantasy I currently have in regards to her is beating her to death with a chair leg."

Kalei laughs into her neck and starts kissing it a moment later. "You're ridiculous."

" _You're_ ridiculous," Quill says, even as her arm tightens around her.

"Then we can be ridiculous together."

Kalei falls asleep not long after that, making Quill wonder about whether she's been getting enough sleep, since it's still fairly early evening, and then about whether a lack of sleep would possibly be partly Quill's fault.

How was Quill supposed to know there would be such consequences for such a spur of the moment decision?

Quill finds that having a sleepy, drunk Kalei cuddled into her is actually fairly comfortable, and she lets herself close her eyes and rest for the first time in far too long. (The hibernation doesn't count because it's weird and pregnancy related.)

Naturally, this is how Matteusz finds them when he pokes his head in a while later.

"Oh, sorry," he says, but there's a small smile on his face. "I was just going to go to the shops - there is no food in the house. Charlie is no good at this, it seems."

"No, I'm the one that buys everything, or you, this isn't news," Quill says, frowning at him.

"Is there anything specific you are wanting?"

"Chocolate. Lots of chocolate. And whatever you use to make pancakes, she might feel better if she makes those, or if one of us - and by us I mean you - were to make some. And make sure our coffee stock-"

"There is enough coffee in this house, still, to last through a zombie apocalypse, Miss Quill. It will be okay."

"I don't have time for a zombie apocalypse right now. There's a cute maths teacher asleep on me." _Although, now that he mentions it, chainsaws are now a distinct and appealing possibility -_

"Is very cute," Matteusz says with a grin.

"Alright, a _very_ cute maths teacher," Quill corrects, rolling her eyes and making Matteusz laugh.

"I was meaning you. Both of you. But that works too."

"Oh," Quill says with a frown. She's not sure how she feels about being called cute, even if it's a description she's sharing.

"...I will go and get chocolate now."

Matteusz leaves and shuts the door behind him. Quill, still exhausted, leans back into Kalei and lets herself fall back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought! :)


	31. From Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalei makes a questionable decision that backfires. Quill has to deal with Charlie's completely shattered faith in his people.

Kalei wakes up to find herself snuggled up against Quill on her bed, daylight streaming through the window.

"I - what - did I fall asleep?" she asks groggily.

"We both did," Quill says with amusement. "But yes, I was only following your lead."

"What time is it?"

"A bit past seven o'clock. We have plenty of time to get to school."

"We?" Kalei stares at her. "Quill, _you_ can't go anywhere. There's absolutely no plausible way we can explain how you're this pregnant."

"Oh. Yeah, fair point."

"I mean, you must be-" Kalei swallows. " _due_ , soon. As in, soon enough that you could plausibly just more or less stay inside the house until then, and then tell everyone that the baby is adopted."

"Baby," Quill repeats, vaguely awed. "Yeah. Alright. That's a sound strategy. Although we're going to have to take measures to ensure I don't completely die of boredom stuck here - hang on. Does this mean I don't have to teach until then?"

The eagerness in her voice makes Kalei laugh.

"Yes, it does."

"Okay, the weird pregnancy is worth it, just for a few weeks reprieve from the snot-nosed brats," Quill says with a relieved sigh. "Even the somewhat likely death after giving birth might be worth _that_."

For a a few seconds, Kalei just stares straight ahead, her brain taking several moments to process the sentence and be sure it had done so correctly.

"I'm sorry," Kalei says, voice very carefully measured. "What did you just say?"

Quill pauses, an odd look crossing her face that's rather… sheepish. "Oh. Yeah. Quill mothers traditionally die after giving birth." Kalei opens her mouth to say something, or shout something, or possibly just make an incomprehensible noise of utter disbelief, but Quill notices this and hurries to add, "But it's worth noting that this baby is only half Quill, and Quill normally have whole litters of babies, so this isn't exactly a normal pregnancy by any means."

"But you have absolutely no way of knowing if that means you'll survive," Kalei says, slowly.

"Well, no."

"How could you not _mention_ this? All our talk about babies last night, and _now_ you're saying it might kill you!?"

"I don't know! It's just a _thing_! It's normal for me, I didn't really think about it, did I? The way you were talking made me forget about it! And besides, the eating of the mother is only traditional and there will be no one pressuring it to do so, so the baby isn't really directly involved in my potential death-"

"The _eating_ of the mother?" Kalei pushes away from her, sitting up to stare at her with horror. "How are you so calm about this? This is… a serious fucking problem! We need to find a way to make sure none of this happens. You only just got free, you can't die in childbirth, that would be ridiculous-"

"Kalei, calm down," Quill says, frowning. "It's just death. And like I said, it's not a normal Quill pregnancy. Besides, I'm going to call the Doctor and get him to see if he can help at all."

"The doctor? What doctor? You can't ask a human about this-"

"No, _the_ Doctor. The alien. The one who brought Charles and I here, the one who saved us. I have his phone number, he came once when I called, I imagine he'll come for this."

"You never said anything about any doctor. You just said you had help, and I never really thought to ask because I was pretty distracted by the whole _slavery_ thing."

"Ah. Well, there's this guy called the Doctor, and he ponces about in a spaceship that's bigger on the inside, and saves a lot of people, but also has a rather irritating sense of moral superiority, even though he's very clearly done some violent shit in his life-"

"Quill. Without being rude, I don't care about this Doctor guy except how he might be able to help you."

Quill shrugs. "Well, he has a lot of tech on his ship. Some of it might be able to help. Or he could take me to a hospital that isn't on a backwater planet with an archaic grasp of medical science."

"Okay, we're calling him, as soon as possible."

"Not just yet, we aren't. He's going to be pissed about the whole genocide thing, and I just don't want to deal with that yet. And I doubt Charles needs that either. Give it a few days for… the dust to settle."

"...fine."

"Are you angry with me?" Quill asks curiously.

"I don't know," Kalei says, feeling exhausted despite the numerous hours of sleep she has had. "It's just one insane, terrifying thing after the next with you. I think I _want_ to be angry, but like you say, you don't know these things. But you need to get it into your head that if something involves you getting hurt or dying, I want to know!"

"I'll try to keep that in mind," Quill says seriously.

There's something so absurd about it all, the fact that she has to say _any_ of this, that makes Kalei burst into laughter and fall back down next to Quill to snuggle into her.

"You're ridiculous."

They lie there for a long while, legs slightly entangled, feet brushing each other's. Kalei runs a toe up the sole of Quill's foot and the blonde starts, squirming and jerking her foot out of reach.

"What the hell was that?"

"Most people are ticklish there," Kalei says, smiling before her eyes widen. "Oh my god, Andy, are you ticklish?"

"I have no idea, and I don't think I want to know," Quill says defensively.

Kalei lifts an eyebrow, her curiosity rising within her. "Okay, I'm filing that away as something to investigate after the baby is born. This is important information. I need to know this."

"Is this like that time I was touching your ribs and you kept squirming?"

"Yes."

"That was...interesting." Quill eyes Kalei's stomach, which is partially exposed where the tank top has ridden up. The fingers of one of her hands make a beeline for it, only to be swatted away.

"Later," Kalei says firmly.

Quill sighs. "Fine."

Kalei leans her head against Quill's shoulder and breathes in deeply. "I don't want to get up. I don't want to leave."

"Call in sick. Stay with me."

"There was a Shadowkin attack yesterday, and the Board of Governors got blown up. I feel l should check that the school and students are alright."

"You and your moral priorities."

Kalei snorts and slowly pushes herself up, but bends to kiss Quill, before getting off the bed and stretching. A glance in the mirror reveals glorious bed hair, and she has to laugh at herself.

"You look good in my clothes," Quill says.

"Translation: these leggings are tight on me, and you're checking out my arse," Kalei laughs.

"I'm a simple creature at heart."

"I don't know if I'd go quite that far, but you have predictable priorities for sure. Now, can I use your shower?"

"Of course. Towels are on the shelf in the bathroom."

Kalei heads to the bathroom and has a quick shower that does wonders to wake her up, the hot water sliding over her skin and making her feel like things will, in the end, be okay and less completely insane.

She's just leaving the bathroom, towel wrapped around her body, when she bumps into a shirtless Matteusz.

"Oh, Miss Jacobs, sorry," he says, taking a step back. "I did not realise you were still here."

"I fell asleep last night," she says sheepishly.

He grins. "I know, I just expected you to wake up and go home."

"Quill makes for a comfy pillow," Kalei replies. "How's Charlie?"

His face falls, the light-heartedness of him melting away into the sorrow that breaks her heart and makes her want to hug him again. "I think it would be best if he - and I - were not at school today."

Kalei nods. "I'll talk to the office for you, tell them that you're both sick."

"Thank you."

Kalei realises something and resists the urge to flush crimson, badly. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm still your teacher, and I would rather that this conversation continue when we're both dressed."

Matteusz seems to only for the first time notice that she's clad in only a towel - a _short_ towel - and turns pink before turning his gaze to the ceiling.

"Apologies," he says. "I did not-"

"I know," Kalei says, giggling. _Bless him. He's so gay, the dear thing, the sight of a half naked woman didn't even catch his attention._

"I will go back upstairs now," he says, and turns to go, leaving Kalei to grin and return to Quill's room.

Once inside and having shut the door, Kalei says, "I'm borrowing a pair of your underwear," to Quill, who has grabbed a book in her absence. It's part of the _Outlander_ series, which Kalei recalls starting but never finishing because the later books had dragged.

Quill glances up from her book and smirks. "Alright then."

The smirk disappears when Kalei drops the towel, and Quill's eyes darken. It occurs to Kalei that being able to tease Quill for at least a week or two without letting her touch her could be great fun indeed.

Kalei gets an odd thrill out of going through Quill's underwear drawer, but has to laugh upon realising it's just a dozen or so pairs of exactly the same plain black underwear.

"You're such a soldier," she chuckles as she grabs a pair and pulls it on.

"Is that supposed to be an insult?"

"No."

Kalei puts on her bra from yesterday, then frowns at her discarded dress. "I… might need to borrow some of your clothes. Wait, except, what if people _realise_ they're yours?"

"Then I imagine they might come to the correct assumption that I've had you multiple ways on multiple occasions and have plans on doing so again," Quill replies smugly, turning the page of her book.

Kalei covers her face with her hand. "That is exactly why I _shouldn't_ do this. It's so obvious."

"I think you're severely overestimating how likely it is that anyone will even notice. And besides, when you all get clothes from stores, it's entirely possible that two people might have their own versions of the same piece of clothing. Simply point that out if anyone asks."

"That's true. I'm just not sure this is a good idea."

"Well, either stay and wear my clothes or go back to yours to get your own, but the latter will mean that we can't have pancakes together this morning."

Kalei bites her lip. "Okay, your clothes it is, then."

Unsurprisingly, Kalei is the one who makes the pancakes, while Quill sits at the table and browses local news sites on her phone to catch up on the week she's missed while hibernating. She also finds that the Shadowkin yesterday have been put down to hallucinogens in the water supply. Again.

There's the minor issue of when Quill gets annoyed with Kalei denying her coffee, not believing that it - like vodka - could be bad for her baby. Kalei has to resort to Google to win, and Quill sulks.

But she doesn't sulk for too long, and they eat pancakes and argue about the appropriate syrup to pancake ratio. Quill eats with her hands and drips syrup all over her mouth. Kalei gets up to lean over and clean her face with a napkin, before deciding to kiss her clean instead when Quill fusses.

Quill, unsurprisingly, is much more enthusiastic about this method.

* * *

It's in second period, during Kalei's fifth form maths class, that things go wrong.

She's wearing Quill's clothes. A black spotted shirt that on Quill had been rather flowy but is a bit tighter on her, plus a skirt that thankfully has an elastic waistband, and then her own heels from yesterday. She's gone with a nice bright pink lipstick to try and add a bit of colour to the look.

Why is Quill so against wearing _colours_?

She notices a few gazes lingering on her as she teaches, but does her best to ignore it. After all, she's probably never worn something so lacking in colour to school in her entire life, so that's probably the discussion point.

"Are you having trouble understanding one of the questions, Dana?" Kalei asks one of the three girls in the middle of the classroom having a hushed conversation.

"No, Miss, sorry," the girl says, with the decency to look at least vaguely apologetic. "We were just - it's funny, we're pretty sure Miss Quill has that exact same shirt."

"And skirt," someone else on the other side of the room says, before Kalei can laugh it off.

The second comment throws her. Most people could probably still have come up with some quick retort about shopping at the same store and how it's surprisingly easy to end up with the same items of clothing as someone else. In a different world, Kalei could have been one of these people.

But Kalei is betrayed by her own body, by the blood that rushes to her face and turns it bright red.

The class falls quiet as virtually every teenager in the room stares at her.

"I-" She tries to say, but it's too late. One of the boys, Andrew Davies, seems to have worked it out - his eyes have widened a fraction, and when she makes the mistake of meeting them, she knows it's written all over her face.

"Hoooooly shit," he says.

Kalei feels panic take up in her chest and she lets out a nervous laugh, turning to head back towards the blackboard. "You know, the funny thing about probability is that-"

"You're shagging Miss Quill."

The class is so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. The sound of Kalei's shoe squeaking as she turns back around to look at the boy - though not before taking a very deep breath to prepare herself - makes the student closest to her wince.

Kalei meets Andrew's eyes immediately, taking in the shock and disgust and bizarre delight in them. There's an instinct to deny the accusation, or to feel embarrassed. Well, no, she _does_ feel embarrassed. Her students finding out about her sex life like this is rather mortifying. But she's not embarrassed of her _relationship_ with Quill.

So she draws on every piece of nerve she has, keeps looking the boy dead in the eye, and says, "Yes. And?"

Someone - she's not sure who - lets out a long, slow whistle.

Andrew, to her satisfaction, does not seem remotely prepared for her response. She can understand why he would assume that he could make her flustered about it - god knows, the reflex is there for Kalei to become _immensely_ flustered, but this is her one chance to control how this gets out, and she will not let them make her feel ashamed.

"Well, that's…" Andrew licks his lips nervously.

"That's what?"

"Gay," someone else whispers, giggling.

Kalei doesn't even bother to look around and try to work out who has spoken. She finds herself throwing her hands up in the air with exasperation.

"Well, no shit!" she exclaims.

There is a brief silence. Then the class erupts into laughter. While a couple of students seem slightly uneasy ( _spot the possible homophobes_ , Kalei can't help but think), almost everyone else seems to be laughing at Andrew, not at her. Even Andrew is starting to grin.

They think it's funny.

Kalei feels herself exhale with relief, starting to laugh herself. " _Anyway_ ," she says pointedly, feeling herself blush furiously again and pushing her hair behind her ears, "back to probability, now."

The lesson more or less gets on track after that, even though she does hear hushed whispers that she tries to ignore.

* * *

Somehow, she manages to forget about the fact that this news is obviously going to spread all through the school, until it's morning break and she catches some students staring at her as she passes them in the corridors.

By lunchtime, it's pretty much _all_ the students. And when she gets to the staff room, everyone is looking at her with various levels of amusement or judgement in their eyes, and so she turns on her heel and walks right back out again.

Sally's classroom, when she gets there, is devoid of any human life at all. It's possible that Kalei has simply missed her on her way to the staff room, but there's no way in hell she's going back there to check.

Dorothea's office is empty too. The shelves behind her desk are smashed, and there's glass everywhere. Kalei frowns at them, vaguely concerned, before closing the door on the office again.

In the end, Kalei returns to her own classroom and falls into her chair with a sigh.

"So… the cat's out of the bag now, huh?"

Kalei looks up to see a sheepish Sophia standing in the doorway. Kalei lets out a little laugh and rests her chin in one of her hands.

"I suppose so. The cat here being a grumpy al - uh, antagonistic physics teacher."

Sophia smiles shyly and steps further into the room. "So, if you're wearing her clothes, does that mean everything's alright between you two now? Where is she, if you don't mind me asking?"

"She's on leave, for a while. For… personal reasons," Kalei says. When she sees Sophia's look of concern, she's quick to add, "But she's fine, I promise. She's… really good, actually. Mostly."

"I'm glad," Sophia says. "And even though I can... tell you're not feeling great about everyone knowing about you and Miss Quill, you seem… better."

"I am," Kalei tells her, smiling.

"Can you ask Miss Quill who she was going to get to tutor me? My mum still wants to know."

"I'll ask her tonight and let you know," Kalei promises. "Though, I'm still having a hard time trying to imagine her making enough of an effort to think of something like that, even for you. Unless she was just trying to appease your mother somehow."

Sophia shrugs. "I dunno. I think she might have deliberately said something to my mum about having a girlfriend, actually, because my mum was muttering something about her being an _unapologetic lesbian_?"

Kalei makes a face as she thinks about her pregnant girlfriend. "Trust me, she's _not_ a lesbian."

"I know, I caught her ogling the old football coach's butt like three different times before he quit," Sophia says, laughing. "But you know." Her voice drops a bit as she whispers, "Straight people."

Kalei laughs too. "I do know. Their brains amaze me, sometimes."

Sophia's eyes sparkle at that and the girl giggles. It warms Kalei to be able to see her accepting herself and realising that she's part of something wonderful. That it's not a bad thing, how she is.

" _Your_ brain amazes me, sometimes," Sally says from the doorway, making Sophia jump. "Kalei, I get that it must have been really exciting, Quill coming back into town, but I really didn't have you pegged as someone dumb enough to wear their girlfriend's clothes into work. Where their girlfriend _also_ works. You _know_ you don't have a poker face!"

Kalei frowns at Sally. "Can we… not do this in front of a student?"

Sally throws her hands up. "Hell, Kalei, it's not like the entire school doesn't know what you've been up to, now!"

"I know, but still," Kalei says.

Sophia is looking at her feet again, just like she had done when one of their earlier conversations had been interrupted by Dorothea. Kalei can understand being intimidated by Dorothea, but Sally? Then again, Dorothea is generally a bit friendlier than Sally, at least on the surface. Is it really everyone _but_ Kalei that she's terrified of talking to?

"If you could please remember to ask Miss Quill about the tutoring," Sophia mumbles, then hurrying out before Kalei can even reply.

"Next time, when you see me talking to her, do me a favour and _don't_ come in here like the American fury that you are," Kalei says to Sally, perhaps more sharply than necessary. "She's blatantly terrified of pretty much any authority figure that isn't me. You're not helping change that."

Sally has the decency to blink, then look rather ashamed. "Shit. Really?"

"Yes, really. She has a bigoted mother that I suspect is not a remotely healthy parent, and she doesn't need any more adults around her shouting, even if it's not at her."

"Wait, you think-"

"It's a hunch," Kalei says flatly, all at once feeling very tired. "But you know, what can I do, other than try and teach her self-worth and that her mother's shitty opinions aren't even close to the truth?"

"...bigoted how?"

Kalei arches an eyebrow. "I promised I wouldn't tell anyone, but I'm the only out teacher at this school, and she came to me. Take a guess."

"Ah. Damn."

"Yep."

There is a brief silence before Sally lets out a sigh. "Okay, but seriously, this clothes thing. How are you this dumb? Did she _literally_ fuck your brains out last night?"

Kalei laughs helplessly. "Would you believe me if I told you that we didn't even have sex?"

"Not remotely."

"Or that I got drunk, while she stayed sober, and we had a really bizarre conversation and then I fell asleep on her? And couldn't be bothered going home this morning when the alternative was having breakfast with her?"

Sally frowns at her. "None of this makes any sense. You two have sex like rabbits. It's just what you _do_."

Kalei realises, rather abruptly, that at some point very soon she is going to need to tell Sally the truth. As soon as possible, really. Because she can't keep something as huge as her girlfriend being a weird pregnant alien from her best friend.

"Okay," Kalei says slowly. "I'm going to go to Quill and ask if I can tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"What I haven't been able to. What Dorothea knows."

"If you think I'll believe you, why not just tell me now?"

Kalei sighs, rubbing her temple. "Firstly, it'll be a conversation that happens over drinks. Lots and lots of drinks. Secondly, because it's not quite my secret to tell. I'd rather check first. Also...I don't think you'll believe me."

Sally arches an eyebrow. "Okay, well, now you have me interested."

"You're going to think I'm crazy. And then when you finally believe me, you're going to think I'm even _more_ crazy."

"I already think you're an idiot, but you're my idiot so I don't care," Sally says, with a reluctantly fond look. "Come on, Kalei, if I didn't ditch you over the bisexual flag hair disaster or the time you blew me off to go home with a hot middle-aged woman with a nose piercing and an entirely emerald wardrobe, the last time we went out before you went to South Africa, then I'm not ditching you, period."

Kalei flushes. "I forgot about that."

"I didn't. I never will. Why are you attracted to weirdos?" Sally comes to put her hand on Kalei's shoulder. "Okay, but seriously. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Kalei says honestly. "I'm not ashamed of it, just... embarrassed about it getting out like this. But it's my own doing, isn't it? I should never have worn these clothes."

Sally gives her a once over and shrugs. "... they look good on you. You look like the sexy librarian in a classy porno."

"... you're just saying that so I never do this again, aren't you?"

"It's about fifty-fifty."

* * *

Quill gets bored of reading around midday and goes into the kitchen to make lunch, only to find Matteusz and Charlie already in there. Charlie is sitting at the table, sketching intently, while Matteusz is already cooking.

"Miss Quill," Matteusz says, when she comes in. "How did you sleep?" For all his pleasant words, he is more tense than she has ever seen him.

Quill lifts an eyebrow. "Rather well, knowing my enemies are dead and that I have my freedom."

"Are you going to kill me?" Charlie asks out of nowhere, looking up from his sketchbook to stare at her. He doesn't exactly look scared. He just looks… hollow. She knows that feeling well enough.

"No."

"Oh."

"Why would I do that when I can watch you suffer instead?" Quill sneers. Then she just shrugs. "Besides, then I'd have no one to talk about how ridiculous humans are with, and that would be… irritating."

Matteusz lets out a breath of relief, and his body relaxes some. Oh. He had been worried that she was going to kill his boyfriend. Understandable.

"Good," Matteusz says, but his gaze is still serious. "I want it to be clear, Miss Quill, that if you try to hurt him, I will protect him with my life."

Quill arches an eyebrow. "Well, yeah. Is this really a new thing? Besides, I just said I wasn't going to kill him, didn't I? I might smack him if he gets annoying, but he's welcome to return any petty violence I might deal out, in kind."

"Please, do not smack him."

"Can't make any promises. He's a very irritating person."

"I don't care, Matteusz," Charlie says tiredly.

"You should care," Matteusz tells him.

"You know who else doesn't care? Me," Quill announces, but neither of them pay her any attention, which is irritating. "What I care about is food. I have another lifeform sucking energy from my body, I need to keep myself sustained."

"Good point," Matteusz says, chuckling. He's completely at ease now, so she can only assume that he's convinced she isn't going to hurt Charlie.

The three of them eat in awkward silence, but for the sound of Quill's chewing. Charlie seems itching to get back to his sketch pad. Quill watches him carefully, which seems to make him uncomfortable. It takes her a good minute to decide whether that means she should continue or stop. While the idea of making him uncomfortable is appealing, a part of her sympathises with battle trauma, and admits that maybe she should wait a week or two before trying to make his life hell.

He did just lose all of his people, after all. She knows how it feels, and it's the worst pain imaginable. Worse even than the pain his slavery put her through.

So yeah, as much as it feels wrong, she'll go easy on him for now.

"You did the right thing, prince," she says, breaking the silence.

He looks up at her, incredulous for a moment before his expression returns to dangerously neutral, and his gaze falls back to his food. "Coming from you, that means nothing."

"Alright, how about this: you did the only thing you could," Quill amends, lifting an eyebrow. "If you hadn't, this world would have been extinguished. Your friends and the person you loved would have been gruesomely murdered, and then the Shadowkin would have gone on to do the same to countless other worlds. You're a hero."

"Do not call him that," Matteusz says with a frown. "Genocide should never be called heroic."

"Besides, Ram was the hero, we saw that when he brought April back," Charlie says. "I'm the one who destroyed the Rhodia, I failed all of them."

"But you destroyed the Shadowkin. Perhaps it is as simple as the fact that you're simultaneously a hero and a failed one."

Charlie frowns at her, but seems to be considering it. Then his face crumples. "They're gone," he whispers, tears tracking down his cheeks. Matteusz shuffles his chair closer so that he can hug Charlie to his side, kissing the top of his head. "They're all _gone-_ "

"I know," Quill says quietly.

Something in Charlie's face changes, and he looks at her with something akin to horror. "Is this - is this how you've felt this whole time?"

"You mean the crushing sense of loneliness and complete lack of hope for the future of the people I was so proud to be a part of?" Quill asks, arching an eyebrow. "Yes. Fun, isn't it?"

Charlie's eyes are shining and full of an emotion she can't recognise. "I - I'm sorry," he says.

Quill stares at him, sure she must have heard him wrong. "You what?"

"I was so sure I was right, about everything," Charlie says. "That if I wished for something, it would be real. That if I wanted to be good, I would be. That if I believed I was right, I would be. But that's not how it works, is it? My people were… were wrong. I wished to be their hero, I believed I could be… it wasn't enough. A wish is not the same as an action. I… everything I've ever believed in was wrong. I was wrong, about all of it-"

"Hang on, you can't just renounce your entire belief system like that," Quill says, frowning at him. Ballon's voice echoes in her head. _Your self is already formed._ "What you believe is who you are, Charles. Your entire life and self were shaped by that belief. And don't get me wrong, it is flawed on more levels than I could count, and yes, your people condoned slavery and that's abhorrent, but even _they_ weren't wrong about _everything_. And you certainly aren't. Why are you so intent on extremes? Can't you see that almost everything falls in the middle?"

"Only a Sith deals in absolutes," Matteusz murmurs.

"What?" Quill asks, confused.

"It's from a movie. Is not important."

"But I had doubts even before I failed my people," Charlie whispers. "Not many, but Miss Jacobs, she - she made me wonder, just for fleeting moments at a time-"

" _Kalei_ got through to you?"

"Not much. But a little, yes." Charlie swallows, brow creased. "She was so _sure_. And speaking from personal experience. And it made no sense for her to be lying, and no one can be that headstrong based on a _delusion_ -"

"Clearly, you know nothing of Republicans," Matteusz says, making Quill snort and Charlie frown at him with confusion.

"She cares about you, Quill," Charlie says a moment later. "She remained certain of you even when I tried so hard to dissuade her. Please tell me that everything she believes about the two of you is true."

Quill isn't quite sure how to answer that - especially since she doesn't know _exactly_ what Kalei believes. "I've never lied to her. Our relationship is more or less exactly what it seems."

Charlie stares. "Really?"

"Yes, Charles," Quill says, the way one would talk to a child. "I know it must be difficult for you to consider that I'm not completely without a heart, but I can assure you I am occasionally capable of caring about people. Just not snotty teenagers or princes who have enslaved me."

He winces. The silence where he would normally say 'punishment' in correction hangs between them.

"This doesn't mean I'm about to start assuming you're right about everything, just because I wasn't." Charlie says finally. Which is good. Maybe he hasn't thrown his _entire_ belief system away.

"Pity," Quill says, around a mouthful of food.

She gets up from the table to head for the coffee maker, only for Matteusz to get up from the table as well.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Making coffee," she says, wondering if he lost some brain cells in the Shadowkin incursion.

"Coffee is bad for babies," Matteusz says seriously, taking a few steps towards the kitchen. "You cannot have coffee while pregnant."

"I'm sorry, do you really want to try and tell me what I can and cannot do?" Quill asks. "What is it with you people and treating pregnant women like fragile things not allowed to drink any remotely satisfying substances?"

Matteusz frowns at her.

"Kalei's already gone through this with me," Quill explains. "Denied me coffee _and_ vodka."

"Caffeine and alcohol can hurt babies that aren't born yet," Matteusz says, holding her gaze. "We will get you decaf."

"Then get it. Now."

Matteusz almost looks like he wants to argue, but then he shares a glance with Charlie, who seems to realise he either has to go or be left alone with Quill. The two boys grab their jackets and head for the door.

A moment later, just as Quill is considering making coffee anyway while they're gone because her baby is a _Quill_ and not susceptible to human rules, Matteusz returns to empty the coffee maker into the sink and then take the bag of beans with him.

Quill scowls. Matteusz smiles. His bravery is impressive, she has to admit.

With a sigh of defeat, she goes to sit down on the couch to await their return. Her back hurts.

* * *

"So you haven't seen Dorothea all day?"

"Nope. Apparently she never came in. Sick, or something."

Kalei thinks about the look on Dorothea's face as she had hurried out of the auditorium after the Shadowkin attack. After she had, apparently, blown up the Governors. Meanwhile, the Ever Upward Reach door is scorched and won't open. No one seems to know why - except Kalei.

At the end of the school day, Kalei goes to the office and tries to get Dorothea's home address.

After an argument, lasting several minutes, with the woman at the desk, Kalei is forced to walk away in defeat. She just wants to know that Dorothea is okay. Dorothea had believed in the Governors and whatever their cause had been so fiercely. The glimpse of Dorothea's broken composure was likely only the tip of the iceberg of what turmoil she must be feeling.

A few minutes later, when she's reached her car, Kalei's phone rings. It's from an unknown number.

"Hello?"

" _Is there a particular reason you're trying to find out where I live?"_

"Oh!" Kalei bites her lip. "How did you-" The question dies in her throat. What's even the point in asking how Dorothea knows _anything_? "I just wanted to see if you were okay. Yesterday-"

" _Yesterday, I blew up almost everything I believe in, because they tried to kill me. Yes. I haven't forgotten."_

Her voice sounds strange. _Like she's been crying_ , Kalei realises.

"Exactly. So it would make sense if you're not okay right now. You were there for me when I needed it, Dorothea, and now I want to be there for you."

There's a long pause.

" _Oh_ ," Dorothea says softly. " _I… really?"_

"Of course. That's what friends are for."

" _You know that I wouldn't really know that, surely?"_

"There's always time to fix that. Now, give me your address. Do you have a preferred comfort food? I'll bring that too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That conversation between Quill, Charlie, and Matteusz was surprisingly difficult to write. Shout out to FernDavant for giving me a bit of extra help there. And for just generally being a wonderful beta who puts up with my nonsense and general acting like an overexcited puppy about everything.


	32. Cupcakes, Confessions, and Complaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalei does her best to comfort a distraught Dorothea Ames, who feels undeserving of her kindness and makes a disturbing confession. Quill isn't happy about not being on the receiving end of all of Kalei's attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dorothea's character is tricky to work out, especially in terms of her motives and morality and such. So I just want to be clear that Kalei is not a reliable narrator here. How truthful Dorothea is being about some of the things she is saying is entirely up to your interpretation as a reader, in terms of how you happen to personally see her character.

Kalei arrives with grocery bags in her uninjured hand, on the doorstep of an apartment that's about fifteen minute's drive from the school. It's unbalanced and heavy, but it's better than trying to carry anything in her right hand just yet. Plus, it leaves her a hand to knock on the door with. Gently.

The door opens, and for a moment Kalei can only blink.

Dorothea's hair is loose and around her shoulders in gentle waves, her smart dresses and jackets nowhere in sight. Instead, she's clad in a simple - but expensive looking - pale sweater and jeans, with socks, but no shoes. Her makeup is ever-so-slightly smudged around her red-rimmed eyes.

"Hey," Kalei says, with a tentative smile. "So, I know you said you like making Victoria sponge, but I thought cupcakes might be more fun. Because, you know, decorating."

"Why am I not surprised?" Dorothea says, her lips curling just a little. Her voice and eyes are tired, but the latter, at least, are warm enough that Kalei feels comfortable stepping inside.

Dorothea's apartment is a lot like her office - stylish and modern, but not in an unfriendly way. The only difference between the two is the books. Books cover most surfaces of Dorothea's flat - the multiple bookshelves in the living space are filled to bursting, so various volumes have overflown into stacks on the coffee table and on the floor by the bookshelves.

Even then, Kalei is fairly sure they're still in alphabetical order, of course. Although some of them don't seem to be written in any language Kalei recognises.

"I didn't realise you ran a bookshop in your spare time," Kalei says wryly.

Dorothea flushes. "Yes, well, I do a lot of reading. So much to learn."

"How many languages do you know? These aren't all in English."

"Oh, quite a few. The alien ones do tend to be a fair bit trickier, though."

"You speak _alien_ languages?"

"Oh no, my dear, but I can read a few of them," Dorothea says, with a hint of pride in her tone. "I'm also lucky enough to have a translator of written text, which is how I've been teaching myself."

"Don't you ever just… relax?"

"I prefer to learn," Dorothea says mildly. "Baking Victoria sponge is more or less my only diversion from that."

"Well, I hope the cupcakes are an acceptable substitute."

"I'm sure they'll do just fine."

They move into the kitchen and start unpacking the shopping bags. The ingredients are almost all laid out on the counter, when Dorothea picks up a packet of icing flowers.

"It's good to see you've branched out with the decorations," Dorothea says.

Kalei glances at the packet and laughs. "Yes, I know, I'm endlessly predictable."

"Oh, I don't know if I'd go that far," Dorothea says softly.

Kalei looks up at her and swallows. Whatever cheer Dorothea had in her upon Kalei's arrival seems to have faded. Despite her small smile, Dorothea's eyes are sad and exhausted.

"So… the Governors?" Kalei asks. She knows it's a bad move, but she can't help herself. It has to be asked; she has to know.

Sure enough, Dorothea's face crumples, then her legs do too, and the next thing Kalei knows, the other woman is on the floor, leaning against the kitchen counter and crying quietly.

"I'm sorry," Kalei says, dropping to her knees. "I shouldn't have-"

"You were right," Dorothea whispers. "You were right about them. And I think you're probably the only reason I'm still alive. Because you put just enough doubt in my mind to make me go in there armed."

"Armed with what?" Kalei asks. "A bomb?"

Dorothea's lips twitch. "Of sorts. I rigged the metaphysical engine to explode, set it off when I realised they were about to kill me, and used a teleport to get away. But if not for that, I'd-" Her hand goes to her neck, massaging the skin there as a frown creases her forehead. Her whole body is shaking as tears roll down her cheeks.

"Well, I'm very glad you're alright," Kalei says, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Dorothea looks at her skeptically. "Really?"

"Of course. You're my friend."

Dorothea cries harder, and Kalei is quick to pull her into a hug. It's familiar in some ways, but foreign in so many others. Dorothea is usually the embodiment of composure and discipline. For her to be undone like this is nothing short of alarming.

"It's going to be alright," Kalei assures her, rubbing her back a little. "I know it's hard, but you're more than whatever the Governors had you doing or believing. Realising we've made mistakes is how we grow."

"You - you wouldn't be so kind to me if you knew the things I have done."

"I'm dating a revolutionary who killed a lot of people, Dorothea. I have no doubt that you would have had good reasons for anything you've done."

"Not always. And not everything I do is for the protection of the Earth or the Arrival. Some of the things I-"

"There's nothing wrong with doing things for yourself, Dorothea-"

Dorothea pulls away from the hug, eyes full of a guilt that Kalei can't understand. "I watched you," she says softly. The words themselves aren't incriminating, but Kalei realises their meaning must be.

"What do you mean?"

"You and Quill," Dorothea whispers. "In my office that day. I watched you. Do you really think I don't have security cameras in my own office?"

Kalei leans back, feeling nausea creep into her gut. "You - why would you do that?"

"I was curious about Quill, about how she thinks, and feels-"

"And how about how _I_ feel?" Kalei asks, horrified. "That wasn't just sex, it was - it was a _goodbye_ , it was emotional and - and _soul-baring_ , and you're telling me you watched us even after realising that?"

Dorothea swallows. "It was just so beautiful. The two of you, what you were doing, what you were feeling, I - how could I possibly look away?"

"With common human decency!"

"Well, I've told you, I'm not much good at that."

Kalei curls her legs up to her chest, trying to process. She feels dirty. Violated. Her arms pull her cardigan tighter around her, like that'll make any difference.

"I'm truly sorry," Dorothea says. "I didn't realise what I was doing until it was almost over. I didn't _quite_ watch to the end. If I had, I'd have been the first one in that bathroom trying to help you, not Miss Spencer."

"Why would you tell me this?!" Kalei asks incredulously. "Why could you not let that be your dirty little secret that you never tell?"

"Because you deserve the truth, more than I deserve your kindness."

They sit in silence for about half a minute.

"You asked me which pieces of furniture," Kalei says, voice flat. "If you already knew, what was the point?! To humiliate me?"

"I was never intending to confess to this," Dorothea murmurs. "And you - you are so charming when you blush like that."

"I can't believe this," Kalei says, hands dragging over her face. "Aliens and arns and shapeshifters and weird accelerated pregnancies I can almost handle. But what I just can't get my head around is you, Dorothea. How can someone as lovely as you also be - be _this_?! The person who has physically sent a shiver down my spine from some of the things she's said, the person who thinks that invading people's privacy like this could ever, ever be okay-"

"I know. I've been consumed by my occupation. Knowing and seeing everything is what I've done for so long, I don't know how to stop, I don't know where to draw the line-"

"Personal intimate encounters," Kalei says, closing her eyes. "That's where you draw the line."

"In my defence, you did it in _my_ school. In my office," Dorothea says. "Did you really think I wouldn't check in on you? One could argue I have every right to see what is going on in my own office."

Kalei opens her mouth to argue, only to shut it again.

"It was still _wrong."_

"I know. And I'm truly sorry. But you know, I don't always have the appropriate reactions to things. It's something I struggle with. All I saw was her, and you, and it was so-"

Dorothea's voice is thick with emotion. But her eyes are dark with something else.

Kalei swallows. Suddenly all she can hear is Quill's voice. _I bet she gets off on that sort of thing, with her omniscience complex._

No. She can't ask that. She doesn't _want_ to ask that. She under _no circumstances_ ever wants to know the answer to that question.

Besides, her brain is stuck on something else, the bit that had been before that. How Quill's dirty talk had mentioned Dorothea watching them, how it had been the thing that pushed Kalei over the edge -

"I got off on it once," she whispers, without really meaning to, and once she realises, her cheeks flush crimson as Dorothea stares at her.

"What?" the other brunette asks.

Good god, how could she have said that out loud?

"Quill was - we were on the phone," Kalei says, the words pouring out of her like Dorothea's confession has punctured a hole somewhere in her, and she just can't stop them, "she was saying how she would - how we'd have sex in her classroom. How there would be security cameras but she wouldn't care. How you'd probably watch them before deleting them for us. And I-"

Her verbal waterfall stops short as she reaches her breaking point, her mortification reaching a point where she can regain control and clap her hands over her mouth like it will stop all the words that have already escaped. She's said all she needs to already, and Dorothea's eyes widen with understanding.

"...why in the world are you telling me this?" Dorothea asks.

"I don't know," Kalei whispers, tears pricking her eyes. "I don't - I just - but it's not the same, that was just sex, it wasn't even _real_ , it doesn't mean what you did was-"

"I know," Dorothea says seriously.

"What _is_ this conversation?" Kalei asks. "Who has conversations like this? How are we friends? How _can_ we be, when you did something like that?"

"Our friendship has hardly ever been conventional," Dorothea says. "You've known from almost the beginning that I'm interested in your girlfriend in almost every way possible. It can't have escaped your notice that that sentiment has also, for the most part, extended to include you as well."

Kalei does her best to hide her faint surprise. Oh, she'd _suspected_ , but not properly until Sally had pointed it out. But it had still never seemed truly possible, until now. Except now, it seems blindingly obvious. _It was so beautiful, the two of you_ …

"I suppose that's a fair point," Kalei admits. "I just - I feel-"

"Betrayed. Violated."

"... yes."

"And now I owe you my life," Dorothea says somberly. "So please believe me when I say that I will do _anything_ possible to make this up to you."

Kalei sits there for a while. Thinks about it hard. Weighs her disgust and uncertainty and worry, and all the other conflicting emotions in her chest. "...okay," she says. "But if you _ever_ do _anything_ like that again without telling us-"

"I won't. I swear it," Dorothea says, holding her gaze. "I have very little purpose in my life now, until I find a new one, but I'll be starting with doing right by you and by Quill."

"Thank you."

"And I suppose Coal Hill still needs protecting," Dorothea continues thoughtfully. "Perhaps even more without the Governor's powerful reach."

"Between you and Quill and those kids, I think Coal Hill will be fine," Kalei says.

"And yourself, of course."

Kalei shakes her head. "I fight institutions and oppressive laws. With words. Fighting aliens isn't for me. I'll just… look after Quill's baby when she needs to go and kick alien butt."

 _Quill's baby_. She's never said it aloud before. It's bizarre. Wrong.

Dorothea seems to think so too, and mirrors her frown. "Yes, that _is_ going to take some time to get used to."

"It's just near impossible to even imagine," Kalei says. "Her as a mother, it just doesn't… work. With a baby, at least."

"I don't much care for babies," Dorothea says with distaste. "Small children I can handle, even like in rather small doses, but not infants."

"I like babies just fine," Kalei says. "But the fact that it's going to be Quill's-"

"It's a constant reminder of her infidelity."

"No - well, yes. But I still don't know how much that actually bothers me. It's more just - I don't know. It's just weird. That's it. It's just… too weird. How quickly this has all happened."

"That makes perfect sense." Dorothea delicately wipes at her eyes and lets out a little laugh. "Dear me, this derailed a little, didn't it? I believe you were coming over here to comfort me."

"Why does everything sound like an innuendo when you say it?" Kalei asks as they both get to their feet.

Dorothea smirks. "Perhaps because you know such an offer is always on the table?"

Kalei flushes, much to Dorothea's obvious delight. "Let's stick to cupcakes, shall we?"

Dorothea is horrified at the lack of a physical recipe until Kalei assures her that it's because Kalei has had it memorised for years. After that, the two of them find an easy rhythm that leads to some of the most efficient cupcake batter making Kalei has ever participated in.

"Are you sure you don't want to make them chocolate?" Kalei asks.

"No, this is the one area of my life where I have a preference for vanilla," Dorothea says, rather absently, and Kalei has to stop and lift an eyebrow at her. Dorothea, upon realising what she had said, simply blinks at Kalei, and smirks. "Problem, Kalei?"

"No," Kalei says, lips curling into a grin, as she goes back to spooning the mix into the tin. "No problem at all."

They fall back into silence as they work to get the cupcakes in the oven.

"Brilliant," Kalei says, beaming once they're in. "And now to clean up and get out the decorations." Dorothea has already made a start on the former, and Kalei moves to help when her phone rings. Unsurprisingly, the caller ID reads 'Sometimes Andy'.

" _Where are you?"_ Quill asks when Kalei picks up. " _School's long over by now."_

"I'm making cupcakes with Dorothea," Kalei says.

"... _I'm sorry,"_ Quill says with what sounds like very forced calm, " _you're_ what _?"_

"Making cupcakes with Dorothea Ames," Kalei repeats, keeping her voice cheerful. She knows Quill can't be happy about this, but Quill can't always get her own way, and she needs to learn _somehow_ that Dorothea isn't the enemy. "I might even bring you a couple."

" _Why in_ hell-"

"See, I imagine having your entire belief system shattered only twenty-four hours ago must be quite an awful experience, and I tend to try and repay the favour when people have spent a lot of their time comforting me and making me feel better, like Dorothea has."

" _She can't be trusted, Kalei_ -"

"Well, _I_ trust her," Kalei says flatly. "You don't have to, but you do have to respect my judgement and opinion. I'll see you in an hour or so, Andy."

She hangs up and puts the phone down.

"After everything you've just learned, you still defend me," Dorothea says, rather awed.

"I've forgiven you for that, haven't I?" Kalei asks. "And what Quill hates you for - well, I suppose it's fair, under the circumstances, but I'm sure that once you get a chance to explain and apologise, she'll eventually accept that you didn't want any of those things to happen to her or Ballon. And like I've said, you were there for me when I _really_ needed somebody and couldn't go to my best friend. You were a good friend to me, and the rest of it can be forgiven."

Dorothea nods, but her eyes are slightly teary again. "I'm sorry. This might take some getting used to."

"Well, we've got time," Kalei says, smiling at her while drying off the mixing bowl they have just used. "Just… can you let me find you a girlfriend, or something? Clearly you, uh-"

"Somehow, I don't think it would be fair to any woman in question, when my interest still lies elsewhere."

"...fair enough."

"Don't worry about me in that regard, Kalei, I'm a grown woman who can take care of herself."

"You're lonely," Kalei says. "No one should have to be lonely."

"I think that this time, it's rather self-inflicted," Dorothea replies. "Besides, I have a friend now, in you. That should help, don't you think?"

"I hope so. Now, let's talk cupcake decorations."

It comes as no surprise that Dorothea Ames has fantastic decorating taste, and between them, they come up with three different elegant floral designs for when the cupcakes are out of the oven, all the while sipping at the wine that Dorothea breaks out for them.

Once that's done, they recline against the counter and continue drinking the wine, feeling rather pleased with themselves. Kalei politely pretends not to notice the speedy rate at which Dorothea downs the alcohol.

"So, things are alright with Miss Liu?"

"Yes, we're alright now," Kalei says. "I think I'm going to ask Quill if she minds me trying to tell Sally the truth. This alien thing is too big now, I can't keep it from her."

"She's more sensible than most people could ever hope to be," Dorothea replies. "She would be a good person to have on hand, if necessary."

"Glad to know you think so."

"Do you believe Quill will have a problem with you telling her?"

"Well, she doesn't want everyone to know, but it's the best move in the long run, and I'm sure the strategist in her can appreciate that."

"How do you think Sally will take it?"

"I don't know...She's always made a lot of jokes about wanting to get abducted by aliens, but I do think they were just jokes. So who knows?" Kalei presses a fingertip to one of the cupcakes. "I think we can decorate these now."

They do half each, and Kalei isn't surprised to see that Dorothea's are significantly neater (though the last few are slightly less perfect than the others, and Kalei has to wonder if the wine is hitting her). But Kalei's are still decent enough, and the two of them exchange a pleased smile when they step back to admire their work.

"Please make sure to take some of these with you," Dorothea says. "Most of them, even. I'm only one woman, I don't need over a dozen and a half cupcakes."

"Hm, meanwhile Quill lives with two teenage boys," Kalei considers, grinning. "Yes, you have a point. I'm sure between their collective appetites, the three of them will absolutely demolish these."

Dorothea fetches a container, and Kalei makes sure to leave the prettiest cupcakes for Dorothea herself, as they pack the others into the tupperware.

"I hope this did actually make you feel better," Kalei says hesitantly, as she slings her bag over her shoulder and tucks the cupcakes under her arm before heading towards the door. "I feel like we got a little… sidetracked."

"Perhaps we did, but it still certainly helped," Dorothea assures her, eyes soft. "Thank you, Kalei."

"You're very welcome."

Kalei hugs Dorothea tightly, and feels Dorothea exhale as she hugs Kalei back. The hug lasts a little too long, reminding Kalei of everything that has been said, of what Dorothea has confessed to. She pulls away to find Dorothea's dark eyes intent on her.

They're too close.

Dorothea leans forward, her breath hitting Kalei's lips, and the maths teacher leans backwards.

"No, Dorothea," Kalei whispers, with a sad, pitying sigh.

Dorothea flushes with embarrassment, horror flashing through her eyes. "I'm sorry," she says, visibly mortified. "I didn't mean to-"

"You're lonely, and just had your world shattered, and you've had a bit too much wine," Kalei says gently. "It's okay." She reaches for Dorothea's face and leans in to kiss her on the cheek. "Goodnight, Dorothea."

"Goodnight, Kalei," Dorothea says, almost wistfully. She opens the door for Kalei. "Please give Quill my love."

Kalei arches an eyebrow, and Dorothea flushes again.

"By which I mean, my regards and sincerest apology," she says, seriously. "And nothing else, because despite what just happened, I intend to keep things appropriate with the two of you, going forward."

Kalei nods. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

It isn't until Kalei is in her car that she realises how utterly relieved she is to be away from Dorothea. She had thought that she had mostly dealt with all the strangeness with the Headmistress, but now she isn't so sure. Dorothea's complete lack of respect for personal boundaries has surpassed her expectations.

If it had just been Dorothea watching them have meaningless sex? It probably wouldn't bother Kalei much, in the long run. Hell, even now, despite _everything_ , that particular thought makes Kalei rather warm under the collar.

But that particular time had been so much more. The idea of Dorothea witnessing that, witnessing such a private moment where Kalei can remember the physical pleasure blurring with the emotional pain that had been so strong it had almost been physical in itself - it makes her want to be sick.

No one should have seen that. And Kalei doubts that Quill, despite her lack of reservations about being observed during sex, is going to be happy about that particular invasion of privacy either.

* * *

The front door of Quill's house opens before Kalei can knock on it, revealing an annoyed Quill.

"What? Did the Headmistress finally get bored of you?" Quill asks nastily.

Kalei lifts a singular, unimpressed, eyebrow. "Do you want to try that one again?" When Quill says nothing, but does have the smallest flash of guilt in her eyes, Kalei adds, "How about _'Thank you for coming over here, Kalei, even though you knew I was going to act like a petulant child and you could have just gone home to your cat, who I know does also require your attention_.'"

Quill tenses her jaw. "You could at least have told me where you were going."

"I'm not obligated to report my movements to you, Andy. Do you realise who you're sounding like?"

She feels bad when Quill flinches.

"Alright, fine, look, are you coming in or not?" Quill asks, scowling.

"Of course I am," Kalei says with a warm smile. "I brought you cupcakes."

Quill finally notices the container under her arm. "Hmm. Come on then."

Kalei steps inside, and Quill closes the door behind her, leaving them together in the narrow corridor. Kalei leans in to kiss Quill's cheek, only to remember that she had done the same to Dorothea, then readjust so that she gets the corner of Quill's mouth instead.

Quill is tense but relaxes a fraction at the touch. Kalei nudges her nose for good measure, and sure enough, Quill lets out a sigh of defeat.

"Alright, alright," Quill says, rolling her eyes and kissing Kalei briefly, before taking the container of cupcakes as they head into the kitchen.

Matteusz and Charlie are playing checkers at the dining table. It sends Kalei back to a vivid memory of being ten-years-old and on holiday in South Africa, playing checkers with her _umkhulu_. She smiles.

"Hello, you two," she says. "Who's winning?"

"Matteusz, of course," Charlie sighs.

Matteusz just shrugs. "He is doing very well, for beginner."

"Don't worry, Charlie, I know the feeling of defeat well," Kalei laughs. "When I turned ten, my grandfather stopped letting me win half the time. I was brutally demolished every time afterwards, with zero mercy."

"He sounds good, your grandfather," Quill says around a mouthful of cupcake. She's already planted the tupperware on the other end of the dining table and wrenched the lid open to get to the food.

Kalei stares at her with horror. "...how have I ever found you attractive?"

"I believe you said it had something to do with my arse, and legs, and then-"

"Stop talking," Kalei says, while Charlie shakes his head slightly, and Matteusz grins at them. "Oh, and these cupcakes are for _all_ of you, not just the walking embodiment of bad table manners over here."

"Oh," Charlie says with pleasant surprise.

Kalei hands him and Matteusz two cupcakes each to start off with. They both thank her profusely and dig into the cupcakes appreciatively, but with far more neatness than their guardian, who has her entire mouth around a second cupcake in the exact moment that Kalei turns to look at her again.

Kalei sighs. "I'm going to need to pull a full _Princess Diaries_ on you, aren't I?"

Quill frowns at her. "You what?" The words are muffled by cupcake.

"Manners. You need to learn how to eat food without it being utterly appalling, if you ever want to be taken seriously as an adult in this society. And if I'm ever going to even think about introducing you to my parents."

"Maybe I don't want to meet your parents," Quill says after swallowing the cupcake.

Kalei crosses her arms. "You'll have to at some point."

Matteusz chuckles. "That will be an interesting day, I think."

"I think I'll definitely need Dorothea's help on this one," Kalei says, frowning. "I bet she went to a fancy boarding school or something. Or a finishing school."

"Oh, _Dorothea_ ," Quill says, rolling her eyes. "If you think I'm going to-"

"Dorothea is the new headmistress, yes?" Matteusz asks. "She is your friend, and you were with her today after school?"

"Yes," Kalei replies. "Why?"

"Quill's been complaining. Vocally," Charlie says flatly. "And she was watching at the window for a good twenty minutes before you finally turned up."

"I was looking at a very interesting cat across the street," Quill says, defensive.

"No, you were not," Matteusz says, while skipping his checkers piece over three of Charlie's and removing them from the board, much to the prince's dismay.

Kalei looks at Quill, who has sunk into the chair at the head of the table and is now glaring at Matteusz while munching on a third cupcake, with a ferocity that would give most grown men pause. Of course, most men are not Matteusz Andrzejewski. He simply smiles at her before turning his attention back to checkers.

Reading between the lines, and finding her exasperation fading into something altogether different, Kalei bends down to kiss the top of Quill's head, making the blonde pause in her chewing.

"I missed you too," Kalei says, with a smile.

"Hmph," Quill mumbles.

But the alien revolutionary is a good bit more amiable after that. Matteusz and Kalei collaborate on dinner, and the four of them eat together in a surprisingly companionable atmosphere. Quill and Charlie still mostly avoid talking directly to each other - apart from the occasional snide comment, but even those only seem to be half-hearted, mechanically recited from a familiar script, now outdated.

Matteusz asks Kalei about herself, since until now she has been nothing but his teacher and is now certainly _something_ a little more. He proves himself to be an attentive listener, who asks questions in all the right places, when she tells him about her family in South Africa and how they are the reason for her absence from Coal Hill. Charlie and Quill seem to be listening fairly closely too, but they are quiet for the most part.

"Tell him about your other grandmother," Quill says, sipping at her coffee, which she and Matteusz have assured Kalei is decaf.

"Oh, yes." Kalei wonders why it never occurred to her before to bring it up. She and Matteusz are in many ways kindred spirits in this house - the humans who have struggled against the prejudices others have against who they love, only to find themselves with the strangest lovers of all.

She tells Matteusz about her grandmother. His face is somber as he listens, his eyes sad as he nods with understanding.

"My grandmother is the only one who does not hate me for how I am, I think," Matteusz says quietly. "But she is in Poland."

"Have you been in contact with her?"

Matteusz nods. "A few emails. She said she would try to convince my parents to-" He swallows. "I do not think it worked. And it does not matter. I do not want to go back."

"You'd rather live with two homicidal aliens that you're terrified of?" Charlie asks abruptly.

"You are not homicidal, Charlie," Matteusz says. His tone is patient to the extent that Kalei has to wonder if they've had multiple conversations like this, over the last day.

"He's accepted here," Kalei says, steering the subject back on course. "That's always the most important quality in a home."

Matteusz nods. "My family is who _I_ chose."

"And would you still choose me?" Charlie asks, voice a whisper.

Before Matteusz can answer, Quill lets out a small gasp, and her hands go to her belly.

"Ow," she says, frowning at it. "Calm down, little one, I'm _tired."_

"Are you okay?" Kalei asks, worried.

"Fine. It's just kicking." Quill's frown turns into something more thoughtful. "Quite promising strength, actually. I'll make a warrior of her yet."

"Her?" Kalei, Matteusz, and Charlie say at the same time.

Quill shrugs. "I'm just assuming."

A knock at the front door makes them all jump. Quill frowns in its general direction and goes to get up, only to groan and stay in the chair, scowling all the more deeply at the inconvenience of it all.

"I'll get it," Kalei says, putting a hand on her shoulder as she gets up. "But then I should probably be getting home. Xenophilius needs feeding."

"Who is Xenophilius?" Matteusz asks.

"Her cat," Quill says. "He's an excellent cat. We're very well acquainted, now."

"She brought him to visit you once, when you were hibernating," Charlie tells her.

"Did you really?" Quill looks oddly touched.

Kalei smiles. "I thought if anything could reach you, maybe he could."

"This might come as a surprise, Kalei, but I do actually, for the most part, value you more than your cat."

Kalei leans down to kiss her softly. "Careful, Andy. You're being nice. You have that stone cold reputation to maintain, remember?"

"I don't think these two are in danger of forgetting how awful I can be-"

Another knock, louder this time.

"Yes, coming!" Kalei calls out, and hurries to the corridor in the direction of the door, only for it to swing open before she can get within arm's reach of the handle.

The man striding through it comes to a halt to avoid colliding with her. He looks about two and a half decades older than Kalei, with fluffy grey hair, and a kind of vitality about him. He's holding a strange device in his hand, and looks very puzzled to see Kalei. Well, _that_ feeling is mutual.

"Who the hell are you?" Kalei asks, gaping.

The mysterious man stares back. "I could ask you the same thing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, the Doctor is in! Next chapter should be fun. Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!


	33. The Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor is angry about the genocide, but quickly finds that Charlie and Quill are not as easy to condemn as he had planned. Kalei, meanwhile, is not too impressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So glad to finally bring him into the story! I love my dumb grumpy Scottish owl. 
> 
> (Oh, and prepare for Quillei feels at the end.)

For a long moment, the two of them just stare each other. The stranger is tall and wiry, with curly hair, some of the most powerful eyebrows Kalei has ever seen, and intense blue eyes that keep her rooted to the spot. They flick over her before the eyebrows furrow together in confusion.

"I'm looking for Miss Quill and Charlie Smith. I thought this was their house."

"It is," Kalei says, crossing her arms. "Why are you looking for them?"

"Need to have a strong word with them about cabinets," he says offhandedly, frowning. "If this is their house, why are you here?"

"She's my girlfriend," Quill says, appearing at the end of the corridor. The man blinks with surprise, then looks at Quill more closely, specifically her stomach. Then back at Kalei. His eyebrow arches at Quill.

"You've been busy," he says mildly.

"Yes, I rather have," Quill replies.

"She know about… stuff?"

"Yes."

"Where's Charlie?"

"Kitchen."

"Good. I need to have a word with both of you." He strides past both of them into the kitchen, where they hear Charlie let out an exclamation of shock.

"Who is he?" Kalei asks Quill.

"The Doctor," Quill says grimly. "Our self-righteous saviour. I think we're in for a scolding."

" _Oh_ ," Kalei says.

They enter the kitchen together to find Charlie explaining to the Doctor that Matteusz lives with them now, as well. The Doctor nods and then starts pacing, agitation blooming in him.

"Okay, so, girlfriends and boyfriends aside, does someone want to explain to me why the Shadow Planet is _no longer in the sky_?" he asks, voice rising in volume, "even after I very specifically said that _I would blame anyone who avenged genocide with another genocide?!"_

Kalei flinches, but not as much as Charlie. Quill and Matteusz are resolute.

This Doctor character had had a certain _something_ to him from the beginning, but it's only now that Kalei fully believes he could have singlehandedly saved Quill and Charlie from planetwide slaughter.

"We didn't have a choice," Charlie whispers.

"There's _always_ a choice," the Doctor says.

Charlie, much to everyone's alarm, bursts into tears. Matteusz moves around the table to put his arms around him, glaring at the Doctor, who thankfully looks immediately repentant.

"Well done, you've managed to upset an already emotionally fragile and self-loathing teenager," Quill says to the Doctor sarcastically.

The Doctor seems to have shrunk, his shoulders folded in a little while his fingers knot together. "I didn't - he just-" he whirls around to point a shaky finger at Quill. " _You_ were supposed to be looking after them!"

Quill stares at him, unmoved. "I'm sorry, you expected what, exactly? I made my view on this very clear."

"I gave you a job to do-"

"Yes, and the Earth is still standing and the teenagers in question are all still alive," Quill replies. "And actually, given that you tasked us with protecting the Earth, I'd say that using the Cabinet was an essential part of performing that task, the entire invasion and impending doom of the planet being considered."

"Genocide is never the answer," the Doctor says.

"But sometimes it's the only option," Charlie says, lifting his head from Matteusz's shoulder.

"You know, I thought that once too," the Doctor says seriously. "And that choice haunted me for a long time. Until I got a chance to go back and do things differently."

"Yeah, well, most of us don't live in a time machine, we don't get do overs, we make a choice and we live with the consequences," Quill says, scowling. Her hands go to her stomach, cradling it.

Kalei swallows and looks at her lap.

"And you're just okay with this? The both of you?"

It takes Kalei several moments to realise that the Doctor is talking to her and Matteusz. She looks up to see the older man eyeing her incredulously.

"Hey, don't bring me into this," Kalei says defensively. "I wasn't involved, I'm just the girlfriend."

"And I tried to stop them, I said all of these things that you are saying now," Matteusz says. "I told them it could never be the right thing to do, that I did not want Charlie to do that to himself."

"I'm sorry," Charlie says, but to Matteusz, not the Doctor.

Matteusz kisses him softly. "I know, Charlie. I know."

"Do you make a habit of verbally harassing emotionally traumatised teenagers and pregnant women?" Kalei asks the Doctor coldly.

"Please, she's about as vulnerable as a brick wall," the Doctor scoffs.

"Thank you," Quill says, pleased, as she moves to take another cupcake from the Tupperware container.

"I wish there had been another way," Charlie says quietly. "But there wasn't."

The Doctor softens as he looks at the prince, and he falls into the free chair next to him. His long fingered hand rubs over his lined face. All at once he looks very tired and impossibly old.

"I've been where you are," he says. "And if that's really the truth of it, then you need to hold onto that, or the guilt will drive you mad. You have to think about the lives you saved. Your boyfriend. All your friends. Your teachers. Billions of people you may never meet."

"Hold on, are you suddenly supporting us now?" Charlie asks, shocked.

"No, but I've been where you are," the Doctor says. "And god knows I didn't need anyone shouting at me that I'd done a terrible thing even if it was for the right reasons. I should have realized that. So I'm sorry, Charlie."

"It's alright, I wanted to talk to you anyway," Quill says, with a mouth full of cupcake.

The Doctor turns to look at her. "Really? Why?"

Quill points at her stomach. "Quill pregnancies usually result in death and consumption by one's young. While this isn't a full-blooded Quill baby - hell, if it were I'd be having a whole litter - I'd still rather be sure that isn't going to happen."

"Ah," the Doctor says, making a face that suggests he hadn't known about her people's rather _interesting_ tendencies in that area. "I see. Well, the good news is that humans are all but famous for being able to reproduce safely with other species, so there's a good chance it'll be fine -"

"It isn't human. It's half Quill, half Lorr," Quill says.

The Doctor frowns, glances at Kalei, then back at Quill. He gets out the strange little device from earlier and points it in Kalei's direction. She raises an eyebrow at him.

"But your girlfriend's human," he says to Quill.

Kalei groans. "Oh my god, it's not mine," she says despairingly. "It's wonderful that we're headed in a direction where you all keep assuming this, but it's not mine. Just like with the Shadowkin, I had nothing to do with it."

The Doctor lifts one of his spectacular eyebrows at Quill. "Well," he says. "You really _have_ been very busy here, haven't you?"

"No kidding, this thing was only conceived a week ago," Quill says, "but that fucking Cabinet decided to steal god knows how many months of my life, and here I am."

The Doctor's eyebrows are almost in his hairline. "Interesting. Well, I can do a scan now and come back a little closer to the due date, having done some more in-depth analysis. Plus, I can make sure you have better than 21st century medical care."

"Good, because I trust the doctors here about as far as Kalei could throw them."

"I'm assuming you're Kalei," the Doctor says, glancing at her.

"Kalei Jacobs, maths teacher, compulsive dropper of objects," Kalei says, cheerfully. She sticks her hand out towards him and he shakes it. "Nice to meet you, now that you're done with the judgemental scolding."

"The Doctor, Time Lord, compulsive saver of planets, people, and things," he replies, smiling. "Nice to meet you, Kalei. I have to admit, you don't seem the type to hang around with an alien-warrior-turned-slave."

"Ex-slave," Kalei says, smiling, and when she looks to Quill, the blonde grins at her. "And what can we say? We're more similar than we look."

" _Ex_ -slave?" The Doctor asks sharply. He's looking at Quill again now.

"The father of my baby was also my surgeon," Quill says, with a shrug. "I'm a free woman now, Doctor. The parasite inside my stomach aside."

"Please don't call it a parasite," Kalei says, frowning at her.

"Why not? It's leeching off my lifeforce, isn't it?"

"Well-"

"Exactly. Parasite."

"Baby."

"Same thing."

"You got the arn out of your head?" the Doctor asks Quill, interrupting the argument. "You actually found a way to get it out?"

Quill hesitates, perhaps debating whether to mention that the Headmistress had more to do with the actual method. "Yes."

"And Charlie is still alive."

"Yes."

The Doctor makes a vaguely impressed face. "Didn't see that one coming."

"Neither did I," Charlie mutters, taking a bite out of one of his cupcakes.

"I think it's safe to say it's been a week full of surprises for everyone," Kalei says dryly, "given that my girlfriend ended up pregnant by a shapeshifter and unconscious for six days."

"Plus, the whole Shadowkin murdering people thing," Matteusz adds, making them all sober substantially. Even Quill eats her cupcake a little less enthusiastically than before.

There's a brief silence. Then -

"A _shapeshifter_?" Charlie asks Quill, making a face. "Seriously? First the robot, now this?"

"Do you _really_ want to have a conversation about my sex life, Charles?" Quill asks, without even looking up from the icing flower she is plucking off her cupcake and crushing between her fingertips.

"Well, no."

Kalei frowns. "Hang on, what robot? You had sex with a robot?!"

"No, I just kissed him," Quill says. "Enthusiastically." She frowns. "Well, no. Needily. I… really needed to get laid, before I met you. Thanks for that."

"It was my pleasure," Kalei says, laughing.

"I know," Quill all but purrs, smirking and giving her the bedroom eyes that under normal, pregnancy-free circumstances, would normally result in clothes rapidly disappearing.

"Urgh," Charlie says as he takes a large bite of his cupcake. Matteusz is eating one of his own with a large grin on his face.

The Doctor seems to be very intent on his weird scanning device, which he has pointed at Quill. Kalei can't blame him, really. She sighs and takes a cupcake from the container for herself. Talking about her alien girlfriend's sex life and questionable life choices, with another alien and the two teenage boys said girlfriend lives with, just isn't something she had planned on doing with her evening.

"Okay, that's the initial scan done," the Doctor says about ten seconds later, tucking the device back into his pocket. "I'll be back in a week or two. Kalei, if you could keep your girlfriend from doing anything excessively violent, it would be appreciated."

Quill snorts.

Kalei shrugs. "I mean, I can try."

The Doctor puts his hand on Charlie's shoulder, hesitantly, like he's not quite sure how to go about dealing with emotionally fragile people. "Quill has my number. If you want to, you know. Talk. Or… yeah."

"I'll keep it in mind. Thank you," Charlie says, only glancing up at him for a single moment.

The Doctor nods at Quill and Kalei in farewell, giving the former a look that reads as _stay out of trouble_ , before leaving the kitchen. They hear the front door open and close a few moments later.

Kalei frowns. "He really _is_ self-righteous, huh?" 

"Told you," Quill replies.

"He means well," Matteusz says, before frowning and looking at his boyfriend. "But he should not have shouted at you."

"I deserved it," Charlie murmurs.

"No, you did not. You did not want to do what you did." He cups Charlie's face in his hands again, eyes intent, and Charlie gives him a sad, watery smile.

Quill gets up and takes Kalei by the arm. "Come on."

It's obvious she has no interest in hanging around to watch Charlie and Matteusz get sappy, and Kalei also would prefer to give them some privacy, so she lets herself be pulled into the hallway.

"I should probably get home," Kalei says to Quill, who looks extremely put out.

"You only just got here!"

"Quill, I haven't been at home since yesterday morning, I have a cat to look after," Kalei says with patience, and Quill sighs.

"I suppose that's true." Then she perks up. "You could always bring him here-"

Kalei laughs, half nervously and half affectionately. "Quill, you realise you just practically asked me to move in with you?"

"Yeah," Quill says. "So?"

"That's ridiculous."

Quill looks rather hurt. "Why?"

Kalei holds Quill's hand in her own and lifts it so she can kiss Quill's knuckles. Her heart is swelling absurdly. To think that for all this time she had been worrying that Quill might not want her when all of this is over, and here Quill is more or less wanting her to _live_ with her.

"We don't need to be together every waking moment," Kalei says softly, smiling at her.

"Of course not," Quill says, frowning. "It just seems silly for you to have to go back to your own apartment when you could stay here instead."

"Quill, despite everything, I've only known you for about a month, and I'm not ready for cohabitation yet. I've _never_ lived with someone I was romantically involved with. I need my own space for the moment."

Quill sighs. "Fine. I suppose that's understandable. And I… probably prefer having my own space too. I just-"

Kalei smiles. "I missed you too."

Something in Quill relaxes. "Okay. Good. That's alright, then."

That's when she kisses Kalei, slowly and deeply, hands cradling her face, with that powerful hunger that is a part of Quill as much as anything else. Kalei sinks into it, her hands coming to rest on Quill's wrists as her mouth opens to Quill's on reflex.

When they stop for breath, Quill leans her forehead against Kalei's as she nudges her nose.

"Thank you," Quill says quietly, eyes shut.

"For what?"

"... everything."

Kalei smiles, nuzzles her nose back, and kisses Quill's scar and lips before pulling away. "I'll come and see you the moment school's over tomorrow, I promise."

"You'd better."

"We could watch the other Star Wars movies. They're not about rebellion, but there's still lots of fight scenes, so I think you might still like them."

"If there are still laser swords, I imagine I'll find something to enjoy in it," Quill says seriously.

Kalei laughs. "Good. I'll see you tomorrow, then."

One more kiss, lingering and wistful, Quill's fingers reluctant to let go, and then Kalei is turning around and walking out of the door. It's harder than it should be. Quill isn't the only one who would much prefer to not be apart at any given time.

But Kalei needs to keep her head above the water. She's immersed enough in all this madness as it is.

Kalei goes home and finds an unhappy Xenophilius meowing incessantly at her.

"I know, I'm sorry," she says, as she cuddles him to her while she fetches his food. "Big bad aliens have been making messes, and I've had to try and do what I can to help."

It's a relief to climb back into her own bed, with Xenophilius on her legs, but at the same time she finds herself longing for the warmth of Quill's body next to hers.

She hugs a pillow and tries to fall asleep.

* * *

 

Quill lies awake.

Her hands rest on her stomach, on the strangeness that is her new reality. Almost as if it can tell that she's thinking about it, the baby kicks, in what, absurdly, seems like a kind of _hello_.

She stares at her stomach, and rubs her palm against where the tiny thing had kicked.

"Hello to you, too," she says wryly. "Let's hope that your legs show this much promise when you're older. We'll make a warrior of you yet, little one."

It's easier to think of it like that. Like this baby is another soldier, another Tanya. Someone she can train. A Quill to show how to fight.

Babies she doesn't have the first clue how to deal with. But eager, inexperienced youngsters? Now that's a different story. Perhaps, just perhaps, this whole thing won't end with disaster.

The Doctor is going to help her survive the birth. Kalei is around to help with the emotional needs she would never admit to having - and hopefully once this baby is born they can get right back to the physical needs too. (Alright, so physical things like the kissing and hand-touching are still happening and still _very nice_ , and a lot more crucial to Quill's sanity than she'd ever admit, either. She just also wants to be having sex.)

"You are Quill," she says to herself, exhaling. "You will survive. You will train your young one. And you are not alone."

Despite her words, the bed feels empty without Kalei. Which is ridiculous, since Kalei has only ever spent all of one night in it.

Quill sighs and shuffles over a little, to where the extremely faint scent of Kalei lingers on the pillow. She breathes it in and imagines that Kalei is with her, talking about something silly, but with enough passion that Quill finds it vaguely interesting, Kalei's brown eyes alight and eager.

Quill imagines a day when Kalei's scent is as strong here as her own, the two wrapped up in each other and marking this place, this bed, as theirs.

_That's ridiculous_ , Kalei had said. _I'm not ready_.

It hurts. Just a little. Quill understands well enough, believes Kalei's reasons are sound, but it still feels like a rejection, in some ways.

It's jarring in a different way too. Quill hadn't realised just quite how strongly she feels for Kalei until the thought of Kalei having to leave, of Kalei not wanting to stay, had wrenched something in her gut.

Quill had wanted freedom. And revenge. And now that she has those things… she just wants Kalei. She doesn't like sleeping alone - it reminds her of her imprisonment and time in slavery on Rhodia. Before that, she had slept with her fellow soldiers, with her lover, always at least one other body near or against hers. And Kalei is so soft, and warm. Falling asleep next to her is - dare she admit it even to herself? - utterly wonderful, and Quill wants, or maybe even _needs_ , it to be to a regular thing.

But if Kalei wants space, then Quill can at least _try_ , even if she doubts that it'll go well. Because god knows, she owes Kalei that much.

As Quill closes her eyes to try and sleep, her fingers ghost over her nose, and scar, and lips. She can still feel Kalei's touch, its invisible imprint.

Despite the more bittersweet longing in her heart, Quill smiles faintly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you guys like it! Let me know in a comment! :)


	34. Strange Friendships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a team effort, but some progress is made with Tanya.

April is the only one out of the Bunghole Defence kids to come to school on the Friday. It would seem that dying and being resurrected has done little to deter her steadfastly positive attitude. Well, perhaps positive is the wrong word, given that she is definitely more somber than usual (understandable when two of her friends lost a parent only two days ago), but she's here at school and pushing onwards anyway.

After maths class ends, April lingers at Kalei's desk until all the other students are gone.

"How's everyone on your end?" she asks. "Charlie and I have been texting a little, but-"

"He's having a hard time, but he's getting there, I think," Kalei says. "He'll be okay. He has Matteusz."

"And what about Quill?"

"Quill's absolutely fine, all things considered. How's Ram?"

April's eyes are sad. "He's having a really tough time. Telling his mum was hard. But they have each other now, which is good. I just wish I knew how Tanya was doing - she's not replying to my texts. Or Ram's, even."

"... why don't you give her number to me?" Kalei asks. "She and Quill seem to have… bonded. She might reply to her, or me."

"Good idea." April gets out her phone and reads the number out so Kalei can type it in. "Do you really think she'll talk to Quill? Do you really think Quill will listen?"

"I think she views Tanya as one of her own, now," Kalei says. "So yes, she'll listen. She'll still be Quill-ish about it, but she does care."

April smiles. "I knew she couldn't be all bad."

"I think bad is the wrong word."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Well, let me know if I can help. I'll give you my number, too."

"I will let you know. Thank you. And tell Ram I'm sorry to hear about his father. I never really got the chance to tell him, and I want him to know that even though we've not talked much before outside of class, I'm here for him as much as I am for any of the others."

April nods, eyes warm. "I will, Miss Jacobs. Thank you."

"Are _you_ okay, April?" Kalei asks, getting up from her chair and moving around the desk. "You died. You… you really scared me, there. I thought I had another Clara on my hands."

"I'm sorry," April says. "I had to do what I did, though. Corakinus had to die, which meant that _I_ had to."

"I just… what actually happened?"

"Corakinus had commanded the Shadowkin to live in our shadows, so we had to overthrow the king to change the king's command," April explains, biting her lip. "I… Charlie had the gun. We had to kill Corakinus so… Charlie shot me."

"Charlie shot you?!" Kalei asks with horror and disbelief.

"I had to practically beg him," April says quietly. "But he knew there wasn't another way."

Kalei feels ill and leans against her desk for support. These kids, these teenagers, they've been through so much, and all this time she's had no idea.

"I'm sorry," April says again.

"You don't owe me an apology," Kalei says, frowning slightly. "I just… wanted you to know that I'm _so_ glad you got another chance, because what you did was incredible. I just wish it had never come to that. I was… I don't think I could have lost you too."

"Thanks," April says, still chewing on her lip. Her hands twitch in Kalei's direction for a moment, before she properly reaches out, and then they're hugging. It's a relief for Kalei to be able to hold the girl whose motionless body she had seen lying on the auditorium floor.

April is real, here, and alive.

"How does it feel?" Kalei asks when they pull apart. "Having your heart back?"

"Weird," April admits, with a bashful smile, "but good. It's like I'd… forgotten. What it meant to be whole, you know? Until I was, again, and could tell the difference. I dunno."

"Well, I'm glad."

April nods. "I need to get to English."

"Of course. I'll see you later, April."

* * *

 **Zombie Apocalypse Enthusiast:** _I'm sending you Tanya's phone number. Can you see if she's okay?_

 **Sometimes Andy:** _...how the hell am I meant to start THAT conversation? I'm not a child coddler, Kalei._

 **Zombie Apocalypse Enthusiast:** _You were a war strategist, I'm sure you can work something out. Plus… you're literally having a baby soon. You need to learn._

* * *

 **[Unknown Number]:** _If you need a change of scenery, my door's open to you. - Quill_

[create new contact: The Competent One]

 **The Competent One:** _Thanks, but I don't know if I want to see Charlie just yet. Things are still… you know. Not okay. Weird._

[create new contact: High-Heeled Arse-Kicker]

* * *

 **Sometimes Andy:** _She doesn't want to see Charlie, and you don't want me to leave the house. So now what?_

 **Zombie Apocalypse Enthusiast:** _I have an idea. Give me a second._

* * *

 **[Unknown Number]:** _Hey, it's Kalei/Miss Jacobs. Is there any way you'd be able to get Charlie and Matteusz out of the house for a bit? Tanya doesn't want to see Charlie, but it sounds like she might be open to seeing Quill otherwise._

[create new contact: All Heart]

 **All Heart:** _I'm on it._

[create new contact: Nice Is Not Weak]

 **Nice Is Not Weak:** _Thanks!_

* * *

 **Zombie Apocalypse Enthusiast:** _okay, so April is going to invite the boys out for a walk/food/whatever it is that kids do these days. If Tanya likes, I could give her a lift to yours after school, if you know her address or can get it off her?_

 **Sometimes Andy:** _she says 'ok'_

 **Zombie Apocalypse Enthusiast:** _woo for teamwork!_

 **Sometimes Andy:** _imagine I'm gagging_

* * *

Kalei pulls up outside the address Quill had given her and honks to let Tanya know she's outside. While she waits, she stares at the text and frowns. 'Sometimes Andy' isn't nearly as funny as she remembers thinking it was. She ponders what to change it to before smirking.

[edit contact: Sometimes Andy]

[contact: Questionable Decision #19]

A knock on the car window gets Kalei's attention, and she chuckles at her own joke before looking up to smile at Tanya, who gets into Kalei's passenger seat.

"Hey," Tanya says, with a little smile. It's tired, and sad, but it's there.

"Hey," Kalei replies, smiling back. "I was thinking we could stop and grab some food on the way. Make Quill slightly less… Quill-ish."

Tanya grins. "Yeah, okay."

After a quick detour, Tanya and Kalei waltz into Quill's house with paper bags filled with pastries and a couple of slices of cake in a box. Sure enough, when Quill sees them, her eyebrows lift while her eyes spark.

"Is that-"

"Food, of course," Kalei says, smiling. "Chocolate food, even, in some cases."

"Have I mentioned that you're my favourite person on this entire planet?" Quill asks as she approaches Kalei and takes a couple of the paper bags from her, so that she can examine the contents, but not before kissing her briefly in greeting and thanks.

Kalei grins as she puts the rest of the bags on the dining table. "Once or twice. But it can bear repeating."

"Don't go fishing for praise, Kalei, it makes you look needy," Quill says through a bite of apple turnover.

"Oh, I'm sorry, this coming from _you_?" Kalei asks incredulously, crossing her arms as her eyebrows nearly disappear into her hairline. "Need I remind you how _you_ react to compliments?"

Quill flushes, and Tanya frowns with what Kalei _really_ hopes is confusion.

"Fair point," the blonde mutters.

"This is weirder than I thought it would be," Tanya says, making them both turn to look at her.

"Weird how?" Quill asks.

Tanya shrugs. "I dunno. It's like… I _knew_ you were a couple, I've known for longer than anyone else, I guess, because I worked it out. But I've never actually _seen_ you acting all, you know, couple-ish. Together."

"It's almost like we were trying to keep it a secret, or something," Quill says wryly, before taking another large bite of turnover.

"...okay, good point, but you know what I mean," Tanya replies.

"Maybe. Look, is anyone else having this food? Not that I'm adverse to eating it all, quite the opposite-"

Kalei and Tanya join Quill at the table, and for a short while the three of them eat in comfortable silence. Well, it would be silence, if Quill weren't such a horrific eater, gnawing and chewing like a cavewoman.

"Does she always eat like this?" Tanya asks Kalei, horrified.

"Yep," Kalei says, sighing.

"What's wrong with the way I eat?" Quill asks indignantly.

Kalei smiles fondly and reaches out to put her hand on Quill's thigh. "Quill, I-" She stops short, before she can take that sentence anywhere it absolutely should not go. "You know I think you're… great. But seriously, take smaller bites and eat with your mouth shut, which means no talking while you chew. It's not that hard, and it makes the world of difference."

Quill narrows her eyes. For a moment, Kalei is sure that she is going to continue chewing loudly out of sheer spite. Then, to both Kalei's and Tanya's amazement, Quill tears off a smaller chunk of croissant, before tossing it in her mouth and chewing with her mouth shut.

"There," she says, gesturing to her mouth. "Happy?"

"Two out of three? I'll take it," Kalei replies.

"You're lucky you're cute, Jacobs."

"She… actually listens to you," Tanya says with amazement. "Do you… do you even realise how rare that is? She never listens to anyone."

"Hey, I listened to _you_ , didn't I?" Quill says. "It might come as a shock, Tanya, but I do actually _mostly_ pay attention when _you're_ speaking. Not so much the others, but you, yeah."

Tanya flushes. "Oh. Cool. Thanks, I guess?"

They fall back into silence.

"So, uh, Mum's funeral is next Saturday," Tanya says eventually, without looking up from her plate. Her face is careful, guarded. "I was - I mean - I was wondering if you - well, both of you guys, I guess - would… come, maybe. But only if you want to-"

"What would that achieve?" Quill asks.

"Andy!" Kalei says, horrified.

"What? It's not sarcasm, I'm asking!"

"Nevermind, don't worry about it," Tanya mumbles.

"It's about support, Quill," Kalei tells her girlfriend, trying very hard and mostly failing at keeping her exasperation under control. "Funerals are hard. They're fractionally less awful when you have people there to give you emotional support."

"Alright," Quill says, before taking on a tone of annoyance. "That's all I wanted to know. That's literally all I was asking. I don't know the customs here, remember? These days I might talk like a human and fuck like a human, but I'm still not a human, and I don't know this stuff. I'm actually trying, here."

"I know," Tanya and Kalei say at the same time, and they share a smile while Quill nods.

"Good. What's the etiquette for funerals, anyway? My people would just be buried where they fell."

Tanya swallows. "I dunno. You wear black. You're… serious and respectful, I guess. You try and find things to laugh about though, things the person did or said."

"I've never really lost anyone close to me," Kalei admits. "My grandfather died when I was only three, and everyone else - I'm just realising I don't have any real idea what you're going through, when the funeral that effected me the most was Clara Oswald's, and we weren't even really friends. I'm sorry."

Tanya lifts an eyebrow. "Not your fault."

"Well, I know what you're going through. And it's shit," Quill says frankly. "It's the worst thing in the entire universe, with the possible exception of having someone controlling a creature in your brain that will kill you if you make a wrong move. But even then..."

Tanya tears a donut apart with her fingers but doesn't eat it. "I don't suppose you guys… know how Ram's doing?"

"Why don't you ask _him_?"

"I dunno, I just… haven't wanted to see anyone. I don't know what to say. After detention, we were all so-"

"Yes, what actually _happened_ in detention?" Quill asks, frowning. "'Cos I got back to find one mysterious aggressive light trying to suck Charles into it. How did you manage to get into trouble in forty-five minutes, in a closed room?"

"We opened the door, because Charlie was getting claustrophobic, and it must have been some killer timing, because this meteor came through the tear and flew inside the classroom. It quite literally knocked us out of time and space."

"Oh god, can that actually happen?" Kalei asks, horrified.

"Not easily," Quill replies. "But of course, if anyone could manage it by accident, this lot could."

"It wasn't _us_ ," Tanya says defensively. "But anyway, this meteor thing, like, forced us to tell the truth. It made us confess things."

"Oh, is _that_ how you knew Charlie wanted to use the Cabinet?" Quill lifts her eyebrows, fascinated. "I did think that he was far too self-righteous to admit to it of his own volition."

"And these things you confessed, they're what caused these problems?" Kalei asks.

Tanya nods. Her jaw is tight. "Matteusz was first. He said he was afraid of Charlie. And then - and then I said that I didn't feel like the group were really my friends, that I feel like the kid sister, like I always do." She rests her chin on her hands, which are planted on the table.

"I'm sure that's not how they see you," Kalei says gently, reaching out to touch her arm.

"Well, that's what it feels like," Tanya mumbles. "That's what it always feels like. But, I dunno, it doesn't seem important now. Ram told April he was in love with her, and she said how she didn't love him as much as he loved her, and didn't trust his feelings or her own. It...wasn't good."

"They seem okay, now," Kalei says.

Tanya shrugs. "I guess April changed her mind or something. I dunno."

Quill regards Tanya carefully. "And Charles?"

"He confessed without the rock," Tanya says, biting her lip. "About how he wanted to kill the Shadowkin. And that Matteusz was the only reason he didn't, and that it made him resent Matteusz sometimes."

Quill's eyebrows lift again.

"But it wasn't just a rock. It was a prison, a space prison, where they'd forced the prisoners to confess over and over, that's why it was making _us_ do it too. I worked out that if it was making us tell the truth, we could use it to learn what was going on. I got them to ask me questions when I held it. It worked."

"Clever," Quill says.

"That's why we kept doing it, even though we knew it was dangerous. And we were all angry, it was making us want to fight with each other. We might have torn each other apart if… if Charlie hadn't stopped us. It didn't effect him in the same way."

"How did you get out? You were knocked out of space and time, but when I returned, you were back in the classroom."

"It was Charlie," Tanya says quietly. "I dunno. He said the prisoner was looking for someone to replace him. Someone guiltier."

"But at that point, Charlie hadn't killed the Shadowkin," Kalei replies, confused. "The only thing he should have felt guilty about was what he was doing to Quill, but we know he didn't."

Quill is thoughtful, but finally her eyes spark, and she lets out a dry chuckle. "Of course. It's their philosophy. The Rhodians. A wish is the same as an action. Utter nonsense, of course, but that's what he believed. Up until a couple of days ago, at least. He wanted to kill the Shadowkin, so as far as he was concerned, that made him as guilty as someone who had actually committed genocide."

"Wait, but - that explains so much," Kalei says, eyes wide. "He wasn't intentionally hurting you, he wasn't wishing to make you miserable, and _that's_ why he was so stubborn about it. Because that means it would have been, what, impossible for him to consider that he was? Impossible for him to think that he could be doing wrong, without meaning to?"

Quill stares at her for a moment. "You know, sometimes I forget how clever you are." Kalei flushes a little at the praise. "You know, for a human, I mean. I'd already worked as much out for myself, of course, it just doesn't excuse any of it as far as I'm concerned. Wilful ignorance on that level is _worse_."

Mildly disgruntled by the 'human' comment, Kalei frowns and says nothing.

Quill turns back to Tanya. "So what did I shoot, then?"

"The prison," Tanya says. "Charlie killed the old prisoner, so it was trying to take him instead."

"Huh. You know, he never even said thank you. Too worried about my gun. Vaguely ridiculous, given that I collapsed not long afterward."

There's a brief pause.

"So, yeah," Tanya says awkwardly, fiddling with her hands. "That's what happened. That's why things are so weird, still. I know maybe we should have bonded together again over the whole 'almost the end of the world thing,' but it all happened so fast-"

"Look, do you want to be friends with them again, or not?" Quill asks with great frustration. Kalei shoots her a warning look, but the blonde isn't looking at her.

Tanya frowns. "Well, it's not that simple-"

"Yes, it is, it _is_ that simple," Quill tells her, jabbing her finger in the girl's direction. "Either you do, or you don't. If you do, you start with the one you hate the least after detention, and you phone them or text them or whatever, until it's sorted out. Grieving is one thing, but moping about friendships that can be repaired is something I don't have the patience for."

"Quill-" Kalei tries to say, with disapproval.

"And what if I don't want to be their friends?" Tanya asks fiercely.

"And what if I was actually a large blue unicorn with rainbows shooting out of my arse?" Quill retorts. "Let's not waste time with pointless questions. Of course you want to be friends. You lot all just want to cuddle up together in a pile of teenage silliness and tell each other how wonderful you all are. And I can spot a liar a mile away."

"Except for when Charlie lied about the Cabinet," Tanya says.

"That was different," Quill snaps.

"Why?"

"Because he's a nefarious little shit, when he wants to be," Quill replies, narrowing her eyes, "and you're just a regular, slightly above average intelligence, slightly less irritating than the average, little shit."

Tanya opens her mouth to argue, and then shuts it again, sinking back into her chair and crossing her arms.

"So… I should text Ram, then?" she asks slowly.

"Well, you're the only one who can really understand what he's going through right now," Kalei points out. "And if you were friends before, I'm sure he'd love to hear from you."

"I dunno. I guess we were. He was - he was so mad when I picked up the meteor, because it was dangerous," Tanya murmurs. "I guess it was because he… cared, or something."

"Goddess, can you just text him and get this over with?" Quill groans. "Stop prolonging the inevitable."

"Okay, okay, god," Tanya says, rolling her eyes and huffing. She gets out her phone and taps out a quick text.

Immediately, her body language relaxes some, and the weight off her shoulders is visible. A small, tentative, but undeniably genuine smile spreads across her lips.

"So, Quill and I were going to watch _The Phantom Menace_ ," Kalei says, changing the subject. "Did you want to join us?" she hesitates. "Wait, you're not one of those people who thinks the prequels should be erased from history, right?"

"No, I'm not," Tanya says, with a little smirk of amusement. " _Phantom Menace_ has the pod race. Which is awesome. Plus, Liam Neeson, and really young Natalie Portman. I'd love to watch it with you guys."

Kalei breathes a sigh of relief. Soon, the three of them are on Quill's couch with chocolate, watching the opening paragraphs scroll through space.

"I forgot how attractive I find Liam Neeson in this movie," Kalei murmurs about three minutes in.

Tanya snorts. "Seriously? The long hair and beard does it for you?"

"He has a very nice voice," Kalei says defensively.

Quill shrugs. "I'd go there."

"See? Quill gets it."

"Well, clearly I just have better taste," Tanya says, smirking. Despite her words, Kalei doesn't think she seems overly interested in young Ewan McGregor either, but then it's not like she knows anything about Tanya's celebrity crushes or how she tends to react to them. Also, it's not really any of her business, anyway, despite all of the lines of professionalism being blurred with a lot of these kids these days.

"I want a laser sword," Quill says wistfully, after a while.

"No," Kalei says at the exact moment Tanya says, "Yes."

Quill smirks and they fall back into silence, Kalei pretending not to hear Tanya muttering _I just want to see what she'd do with one_.

"Oh, it's R2D2!" Quill says a bit later, sitting up a bit straighter when the blue and white droid appears onscreen. "I like this. How you see all the pieces coming together, how they all met. It's very interesting."

"I'm glad. I thought you might find these ones boring, what with the lack of rebellion and all."

"It's not _as_ good, but this is all obviously going to turn to complete shit, and I'm immensely curious as to how that happens."

Later, when Padme has been properly introduced, Tanya says, "Did you know that Natalie Portman skipped the premiere of this movie because she had to study for her exams?"

"Yes, I did," Kalei says, smiling.

"Me and my mum always liked that about her."

"She had the right idea about a lot of things, your mum," Quill says through a mouthful of chocolate.

Tanya lifts an eyebrow. "How you would you know?"

"We had a good little chat on parent's evening." Quill shrugs. "Besides, she made and raised you, didn't she? I'd say that's a job reasonably well done."

Kalei can't be sure, what with the dimmed lights, but she thinks she can see tears on Tanya's cheeks. The way Tanya has curled up in the other corner of the couch makes her think that the best move is to pretend not to notice and go back to watching the movie. By the time the pod race part is done, Tanya seems to be in brighter spirits again, albeit quietly.

Kalei isn't sure how long April is keeping Charlie and Matteusz out of the house, but whatever the girl's plan is, it's working, because they get through the entirety of the movie.

Finally, the credits roll.

"I guess I should get home," Tanya says reluctantly. "I'll text Damon to come and pick me up."

"Are you sure you don't want me to drop you off?" Kalei offers.

"Nah, you brought me here, it's fine. Damon can walk me back, it'll be good for him to get some fresh air anyway," Tanya insists, getting out her phone and sending a quick text. "Oh, hey, Ram's replied."

"Everything alright?" Kalei asks.

"Yeah, I asked if he wanted to game with me later tonight, and he says he's keen. So I guess I know what I'm doing when I get home."

"That's great," Kalei says, smiling.

"Kalei, can you bring me coffee?" Quill asks, eyes flicking to the kitchen longingly.

"By which you mean, can I bring you decaf?"

"...fine."

"I can get it, you two stay there," Tanya says, and hops up before Kalei can argue.

Kalei leans her head on Quill's shoulder, shuts her eyes, and settles back in, content and comfortable with her legs curled up underneath her. Quill's arm is around Kalei's shoulders and is absently playing with a curl of her hair.

"I liked that Darth Maul. He looked a little bit like a Quill," Quill says. "And I liked his lightsaber."

"I thought you might," Kalei says, smiling.

"Can we watch the next one? There is a next one, right?"

"As a warning, you're going to want to punch Anakin in the face for the majority of the next movie," Kalei laughs. "But sure."

"But I mean, that's kind of half the fun, isn't it?" Tanya asks from the kitchen. "Oh, also, I totally forgot with how crazy all this alien stuff has been, but that new movie's coming out next week! You know, _Rogue One_ , the one about how they got the Death Star plans?"

"I know, my dad and I have tickets to the midnight premiere because we're giant nerds," Kalei calls back.

"Same with my family." The excitement fades from Tanya's voice. "I guess we have a spare ticket now."

"You know, I think Matteusz might like Star Wars. You could always see if he wants to go with you instead," Quill suggests, and Kalei winces. "Or...would him taking your mum's ticket be weird?"

Tanya takes a while to answer, and uncertainty and guilt are rife in her voice when she does. "Yeah, I dunno. Plus, I feel bad, when we were all getting angry at him I called him a big Polish giraffe, and he got pretty offended."

Quill snorts loudly. "I'm sure he'll have gotten over it. His heart's too damn big, it makes this city look small."

"Yeah, fair point." Soon, Tanya is returning with Quill's mug of decaf.

"Thanks," Quill says as she takes it.

Tanya sits back down on the end of the couch that isn't occupied by their cuddling, smiling faintly at the sight of them before her gaze settles back on Quill. "So, are you going to keep training me to fight?"

"If you still want to learn, then definitely," Quill says. "I could use a soldier." Her eyes spark. "Or a padawan."

Tanya rolls her eyes. "Oh my god."

"That's adorable," Kalei says. "But I think any fighting should wait until after the baby is born." Tanya looks disappointed, but nods. Quill is not so understanding.

"Do I need to remind you that I fought an entire horde of Shadowkin like this?" Quill asks indignantly.

Kalei frowns. "I'd rather you _didn't_ remind me. _Or_ fight an entire horde of Shadowkin, at the moment." Quill just rolls her eyes and gets out her phone. When Kalei glances at the screen, she has to chuckle at what Quill is doing.

[edit contact: The Competent One]

[contact: Padawan]

"Careful, she might start thinking you care," Kalei jokes, and when Tanya gives her a curious look, explains, "She's just changed your name in her phone to _Padawan_. It used to be _The Competent One_."

Tanya grins. "Okay, yeah, I'll _happily_ take that."

"What did you call me in _your_ phone?"

" _High-Heeled Arse-Kicker._ What else?"

Quill smirks. "Yes, that'll do nicely. I approve."

Tanya glances between them, curious, but wary. "So, do I want to know what you two have each other as?"

"She's _Questionable Decision #19_ ," Kalei says, dryly.

Quill snorts at that and looks oddly delighted. "Am I really? You realise that I'm now endlessly curious as to what the first eighteen were?"

"Well, you'll have to be very good if you want me to divulge those."

"Ah, I'm not much good at that."

"I don't know. You have your moments."

"My god, how did no one else realise you were a couple, when you flirt like this?" Tanya asks, making a face and laughing strangely. "Seriously, is the rest of the school just blind?"

"Well, the whole school knows now."

"Wait, how?" Tanya asks.

Kalei feels her cheeks start burning and makes a sheepish face before burying it in Quill's shoulder. "I wore Quill's clothes to school. People noticed. It was a nightmare, and now everyone is talking about my sex life, it's great."

Quill just shrugs. "Better they find out sooner than later, I figure. Then they can be over it by the time I get back to teaching."

"Fair enough."

Tanya checks her phone. "Okay, Damon says he's almost here. I'll see you guys later, then. I'll be at school on Monday, Miss Jacobs."

"I think when we're outside of school, you can call me Kalei."

"Kalei," Tanya tests, and smiles shyly. "That's weird. Really weird."

"You don't have to," Kalei is quick to say.

"Nah, it's cool. I'll get used to it."

Tanya gets up, and so does Kalei, much to Quill's vocal dismay. The two humans hug briefly, before the younger of the two pulls away to look between her two teachers and give them a minute smile.

"Thanks. For, you know. This."

"Anytime. You're my padawan," Quill says seriously.

Tanya laughs. "Yeah. Okay. Sounds good to me." She bids them both goodbye and heads for the door, leaving them alone.

"So, can we watch the next movie now?"

Charlie and Matteusz come into the lounge about twenty minutes into _Attack of the Clones_. It turns out that April had taken them out to a movie at the cinema, and then they'd all grabbed dinner afterwards.

"Do you want to join us?" Kalei suggests.

"Yes, please," Matteusz says, flopping onto the couch next to Kalei.

Charlie is staring at the TV screen, uncomprehending, but interested. "He's very attractive."

"That's Anakin. He's a whiny fuck that somehow reminds me of both you _and_ myself, simultaneously," Quill tells him. "Which is probably why Kalei wants to punch him in the face so much."

Kalei is astonished, and laughs. "That really does explain everything."

"Hey," Charlie says, indignantly.

"Do not worry, just come and watch movie," Matteusz says to him, with a gentle smile and light roll of his eyes. "If you sit on floor in front of me, I can play with your hair and rub your head."

Charlie considers this. "Alright." He sits down.

Matteusz begins talking, even as his hands slip into Charlie's hair. "Now, this is _Attack of the Clones_. This man with beard is Obi-Wan. He is my favourite. This Anakin is his padawan. His student. The lady with the very nice outfits is Padme. She is my other favourite, and people are trying to kill her, so she has been assigned these two as protection…"

Kalei snuggles into Quill and lets herself get comfortable. Star Wars, Quill, chocolate, and the two teenage boys that are steadily growing on her. How else could she want to spend her Friday evening?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea of Charlie looking at Anakin and being like "oooooh he hot" endlessly amuses me for some reason. Also, Marlie hair stroking. I love my good soft boys.


	35. Somewhere New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill and Kalei escape to Brighton for the weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff warning: this chapter will make you feel soft gay things.

It's amusing to watch Quill go through the stages of becoming immensely frustrated with Anakin Skywalker and his actions. The blonde actually cheers when he starts burning up from the lava.

"Ah, so _that's_ why he needed life support," she says, chuckling. Kalei isn't sure whether to be proud or possibly concerned. But then, the guy really did have it coming.

Once the movie is done, Kalei allows herself to be convinced into staying the night again - though this time, on purpose - and she borrows some pyjamas from Quill, before curling up in bed next to her.

"It's weird, doing this without the sex beforehand," Quill muses.

"Right, and the you-being-pregnant-part has nothing to do with the weirdness."

"You know what I mean."

Kalei laughs. "I do. Though exactly what that says about us, I've no idea."

* * *

Their Saturday morning is lazy beyond belief, laying in bed until almost eleven, and only finally getting up because Quill is ravenous. Over breakfast, Kalei brings up a possible plan for the day.

"I was thinking we could go shopping, for some maternity clothes for you," she says. "You must be running out of clothes that fit."

"Yes, I am," Quill says, frowning. "But I thought I wasn't allowed outside of the house?"

"Well, that's mainly because we're worried about people who know you seeing that you're pregnant," Kalei replies. "Why don't we go for a drive, somewhere out of London, where we can go shopping and just… be outside, and ourselves, and not worry about students or parents or any of that?"

"I've never been outside of London," Quill says thoughtfully. "That could be… good."

"Yeah?"

"Where would we go?"

"Why don't you decide?"

Quill gets out her phone and does a few quick google searches. "Hmm. What about Brighton?" When Kalei laughs, she looks at her with confusion. "What?"

"You just chose the unofficial gay capital of the UK," Kalei says, grinning. "But sure, Brighton works for me. That's about a two hour drive, I think?"

Quill taps at her phone keyboard. "Yep, one hour and fifty nine minutes, according to Google. Or up to two hours and eighteen minutes, depending on which highway we take."

"Close enough. You know, we could even stay there for a night."

"Come again?"

"You know, we could find a hotel, get a room, make a weekend out of it. Given that we're not going to be there until at least probably three o'clock, by the time we get out of here and stop in at mine to feed Xenophilius and grab some clothes for me. I mean, it's winter, so the beach won't be much of a go, but it might still be nice to have the change of scenery."

"You mean, spend a whole weekend away from the teenagers?" Quill asks, lifting an eyebrow. "Remind me why we're not already in your car?"

Kalei grins. "Well, like I say, we do still need to stop in and feed Xenophilius first."

"Oh no, how awful that we'll have to stop and see the cat that I'm remarkable fond of. Truly terrible," Quill says sarcastically as they head back to her bedroom to start getting dressed.

Kalei averts her eyes the moment Quill starts taking her pyjamas off, which she knows is ridiculous, but she just isn't ready to see Quill's body the way it is without the covering of clothes. It's still too strange. Too raw, somehow. She might be okay with all this in theory, but some parts of it are never going to be comfortable, and this is one of them.

Within twenty minutes, Quill's overnight bag is packed, and they're out the door and in Kalei's car driving to her apartment. Once inside, Xenophilius greets them with loud meows and Quill is quick to pick him up and pet him, while Kalei kisses the top of his head and nuzzles it.

"I'll get my bag packed, and make us some sandwiches for the drive," Kalei says.

Quill, naturally, is happy enough to just sit on the couch and pet the cat.

Twenty minutes later, they say goodbye to Xenophilius and head back to the car, with clothes, toiletries, and sandwiches packed. Kalei picks the music, since Quill is still wanting to absorb as much human culture as possible.

The conversation mainly consists of Quill asking various questions about whatever song might be playing and the artist performing it, and Kalei providing as much explanation as she can. They also end up having a rather in-depth discussion about Star Wars. Quill plows through the sandwiches at a frightening pace, only to pause once she's consumed half of them.

"You can have more, Andy," Kalei says, spotting the look of longing on Quill's face as she eyes the remaining sandwiches.

"How many do you need?"

Not want. Need. There's something so serious about the way that Quill asks. It takes Kalei a few seconds to work out why - Quill grew up never having enough of anything, fought in a war where food had sometimes been even more scarce.

"Hunger scares you, doesn't it?" Kalei asks. "Or, I don't know. You take food seriously. The idea of having enough food."

"Of course. Starvation is the worst possible way to die."

Kalei isn't sure she agrees with that, but Quill sounds unwavering in her opinion and Kalei isn't about to argue. "That's why you eat like you do."

"If you were slow, you lost the food, among my people," Quill says. "When I was younger, anyway. When I was the commander, I had to ensure we all got the food we needed, that half of our army didn't collapse because the others had been too greedy."

"One sandwich will be enough for me," Kalei tells her, with a gentle smile. "You can have the other two."

Quill narrows her eyes, looks at the remaining three sandwiches and then back at Kalei, and tears one of the sandwiches in two so that she can eat one and a half, while leaving the same again for Kalei.

It's one of the strangest, smallest, sweetest things that Kalei can ever remember Quill doing. She has to bite her lip to hide her sappy smile.

* * *

Once in Brighton, it takes a couple of tries to find a hotel that has a free room they'll instantly give up, but they eventually do. Quill insists on paying, and once in the lift she explains to Kalei that the Doctor had left her and Charlie a rather obscene amount of money when he dropped them on Earth, and that Kalei should generally just let Quill pay for everything.

It feels a bit strange, but Kalei can't _not_ agree to that.

"Ooh, this is nice," Kalei says, when they come into the room. "Nothing five star, of course, but nice."

"In my experience, anything with a roof and four walls is decent enough," Quill says wryly. "The big bed and television set are just nice bonuses."

"I forget who I'm talking to, sometimes."

"Best part: no teenagers," Quill says as she falls back onto the bed. "No Charles, or overly reasonable Polish bullshit."

Kalei lies down next to her and looks at her with a fond smile. "So, good idea, then?"

"Very good idea."

"How are you feeling? About everything with Charlie?"

"Honestly?" Quill asks, turning to look at her, eyes guarded. Kalei nods. "I have no fucking idea. I'm feeling something. And it's almost as strong as everything ever was with him. But I don't know what. I don't know if I still hate him, if I want to hurt him, or if, goddess forbid, I actually sympathise with him and want him to feel better."

"It's an immensely complicated situation," Kalei says. "It's okay to not know how to feel about it."

"I don't like it. How am I supposed to have _conviction_ if I don't know what I'm feeling?"

Kalei kisses her gently. "You'll work it out, Andy. Don't worry."

Quill reaches out and lets her hand trail across Kalei's hair, her finger catching a curl and twisting it around her finger, before her eyes move back to Kalei's face. "Well, at least I know what I'm feeling about some things," she says, leaning in to kiss Kalei, who gets distracted by the kiss before she can really consider the implication of Quill's words.

There's something so… leisurely, about it. Just kissing and kissing and kissing, with no deadlines or teenagers or hostile aliens to worry about. Just them, in a little bubble.

"Oh," Quill gasps, breaking the kiss to touch her stomach.

Well, them and the baby.

"Everything okay?" Kalei asks with faint concern.

"Fine," Quill says, a strange smile curling the edge of her lips. "Her strength continues to impress me, is all. But then, I suppose she has it from both sides." She hesitates. "She's still kicking. Do you… want to feel? That's a thing you humans like to do, isn't it?"

Kalei swallows. Part of her does - she's always loved doing so in the past, with other pregnant women she's known - while another part of her that is still in faint denial about the pregnancy, immediately screams ' _no!'_ at the very thought.

"Okay," she says eventually, with every bit of bravery she has.

Quill sits up, and so Kalei does too, and then Quill takes Kalei's hand and gently presses it to the side of her stomach. Immediately she feels the little thing kick against her hand, like a kind of greeting.

An odd laugh escapes Kalei. "Wow, you weren't kidding."

She looks up to find Quill watching her with a strangely soft, vulnerable expression. Kalei isn't quite sure what to do, or feel, in this moment, so she just kisses her instead.

The baby kicks again.

"That's right, little one," Quill chuckles. "This is Kalei. She's my favourite human. Well, favourite person. Which isn't saying much, but still. I get the feeling she's going to be your favourite human, too."

"Come on. Let's go and find some clothes that accommodate this little revolutionary to be," Kalei says, when she feels unexpected emotion choke her, getting up and putting her coat back on.

Quill grins as she gets up and does the same. "Which government is she going to overthrow?"

"Theresa May's, if no one else has done so already," Kalei replies without missing a beat. "Or at least, we can hope."

* * *

Unsurprisingly, maternity shopping with Quill is not the easiest of ventures.

Quill is wearing the same dress and high heels she had worn the day of the Shadowkin attack and eradication, which already makes her one of the best dressed pregnant women these shop owners have likely ever seen.

Although, the shopping centre having a maternity store, _Mothercare,_ is certainly a stroke of luck.

"Why is it all _floral_?" Quill growls. "I'm not you. I need black."

Kalei's palm meets her face with exasperation. "Would it _kill_ you to wear colours?"

"Quite possibly."

Thankfully, they eventually find a couple of dresses, black and navy, that are simple, but stylish, in design, and drape nicely around Quill's frame. Then a pair of dark maternity jeans, and a few nice flowy tops that aren't too cheerful in colour scheme or pattern.

"That'll be enough," Quill says. "With any luck, this thing will be out of me in two weeks, and I won't be dead for it."

The nearby shopping assistant glances at them with vague concern.

"You have a good _Doctor_ , remember," Kalei says, impatiently, "so there won't be any more talk of dying on this trip."

"Fine," Quill mutters.

They finally end up at the counter, where the shop worker tries to entice them with some babywear, only to be met with Quill's unimpressed scowl.

"Why are you only offering me pink options for girls and blue options for boys?" Quill asks. "Is this part of that ridiculous gender role bullshit? You do realise that an infant isn't going to give a rat's arse about any of this? Infants are concerned with sleeping, eating, and shitting. I know that, and I'm not even an expert. I'm about as far from as an expert as one can get. It's just common sense."

The shop worker, who is in her fifties and according to her nametag called Karen, opens and shuts her mouth several times, looking both affronted and rather embarrassed.

Kalei is torn between mortification and laughter, and ends up exhibiting a strong mix of the two, laughing while her cheeks flush red.

"I'm sorry," Kalei says to Karen, putting her hand on Quill's arm and giving her a reprimanding look. "Passionate feminist, you know? And I mean, me too, but she gets intense and forgets to be polite."

"Politeness is for civilians and bureaucrats," Quill says.

Kalei mouths 'ex-military' to Karen, who has by this point mostly recovered from Quill's outburst and just nods with understanding.

"Well, yellow is a nice gender neutral colour," Karen tries to say, as she finishes scanning Quill's items.

"Terrible colour, wish I could wipe it from existence," Quill replies automatically, and Karen's face falls.

"Andy, be nice."

"No. You don't currently have sexual privileges to revoke, so you have absolutely no significant cards to play here," Quill says, while pretending to not notice Karen turning a strange shade of purple and dropping one of the items. "Once we're having sex again, _then_ you can try regulating my behaviour."

Kalei wants to scream. Or die of embarrassment. As it is, she just stares at Quill with exasperation. "That's not how this works, Andy! I don't want to _regulate_ you, I just want you to treat people with some common decency."

"I do, when they've earned it."

"It's not about _earning_ it-"

"Ahem."

They turn to see Karen, looking incredibly awkward and as though she'd rather be anywhere but behind this particular counter, with this particular pair of customers.

"That'll be £110," she says.

Quill nods and pays, without another word. Karen is all too happy to shove the bags towards them, and Kalei mumbles an apology before they make their way out of the store, each carrying one bag.

"I really can't take you anywhere, can I?"

"Look, it's not my fault that your society puts an obscene amount of energy into maintaining these ridiculous gendered objects, colours, and stereotypes," Quill says. "I'm not about to stand for that nonsense. Not when it's a society that my child is being born into."

Kalei feels her annoyance fade. "Okay. That's… a fair point, actually. I can't be mad when I actually agree."

"Good."

"But seriously, can you just… try to be less awful to strangers?"

"Why? They haven't earned my being nice to them."

"... I need to pick my battles here, don't I?"

"Probably a wise strategy." There's an amused curl to Quill's lips, and when Kalei just sighs and rolls her eyes, Quill nudges her shoulder against Kalei's. "Take it from me, I'm an expert on strategy, remember?"

"An expert at being a stubborn arse, maybe," Kalei retorts.

Quill chuckles. "Yeah, that too." There's an inherent pride in her voice. Of course.

"Now, if we were to go out to a restaurant, would you be able to promise me to eat with your mouth closed? And with utensils?"

"Is it absolutely necessary?"

"Yes. Restaurants value manners and _class_. Not observing etiquette could get us thrown out." It's embellishing the truth, a little, but not in any way that Kalei feels bad about.

"...fine. I could probably manage that."

"Thank you. The food will make it worth it."

"It better."

They head back to the hotel, where Kalei finds a restaurant on her phone and calls to make a reservation, and Quill picks one of her dresses - the navy one - for dinner. The blonde eyes herself in the mirror, hands on her stomach.

"Looks good on you," Kalei says, smiling from the ensuite doorway, having finished with her makeup, but for her lipstick.

"I know," Quill replies, smirking. "Still adjusting, is all. Though, all things considered, I think I'm adjusting fairly well."

"You're taking a surprise late-term pregnancy better than I'd expect _anyone_ to, let alone _you_ ," Kalei agrees. "But then, you're not exactly one for conventional reactions to anything."

"Thank you."

"Could I do your makeup?"

"I'm sorry?"

Kalei flushes and fiddles with the makeup brush in her hand. "Sorry, I just… I don't know, I have this weird urge to do your makeup. Not that you aren't already devastatingly beautiful, obviously."

Quill preens a little at that, the way she always does. It's adorable. Which should not be possible for a revolutionary alien warrior who has killed more people than Kalei will ever care to think about, and yet, here Kalei is, utterly besotted.

"Keep talking, Jacobs," Quill says.

"Well, I just thought it might be… fun. Plus, I like looking at beautiful people, nice makeup, and you, and this would involve all three, and-"

"-result in more compliments for me, by the sounds of it," Quill says, looking vaguely amused. "Alright, Jacobs. Where do you want me?"

"Oh, the things I would give to be able to hear that sentence under different circumstances," Kalei mutters, making Quill snort. "Alright, uh, just sit on the edge of the bed, I'll bring everything over. Oh, and I might have oversold my makeup ability just a bit. I'm alright at doing my own, but… well, we'll give it a go."

"I'm feeling increasingly confident about you putting various small pointy sticks near my face and eyes," Quill remarks dryly as she sits down.

"Ooh, big bad warrior's afraid of liquid eyeliner?" Kalei teases, bringing the makeup bag over to the bed and sitting down next to Quill.

Quill scoffs. "Only in hands that aren't mine."

"Where's your faith, Andy?"

"Please, in this entire stinking universe, you're one of the only things I _do_ have faith in."

Kalei pauses in her rummaging for foundation, and looks up at Quill, not quite sure what to say to something like that. "Oh. I, uh-" When she meets Quill's eyes, they're too steady, too assured. Kalei ducks her head. "Wow. Okay."

"It shouldn't come as such a surprise, Kalei," Quill says, lifting an eyebrow. "I met my goddess, and I still don't _really_ believe in her, even if maybe for a minute there I wanted to."

"Oh, yeah, Dorothea said something about that."

"She was practically drooling over it. She's a weirdo."

Kalei hesitates, wondering if this is the right time to tell Quill what she had found out. She decides that surely the best policy is honesty, as soon as she can give it, no matter the consequences.

"Speaking of Dorothea," Kalei says, swallowing. "There's something you should probably know."

"Oh god, you didn't have sex with her, did you?" Quill asks, disgust entering her voice and making her nose crinkle.

"What?! No!"

"Then why has your face gone all red?"

"Because she watched us!" Kalei retorts, her cheeks indeed feeling far too warm. "The day you got the arn out, when we were in her office… she watched us over the security cameras."

Quill blinks, then rolls her eyes. "Of course she did. Like I said, weirdo. I bet she got off on it."

Kalei winces. "I'd really rather not think about that. And I thought you'd be more… angry. I know I was."

"Yes, but you _know_ I don't care about being observed having sex."

"But it wasn't just sex! Quill, that was-" How can Kalei even verbalise it? "It was our _goodbye_. It was intimate, and private, and for god's sake, we were both crying for most of it!"

"Oh, yeah." Quill frowns. "Actually, _yeah_ ," she says, jabbing a finger in Kalei's direction. "That's a good point. I don't want that bitch seeing me like that. That's for you, not anyone else."

"Exactly," Kalei says. "Though, she's not a bitch, Quill. She's just a very lonely woman with very questionable decision-making skills. That's a demographic I tend to try to not judge too harshly." She gives Quill a pointed look. 

"Hey, I am _nothing_ like her."

"Not really, no, but I never said you were."

"I'm not lonely," Quill says simply. "I have you."

Kalei smiles and kisses her. "I know. Now, let's forget about Dorothea Ames and her lack of personal boundaries, for now. Just let me do your makeup. Thank god I had the presence of mind to grab your foundation from your bathroom before we left."

"So this is more of a plan than a whim."

"Maybe I have dreams about putting makeup on beautiful women, okay? Let me have this."

Quill, after a tiny bit more preening at that comment, is surprisingly still and quiet as Kalei sets about her work. Kalei gets the idea that Quill very much likes the sensation of the brushes on her skin, from the very minute way she leans into them.

The eyeliner takes more concentration, but again, Quill is very still.

"Do you want to do the mascara yourself?" Kalei asks.

"Will you poke my eye out if I don't?"

"I'll try not to."

"Not _quite_ good enough."

Quill goes into the bathroom to put on the mascara, and Kalei follows to linger in the doorway, red lipstick in hand, ready for putting on Quill when she's done.

"I look fantastic," Quill says as she puts the lid back on the mascara and looks in the mirror properly. "Nice job."

"One more thing," Kalei tells her, and turns her around so that she can put the lipstick on Quill's lips. "There. Do the things with your finger and a bit of toilet paper." Quill, thankfully, knows what she's talking about (bless the internet) and does just that before coming to stand in front of Kalei again.

"There. Good enough?"

Kalei doesn't reply. She's briefly forgotten how to form words. The decision to make her already beautiful girlfriend even _more_ beautiful via makeup is suddenly seeming like the opposite of a smart decision.

"Kalei?"

"Sorry," Kalei breathes. "You're just… wow."

Quill grins, and kisses her enthusiastically (promptly smudging the lipstick, meaning they'll both have to reapply, but that currently seems unimportant). "You're not too bad yourself, Jacobs."

Once their lipstick is fixed, they head for the door. As they leave the hotel lobby and come out onto the street, Quill's hand slips into Kalei's, intertwining their fingers.

Kalei looks at her in surprise. "You don't like hand-holding."

"I'm going to give it another try," Quill says, shrugging. "Regardless of the outcome, consider it a thank you for bringing me here."

"You're the one paying."

"You know that money has nothing to do with this."

"I know." Kalei grips Quill's hand tightly and leans up to kiss her briefly. "You're very welcome, Andy."

"Good. Now, which way to the food?"

They set off down the street, hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was cute enough for y'all. Next chapter is even fluffier, as a warning ;) 
> 
> Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!


	36. New Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill and Kalei go out for dinner at a restaurant, with interesting results. Matteusz's nickname for Quill's unborn baby does not go down well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for even more fluff, but also some Quill backstory angst, because I can never resist.

The restaurant is simple, classic Italian, and they are quickly shown to their table. Kalei orders a glass of wine and suggests that Quill get a non-alcoholic cocktail. Quill arches an eyebrow and orders a ginger beer after finding out that it doesn't contain alcohol.

"So we just… order this fancy food, and they bring it to us?" Quill asks as she looks through the menu. "I get the whole thing with takeaway food, but this stuff sounds like it takes far more time and effort than it's worth."

"Well, that's why it costs more money," Kalei says, amused.

"Still. The effort. Why haven't we done this before?"

"Because until recently, you've lacked the basic table manners."

"Ah."

Kalei nudges her foot under the table, as a way of conveying her lightheartedness, even though she's fairly sure Quill's not one to take offense at such remarks. Quill blinks at her, the corner of her lips dragging upward into a disbelieving smile, before nudging her foot back.

It becomes a quiet war, and Kalei is silently worried about losing to Quill's high heels in a move gone wrong, but before that can happen, they are interrupted by a waiter stopping at their table to set down their drinks.

"Can I take your meal order? Or do you need a bit more time?"

Kalei, realising that she'd just been engaged in a game of footsie, with Quill of all people, covers her mouth with her hand while her cheeks flush bright red.

"Um, a little more time would be great, thank you," she says.

He smiles and nods, and as he walks away, Kalei is grateful that service staff have always seen so much weird shit that they just usually do not give a damn what the customers are doing, so long as they're not making trouble.

"Why have you turned into a tomato?" Quill asks curiously, as she sips at her ginger beer.

"That was so juvenile of us."

"So? It was fun." To make her point, Quill's foot nudges Kalei's again, making Kalei break out into an absurdly large grin.

"The terror of Coal Hill School," Kalei says, "and she likes playing footsie?"

Quill immediately makes a face of disgust. "Footsie? Good god, why do you people come up with the most ridiculous names for everything? Can't we call it foot wars? Or something less pathetic?"

"Of course you'd want to call it a foot war, everything sounds better to you if it's a war."

"Yes, it does."

"Look, just decide what you want to eat, alright?"

Quill, thankfully, is more than happy to direct her attention towards the menu, giving Kalei the freedom to do the same. Kalei spots a carbonara that sounds delicious, and Quill has closed her menu, so the waiter makes his way over to them yet again.

"What will it be?" he asks with a big smile.

"Could we get some garlic bread to start?" Kalei asks.

"Absolutely. And for your mains?"

Quill regards him seriously, leaning back in her chair. "Which meal is the largest?"

"Oh, were you wanting to share something?" He looks between them, but Kalei shakes her head and politely asks for the carbonara for herself.

"No, I'm just hungry, and I have another lifeform leeching off me, so I need twice the amount of nutrients," Quill replies. "So which meal is the most substantial?" The waiter blinks at her, but then smiles and hurries to point out one of the pastas on the menu. She nods. "Alright then, that sounds ideal."

"Great," he says, tucking his pen back into his shirt pocket, once he's scribbled the order down, and giving them one last smile. "Let me know if you need refills on your drinks at any point."

"I bring you to a fancy restaurant, and you're still interested in quantity over quality," Kalei says, once the waiter's walked off, shaking her head.

"Hey, I'm trusting that it's _all_ quality, isn't that the point of this place?"

"Well. Yes, but-"

"Then your argument is ridiculous. It's not my fault you don't have a proper appetite."

Kalei gapes at her. "I'm a good two sizes bigger than you, easily!"

"Two sizes? What are you talking about? You're shorter than me," Quill says, frowning at her. "And what on Earth does that have to do with food?"

"Clothing sizes," Kalei says. "Nevermind."

"Alright, sounded stupid anyway."

Quill eats the garlic bread a little _too_ enthusiastically when it arrives, but it's not the disaster it could be, so Kalei decides to take what she can get. Which is about a quarter of the garlic bread.

The mains go a little smoother. Quill has her large pasta dish which, she grumbles about still being a mediocre size, but devours happily enough and with vaguely acceptable manners once Kalei gives her a few pointers on the utensils. Kalei watches Quill over her bowl of carbonara - which is delicious, making all this absurdity worth it.

"Somehow, this wasn't a disaster," Kalei says after they get the cheque, just as Quill is distracted by the small decorative aquarium by the front-of-house stand.

"Good to know your faith in me is so substantial."

Kalei grabs Quill's hand and links their fingers. "I have faith in you in other things. But, I'll admit, I'm impressed right now."

A woman and her child come to stand next to them, the child as interested in the fish as Quill is. Kalei gives the woman a polite smile, a little self-conscious when the stranger glances at where her hand is linked with Quill's, but then the smile is returned, and Kalei exhales.

"Do you like the fish too?" the little boy, with a mop of curly ginger hair, asks.

"Undecided," Quill replies. "They don't seem overly intelligent. Though, credit where it's due, they have more impressive colour schemes than humans."

The boy giggles. "I know. I wish I was purple."

"Well, we can't have it all. But you could go for purple hair," Quill suggests, and the boy's mother coughs rather pointedly, lifting her eyebrows at Quill.

"Maybe if you ask your mum really nicely," Kalei adds, giving the woman a slightly apologetic look.

She ruffles her son's hair. "Maybe when you're older. And _if_ you ask very nicely."

The boy's eyes are wide. "I will! I promise I will!"

His mother chuckles fondly. "Alright, we'll talk about it. Another day. Maybe." She sighs good-naturedly and smiles at Quill and Kalei, her gaze falling to Quill's stomach. "Your first?"

"First and only," Quill says, snorting. "Any tips?"

"Just treasure every moment," the woman says with a sappy smile as she holds her son to her side with one arm. "They grow up so fast." Her hand reaches out to touch Quill's stomach. "Have you picked a name yet? When are you-"

The woman is screaming before Kalei even sees what has happened. One second, it's a pleasant conversation, and the next, the woman is on her knees on the floor, clutching her hand, tears in her eyes.

"What the hell is your problem?" she asks Quill with disbelief. "I think you just broke my hand!"

"My problem?" Quill asks, equally bewildered, scowling. "What the hell makes you think you have the right to go around touching people's stomachs like that?"

"Oh my god," Kalei says, hand over her mouth. The entire restaurant has gone silent and is staring at them. "Quill, let's go. Right now."

A protective husband appears, almost out of nowhere, kneeling by his wife and looking at them with horror, before addressing Kalei. "Do the world a favour and get your psycho wife some therapy, will you?"

"I-" Kalei tightens her grip on Quill's hand and pulls her towards the door of the restaurant. Once outside, Kalei doesn't stop half-running until they're on the next block.

"You know, humans use the term 'psycho' interchangeably with 'crazy' in ways that they shouldn't," Quill says, thoughtfully. "Psychopathy is a complex thing. I did a lot of reading, and I fit the definition of a secondary psychopath in quite a few respects."

"Which ones?"

"All of them except the anxiety, really." Quill shrugs. "Emotionally reactive, questionable self-esteem, impulsive as hell, general grey areas, definitely hit some of the depressive tendencies while I was a slave, hard, but only as an exterior-"

"I never thought you were this self-aware," Kalei says with interest.

"I'm a mess," Quill says flatly. "It would take an idiot not to notice."

Kalei is immediately thrown back to the scene at the restaurant, and the sound of the woman's scream. "Speaking of, _can you not break any more hands of random people we bump into?!"_

"She completely violated my personal boundaries without even asking," Quill replies. "She deserved exactly what she got, and she'll think twice before doing that to anyone else cursed with carrying around a parasite in their body."

"Quill," Kalei says, giving her firmest look.

Quill arches an eyebrow. "You can't ask this of me."

"You can't _break people's hands_!"

"Can I at least whack them away?"

"...that's fine, just no lasting damage!"

"Alright, alright."

Kalei sighs, but finds a stupid smile on her face anyway. "You're the most absurd person I've ever met. I must be absolutely mad, or absolutely making the right decision."

"I think, both," Quill says, smirking, using their joined hands to pull Kalei back into a walk, in the direction of the hotel.

"God, she thought we were married," Kalei says, chuckling and shaking her head. "I guess I'll take that as a compliment? But also, wow. No."

"Right, thanks, good to know that it's such an abhorrent idea, being married to me," Quill retorts, looking vaguely offended, only to make a face. "Actually, fair enough."

Kalei laughs at her. "Did your people even get married? Do you even _like_ marriage?"

"Well, no. But still."

"Before you get any more ideas, I have a strict 'no proposals before at least two years of dating' rule."

"Right, so only about a year and eleven months to go, then," Quill says, with a straight face, before snorting at the look on Kalei's. "It was a joke, Jacobs. Honestly, what makes you think I'd want to marry _you_?"

"Gee, good point. That thing about you wanting me to move in with you was obviously a red herring," Kalei says, completely deadpan.

"Obviously."

They stop off at a corner store for some chocolate, reply to a text from Matteusz inquiring as to their whereabouts, and then, once back in their hotel room, kick off their high heels and fall back onto the bed.

"Well, at least no one died," Kalei says, putting a square of chocolate in her mouth.

"I like how reasonably low your standards are," Quill replies, taking the whole block and biting into it, much to Kalei's dismay.

"Sometimes, even though I know it's absolutely not the case, I feel like you're doing this on purpose," Kalei says, narrowing her eyes.

Quill smirks.

"Oh my god, you _are_!" Kalei says, gaping.

"Only this time around."

"I can't believe you!" Kalei squeals, shoving her lightly, only to be shoved back with a half-hearted one-handed move that is twice as effective as Kalei's own, more serious, attempt at a shove.

Quill chuckles when she tries to push back, and next thing Kalei knows, she's on her back, with a pregnant woman straddling her and contentedly gnawing on a chocolate bar.

"You're cute when you're all indignant like that," Quill says, with another smirk.

"Get off, you're heavy," Kalei tells her, frowning. "And don't eat all the chocolate. Straddle me on a hotel bed when your baby has joined the land of the living and is no longer residing in your stomach."

"I'd say it's already in the land of the living. It kicks too well for someone that isn't alive." Quill rolls off Kalei, and sits next to her.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah." Quill rubs her stomach thoughtfully, and when Kalei looks up and over at her girlfriend, she's surprised to see a powerful unhappiness in her blue eyes.

"Andy, what's wrong?"

Quill sighs, and bites her lip. "I just. This… baby. It's not something I got to choose."

Kalei sits up so that they're on the same level. "I - I know."

"I just, I just wanted-" To Kalei's alarm, Quill's eyes well with tears, and a tiny sob escapes her. "I just wanted to be free, you know? For once, in my whole life, I wanted to free. I never have been, not _ever_. From the moment I was born, I was fighting for the right to exist, I was trapped on a world where who and what I was would _never_ be good enough, not unless I fought to change the core order of things. And so, I did. And where did that get me? Enslaved. The most fundamental part of who I was and what I believed in taken away from me, forced to be at the beck and call of Charles and his mother. God, you know, those months on Rhodia were hell. Even worse than being here."

"Why?" Kalei asks.

"Here, as you know, the prince would be happy to let me run around elsewhere sometimes, if it meant not having to see me. I actually _did_ have some free reign." Quill swallows. "Not on Rhodia. I wasn't even allowed to speak to him, you know, unless his life was in danger. Or speak to anyone, for that matter. I was to speak only to the queen or officials, and only when spoken to first. All the arn were engineered with a base programming that meant the current ruling Rhodia could give us orders. All my people, my officers, they were given the arn too, made to protect members of the government. I'd see them around the palace, and I couldn't even greet them, ask if they were alright, tell them to be strong-" Another sob.

Kalei pulls Quill into a hug. "I'm so sorry, that's horrible," Kalei says.

"When they all died, they couldn't even scream for help," Quill whispers into her neck. "I watched them get cut down, silent all the while. It wasn't until the queen was killed that I got my free speech back."

Kalei feels genuinely sick to her stomach. She pulls out of their hug and holds Quill's face in her hands so that she can kiss her, urgently. She's not quite sure why, but it feels right, and the way Quill kisses her back assures her that it's not just her.

It's _I'm here_ and _it's okay_ and _all of that's over now,_ and Quill rests her forehead on Kalei's when they finally break apart.

"Getting the arn out, I thought I was free," Quill says. "For the first time in my life, I thought that it was my chance. And now - and now it's gone, because this child is going to take everything. If not my life - which is still a possibility! - then my autonomy, my time-"

"I mean," Kalei interrupts, biting her lip, "Quill, if you really don't think you can do this, the Doctor travels through space, right? He could probably find another home for the baby, one where it would be loved and safe-"

"No!" Quill says, with a kind of panic in her voice, her hands clutching her stomach. Kalei is surprised to see something fierce and protective in her eyes. "No, I - I want it. Her. It. I don't know." She shakes her head. "I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know if it's something I would have chosen, but it's _happened_ and it's _mine_. It's Quill. I… I think I could sooner cut off my own arm, than part with it."

There's an odd look on Quill's face. Like she hadn't realised any of this until just now, until the words had physically left her body.

"Oh," Kalei says, genuinely surprised. "Okay. Well, that's…" She wants to say _good_ , or _ok_ , but she's still having trouble reading how Quill is feeling about all this (or deciding how she, herself, feels about all this), and she doesn't want to say the wrong thing.

"Scary," Quill finishes, as a long pause. "It's scary." There's an odd hint of a smile on her lips, though. "But, I don't know, maybe a tiny bit of me wonders if that's alright."

"Every mother-to-be is terrified, that's just a thing," Kalei assures her.

"Oh. Good."

"But I mean… I guess I'm glad you want the baby?"

"Are you? I don't know if I am, and it would certainly make your life a whole lot easier if I didn't want it and just gave it to someone else."

"This has nothing to do with me," Kalei says seriously. "This is about you."

"What the hell am I going to do with her?" Quill asks, looking down at her stomach, hands still wrapped around it. "There was a moment, with a Shadowkin, in the final battle, where I thought - I thought we were lost, the both of us. And I was so scared, Kalei. But for her, not me. I cared even then, even if I couldn't quite accept it at the time."

Kalei gives her what she hopes is a reassuring smile, even though her stomach is turning just at the thought of something happening to Quill and her baby. "It's natural, to feel that."

"But what about when she's not inside me anymore?" Quill asks urgently. "We'll be the last Quill, and she won't even be attached to me. How can I keep her safe, before she's old enough to fight for herself? How can I keep her safe, when I don't even know what the hell to do with a baby?"

An odd laugh escapes Kalei, but before she can say anything, a look of horror crosses Quill's face.

"Oh my god, I think I just understood parenthood," Quill says, aghast.

"You've got a long way to go yet."

"Fair point. I doubt I'll ever understand why some of them literally stalk their children and treat them like morons when they're beings capable of higher thought."

"Yeah, that's called abusive parenting, and you're not going to do that," Kalei says with a frown.

"Oh. Thank god."

* * *

The next day is cold, so they bundle up in their warm coats and go for a walk along the beach, which is fairly dismal in the winter weather, but still a nice change from suburban London.

They make it back to Shoreditch in the early evening, making sure to text Matteusz to let him know they'll be back in time for dinner, in case he has any plans on cooking.

"How was - uh, what was it? - Brighton?" Charlie asks when they come into the kitchen. He's sketching again, which Quill apparently suspects is a coping mechanism for the whole Cabinet thing. But Charlie seems in slightly brighter spirits if he's openly addressing them like this.

"There was an ocean, and the weather was cold," Quill replies.

"Oh, and she broke a woman's hand for trying to touch her stomach," Kalei adds, rolling her eyes. "That was a fun time."

Quill scowls. "Yeah, and I might have done it to that handsy bitch at the petrol station on the way back here, too, if you hadn't yanked me out of the way in the nick of time."

Matteusz tries to disguise his laugh with a cough. It doesn't work.

"I suppose it's still better than what I was expecting of her," Charlie says, with a sigh, before becoming very preoccupied with picking a new pencil.

"I just want this thing out of me," Quill complains, looking through the cupboards for something and sighing with disappointment. "I can't drink coffee, or alcohol, she keeps kicking me while I'm trying to sleep, and Kalei won't have sex with me." Matteusz chokes on his coffee, and laugh-splutters while trying to clean his shirt. "The only upside is that it can't scream in this form."

"I do not think that little Quilliam will let you get more sleep once they are born," Matteusz says, shaking his head. "Babies are infamous for depriving parents of rest. Is big thing."

Quill goes incredibly still, and turns on her heel to fix Matteusz with her most dangerous look - the one that's calm, calculating, while she verifies what fate a person deserves.

"I'm sorry," she says, same dangerous mildness in her voice, "what did you just call my baby?"

Matteusz, for once, actually looks ever so slightly worried for his own safety. "...Quilliam."

"...why?"

"Is cute nickname, because we do not know gender yet. Is funny."

"No, it's not."

"Your girlfriend is laughing."

Quill turns around to glare at Kalei, who is trying to smother her giggles. "Kalei, you cannot tell me that such an absurd name-"

"I'm sorry, it's just so cute," Kalei says, biting her lip and grinning.

Quill scowls at them all. "If any of you use that nickname again, I will eviscerate you."

"Well, then in the meantime, you should probably come up with a couple of baby name ideas," Kalei says, making a face. "Because I'm getting the feeling that Quilliam is going to stick, otherwise."

Quill glares. "Don't you dare. I never want to hear that ridiculous name come out of your mouth again." Her hand goes to her stomach, and she makes the face that Kalei now recognises as the 'baby is kicking' face. "See, the baby hates it too."

Kalei's grin widens. "Or, maybe little Quilliam's excited because she likes her name."

"Alright, that's it, we're breaking up."

"Uh huh. Whatever you say, Andy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, the "Quilliam" argument begins... this poor kid, honestly...
> 
> Thanks for reading, please let me know what you thought!


	37. Excited and Scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill and Kalei both have a lot of feelings. They're just not always good at expressing it at the right time, or in the right way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who didn't know about it happening, you're in for a fun surprise this chapter, with two non-Class Whoniverse characters turning up! Just what they're doing will be explored in a oneshot set in this verse, but you get a taste of them here. 
> 
> Also, prepare for feelings.

It isn't until an apologetic Sophia _again_ asks Kalei about the tutoring thing that Kalei finally comes into Quill's house on that Monday afternoon with the question in the forefront of her mind.

"So, Sophia Spencer says that you were going to get her a tutor," Kalei says, once they're sat at the dining table with coffee.

Quill blinks. "Oh yeah."

"Who?"

"Tanya," Quill says after swallowing a mouthful of decaf, "obviously."

For a second Kalei just stares at her, then a bizarre little laugh escapes her lips. Then she's jumping out of her seat and moving around the table to lean down and kiss Quill thoroughly, with an excitement that makes her whole body feel like the coffee has hit her all at once.

"You," Kalei says finally, beaming at her bewildered girlfriend, "are a genius. _Of course_ Tanya, _of course_ Sophia and Tanya. How have I gone this long without realising? I'm an idiot!"

Quill makes a face, clearly pleased with the compliment but otherwise confused. "I know you're invested in your student's grades, Kalei, but I didn't think you'd be _this_ excited."

"No, it's not about their grades, though that's a bonus," Kalei says, excitement bubbling from her. "Tanya keeps saying she needs a friend her own age, and Sophia just needs a friend full stop. And they're so - they're into the same sorts of nerdy things, I think, I'm _sure_ they'll like each other, and the tutoring is a way for them to realise that-"

She has trouble finding her words after that, so she just kisses Quill again to express her elation. Quill does not complain.

* * *

 

It's the midnight premiere of _Rogue One_ that night, so Kalei has to make it clear that she can't stay long. Matteusz is immensely jealous of the fact that she has tickets.

"Are you and your father dressing up?" Matteusz asks.

Quill arches an eyebrow. "Why in the world would they do that?"

"Premieres are for the mega fans," Kalei explains, laughing. "Fans like to dress up, in clothing that has pictures from the thing they're a fan of, or in costumes of the characters from the movie. And no, Matteusz, we're not doing costumes, but I have-"

"You should have gone with the metal bikini," Quill suggests, smirking.

Kalei rolls her eyes. "The only good thing about the metal bikini is getting to strangle Jabba the Hutt with it, and since Donald Trump is on the other side of the world, I'll take a hard pass."

Matteusz starts choking on his biscuit, and Quill ends up slapping him on the back, hard, before he's finally alright, albeit laughing hard, even through the tears in the corners of his eyes.

"Sorry," Kalei says, making a face.

"Don't be," Matteusz replies, face serious. "That was beautiful."

"Anyway, I'll be wearing my Darth Vader shirt, and my dad has an R2D2 beanie that he wore to the _Force Awakens_ premiere, too."

"I approve of all this," Matteusz says.

Charlie, who has up until this point been sitting at the table sketching, with nothing to contribute to the conversation due to being still painfully uncultured, stares at them all. "What's a Darth Vader?"

"A movie villain whose levels of extra are surely something Quill aspires to," Kalei says.

"I don't know what that means," Quill says, flatly, "but it's probably true. I would definitely enjoy having a laser sword and the ability to choke people with telekinesis. Even if I doubt it's as satisfying as punching someone."

Charlie visibly shudders. "I think you're deadly enough as it is."

"Why thank you, Charles," Quill says, smirking. Her voice only sounds half sarcastic.

Which, really, speaks volumes about the progress they're all making.

* * *

 

When Kalei heads back to her apartment complex around eight in the evening, her father is waiting, outside of his car, which is parked next to hers.

" _Ubaba,"_ Kalei says as she embraces him. "Are you excited?"

"Of course," Makalo replies, hugging her back tightly.

She lets herself be lost in the familiar scent of him and the soft strength of his arms around her. All the people she has been hugging lately have been women, and slight framed ones at that. He's a larger, more comforting presence.

"Oh god, I hadn't realised how much I was missing you," she breathes, and is embarrassed to realise she's a bit teary as she pulls away.

He cups her cheek in his large hand. "What's wrong, flower?"

"Nothing really, not now," Kalei says, because despite all the weird pregnancy madness, it's still mostly true. "It's just - it was just a weird couple of weeks, that's all."

"Did things not work out with that girl of yours?"

Kalei has to laugh at that. "There were a couple of hiccups, and there are some things that will take some getting used to, but, uh, no, things are actually going really well." She feels herself starting to blush. "She's just… she's ridiculous and awful and hilarious and weirdly sweet sometimes, and she's not good at some of this relationship stuff at all, but she's trying for _me_ and-"

She covers her mouth with her hands to stop the gushing. She's smiling so widely that her hands can't quite hide it.

Her father is chuckling. "It sounds like you've fallen in the deep end here."

" _Baba_ , I like her so much," she whispers, still half covering her mouth. "Whenever I see her, there's always this one little moment where I forget how to breathe. She's just so - she's so beautiful, _baba_. Not even just on the outside,. She's so strong, she's survived so much, and I-"

She clamps her mouth shut, overwhelmed by emotion, and Makalo's eyes are soft and warm as he regards her. He steps forward and holds her head in his hands so that he can press a kiss to her forehead.

A strange sob escapes Kalei.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so-"

"Don't apologise, flower, this is obviously a very big thing for you," he says to her. "You've never talked about anyone like this, not even Sam or Christina."

"I… I don't think I've ever felt like this about anyone," Kalei admits, biting her lip. "It's… well, the more I think about it, it's kind of terrifying. But it's been terrifying for a while, I think."

"Scared can be good. Your mother scared the hell out of me when we first met. That's why I liked her."

"Oh, so _you're_ the one I have to blame for my bizarre taste in women!" Kalei exclaims, whacking him on the arm. "This is all _your_ fault!"

He starts laughing, and so does she, and they head into the building with his arm around her shoulders, still chuckling.

After getting changed into their nerdy attire and heading out to grab some dinner, they line up with all the other nerds - some in full Stormtrooper and Imperial Officer outfits, and more - to see _Rogue One_. They both cry towards the end. It's wonderful, and by the time they get back to Kalei's, and Makalo takes her bed while she crashes on the couch, they've exhausted almost every point worth talking about with the movie.

All-in-all, a good day.

* * *

 

Kalei starts the next day with three coffees - one over breakfast with her father, one after bidding him goodbye and as she gets dressed, and one from the place near the school, taken with her into her first class. With only four hours of sleep under her belt, she needs it all.

Every one of the kids of the - what is it that Quill calls it? The Bunghole Defence Squad? Well, regardless, all of them but Ram are back in school now. It's good to see their faces, even if they stir up some strange feelings.

Kalei catches Tanya after maths, quietly asking her to stay behind. Tanya - who looks similarly exhausted - approaches her desk and makes a rather pained face.

"Please don't try and talk to me about _Star Wars_ , Miss. _Rogue One_ really messed me up and I've cried way too much this last week, and _really_ don't wanna do it at school. Which I will."

"Okay," Kalei says, with slight disappointment. "That's alright, I wanted to ask you about something else anyway."

"Before you do, I swear I'm doing sort of okay, and I've been talking to Ram," Tanya says.

"I'm glad to hear it, but I actually wanted to talk to you about something else," Kalei says with a smile. "Have you ever considered tutoring? Officially? There's a fourth form student Quill and I were hoping you might help with Physics, and maybe Maths as well. It doesn't have to be right away, but... maybe after your mum's funeral you could think about it?"

Tanya looks surprised, then uncertain. "Um, yeah, I guess? Would I be getting paid?"

"Oh, uh, I'm not sure. I'll ask," Kalei says sheepishly.

Tanya shrugs. "I might do it anyway, for stuff like university applications. Just wondering. Who's the student?"

"Her name's Sophia Spencer."

"I… can't think of who that is."

"I'm not surprised, she's a wallflower," Kalei says with a little shake of her head. "Well, you think about it and get back to me, and we can maybe organise something for next week."

"Will do."

* * *

 

"So, are you allowed to let me in on this big weird thing?"

Kalei glances up from her phone, which is being spammed by various pictures of cats by an already bored Quill, to see Sally looking at her expectantly from the other side of the staff room couch. It's Wednesday, but Dorothea has called a staff meeting to introduce the person who will be replacing Quill for the next couple of months.

"Shit, sorry, I forgot," Kalei says. "My brain's all over the place at the moment."

"That implies it was ever in a singular place, at any given time," Sally replies, with a fond smile and a little shake of her head. "It's fine. It's not like you're killing me with suspense over here."

"I did mention it to Dorothea. She thinks it's a good idea."

"Does she?" Sally groans. "This isn't making me die of curiosity or anything, not at all."

Before Kalei can reply, however, Dorothea Ames finally strides into the staff meeting, with a handsome young man in a very nice purple sweater in tow. Kalei can't help but share an incredulous glance with Sally - this young man can't be more than twenty-two, twenty-three at absolute most.

"Everybody, I'd like you to meet our Physics substitute, who will be handling things while Quill is on personal leave. This is Luke Smith," Dorothea says with a wide smile. "And don't let his age fool you. He's a prodigy in his field. His younger sibling Sky will also be joining us, in sixth form."

"Pleased to meet all of you," Luke says to the room, with a friendly smile that is only a little nervous, and a polite nod.

"I'll let everybody introduce themselves," Dorothea says, and as members of the staff move forward to greet Luke personally, Kalei spots how the energy in Dorothea's eyes fades almost instantly when she half turns away from the group.

"So, what happened to her?" Sally asks Kalei, eyes fixed on Dorothea as well. "She's been out of whack since that day she just didn't turn up."

"It's all to do with that... thing," Kalei says, making a face. "But yeah, she's been having a rough time. Sort of like, a spiritual crisis."

Sally lifts an eyebrow. "Oh. That… sort of explains a lot, actually. Though again, curiosity driving me nuts."

"I'll ask as soon as I see her today, I promise."

"Good."

"Hello!" They look up to see Luke standing in front of the couch where they're sitting, giving them a friendly smile. With a shared glance of amusement, the two women both get up.

"Hi," Kalei says, extending her hand. "Kalei Jacobs - nice to meet you."

"And you."

"Liu." Sally follows suit. "Sally Liu."

"Nice to meet you, too." Luke shrugs his shoulders a bit awkwardly. "So… how long have you two worked here?"

"Two years?" Kalei shrugs.

"Eighteen months," Sally says.

"What's it like?"

"It's not like you'd have much to compare it to, would you?" Sally asks, lifting an eyebrow. "This has to be your first position, right?"

Luke flushes. "Um. Yes."

"It's good, if you're lucky," Kalei says.

"And if I'm unlucky?"

Kalei and Sally exchange a look. Although it's on full display, it's not like bringing up the reason for the large memorial board is in good taste.

"I'm sure you won't be unlucky," Sally says with a little laugh. "Is your sister taking maths or biology?"

"Sibling, not sister," Luke corrects, "and yes, I think they are taking both." There's a look in his eyes, one Kalei knows all too well, waiting to see if one needs to protect themselves or a loved one against ignorance.

"Well, they'll be seeing both of us a fair bit, then," Sally says, and when Kalei nods, Luke relaxes a fraction.

Kalei gives Luke a funny grin. "You know, it's probably worth mentioning that your students won't be used to a teacher who actually gives a shit about the curriculum. Or bothers to explain things to them."

"I've studied the curriculum, it's straightforward enough," Luke says, frowning. "Is this Quill lady just a bit stupid, or-"

Kalei and Sally burst into helpless laughter.

"No, she's just a moody bitch," the latter says helpfully, only to get elbowed in the ribs. "Hey, it's true, Kalei! You can't try and tell me she actually gives a shit about her job or more than half a dozen of these kids, if even that many."

Kalei opens her mouth, then shuts it again. "About exactly half a dozen, I'd say."

"Exactly. She's awful. You have terrible taste."

"Agree to disagree," Kalei retorts, only to spot how utterly bemused Luke looks. She laughs again, before explaining, "Quill, in addition to being what Sally calls the High-Heeled Terror of Coal Hill, is also my girlfriend."

Luke blinks, then smiles widely, his eyes having lit up. Kalei knows that smile all too well. It's the _I'm gay too!_ smile. She grins, feeling a similar excitement rise in her. It's a warm feeling she never gets tired of.

The bells rings, then, and she and Sally both bid Luke goodbye before heading out of the door.

"Oh my god, what a _child,_ " Sally groans under her breath the moment they're out of earshot, and Kalei giggles, clutching her arm for support.

"Well, at least he's one of us. And besides, Dorothea would never pick anyone without intense screening, so he must be as good as she says."

* * *

 

Sophia, it turns out, has no idea whether the tutoring would be paid or not.

"Um," Sophia says, frowning at Kalei after receiving the question after first period maths. "I'll ask Mum. I mean, if this Tanya is gonna be giving up her time to help me, it seems like we should pay her, right?"

"She didn't seem to mind too much either way."

Sophia gets an odd look in her eye. "Well, Mum can afford it. What do you think, about fifteen quid a session?"

Kalei shrugs. "Sounds reasonable enough. Tanya's mother has just died, I'm sure a bit of extra cash couldn't hurt."

She doesn't quite think about her words until she's seeing the look of shock on Sophia's face.

"Her mother-"

"Oh, please, don't spread that around," Kalei says, biting her lip. "I'm sure it'll get around eventually, but yes, there were two parents killed last week. The details aren't for me to disclose, though."

"That's awful," Sophia says, stunned, brow furrowed.

"That's why the tutoring probably won't start until next week."

"Oh god, yeah, as long as she needs!" Sophia swallows. "I'll _tell_ Mum. About the payment thing. I'll just lie and say that you recommended that much as a rate to pay Tanya."

Kalei arches an eyebrow. "Normally I wouldn't condone lying to a parent. But given that it's _your_ mother, I'll overlook it."

Sophia smiles a little, but it fades when she sees something over Kalei's shoulder. "Oh, uh, Headmistress incoming. I'm going to go. Talk later, Miss!"

Kalei tries to give her a farewell, but she's already gone, and sure enough, Kalei turns around to see Dorothea approaching, an unfamiliar student with mousy hair in tow behind her.

"Ah, Kalei," Dorothea says, with a small and hesitant smile. They haven't had much contact, since they'd been sharing far too much with each other in her kitchen over wine, and Kalei had not predicted that it would feel this awkward to even just look at her. "There you are. I've just been going over some administrative details with Mx Smith here-"

"Miss Smith is fine, I like how it sounds with my name, all the 's's," Sky interrupts, with a little smile.

"Alright, dear, noted," Dorothea replies, smiling back. "Now, Kalei, this is Sky Smith, they're Luke's younger sibling, and in your maths class."

"Ah yes, he mentioned you," Kalei says, with a smile. "I think you're in my friend Sally's biology class as well. Though she'll be Miss Liu to you."

"Yes, I think so," Sky says, nodding. "I like biology a lot. Maths isn't my favourite, but it's not too hard, is it?"

"Well, I don't think so, but I know a lot of people who would disagree," Kalei laughs. "Come on, the classroom is just in here. We'll let Miss Ames get on with her work. I'm sure she has a lot to be doing."

With little nods at Dorothea, the two of them go into Kalei's classroom, and Sky tucks a strand of long light brown hair behind their ear as they glance back at Dorothea, who is swiftly moving off.

"She's nice," Sky says, in a simple sort of way that reminds Kalei of a child, or of Charlie, actually.

Kalei smiles faintly. "Yes, she is." _When she's not being incredibly invasive in a way that is mildly terrifying, anyway._

She gets a quick idea of where Sky's at with the sixth form curriculum so far from a few questions, decides they'll be mostly alright to just slot in with the others, and by then all the others have started filing in.

After a quick introduction of Sky, and threatening some dickhead boy in the back with detention if he calls them a 'she', Kalei is able to get on with her lesson.

* * *

 

"How would you feel about me telling Sally about you and Charlie? About aliens?"

Quill, who has until this moment been watching a nature documentary about lions in an attempt to dissuade the unfortunate urge she gets to watch at the window when she's expecting Kalei, looks up from the TV to see her girlfriend standing where the dining room turns into the lounge.

Quill arches an eyebrow at the question and earnest look on Kalei's face. "Why does she need to know?"

Kalei comes to sit on the couch next to Quill. "Because she's my best friend, and this is suddenly a huge part of my life, and I can't keep it from her. It would tear us apart. We've already fought once, worse than we ever have, just because I couldn't tell her the truth."

"Oh," Quill says, blinking.

"So…?"

"She's important to you." It isn't a question.

"Yes."

"Your lieutenant, so to speak."

Kalei breaks out into a grin, laughing once as her posture relaxes some and her eyes warm a bit. "Yes, I suppose you _would_ put it like that."

Quill considers this whole thing for a few moments. She doesn't like Sally Liu, but she doesn't really dislike her either. Sally is an odd, vertically challenged, mystifying presence - one that Quill has a grudging respect for. The idea of Sally knowing about Quill isn't actually a particularly bad one, it's just that -

"I'm sorry, you think that her knowing that I'm an alien war criminal, with a very different moral code and a body count higher than her height in centimetres, is going to do anything to endear me to her?"

Kalei frowns. "Is her height in centimetres strictly relevant? Surely the number doesn't fall between hers and most people's heights, right?"

Quill shrugs, a smirk on her lips. "No. I just like making digs about her height."

An odd look crosses Kalei's face, like she's realised that this is a chance to ask Quill about the exact number of that body count. It's not a nice look, not for Quill to see. There's fear in it. She sees fear in Kalei sometimes-fear after the Shadowkin attack that Quill might not want to be with her, which had been ridiculous-but it's not common. Fear _for_ Quill, for her life or emotional well being; she's seen that from Kalei several times. But Quill has only seen this fear, the fear of Quill herself, once before - outside the school after the lizard's attack, as Quill had vocally professed her desire to violently murder Charlie.

It's there now, again. Just for a moment, just long enough for Quill to feel a bit sick. Then it's gone.

"You're the worst," Kalei says with a fond shake of her head. "It'll have to be here, since you can't leave the house, is that alright?"

"I think I can handle Sally Liu knowing where I live."

"I was thinking maybe we should ask Dorothea over too, since she might give us a bit more credibility when it comes to winning over Sally, she just gives off that kind of vibe, you know-"

"I don't want that bitch in my house."

"Don't call her that," Kalei snaps, frowning at her. "She's a lot of things, but she doesn't deserve that, alright?"

"She's the reason that Ballon is dead-"

"Maybe. But it wasn't her fault. She was afraid the Governors would kill her if she didn't follow their orders, and she was right!"

"I don't _care_ ," Quill snarls. Kalei flinches. "She also completely invaded our privacy, don't you care about that? She saw things that were _ours,_ she-"

"I know!" Kalei says hotly. "And it wasn't okay, and it _does_ make me feel weird and dirty every time I remember that, you're right!"

There are tears in Kalei's eyes, and her arms have curled around herself as she leans her right shoulder against the couch cushion, suddenly looking lost and confused. Something ugly curls in Quill's gut, an urge to hurt Dorothea Ames for ever making Kalei look like this.

Quill leans in closer, and when she speaks, her voice is low. Dangerous. "Then give me one good reason, right now, why I shouldn't make you tell me where she lives, so I can go over there and bash her head in with an expensive piece of her own furniture."

Kalei shakes her head, biting her lip. "She only told me because she feels so bad about it that she didn't know how to handle my being kind to her. She feels _awful_ for doing it, Quill, and she wants to make up for it in any way she can. She still means well, and I think _that's_ what counts."

"I'll tell you what I told her: an enemy is decided by her actions, not her intentions."

"Her actions? Alright, you want to talk about her actions?" Kalei asks, sitting up, and she covers Quill's mouth before the blonde can try and argue again.

Quill is tempted to shove her hand away, do exactly what Kalei doesn't want, but she forces herself to stay still and listen, because Kalei's eyes have lit up with something that has Quill intrigued and a little captivated.

"Look at me and listen," Kalei says, firmly. "When I was going out of my mind, when you were unconscious-wondering if you were ever going to wake up, wondering if you'd still want anything to do with me if you did, wondering what the hell to think about you being pregnant out of nowhere - Dorothea was the only one able to give me any kind of clarity through all of it. She was the one who told me as much as she could about what had happened, who told me that she thought I was right to keep faith in you."

Quill absorbs this with a frown, then slowly moves Kalei's hand out of the way.

"See, and that's the part of all this I just don't understand. Why would you possibly think I wasn't going to want anything to do with you?"

"You said that the arn cut you off from the most essential part of yourself," Kalei says, seeming somehow surprised, "which meant I couldn't be sure that I was even going to recognise who you were once you had it out. I _hoped_ you would still be you, but that's just it. I didn't know. I didn't know _anything_. And Dorothea is the only reason I didn't lose my mind. She's the one that held me as I cried because I was so fucking confused about everything."

Quill stares at her. "Kalei, I thought I had made it as clear as I possibly could how I feel about-"

"Nothing was clear, during that time," Kalei says firmly. "I owe Dorothea my sanity, and she owes me her life. I trust her intentions, and I need you to trust me, and give her a chance."

Quill clenches her jaw, absorbs all of this, and tries to dismiss the anger that rises in her chest just thinking about Dorothea embracing a crying Kalei. _Not that having a pretty thing like her crying on my shoulder and being in need of…comforting…is the worst thing I can imagine..._

"Did she ever try anything on with you?" Quill asks sharply, making Kalei blink at her. "While she was comforting you?"

"No. Only when I was trying to comfort _her_ ," Kalei tells her, swallowing, looking uncomfortable. Quill arches an eyebrow and tries to keep her anger under control. "She tried to kiss me the other day, when I was at her apartment, as I was leaving. She'd had too much to drink; I set her straight. That's it. And - and why do you even care? You've made it more than obvious you don't care about monogamy-"

"No, but I care about her not having taken advantage of you when you're vulnerable," Quill says, fiercely.

"I can look after myself."

Quill almost argues that Kalei is wrong, because in a fight she absolutely _would_ need Quill's help and protection, but she realises just in time that that isn't what Kalei means. She means emotionally, mentally.

"... I know," Quill says quietly. Her hand goes over her eyes, smoothing over her face as she lets out a tired sigh. "I - I know. I just… the last time she got near me and somebody I cared about, that somebody ended up dead."

"I know," Kalei says, brown eyes big and sad.

"I don't know what I would do if something happened to you, Kalei," Quill tells her, voice earnest, hand coming to hold her by the shoulder. "I - when I think about it, I can't-" A shudder runs through her body. Even talking about it like this is too much. There are too many words with which she could finish that sentence. _When I think about it, I can't breathe. Or think. Or know how to tell you that, without the breathing part coming into play and making it difficult._

Oh fuck. Tears. She's crying.

"Hey, hey," Kalei whispers, alarm all over her face. She reaches out and pulls Quill to her, letting Quill's head drop and stroking her hands over Quill's neck and back. It's not quite a hug, with being on the couch and Quill's pregnancy very much in the way, but it's the embrace Quill needs all the same.

Quill murmurs something, something in Quill. It might be 'I need you.' It might be 'don't leave me.' Her head isn't working right, she isn't sure, she doesn't know what she's saying. She's lost everyone else she's ever cared about, and the thought of it happening again -

"Andy, I can't say that nothing will happen to me, because I think you know better than anyone that we never know what the universe is like," Kalei says softly, her hand stroking over Quill's hair, "but if something does happen, it won't be because of Dorothea Ames. She's going to be another person _looking out_ for me, _protecting_ me, and we both know that's no small thing."

Quill lifts her head to meet Kalei's gaze. "You _really_ believe that?"

"She wants to make up for what she's done. She knows she owes both of us," Kalei says. "So yes. I really do believe her. And if you give her the chance, I think you'll believe her too."

"Fine," Quill replies, frowning. "But that's going to be a whole big thing, and it doesn't concern Sally. We're more than capable of convincing Sally on our own; bring the Headmistress here tomorrow after school."

"What about Sally?"

"Call her, now, get her over here."

" _Now?"_

"Why you humans alway delay important discussions like this, I have no idea. Yes, now. Come on, get on with it. I'll be back in a couple of minutes, I need to look less like I've been crying."

With that, Quill gets up and goes to the bathroom to get herself together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that gave you some good feelings. Poor Quill, bby. 
> 
> and LUKE AND SKY THAT'S RIGHT Y'ALL THEY HEARD SHIT WAS GOING DOWN AT COAL HILL AND NOW THEY'RE DOING THEIR MOTHER PROUD AND STICKING THEIR NOSES IN. (Their very much alive mother, that is, bc Sarah Jane is immortal okay fight me.) And yes, Sky "what's a girl?" Smith is non-binary. Duh. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, please let me know what you thoughts!


	38. Local Woman Discovers Best Friend Has Been Fucking An Alien (You Won't Believe What Happens Next)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much exactly what it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title inspired by the clickbait style titles from What She Does Next Will Astound You, because people on Tumblr encouraged me, which is never a good idea.

Waiting isn't one of Quill's favourite pastimes. Patience is actually something she's got a fair capacity for; she just doesn't often feel the need to actually use it, because it _does_ take a lot of effort.

Finally, after what feels like forever, there's a knock at the door, and Kalei moves to answer it. Soon enough, Sally Liu enters the room at her side.

"Okay, so-" Her gaze lands on Quill, and she comes to a standstill. "What. The. Fuck."

Quill rests her hands on her stomach, a little defensively. "Yeah, yeah, I know. It doesn't make any sense. We'll get to that."

"Kalei, what the actual fuck is going on?"

"I told you on the phone. We're telling you the truth. About everything," Kalei says to her, slowly, wringing her hands. "Look, why don't you sit down? Can I get you some coffee? Or tea?"

"No, I just want answers! Is this thing really so big that we have to have a proper sit-down talk about it?"

"It is a bit, yeah," Kalei says, making a face. "I needed a mochaccino and a bag of marshmallows to get my head around it, and I had a lot more proof than you did."

"Proof?"

"Aliens are real," Quill says impatiently, with a roll of her eyes.

Sally blinks. "What?"

"Aliens are real. That's what we're telling you. Kalei and I came face-to-face with one that nearly killed us before I started explaining all of this to her, so she had a solid foundation. You, however, don't, as far as we know."

"Which is why I was going to try and ease into it," Kalei says, frowning at Quill.

"Yeah, well, easing into things isn't my style," Quill replies.

Sally stares at them. "Is… this some kind of long-winded joke with a really shitty delivery?"

"I really wish it was," Kalei says, weakly, and when Sally's gaze narrows in on her, the maths teacher lets out a nervous laugh. "I'm just going to make some coffee, and tea-"

"Cut the bullshit, Kalei."

"Okay, fine," Kalei retorts, throwing her hands up. "You want the truth? Quill's giving it to you. Aliens. It's aliens. Aliens are real, and the school we work at is on top of some kind of tear in the fabric of reality that lets a bunch of them slip through, that's why so much weird shit happens at Coal Hill, and why we need a memorial board that takes up an entire wall."

Sally frowns. "You… are you _actually_ serious? Because if you stop now, it'll still be kind of funny."

"I wish I was joking, but I'm not," Kalei tells her, swallowing. "That chemistry classroom? Quill and I were the ones that blew it up. It was the only way to kill the alien lizard thing trying to eat us."

" _I_ blew it up. _You_ stood by and got nervous about the door it was ramming down," Quill corrects.

"Whatever." Kalei looks at Sally and sighs. "I told you that you'd never believe me."

There's enough sadness in Kalei's face to make Sally clench her jaw, dark eyes confused and darting between them. "But - you can't - _Kalei,_ this is _insane_."

"I _definitely_ underestimated how well April took this revelation," Quill mutters.

"April MacLean? What does she have to do with this?"

"Nevermind that," Kalei says, frowning. "Sally, I swear, this isn't a joke. I'm as serious as anything. Aliens are real, and… you're standing in the room with one, right now."

Sally's eyebrows nearly reach her hairline. "Are you trying to tell me that you're an alien, because if so-"

"She could not be more obviously talking about me," Quill remarks, snorting.

"Oh," Sally says. "Yeah, that's definitely _way_ more plausible. _If_ one of us being an alien were plausible, which I'm still not convinced it is."

"Would a sample of my blood for you to analyse do the trick for convincing you?"

Sally blinks. "I mean, I don't carry around a microscope with me, so… not really."

"Charles and I come from a planet called Rhodia," Quill says, "where he was the prince, and I was the leader of a failed rebellion, punished by way of enslavement to him. But then all of our people were slaughtered, and the two of us were rescued and brought here. I suppose...we're refugees."

"Oh, so it's not just that _you're_ an alien. You're saying that Charlie Smith is _also_ an alien. A prince, even, and..." A sarcastic Sally trails off and frowns deeply. "Actually, I… I could almost believe that one. He's so…"

"Weird, yet charming," Kalei finishes, and Sally nods. "Yeah, that's more or less what I thought when she told me."

"Hang on, did you say something about _enslavement_?" Sally asks.

"Oh, yeah. I was the prince's slave, it was a whole thing," Quill says with a wave of her hand. "But I got the thing enforcing it out of my head, so now I'm a free woman." She smiles, genuinely, as she says the last sentence. Those words sound so good, taste so good on her tongue.

Kalei is looking at her with a soft expression, her lips curled upward. "Thank god. I couldn't bear seeing you like that. You were miserable."

"So when you said that Charlie called the shots in this house, _that_ 's what you meant?" Sally asks Quill, a little more quietly. Before Quill can do anything more than give her an affirming look, Sally lets out a groan, falls into the nearest dining chair, and covers her face with her hands. "No! No, no, this is _not_ starting to sound like it makes sense, this is insane."

"Almost as insane as denying the existence of aliens when you work in a space visited by them almost constantly," Quill sneers.

"Bite me," Sally retorts.

"Hang on, I have an idea." Quill leaves the room, and returns with her gun a few moments later. "Kalei, find me something to shoot."

"Um, I don't think this is a good idea," Kalei starts, only for Quill to roll her eyes and shoot the potted plant on the kitchen windowsill. It disintegrates, now dispersed through space and time, never to be seen again.

Kalei's hand has met her forehead in exasperation. Sally, meanwhile, is staring at where the potted plant had been, with wide, startled eyes.

"There," Quill says. "Alien gun. Danger to potted plants, Shadowkin, and possibly the Prime Minister if she continues to be a despicable piece of human garbage." She stops and makes a face. "Oh god. I'm going local. Fuck this whole planet, honestly."

Kalei presses her lips together to smother her giggle, and does her best to look disapproving. It doesn't work when there's so much fondness in her eyes. Quill feels pleasure rush through her body at the sight and smirks.

"Kalei, can I… can we talk _alone_?" Sally asks, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular. Her arms gesture vaguely in Quill's direction. " _This_ , the bitchy maybe-alien girlfriend is… really not helping."

Kalei bites her lip and nods. "Quill, can you-"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fucking off, just shout when you're done."

* * *

Once Quill is gone, Kalei takes a deep breath and moves to sit in the chair nearest to Sally, putting a hand on Sally's knee. Sally still isn't looking at her; she's frowning in the direction of the kitchen cupboards, in a vacant sort of way.

"Sal, talk to me," Kalei says quietly.

"This isn't a joke, is it?"

"Since when was _this_ my sense of humour?"

"Never, but I could see Quill-"

"Sally, I've _never_ been able to lie to you, not properly. Only stuff like twisting all this alien business to sound normal. Like saying that Quill went away, instead of that she was actually hibernating."

Sally sharply looks at her, alarmed. " _Hibernating_?"

Kalei shrugs, an odd laugh escaping her. "Something her species does during pregnancy. I don't know."

"Her species," Sally echoes with disbelief. Her usual ferocity is gone in the face of near complete disorientation. "You're… you're actually serious, aren't you?"

"Yes," Kalei says. "I know this is _insane_ , but I swear, it's all real. I mean, for god's sake, Quill's _pregnant,_ and she's only been pregnant for like, two weeks. How could we make something that crazy up?"

"Yeah, that's another thing, how the _hell..._ " Sally trails off, her expression becoming one of horror. "Holy shit, did you get her pregnant with some kind of weird alien thing-"

"Oh my god, why does everyone think it's mine," Kalei groans. "First the kids and now you. How many times will I have to say that I had nothing to do with it?!"

"Which kids are those? Which ones actually know about this?"

"April, Ram, Tanya, Charlie, and Matteusz. Oh, well, and Sophia Spencer, but that's unrelated." Kalei lets out a helpless laugh. "You're actually the only one to assume I'm the baby's other parent for weird alien reasons and not just because I actually have a penis. Which is – well, I'm not really sure what I think about that, except that I really love those kids."

"I mean, I've seen you naked, so I _know_ it's not the latter."

"… fair point. I forgot about that."

Sally stares at her, then starts laughing. "This is crazy."

"Welcome to what my life has been for the last month."

There's a brief silence.

"Wait, so if it's not _yours-_ " Sally's confusion fades into something thunderous. "Kalei, after all of this, did she – did she fucking cheat on you?"

"You can't cheat on someone you weren't monogamous with in the first place. We'd not _talked_ about that," Kalei says, sighing. "But she did sleep with someone else, yes. He was the one who helped free her, from the slavery."

"... okay, but that doesn't explain how she got _super_ pregnant in two weeks."

"Oh, uh, yeah. That's complicated. Some kind of time acceleration thing that happened accidentally, right after she got herself freed."

"Time acceleration?" Sally asks skeptically.

"... yeah I know, it sounds ridiculous."

"This whole thing is ridiculous. My head hurts."

"Yeah, that was me for a long while."

"But you're… okay with whatever went down? The whole weird accelerated pregnancy from some random guy? Wait, where's the guy now?"

"He died," Kalei says, biting her lip. "The trip to free her… wasn't easy."

"Oh. Shit."

"Yeah. But seriously, don't worry about how I feel about all this. I'm a lot more concerned with the pregnancy itself than I am with how it happened."

Sally takes several deep breaths, and when she looks up again, hurt is swimming in her eyes. "Kalei, seriously, why am I only hearing all this now? You've known all this shit for a month?"

"Since the chemistry lab blew up," Kalei says sheepishly. "That was us. Well, it was Quill, like she said. We were being attacked by a giant alien lizard. So Quill blew it up."

"Oh," Sally says, in the mild sort of way that gives Kalei the idea that she's simply run out of reactions. "... this is - this is actually the truth, isn't it? This is a real, actual thing that has been happening for ages and we've been too stupid to see it. Until, apparently, a giant alien lizard attacked you, and you started fucking a bitchy alien - _oh my god you're fucking an alien."_

Sally's hands are over her mouth, a new kind of horror and vague disgust in her eyes.

"Yeah, it took me nearly a whole bag of marshmallows to get my head around that one," Kalei says with a chuckle.

"But that's… I mean, isn't that-" Sally swallows. "I don't know how I should feel about that. Is it wrong? Should fucking aliens be something I shouldn't support?"

"She's an intelligent being, more intelligent than either of us, probably," Kalei says, shrugging. "It's a bit weird to think about, at first, but I don't see how there could be anything fundamentally wrong with it."

"I guess. It's just… yeah, really fucking weird." Sally arches an eyebrow. "Wait, so she's - she's the same as a human, right? Like… physically."

Kalei feels her cheeks burn. "Yes, Sally. I didn't actually know she was an alien until a week after I slept with her. Any differences are on the inside. She said something about how she used to look different, but I think the Doctor changed her and Charlie to look human before they came here."

"The Doctor?"

"Oh. Uh. Yeah. Some other alien who helped them escape their planet and brought them here. I don't know. It's not that important, he's just… I dunno. Some guy who looks and sounds like a grumpy Scotsman and seems to think he knows better than everyone else. I've only met him once; I still don't know too much myself, but I also don't think I need to know. You certainly don't."

Sally rubs her temple. "Um. Okay. I'll take your word for it, if only because there's already way too much here that _does_ seem important, that I can barely get my head around. I mean, do you know what did Quill used to look like?"

"She said I didn't want to know. I figured she was probably right."

"Charlie… she said she was his slave?" Sally asks. Her frown is more or less permanent, now. Kalei nods. "But why? And how? She's… Quill. How did that work?"

"Well, Charlie's people were oppressing hers, and one day they fought back," Kalei explains. "Quill ended up as the leader of the whole rebellion, and so when they got caught - well, the Rhodians called them terrorists, so they were punished. Except the punishment was slavery. It's this thing called an _arn_ , a creature that they put in the heads of the Quill people, that linked them telepathically to a specific Rhodia, forcing them to obey and protect them, or else be killed by the creature."

"That's… holy shit, that's horrible," Sally says, turning a bit green. "That's - hang on, doesn't the term 'terrorist' imply, like, bombings and stuff?"

Kalei swallows. "Yes. I think so. I… haven't asked about the details. I don't want to know. I know that she killed people, people who didn't deserve it-"

"Jesus Christ, Kalei, her being an alien is one thing, but a _murderer_ -"

"It's not murder in war, Sally," Kalei says sharply. "And they were desperate, _she_ was more desperate than either of us could ever imagine. It might be somewhat terrifying, but she was doing it for reasons I understand and sympathise with. So while it scares me sometimes, and I don't condone it, I can't hold it against her. Because, god knows, I might have done the exact same thing, in her position. She cares about her people more than anything. She did all of those things so that they could be free, and then not only did she lose whatever freedom she had left, but all of her people, and Charlie's, were killed anyway. Until about two weeks ago, she was a slave, and… for nothing."

"Oh shit, yeah, she mentioned all their people being killed, but I just - my brain wasn't having any of it," Sally says, eyes widening. "What happened there?"

"Well, there's a bit more to it, but basically it was just that another species invaded their planet and killed everyone. They were the only ones that escaped, and then, only because the Doctor helped them."

"That's awful."

"Yeah. They're both… they're still dealing. It's still only been a few months since it all happened, I think."

"God help me, I'm actually starting to feel bad for her," Sally mutters. "That's - I wouldn't wish that on anyone. No wonder she's so miserable all the time."

"Yeah. I think I'd be awful to almost everyone around me too, if it was the only choice left I could make in my life, like it was for her, until now."

"No, you wouldn't."

"... no, I wouldn't. It might have been worse because of the arn, but I guess a lot of it was just Quill being Quill."

"Can you at least _try_ not to look besotted while you're talking about her being a bitch?"

Kalei feels herself turn crimson, then shoves Sally playfully. "Shut up. I can't help it. It's part of her, and I lo-" Her hands clasp over her mouth, but it's just a bit too late, because Sally's jaw is almost on the floor.

"Jesus H Roosevelt Christ, Kalei," Sally says, shaking her head. It's not deprecating in any way. On the contrary, more than anything, Sally looks stunned. "I knew you were-"

"Don't," Kalei murmurs. "Please don't. I didn't say anything, and I haven't, and I'm not going to, because it is _far_ too early, and this has all been so quick, and for fuck's sake, as it is, I'm going to be a huge part of her child's life, and maybe that means that anything else shouldn't be so scary, but it is, all of it is, and-"

Kalei presses her lips together, forcing herself to not get overwhelmed. Sally puts her arm around her and pulls Kalei in to rest her head on Sally's shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay," Sally tells her. "Feelings are always scary. You'll figure it out. As much as it kind of freaks me out, you two really seem to have something real. Even if it has been fast and scary, and it's apparently even more interracial than we first thought."

Kalei laughs. "I think the term is probably 'interspecies.'"

"Well, it's just a word, just like other certain words that might be scary," Sally says, resting her chin on top of Kalei's head. "You'll be ok. Just focus on being with her and being happy. The rest will sort itself out."

"... are you pro-Quill now?"

"I'm pro-Kalei's happiness, which apparently means I'm pro-Quill by association."

"I love you."

"Yeah, I know."

"... sometimes she looks at me, and it feels like she _must_ feel more or less the same way I do, but then other times I just-" Kalei swallows. "She's such an _alien_ sometimes. It's impossible to be sure."

"She definitely seems to care about you. Even, like, by normal people's standards, not just by, like, Quill standards, in that she hates you less than everyone else. I'd try not to worry."

"Thanks," Kalei says.

"So… your life has been a mess of alien shit for the last month?"

"Pretty much."

"Well, after this, why don't you come to mine for dinner, and we'll watch Sister Act and have a bottle of wine, and you can keep telling me all about this crazy mess? Because I feel like I'm only getting the highlights."

Kalei feels her chest warm at the thought. "That sounds… so good." She sits up so she can look Sally in the eye. "I've been so… it's like I didn't even realise, but it was so lonely, keeping this from you. I missed you so much, even though you weren't gone-"

Sally hugs her properly. "It's okay. I know now. And we'll ride out the alien weirdness together."

"Okay, that sounds good. Should I go and get her, now?"

"Yeah, knock yourself out."

With a deep breath, Kalei stands up and walks down the corridor, approaching the door to Quill's bedroom, it opens before she can touch the handle. Quill is standing there, looking vaguely relieved.

"I thought you bleeding hearts were going to keep me waiting until my baby was middle aged," she remarks.

Kalei lifts an eyebrow at her and crosses her arms.

Quill looks fractionally sheepish. "... I mean… everything alright on the Liu front?"

"Yeah," Kalei says, feeling a huge grin spread across her face. "Everything's great. Really great. Sorry if it took a while, though."

"It's fine, I've just been reading about baby stuff on the Information Superhighway. I _am_ capable of keeping myself entertained, you know."

They return to the kitchen, where Sally has found a bottle of vodka and is pouring herself a shot, resulting in both Quill and Kalei lifting their eyebrows at her as they pause in the doorway.

"It's not even five yet," Kalei says.

"And that's _mine_ ," Quill grumbles.

"I just had to learn that aliens are real, that I work on a sci-fi hellmouth, that my best friend is fucking an alien who used to be a slave to one of my students, who is _also_ an alien, and that the first alien is pregnant with a baby that is not my friend's," Sally replies flatly. "I need at least one drink."

"Fair enough," Kalei says.

"You're seriously okay with the whole baby thing?" Sally asks.

"Well, she's still my girlfriend, she's just… going to be my girlfriend who has a baby."

"Urgh, don't remind me," Quill mutters, and then winces and glances down at her stomach. "Look, kid, it's nothing personal. You're just going to be incredibly inconvenient."

Sally is now wearing an expression of disgust. "Oh god. You're - she's going to be a mother. _Quill_ is going to be a mother." When the other two just stare at her, she adds, "Am I the only one who finds that _completely insane_?!"

"Oh, no, it's a complete cosmic joke," Quill says, snorting.

"It's _so_ weird," Kalei agrees.

"Okay, good, not just me, then," Sally says, with visible relief. "That's something, at least."

They fall into a silence.

"Alright, Quill, I'm going to do the typical best friend thing, here, which I've sort of already done but am gonna repeat, just because shit is clearly even more serious between y'all than I thought," Sally says, putting the shot glass down and approaching Quill, hands on her hips.

Quill, still holding her stomach, cocks an eyebrow. "Get on with it, then."

"You hurt her, and I will find a way to make your life a living hell," Sally tells her. "You sleep with anyone who isn't her, without her prior knowledge and consent, I will make your life a living hell. Your alien shit resulting in her coming to any harm? I will make your life a living hell. Are we clear?"

Kalei waits for the ridicule. But instead, Quill holds Sally's gaze.

"I'll keep it in mind," she says, simply.

Sally looks as surprised as Kalei feels. And then she nods. "Good." She gets her phone out and starts dialling a number. "I'll just let Cheng know that you're coming over, get him to make more for dinner."

"You're not staying?" Quill asks Kalei, disheartened.

Kalei grips Quill's hand and brings it to her lips to kiss it. "I need some best friend time. Things have been weird with Sally, before now."

Quill sighs. "Fine. I have a lot more baby names to get through anyway, I guess."

"Any decent ideas so far?"

"Not particularly. Your species has such incredibly dull names."

"Well, best of luck with it, then," Kalei says with a chuckle, and leans up to kiss Quill, only to be kissed back a fair bit more enthusiastically than she had been expecting, until Sally coughs, and they part. "I'll stay late tomorrow, I promise."

Quill nods. "I'll hold you to that. Have fun doing… whatever it is you're going to do."

"Watch movies, talk about girls, braid each other's hair. You know, the usual stuff," Kalei says with a grin. "And if you think I'm kidding, I'm not."

"No, that's more or less exactly what I always imagined you two doing, actually," Quill says, shrugging, "but then most of my ideas about your culture come from movies, so..."

Sally actually laughs. "God help me. Given enough time, I might actually like you, Quill. That might just be the scariest part out of all of this."

"Same for you, short stuff," Quill says, making Sally roll her eyes.

"Original nickname, well done."

"How tall _are_ you, anyway?"

"Five foot and a half inch, and don't forget the half inch!" Sally retorts, while Kalei mouths the last part of the sentence along with her word-for-word, which has some hilarious connotations that make Quill smirk. She's hit a sore spot, alright.

"Alright then, Half Inch," Quill says, "catch you later."

Sally lets out a noise of frustration and tries to drag Kalei from the room, only for Kalei to laugh, resist, and kiss Quill again in farewell, ignoring the tugging on her arm as she does so.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Kalei says.

"Yeah." Quill still doesn't look thrilled about her leaving. It's flattering, but also worries Kalei. The knowledge that she's more or less the only person in Quill's life that she wants to be around is… a bit frightening.

"Why don't you see how Tanya's doing? Or actually talk to the boys you live with?" Kalei suggests.

Quill lifts an eyebrow. "Why don't you run along and let me decide what to do on my own time?"

"Fair. I'm just saying, I'm not the _only_ person on this planet worth talking to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: the "don't forget the half inch" thing is a direct quote from my Nana, who says it whenever her height gets brought up. I couldn't resist when I realised how perfect it was for Sally. :P 
> 
> Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!


	39. The Failing of Good Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill and Kalei talk to Dorothea, in order to try and abate some of Quill's anger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing these three, it's always a wild time. (also cos, you know, they're my quiet lil poly ship too, but shhh we'll ignore that)
> 
> The full story behind the piano introduced in this chapter will be covered in a Matteusz centric Marlie oneshot about said piano, which will come out at some point in the next week or two, just fyi.

"Quill's agreed to an audience with me? At her own house?"

Kalei can't blame Dorothea for her surprise. The other woman is staring at her from the other side of the desk, through an expensive pair of glasses, looking shocked.

"It took a lot of persuading, but yes."

Dorothea swallows, and her expression softens a little, her fingers fiddling with her pencil. "I… calculated only a 24% chance of your success in such a negotiation."

"You must have overestimated how much she's against you."

"No, I don't think so," Dorothea says softly. "I simply don't think I'm used to anyone being in my corner for reasons that aren't professional."

Kalei feels that rush of pity hit her again. "Dorothea, we saved each other. You're my friend. Of course I was going to give you the chance you deserve to make up for your mistakes."

Dorothea smiles tightly. "Thank you, Kalei."

"I'll come back after last period? We could go over together. Like, in our own cars, but together."

"I have quite a few things I need to take care of, so I might need about an hour," Dorothea says, and Kalei nods, explaining she has marking she needs to get done anyway. "Alright then, that sounds lovely."

"I'll see you then."

* * *

 

 **Favourite Human:** Dorothea and I will be around a bit before 4:30, probably.

 **Questionable Decision #19:** That works, I believe the lounge will be occupied immediately after school anyway. Matteusz's fault.

 **Favourite Human:**?

 **Questionable Decision #19:** You'll see

Charlie and Matteusz have only been home ten minutes before the door is getting knocked on again, which confuses and annoys Quill until she remembers a conversation from Tuesday morning, before the boys had gone to school. Remembers Matteusz talking to her about the Tchaikovsky she had been listening to on the radio, then spotting his fingers making familiar movements against the dining room table.

" _... you play piano?" she had asked._

" _Yes."_

_Charlie had appeared in the doorway, then. "I never knew that."_

" _It never came up. We have been busy with aliens. And...other things."_

" _So you haven't been able to play, since you left home? Because we don't have a piano here?"_

" _There is piano at school, but never a good time to use it."_

" _Well… why don't we get one?"_

Quills smirks as she recalls how Charlie had looked to her, for permission, and how good it felt, how good it still feels, to now be the authority in the house. For him to defer to her, for him to finally be as afraid as he ought to be. Well, not afraid, exactly, but wary. Not afraid that she _will_ hurt him, but wary of the fact that she _could_.

It's a fucking fantastic feeling.

So now, sure enough, there is a piano being moved in on a little rolling platform, by - _ooh_. Two rather attractive males in their thirties and forties respectively, both with jeans just tight enough for her to be able to lean back against the kitchen counter, sip her decaf, and thoroughly enjoy the view.

Her afternoon is certainly looking up.

Once the piano is in place and the movers are gone, Matteusz and Charlie sit on the piano stool together, and the former starts playing something. Quill finds herself impressed, and gives a slow, small applause when he is finished, before going back to searching for 'not boring baby names' in her phone.

The boys start kissing in a way so tender that Quill pretends to gag, then makes a swift exit. She retreats to her room and listens to the faint piano sounds as she continues her baby research, briefly abandoning the name dilemma in favour of a Google search of 'what to do with a baby,' which leads her to an article by _Psychology Today_ entitled 'Five Things to NOT Do with Babies.' Seems like as good a place as any to start.

Apparently those five things are: ignoring them, leaving them to cry, leaving them alone, not holding them as much as possible, and punishing them. Huh. Good to know. Though, the idea of even holding a baby in any capacity, let alone on a constant basis, is simply too bizarre for her to even consider for any extended period of time. What do babies feel like? They're surely soft, and squishy, like all humans. They look even squishier than regular humans, from pictures Quill has seen and the odd real life encounter from a distance.

What if she holds it too tightly and breaks it? What if she drops it?

Actually, scratch that. She is a warrior of the Quill. She doesn't drop things. She will not drop her baby, if only because it would damage her reputation as a competent warrior.

She picks up her _Outlander_ book and starts reading that instead. Enough thinking about the somewhat terrifying prospect of motherhood for now. Once she hears the boys go back upstairs, she moves back into the lounge with her book. Kalei and Dorothea are due soon.

Sure enough, ten minutes later, Quill hears voices coming from outside the front door. She gets up, goes to one of the dining table chairs, rips the leg off, and grips it in her hand.

This happens to occur just as Matteusz walks back downstairs and into the kitchen, presumably to acquire snacks. He frowns at her.

"You know there are other objects that would be more effective weapons and not require the breaking of things?" he asks her. "For instance: frying pans."

"Yeah, but my fantasies involving beating Dorothea Ames to death are very specific," Quill replies as she weighs the chair leg in her hands and smiles.

Matteusz takes a moment to reply. He always impresses Quill with the lack of horror or exasperation he displays in reaction to the things she says, especially compared to everyone else she tends to speak with.

"Alright, but it is polite, when living with other people, to not destroy furniture," Matteusz says finally.

"I am Quill, so the amount of fucks I give about-"

" _Quill!"_ They turn to see a horrified Kalei coming through the doorway, Dorothea Ames behind her. "Did you forget our entire conversation about this?"

"Not remotely," Quill says, almost cheerfully. "I just think it's important that the Headmistress knows what will happen to her if I don't like what she has to say."

"It's alright, Kalei. My life was very nearly dull before she started threatening me with chair legs," Dorothea says, with a lifted eyebrow. "I don't know if I should be relieved or not that it isn't just school property you feel free to damage, Quill."

"I'd worry about _your_ personal property at the moment, _Dorothea_ ," Quill says, "specifically, your face."

"Quill," Kalei warns. "Put it down."

"No," Quill replies. "If she's everything you claim, I won't need to use it."

Dorothea glances at Kalei with interest, no doubt wondering just what claims Kalei has been making about her, before her eyes land on a rather confused Matteusz. "Ah. Mr Andrzejewski. How are you?"

"Well enough," he replies, "but feeling as though I have walked into something I perhaps should not have. A private conversation?"

"Uh, yeah, a bit," Kalei says with sheepish smile.

"In this case, I will be on my way." He moves to the pantry, grabs a packet of biscuits, and retreats out of the kitchen and back up the stairs.

"Is that a _piano_?" Kalei asks, eyes having journeyed to the living space where the new piano is set-up against the wall.

"Yeah, the boys wanted it, for Matteusz."

"Oh, how lovely," Dorothea says with a smile, clasping her hands together in front of her chest, a soppy look on her face.

"Shut up," Quill says, frowning. "We're not doing whatever kind of small talk this is. We're here - you're here - for a very specific reason. So can I get back to threatening you with a chair leg now?"

"No-" Kalei starts.

"If you really must," Dorothea says mildly.

Quill smiles. It holds no warmth. "Sit down, Headmistress."

Dorothea holds her gaze for a moment, in clear natural resistance to not being the one in charge, before moving to sit at one of the dining chairs. Once one of her legs is neatly crossed over the other, she arches an eyebrow at Quill, as if to say, _There, happy_?

Quill grabs Dorothea's chair, turns it around to face away from the table, and then looks down at the annoyingly calm woman sitting in it. Dorothea does nothing but hold Quill's gaze.

"Quill," Kalei meanwhile warns, but Quill has only eyes for Dorothea now.

"You have a lot to answer for," Quill says to Dorothea, pointing the chair leg at her.

"I know," Dorothea says simply.

"If Kalei weren't vouching for you, you and this chair leg would be getting much more intimately acquainted, which I think would be an appropriate response to you double-crossing me, causing the death of the father of my baby, and grossly invading our privacy-"

"Are you and the chair leg getting to a point, or are you not going to let me speak any time soon?" Dorothea asks impatiently. "I _do_ have a school to get back to, you know. It's not the easiest thing to run without the Governors."

"Shut up," Quill growls. "Kalei said you were sorry. But you don't _sound_ very sorry to me. This is your one chance at an apology I might listen to, _Dorothea_."

Dorothea swallows at the use of her name, some of her bravado fading to reveal a flash of guilt, of vulnerability. "I truly am sorry, Quill, I swear it. I pleaded with the Governors to find a way to save both you and Ballon, I did everything I could, but they really would have killed me if I had gone against them-"

" _Why did you set the gun to fire backwards_?" Quill demands, using her free hand to grab Dorothea's chin and hold it tightly, so she can use it to tilt her face up. Rage fills her chest as she remembers Ballon, remembers looking into his eyes and hearing his apology, remembers telling him to just shoot her -

"Because I was _told_ to-"

" _Were you lying to him?! Is his niece alive, and on this planet?"_

Dorothea swallows. "Yes. I was led to believe that she suffered a head injury upon her arrival that impeded her telepathic abilities, which would explain why Ballon was unable to sense her."

"Quill, let her go," Kalei says, voice firm, but concerned.

Quill relinquishes her hold on Dorothea, who massages her jaw lightly. Then, for good measure, Quill takes several deep breaths, because she had promised to try and believe Kalei, to make this work, and because she thinks she does believe Dorothea and what she's saying. Her free hand comes to rest on her stomach, and she takes a few more breaths.

"... wait, so Ballon's species is telepathic?" Kalei asks. "Quill's baby is going to be a… telepathic shapeshifter?"

"It does seem likely, yes."

"Fucking brilliant," Quill says, with a roll of her eyes. "Just what I need."

Dorothea lifts an eyebrow. "I'm sure you'll be more than capable, Quill-"

"Even if that is all true, which is still an 'if'," Quill starts, voice quiet, eyes intent on Dorothea, "I still have more than enough reasons to despise you. But you owe Kalei your life, and you owe me for Ballon. And she's right - you're powerful, much more powerful than you look. And she gave me an idea. So my deal for you, Dorothea, is very simple."

She can feel both sets of eyes on her; Kalei, confused and concerned, and Dorothea, expectant and almost eager.

"Oh?" Dorothea asks, softly. "And what might that be?"

"You use what power you have to ensure that no matter what comes through that tear, Kalei is safe," Quill tells her. "You use your power to protect her, at all costs. I will forgive you, for all of it, if you help me keep Kalei safe."

"Quill," Kalei says, with soft surprise.

"My first priority will always be this planet, not an individual person," Dorothea tells Quill.

"Well, seeing as we all live on this planet, Kalei included, that's absolutely fine," Quill replies, rolling her eyes. "But your second priority is Kalei's safety. Are we understood?"

Dorothea nods, eyes serious as they flick to Kalei and then back to Quill. "You have my word. As you say, I owe her my life, and I owe both of you so much more than a mere apology."

"Exactly. I have absolutely no intentions of seeing the name 'Kalei Jacobs' on Coal Hill's list of the dead."

"You - _this_ is enough?" Kalei asks, confused. "She protects me, you let all the rest of it go? Really?"

Quill can't fathom why Kalei doesn't seem to think this makes sense. She holds Kalei's gaze, feeling her heart in her throat. "I've watched every other person I've ever cared about be killed right in front of me, Kalei. I will never do so again, not one time more."

Her voice trembles a bit as she speaks, so she clenches her jaw and says nothing else. Kalei's eyes are wide and soft, and she crosses the room to kiss and then embrace Quill. She also doesn't flinch at the feeling of Quill's stomach, which the blonde counts as progress.

"I'll keep her safe," Dorothea says quietly, making them turn to look at her. There's a determination in her eyes. "I'll do everything I can to spare you both from that."

"Good," Quill replies. "I'll be holding you to that."

"And I'll certainly appreciate it," Kalei says, smiling at Dorothea. "Even though I already have you to thank for helping me not lose my mind, as I've done my best to explain to Quill."

Dorothea smiles back. "Which is, as I've said, much appreciated. Though I like to think that anyone in my position would have done the same."

"But not enjoyed it so much," Quill mutters.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Kalei rolls her eyes. "You could thank Dorothea for organising your leave, you know. She's been extremely discreet, and already found a long term substitute."

Quill lifts an eyebrow. "You've found someone already? Seriously, how does any normal human willingly work at a school with such a high body count?"

"We do a fair job of keeping that information mostly quiet," Dorothea sniffs. "And in this case, some twenty-two-year-old pretty boy with a Master's degree and a year's work on his PhD already under his belt, expressed interest, I'm assuming because he needs the money. Seemed as good as anyone, though I didn't have the time to do the usual, more extensive, background checks, since covering your classes was robbing me of the time I needed to organise such things."

"He's really sweet," Kalei says with a smile. "Also, queer in some capacity, which is nice."

"How do you know?" Quill asks.

Kalei grins. "Ah, that would be telling. I have to keep some secrets, don't I?"

Quill approaches her, a smirk on her lips. "Oh, yes, you have a real air of mystery around you, you're right, you should definitely hang onto that." They're close now, only a few inches between them. "... is my replacement prettier than me?" 

"No one's prettier than you," Kalei replies. "And besides, he's a child. Closer to the students' ages than mine. Why?"

"Just collecting information," Quill replies, eyes completely focused on Kalei's lips by this point.

"Uh-huh," Kalei replies sarcastically.

Quill kisses her hungrily, hands sliding into the curls of Kalei's hair, but then Kalei is pulling away, far too soon, which confuses Quill until she follows Kalei's line of sight and sees a rather awkward Dorothea still in one of the dining room chairs.

"I, uh, wasn't sure if you wanted anything more from me," she says, but it sounds like an excuse. Her eyes are just a little overbright as she looks at them.

"Get out of my house," Quill growls. "Your free voyeurism pass has been used already."

Dorothea flushes. "Well, yes. Quite."

"Quill," Kalei says, cheeks also burning.

"What? You've told me that you feel weird and unclean whenever you think about it, I'm just ensuring that doesn't happen again!" Quill says.

Dorothea's lips tighten, and she gets up. "Yes, I think I _should_ leave. I don't want to continue making you uncomfortable, Kalei."

"Bit late for that," Quill snaps.

"Shut up, Quill," Kalei says, wrapping her arms around herself. "Dorothea, look, it's not-"

"Next time, simply tell me the truth, and not that it's alright," Dorothea says to Kalei, guilt and hurt in her eyes. "I'll see you at school, but I promise to not bother you more than necessary."

" _Dorothea_ ," Kalei tries to say, but Dorothea is already out the door. Kalei turns back to Quill, indignance shining in her eyes. "Why did you do that?! She didn't need to know that!"

"I'm sorry? She didn't need to know how her actions made you feel? I think she definitely did," Quill says, scowling.

"They are _my_ feelings, and _I_ will decide who gets to know about them," Kalei retorts.

"She did that to _both of us-_ "

"Yes, but you didn't make it about your feelings, you made it about mine!" Kalei says, staring at Quill with complete disbelief. "Quill, she thinks I _lied_ to her, not that I'm just _very_ confused about how to feel about all of this! And despite everything, I _have_ forgiven her, and now that you've made that deal with her, you have to forgive her as well."

"She still needed to properly feel, at least once, the gravity of what she did to us-"

"Well, maybe you could have at least asked me first, because that's _my_ friendship with her you just fucked up, and no matter what I say to fix it, that's hurt that didn't need to be inflicted-"

"Yes, it did-"

"No, it _didn't_! And don't speak over me like that," Kalei says, crossing her arms, expression pained as her chest heaves with anger.

"I will, when you're being soft on someone who really doesn't deserve it."

Kalei's voice trembles when she speaks next. Quill has never seen her this _furious_. "No, you won't. Because that is _not_ the kind of respect that I deserve from my girlfriend, not ever. Say what you like about Dorothea Ames, but she's never treated me as any less intelligent than I am, and the same _cannot_ be said for you."

Quill feels rage in her chest. "Stop comparing me to her!"

"I will, when you stop giving me reason to!" Kalei shouts, only to immediately deflate and pinch the bridge of her nose. "You know what, I just - I can't do this right now. I need a break from… this. I'll see you on Saturday morning, before the funeral, okay?"

Kalei heads for the door, and Quill feels herself panicking.

"Kalei, wait, don't-"

"Goodbye, Quill," Kalei says, and Quill knows it isn't a _permanent_ goodbye, but something inside her hates, hates, _hates_ hearing it anyway.

"Saturday," Quill says, a little desperately.

"Yeah," Kalei mutters, before heading for the front door.

Once it slams shut, Quill curses and kicks a wall, making a dent, and then leans against it, willing herself to not start crying when she knows that this isn't a major disaster, that's it's just a stupid disagreement. It doesn't quite work. It's the _goodbye_ , it's Kalei choosing to walk away because she didn't want to be around Quill, even if it's just for a short time.

"I just wanted her to _know_ ," Quill says. "So she'd feel bad enough that she'd protect Kalei that much more."

The baby kicks, as if to say _I know, you meant well_. Or at least, that's what it feels like. Quill puts her hand on her stomach and looks down at it.

"I think I've royally screwed up, little one," she says, sighing. "I'm going to need to work on some very apologetic text messages."

* * *

 

Kalei marches into Dorothea's office on Friday morning, only for the Headmistress to tense up and immediately direct her gaze back to her papers.

"Dorothea," Kalei says, coming to a stop in front of the desk.

"Kalei, even with Mr Smith's appointment, I'm still incredibly busy-"

"Dorothea, I never lied to you," Kalei says firmly. "When I told you that I'd forgiven you for what you did, I meant it. I didn't tell you about the rest because it hadn't quite hit me yet, and when it did, I didn't see how telling you would help anything. I already knew you felt terrible for doing it-"

"Oh yes, I feel terrible, but do I feel terrible _enough_? Does it stop me thinking about what I saw? Replaying it in my head, over and over?" Dorothea asks, pencil against her lips, brow creased with the guilt that doesn't quite have the monopoly on her eyes.

Kalei fiddles with her glasses, shutting her eyes for a moment. "My god, Dorothea, think about it however much you like, but don't _ever_ tell me that again, or I really _will_ be too uncomfortable to continue this friendship."

"Do you even want to?"

"Yes!" Kalei says. "That's why I'm here! Because like I told Quill, you're the only reason I have any sanity left. It would have gone out the window in those days that she was unconscious if not for you! I'm not going to just forget that, not when I _know_ you need somebody."

Dorothea swallows hard. She looks like she's holding in tears. Her composure is impressive, whereas Kalei knows her own is awful.

"Now, let me hug you," Kalei says, trying to pull herself together, "because you seem like you probably need it, and Quill and I got into a fight after you left about all this, and I feel really shit about it, so I need one too."

"Oh dear." Dorothea looks sympathetic, but then gives her a little smile. "Well, how can I say no to an offer like that?"

She gets up from the desk and moves around it so that Kalei can hug her tightly, and it's a relief to do so. Dorothea's clean scent is comforting, and there's something about her that is soft, softer than Quill or Sally.

"Please don't be angry with Quill on my account," Dorothea says quietly, in her ear. "I don't think I could bear that."

"I just need some space from her. I'll talk to her about it on Saturday, before Mrs Adeola's funeral."

"Good, I'm glad to hear it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeeeeeeeah. I'm sorry. yell at me in the comments maybe?
> 
> (thanks for reading! and yeah pls let me know what you thought!)


	40. Mourning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vivian and Varun's funerals stir up some strange emotions in Quill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the mean cliffhanger. :P 
> 
> I promise, not too much angst between these two, I couldn't do that to them at this stage tbh. Probably.

[edit contact: Zombie Apocalypse Enthusiast]

[contact: Deserves Better]

**Questionable Decision #19:** _Kalei, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that._

**Questionable Decision #19:** _… fine, don't reply, then_

* * *

**Deserves Better:** _I was at school, Quill, teaching. You know, my job. I don't have every second of my life free to devote to you._

**Questionable Decision #19:** _I'm trying to apologise!_

**Deserves Better:** _Apologise on Saturday. I'm going to see some friends out of town for the evening. Have a good night._

* * *

After a night and day of Quill moving around the house like an angry savannah cat, Matteusz had made the mistake of asking Quill what was wrong, on Friday afternoon, when he had found her practically smashing the kitchenware together.

"You do not want to talk to me right now," Quill had warned, gritting her teeth. He had hesitated, seeming to debate whether he should listen or try to help her, but another glare shot his way decided the matter, and he had scurried off.

Now, as Quill gets dressed on Saturday morning in her nicest black dress, tights, and heels, before searching for a black coat to hide her pregnancy, she can't relax. She knows she won't be able to relax until Kalei arrives. Her phone has buzzed several times, but Quill has only glanced at the notifications to verify they imply that Kalei is coming, and not bothered to open them. She wants to _talk_ to Kalei, not text her.

Finally, Quill hears a knock on the door, and hurries to open it and see Kalei standing there.

"I-" Quill's words fail her, and she presses her lips together and steps back so that Kalei can step inside.

They walk to Quill's room in silence, and hover awkwardly. Finally, Quill finds it in herself to say the words that don't come naturally to her.

"I'm sorry, Kalei. I should have asked you first."

"Yes, you should have," Kalei says, simply. "I've smoothed things over with Dorothea, though."

"... good," Quill says. It's only a little reluctant. She's starting to accept that Dorothea's friendship really is important to Kalei. And if Dorothea really is the reason that Kalei wasn't a complete mess when Quill woke up, then maybe she does deserve some measure of forgiveness.

Kalei sheds her coat and starts checking her appearance in the mirror for something to do. Her dress is black and sleeveless, with a slightly flared skirt. Quill finds herself staring.

"You look weird in black," she says.

An odd laugh escapes Kalei. "I know. I hate wearing anything black that isn't lacy underwear. Even then, I tend to go for other colours."

"You don't have to tell me," Quill says, making Kalei laugh again. It's a comforting sound. "So… are you still angry at me?"

"I don't know," Kalei says, sighing, straightening up after applying her lipstick. "I accept your apology, and I forgive you. I just… still might be angry for a bit. But that's my problem, not yours. You've apologised, and I believe that you mean it and probably won't do it again. You've done everything I could ask for."

"Can I-" Quill's hands itch towards Kalei, needing to do something, needing some kind of contact, but not wanting to initiate without her consent.

Kalei hesitates, but then sees something in Quill's face, and softens, nodding. Quill steps in and rests her hand at the base of Kalei's neck, massaging the skin, fiddling with the curls at the nape of her neck.

Kalei lets out a tiny sigh, and her entire body relaxes.

"What time is it?" Kalei picks up Quill's phone to check, only to trail off when she sees the text notifications still on the screen. "I - Andy, what is this?"

Quill glances at the screen, where Kalei can see her own texts with the contact name 'Deserves Better.' "Oh. Yeah. That."

"Since when has _this_ been my name in your phone?"

"Yesterday morning? I don't know. I fucked up, you were mad, and I just… I don't know." Quill feels strange now, her chest telling her that she's done something wrong again, but she's not sure what.

Kalei's eyes are wide and watering. "Andy, no, please, don't ever, ever think that," she says, horrified. "Change it, change it right now."

"To what?"

"I don't care, just not that."

Quill takes the phone and frowns for a moment.

[edit contact: Deserves Better]

[contact: Favourite Human]

"Better," Kalei says, swallowing and putting the phone down. "I just… please tell me you don't think that. You've never seemed like you had self-esteem issues, not like _that_ , need for compliments aside."

"I don't," Quill says with a shake of her head, frowning. "It was just - you're still _you_. And when I do things like what I did on Thursday, all I can think is about how Sally and Tanya are right, and that surely you'd be better off with some human with less fundamental issues than me-"

"I don't want some human with less baggage, Andy," Kalei says, grabbing her hands. "I just want you. I've never - I've never wanted _anyone_ the way I want you. And you know what? It's terrifying, and you're terrifying, sometimes, but I wouldn't trade it for anything."

Quill feels like her heart is in her throat. "Oh."

Kalei nuzzles her nose, and Quill holds her tight and nuzzles back before kissing her softly, and Kalei can feel the remaining tension between them melt away.

"Now, enough about us. Today is about Tanya," Kalei says eventually. "Have you found a decent coat, yet?"

* * *

The funeral is being held at an Angelican church - Quill doesn't know what makes an Angelican church different from a Catholic one or a Baptist one, nor does she care. Tanya doesn't have time to speak to them, with so much family around her, but she meets their eyes as they come in and gives them a little nod of acknowledgement. Quill can see that it means a lot to her that they're all there, for some reason.

Quill and Kalei slip into the corner of the back row, so as few people as possible can have any clear view of Quill's stomach. The teenagers sit in the row in front of them.

A lot of the service is compromised of things Quill doesn't understand - religious readings and such - but when it comes to the eulogies, Quill finds a lump in her throat.

She's never seen grieving like this before. Quill are buried where they fall, given a minute of silent respect and mourning, and then their loved ones move on. There was never any time for ceremony, nor any of the wealth needed for one. But Quill, who has lost so many, is suddenly struck by the strange, powerful urge to have been able to give a farewell each and every person. Every fallen sister in her litter. Every friend, lost to starvation, every fellow soldier as the war started. Her lover. Orla'ath, even if she'd hated her as much as she'd loved her. Ballon.

It isn't until she feels Kalei's hand gripping hers tightly that Quill realises that there are tears running down her cheeks. She turns to look at Kalei, who is visibly concerned, but not shocked.

"Are you okay?" Kalei whispers.

Quill swallows. "I - I've just… never been able to say goodbye to anyone, not like this. I didn't even - I didn't even realise it was something I wanted. Or... needed."

Kalei grips her hand even tighter. "We could do something for them-"

Quill shakes her head, but is moved by the suggestion all the same. "No. They are buried and mourned, I will not dig them out of my heart only to do so again."

Kalei bites her lip, looking close to tears herself. "Okay. If you're sure."

"It's Tanya's turn," Quill says, and they turn their attention back to the service.

Tanya is at the podium. She stands alone, her brothers some way behind her, and she looks out over the crowd, past the people in the front rows until her eyes find her friends, and her two teachers.

Her eyes find Quill's. There's half a second's surprise there - probably because Quill must look like a mess, from the crying - but Quill keeps her gaze steady, and gives a tiny nod of encouragement, and she sees something strong take up in Tanya, sees her chin lift a little, her back straighten.

Tanya talks about her mother. About her strict rules, but leniency on things like ice cream, and the late night conversations they would have over a bowl each if Tanya had had a nightmare. Her eulogy lacks the organisation that the others had, and Quill realises that if she had planned a speech, this is not it.

It's raw, and aching, and beautiful to witness. Quill barely knew Vivian, but the more she hears, the more she is convinced she might have actually liked her.

Finally, Tanya runs out of words (or else, the strength to convey them), and is embraced by her brothers.

As the service ends, Quill and Kalei slip out to find the bathroom, where Quill tries to clean herself up, dabbing around her eyes where her eyeliner is running.

"I don't know if I can do this again tomorrow," Quill mutters, thinking back to when Matteusz had, on the drive to the church, mentioned that Varun's service is tomorrow. "I will, of course, but-"

"But it hurts," Kalei finishes, and Quill nods. "Yeah, I know. But just imagine how _they_ feel. They're so brave, and so strong."

"Yeah," Quill says, more under her breath than anything else.

Kalei hugs her around the shoulders, which makes her feel fractionally better, and so she turns to kiss Kalei gently, nudging her nose and feeling that sense of comfort flood her body.

When they emerge from the bathroom, they spot the kids not too far off. They're all hugging Tanya.

"That was very interesting, from a cultural perspective," Quill says as they approach the group.

Tanya looks pleased to see them, her eyes lighting up, but they also linger on Kalei, taking on an odd quality. It's almost amusement, but not quite.

"It's _weird_ seeing you in black," Tanya says to Kalei.

Quill finds herself smirking. "That's what I said."

Kalei just adjusts her glasses, biting back a smile. "It's strange for me too."

"We're going to go now," Quill tells them, since there's no point in drawing out small talk when there's the danger of strange adults trying to engage them, which is bad enough in general, but especially when Quill is supposed to be keeping a low profile. "I'm to return to my Mystical Pregnancy House Arrest."

This makes several of the others snort, including Kalei.

"We'll see you later, Tanya," Kalei tells the girl, moving in to hug her quickly.

"Yeah. Thanks for coming, Miss."

"Remember, you can call me Kalei if we're outside of school, at this point."

"Oh yeah. I keep forgetting, it still feels a bit weird. I'll get there, though," Tanya says sheepishly.

"You spoke well," Quill tells her, with a minute nod of approval.

Tanya swallows. "Thanks."

"Anyway, we're going," Quill says.

"Okay," Tanya replies, "See you guys later."

Quill feels Kalei entwine their fingers as the maths teacher says goodbye to all the other teens present, which makes up for Quill's complete lack of effort in that area. Then they make their way for the exit and Kalei's car.

Quill feels exhausted the moment she's in the passenger seat. "Can we just… lie on the couch and eat chocolate while watching some stupid movie? I'm exhausted, this dratted thing keeps kicking me when I'm trying to sleep."

"Don't call it a dratted thing."

"It is, though."

"It's your baby, and you're going to love it the moment you're holding it, so be nice."

"That sounds like an extremely large assumption based on human experiences," Quill says, with a derisive snort, "which are not necessarily in any way going to apply to me."

"You told me you'd sooner cut off one of your arms than give that baby up, so as far as I'm concerned, you're not any different on this front."

After a couple of minutes, Quill realises that Kalei has made a strange turn.

"Hang on, this is the way to your place."

"I was thinking we could bring Xenophilius with us. God knows we could use a cat to cuddle right now."

Quill's heart pangs. "Yeah. That would be - that would be good."

They drop into Kalei's, put Xenophilius in his cat box and grab the litter box for good measure, and then head to Quill's. The boys are in the kitchen when they arrive, and the teenagers look at the cat box with surprise.

"Oh! It's your cat," Charlie exclaims.

"No, we just kidnapped this one," Quill retorts, as she takes Xenophilius out of his cage and holds him to her chest.

Charlie cocks an eyebrow. "I've seen this cat before, Quill, remember?"

"Oh. Yeah."

"What is his name?" Matteusz asks, reaching out to pet the cat.

"He's called Xenophilius," Kalei says with a smile.

"Hello Xenophilius," Matteusz says to the cat as he scratches behind his ears. "I am Matteusz. You must be very special, to be friends with Miss Quill."

"Not so much special as just not an irritating teenager," Quill says. Charlie, meanwhile, is hanging back and regarding the cat somewhat warily. This doesn't go unnoticed.

"You're allowed to pet him too, Charlie," Kalei says, with amusement.

"I, uh, I'm not sure how," Charlie admits.

Matteusz chuckles, and looks at Charlie in the way that usually makes Quill want to gag. As it is, she just glances at Kalei, who is smiling at the two of them. "Here," Matteusz says, taking Charlie's hand and moving it rest on Xenophilius's back. "See? You just stroke him, like this. Like you do with my hair, all the time."

"Goddess give me strength," Quill mutters, making a disgusted face, while Kalei's expression grows even sappier.

"Oh," Charlie says, pleasantly surprised as he pets the cat. "This is - quite nice, actually. What were you doing with his ears?"

"Cats like being stroked behind their ears," Matteusz says, demonstrating. Xenophilius starts purring loudly. "See?"

"That's one of the strangest noises I've ever heard," Charlie says with alarm. "That means it likes it?"

"He, not it," Quill corrects, stepping back so that the cat is out of their reach. "And yes _he_ does like it. And that's a brilliant noise."

"No need to get so defensive, he's just a cat," Charlie responds.

Quill's eye twitches. She takes a deep breath, clenches her jaw, and turns around without another word. She sits down on the couch with Xenophilius in her arms, hand stroking over his fur as she pointedly gives Charlie the cold shoulder.

Kalei giggles. "I think you just personally offended her."

"I can still hear you, you know."

"Good! You get iffy about _my_ cat's pronouns, but call your unborn baby an 'it' or 'dratted thing'-"

"Or 'whoops'," Quill supplements helpfully, making Kalei facepalm.

"You're the worst."

That's about when everyone in the room gets distracted by Xenophilius wriggling out of Quill's arms only to lie across Quill's curved stomach, draping himself over it in an arch and settling while everyone in the room just stares.

"Oh my god," Kalei breathes. "Quill, don't move." She whips out her phone to take several pictures, and Matteusz snaps a couple of his own.

"What? He's just lying on my stomach," Quill says, confused.

"I know, and it's so funny and adorable," Kalei replies, smiling so hard that Quill is sure it must be hurting her face muscles.

Quill rolls her eyes, before addressing the cat himself, who has his eyes shut and is purring as her hands run over his head and back. "Yeah, you've got the right idea. I don't know what the hell they're on about either."

Kalei moves to drop onto the couch next to Quill so that she can cuddle up into her side and lean down to kiss the top of Xenophilius' head.

"You two are my favourite grumps with a debilitating lack of fucks to give," Kalei says fondly, kissing Quill next for good measure.

"That's a title that Xenophilius and I will happily share," Quill replies, her lips curling.

She kisses Kalei again, and chases her lips when Kalei tries to break away after a few seconds. Quill can feel Kalei's smile as she kisses her back with new enthusiasm, and when Kalei bites Quill's lip, Quill deepens the kiss as best she can with her hands buried in Xenophilius' fur.

When they finally break for oxygen, which isn't for a considerable length of time, they aren't surprised to see that Charlie and Matteusz have disappeared.

* * *

It's about a twenty minute drive to the Gurdwara Sikh Sangat, in Bow. They take Kalei's car, with Quill in the passenger seat and Charlie, Matteusz, and Tanya in the back.

Ram smiles at sight of his friends, but looks surprised - just for a moment - to see Quill and Kalei. But then he nods, and Quill nods back. There had never been a discussion about whether to go to Varun's funeral. It was simply… what felt right. They were there for Tanya, and now they will be there for Ram.

Quill has always abhorred the idea of them all being a 'team,' always found it nauseating and just another aspect of her wretched enslaved existence. But now, now that she is free to make her own choices, now that it feels like she can breathe again, and make something of herself, live for the first time without a greater power weighing on her… she can't deny that where she is, being surrounded by these teenagers, feels right.

Goddess knows why, but it does. And so, here she will stay. And here she will be, for Ram, as she had been for Tanya.

Quill sits between Kalei and Tanya through the service, and the former holds her hand again throughout, because Quill's crying again. Not quite as much as at Vivian's funeral, but enough. It's the same feelings getting stirred up again, the feelings of injustice at never being able to mourn in this strange, wondrous way.

When it's over, Quill and Kalei are quick to give the teenagers their space - without being as close to Ram personally, in either case, it seems more fitting to give him another nod or two of acknowledgement, and receive one in return, and then retreat to the car to wait for the others.

Only April is going to the wake. The Sidharan Path, something that needs to be organised as part of the Sikh mourning traditions, is something that Kalei attempts to explain only to admit her own lack of knowledge. They turn to Google as they sit in the car waiting, only to find that while it helps a little, they might just have to accept that they're going to remain partially ignorant in this respect until they can ask Ram about it at another time.

Finally, Tanya and the two gay lovebirds make their way to the car and get into the backseat.

The drive back to Shoreditch is quiet. What does one say, after these sorts of things? Luckily, it doesn't seem to be a question just an alien would ask; none of the humans seem to know how to act either. It's almost comforting for Quill, to know that humans don't have flawless social scripts either, at least not about _everything_.

After dropping off Tanya on the way, the two couples arrive home and immediately pair off to the respective bedrooms.

Quill and Kalei lie on Quill's bed facing each other, with Xenophilius between them.

"Don't go," Quill says quietly, as her hand absently strokes over the curve of Kalei's hip. "Not today, not after these funerals."

Kalei sighs. "I shouldn't - I need to-" She bites her lip. "If I do, I'm leaving early tomorrow morning, to go home before school. I need fresh clothes and to take Xenophilius home."

"Fine. I just…" Quill closes her eyes for a moment. "I just don't want to be alone, tonight."

Kalei kisses her. "Neither do I."

* * *

"Thanks again for doing this," Kalei tells Tanya, as they make their way through the library after school on Monday, the last day before Christmas holidays. "I think it'll be so good for both of you."

"Why are you being so weird about this?" Tanya asks, frowning at her. "What do you mean, _good for both of us_? And you don't need to thank me, she's paying me, remember? You helped organise that?"

"I'm not being weird about this," Kalei says, panicking a little. She adjusts her glasses and tries to gather some cool. "I'm just - look, it's hard to explain, but you're two of my favourite students, so the idea of you two hanging out in any capacity is just… nice, okay?"

Tanya shakes her head, with a little grin. "You're such a dork, Miss."

"Proudly," Kalei replies, grinning back, feeling her chest relax as Tanya's suspicion fades. "Oh, great, there she is."

They make their way to a table where Sophia is sat with several textbooks and a couple of notebooks spread about her. She looks up from her phone and smiles nervously at them as they approach.

"Hey, Miss Jacobs," Sophia says.

"Okay, so," Kalei says, excitedly, "Tanya Adeola, meet Sophia Spencer. And vice versa."

"Hi," Sophia says shyly, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Hey." Tanya slides into the seat opposite her, dumping her bag on the edge of the table. "So you're in Year 10, right?"

Sophia nods. "Yeah. I'm doing okay - better than most people in Physics, I think - but Mum wants me to do better. I'm finding it a bit easier with Mr Smith teaching instead of Miss Quill-" She cuts herself off, turns pink, and looks at Kalei, who just grins at her.

"Don't worry, I'm not unaware of the fact that she's terrible at her job," Kalei says. "Anyway, I'm going to get on and leave you two to it."

She smiles at them one last time, then turns around and heads back to her classroom. She bumps into Luke on her way - she was rounding a corner with too much bounce in her step and not enough mindfulness in her everything else.

"Oh! Sorry," Kalei says, righting her glasses.

Luke smiles. "Don't worry about it."

"How are you settling in?"

"Yeah, good, I think," Luke says. "The teaching part isn't that difficult, really. Some of them don't take me too seriously, but I think I'm getting better at dealing with them."

"You'll get the hang of it."

"I've faced worse than teenagers like them."

Kalei laughs. "Oh yeah? Like what? In my experience, a class of disrespectful, unruly teens can be one of the worst things _ever_."

Luke, for some reason, flushes. "I, uh. Well. It's not important what it was, just that I did."

"Hey, whatever works for you."

"Oh, also, I wanted to say thank you," Luke adds, making Kalei frown at him with confusion. "Sky told me about what you did for them in your class."

"Oh," Kalei says, blinking. "Well, it's important to me that all of my students are respected. I suppose not every teacher is so accommodating?"

"The Headmistress has been fairly good about it, but she can't control everything in this school. But it's okay, Sky's used to it. People like you and Sally help a lot."

"Speaking of Sally, I've got to run and meet her," Kalei says, apologetically. "Marking date with wine, you know?"

"Oh, right, sorry. I didn't mean to delay you."

"You didn't. But you have a good holiday, Luke. Merry Christmas."

He smiles brightly. "Merry Christmas."

* * *

Kalei and Sally have a great time chatting over their marking with glasses of wine, Kalei going further into stories she had shared on Wednesday night -when Sally had braided one side of her head into cornrows as they watched Sister Act, and Kalei had gone into detail on more of the Quill and Coal Hill happenings. By the end of that night and this, Sally knows about everything from April's heart to Ram's leg to what happened to Varun and Vivian.

Once she leaves Sally's, Kalei stops in at Quill's for dinner, and they listen to Matteusz teaching Charlie how to play piano, while Kalei teaches Quill how to play checkers.

There's something comfortable about it all. It feels right, to be with Quill and the boys, but the implications of that are a bit scary, so she tries to just focus on the fact that she's happy and content.

The baby kicks when she hugs Quill goodbye, making Kalei jump.

"Goodbye, little one," Kalei tells it, part of her wanting to touch Quill's stomach where the kick had come from, but most of her still not comfortable enough to do so.

"I think she agrees with me that you should stay here whenever possible," Quill says with amusement.

"Shh," Kalei says, grinning as she kisses Quill goodbye. "I'll see you tomorrow., nice and early, because no school."

"Fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, they're okay, they're just fine. Just sad about the people they've lost. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!


	41. Preparation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting Quill's baby into the world without killing her isn't going to be the easiest feat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's recommended to read [The Forms and Names We Wear](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9518318), my pre-series oneshot about Quill and Twelve, just for some extra emotional context about where I've got their relationship.
> 
> Oh, and I will write a proper Christmas oneshot that covers the mentioned Christmas shopping in the opening paragraphs. At some point.

The next day, Christmas holidays begin, and Kalei finds herself trying to teach Quill and Charlie about Christmas with the help of all the other kids. They'd made a trip out to buy the decorations earlier in the day, with Quill in another strategically large coat.

That had been… an experience.

"So the entire point of this holiday is to pretend that a jolly older man in a red suit invades people's homes to give them presents he somehow knows they want, and then also exchange gifts with each other?" Charlie asks as he and April drape tinsel over the fake tree.

"Well, okay, yeah, if you say it like _that_ it sounds weird," Tanya says, rolling her eyes.

"It is also religious," Matteusz adds. "Many people believe that it is the day that the son of God was born, long time ago."

"Oh yeah, that Jesus bloke," Quill says, nodding. "You know, I've been reading about him, and it honestly sounds like his own followers don't know what he actually stood for."

Matteusz nods. "Yes, this is very much true, actually."

Before Kalei can work out how or if she wants to contribute to this turn in the conversation, the air is filled with a strange metallic wheezing noise, and a large wooden blue box materialises in the living space. It's labelled 'Police Public Call Box'.

"Oh my god, is that _him_?" Ram asks, eyes wide.

"I mean, it has to be," April replies.

"Um," Kalei says, frowning at it. "What is that, and why does everyone but me seem to know about it?"

"It's the Doctor's ship," Charlie says. "He must be back for, you know. The… baby… thing."

Sure enough, the head of unruly silver curls pokes out of the box's doors. At the sight of them, the Doctor breaks into a large grin.

"Hey, look who it is! The whole team, plus the surprise maths teacher," he says, stepping out of the box. "You, football one, how's the leg?"

"Uh, yeah, good, mostly," Ram says. "It just took a while, like you said."

The Doctor comes to a stop in front of April, eyes widening. "You're alive."

"Yes."

"Even though the Shadowkin are dead, and you were sharing a heart with their king," the Doctor adds, stunned.

"Yes."

He clasps her on the shoulder and gives her a genuine smile, one that makes his eyes twinkle just a fraction. "That's the best news I've had all week. I was… afraid to ask, last time I was here."

"Look, please tell me you're here to tell me you've found a way to me to have this thing without dying," Quill says impatiently.

The Doctor grins as he turns to look at her. "That is, in fact, _exactly_ why I'm here. I've found a hospital in your home galaxy - a few dozen centuries down the line - that is equipped with the latest technology and the most capable doctor of multi-species medicine I've ever found. So if you're ready, I'd say it's time we get this baby out into the world, before it decides to try the traditional route."

Quill nods. "Good. Let's go. Kalei?" She takes Kalei's hand and moves in the direction of the box.

"May we come also?" Matteusz asks, taking Charlie's hand, and making Quill blink at him. "I know things are… complicated, but-"

"Yeah, sure, whatever, as long as you're quick about it," Quill replies. Matteusz beams and he and Charlie head into the blue box, only for the former to let out an exclamation of shock and awe.

"What about us?" Tanya asks, looking at April and Ram. "I mean, no way are we missing the chance to go to a hospital in _space_ -"

"You're my padawan, you're welcome wherever, just like I say, be quick about it," Quill says, nodding towards the box. Before Ram or April can even open their mouths, she adds, "And you two? If you're coming, hurry up."

They scramble into the box with big grins, until finally, it is only the adults left in the living room. The Doctor's eyebrows are up.

"It's my ship," he says with a frown, glancing inside, "it would have been polite to ask."

"We're a _team_ , remember?" Quill mocks, rolling her eyes and tugging Kalei inside.

Kalei had heard the description of 'bigger on the inside' in regards to this ship - the name of which she simply can't remember for the life of her - when Quill had been telling her about it, but it's one thing to hear it and imagine it, and another thing entirely to actually see it.

"Oh wow," she says.

The room is larger than a classroom, and round, with dim lights casting the room in a dark blue hue. It is dominated by a central set of controls, the middle column of which stretches to the ceiling. The walls are decorated with roundels and there's a balcony with bookshelves and an armchair.

"This is… oh my god, I'm in a _spaceship_ ," Kalei says, covering her mouth. "Oh god, the sci-fi nerd in me can't handle this. If fifteen year old me knew that I'd end up here-"

"Fourteen year old me _is_ here, and I'm barely handling it," Tanya says from nearly, her body almost shaking from excitement.

"Quill, just, hold me, okay, I need a minute," Kalei says, to a confused Quill, who reaches out to hold her by the shoulder, making Kalei laugh hopelessly. "Okay. Not what I meant, but thanks for trying."

"You're going to want to hang onto something that isn't me," Quill says to Kalei as the Doctor moves around the controls and starts operating them.

Kalei wants to ask why, but decides to trust Quill's advice, and takes a hold of the nearest railing in mimicry of how Quill has already done so. She notices that Quill has also planted her feet in a grounded power stance - though how effective those tend to be when one is wearing high heels, Kalei has no idea.

Sure enough, a few moments later, the ship lurches, and all the teenagers almost end up on the floor - even Charlie, who surely should have known better. Still, his misfortune makes Quill smile, which is nice to see.

The ship lands with the same noise it had arrived and taken off with - it's an odd noise, Kalei isn't sure if she likes it or not - and Quill glances to the door apprehensively when they are done. Which is… fair enough, all things considered about what waits outside that door, actually.

Kalei slips her hand into Quill's. "It's going to be okay."

"Provided I don't die," Quill retorts.

"We'll be doing everything possible to avoid that," the Doctor says, appearing from around the other side of the console.

"Wait, is… you dying… a _likely_ thing?" Tanya asks, her concern mirrored by all the others except Charlie, whose expression is impossible to read.

"Quill usually die in childbirth and are then consumed by their young," Charlie explains. April, Ram and Tanya make appropriately horrified faces while Matteusz looks worried but not surprised, having clearly heard this much before.

"But, we also normally have babies with other Quill, and have entire litters. In this case, father wasn't a Quill, and there's definitely only one in here, so this isn't a normal Quill pregnancy. Which is almost definitely a good thing," Quill says, hand on her stomach. "Alright, Doctor, let's do this."

With that, the group step out into a brightly lit hospital waiting area, filled with a smattering of patients of various species, shapes, and colours. None of them seem overly concerned about the large blue box that has just appeared in the corner of the room, though a few glance curiously in their direction before returning to their datapads and magazines.

"Oh my god," April says quietly, awed. "They're like, real, proper aliens."

"This is so cool," Tanya agrees.

"This is… weirder than I expected, which in hindsight, was dumb of me," Ram admits.

"It is nice, I think, to see aliens that are not trying to kill anyone," Matteusz says, with that easygoing smile of his, and when Charlie coughs, Matteusz just grins and kisses the corner of his mouth. "Other than you, of course."

Charlie smiles, appeased, and takes his hand for good measure.

"It's this way, we have an appointment," the Doctor says. "You lot, probably stay here, yeah? Just Quill and the girlfriend."

The teenagers nod and move to sit in the nearby seats, whispering excitedly amongst themselves while casting glances around the room. Quill and Kalei meanwhile follow the Doctor down the corridor, and then into a room where a man with lilac skin and tight dark curls of hair is sitting behind a desk. He beams upon seeing them.

"Ah, you must be Quill," he says to Quill, who looks at the man whose desk nameplate reads 'Doctor Ha'aral'.

"How do you pronounce your name?" She asks, narrowing her eyes at the nameplate.

Ha'aral smiles and says it for her, and she repeats it a couple of times until he is nodding with encouragement. "Wonderful. The Doctor said you go by Andrea, amongst the humans?"

"Yes, but everyone just calls me Quill."

"Yes, he also mentioned that. You realise the inconvenience of your choosing to be addressed by your species name? From a medical standpoint?"

Quill simply arches an eyebrow, to plainly say _no, and should I care?_

Ha'aral seems to find this vaguely amusing, and shakes his head. "Well, Quill, it's very nice to meet you." He crosses his arm over his chest as he speaks, so that his hand is in a fist over his shoulder. Quill's eyes are wide at the gesture, and then, belatedly, she performs the same movement, but more fluidly.

"And you," she says, a little bemused, but surprisingly genuine. "You… you know my culture?"

Ha'aral's expression becomes more grave as he sits back down. "Not truly, not as much as I would like. But I've done as much research as has been possible, ever since the Doctor came to me with your dilemma. Please, sit." He gestures to the chairs opposite his desk, and they fall into them, Quill in the middle with the other two either side of her.

"So, what you're saying is you don't actually have any experience with her biology?" Kalei asks, frowning.

"There's no way he could, Rhodia never got very far with space travel, we only ever had a few offworld visitors, to my knowledge," Quill says, before Ha'aral can reply. "And of course, those visitors only ever dealt with the Rhodia anyway. It's not really physically possible for anyone not of Rhodia to have proper experience with Quill biology."

"Exactly," Ha'aral says, with a slightly apologetic smile. " _But_ , the Doctor was able to provide me with the results from his ship's infirmary's scan of you, Quill, from before and after he changed your form. Between that and my own personal research since, I'm fairly confident that we can make a solid, informed go of this."

Kalei swallows. "So you're still guessing?"

"It's not as though we've got any better options," Quill says, shrugging. "I'll take what I can get. It sounds like I'll still be better off here with him than anywhere else."

"My plan is simple enough," Ha'aral says, "sedating the parent in question and then making a surgical incision to remove the baby is a tried and true method, going back centuries."

"I'm not comfortable with being sedated in the presence of strangers," Quill replies without missing a beat. "It goes against every instinct I have, being that vulnerable."

"Quill, you don't want to be awake for that," the Doctor says to her quietly. "Even with the anaesthetic, it would be hell. And, frankly, as far as I can tell you distinctly lack the patience to just lie there while they operate on you."

Quill makes a face. "Shit. There's a point." She glances at Kalei. "Kalei-"

"I can't," Kalei says, on reflex, without entirely meaning to. She clasps her hand over her mouth when Quill looks at her with hurt and bewilderment, something almost akin to betrayal.

"Kalei-"

"I'm sorry, Andy, I wish I could more than anything," Kalei tells her earnestly, feeling awful, like the worst person in the entire universe for having to deny her like this. She grabs Quill's hand and squeezes it. "But I just - I'm sorry, but the thought of being in there, watching, I... couldn't do that. Not even going into the fact that I'm squeamish, I would go completely out of my mind having to see you like that. I can't just stand there and watch them cut you open. I really, really can't. I'm sorry."

Quill swallows, and nods. "I… I understand. Fair enough."

"But I'll be there when they put you under, and when you wake up, I promise," Kalei says, dipping her head to kiss the knuckles of Quill's hand.

"I'll stay in the operating room," the Doctor says to Quill, holding her gaze with those powerful eyes of his, and reaching out to grip her other hand. Kalei is surprised when Quill doesn't flinch away from the touch. "Then you won't be with strangers. I'll be there. I won't let anything happen to you, Quill."

Kalei knows very little about the Doctor, and even less about his relationship with Quill. But she'd certainly never expected it to run deep enough that Quill would squeeze his hand back and look at him with open, genuine gratitude. There's something soft in her gaze as she looks at him.

"Thank you," Quill whispers.

"I just have some questions for you, and then we can hopefully move to preparations for the surgery," Ha'aral says to Quill, who nods.

The moment Kalei hears the words 'second womb', her stomach turns and she completely shuts out the anatomical conversation, staring at a spot on the wall behind Ha'aral and mentally rapping the entirety of _Guns and Ships_ and _Satisfied_ from Hamilton to keep her mind elsewhere until she feels Quill's hand on her shoulder.

"Kalei?" Quill asks.

"Sorry," Kalei says immediately, feeling bad. "I just… like I say, squeamish. Was trying to tune you guys out."

"Fair enough. This stuff is gross."

"I'm just going to run a couple of quick tests, and then we'll be prepping Quill for the surgery," Ha'aral explains.

The tests, conducted in a room some way down the corridor, are blood, saliva, and urine samples, along with a full body scan from a diagnostic robot. Afterwards, Ha'aral seems satisfied.

"Yes, I think everything is aligning perfectly with what biological information I already had, and had surmised," he says to Quill. "I'll leave you in the hands of my very capable nurses, and make the necessary arrangements." With that, he and the Doctor head off to do just that.

Once Quill is in plain hospital garments - which apparently, don't really change, even almost thirty centuries into the future - and looking fairly uncertain in an extremely squishy hospital bed, they call in the teenagers.

"Finally," Ram says as they all file in. "That was taking forever."

"Well, I wasn't about to rush the man whose hands I'm about to put my life into," Quill says to him.

"Definitely a smart move," April agrees.

"You sure you're going to be okay?" Tanya asks Quill, moving closer to her bedside, proper concern on her face.

"Oh yeah, I'm 100% certain that absolutely nothing could possibly go wrong with doctors not entirely familiar with my biology cutting me open to remove the parasite living in my body that will kill me if allowed to remain inside," Quill says flatly.

Tanya doesn't look happy about her response, pain flashing through her eyes for a moment before her face settles into a hard mask.

Kalei frowns. "Please don't talk like that. A bit of optimism is healthy, you know."

"Debatable," Quill retorts.

"My god, you're going to be a mum," April says, awed, with a funny little grin as she regards Quill. "How does that feel?"

"Potentially more terrifying than the impending surgery," Quill says without missing a beat. "But you know, one problem at a time, I figure."

"Do you… actually _like_ kids?" Ram asks.

"No," Quill replies.

"... okay."

"But I do seem to care about this one, which I suppose is probably a good thing, maybe," Quill says, glancing down at her stomach dubiously and running her hand over it.

"Did you ever find any baby names you liked?" Kalei asks.

"It's impossible to know until I see the kid, really," Quill says, shrugging. "I can't understand how you people pick the names in advance. You have to look into someone's eyes, and _see_ them, before you can even possibly consider naming them." She makes a face, more serious now. "But… if I don't make it and the baby does, name her after her father."

This is addressed to Kalei - who is the only one in the room who knows the name of the father anyway - and she feels a huge lump in her throat.

"Please don't talk like that."

"I have to be prepared to every eventuality."

"I don't care."

Charlie doesn't look overly happy either. "Quill-" He starts suddenly, only to stop, having lost his nerve. When he speaks again, he's not quite looking at her, not at first. "Try not to die."

Quill arches an eyebrow. "I'll do my best."

The others chime in similar sentiments, wishing her luck, that they hope she makes it through okay. Tanya looks close to tears when she says hers, suddenly, and Kalei realises how terrifying it must be, to be a new orphan facing the potential loss of one of the only other adult figures in one's life.

Once the teenagers leave, it's just Quill and Kalei.

Kalei sits by Quill's bed, fingers entangled with hers. "You're going to be fine."

"Are you reassuring me, or yourself?"

"Shut up. What did - did Doctor Ha'aral actually give you an idea of what the likelihood of something going wrong is?" She knows she hasn't quite pronounced his name right, and normally that would bother her a lot, but right in this moment she can't bring herself to care much.

Quill shrugs. "Not really, just that it _is_ a possibility. This isn't technically something they've done before, even if it is for the most part incredibly simple. One of the most mundane procedures they perform here, I believe. It _should_ be fine, but it's impossible to be completely sure my body won't react to something weirdly."

"Are you worried?"

"No. Yes. I don't know. I do actually quite like being alive, these days, which makes a nice change from where I was at before I met you. When I was still a slave."

Kalei swallows. She isn't sure of what to say. Or perhaps it's more than she has too many things she wants to say, some ill-timed and others just insensitive and one or two simply far too terrifying to yet voice out loud, even with this fear hanging over them.

Quill regards her for a long moment, eyes big and blue and full of enough emotion to make Kalei's heart pound in her chest. "Look, I was shit at this last time. So I'm just going to say that if I don't make it-"

"Quill-"

"You have been the best part of my pathetic life since I arrived on Earth, and I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you for what you've done for me," Quill says, holding her gaze.

Kalei kisses her, unable to quite hold back her tears. "There's nothing to repay."

"... oh, also, I want Matteusz to raise my baby."

Kalei laughs a little and nods, strangely relieved that _she_ isn't the chosen candidate.

That's when the nurse comes in with the anaesthetic. Quill grips Kalei's hand a bit tighter as the nurse approaches.

"How are you feeling, Quill?" She asks kindly.

"Incredibly prepared for a dangerous surgery and impending motherhood despite zero natural maternal instincts," Quill says, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

The nurse gives her a sympathetic smile. "I'm sure you'll be just fine, honey." Her gaze moves to Kalei, then back to Quill. "Us humans are stupidly protective of our kids, your girl won't be able to help herself. It's pure biology. It'll more than make up for any lacking you have."

Kalei finds herself laughing a little at the fact that someone else has assumed the baby is hers. It's a strange laugh. Not really a good one, actually. Borderline hysterical, in fact. She's having trouble breathing.

"Is she okay?" The nurse asks, concerned. "Why is she laughing?"

"Baby isn't hers, we get this a lot," Quill explains, rolling her eyes before they narrow at Kalei. "Kalei, are you alright?"

"Fine," Kalei says, trying to swallow oxygen the best she can. She will not lose it in front of Quill. Quill is the one with the reason to be terrified; Kalei will not panic her girlfriend.

"Okay, I'm going to put you under now, is that alright?" The nurse asks.

Quill nods, and Kalei kisses her one more time.

"I'll be here when you wake up. Promise. It's all going to be fine."

Quill's hand lingers on Kalei's face, thumb stroking over her cheek and lips. "I'm holding you to that, Jacobs."

The needle goes into Quill's arm, and Kalei grips Quill's other hand tight and watches as the anaesthetic quickly takes her under, making her eyes droop and then close. Her hand drops from Kalei's face.

"Everything okay so far?" Kalei asks the nurse, a lump in her throat so huge she can barely speak.

The nurse checks her datapad and nods. "Yep, everything's just great so far. Try not to worry, dear. Doctor Ha'aral is the best at what he does."

Kalei can't breathe. She gets up and leaves the room, determined not to lose it in front of a stranger. She finds herself in the corridor with the teenagers and the Doctor, and tries to speak, but nothing comes out.

_This is really happening. Quill might die, and if she doesn't, she's going to have a_ baby… _why was I freaking out about a spaceship, when I knew this is what was happening? Why is this only just hitting me now?_

Her heart pounds against her ribcage and she feels too hot, and she's sure the others are saying things but their voices are more like background noise. A part of her, somewhere, knows that this is a panic attack. Knows that this feeling like she might be about to die is completely irrational, but it's been so long since the last time this happened, she can't remember, she can't - she can't -

There are hands on her, too many hands; they can't all belong to the same person. She flinches away from them all and tries to step backwards, but her legs don't seem to be working right because she's falling -

Strong arms catch her and guide her into what feels like a seat, and then those same hands stay there, one gripping one of her hands and the other resting on her shoulder. The voice is comforting. Accented. She tries to make the connection, to make her brain work, but she still can't breathe, can't think, not really -

"Miss Jacobs," the voice says softly. "Miss Jacobs. Kalei. Kalei, are you hearing me?"

Polish. The voice is Polish. Matteusz. Kalei blinks at him, trying to focus on the features of his face. It doesn't quite work. "Breathe, Kalei," he says to her. "Breathe in, and out. You know this. You have told students this, I have seen it. This is panic attack. You are going to be okay."

Kalei breaths in, and out. In, and out. In, hold, and out. Things begin to clear a little.

"That is good," Matteusz tells her. "More breathing." He gives her shoulder and hand nice comforting squeezes, and she squeezes his hand back.

She takes a few more shuddering breaths, and mostly comes back to herself. Everyone is watching her with concern, and she feels her cheeks start burning.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. "I just - I'm so worried about her, I can't do this again, I waited once when she was possibly going to die and I nearly lost my mind. Even if her chances are better this time-"

"She is Quill," Matteusz tells her, gaze even. "She will be okay."

Kalei gives him a weak smile, and finds herself strangely reassured. "Yeah. I… I know. I just… can't help it."

"You really care about her," Charlie says. It isn't a question. He still seems surprised, a little, but his eyes aren't confused or sceptical anymore, which has to be progress.

Kalei just nods, and glances at the Doctor, who has been watching silently.

"She's one hell of a woman," the Doctor says, with a small smile. "She's faced much worse than this, you of all people must know that. Getting that arn out should have been impossible, but she still did it. This? One little baby? Piece of cake."

Kalei swallows. She knows all of this, of course. But while she knows there is even the smallest chance that something could go wrong, she's not going to be calm. Her heart is going to keep pounding in her chest and her mind will be restless and panicked.

"I just… I don't know what I would do if something happened to her," she whispers. "I can't even think about it."

She stands up, and notices how Matteusz stays close, hovering in case she might need him again.

"Is there… anything we can do?" April asks.

Kalei just wishes she had Sally with her. Or Dorothea. Someone to hug her and tell her that everything will be okay.

It takes her a moment to realise that she's accidentally said that out loud - but the next thing she knows, Tanya, April, and Matteusz have enveloped her in a strange group hug, the girls taking a side of her each while Matteusz and his longer arms encompass all three of them.

"It's okay, Miss, you were there for us, and now we're going to be here for you," Tanya says. "You _and_ Quill."

Kalei closes her eyes and hugs them back, willing the tears in her eyes to go away. "Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the kids get up to following this chapter is its own oneshot, that parallels the next chapter of this fic, so I'm not sure if I'm going to post them simultaneously, or if I'll post the oneshot the day before maybe, or if I'll post it after so that you get teased a bit more in regards to their activities. We'll see. Basically, keep your eyes out for the notification. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, please let me know what you thought!


	42. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalei has waited while Quill's life has been on the line before. Doing it again is just as hard. (It doesn't help that the kids keep getting into trouble around the hospital.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, still no Quilliam in this chapter! But all of next chapter, I promise.

After the panic, a kind of numbness sets in. Kalei stares straight ahead of her and fiddles with her phone, turning it over and over in her hands. This prompts the Doctor to zap it (and then the phones of everyone else) with his sonic screwdriver, so that they'll work in outer space, in case they need to keep in touch.

"Wicked," Tanya says, grinning.

Kalei, relieved that this means she can hopefully get in touch with Sally for some emotional support, thanks the Doctor the most profusely out of everyone.

Doctor Ha'aral appears, and speaks with the Doctor before heading into the room Quill is inside. Ha'aral and a couple of nurses guide Quill's hovering bed out of the room and off down the corridor. Kalei watches her disappear around a corner with a knot in her stomach.

"Miss, will you be alright on your own if we go for a bit of a walk?"

Kalei glances up at Ram, who has gotten to his feet.

"What am I?" The Doctor asks, looking a bit offended. "A particularly Scottish decorative lamp?"

"I mean, but you're going into the surgery in a minute, right?" Tanya points out. "So we _are_ leaving her on her own."

Kalei shakes her head. "I'll be fine. I'm not going to be any fun to be around until she's out of the surgery and conscious, don't let me spoil your chance to see what a space hospital is like."

Tanya looks a bit guilty. "It's not that we aren't worried about Quill," she says, "It's actually _because_ I'm worried about Quill that I want to go and look at space hospital stuff. You know. To take my mind off it."

"Please, like some baby is gonna take her down, she's _Quill,_ " Ram says confidently. "She's going to be fine."

"She's in safe hands, medically speaking," Charlie agrees, nodding his head. "Her people never had much medical technology; it's no wonder they died in childbirth. Besides, it was part of their tradition, so they never would have even tried to save the mothers. I doubt she's in much danger."

Their words do make Kalei feel a little better. Not much, but a little, and she's grateful.

"I hope you're right Charlie," she says, doing her best to smile but knowing that it probably isn't very convincing, "but you guys go and have fun – but _stay out of trouble_." Her teacher voice comes out for that last part, but she thinks that's probably for the best. God knows what five teenagers could get up to in a space hospital if they tried hard enough.

They assure her they will stay out of trouble, and head off down the corridor.

Once they're gone, there is about half a minute of quiet. Then the Doctor moves to stand in front of Kalei, looking down at her with soft eyes while his hands twist awkwardly in front of him.

"I'm going to go now," he says. "They'll be starting soon."

"Okay," Kalei says.

He hovers, awkwardly, like a great horned owl or something. "I know this is hard, probably in more ways than one. I don't know what happened, with the father-"

"It's not really any of your business how I feel about that."

"No," he agrees, making a face. "I just - like I said, Quill's one hell of a woman. And I think you must be one hell of a match for her, to have made it this far. So, you know… brave heart, Kalei."

Kalei gives him a weak smile. "I'll try."

He nods, and heads off down the corridor. Kalei slips off her heels and curls her feet up underneath her in the chair at the edge of the waiting area, and takes a deep breath.

"It's going to be okay," she tells herself. It doesn't sound quite right. Even if everything does turn out okay, there's suddenly going to be a baby in the question. A baby. Quill's baby.

No matter what, Kalei just can't stop her stomach from twisting, just a little, every time she thinks about it. She's not even sure she knows _why_. It's not that she has an issue with babies, or the idea of Quill with a baby, no matter how absurd it might be. Maybe it's just that, no matter how much she's managed to come to terms with the Ballon thing, the fact of the matter is still that Kalei's girlfriend is about to have someone else's baby.

She's okay with what happened and means every word she ever said about it. But it doesn't mean that thinking about Quill tangled with some ambiguously featured, scarred, dark skinned man doesn't make Kalei feel the insidious poison of petty jealousy.

_It wasn't just sex. I don't know what it was, other than… familiar. He was a soldier, like me. I hadn't realised how much I missed that. He understood me in a second, without trying - because we were the same._

_He was... abrasive. Abrasive and frightened and brave. A fighter, to the last, against the wild arn, against his own devil - after a bit of convincing - and against my goddess. And against the captivity and living death he had been enduring for god knows how long. He was coarse and aggressive and yet… there was something gentle about him too. His eyes, they - they were kind. Always kind. One brown, one bright blue. His skin was dark, darker than yours by several shades. The right side of his face marred by a scar. It completed him, I think._

Kalei shuts her eyes and tries to will some sense into herself. Thinks about this man, this Ballon, that she has never and will never meet. Thinks about the fact that he had been what Quill had needed, that without him, Quill would be dead or still a slave, and neither of those were remotely bearable options for anyone involved.

He doesn't deserve jealousy. He deserves Kalei's gratitude. If he saved Quill, the least she can do is try her hardest to be accepting of his child. Of Quill's child.

She inhales deeply, and exhales.

Maybe, just maybe, this is all going to be okay.

* * *

After a while, just when Kalei is starting to think that maybe she should definitely be a bit more concerned about where all the kids have disappeared off too, she spots Ram and April approaching from the corridor that doesn't lead to the surgery.

"Where are the others?" Kalei asks them.

Ram glances at April before saying, "Garden. Charlie wanted to see the flowers, obviously, because he's a giant-" Kalei and April lift their eyebrows at him, and he finishes, "dork. That was all I was gonna say, guys, jeez."

"This place has a garden?" Kalei is almost tempted to visit it herself. Lord knows flowers might make her feel better somehow. But leaving the waiting area isn't an option.

"Apparently."

"Well, at least a garden isn't likely to be a problem." Kalei makes a face. "Unless they end up with some kind of space pollen sickness. I swear I've read some weird stories about that."

April holds out some kind of cup in her direction. She and Ram have ones of their own already. "Don't worry, how much trouble could we get up to in an alien hospital, anyway?"

Kalei just lifts an eyebrow.

"It'll be fine," April insists, and then wiggles the cup. "And look, we brought you coffee. Or, I dunno, they called it caf, and it tastes like coffee, sort of. It's weird."

Kalei takes the cup, and then a tentative sip, only to make a face. It's weird, and not enough like coffee by a long shot. Still, it's hot and flavourful in some way, and that'll have to do for now. After another sip, she decides it's better than she initially thought, and after another few, her mind is changed entirely. It's not exactly coffee, but it's bizarrely tasty.

"You're right, that _is_ weird," she says. "But… good. Thank you. I really needed this."

"Well, it's the least we can do," Ram says. "You're having a rough time."

"I'm still just your teacher. Who happens to be romantically involved with your other teacher/weird alien supervisor. You don't really owe me anything."

"Except, you're not, exactly." Ram frowns. "I mean, like it or not, we're a team now, for real. Us, and Quill, and even you. I always thought Quill was out to get us, and didn't care, but like… she came to my dad's funeral. Not just Tanya's mum's funeral, but my dad's. She didn't have to do that, and neither did you. But you guys did."

"Of course we did," Kalei says. "Like you say. You're all a team. And I… guess I'm sort of a part of that now."

"Do you want to be?" April asks.

"I… think so?"

April smiles widely. "Then you are."

Not for the first time, Kalei is overwhelmed with a warm affection for the bright gift to the universe that is April Maclean. She smiles back at April.

"We should probably go and find Tanya," Ram says. "Are you - I mean, are you alright? We still felt kinda bad for leaving you on your own."

"Oh, don't, I'm not good company right now, and I don't think any more hugs that aren't from my best friend are going to help me," Kalei says, sighing. "Go and find Tanya, that's definitely a good idea."

Once they're gone, Kalei curls back up on her chair with her caf, which does make her feel better, and texts Sally.

 **The Worst™:** _Sally, please, reply, I'm going out of my mind here._

 **Allo Bullshit Police:** _oh SHIT so I picked a really bad time to go to cinema with the family, huh? 10 missed messages and 2 missed calls…Quill's having the baby?_

 **The Worst™:** _well, less of the "having" and more of the c-section or whatever the more advanced, space hospital equivalent is, but yeah_

 **Allo Bullshit Police:** _is there… actually a solid chance of her not making it?_

 **The Worst™:** _I just… I don't know. They don't know anything for sure. Everyone else seems to think it'll be fine, but all I know is that there's a chance she won't be, and no matter how small that might be, I just… I can't handle this again_

Sally knows about the mess with the arn suicide mission, having had it explained to her by Kalei during their wine/Sister Act/hair braiding session on Wednesday.

The phone rings and Kalei answers it.

" _Are you okay?"_ Sally asks. _"Okay, I mean, that's a dumbass question, but you know what I mean."_

"I don't know. I just hate the waiting, I hate not being able to do anything, it's driving me insane," Kalei says, taking a deep breath, rubbing her temples. "I don't know what to do, or how to feel, I don't know if I'm overreacting and blowing this out of proportion… but even if I'm not she's - she's going to be a _mother_. There's going to be a baby, and I don't know how the hell I'm meant to feel about that baby-"

" _You don't have to have all the answers right now, you can figure out the baby thing as you go,"_ Sally tells her gently.

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, I'm just word vomiting my internal freaking out at you."

" _It's okay. Talk to me about something else. What's the space hospital like?"_

"Pretty much just like a normal hospital, actually, just with fancier technology and more aliens. Nothing super crazy worth mentioning, but then, I've only seen a tiny part of it. The kids have gone exploring. I should probably be more worried about that."

" _Maybe, but how much trouble could they get up to in a hospital?"_

"I don't know, hopefully not much. What movie did you go and see? I need to hear about normal things for a while, to keep me sane and distracted."

Sally talks about the movie for a while, but when Kalei spots a sheepish Charlie and Matteusz being escorted in her direction by an displeased man in a security uniform, she sits up a bit straighter.

"Sorry, Sally, I think I need to go, I'll text you in a bit," she says quickly, hanging up.

"These two say that you're the one responsible for them," the security officer says gruffly.

Kalei lifts an eyebrow. "Yes, I… suppose I am. What's the problem, exactly?" Charlie and Matteusz share an embarrassed, guilty look that makes her cross her arms and turn her inquiring eyebrow on them. They say nothing and avoid her gaze.

"I found them being overly amorous in the hospital garden, dangerously close to damaging the valuable and cherished flora," the security officer says, frowning at the teenagers.

"We have apologised several times for this," Matteusz replies.

Charlie nods. "Four times, to be precise."

"I'm so sorry, officer," Kalei says apologetically, "it's just… their guardian, my girlfriend, is in surgery right now. We're all just… worried and coping in our own ways."

This doesn't have much of an impact on the security officer, but he does nod a little. "Just… please help them refrain from almost defacing valuable hospital property. The garden is one of our pride and joys, here."

With that he turns and leaves, and Kalei mouths 'the garden?' at Charlie and Matteusz, utterly bemused.

"The flowers were glowing and… made Charlie look very nice. We got a little… carried away," Matteusz says sheepishly.

Kalei can't help the giggle that escapes her. She knows she should be horrified, but with everything else that's going on, the idea of these two and their young love resulting in this mess is just strangely comforting.

"Well, if you're looking for a scolding, you're not going to get it," she says, shaking her head. "That's not to say that I approve, though."

Charlie and Matteusz look pleasantly surprised.

"Look, can you go and find Ram and April, and make sure they've found Tanya? I'd prefer to know that we know where everyone is."

"Of course," Matteusz says, pulling Charlie back down the corridor.

Kalei sits back in her seat, and starts texting Sally with an update about the near defacing of the space hospital garden by the excitable gay teenagers.

* * *

Whatever Kalei had been expecting upon the return of the teenagers, it is not what she gets. Tanya is beaming with pride while Ram and April seem torn between disapproval and being seriously impressed, and Charlie and Matteusz don't look too sure how they feel about whatever is going on at all.

"You should come and get some food with us, Miss," Tanya says. "We've got money now."

"No, I shouldn't, I need to stay, in case-" Kalei blinks at Tanya. "Hang on, what do you mean, _we've got money now_? Where did you get money?"

"She's been at the casino," Ram says, snorting. "Winning."

"You what?!"

"I…. cleaned out a bunch of alien businessmen at poker," Tanya tells her, practically bursting with pride, "and now, I'm rich with weird alien money. So, come and get food with us. My treat."

"Tanya Adeola, I cannot condone that," Kalei says, trying to sound authoritative, adjusting her glasses for good measure, "give that money back, now."

Tanya arches an eyebrow. "No, I won it fair and square."

"Tanya-"

"Well, I did!"

"How did you even get into a casino?" Kalei asks, despairingly, almost addressing the ceiling as opposed to the fourteen year old. "You're a minor! What kind of crappy hospital security cracks down on teenagers making out in gardens and not minors gambling?!"

"Look, regardless of how it happened, the people at the casino didn't seem to care about her age, and we really are hungry, and you must be too," April says. "Come on, Miss. You should eat."

Kalei collapses back into her seat and pinches the bridge of her nose. "Look, just… just bring me back something when you're done, okay? I'm staying here. The Doctor doesn't have any of our mobile numbers, right? One of us has to stay here, just in case, and it's obviously going to be me."

"She's got a point, actually," Charlie says.

"Exactly. Go, eat, have fun," Kalei tells them, with a weak smile. "I'd only spoil your fun with my worrying."

Tanya sighs. "We're _all_ worried, Miss. We're just going about it a bit different."

"I know."

Once they're gone, Kalei shuts her eyes and tries to get comfortable in the chair. Sally's had to disappear for a family thing, so she occupies herself by grabbing her headphones out of her handbag and listening to Hamilton, at a decent volume, to calm herself. Losing herself in the familiar words and following along without missing a single one is a fantastic way to take her mind off the current situation.

She's not sure how long it's been since Quill was taken into surgery. An hour. Probably closer to two? It's been at least twenty five minutes since the kids left for the cafeteria when she feels a hand on her shoulder.

Kalei jumps and her eyes snap open to see the Doctor standing over her. She yanks the headphones out of her ears and looks at him expectantly.

"Well?" She whispers.

His eyes are cheerful and warm. "She's stable. We had a brief scare in there, but the baby's okay so far, and Quill looks like she's going to be just fine."

Kalei feels a weight lift off her chest, one she hadn't even realised had been there until suddenly it's gone and she can breathe again. A strange, giddy laugh escapes her.

"Can I see her?" Kalei asks, jumping to her feet.

The Doctor makes a face. "She's still unconscious. Will be for a while yet. It's best, stops her from disrupting any of the healing with any sudden movements."

"Oh right, like, stitches, or something-"

The Doctor starts laughing at her. "Stitches? Kalei, this is the 48th century, there's barely even a mark where the incision was made, and that'll be gone in a couple of days."

"...oh."

"It's still _sensitive_ , though, hence them giving her the heavy anaesthetic."

"Right." Kalei gets out her phone and texts April so that the others know the news. "Well… I'm just glad that she's okay. And that the baby's okay too."

"They're just running some tests on the kiddo, to be safe," the Doctor tells her. "You lot can see her soon, though. She'll need some proper holding that isn't just from me or the nurses."

Kalei chooses to ignore the second part of the sentence, because the thought of holding the baby sets off a bunch of weird, confusing feelings in her chest.

Instead she finds herself staring at the Doctor, and then getting up to hug him tightly around the waist.

"Thank you, for everything," Kalei tells him, noticing how stiff he is in response to her touch and immediately releasing him but staying close enough to hold his gaze. "Thank you for finding a way to keep her safe. And for rescuing her in the first place. Without you, I'd have never met her."

He smiles. "You're very welcome."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The oneshot going into more detail about what the teenagers got up to will be up in the next day or so, keep an eye out for it! 
> 
> Thanks for reading, please let me know what you thought!
> 
> Also, 200k! I cannot believe it, honestly. Thanks so so much to everyone who has kudos and commented (especially the latter), you're all amazing and definitely part of this reason we've got this far.


	43. Quilliam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for everyone to meet the newest member of the Bunghole Defence Squad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a long time, but we finally got here!

The kids arrive, practically running, little plastic bags of food, presumably from the hospital cafeteria, still in their hands.

"She's okay?" Charlie asks urgently. "Quill's alive?"

"And staying that way?" Tanya adds.

"She's still sedated, but stable," the Doctor tells them, nodding and giving them a little smile. "And the baby is currently getting some tests run, but you should all be able to meet her very soon."

"So it's a girl?" Ram asks.

The Doctor makes a face. "Well, it's a bit early to be trying to assign her gendered expectations, but we'll go for that for now, sure."

"Oh my god, we can meet Quilliam," Tanya says, beaming. "This is the best."

"Are we _really_ calling her that?" April asks. "Especially now that we know it's a _she_."

"Quillimina," Matteusz suggests, seriously, making the other teenagers laugh. Kalei laughs too, but immediately smothers it with her hand, knowing that Quill would probably hate it even more than Quilliam.

"Nah," Tanya says, "I reckon Quilliam works for gender neutral, and I'm attached to it now."

Kalei shakes her head. "Quill isn't going to like any of this."

Tanya grins. "Too bad."

"I know she's still unconscious, but can we still see her?" Kalei asks the Doctor. "I just… I'll feel better seeing her with my own eyes."

He nods. "Of course. Come on then, you lot."

They follow him down the corridor and come into a moderate sized hospital room, where sure enough, Quill is lying on the bed, hooked into several machines monitoring her vitals but breathing normally in her sleep.

Kalei runs to the bed, absently realising that she's only in her stockings and that her heels are back in the waiting area.

"Quill," she breathes, reaching out to touch her face, her hand trailing over the scar and finding comfort in the familiar, rough texture. "You did it." She presses a kiss to Quill's forehead, tearing up a little from sheer joy and relief.

"Told you she'd be fine," Ram says, grinning. "Dying would mean she'd have to give up terrorising us, and where's the fun in that?"

Kalei laughs, and then so do all the others, and _oh_ it's a good feeling.

But that's when a nurse comes into the room, with an unmistakable shape in his arms. Kalei is fairly sure she feels her heart stop, her entire body freezing as the strangest sense of apprehension - possibly even dread - fills her.

"Oh my god, it's Quilliam," April whispers.

The nurse smiles at them all. "Is that the child's name?"

"Working title, I think," the Doctor says with a snort. "Is everything in order?"

"Yes, what we have here is a beautiful, completely healthy baby," the nurse says. "Now, who am I giving her to?"

Everyone in the room looks at Kalei expectantly, where she is still standing next to Quill. Kalei feels her stomach turn at the mere thought, and tries to push down the instant panic that rises in her chest.

"No," Kalei says on reflex. For some reason, everyone except the Doctor and Charlie seems surprised by her reaction. She says it again. "I - I just can't. I… can't."

The teenagers exchange looks amongst themselves, and then glance at Quill's unconscious form, like they're realising it has to be one of them to hold the baby if it isn't going to be Kalei, but not knowing which of them has the right. Which one of them is least likely to be possibly murdered by Quill for touching her baby without her permission.

"Matteusz," Kalei says, recalling Quill's words from before the surgery. "She'd want it to be Matteusz."

Everyone seems to accept this easily enough, so the nurse hands the baby over to Matteusz, who takes her with ease and nestles her in the crook of his arm.

"Hello, Quilliam," he says, smiling down at the baby, offering her his finger to grab. "I am Matteusz. And until now, I did not think your mother liked me very much, but it seems that I was wrong, perhaps."

The baby gurgles and clutches his finger. April and Tanya 'aww' in unison.

"She's actually quite sweet," Charlie chimes in.

Tanya snorts. "Why do you sound surprised by that?"

"I don't know. I think I expected her to be all… Quill-ish."

"She's a baby! How could she be Quill-ish?"

Matteusz chuckles and shakes his head. "Now, Quilliam, this is my Charlie. He and your mother do not always see eye-to-eye, but they are getting better. And this is Tanya..." Matteusz keeps going, introducing the baby formally to each of the teenagers.

Meanwhile, Kalei stands by the bed with her arms crossed over her chest as she wrestles with the urge to move closer to them and get a proper look at the baby, and the urge to just avoid it as long as possible. She finds herself meeting the Doctor's eyes. He looks sympathetic, but also nods in the direction of the kids, as if he's saying _go on, I know it's scary, but you need to do it_.

"I realise I totally shouldn't have assumed that this kid would be white, but I kinda did," Ram says.

"Her father had darker skin than me," Kalei says, absently, moving closer until she's on the edge of the circle. "Apparently."

That's when she steps forward a bit more, and finally gets a proper look at the baby. Her breath catches in her throat.

Quill's daughter is tiny, her hand squeezing Matteusz's finger while he laughs a little. Like all babies, she's all cheeks and round nose. Her lips are small but full and her eyes - they're identical to Quill's. The exact shade of blue. Her skin is a warm brown, a very similar shade to Kalei's, so a near middle ground between Quill and Ballon's skin tones, from what Kalei knows.

Despite everything, Kalei feels her heart swell and the smallest of smiles pulls at her lips.

"I know it was all just a big misunderstanding, all those times, but the funny thing is, she… really does look like she's yours," April says to Kalei, with a little smile. "Yours and Quill's."

The brief warmth in Kalei's chest dies, and she feels ill.

"Please never say that again, ever," she says, too sharply, before turning and heading for the door. She hears April trying to apologise and shakes her head. "No, you don't need to apologise, April, just - don't."

Once out in the hallway, Kalei lets herself slide down the wall and sit on the ground, legs curled underneath her. She tries to take deep breaths again. For something to occupy herself, she takes off her glasses and tries to clean them with the fabric of her skirt.

About half a minute later, the Doctor emerges, spots her, and leans against the nearby wall.

"You okay?" He asks, a little awkwardly, but with concern that seems genuine.

"I don't know," she says, forcing a small smile and shrugging her shoulders helplessly. "That's the problem. I just don't know how I feel about any of this. Or how I _should_ feel about any of this."

"It's a tricky situation. Or, I don't know, it seems to be. I still don't know the full story of what happened."

"It doesn't matter," Kalei sighs. "I know it doesn't. I'm okay with what happened between her and Ballon, so I just - I don't know why I'm having so much trouble with-"

She can't quite finish the sentence.

"The baby," the Doctor finishes. "Quill's baby."

"... yeah."

Ram pops his head out of the door. "The nurse says Quill should wake up any time. The doctor - the real one - is on his way, apparently."

The Doctor offers Kalei a hand up. She takes it, and they re-enter the hospital room together. Tanya is holding the baby now, grinning as Matteusz leans over the baby's face and pulls absurd faces while she gurgles happily. Charlie and Ram are laughing. April is videoing the whole thing on her phone.

A sense of not quite belonging creeps back up on Kalei. She should be happy. This is a happy moment. Quill alive and about to wake up, and her baby happy and healthy, being entertained by the teenagers Kalei is so fond of.

With a deep breath, Kalei moves forward to join the group properly. The teenagers give her small smiles, while their eyes betray their uncertainty about her reaction.

"Hey, look," Tanya says to the baby. "That's Kalei."

"She is your mother's favourite person," Matteusz adds. "And will be one of yours too, I think."

Kalei feels her eyes water and embarrassedly wipes at them. The baby seems to be watching her now, and she holds her gaze. The gaze so like Quill's - blue and sharp and piercing.

"Hey," Kalei whispers, stepping forward and reaching out to the baby. Her tiny fingers curl around one of Kalei's, and Kalei's chest tightens, only to then swell with new affection as she feels a tiny bit of the tension leave her body.

One of the machines attached to Quill starts beeping. They whirl around to look at it with alarm, only to see Quill starting to stir.

"Quill," Kalei says, running to Quill's side and grabbing her hand.

There's a mumble of 'Kalei?' before Quill's eyes crack open. When they do, her grip on Kalei's hand tightens, as her eyes focus on Kalei's face.

"Hey," Kalei says, a huge smile breaking out across her face.

"Hey," Quill replies. "So. Not dead, then."

Kalei laughs, in a helpless sort of way, and nods several times before cupping Quill's face in her hands and kissing her softly but eagerly. When they break apart, Quill is smiling, just a little.

A moment later, it fades.

* * *

Quill knows several things. Namely, that she's not dead, that her body is unpleasantly numb from her torso downward, and that she _hates_ how groggy the anaesthetic has made her feel. Still, she's not so slow that she's forgotten the whole reason she's here.

"So, the… baby," Quill says, hesitantly.

"She's here," Tanya says, coming closer so that she's on the opposite side of the bed to Kalei. "Do you want to hold her?"

"Of course she does," April laughs.

"I-" Quill swallows, her eyes darting to the Doctor, uncertain. "I don't know… how. Aren't babies sort of… breakable?"

The Doctor chuckles. "You'll be just fine, I'll show you, but look at how Tanya is doing it." He takes the baby from Tanya and gently places her in Quill's rigid arms. "Support the head, like this. Bit higher. Yeah, that's it."

Quill stares down at her daughter. She has no idea what to think. She just looks as weird and human and fleshy as any other baby she's seen. Brown skin, similar shade to Kalei's, familiar blue eyes that seem acceptably reactive, otherwise normal levels of squishiness to her face. Or what Quill understands to be normal by baby standards, anyway.

And yet, for all of that, Quill is hit by the fact that this baby is the last legacy of the Quill, of her people, and of Ballon, the one she owed so much to.

"Are you okay?" Kalei asks, after a long period of silence.

"Yeah, I just… yeah."

"She has your eyes."

Quill's lips twitch. "Her father's too, actually. Well, one of them, anyway."

"Do you have a name picked out?" Tanya asks, "or else we're going to keep calling her Quilliam."

"Yeah, I mean, we're still going to do that," Ram chuckles.

Quill glares at them. "Do that, Ram, and I'll make sure no one ever finds your body. I _can_ kill you now, remember."

Annoyingly, he doesn't look adequately terrified. Quill supposes she maybe doesn't have her usual intimidating air when she's propped up in a hospital bed. She lets it go for now and instead looks down at the baby, thinking about the shortlist of names she had comprised.

"Athena," she says, after a moment, "Balla'ath Athena Quill. Bella Athena, on the Earth paperwork."

"Greek goddess of wisdom, war, and strategy," Tanya says with approval. "Nice."

Quill nods. Kalei is smiling faintly, which must mean that she also approves of the name choice. It's good to know, even though Quill would not have changed it if Kalei _hadn't_ like it.

That's when Doctor Ha'aral strides in, beaming.

"Quill!" he says cheerfully. "You did it. Well done."

Quill blinks at him. "I didn't do anything, I just lay there unconscious while you cut me open. _You_ did it."

Ha'aral stands a bit straighter, preening, running a hand through his hair and grinning. "Yes, I rather did, didn't I?" He shakes his head after a moment, as if to clear it, but the grin stays as he approaches Quill's bed to examine the readouts on the various machines. "Oh, so I was right."

"Right about what?"

"Your tissue heals at about twice the average human rate. I suspected during surgery, but all that is so instantaneous that it can be difficult to-"

"When can I go home?" Quill interrupts.

"I prefer that you stay here for at least a day, we have some treatments we can administer to speed up the healing process further and minimise some of the less pleasant post-pregnancy symptoms."

"Such as?"

"If you have to ask, you should certainly allow us to ensure you don't have to find out."

"Fine, sure," Quill says quickly, not about to argue with something like that. "How long until I can feel my torso again?"

"That'll wear off in about half a day or so."

"And how long until I can have sex again?"

Everyone in the room, even those who had only been paying half attention, stares at Quill with either disbelief, horror, or amusement. Then, of course, they all look at Kalei, who has turned bright pink.

"Uh-" Ha'aral looks completely thrown, for some reason, like the idea of her wanting sex is so outrageous. How did he think this baby had happened in the first place? "Well. Given your rate of healing, I would say a week and a half, at absolute minimum."

Quill stares. "Earth weeks have seven days. Do you mean ten days, eleven, or ten and a half?"

Tanya can't quite smother her giggling, and she gets elbowed by Ram, even though he and April aren't doing much better. Matteusz is just grinning while Charlie's face is in his hand.

Ha'aral seems to also be holding back laughter. "Let's say eleven."

Quill sighs. "Damn. Hang on, so... I'll be here for a day, but returning to the same day I left, so ten from when I arrive back on Earth. Wait, all this is assuming you have 24-hour days. Do you have 24-hour days?"

"Can we work the math out later, please?" Kalei asks furiously, her cheeks bright red, probably because most of the people in the room are staring at her, while she is looking like she wishes she could melt into the floor and disappear.

"Fine," Quill grouses.

Kalei looks at the teenagers, then the Doctor. "Doctor, maybe you should take the kids home, if Quill needs to stay here another day. If it's a time machine, she and I can stay here, then you can bring us back a couple of seconds after you've dropped them off, right?"

"Well… yeah," the Doctor says, frowning. "You've got your head around that pretty fast. Most humans take a bit longer to understand the time travel bits."

"Sci-fi nerd," Kalei replies.

He snorts. "I think you'd like my friend Bill."

"I'm sorry, time travel?" Ha'aral asks, blinking at them.

"Yeah, don't worry about it," the Doctor tells him.

"I like Kalei's idea. Get rid of the teenagers," Quill says, eliciting indignant protests from the majority of the teenagers, making her smirk at them. She meets Tanya's eyes and is amused to see the girl realise that she partly means it as a joke, at least in Tanya's case.

"Well, if we leave them here, they might get into more trouble, and _actually_ ruin the garden or something equally valuable," Kalei says.

The Doctor and Quill both frown. "What?"

"That was accident," Matteusz says defensively.

"You know what? I don't even care," Quill replies. "Just get out of here so I can have a day's peace for once."

"Was the six days of hibernation not enough?" Charlie asks, lifting an eyebrow.

"From you? Never," Quill snarks. "Now come on, go with the Doctor." She gives the Time Lord a pointed look, nodding towards the door. "I want to sleep, or talk to Kalei, or do anything that isn't… _this_."

"Okay, okay, consider us told," Ram says, rolling his eyes. "Good to see motherhood isn't gonna change you too much, Miss."

"Was that _ever_ a possibility?" Quill asks flatly.

"… yeah, probably not."

The Doctor approaches Ha'aral where he is standing near Quill's bed. "So, everything's looking good? Nothing she or I need to know about?"

Ha'aral shakes his head and laughs a little when he looks at Quill. She ignores the little irrational feeling in her chest that feels hurt, and angry, the part of her that hates being laughed at.

"No, I think she'll be just fine," Ha'aral says. "Now, if you don't mind, I have some other patients to attend to, now that Quill is in the clear. I'll check back in a bit later."

The Doctor nods and then looks to Quill as Ha'aral leaves. "You feeling okay? Can I… do anything else?"

"After bringing me to a hospital where you've found a doctor willing to do the research necessary to actually save my life?" Quill asks mildly. "No, I'm alright. Can't see how you could do more, unless you can magically impart maternal instincts and knowledge into my head."

"You'll get the hang of it," the Doctor says with a smile.

"She's grown enough on me, in the most literal sense," Quill replies. "She's just so… human. All smooth and brown and squishy. I think it would feel less weird if she looked like a Quill. Which I know would be completely illogical, but you know, this sort of thing isn't logical, I suppose."

The Doctor is about to reply when baby Athena changes from into an extremely familiar shape covered in quills, making Quill yelp and nearly throw the baby in the air with alarm.

Everyone is gaping at Quill and the baby.

"What the hell just happened?" Ram asks.

"It's a Quill baby," Charlie says, awed, and sounding a little torn between revulsion and something much… softer. Possibly even longing. Longing for the familiar shape.

Quill stares down at her daughter. "But… how could you-"

"Could be race memory," the Doctor says, "or perhaps her Lorr telepathic abilities are kicking in already, which would make sense since _clearly_ the shapeshifter ones have. She might have read your memories of what Quill infants looked like."

There's a lump in Quill's throat. She touches her squishy human finger to the little quills on her baby's face. Tears spring to her eyes, not from the mild pain but because it's been so long, too long, since she's seen or touched a member of her own kind who actually looked and felt the way they should.

" _This_ is what Quill look like?" Kalei asks softly, awed.

"The very small ones," Quill replies.

The baby changes shape again, into something green and round, and Quill is obscenely close to hurling the infant across the room. It changes again, and again, through more forms than she can recognise or even keep up with.

"Stop it," she snaps, scowling at it. "Stop it right now."

The baby stops changing for a few moments, as if considering it, and then she's off again.

The Doctor grabs the baby from Quill's arms, like he can tell she wants to yell at the infant, or hurl her across the room. Then again, he _is_ slightly telepathic. So maybe he _had_ known.

"None of this, Athena," the Doctor tells the baby, glancing at Quill, "or your mother might get too much of a fright and throw you across the room. And I don't endorse baby throwing."

Quill tries to look at least vaguely apologetic, but she knows that she doesn't quite pull it off.

The baby, meanwhile, is paying neither of them any mind. She seems far too taken with her newly discovered ability, continuing to rapidly cycle through various forms in the Doctor's arms – and to his credit, he doesn't so much as flinch. A weird slimy purple squid thing, a baby monkey, a translucent jellyfish, and then a tiny chestnut foal.

"Stop it." There is so much power in the Doctor's voice, without him raising it at all, that the foal stays as it is and blinks up at him, whinnying a little.

"Quilliam the horse," Ram says, stunned. "Didn't see that coming."

"Oh my god, she's so cute though," April says.

"You were that girl with a million horse posters in your room when you were eight years old, weren't you?" Tanya asks April, eyebrow up. April turns scarlet, and Tanya and Ram share a smirk.

"I definitely saw a male form or two in there," the Doctor says to Athena, who tries to kick him with her hoof but isn't able to quite reach. "And while I'm all for genderfluidity, I think for now you've got enough to worry about. This form changing, for the moment, needs to stop. You pick one form, and one sex, and stick with it. Five years minimum. And since your mother lives on Earth, that form needs to be humanoid."

Athena just stares at him.

"Now," the Doctor says, firmly. "One form. Five year minimum." He frowns at Athena, then, suddenly thoughtful. "A small period each day to try out different forms? Like shapeshifter exercise. That could be a good idea. Should probably ask your mum, though."

"Wait, what's happening now?" Tanya asks, confused.

"I speak baby," the Doctor explains. "She's asking if she can have a small period of time every day to practice her shifting, if she otherwise sticks with one form."

Quill, already knowing about the Doctor being telepathic, is not as shocked by the revelation that he can speak to her baby as the teenagers seem to be. On the contrary, she's just relieved that she has even a brief window of more direct communication.

"Twenty minutes, but that's it, and _only_ when supervised by me or Matteusz," Quill says.

"Me?" Matteusz asks, confused.

"Well, you're the godfather."

"I am?"

Kalei bites her lip, grinning. "Quill, you're meant to, uh, _ask_ people if they'll be the godparents of your child. Not just spring it on them as a surprise."

"Oh," Quill replies, frowning. "Well, Matteusz, April, you seem the two most responsible ones, and I think my child would be most likely survive until adulthood in your hands if something happened to me. So, will you be her godparents?"

Matteusz and April share surprised looks, and a single glance at Kalei, before breaking out into matching smiles.

"I'd be honoured," April says, still stunned.

"Quilliam will always be safe with me," Matteusz adds.

"Her name is Athena," Quill corrects, scowling, "and if you're going to be her godparent, you need to respect that."

"Oh, yes. Very respectful. Of course. I promise," Matteusz says, nodding gravely. Quill narrows her eyes at him, rife with suspicion, but decides against saying anything, even if she can smell the rare scent of bullshit on him.

"Alright then, you heard your mother, she agreed to your terms, so now you have to hold up your end," the Doctor says to Athena.

A moment later, the more familiar form of the brown skinned baby girl is the one staring at him with those big blue eyes, and the Doctor smiles at her.

"There we go. Shall we give you back to your mum, now?" He asks, looking between the baby and Quill.

Quill tries to push down the automatic panic that comes with the thought of holding her baby. She is a warrior of the Quill. She is the last survivor of the Quill. And as such, she can do what no Quill has done before. She can be a mother. She's a fast learner, she learned to blend in on, Earth and she can learn to do this too. Probably.

"Give her here, then," Quill says, and the Doctor settles Athena back in her arms. Quill stares the baby in the eyes. "Alright. Now, little one, you need to understand one very simple thing. I don't stand for nonsense. I understand crying is necessary for you to alert me to your having an urgent need, but that had better be the only reason you _are_ crying, because I won't stand for needless noise, I'll have you know that _right now_."

Athena blinks up at her with those eyes, so like her own. Her hand makes a grab for the fabric of Quill's hospital gown.

"I'm serious," Quill tells her fiercely. "I am powerful, I am a warrior of the Quill, and you are one of my own, so I will protect you as such, but I don't tolerate insubordination. At all."

For some reason, the teenagers and Kalei seem to find this hilarious, and are giggling amongst themselves, but the Doctor is nodding encouragingly, despite also grinning.

"She seems to think that sounds fair," he tells Quill, who lets out a breath of relief.

"Good," Quill says, nodding. She looks down at Athena and prods her squishy cheek with her index finger, from curiousity more than anything else. It's odd, and somewhat… captivating. Athena is possibly the softest thing she's ever touched. Her finger trails along Athena's cheek, down to her chin.

"I think we can leave them to it, now," the Doctor says to the teenagers. "Come on, you lot. Time to get you home."

"Best of luck with the shapeshifting baby, Miss," Ram says, snorting.

"She'll be fine," April says. "They've come to an agreement, remember?"

"Still not sure how a baby comes to an agreement, frankly." Ram shakes his head.

Ram and April head out of the room.

Tanya, meanwhile, pauses on her way to the door, lingering at the end of Quill's bed. "I… I'm really glad you aren't dead," she says sheepishly. "I was. You know. Worried."

Quill arches an eyebrow at her. "Well, I'm fine. Surviving is apparently one of my many skills."

Tanya smiles wider than Quill can see the reason for. "Yeah, I guess it is. _Oh_ and Miss, take some money if you're staying, so you can buy food if you need to." After shoving some weird alien money into Kalei's hands, she also makes her way out of the room.

Charlie and Matteusz hover, plainly uncertain of what to say, as well.

"Well done," Charlie says, finally. "On not dying."

Quill snorts. "Thank you, Charles."

"I, too, am very happy that you and Quilliam are well," Matteusz chimes in, and he just chuckles when Quill glares at him for the use of the abhorrent nickname. She hates that he doesn't seem too afraid of her anymore. She's going to need to fix that, somehow.

"Out," Quill tells them both, rolling her eyes. They leave, and the Doctor lingers in the doorway as he follows them.

"I'll be back in a day or so, yeah?" The Doctor says.

"Alright, see you then."

The Doctor ducks out, and Quill and Kalei are left alone for the first time since the surgery. Well, alone but for the baby.

"Finally, some peace and quiet," Quill says with relief. "Teenagers and Time Lords are so _noisy_."

Kalei laughs, and moves to sit on the edge of Quill's bed, absently stroking her hand over Quill's leg through the blanket. "You're noisy too, sometimes. And they're soon going to have to put up with Athena's crying."

"The number of fucks I give about her crying bothering the prince and his paramour are well and truly in the negatives," Quill replies.

"Fair point."

"Where's my phone?"

"Um, I think it's in my handbag." Kalei moves to grab it. "What do you want it for?"

"I want you to set an alarm for the 30th of December, 4pm."

Kalei's brain does the math, registering the ten day gap, and she stares at Quill with utter disbelief. "Quill, I'm not setting a _sex_ alarm!"

"Well, either you do it, or I give you the baby, and _I_ do it."

Kalei glances at Athena. Even the mere thought has her heart kicking up a notch with panic. No matter how cute the baby might be, Kalei is just not yet prepared for actually holding her, even though she knows it's an inevitable thing.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Kalei mutters, before going into the calendar and making an event on the 30th at 4pm, setting an alert for fifteen minutes before. She hesitates at what to call it, but finds that even this brief thought of having sex with Quill is enough to momentarily excite her. She sighs and goes all in with 'time to fuck Kalei until she can't walk,' figuring that eleven-days-from-now Kalei will be thankful for her foresight.

Once she's done, she shows Quill, who laughs loudly.

"Perfect," she says, with a large grin.

Kalei rolls her eyes and leans in to kiss Quill instead of coming up with a response to this whole ridiculous scenario. Quill seems happy enough with her chosen course of action.

A nurse comes in not long after that and says that she's been asked to do some additional tests on the baby, after news got to Ha'aral about the rapid shapeshifting. Quill isn't thrilled about the prospect of handing her baby over to strangers, even medical professionals.

"Fine," she says eventually, giving Athena to the nurse in question. It's odd, watching her baby be taken from the room. Something doesn't quite sit right with her about it. It's like watching a part of herself be carried off.

Urgh. This is exactly what she had been worried about. How can she protect something so tiny and detached from herself, yet still inarguably a part _of_ herself?

"Hey, she'll be fine," Kalei says, grabbing her hand now that both of them are free.

"I know," Quill mumbles. "I don't even know why I care. She's weird and squishy, and I don't really have much reason to like her, yet, given that she just shapeshifts and gurgles."

Kalei smiles. "She's your baby. It's in your biology to care."

"No, it's in my biology to die," Quill replies. "This is just… weird baby nonsense. Distract me from it, please."

Kalei carefully climbs onto the bed so that she can cuddle into Quill, and Quill is pleased with this development. Being this close to Kalei always makes everything better. Kalei's head rests on her shoulder and Quill lets her own head fall on top.

"I've just got one question," Quill says after a while. "Why aren't you wearing any shoes?"

Kalei just laughs and curls closer into her side. They lie there, content and together and alive, albeit exhausted. It isn't long before Quill drifts off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought I'd include a little visual reference for Quilliam!
> 
> Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!


	44. Certain and Uncertain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill and Kalei spend some downtime together, and try to get their heads around everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to say last chapter, but I can't take full credit for Athena's name. RiseHigh and I came up with it together, or rather, the Athena bit was my idea and then she came up with the Balla'ath/Bella (after Ballon) part. 
> 
> We were both so taken with each other's ideas that we decided to both use Balla'ath/Bella Athena Quill for the baby's name, so if you're reading her fics, which I very much recommend you do, don't be alarmed when we have the same name for the baby, nobody's stealing any content off anyone else. :P 
> 
> Now: brace yourselves for a lot of Quillei feels. You have been warned: fluff and Big Feelings ahead.

Kalei is tired, but not enough to sleep, not quite yet. She's happy to watch Quill sleep, though, to tilt her head up and listen to Quill breathing in and out, watching her chest rise and fall. She's not sure how long she spends doing this, but it's not like it matters. They've got a whole day here, to themselves, out of time.

It's strange to think she'll always - according to the Earth calendar - now be a day older than she ought to be. That hurts Kalei's head a bit too much, and she discards that thought quickly and returns to thinking about Quill, which is always one of her favourite things to do anyway.

The sound of Quill's breathing lulls Kalei into a pleasant, sleepy haze. A sense of serenity is starting to creep in. They've done it. They're here, and alive, and the baby is healthy.

Kalei entwines their fingers. Quill stirs, but doesn't quite wake up, and Kalei smiles.

"We're going to be okay," Kalei whispers. "We're all going to be okay. More than okay. I think we're going to be happy."

"Now, that's a novel idea," Quill murmurs.

Kalei tilts her head up. "Hey, you're awake."

"Just needed a bit of a rest," Quill says, and she drops a kiss to Kalei's lips, making Kalei hum contently. "How long was I out?"

"I don't know. Maybe half an hour? I'm not sure."

"And Athena's not back."

"I'm sure they'll bring her back soon." Kalei smiles up at Quill, feeling affection bloom within her as she thinks about how strong and beautiful her girlfriend is. _Her girlfriend_. Just thinking the words makes her smile even wider than usual.

Quill lifts an eyebrow, giving Kalei one of her favourite confused/sceptical looks. "Why are you smiling at me like that?"

_Because I love you_.

The idea isn't a shock to Kalei, exactly, because she's known it's been true for a little while now. But she's always stopped herself from finishing the thought, from properly admitting it to herself, because it's still too soon. Too soon to feel it, let alone say it.

But who's to say what's too soon to feel anything? Why should there be rules about this? Everything with Quill has been a jumble of absurdly powerful urges and feelings. Why should this come as a shock?

Kalei, instead of saying those rather frightening words, sits up so her and Quill's faces are on a more equal level. Her hand cups Quill's cheek, and she brushes her thumb over Quill's lips.

"Because… you're beautiful. And the strongest person I know. And I don't think there will ever be a time where I'm not just _in awe_ of you," Kalei says softly.

Quill kisses her, hard, pressing her into the frankly absurd amount of pillows they're propped up on, mouth urgent and hands clutching at Kalei's waist and back. Heat courses through Kalei's body, warming her down to her toes, and she gasps into Quill's mouth as she kisses her back eagerly, greedily. She's missed kissing Quill like this.

Of course, the moment Quill tries to advance the kiss further, by rolling on top of her, she groans with pain and releases Kalei immediately, sinking back into the pillows and clutching her side.

"Ow," Quill says, with annoyance. "Not as numb as I was earlier. That would be why I'm under instruction to wait eleven days."

"Are you okay?"

"Fine. Just sore."

Kalei finds herself laughing and kisses Quill's cheek. "Well, it'll be worth the wait. The 30th is a Friday. We'll have the whole weekend, except for if we want to do anything for New Year's. Sally and Cheng normally throw a party, but we could make it a short appearance. And besides, you can be my New Year's Kiss."

"What does the hell does that mean?"

"The second we hit the new year, at midnight, it's a tradition to kiss the person that you want to be with in that new year," Kalei explains. "Or failing that, just somebody you feel like kissing. I've not had a New Year's kiss since I was a teenager. It would be… really nice to have a proper one now."

"So my job is just to kiss you come midnight?" Quill asks. "Brilliant. I like this tradition. Finally, a human idea I can get behind."

Kalei narrows her eyes. "You're just saying that because you like kissing me, not because you approve of any of the greater meaning."

"So?"

Kalei chuckles. "You're ridiculous."

"Sally's going to kill me at that party."

"Why?"

Quill's eyes are a shade darker as they regard Kalei. "Well, for one, you probably won't be able to walk, God knows what state the rest of you will be in. Your neck might be covered in bruises. What do you call them? Hickeys? Those." Quill's finger traces the line of Kalei's neck, making Kalei swallow. "Lots of those."

"Okay, I take it back, I understand your urgency, eleven days is a long time," Kalei whispers.

"I'm sure I could safely get you off at some point before those days are up, if you like," Quill offers.

Kalei laughs and kisses her. "Thank you, Andy, but I'll wait. It's not just about sex, it's about you. You're worth waiting for."

"Oh," Quill mumbles, looking away, cheeks flushing a little. "Okay. Good to know."

* * *

"I think I should probably go get some food for myself. I'll find out what you're allowed to eat and ask them to bring you something too," Kalei says eventually, with a fair amount of reluctance.

Quill, somehow, hadn't actually realised how hungry she was until Kalei says this, but now she's ravenous.

"Yes, food, as soon as possible," Quill says urgently, making Kalei laugh again, and kiss her in farewell before heading for the door.

"Maybe I'll find my shoes," Kalei says thoughtfully on her way out.

The waiting isn't fun, because Quill's phone has no signal - which isn't surprising given how far out of range she must be - so she's relegated to playing Tetris offline as a way to pass the time. Which is… fine, but not nearly as good as looking up pictures of cats. Not that she doesn't have about two hundred saved to her phone, but that isn't remotely the point.

After a time, Doctor Ha'aral comes in with Athena in his arms, and a nurse behind him bearing a tray of food.

"Everything still seems to be in order with her, medically speaking," Ha'aral assures Quill. "Do you want to hold her?"

Quill glances at the nurse behind him. "Can I eat first?"

She hates being hungry, more than anything, so she doesn't understand why Ha'aral seems to find her question so amusing. It's easy enough to ignore him, though, when the tray is put in front of her and she can wolf down the food there. It's not particularly tasty, but Quill is hardly picky about that.

"Speaking of food, given that you seem to be lacking in mammary glands, we've got Athena on our standard formula for newborns at the moment," Ha'aral says as she eats, still holding the baby and jiggling her up and down a little with ease. "We can give you some to take with you, and after a month or two you should be more than fine to use the formula commonly used where you live, from what the Doctor has told me about it."

Quill hadn't given much thought to what her baby would eat. It's still strange, the concept of her baby being a Quill but also not. Also Lorr, and human, despite not really having any DNA for the latter.

"Right," Quill says. "Thanks. Good to know."

Once she's finished her food, she puts the tray to the side and holds her arms out. Ha'aral gives her the baby. It's still not natural, or easy, holding the baby and getting her settled in her arms for the second time, but Quill relies on her memory and the Doctor's instructions.

A glance up at Ha'aral, to check, has him nodding at her. She lets out a breath, reassured.

"So she's perfectly healthy?" Quill asks.

"As far as I can make out."

"She was strong before, so it's no surprise." Quill looks down at her daughter. "She'll be a warrior, like me. Like her father. It's in her blood."

Ha'aral doesn't quite seem to know what to say to that, but he nods again. "I don't doubt she'll be a credit to your people."

Kalei comes back in then, a little plate with a pastry on it in her hand, and pastry crumbs around her mouth. She comes to a halt when she sees the new additions to the room.

"Oh, hi," she says to Ha'aral, and her eyes go to Quill and Athena. "Everything okay with the baby, then?"

"Apparently," Quill says.

"Do you want me to arrange for a bed to be brought in here?" Ha'aral asks Kalei. "Since you're staying overnight."

"She fits on my bed, we'll be fine," Quill says, and Ha'aral chuckles a little as he looks between them. Kalei is blushing slightly. It's cute (and Quill really _is_ too far gone, to be thinking that).

"I shouldn't really condone that, but if you're sure," Ha'aral says, and they thank him before he leaves.

Kalei sits on the edge of Quill's bed and keeps eating her pastry. Her eyes are mostly just for Quill, but she occasionally glances down at the baby.

"She seems happy," Kalei says.

"Does she?" Quill asks. "Good. Am I supposed to do something while I hold her? As an activity, it's not exactly varied, is it?"

"I think you're just meant to… enjoy it. When she's a bit older you can play with her _while_ you hold her."

"Hmm."

Kalei finishes her pastry and discards the plate in the bin in the corner of the room, before moving back to the bed. She sits there, watches Athena for a while, and reaches out to touch the back of Athena's little hand. There's a lot of hesitance to the action, like how she had acted when directly confronted with Quill's pregnant belly.

"You're not comfortable with her," Quill realises.

Kalei looks at her, and opens her mouth, like she's going to deny it, only to apparently think better of it. "I'm sorry. I don't have a good reason-"

"I didn't ask for a reason, and you don't need to give me one," Quill replies. "I'm simply trying to ascertain your feelings."

"Oh."

"Feelings aren't necessarily logical," Quill says, shrugging, "and under the circumstances, I think it's more than reasonable for you to be uncertain about all this. _I'm_ uncertain about this."

Kalei takes a deep breath, looks at the baby, then back at Quill. "It's going to be okay. I know that."

"Do you? I don't," Quill says. Kalei gives her a smile, the kind of soft, adoring smile that never fails to make Quill's stomach do a backflip, and leans in to kiss her.

"You can do this," Kalei says against her lips, before nudging her nose. "And I'll help you."

Quill's heart swells in her chest, and she feels warm in a way that has her eyes filling with tears. She can't wipe them away, because she's holding Athena, but showing her emotions isn't so bad when it's with Kalei.

"Thank you," Quill whispers.

"Are you okay?" Kalei asks, brow creasing with worry.

"I don't know, I'm - is this how many feelings you lot normally feel?" Quill asks, disbelieving. "I feel like I'm about to explode, it's ridiculous."

"I bet," Kalei says with sympathy. "Having a baby means being scared and excited and happy all at once, usually. Or so I hear."

"No, that's not what I-" Quill blinks at her with surprise, frowning and wondering how she's misunderstood. Quill hadn't really been talking about the baby at all; she'd meant her feelings about Kalei.

Her big, scary, powerful feelings about Kalei. She's not had feelings like this since Rhodia, since her people and lover that fell on the day her life had fallen apart. Not since the people she had loved with everything she had.

It's scary, loving like this again. But Quill's heart has always been reckless, never paying attention to her head when it had told her heart to keep its distance and be careful, to keep itself safe. Because Quill, for all her groaning about humans and their sentimentality, is far too often at the whim of her heart instead of her head, no matter how logical she prides herself on being.

She wants to make Kalei understand, make her see the obvious, and opens her mouth to say _something_ –

Except Kalei isn't looking at her anymore. Kalei is looking at the baby, who has grabbed Kalei's finger. And she's mesmerised.

"She's so beautiful," Kalei murmurs, eyes soft, a tug at the corner of her lips as she glances up at Quill. "Like you. Not that I ever thought she wouldn't be."

"I wouldn't know, you know. I'm rubbish with human appearances," Quill says, like the praise hasn't warmed her, "but I'm glad she's visually pleasing by human standards. My understanding is that will make her life easier."

Kalei laughs. "I suppose so." She gives Athena a little smile, before focusing more on Quill. "You look tired. Should we try and have a proper sleep?"

"What time is it, in relation to when we left?"

"I have no idea."

"Bit tricky to compare, probably, since this planet probably doesn't have 24 hour days anyway."

"How long were days on Rhodia?"

"We didn't even measure time in hours, and I'm not going to start trying to explain our way of measuring time," Quill says, snorting.

Kalei frowns. "The maths nerd part of me wants to know, to see if I could conceptualise it. But the rest of me is tired and recognises that it would probably just give me an unnecessary headache."

"In the words of someone wise, _can we sort the maths out later, please?_ " Quill mimics, making Kalei laugh.

"Okay, that sounds fair. So, sleep?"

All at once, Quill is hit by how tired she really is. She's exhausted, her entire body, and while the nap helped, the sensible part of her knows she needs a proper sleep.

"Yes, I think so," Quill says, nodding. "Can you put the baby in the cot?" Kalei freezes, and Quill feels like an idiot. Kalei hasn't held the baby. She isn't comfortable with holding the baby. "Oh, um-" Quill makes a face. Looks at the cot, then at the baby and herself, then at Kalei. She hates the fact that she does it so _helplessly_. "I – I can't. I still don't think I can get up."

Kalei swallows. "Um, no, it's okay. I can do it."

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable if it can be avoided, I'm just... not sure it can be," Quill says, frowning.

"She's yours, and you're a big part of my life now," Kalei says, with a little shake of her head, "which means that she's a part of my life now too. I need to get used to her _sometime_."

"If you're sure." Quill doesn't quite know how to feel or what to say. She wants to respect Kalei's reservations here, but at the same time, practically speaking, Kalei needs to be the one to put the baby in the cot.

Kalei's attention is on the baby now, biting her lip as she touches Athena's face ever so gently.

"Okay," she says, with a deep breath.

Kalei reaches for Athena, and Quill still isn't quite sure how these baby transfers are supposed to work, but Quill's awkwardness is made up for by the fact that, thankfully, Kalei seems to have some experience with holding babies.

Kalei tucks Athena into her arm, checking on her head. Another deep breath. She stares at the baby, and her eyes soften again as she reaches out to touch the tip of Athena's nose.

"Hey," she whispers. "I'm Kalei. Matteusz and Tanya already told you that, but… I always prefer introducing myself. You know, you're lucky you have so many people who are already so excited to know you. And your mum is wonderful. But she's also not really sure what she's doing, so you might need to be a bit patient with her. Trust me, when you're patient with her, it pays off."

"I told you to take the baby to the cot, not start a conversation with it," Quill says, like she isn't pleased by Kalei's comments.

Kalei rolls her eyes and tickles Athena's cheek. "Your mum is silly sometimes too. She's lucky she's cute."

"Hey," Quill protests. "I'm not cute, I'm terrifying. We've been over this."

Kalei rolls her eyes again, affectionately, and moves around the bed towards the cot. She glances down at the baby. "Oh, I think she's started dozing already. I can't blame her. It's been a big day, being born and all."

She touches Athena's face again, and smiles, before putting her down gently in the cot's soft bedding.

"You alright?" Quill asks uncertainly. "I know you're not-"

"Don't worry about me," Kalei says, climbing into the bed with her and snuggling into Quill when Quill puts her arm around her. "Holding her helped. Not, like, completely, but it helped a _lot_."

"Oh. Good." Quill isn't sure she can relate to that. Holding the baby hadn't helped _her_ feel less strange about this whole thing. But then, there is something inside her, something deep and powerful, tying her to Athena. A protective instinct in her gut, and something strange in her heart.

"Are _you_ feeling any better about it all?"

"I don't know," Quill says honestly. "I don't know if I'll ever not feel weird about it."

"It's a big change, and you were never taught about any of this. It's completely new to you," Kalei says, "I'd probably be more worried if you _weren't_ feeling weird about it. It's only natural."

"… how are you so completely understanding and logical about everything?"

"Because although I'm a Gryffindor, I have some serious Ravenclaw tendencies."

Quill snorts. "I wasn't convinced by the idea of stereotyping people by basic traits, the way those books did. I mean, the idea that the house biggest on loyalty were the soft pushovers was ridiculous. And not every ambitious person is an evil racial supremacist."

Kalei looks at her with a kind of delight. "You know, I just said that automatically. I never realised you knew Harry Potter."

"Matteusz suggested it after I finished Divergent," Quill replies.

"What house do you think you're in?"

Quill appears to be contemplating this. "You know, I tried to work it out. The test online told me I was a Gryffindor, but I'm not convinced. I fit all of them in some respect, really."

"Well, there's value in what you'd choose. Which one would you choose to be in?"

"Hufflepuff."

"Really?"

Quill has no idea why Kalei sounds surprised by this. "They value loyalty, and they're closest to the kitchens, where you can receive endless food if you just ask the house elves. It's the only logical choice."

Kalei laughs, that beautiful loud laugh that makes Quill feel so warm and pleased with herself. She turns a bit and pulls Quill down so that she can kiss her thoroughly.

"I-" Kalei bites her lip, swallowing what she had been about to say. "… please never, ever, change."

Quill knows this is only prompted by a silly conversation about a fictional magical school, but there's something so wholehearted and genuine about the way that Kalei says it. Quill thinks of all the humans and Rhodia who have tried to temper her, tried to make her be something she's not, someone like _them_. Thinks of her own people, always wanting her to be stronger and cleverer and fiercer.

This might be the first time someone has told her that she should stay just the way she is, because they value her – all parts of her – so much.

Quill shifts their position so that Kalei can't see that she's teared up a tiny bit. "I won't, so long as you never do," she promises, her chest again feeling so full that it's almost unbearable.

Kalei kisses Quill's knuckles, before squeezing her hand. "I promise. Now, we'd better get some sleep before the baby wakes up."

Quill holds Kalei that bit tighter, and gives in to the exhaustion in her body, falling asleep almost immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sappy enough for you? :P 
> 
> Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought! 
> 
> (And no, Kalei is not suddenly all good with the baby, she is definitely going to have setbacks, especially when people joke about or assume the baby is hers. But she's gotten over the initial reservations which is a start.)


	45. New Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This whole baby thing is going to take some getting used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, you have to marvel at how a story has developed to the point of some sentences/paragraphs/scenes being possible in what is, supposedly, a serious fic. 
> 
> The Kalei and Athena scene here is one such example. I loved every moment of writing it.

When they wake up in the morning, they have a conversation with Doctor Ha'aral, who talks about the extra treatments he wants to give Quill to speed up her recovery, while Quill listens with surprising attentiveness.

"Do you want to try standing up?" he asks her.

Quill gets out of bed with Kalei's help, and stands on slightly shaky legs.

"Goodness, look at that dilation," Ha'aral says with amazement, staring at her stomach. "If it keeps that up, your stomach might be back to normal in only a few days. Incredible."

"Rapid healing is apparently in my blood," Quill replies. "You know, I was amazed when I learned how much longer it takes Rhodians to heal. And humans are just _ridiculous_."

"Why are you so much faster than Rhodians?" Kalei asks.

"Natural selection. My people were all about fighting, remember?"

"Oh. Nice."

"At any rate, I'll be glad to be looking myself again," Quill says with relief. "I miss my nice clothes. And being able to go outside without a long coat on."

"Well, why don't you come with me, and we can see about those extra treatments. I'm sure your girlfriend can stay here with the baby."

Kalei finds herself only a _little_ panicked at the idea of being left alone with the baby, which is a nice bit of progress, really.

"Kalei?" Quill asks, glancing between Kalei and the cot.

Kalei smiles. "I'll be fine. You go. I know more about postpartum side effects than you, and trust me, the more fancy futuristic medicine you can get to avoid them, the better."

Quill nods, and allows Ha'aral to escort her out. Kalei sighs and moves to sit by the cot.

"Looks like it's just you and me now, Athena," she says, before laughing a little as she looks down at the baby blinking up at her. "Gosh, that's a big fancy name for such a little thing. Maybe I should ask Quill if I can just call you Athy. Or Ath. Wait, except Ath is a suffix for her real name, that might have weird connotations in her language. Hmm. This stuff is tricky."

Athena just blows spit bubbles at her.

"Yeah, I think you're right, I think I'm overthinking this," Kalei says. "I'm good at that. You'll see."

It occurs to her out of nowhere that she hasn't updated Sally on the whole situation, so she whips out her phone and is quick to call up her best friend to let her know that everyone is okay.

"It's all fine," she says as soon as Sally picks up. "Quill's fine, the baby is good, my worrying was for nothing."

" _Not for nothing,"_ Sally tells her. _"I'm glad they're all okay, though. Is the baby cute?"_

Kalei glances down at Athena, and pulls a silly face at her. "Yeah, she's alright. If alright means easily in the top five cutest babies I've ever seen. Plus, she has Quill's eyes, so I'm biased as hell."

She pulls another dumb face at the baby. The baby turns into a squid.

Kalei yelps and swears profusely in Zulu, jumping back from the cot and dropping her phone in the process. It clatters to the floor, and she swears again, before ducking to pick it up.

" _Kalei?! Are you alright?_ "

"Fine," Kalei says weakly, taking a deep breath, her heart pounding. "I just. Got a fright."

" _What happened_?"

"I pulled a face at the baby, and she turned into a squid."

" _... wait, what_ \- oh right, shapeshifter. _Jesus H Roosevelt Christ_."

Kalei slowly gets to her feet and inches back towards the cot, somewhat warily. When she gets a glimpse of the baby, she's looking at a tiny baby cow, blinking at her with big dark eyes.

"You're not meant to be doing that," she tells it. "You promised. I don't care how cute a calf you make, you're meant to look human, unless your mum has given you the okay."

" _Kalei, are you… trying to reason with a newborn shapeshifter? Also, I thought it was a squid?"_

"Yeah, well, now it's a calf," Kalei says. She hesitates, before reaching out to scratch behind her now rather large ears. It makes a little contented noise. "Aw, she's so cute."

" _Kalei, I think you've gotten distracted from the completely absurd fact that your girlfriend's newborn baby is currently a cow, and was five seconds ago a squid."_

Kalei isn't quite sure how to counter that, and while she's thinking about what she can say, Quilliam turns into a squirrel.

Maybe it's the fluffy tail, or just the fact that the word 'squirrel' is oddly hilarious in itself and always makes Kalei think of that talking dog in the Pixar movie, or something else altogether. But something in Kalei snaps.

Next thing she knows, she's clutching the cot frame for support, as she laughs so hard that tears immediately come to her eyes and her legs mostly give out on her. She slides to the floor, laughing all the while, because how can this possibly be real? And how could it possibly be fake? She has a great imagination, but not _this_ good of an imagination.

" _Kalei? Are you alright?"_

"Nope," she manages to say, gasping for breath because she just can't stop the laughter. Her stomach aches, her lungs are screaming for oxygen, and it's not unlike her panic attack yesterday. "I just - this is completely and utterly insane. My life is absolutely, properly bonkers. And it's like it's only just hitting me _how much_."

" _How worried should I be, right now?"_

"No, I'm okay, I just… need to breathe," Kalei says slowly. "It's not even... bad, at this point. It's just. Really really ridiculous. But somehow real."

Deep breath, finally. Calm. She can do calm.

Something nudges against her hair, and she jumps a mile. When she whirls around, she sees Athena, the chestnut foal edition, trying to nuzzle at her head through the bars of the cot.

After several softly muttered Zulu obscenities, Kalei sighs and lets herself lean her head against the bars. When she gets nuzzled, she smiles a little.

"This is still ridiculous," she says to Athena. "You're lucky you're cute. In multiple forms, it seems."

" _Well, it sounds like you and the weird alien baby are getting along just fine, so I'm going to leave you to it. Christmas shopping and all that."_

"You better get me something good," Kalei tells her.

" _Where's the faith?"_

"Love you," Kalei says with a grin.

" _Love you too. Have fun with your alien nonsense."_

Kalei hangs up and puts the phone in her jacket, before looking at the foal who is still nudging her. It's ridiculous that this is her life now, but she touches Athena's face and finds herself smiling again.

"Oh no, no, none of that," Quill's voice says, and Kalei looks up to see her girlfriend and Ha'aral reentering the room. "I remember expressly forbidding this."

Almost sheepishly, Athena turns back into a baby in an instant, now lying on her side awkwardly. Kalei is quick to get her back on her back, and looks at her with exasperation.

"You can't let her do that," Quill tells Kalei, frowning.

"I'm not her mother!" Kalei retorts. "If she wants to turn into a squid and give me the fright of my life, how the hell am I meant to stop her?"

Quill opens her mouth, shuts it again. Does it twice before making a face. "Yeah, fair point, you're not nearly as intimidating as I'd like."

Kalei crosses her arms and gives her a very unimpressed look. "I'm sorry, what was that before about you not wanting me to change?"

"I mean," Quill says, quickly, "you know. Um. Shit, I've got nothing."

Kalei stares at her for a moment, but finds she can't be annoyed, because it was a tiny, stupid thing to begin with, and now Quill is doing that frown that makes Kalei's chest go all funny _every damn time_.

"You're so lucky you're cute," Kalei tells her, a huge and helpless smile on her face, and Quill tries to grumble, but Kalei has already put her arms around Quill's neck and started kissing her. Unsurprisingly, this shuts her up pretty quickly, and Quill's arms wind around Kalei's waist.

Quill's mouth is so incredibly eager, and it warms Kalei right down to her toes to know she's so wanted. She knows they can't have sex right now, but at the moment, just kissing her, like this, would be so -

"Ahem."

They break apart to see Doctor Ha'aral looking a bit awkward, though there's a small smile on his lips.

"Everything's in order, just so you know," he tells them. "Quill is fit to leave. I just need to check with the nurse about whether the baby formula is packed and ready for you."

"Don't we need a ride, first?" Kalei asks.

"Oh, I was under the impression that the large blue box out in the waiting area was the Doctor's vehicle," Ha'aral says, surprised.

"He's here?" Quill blinks. "Oh. That was quick."

Sure enough, once Quill is dressed in clothes that are already too big for her, and she's got the baby in her arms, while Kalei's been given a container filled with some kind of futuristic baby powder that thankfully Quill seems to have been told all about, they make their way out into the waiting area and see the Doctor waiting outside the blue box.

"There they are," the Doctor says. "The last Quills and the maths teacher. What a trio. Oh, and I have your shoes, Kalei."

"Wait, so I can seriously just… leave?" Quill asks, turning around to look between Ha'aral and the Doctor, skeptically. "That can't be right."

"Why wouldn't it be right?"

"Because I… I still don't know anything about how to do this!" When they all look at her blankly, Quill stares at them with disbelief. There's a kind of panic, but also aggravation, in her eyes. "Seriously? This is how it works? Someone has idiotic unprotected sex, and then some time down the track they're allowed to just walk out of hospital with an entirely new living being, one they are responsible for even though the ability to create a child doesn't remotely denote the ability to look after one? Are you seriously just going to let me leave, when I obviously have no clue what I'm doing?!"

"Quill," Kalei says, concerned. "Panicking. Breathe."

Quill does breathe, but it doesn't seem to help much. "This can't be legal," she continues, shaking her head. "They can't legally be allowed to let me leave with her. What if I forget to feed her? Don't humans kill their fish all the time by forgetting to feed them?"

"She's not a fish, she's your daughter," Kalei says, torn between laughter and exasperation.

"Exactly! Much more difficult to replace!"

"Try impossible," the Doctor says, "that's why you look after her. Besides, she'll tell you when she's hungry, remember?"

Quill shakes her head again, and turns to look at the Doctor with a kind of pleading in her eyes, the panic now full force. "Doctor, please, I can't - I don't - I don't know what I'm doing-"

The Doctor puts his hands on her shoulders. "No parent _ever_ knows what they're doing the first time. What you're feeling now is natural."

"It's not natural, there's nothing natural about this, I'm supposed to be _dead-_ " Quill is borderline hysterical now, and Kalei steps closer so that she can do something, but the Doctor holds Quill's gaze with his own.

"Quill, look at her," he says gently.

Quill stares at him, eyes wide and lips parted, her chest still rising and falling with her heaving breaths of panic. She swallows and looks down at Athena, at the baby dozing in her arms. Quill stills, takes several deep breaths, and stares at her daughter.

"There, that's it," the Doctor tells her. "Now. When you look at her, do you want to protect her?"

"Yes, of course I do," Quill snaps.

"Why?"

"Because she's the last legacy of my people, and her father's, and because-" Quill swallows again. "And because, I don't know, she's… mine. She's a part of me that's _not_ part of me anymore."

"Exactly. And you're not going to let anything happen to her, are you?" the Doctor asks.

Quill stares at Athena. "... no," she says, voice soft.

"There, see? _That's_ why they're letting you leave-"

"They shouldn't just _assume_ I feel like that!" Quill argues. "For god's sake, you just had to stop me and _make_ me realise I feel like that, what if you hadn't done that?"

Kalei puts her hand on Quill's back as she comes to stand next to her. "Quill, breathing, remember? You've got a point, but so does he. I think it's just… a part of the universe, new parents having to work out parenting as they go. Maybe it _should_ be more regulated, but is this really the time?"

Quill looks between them. "Do you _really_ think I can do this?" It's not scepticism anymore, it's a genuine question, asking both of them - two of the only people whose opinions she values, Kalei realises - for the honest truth. Asking them for reassurance.

"Yes, I do," the Doctor says, eyes warm. "You're more capable than you know. And you've got help, from your also very capable girlfriend, and five brilliant teenagers."

Quill looks to Kalei, who just nods encouragingly.

"Okay," Quill says, and it's not clear if she's talking to them, or herself, or both. "Okay. Get me out of here before I change my mind."

They thank Doctor Ha'aral one last time, and he wishes them luck, before they get into the TARDIS. Quill sits on the jump seat and holds the baby a bit tighter through the bumpy take off, though Kalei notices that it's not as bumpy as the last time and has to wonder if the Doctor has made the effort to be more gentle for the baby.

When they arrive back at Quill's house, they immediately notice a difference.

"That's a cot," Quill says, staring at the wooden structure next to the piano.

"We did some shopping, before the Doctor went to get you," Tanya tells her, and sure enough there's a couple of baby bottles on the dining table, a few packets of nappies, some clothes, and various other things.

"I-" Quill doesn't seem to know what to say.

"Try _thank you_ ," Kalei whispers.

"Thank you," Quill says, woodenly. She seems too stunned to put any kind of proper emotion behind it; she's staring at the cot and the teenagers with genuine bewilderment.

"There's one more thing," April tells her, biting her lip through a grin. "If you want to, um." She gestures for Quill and Kalei to follow her and Tanya, and they do, while the others trail behind.

They come into Quill's room, where there's another crib, and Quill's sharp intake of breath makes Kalei look at her, only to see that her eyes are wide and filled with some emotion Kalei can't quite read. The cot is made of wood, like the one in the living room, but this one is different. Its design is strange and rustic, the slats twisting and ragged, like branches of a tree.

Oddly, Quill's head jerks towards Charlie, who is watching her with an unfathomable expression.

"You-"

"Yes," he says.

"But how could you even-"

"I might have never been to the Southern Continent, but that doesn't mean I've never seen a picture of a Quill nest," Charlie tells her. His words lack his usual princely cockiness. They're more careful. More sincere. It almost sounds like an apology.

Quill bites her lip. There are tears in her eyes.

"Thank you," she says, quietly. It's not quite as hollow as her first attempt at it. It's more genuine, but also more forced. Probably because she's saying it to Charlie, and Charlie alone. "Is it custom made?"

"Yes, I was quite specific," Charlie replies.

"But we've only been gone for, what?" Kalei checks her phone, which seems to have adjusted itself back to its surroundings thanks to the network. "Six hours? How could you get a cot custom made in six hours?"

"Time machine, remember?" the Doctor says from behind them. "We've been busy."

Quill moves forward, tentatively, and lowers Athena into the crib, Her hands linger on the wooden shapes, the notches in the wood. One 'branch' reaches up and over where Athena is now peacefully asleep in her new bed. Quill touches it curiously.

"I got you a make-your-own-mobile kit," April says, "to hang from there."

"I have no idea what that means, but it sounds disgustingly sentimental," Quill replies, like she isn't wiping at her wet eyes.

"Is something nice to hang over crib for Quilliam to see when she is inside," Matteusz explains.

"Urgh, whatever. I'll deal with that later," she says, waving her hand dismissively. "Can you all just… go start a Twitter war with someone, or whatever it is that you kids do these days?"

The teenagers are happy enough to file out.

"Wait, so, just out of curiosity, what are we telling other people about the whole baby thing?" Tanya asks, hovering in the doorway.

"That I have a baby now," Quill replies flatly.

"That she adopted," Kalei adds.

Tanya nods, looking relieved they actually have an explanation. "Right. Adopted. Cool."

"Hey, training tomorrow," Quill says to Tanya, whose eyes light up, and she nods eagerly. Kalei watches her go with a frown.

"What training?" she asks Quill.

"I told you, she's my padawan," Quill says. "I'm teaching her how to fight. Should be easier now that I don't have a parasite inside me making me slow."

"You should be resting."

"Actually, she'll be fine by tomorrow, I should think," the Doctor says, scratching below his ear awkwardly, "so long as she takes care not to push herself. Though I hope that fighting doesn't include weapons, Quill."

"Nope, just good old hand-to-hand combat," Quill tells him, with an innocent blink and smirk. Kalei has to wonder if she has eventual plans for weapons, and she gets the idea the Doctor is wondering the same thing, but he doesn't push the subject.

Once the teenagers are gone, Quill moves to sit on the bed, facing the crib, so she can still see Athena through the slats. She looks lost, and so Kalei moves to sit next to her, and grips her hand tightly, bringing it up to her mouth to kiss the back of it.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Quill says, quietly. "Or. I don't know. I will be. It's just… a lot."

"Life often is," the Doctor says. "And on that note, I really should get going. Nardole's getting better at telling when I'm gone for longer spells. And at scolding me."

"What's a Nardole?" Quill asks.

"Annoying, but important, and occasionally endearing," the Doctor replies with an odd grin. "Anyway, I'll be off. Best of luck. Call me if there's an emergency. Or if, you know, you need to… chat. I don't really know how to chat, mind, but I could always give it a go. First time for everything."

"Thank you, Doctor," Quill tells him, sincerely. "For everything."

"Least I could do, I think," he says. "I was unable to help you once, and that didn't sit right with me until I found out that you were a free woman again. Consider this my… apology."

Quill nods.

"Oh, and that's one hell of a girlfriend you've got there," the Doctor tells Quill. "I'd hang onto her, if I were you."

Quill glances at Kalei curiously for a moment, before smiling. "Oh, I intend to."

"And Kalei?" The Doctor is addressing her directly now, and Kalei blinks at him. "Keep an eye on this one. I reckon you know even better than I do what trouble she is."

Kalei grins. "Yeah, I do. You can count on me."

With that, he nods at both of them, smiles again, just a little, and leaves the room. Once again, they are alone, but for the baby.

"So… here we are," Quill says after a short silence, not quite looking at her. "You, me, a shapeshifting baby with a dead father, five teenagers, and a bunghole of time. This won't be difficult at all."

Kalei grins. "I don't know why you're including me in that list. I'm not difficult, that's _you_ , remember? Trouble."

"You're _very_ difficult, because I want to have sex with you, and I can't for another-" Quill checks her phone. "Nine days, twenty one hours, and fifty three minutes."

Kalei shakes her head. "I can't believe you."

"Will you... stay? Tonight. I know you can't all the time, but I just don't think I'm ready to be left completely alone with her."

"Of course I'll stay," Kalei says, kissing her, slow and soft and relishing how Quill automatically cups her face to kiss her deeper. "If you need me here, then I'm here. Always."

Quill murmurs a thank you and nudges her nose, and Kalei smiles.

* * *

When the baby wakes them up in the middle of the night, Kalei - the big spoon, tonight - kisses the back of Quill's neck before using her foot to nudge her gently in the direction of the crib. Quill sighs and gets up to lean over it, making a face.

"Crying is an acceptable way to alert me of a problem," Quill says to Athena. "Turning into a hedgehog the moment I come to investigate is not. I'm not picking you up until you look human again."

A moment later, Athena is a baby again, and Quill picks her up, still awkward, but slowly improving. When she looks back at Kalei, there's that deep uncertainty in her eyes. The _I don't think I can do this_.

Kalei just nods at her encouragingly. Quill takes a deep breath, glances at the baby, and slowly nods back as she holds the baby a little closer to her chest.

They can do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!


	46. A Competition (and Christmas)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten days is a.... long time. For some.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And today's theme is: mutual thirst. And Christmas. 
> 
> I'm gonna do the Christmas stuff with the other kiddos in a separate oneshot.

It's when Kalei is holding a baby, sitting up on the stage of the Coal Hill auditorium with her legs crossed and her back against the wall, that she watches Quill deal a roundhouse kick in Tanya's direction and comes to an unfortunate realisation.

Her girlfriend is a serious badass.

Which, alright, she already knew. But there's a difference between knowing it and seeing it and even just practising against Tanya, who she is clearly going at least a little easy on, it's obvious just how _powerful_ and adept a fighter Quill is.

And now Kalei is extremely, uncomfortably, warm.

Thankfully, there's no distraction from one's obscenely hot girlfriend like her baby, who is currently in Kalei's arms and blowing bubbles of spit happily.

"Your mother's going to be the death of me," Kalei says to her, sighing.

One thing that is impressive is how naturally fighting seems to come to Tanya. She blocks Quill's strikes and dodges her kicks, and while Kalei has no doubt that she'd not last long against Quill if Quill was really trying to hurt her, it's still something to behold.

"No, not like that, like this," Quill says, moving to adjust Tanya's stance.

When the auditorium doors open a few minutes later, Quill instinctively moves in front of Tanya, planting her feet in what Kalei can now recognise as a defensive position, ready to attack.

Standing there, looking just as confused as Kalei feels, are Luke and Sky Smith. The latter's eyes widen when they see the inhabitants of the auditorium, and they immediately put their hands behind their back, hiding whatever it is they are holding.

"Tanya," Sky says in surprise.

"And Miss Jacobs," Luke says. "That's you, isn't it?"

Kalei gets up from where she's sitting at the back of the room (with a little difficulty, since her arms are full of baby) and gets off the stage, moving to stand with Quill and Tanya.

"What are you two doing here?" she asks the siblings. "It's the holidays."

"We could ask you the same thing," Luke says. "What are you guys doing?"

"Winter holiday fight club. Invite only," Quill replies without missing a beat, crossing her arms and looking over Luke and Sky, apparently unimpressed.

"Sorry, who are you?" Luke asks.

"Luke, this is Quill. My girlfriend. The one you're covering for."

"The old physics teacher who once threw a stapler at an Ofsted inspector and verbally assaulted him in front of the whole class," Tanya adds helpfully. "It was wicked."

"Oh, you're _that_ Crazy Blonde Bitch From Hell," Sky says, with genuine interest.

"This is my replacement?" Quill asks, unimpressed. "You're right, he _is_ a baby. Pretty, but a baby." Luke looks a bit offended, but she's already moved onto Sky. "And yes, that would be me."

"I thought your biceps would be bigger," Sky says, sounding a bit disappointed.

The look of outrage on Quill's face sends Tanya and Kalei into helpless giggles.

"I'm sorry, do you _want_ me to throw you across the room to make a point?" Quill asks Sky, scowling at them and looking ever so slightly put out when Sky doesn't look even remotely bothered by the threat.

"No, I'd prefer you didn't," Sky says to her, like Quill had just asked them if they wanted her to make them a cup of tea. "Ooh, cute baby! She looks so much like both of you."

Kalei feels the now familiar sensation of her stomach twisting.

"Quill, can you take your daughter, please," she says stiffly, hating how a single misunderstanding can make her want to drop the infant like a hot potato.

Quill, thankfully, seems to immediately understand and is quick to take the baby into her arms.

"Oh, sorry," Sky says. "I just-"

"Yeah, it happens a lot," Tanya tells them. "Seriously, though. What _are_ you guys doing here?"

"It's not important," Luke says quickly. "Come on, Sky. We have to go and meet up with Santiago, so we can Skype Mum, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," Sky replies.

With that, the siblings dash off with only a quick 'nice to meet you' at Quill and a general 'Merry Christmas!' to the whole group.

"That was weird," Kalei says.

"Everything at this school is weird," Quill replies.

* * *

After heading home on Wednesday night to actually sleep in her own bed and feed and cuddle her sorely neglected cat, Kalei picks up Sally on Thursday so that she can come over to meet Athena.

"So, how are you feeling about all of this?" Sally asks when they've almost arrived at Quill's.

Kalei laughs nervously. "Um. Mostly okay. Sometimes good, sometimes less good, and sometimes _really_ good. It's… a process."

"As long as you're happy," Sally says.

"Yeah, I think I am," Kalei replies, smiling at the thought of Quill, and the baby, and Matteusz and Charlie. Of Tanya and April and Ram. She's not quite sure what their little group is, but it's certainly something, now. "I really think I am. Or I'm going to be, as soon as I get used to the baby."

"Good, if anyone deserves it, it's you."

They pull up at Quill's house and head inside. Quill and Charlie are seated at the table, debating something about penguins, while Matteusz is standing, rocking the baby gently as he feeds her a bottle.

"Oh, hey, Half-Inch," Quill says, smirking when she sees Sally. Kalei meanwhile crosses to lean down and kiss Quill's cheek in greeting, letting her arms rest around Quill's neck loosely. "Come to judge me for my terrible life decisions while cooing over the result?"

Sally lifts an eyebrow. "Yeah, pretty much." She nods at Charlie in greeting before moving closer to Matteusz. "Hey, Matteusz. What's it like dealing with this lot on a constant basis? I feel bad for you."

Matteusz laughs. "Is not so bad. And baby is cute."

Sally looks down at Athena, and her face melts in that way people's faces so often do. "Aw, she's a sweetie. How the hell did someone like _you_ make something as precious as her, Quill?"

"Her father was a better person than I am, that was probably a good start," Quill mutters into her coffee. "As equally fucked up, but better."

"Where _is_ the father?" Matteusz asks. Kalei thinks he must suspect, from how tentatively he asks.

"He's dead," Quill says flatly, jaw tense. "He helped free me, and before we could escape together, he died."

"I thought he might have," Charlie replies, with a small frown. "You and Miss Jacobs have always talked about him in past tense."

"I am sorry," Matteusz says to Quill, who just rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, whatever," she says, turning her attention back to her phone.

Kalei knows the mention of Ballon is bothering her more than she is letting on, and dips her head to kiss the top of Quill's. Quill says nothing, but she gives one of Kalei's hands a little appreciative squeeze.

A knock at the door distracts them. They all look at each other for a moment to see who is going to answer it, before Charlie, who had just gotten up to head for the kitchen, sighs and heads for the front door.

He returns a few moments later with Dorothea in tow.

"Why does she keep turning up here unannounced?" Charlie asks. "Am I missing something?"

 _Other than the fact that your Headteacher wants to fuck both your guardian/ex-slave and her girlfriend, not particularly,_ Kalei thinks wryly, before catching her own thought and frowning at how nonchalantly she had been able to think that.

Her life continues to be absurd.

"I'm here to offer my congratulations, of course," Dorothea says, rather pointedly ignoring Charlie's questions in favour of smiling at Quill.

"I'd prefer that you didn't," Quill replies.

"Quill," Kalei says, frowning at her.

Quill sighs, much more loudly than necessary. "Fine." She puts on an overly pleasant, slightly high pitched voice, prompting Charlie to roll his eyes and head back into the kitchen. " _I'm so glad to welcome you into my home, Dorothea, do please tell me -_ ow! _"_

She cuts off when Kalei yanks on her hair for lack of any other way to shut her up.

"I don't think I like you doing that outside of the bedroom," Quill complains, making Charlie choke on the mouthful of water he'd just swallowed over by the sink. Sally groans and puts her face in her hands, and Matteusz looks at the baby with mild concern, like he's worrying about whether he should be covering her ears. Kalei, meanwhile, stares ahead at nothing in particular while trying to determine whether she has any fucks left to give at this point.

Upon deciding that everyone, except for the baby, already has a fairly good idea of what her sex life with Quill entails, she decides her level of fucks is, by this point, definitely low. Not completely non-existent, but low.

Unsurprisingly, Dorothea, forever slightly inappropriate, is smiling with just a little too much of a glint in her eye.

"Stop doing that," Quill snaps, frowning again.

Dorothea sighs, and reaches into her bag. Kalei feels Quill tense, and has to wonder if she's anticipating some kind of attack. Kalei strokes the hair at the nape of Quill's neck with two of her fingers in an attempt to make her feel safer. Quill leans into the touch slightly, but her body doesn't relax.

What Dorothea pulls from her bag is not a weapon. It's small enough to fit in her palm, silver and round with engravings all around it.

"What is that?" Quill asks.

"It's a Lorr relic," Dorothea says. "Found on Ballon's person and confiscated along with his other belongings when the Governors first took him into their custody."

Quill looks livid. "I'm sorry, is hearing about how you wrongfully took him prisoner supposed to make me like you?"

"He would have wanted you to have it," Dorothea insists. "He would have wanted his child to have it. I believe it's a music box, of sorts."

She twists the top of the relic, and it starts emitting sounds that don't resemble any music Kalei has ever heard before. They remind Kalei of running water, but with pitches that constantly vary.

"She seems to like it," Matteusz says, eyeing the baby, who has made a funny little noise.

"It's… weird," Sally says, uncomfortably.

"So are kazoos, no one asked for your stupid human opinion," Quill snaps.

Kalei doesn't even miss a beat before fixing Quill with a firm look and saying, "Talk to my best friend like that again and you won't see me for three days, minimum."

Quill stares at her with alarm, while Dorothea and Charlie lift their eyebrows in near identical looks of 'well, then'.

A moment later, Quill glances at Sally. "I'm sorry, that was… uncalled for," she says quietly, immediately looking away. Kalei feels rather proud of her influence when she sees the truly stunned looks on the faces of everyone but Dorothea, who gives Kalei an approving little smile.

"It's alright," Sally says, a bit too stunned to say anything else.

"I told you we would teach her some manners eventually," Dorothea says to Kalei.

" _You_ can fuck off," Quill retorts.

* * *

The weirdest thing about the days that follow is actually… how _not_ weird they are.

It should, by all accounts, feel odd. Spending most of the day, several days in a row, at Quill's with her and the teenagers, getting their heads around the baby, and how to look after one. There are a few mishaps - the most significant being Charlie getting burped on, much to Quill's delight, because of the truly affonted look on his face - but a reassuring lack of disasters. Luckily, Matteusz has rather enthusiastically thrown himself into a guardianship role, which takes the pressure off Quill a fair bit, and Kalei as well.

It just all feels, weirdly _right_. Even with the baby, who Kalei still finds herself not quite okay with at times, being with Quill, and the boys, helping them try to get a baby to sleep, makes her feel safe and warm and like she's a part of something special.

It's a bit like a family, though even she knows it isn't that simple, with Charlie and Matteusz. There are still strides to make, especially with Charlie, between him and Quill. But it feels like there is something wonderful starting.

Thursday night, Kalei finds herself watching Quill feeding Athena, standing by the kitchen window and looking out at the street while holding the bottle.

"Why are you smiling like an idiot?" Quill asks.

"If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you," Kalei says to her, like a part of her isn't dying to go over there and kiss Quill silly and pour her heart out in an embarrassing way she would probably regret.

"Fine, be difficult," Quill replies, rolling her eyes.

The next day, they go Christmas shopping. Quill is extremely unhappy about it.

"I am not buying presents for the two boys that irritate me to no end, just because I am forced to live with them," Quill says, while browsing the shelf of piano manuscripts with a little too much intent for someone claiming apathy.

"You keep telling yourself that," Kalei says, amused.

"Why are you and Matteusz so intent on forcing me to conform to this ridiculous human holiday?"

"Because it's important to a lot of people. And it's about spending time with the people you care about. Which means I want to spend some of it with you," Kalei says, moving closer to nudge Quill's shoulder with her own, before taking her hand as they continue walking down the aisle.

"Some of it? What about the rest of it?" Quill asks. "Oh, Sally."

"I usually do go over to hers in the evening, yeah, but for most of it I'm with my parents, obviously."

Quill makes a face. "Right. Those. You know, parents are a vaguely foreign concept to me."

"I'll get to tell my grandmother about you. That'll be fun."

"Is that sarcasm, or-" Quill stops once she's taken a look at Kalei's face. "No, you genuinely mean that, don't you?" A grin curls Quill's lips. "You're looking forward to making it clear how little you care about her opinion. Sheer spite."

Kalei grins too. "Pretty much."

Quill's eyes are oddly dark. "Have I mentioned that I love how defiant you are?" Her voice is low, and makes Kalei feel that intense warmth for a moment, as well as lick her lips.

"Once or twice."

"Well-" Quill leans in to press a light, teasing kiss underneath Kalei's ear, making her breath hitch. "It's one of your most attractive qualities."

Kalei forces herself to push Quill away, holding her hand all the tighter as recompense.

"You should get something for Tanya too. And then April and Ram, to not leave them out."

"Urgh."

"I can help, the presents can come from both of us."

"That's an option? Thank god."

They grab a Tchaikovsky book for Matteusz, for the new piano. Charlie is trickier, but they both recall his being into sketching lately.

Kalei stares at the art shelves. "He'd probably like a new sketchbook, and some pencils, or we could get him some paints?"

"I can't believe you, of all people, think I should be giving the boy who kept me as his slave a Christmas present."

"You two seem to be intent on remaining in each other's lives now, despite that being over, and even if no one really knows why, not even you two, it means you both have to make an effort with each other," Kalei says. "He's a good person, Quill. For the most part, an exceptional person. You know his beliefs weren't quite his fault."

"Yeah," Quill mutters. "He still didn't have to be such a sanctimonious prat about it, though."

Kalei smile. "Look, we have a saying here. _Kill them with kindness_. And before you get excited, it means that you make someone feel bad by being nice to them when they haven't been good to you. Help Charlie realise just how wrong he was to treat you how he did. Kill him with kindness. Metaphorically."

"Metaphorically. With paint?" Quill asks. It's impossible to tell what she thinks of the idea.

"That seems like a good start."

Quill is still, silent. Then she shrugs and sighs. "Alright, might as well."

They buy Tanya and Ram the same X Box game, in the hopes the two will play together. (They'd called Cheng, Sally's brother, for advice on which game, since he is a fairly avid gamer. He'd been all too happy to help. And in the end, they should have known that _Star Wars Battlefront_ would be the obvious choice.)

They get April an adult colouring book, and a fancy, bound book of blank manuscript paper, for her composing.

"What are you going to get me?" Kalei asks, grinning.

"I don't know, what are you going to get me?"

"I've already got your present."

Quill seems surprised by this. "Really? What did you get me?"

"It's a surprise! Obviously. These presents are all surprises, you can't tell anyone what you got them. And you have to wrap them."

"Yes, I get the wrapping bit. I just never thought about the reason."

"Why else do you think we wrap them?"

"Why do you lot ever do anything? I've given up on trying to understand the reason behind most human behaviour. Like, seriously, what's the deal with paying for tiny little shiny rocks to be put on a bit of metal for someone's finger? How is a rock a sign of affection? I've never heard anything more ridiculous. I laughed in Charles' face the first time he mentioned it."

Kalei laughs. "You're not wrong, there. I mean, I like jewels, don't get me wrong, but the whole thing is ridiculous."

"Good, we're agreed," Quill says. "Not that the money is a problem, I just reject the idea on principle and abhor the idea of potentially having to make such a purchase."

Kalei's heart skips a beat. "Please don't start talking about marriage again."

Quill rolls her eyes. "Don't panic, Kalei. I know the order of these things, I did reading and everything. The moving in comes first. And I'm not convinced I like the mating ritual with the big dresses and party, anyway. The alcohol bit sounds good, and the big cake, but the rest seems idiotic. Other than the tax benefits, but since money still isn't a concern, that's less important."

"See? Why get married when we could just eventually move in together and buy a big cake for fun, then get drunk and eat it?" Kalei asks, almost squeaking out of near panic.

Quill nods, entirely unaware of said panic. "Exactly," she says with great approval, smiling. "Of course, I have over twenty months to be won over, so we'll see."

"Twenty months?"

"Your two year rule."

"You said you didn't want to marry me," Kalei says, weakly.

"I don't," Quill replies. "But I might. One day."

Kalei takes a deep breath. "Okay, can you just… not bring up marriage, right now? For say… at least a whole year? You're going to give me a heart attack."

"Why?" It's the confused frown. One of Kalei's favourite expressions on Quill, but not even _that_ makes her feel better.

"I don't know," Kalei says, honestly, "I just… everything with us has gone so fast, and that's fine, that's great, but marriage is so… it's just too much, right now, okay?"

Quill searches her face, and Kalei's not quite sure what she sees there, but Quill nods.

And then, somewhat conveniently, Quill is distracted by the lingerie section coming up. Quill crosses to a nice set of lacy underwear in pale purple.

"I should just get you this."

"What's the point?" Kalei asks, laughing. "You'd just rip it off me anyway."

Quill smirks, eyes a little darker. "Fair point. What are you going to wear, then? Next week? You're the type to think this thing through in advance."

"What does it matter? You'd be just as keen to fuck me if I were wearing a potato sack as if I were wearing Victoria's Secret."

"Who's Victoria?"

Kalei rolls her eyes, but fondly, and just takes Quill's hand again, leading her away from the lingerie section. "Come on, you. I don't need anything fancy. An in-depth conversation about your Harry Potter opinions would be a more valuable Christmas present than say, a nice dress or something."

"Really? We could just… talk about Harry Potter? I wouldn't need to navigate your weird societal rules around gift-giving?"

"Really."

"Alright, deal. That's our Christmas plans sorted, then. In lieu of sex, we're discussing Harry Potter, in bed, with food."

* * *

Kalei has caught Quill holding the Lorr music box a few times since receiving it, stroking her fingers over it gently while looking at it with a quietly wistful expression.

"Do you miss him?" Kalei asks Quill, on the Saturday, which is also Christmas Eve, when she sees her holding it again.

"How could I miss him? I only knew him for all of a few hours," Quill replies. She swallows and puts the music box back on the dresser, the end nearest the cot, where Athena is happily sleeping.

"You know what I mean," Kalei says.

Quill tenses her jaw. "I'm not sure I do, actually." It doesn't sound _quite_ truthful, but Kalei doesn't want to push it. Instead, she moves to put her arms around Quill's waist and leans up to kiss her lightly.

"Well, I want you to know that you can talk to me about him. You don't need to worry about bothering me, or hurting my feelings. He was important to you, and so that makes him important to me as well."

"Thank you," Quill says.

Because they're still in such close proximity, it only seems sensible for Kalei to kiss Quill again, and this time Quill kisses back. At first it's just nice, and soft. But then Quill's lips are a bit more eager, and her hands find purchase on Kalei's upper arms as she pulls Kalei closer.

It's warm. Little needy breaths against each other's lips as Quill presses Kalei against the dresser, and _dear fucking god_ has Kalei missed this. The feeling of Quill's body against hers - it's completely back to how it was before, already, it's truly incredible - and Quill's tongue trying to breach Kalei's lips.

Too warm. Far, far too warm, when it's been so long. Kalei's body is getting overexcited, and she knows this isn't something they can follow through on, yet.

Kalei finally tears her mouth away from Quill's, turning her head to break the kiss. Quill kisses along her cheek to behind her ear, urgently, breath still laboured against Kalei's skin.

Kalei had, somehow, forgotten that sound. The sound of Quill wanting her that badly. It's so much of a turn on that Kalei can't help the little moan that escapes her. Quill chuckles a little, and nips Kalei's earlobe, sending a flash of heat down Kalei's body.

"Quill, stop, we can't do this, not yet," Kalei says, gently pushing her away, "and I can't do _this_ in the meantime, or I'll go out of my mind and so will you."

Quill lets out a groan of frustration, and kicks the dresser without so much as wincing, which Kalei finds rather impressive. However, her hands stay on Kalei's waist, and she doesn't put any space between them.

"I _want_ you," Quill says, her voice and eyes so intent and focused that Kalei feels her heart nearly give out.

"I want you too," Kalei says, pressing her thighs together to try and relieve some of the tension. It doesn't help. She kisses Quill fleetingly instead. "Six more days. We can do this. But right now, I need to go home."

"Why?" Quill asks.

"Firstly, because I'm not trusting us, after this, to sleep in the same bed and keep things PG tonight," Kalei says, before her cheeks turn pink. "And secondly, because I'm now very, very turned on, and need to go and do something about it. Alone. Before I go to my _parent's_ house."

Quill sighs. "Fine. I'm sure I can find something to occupy myself here while you're off furiously… getting yourself off," she says, smirking a little at the last three words. "In fact, I possibly just got an idea."

"I don't want to know," Kalei says honestly, shaking her head and kissing Quill's cheek before heading to the door. "Oh, but one thing."

"What?"

"Please never use the word _furiously_ in that context ever again."

* * *

"Merry Christmas!"

Kalei hugs Quill as tightly as she can with her arms full of a rather large Christmas present, and Quill grumbles when a present corner presses into her stomach. (Kalei has organised to see Sally tomorrow, as opposed to their usual Christmas evening drink. Sally had been more than happy, since it meant more time with Kalei in general, as opposed to a quick visit before rushing off to Quill's.)

"I don't care what you and Matteusz say about this holiday, it's a whole lot of fuss for one day of stupidly wrapped gifts and food that makes even less sense than usual," Quill says. "You smell like gravy. And pudding."

"That would be because I was just having Christmas dinner with my family."

"Ah, yes, how was your awful grandmother?" Quill asks, before suddenly stopping them in the doorway that leads into the dining room and kitchen.

Kalei stares at her quizzically before Quill steals a quick, firm kiss, and pulls back to smirk.

"Apparently you have special Christmas kissing plants to hang in doorways," Quill says, glancing up at the mistletoe hanging above them. "Unsurprisingly, the lovebirds insisted on it, and for once I figured I wouldn't argue."

Kalei grins, kisses her back, and then as they continue on, and she greets Charlie and Matteusz - the latter with the baby in his arms - sets about giving Quill the highlights of the day with her family, which thankfully had only involved her grandmother from midday.

" _So, Kalei, how's that girl of yours?"_

_Kalei laughs a little. "I'm not sure you could call her a girl. She'd probably get violent with anyone who tried."_

" _Your father says that you're well and truly smitten."_

" _Yes, I… really am," Kalei says, gaze falling to her plate as her cheeks warm. "She's the most incredible person I've ever met."_

" _Another white woman," her grandmother, Patricia Jackson, mutters._

" _Well, Nana, perhaps if black queer girls felt more supported, by their families and by society, more of them would be confident in who they are and I'd have some extra, more acceptable additions to the dating pool," Kalei says to her grandmother with a toxic sweetness, giving her a smug smile._

_The sour look on her grandmother's face is immensely satisfying._

" _For the moment, it doesn't seem as though you need any, flower," Makalo says to her, smiling. "You've got something good going, by the sounds of it."_

" _I really do."_

_It's later, over more wine, that Kalei checks her phone only to find no less than seven text messages._

**Questionable Decision #19** : You know, I don't know why you were so disappointed when you heard that Charles got me cat socks. They really are comfortable, and they have cats on them. Quite thoughtful, really.

 **Questionable Decision #19:** I'm less convinced about these cookbooks Matteusz picked out.

 **Questionable Decision #19:** (I know they said both presents were from both of them, but we all know Charles paid for everything, _and_ which gift was whose idea.) I just don't want to get involved with the fuss of cooking. What's wrong with beans?

 **Questionable Decision #19:** How's your Christmas dinner? Matteusz did quite well with ours.

 **Questionable Decision #19:** You punched your grandmother for me yet?

 **Questionable Decision #19:** Why do they show Christmas episodes for sci-fi? Why would they have Christmas in outer space?

 **Questionable Decision #19:** When are you coming back? Bored.

_Kalei finds herself laughing, heart bursting with fondness. She's still got an untameable grin on her face as she starts tapping out a couple of replies, telling Quill that she'll be leaving soon, and so will be there in about two hours._

" _That her?" Chanita asks, smiling. Kalei nods. "Aw. You seem really happy."_

" _I am," Kalei says, biting her lip. "I mean, it's been a bit weird because she… well. There's no way to say this without it sounding odd. But the other week, she adopted a baby."_

_Her parents lift their eyebrows._

" _A baby? By herself?" Patricia asks, looking disapproving, to the surprise of nobody._

" _Yes. It was all a bit sudden, but…" Kalei goes over the explanation she had thought of in the car. "You see, she was in the military. And she had this friend, and the other week he...was killed. He named her the girl's guardian. And so the baby is hers, now."_

" _That's a very good thing for her to do," Makalo says, impressed, if still shocked._

" _She takes loyalty very seriously," Kalei says._

" _I'm glad," Chanita says. "And… this whole thing with the baby, out of nowhere, isn't a problem for you?"_

_Kalei shrugs. "It's taking some getting used to, but I want to be with her, it's as simple as that. And I like babies just fine."_

" _You've always said you never wanted any of your own," Patricia sniffs._

" _The baby isn't mine, so it doesn't matter," Kalei replies. "I love children, I've just always thought the full-time part was a bit much. This is just another, smaller part-time child, in a different way."_

" _As long as you're happy," Makalo tells her._

" _I am."_

" _Well, I think-" Patricia begins._

_Kalei is out of patience. "Nana, I really don't care what you think. Just sit there and drink your wine, okay? If you're going to insist on being part of our company, you play by the 'if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all' rules. Got it?"_

_The affonted look on her grandmother's face is more of a present than either of the admittedly lovely books her parents had gotten her._

The part she is most proud of is what she had said to her grandmother, and she relishes that part the most, because she knows it'll be Quill's favourite too.

Sure enough, the words are barely out of her mouth when Quill's eyes flash dark and the next thing Kalei knows, she is being slammed against the kitchen cupboards by Quill's powerful body, her yelp swallowed by Quill's mouth, which is crushed to her own. Kalei abstractly knows there are several reasons she should protest this course of action. But all thought disappears as instinct takes over, and she kisses Quill back eagerly, relishing how Quill's hands -

"Do you _have_ to do that here?"

Kalei and Quill break apart, and look at one of the reasons that Kalei knew they shouldn't have been doing that. Or as he is otherwise known, Charlie. Matteusz - one of the other reasons - is just smirking around his mouthful of cake.

"Yeah, sorry," Quill says, offhandedly and not particularly sincerely, stuck staring at Kalei with that dark, intense gaze. "It's just… I get really hot for you when you do that."

"I can tell," Kalei says, a little alarmed, but mostly just outrageously turned on. She tries to get her breath back, realises Quill's knee is between her legs, and resists the powerful primal urge to press against it.

Quill follows her gaze down to their legs, glances back up at Kalei, and smirks. She shifts her knee just a little, and Kalei gives her a pleading look, knowing that if Quill does what she's threatening, Kalei will react in a way she considers past the point of propriety around the teenagers. Quill doesn't care about propriety, obviously. Kalei however knows she won't be able to look Matteusz or Charlie in the eye ever again if they hear her make the kind of noise she's liable to make if Quill puts her knee _there_.

Hence the pleading. Quill's mouth twitches, her eyes alight with her new power. She looks positively intoxicated by it, and god does it throw Kalei back to when she first saw Quill, when she could sense the raw power and just knew that she would never encounter someone as attractive as this woman is when she's the one with the power.

Quill moves back, and Kalei slowly recalls how to breathe again, before blushing furiously the moment she meets Charlie's eye.

"So, good day?" she asks the boys, as nonchalant as she can manage.

"Matteusz made me a scrapbook with all the pictures of us together that we've taken since I got to Coal Hill," Charlie says, eagerly, looking at his boyfriend with that dopey, lovestruck look that somehow suits him. Matteusz's eyes as just as warm.

"And Charlie did me some very pretty drawings of his planet and of Poland. We are going to hang them above our bed."

 _Our bed_. There's something beautiful about the way Matteusz says it so easily. About everything between these boys, really. It always makes Kalei want to smile madly.

"Quill, can you-" Matteusz nods at the baby.

"What?" Quill blinks at him. "Oh, yeah, sure." She takes the baby off him, and Kalei notices she holds her with a little more ease now. She's getting there. Slowly.

"I just need to use your bathroom," Kalei says to Quill, at the same time that Matteusz heads for the corridor.

They end up in the doorway together, and Matteusz glances up at the mistletoe and flushes. Kalei has never seen him react like that to anything, except when he had realised she was in a towel that one time. Poor Matteusz, calm as anything, except when confronted with women.

"I, um," Matteusz says.

Kalei smiles at him and leans up to kiss his cheek. "Merry Christmas, Matteusz."

He looks vaguely surprised, for some reason, but then his eyes are so warm that she is filled with a rush of affection for the boy. Sure enough, he leans in to kiss her cheek in return. By the time he pulls away, they're both giggling and grinning.

Matteusz ducks out of the doorway first, heading for the stairs, while Kalei goes to the bathroom. When she returns, there's a present next to the one she brought for Quill. 

"For you," Matteusz says, standing by it. "I forgot to put under Christmas tree." Kalei glances at the tree in the corner, which is now completely devoid of presents but surrounded by wrapping paper. "Oh, and thank you for the gifts. Quill said they were from you as well?"

"Yes," Kalei says.

"So this is for me?" Quill asks, grabbing the present Kalei had brought. 

"Yes."

"Hmm." Quill hands Kalei the baby and tears at the wrapping paper, ignoring or not noticing Kalei's little note card. "Oh. What the hell is this?"

"Is picnic basket," Matteusz says, lifting an eyebrow at her. "For taking food on picnics."

"Oh," Quill says, a little confused, glancing at Kalei.

"Well, you know, we never got to go, that time," Kalei says, with a little smile. "And you said it was a bit like how your people tended to eat, sitting on the ground, so I thought you might like it. You could go for picnics by yourself, or with Charlie and Matteusz, or with Athena."

"And you," Quill adds.

"Obviously. I figured that was a given."

Quill looks at her, not quite seeming sure how to feel, but Kalei can see gratitude in her eyes as well as surprise and uncertainty, and she'll take that. "Thank you, Kalei," Quill says.

"You're very welcome. Now, I guess it's my turn." Kalei grabs the present. "Is it from you and Charlie?" She asks Matteusz. 

"And me," Quill adds. "There are a couple of different parts." 

Kalei opens the package to find a mug that says  _3 out of 2 people have trouble with fractions_ , and a small black garment that she is briefly very worried might be lingerie, until she holds it up and gets a proper look at it. 

"Is this... is this a Darth Vader costume for my cat?" 

"Yes," Quill says. "I am immensely looking forward to seeing him wear it." 

Kalei bursts into helpless laughter, before pulling Quill into a kiss. "You are," Kalei says, still laughing and trying to kiss her again despite needing to get her words out too, "the most wonderful, ridiculous person." 

"So I did okay, for my first attempt at a present on this planet?" 

"Yes, you did wonderfully. Thank you. All of you." 

They all watch a Christmas movie, and then, as promised, Quill and Kalei talk the night away with mochaccinos, discussing Harry Potter at length, in hushed whispers while Athena sleeps nearby.

All-in-all, a wonderful Christmas.

* * *

"Sally, she's trying to kill me."

It's Thursday. The day before the torture will be over. It's been one hell of a week. Without school, she's been spending even more time with Quill. And while it's wonderful, it's also hell.

"Do I actually want to know?" Sally asks, making a face. "Is this appropriate to bring up at a cafe?"

Kalei considers the various incidents.

When she had been in the kitchen making coffee, and Quill had wandered in with only a long shirt on, pressed herself against Kalei for a morning kiss, taken the coffee right out of her hands, and gone back to bed, leaving Kalei turned on and without caffeine.

The time they'd gotten a little bit tipsy and Quill's hands had been all over her, whispering in her ear all the things she was going to do to Kalei come Friday. _I can't wait to be able to touch you. I've been going mad. It's all I can think about. I want to fuck you until you pass out. I want to taste you, I've almost forgotten…_

Kalei feels her cheeks burn. Every little touch of the hand, brush of the hips as they move past each other in the kitchen or in a doorway. All the nights spent at Quill's - at least five, out of the total - with their entire bodies pressed together but clothed, wondering if the hand on her stomach would move lower, wondering if she wanted it to or not.

"Actually, yeah, maybe not," Kalei murmurs, laughing a little because she's not sure what else to do. "I just… maybe I'm glad it's Friday tomorrow."

"You're a hopeless bisexual with a hot girlfriend, of course you're glad you're finally getting laid tomorrow. So am I, for the record. Glad you're getting laid, that is. Not getting laid myself, obviously."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And next chapter, finally... the sex. I'm relieved, you're relieved, they're relieved, it's gonna be great. 
> 
> Slight catch: this chapter, and the next, will be posted weekly. I've been hit really hard by uni work and run out of backlog, so I need a whole week for each chapter to get them to the standard I need them to be at. 
> 
> Hope you guys can survive the longer wait :P 
> 
> Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!


	47. Desperate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last hour is... a struggle. And clearing the house is just as painful, albeit in a different way. Kalei will be lucky if she can ever look Charlie or Matteusz in the eye again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm sorry, you were expecting the sex. But thematically, this didn't fit, and so I needed to separate them. Sexy chapter will go up on Saturday, and I'll let you know then when to expect the final chapter, whether it'll be this time next week or Saturday next week. Thanks for your patience, y'all, uni was killer last week.

Waking up on the Friday morning is rather nerve wracking. Kalei is beyond excited by the thought of finally being able to have sex with Quill again, but at the same time… it feels almost too big, now. She feels so much more than she had the last time it had happened. When that piles onto long awaited relief of the intense sexual frustration she's been dealing with, won't it just be too much?

Hanging around Quill beforehand doesn't seem like a smart thing to do, for either of their sakes. So Kalei sets about cleaning her entire apartment, feeding Xenophilius, and then cuddling him for a solid couple of hours when she finds some Star Trek reruns on.

Of course, that's never going to last.

**Questionable Decision #19:** _I miss you. Come over._

**Favourite Human:** _Has anyone ever told you that you're kind of needy? :P_

**Questionable Decision #19:** _Of course I'm needy. I need you desperately._

**Favourite Human:** _It's only just going 1:30, and we have to wait until 4, pretty sure being that close to you will be kind of torturous._

**Questionable Decision #19:** _It'll be fine. Just… please don't leave me alone with the teenagers and the baby._

**Favourite Human:** _I'll be there in like, an hour and a half_. _Maybe a bit later, depending._

Kalei sighs, and heads for the shower, intent on primping herself to perfection given that today is finally the day. Picking underwear is trickier, because she wants it to look nice but also knows there's a solid 80% it's going to get destroyed. She also takes the time to have a substantial lunch. God knows she'll need the nutrients later.

With her curls in top form around her chin, a nice yellow jumper paired with jeans and boots, and a nice touch of red lipstick, Kalei heads for Quill's.

She is rewarded with a nice, long, obscenely hungry look in Quill's eyes when the blonde opens the door.

"I'm not going to kiss you," Quill tells her, licking her lips. "Because I don't think I have that much self-control."

Kalei swallows. "Okay. Fair plan."

They head into the kitchen, where Charlie is sitting at the dining table, holding Athena, albeit somewhat apprehensively. Matteusz is looking on with amusement.

"She's not going to bite you, Charlie," Kalei teases.

"I know," he says, while not quite looking like he believes it. Quill has meanwhile headed for the coffee maker, and Kalei decides to move and sit next to Charlie, figuring a bit of time closer to the baby is always good for her.

"Hey, Athena," Kalei says, touching the baby's face.

"Do you want to hold her?" Charlie asks. It sounds more like a plea.

Kalei is never quite sure that she _wants_ to hold the baby, but she takes pity on him and lifts Athena into her arms.

"Fancy the big meanie prince being scared of little old you," Kalei says to her, chuckling. As always, once she's actually holding the baby, she feels a lot better. Her eyes - Quill's eyes - win her over every time, making a grab for her heart.

"I'm not _scared_ ," Charlie says, affronted. "I was a _prince_ , I had to kiss a lot of infants for ceremony."

"Not Quill babies, though," Quill says, smirking when he looks away, somewhat embarrassed.

"Well, no."

Kalei looks down at Athena, who seems to have fallen asleep. She smiles and moves to put her in the crib by the piano.

"How are those books we got you, Matteusz?" Kalei asks, noticing them open on the stand, before moving towards the kitchen to see if Quill has made coffee for her as well.

"A challenge, since I am out of practice," Matteusz says with a grin. "But a welcome one. I have been teaching Quill as well as Charlie, you know."

"Yeah?" Kalei glances at Quill with interest. "You never told me you were interested in that sort of thing. I suppose you do have the hands for it."

She finds herself staring at Quill's hands, splayed on the countertop, and swallows hard.

"I've always been good with my hands," Quill says, smugly, "you of all people know that." Kalei feels heat rush to her face as she desperately tries to not think about what those hands have done to her and what she wants them to be doing right now more than anything -

"Quill!" Charlie protests, blushing himself, having taken several seconds to understand her meaning like the raging homosexual that he is.

They don't pay him much notice. They're completely entranced by the other, by the small amount of space between their bodies, and how all it would take is the smallest movement from Quill's hips and she would have Kalei pressed against the counter.

Quill leans in, just a little.

"At some point tonight, I'm going to have you on this counter, and you'll never be able to look him in the eye again," she murmurs, and Kalei's entire body shivers and she presses her thighs together uncomfortably, before turning around to kiss her _damn everything_ or to do _something_ \- but Quill is gone. She's already headed for the couch.

Kalei needs several seconds to compose herself. She's never felt so completely, hopelessly turned on. Like her entire body is jelly. Weird, volatile jelly about to explode.

She might actually be shaking.

Matteusz meets her eye, and to her surprise, he turns pink and looks away, albeit with a little amused smile. Dear god, it's _that_ obvious. She's made _Matteusz_ embarrassed.

She wants to get out of the line of sight of the boys, but that would mean being closer to Quill. She can't win either way.

"Do you want to play chess, Miss Jacobs?" Matteusz asks.

"I will if you call me Kalei," she says, smiling with gratitude.

"Alright, Kalei," he replies, testing the word on his tongue before smiling back at her. "White or Black?"

"White."

It's 3:10pm. She just has to last, what? Thirty five minutes? She can do that, probably.

Quill, after briefly checking the baby, moves to sit back at the table. Next to Kalei. Who has to resist the urge to tell her to not even _dare_ sitting that close to her. How could she possibly think doing that is a good idea?

"So, what are you and Charlie doing tonight?" Kalei asks instead, while Matteusz gets the board set up, praying their plans involve not being in the house, and realising she should have wondered about this before now.

"Sleepover at April's," Matteusz says.

"Well, we weren't going to be hanging around _here_ ," Charlie adds, shuddering. Kalei has to wonder just how much Quill told them about their plans. Knowing Quill, she probably just literally told them she has plans to fuck Kalei senseless for the entire night.

"It's true, you wouldn't be liable to get much sleep," Quill says with a smirk. Her hand comes to land on Kalei's knee and Kalei glances at her with barely disguised alarm.

"It's your move first," Matteusz says, and she is immensely grateful to have the chance to look at the board. She moves the pawn in front of the king forward two spaces.

"I've seen a lot about this game," Quill says. "But I still don't understand how it works."

"You should like it, it's a war strategy game," Kalei tells her.

"Explain it to me as you go," Quill demands, her hand stroking over Kalei's thigh and making her inhale deeply.

"Actually, I'd rather focus on trying to demolish Matteusz," Kalei replies. "I'll teach you how to play some day soon."

"Fine."

Matteusz is good. They are well matched. They would probably be better matched if Kalei didn't have her girlfriend's hand gradually getting further up her leg and brushing her skin teasingly through the denim of her jeans.

Quill is very good at pretending to keep her attention on her phone and the board, but Kalei knows that she is relishing every one of Kalei's little squirms and whenever Kalei bites her lip. If Matteusz or Charlie notice anything odd about their behaviour, they say nothing, which is a godsend.

Quill's phone alarm goes off just as Matteusz gets Kalei's king cornered.

"What is that?"

"Nothing," Kalei says, a little too quickly, moving her king to the side, knowing she is doomed to lose the game at the point.

"But you need to be out of here in fifteen minutes, as I have told you previously," Quill adds.

"Hang on. Is that... is that a _sex alarm_?" Charlie asks, horrified.

"No!" Kalei squeaks at the same time that Quill says, "Yes."

Matteusz, while trying to smother his laughter, moves his rook. "Checkmate." His voice is somewhat muffled by his sleeve, which is over his mouth to conceal his laughter.

Kalei tips her king over and buries her face in the table, feeling herself turn absolutely crimson.

"Out," Quill says, getting up from the table and moving to take the coffee mugs to the sink. "Now."

The boys glance at each other and then her, and hurry upstairs. As they leave, Kalei packs away the chess set and finds a spot on the lounge bookshelf to stow it away.

As she glances at Quill, she finds herself completely unsure of how to act. The whole idea of the sex alarm in all of its absurdity starts to hit her, because here they are, about to be able to touch each other properly for the first time in weeks. Why have they put such a strict time on it? How does that make sense? (Admittedly, it's mostly because Quill needs strict boundaries in areas like this. So, maybe it does make sense, but it's still ridiculous.)

There's a tension between them now, but it's not quite the all consuming sexual tension of earlier. It's almost uncertain. Like neither of them are quite sure that they really _can_ touch each other soon.

"Twelve minutes," Quill says, glancing at her phone.

"Okay," Kalei replies, unsure of what else to say.

Charlie and Matteusz return, stuffed backpacks on their backs, and linger in the doorway.

"If you come back before Sunday evening, I will not be responsible for any limbs lost," Quill tells them with a fearsome stare, only to frown. "Now. I've forgotten something. I know I have."

She frowns, and looks around, until her gaze falls on the crib.

"Ah." She crosses to it, picks Athena up, and moves to give her to Matteusz before the boy can get out any kind of protest. "Take the baby."

"Quill!" Kalei says, wide eyed.

"You can't just - give us the baby," Charlie says, "we're going to April's."

Quill is busy packing baby formula and nappies into a bag. "So?"

"We will not be able to explain to her mother why we have the baby," Matteusz says slowly. "Our reason will be strange, and inappropriate, to her."

Quill pays him no mind and briefly leaves the room only to return with baby clothes, shoving them into the bag and handing it to Charlie. "So sneak her in," she says to Matteusz. "She's small, it'll be easy; she'd fit in your coat."

Matteusz stares at her for a long moment. "I… cannot do that."

"Don't be ridiculous, of course you can." She points at his attire. "Coat."

"Quill, we can't do this," Kalei says, "this is ethically wrong on so many levels."

"I'm sorry, so you want our first night of being able to have sex to be overshadowed by a baby, and any crying it might decide to undertake?" Quill asks her, arching an eyebrow.

Kalei frowns. "Well, no-"

"Exactly. So. You will send me brief reports on her status and safety every two hours, call me if there is an emergency, and return her at this time tomorrow, not a minute before," Quill says, ushering the boys into the corridor and towards the front door.

"Quill, we _can't-_ " Charlie tries to say.

"This is bad idea," Matteusz adds. "What do we say if the sneaking in does not work?"

"You _make it_ work," Quill tells him. "Because by the time you get there, are discovered, and have to bring the baby back, I'm going to be knuckle deep in something you really don't want to enrage me by interrupting."

Her gaze shifts pointedly to Kalei, who turns redder than Charlie does in the same moment.

"Quill," Kalei chokes. Matteusz, meanwhile, is trying to cover the baby's ears while giving Quill an unimpressed look. She is unperturbed.

"Do not say these things around babies," Matteusz says, frowning. "Or Charlie. Or without your girlfriend's approval. She is clearly not comfortable with your speaking like this."

"I don't see why, it's not like we don't all know this sort of thing anyway," Quill says, shrugging. "Now, baby. Go."

Matteusz holds Quill's gaze for several moments. Even. Calculating. Kalei can practically see the various responses and scenarios playing out in his head. Eventually, he just sighs.

"Very well, but this is bad idea," he says. "But then, it is important for you to get this out of your system, I think."

"Exactly," Quill agrees, seriously.

Charlie seems somewhere between horrified and already resigned. "Seriously, Matteusz?"

Matteusz shrugs, and tucks Athena closer to his chest, underneath his coat. "This will still not be the strangest thing we have done. Probably. We will see you tomorrow then. Quill, Kalei."

He nods in farewell, and Charlie goes to say something as well before just shaking his head and following Matteusz outside and shutting the door behind them.

There is silence. And Quill and Kalei are alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand that's how Charlie and Matteusz end up sneaking a baby into April's bedroom! Don't worry, we will 100% see the sleepover in the Taphia fic, from Tanya's POV. That's gonna be really fun to write.


	48. Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After weeks of waiting, Quill and Kalei finally get relief from the frustration they've been suffering from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rating on this story has officially gone up! (It was long overdue, let's be honest, lmao.) Smut ahead, obviously, but also fluff and an odd, silly part about samosas that was definitely not planned?? These two are dorks, I don't even know anymore.
> 
> Enjoy ;)

_'Cause I'm on fire like a thousand suns_

_I couldn't put it out even if I wanted to_

_These flames tonight_

_Look into my eyes and say you want me, too_

_Like I want you_

**Hunger - Ross Copperman**

* * *

"Seven minutes," Quill says, looking at her phone.

Kalei wants to laugh. Maybe she does, a little, but her mind is mainly focused on Quill and how beautiful she looks in something as simple as a long sleeved shirt and leggings.

"Quill, sod the seven minutes. Put the phone away and kiss me," Kalei says, voice thick.

Quill blinks, like it hadn't quite occurred to her that they could just disregard the finer details of the countdown. Then the phone is dropping out of her hands onto the floor, which might have been alarming at any other time, but Kalei very quickly forgets about the phone's existence.

Quill's kiss comes hard and fast, slamming Kalei into the wall of the hallway. Her mouth is hot and demanding against Kalei's, while her hips pin her in place. Kalei moans a little and finds her hands clutching at Quill wherever they can reach, at her waist and in the fabric of her shirt at the small of her back.

Quill's hands hold Kalei's head firmly, allowing her to control the kiss, nipping at her lips and pushing with her tongue, licking at her mouth while Kalei feels her heart pound dangerously fast and her knees go weak. She knows Quill's holding her to the wall is the only thing keeping her upright as she kisses back, gasping.

Kalei yanks on Quill's shirt, trying to pull the dark material up over her head, and Quill finally pauses for a moment to allow the garment to be discarded before fixing her lips on Kalei's neck.

"Quill," Kalei whispers, her hands running down Quill's back.

"What?" Quill pulls back, eyes almost fevered but clearing a little as they look at her with concern. "Are you alright?"

Kalei bites her lip and nods, smiling widely. "I'm just… I just _missed_ this. You. Us. This part of us."

Quill's eyes darken again, but are still soft, somehow. "I know."

They meet in the middle this time, both so eager to be kissing each other again. Quill meanwhile is pulling Kalei's bright jumper over her head, and throwing it aside.

"You did not dress practically for this," Quill growls as her hands go to the waistband of Kalei's jeans.

"Sorry," Kalei says against her lips, moaning a little when Quill's hands slip into her back pockets and pull their bodies flush in the same moment that Quill presses a knee between Kalei's legs. "Oh god. It's ok, I can get the jeans off, I'll need a minute-"

Her sentence turns into a small shriek as Quill, deftly, and without any apparent strain on her hands or muscles, rips Kalei's jeans in several places until the fabric is falling off her.

Kalei stares at her with disbelief. "Did you just - those were my _favourite_ \- how strong _are_ you anyway-"

That question is answered when Quill lifts Kalei off the ground, with one arm, while the other is preoccupied with ripping Kalei's underwear from her.

"Oh," Kalei says, feeling obscene warmth flood through her body, especially downward, upon finally getting an idea of her girlfriend's strength.

Quill smirks while leaning in to draw Kalei's lower lip between her teeth. "That strong enough for you, Jacobs?" Kalei can only nod helplessly and kiss her. Quill kisses her back but chooses that moment to run her hand between Kalei's legs experimentally, making her shiver.

"Now, I believe that alarm said something about fucking you until you can't walk?" Quill asks, her fingers touching and teasing and making Kalei squirm a little.

"... please."

Quill kisses her again at the same moment that her fingers slide into Kalei, making her gasp against Quill's mouth. They waste no time in moving deep and fast, Kalei bucking her hips a little in time with them, trying to get more, always more.

Quill tucks her head into Kalei's neck and shoulder, holding her closer with the arm keeping Kalei up against the wall. Quill's fingers curl strategically and Kalei _whimpers_.

"Goddess, I missed that noise," Quill says against her neck, voice low and sinful, only making Kalei try and press harder against her hand. "Did you miss this? How it feels when I've got you pinned so I can fuck you until you're making noises like that? Miss my fingers inside you?"

Kalei nods helplessly, before realising Quill can't see.

"Yes, I did," she says, her hand running down the back of Quill's neck. "Missed you. Missed this. All of this."

"Good." Quill's thumb finds Kalei's clit and Kalei's body trembles in Quill's embrace. "That's it. Good girl. That feels good, doesn't it?"

"It feels so good," Kalei whispers. "Missed you."

Quill kisses her before her mouth detours downwards to press open kisses to her neck. "I know." Her fingers keep stroking her, her thumb circling, pressing her into the wall and kissing just below her ear. The sound of Quill's shallow gasps between kisses is what really gets Kalei, the sound of her _need_ for Kalei. It's the hottest thing Kalei's ever heard in her entire life.

It isn't long before Kalei can feel herself getting close, her legs shaking where they're loosely around Quill's hips, her breathing shorter and more desperate, her chest too warm.

When she comes, Quill holds her even tighter as her body trembles and she cries out softly. For at least fifteen seconds they just stay there, breathing deeply, Kalei especially trying to catch her breath. Pressed against each other, faces in the other's neck. Kalei secure in Quill's arms, between her and the wall.

Finally they pull back just enough to look at each other, and Kalei's hand traces Quill's face, thumb brushing over her lips in a kind of awed daze. Then they're kissing again, but it's different to before. It's need on a level deeper than sex, deep and desperate and powerful enough that Kalei is fairly sure she's crying because it's all just _a lot_ but in the best way.

When they stop for breath, Kalei stares at Quill and is blown away by how beautiful she is.

 _I love you_ , she wants to say. The words are on the tip of her tongue, and her mouth is open. But she can't do it. She's too scared to ruin a perfect moment when she doesn't know how Quill will respond. Why ruin a perfect moment when right now what they have between them doesn't need words? It goes deeper than words. Words can come later.

Well, the important ones, anyway.

"You know, I can't return the favour until you put me down, Miss I Could Probably Bench Press A Motorbike Without Breaking A Sweat," Kalei says, grinning.

Quill considers this, before lowering Kalei to the floor. Kalei keeps a tight grip on Quill's arms when her legs aren't as steady as she'd like. Quill just smirks.

Kalei glances down and starts laughing. "Oh god, I'm still wearing my boots. I'm completely without any form of pants, but still have my boots on."

Quill ducks down to pull them off, and Kalei keeps laughing until Quill is back on her feet and pulling her back into a kiss. Kalei grins into the kiss and pushes down Quill's leggings, getting rid of her shoes as well.

Now on her knees, Kalei is more than happy to push Quill's legs further apart and kiss up her thighs. Quill's hand knots in her hair and pulls her to where she wants her, and her whole body shudders when Kalei's tongue licks the length of her, before kissing where she's most sensitive.

"Oh goddess," Quill breathes, pressing her hips against Kalei's mouth. Kalei smiles and holds her against the wall as best she can, knowing Quill is strong enough to fight back if she wants to.

The sounds Quill makes are again the most wonderful part, and _god_ how Kalei has missed them. Missed the little whimper that she tries to hold in when Kalei's tongue does _that thing_ _that gets her every time_ , and the way her head drops back against the wall.

Kalei uses her fingers too, and the moan that escapes Quill makes Kalei smile against her.

"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck," Quill is murmuring as she gets close, and Kalei has to wonder if she maybe just isn't the most biased person in the universe. Otherwise, how is it possible for everything that Quill does or says to be the hottest thing imaginable?

Quill comes, gasping and clutching Kalei's hair even tighter, and Kalei holds the top of her legs tight to keep her steady.

After a few moments, Quill yanks Kalei to her feet and kisses her eagerly, and next thing Kalei knows she's off the ground again, legs around Quill's waist while Quill effortlessly carries her towards the bedroom. Kalei just laughs, grinning down at Quill and kissing her again before she's just so fucking _happy_. She nuzzles her nose for good measure and Quill smiles back at her before dropping her on the bed unceremoniously, making her yelp.

"Hey!" Kalei protests.

Quill just chuckles. "Sorry. Your surprised face is always priceless."

"You're so lucky you're devastatingly attractive," Kalei tells her, narrowing her eyes while reaching behind her back to get rid of the bra that she would rather Quill not destroy the moment she decides it is in the way.

Helpfully, Quill mimics her movement with her own bra, and Kalei is rewarded with the wonderful sight of finally completely naked Quill. There really isn't even a small scar on her stomach, only the one on her face from the arn.

The really, really hot one.

"Don't just stand there, soldier," Kalei says as she leans back on her elbows, grinning and crooking her finger at Quill in invitation. "There's a civilian that needs your attention."

Quill grins wolfishly. "Oh yeah?"

"Lots of attention. And, you know, you helped save her entire home not that long ago, and she wants to show her gratitude," Kalei continues, as Quill kneels on the bed and leans over her to kiss her.

"I'd say what she did with her tongue a few minutes ago is gratitude enough," Quill murmurs against her mouth, "though if she really feels the need to insist on _more_ gratitude, I suppose I can bear that burden."

"Well, I can either do that again, or be yours for the taking, however you like," Kalei says when they break for air, and Quill looks down at her with dark eyes. "Your choice."

Quill presses her thigh between Kalei's legs and smirks when Kalei inhales sharply. "Aren't you always mine for the taking?"

Kalei swallows hard, as heat, liquid and powerful, curls in her gut. "True," she says softly. "I'm yours in any way that could matter."

This throws Quill, a little, if the way she hesitates and looks at Kalei with surprise is any indicator. For a moment her eyes are soft, her hand moving to touch Kalei's cheek, mouth open like she wants to say something. Then her gaze darkens and she's kissing Kalei, hard, with that deep need from earlier, pressing her into the mattress with everything she has.

Kalei doesn't want to _complain_ about the amazing friction she's getting from Quill's leg between hers, but at the same time -

"Quill, slow down," Kalei tells her softly, having to almost gasp the words in the space of a few seconds she gets to breathe.

"Why?" Quill says, right before her mouth closes around one of Kalei's nipples and uses just enough teeth to make Kalei moan a little.

"I just - we did the fast stuff, can we just… slow down and enjoy this, for a bit?" Kalei asks. "Enjoy being here, alone, together, _finally_? We have the time to go slow, for once. Who knows when we'll get it again?"

Quill looks up at her, with that adorable little frown, considering. The kiss that comes next is softer.

"I can try, but no promises," she says, and Kalei smiles and murmurs a thank you against her lips. They kiss long and slow, and it's warm and wonderful and makes Kalei's heart swell all the more. Kalei's hands run down the length of Quill's spine, while Quill's explore Kalei's body with a kind of methodical thoroughness that is wholly enjoyable.

There's something so genuine about how Quill kisses her, these days. The way her lips chase Kalei's every time she pulls away, even if it's just for a moment. It's like she hates the idea of letting her pull away, for even a moment, hates the idea of them not being together.

Eventually their hands end up in other, even more enjoyable places. That's good too. After the hallway, it's nice to go slowly, able to touch each other at the same time, and reach that peak together, within a minute of each other.

They're already on their sides, and so lean into each other as they breathe deeply. Kalei kisses Quill's neck, and Quill hums with contentment, pulling her closer, entwining their legs as she holds Kalei tight.

They don't say anything. They don't need to. It's nice to just… exist together. Warm and present and intertwined.

"I'm hungry," Quill says eventually. Kalei laughs a little.

"You're always hungry," she says, poking Quill's stomach to make her point, earning a glare from her girlfriend. "But okay. Let's go find some food."

"Definitely better we do that _before_ I render you unable to walk," Quill agrees.

Kalei laughs again as they sit up. "Promises, promises," she says, getting up and looking through Quill's drawers for the sweater she knows she left behind the other day. She finds it and pulls it on, before tugging on Quill's hand. "Come on, you."

"I'm sorry, did I _say_ you were allowed to cover yourself up like that?" Quill asks, frowning as they walk through the hallway.

" _I'm_ sorry, do you think you're the full time domme in this relationship?" Kalei asks, arching an eyebrow as she backs Quill against the wall, hands either side of her head, knee between Quill's legs. "Because that is… not true. Your control is _given_. Just as mine is."

Quill swallows. "Fair point," she admits, before smirking and grabbing Kalei by the waist so as to throw her over her shoulder in a fireman's lift. "But _you're_ not as much in control as you might like to think."

Kalei squeals as she is carried into the kitchen and left draped over Quill's shoulder, while Quill puts some frozen samosas in the oven and goes about making coffee.

"Quill, put me down," she asks, giggling.

"Fine," Quill says, putting her on the counter, which can't be hygienic when Kalei is completely pantless, but then Quill is still stark naked so the lack of fucks currently given is hardly a secret. "We've got some time to kill, anyway. And I believe I made you a promise."

Quill pushes Kalei's legs apart and drops to her knees. Kalei gasps at the sudden feeling of her mouth on her, and grips her hair to keep herself from trying to grab something on the counter and breaking something.

By the time Kalei comes, she's sure of one thing. She's never going to be able to look Charlie or Matteusz in the eye again, now that she's had sex in their hallway and kitchen.

She says as much to Quill, who is getting back to her feet and smirking.

"So?"

"You're the worst," Kalei complains, hopping off the counter and searching for something to clean it with. When she finds what she's looking for she starts scrubbing where she had been sitting.

"Seriously?" Quill asks, amused.

"I'm not letting myself _forget_ ," Kalei replies, scrubbing more vigorously.

Quill comes up behind her, taking a firm hold of her hips and pressing the length of her body against Kalei's. "I had other plans for that counter. Though I suppose I can still bend you over it."

"Quill," Kalei whines, trying not to get incredibly distracted by the hand that has wandered up and underneath the jumper. "Food, remember?"

"Hmm, true. I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm good enough that the samosas wouldn't burn."

Kalei lets out a little sigh of relief. It's not that she doesn't want to keep having sex with Quill, because she definitely does, but getting a breather is nice too. Food, maybe a drink, and then they can revisit the idea.

She turns around and kisses Quill sweetly instead. Quill blinks at her as she pulls away, apparently taken off guard by the nonsexual gesture.

"What was that for?"

"Because-" _I love you_. Kalei smiles and combs her fingers through Quill's incredibly mussed hair, blushing a little upon recalling how it got into that state. "Because you're wonderful."

Quill looks a bit embarrassed by the praise, or at least not quite sure how to take it. "Oh. Am I really?"

"Yes."

"I think you're biased, I'm the cold mouthy bitch teacher from hell, remember? Who blew a lot of people up?"

"You're that too," Kalei says, using her free hand to grab Quill's and give it a squeeze. "And you're also my beautiful-" She kisses Quill's shoulder before moving up her neck, one kiss for every word, "strong, protective, fierce girlfriend, who has a bigger heart that most people could ever conceive."

Quill's arms wind around her, pulling her into a tight hug. It's a rarer gesture that Kalei appreciates "Have I ever told you how glad I am that you pestered me with coffee until I paid attention to you?"

Kalei hugs her back and laughs. "I'm glad too. Best decision I ever made."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Once they have the samosas and a large glass of water each, they head back to the bedroom and lounge on Quill's bed, eating samosas, the plate somewhat precariously sitting between them.

"We're having a proper dinner later, this does not count," Kalei tells Quill.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, it's not like I'm difficult to convince when it comes to giving me more food," Quill says with a roll of her eyes.

"You are when the alternative is sex."

"Hmm. Only sometimes."

"Like today."

"True."

"To be honest, I expected you to be a bit more… demanding, than this," Kalei says, with a little smirk. "What with how insistent you were on getting the boys out."

"I'm sorry, did I or did I not immediately fuck you against a wall because the bedroom was too far away?" Quill asks, eyebrow up.

Kalei flushes. "Fair point."

"I'm just letting you relax for a bit. I have plans."

"Plans?"

"Yes, plans. Of course, they involve _you_ getting orgasms, as opposed to me, so if you want to go down on me while I finish eating these samosas, I wouldn't be opposed to that."

Kalei stares at her with stunned disbelief for a moment, and then starts throwing samosas at her. "No, I won't, with a proposal like that!" She cries, laughing so hard she can't breathe. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?!" Quill replies, alarmed. "Why are you throwing perfectly good samosas at me and making them go everywhere so that they'll be harder for me to find? What's so unreasonable about my wanting another orgasm before I devote my time to you?"

"There are-" Kalei takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself and failing. "Better ways to ask. Much, much better ways."

Quill considers this, grabs the now almost empty plate between them and sets it on the bedside table, and then straddles Kalei with ease.

"Alright then, Jacobs. I'll ask nicely." She leans down to kiss Kalei's neck. "If you would be so kind as to please get me off, I'll make it worth your while."

"I will, on one condition," Kalei says.

"What?"

"Please go and brush your teeth, or find some mints. Your breath smells really spicy and I bet mine does too."

Quill stares at her. "Unbelievable. I'm trying to be sexually appealing, here, and you're complaining about a bit of spicy breath."

"Well, you're the one who decided the perfect sexy break time snack was _samosas_."

Quill, ever the little shit, makes a point of kissing her thoroughly before getting up and eventually returning with a packet of mints. They take two each and Quill sits on Kalei impatiently, crunching her mints between her teeth.

"There, happy?" Quill asks.

"Very much," Kalei replies, smirking as her hands slide up Quill's legs. "Now, I believe I was going to be in the middle of something."

"Yes, my legs, hopefully."

Kalei snorts and shakes her head, pulling Quill down to kiss her before she can say anything else absurd. Quill goes along with this happily enough, nipping at her lips and losing her hands in Kalei's hair.

There's something Kalei _loves_ about Quill being on top of her like this. About being able to look up and see this powerful, incredible force of nature above her, all piercing blue eyes and slender limbs, and know that although she has the strength to snap Kalei like a twig, she never ever would.

It also makes Kalei feel that much more empowered herself, to be able to make Quill moan the way she does when Kalei's fingers are inside her. To see the desire in Quill's eyes, to know she is so wanted by someone so completely singular. It makes Kalei feel special.

And then there's the moment when she brings Quill to the edge, and Quill trembles in her arms or against her, making some little soft noise that is so much more treasured because Quill is often so loud in all other respects.

This time, Quill kisses her as her body sinks down to relax on top of Kalei's.

Kalei runs one hand down her spine while bringing the other to her mouth to clean her fingers.

"Happy?" She asks, softly. Quill hums against her neck while kissing it almost lazily. "Good." Kalei presses a kiss to Quill's temple, letting her hand get lost in the strands of Quill's hair.

Quill makes more contented noises as Kalei strokes her hair, and Kalei finds herself wishing she could stay in this moment forever. Skin on skin, just the two of them, Quill nuzzling into her hand like a cat and practically purring. Warm. Safe. Together.

_Just say it._

_Just tell her that you're so in love with her it scares the hell out you._

"Quill?" Kalei asks, heart pounding in her chest.

"Yeah?" Quill lifts her head, only to bring it back down, pressing her ear to Kalei's chest. "Hang on, are you alright? Your heart sounds like it's trying to run a marathon."

"I'm okay," Kalei tells her, fingers still playing with her hair. "I just-"

"Just what?" Quill's eyes are intent, more so than usual - not in a rush to make a snide comment or rush the conversation. Her head tilts to the side. "Kalei. You know you can tell me anything."

It's on the edge of Kalei's tongue again. _I love you,_ she wants to say. _I love you I love you I love you, so much it hurts, in the best way_.

It won't come out. She's too scared. Scared she will think it's stupid, and human, and laugh at her or wrinkle her nose in a way Kalei would normally love but not bear to be able to see in this moment.

Which doesn't quite make sense, because Quill has talked about being in love before, and Kalei is mostly sure it's not a silly concept to Quill, but then she does also complain about _sentiment_ , and what the hell is Kalei supposed to think, really?

"I know," Kalei says, and smiles at her. "I just wanted to be able to look at you. Happily fucked is a really nice look on you."

Quill smirks. "Thank you."

Kalei nuzzles her nose. "You're so beautiful," she says, and feels her eyes well up with tears from the frustration at herself at not being able to get the words out. At how much she's feeling.

"You're crying," Quill says, frowning. "Are you-"

"I'm okay," Kalei assures her, with a helpless little laugh. "I'm just happy. You just make me really happy."

Quill blinks, and a tiny, genuine smile curls her lips, while her eyes are soft. "Yeah, well… you make me happy too. Happier than I ever thought I'd be."

Kalei kisses her again, knowing that at some point extremely soon, the words are going to come out of her without warning, at likely a terrible time, and it will all be a potential disaster. But her heart is so full right now that she can't bring herself to care.

They lie there for a while, just kissing and touching and enjoying the closeness. Quill is such a tactile person that although she'd never admit it, she craves this kind of intimacy almost as much as she craves sex.

"Alright," Quill says, shifting a bit to reach her glass of water and taking several gulps. "Now. My plans."

Kalei lifts an eyebrow and props herself up on her elbows as Quill gets up and crosses to her wardrobe, removing a nondescript cardboard box.

"Should I be worried?" Kalei asks, lifting an eyebrow.

"I did some shopping this week," Quill says, with an obscenely large, strange grin.

"Oh?"

Quill tips the box upside down and Kalei watches as a pair of leather handcuffs (identical to her own), a strap-on and harness, and about three different types of vibrators, fall onto the duvet.

" _Oh_ ," Kalei says, eyebrows up, wide eyed. "So you… _have_ discovered online shopping, then."

"Yes, I have," Quill says, with the obscene kind of smirk that really shouldn't be attractive but absolutely is.

"I'm so fucked," Kalei murmurs.

"That's essentially the idea, yeah," Quill replies, smirk still on her face, and Kalei continues to melt. "So, what do you want to try first?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And to the left, I'll be handing out fans and/or ice buckets to anyone who might be in need of them. We'll be resuming this on Wednesday. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought! I hope you guys are as relieved to finally get this chapter as I was to write it and as Quillei were :P


	49. Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill and Kalei make the most of their time alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter, woo! 
> 
> This chapter starts with filth and moves into fluff and humour. Enjoy!

It takes them far too long to navigate the harness of the strap on, and they're laughing the entire time - or rather, Kalei laughs at Quill's frustration until Quill has to give in and see the funny side after admitting temporary defeat.

"We'll deal with it later," Quill grumbles, tossing it back into the box.

Kalei is still laughing, and manages to grab the handcuffs with her toes before Quill can get them, only for Quill to growl and snatch them back, catching Kalei's foot in her hand.

"Stop laughing, I'm trying to be seductive, here," Quill tells her, frowning adorably. "The website made it all sound very promising."

"If you can't laugh during sex, you're having sex with the wrong person," Kalei tells her, shrugging. "Sex is funny, sometimes."

"Perhaps, but I think I'm just going to have to focus on making sure laughter is the last thing on your mind, for now," Quill murmurs, weighing the handcuffs thoughtfully. "What do you think? Finally time for it to be your turn wearing these?"

Kalei's laughter dies in her throat a little as she looks at the strong leather cuffs. "Um. Yes? Are you sure you're going to be okay with that?"

"Am I going to be okay with tying up my wonderful girlfriend, who has proven continuously just how much she cares about me, and is willing to stand with me?" Quill asks, kneeling on the bed and smirking. "Yes, I think it's safe to say that I've adjusted to the idea of you trusting me. And I do believe I promised you a world of fun when it was my turn to be in charge."

Kalei smiles. "Sounds good to me."

"Wait, actually, no. I think I promised _begging for mercy, for hours_ ," Quill says, innocently, tilting her head, a smaller, softer, but somehow even smugger smile on her lips.

"Oh," Kalei says, voice weak, body immediately far too warm. "Oh no. Not _now_."

"Oh yes." Quill leans down to kiss her. "What's wrong, Jacobs? You kept telling me you were looking forward to it. You wanted me to promise that I would. Change of heart?"

Kalei's heart is racing just thinking about it. "No," she says weakly.

"So, to clarify, you _are_ okay with and consenting to my restraining you with these handcuffs?" Quill asks, dangling them from her finger as she straddles Kalei's hips.

"Not for hours," Kalei says, trying very hard to keep her brain on the logical side of things, which isn't very easy with Quill naked and on top of her. "That would be hell on my my wrists and circulation. I've only done this once, remember. But for as long as is comfortable, yes."

Quill smiles. "Traffic lights?"

Kalei nods, swallowing as Quill handcuffs her hands together.

"Two fingers between your skin and the cuff, right?" Quill asks. "I've done some reading, but I wasn't sure about some of it, and I figure if I just try and go with what you did with me-"

"I didn't check the cuffs enough, with you," Kalei says, frowning. "You didn't mind, but-"

"You will. Got it. I'll keep an eye on them," Quill promises, seriously. "But two fingers, yeah?" Kalei nods, and Quill slides the fingers between the cuffs to check the tightness, and makes a little adjustment to one of them. "You alright?"

"I'm fine," Kalei says honestly. "Excited, mainly."

Quill grins a little. "Good." She attaches the cuffs to the headboard, and Kalei tests the feel of them again, just to be sure. God, it's been years since the only other time she did this. It feels okay, though. Not too scary, not when she knows she has the power to stop things at any time. Not when she's too busy thinking about being at Quill's mercy and feeling very, very warm.

"Water?" Kalei asks, with the last of her rationality. Quill nods and grabs her glass, gently holding it to her lips so that she can drink. "Thanks."

"Hydration is important," Quill says, having a drink from her own glass, "I read that."

"You really have been doing research."

"Of course. And yes, I know it's a turn on, try to control yourself when I haven't even started yet," Quill replies, with a little smirk. Kalei makes a face of mock offence, and tries to kick her with her toe when Quill gets up and fetches the bullet vibrator. "Hey, none of that. You want to be on your best behaviour, remember?"

Kalei sobers, eyeing the vibrator and swallowing hard. "Right."

"Now, I'm not completely sure how this-" Quill trails off, chuckling much lower than is good for Kalei's heart when she gets the vibrator going and tests the different settings. "Ah. Simple enough."

She fiddles with the different settings for a bit, her smirk only growing in size. Kalei has to stop herself from literally squirming with anticipation.

"Oh yes, I think we can have a lot of fun with this," Quill says. She comes to sit on the bed in front of Kalei, letting the bullet rest on the covers while her hands touch Kalei's knees, just lightly.

"Then why are you putting it down?"

"I don't recall saying you could talk," Quill says, voice low, making Kalei bite her lip to stop any unholy noise that might escape her mouth and make it clear just how _affected_ she is by the words. "Traffic light words and any begging only, unless I ask you something. Are we clear?"

Kalei nods, and _dear god_ she knows she knows shouldn't be this turned on, yet, but this is the kind of authoritative Quill that ruled her fantasies after they first met.

"Good girl."

Kalei is becoming increasingly certain that this is how she's going to die. But like she's thought before: what a way to go.

Quill leans in and kisses her. Rough. Demanding. Biting her lower lip _hard_. Kalei eagerly kisses her back, gives her everything she's asking for. Her wrists are held back by the cuffs when she instinctively goes to touch Quill, and she feels the first moment of frustration at being restrained.

She feels the loss keenly when Quill pulls away to regard her with interest. Her hands trail along Kalei's thighs, pushing them even further apart. A single finger explores the apex of her legs, and Quill's lips twitch.

"Well, well, someone _is_ feeling rather needy," she says, and Kalei wants to ride that smirk off her face, but also never ever wants Quill to stop what she's currently doing. "What can we do about that? Oh, yes, I have a toy, don't I?"

Quill picks up the bullet and turns it on, before running it all over Kalei's inner thighs, teasing. _Finally_ she gets it where Kalei wants it, and when she has the bullet pressed to Kalei's clit, it soon makes Kalei squirm.

"Is that good?" Quill asks, eyes dark. Kalei nods. "I'm definitely going to need to try this, at some point. Maybe a night when you're not here, and I'm thinking about you." The image of Quill using the bullet on herself, while thinking about Kalei, is obscenely hot and makes Kalei lean forward to try and kiss Quill, only to find her out of her reach. "Or, of course, I could bring you right to the edge, right now, and then stop, and use it on myself while you're stuck here, unable to do anything but watch."

Kalei stares at her. "You're trying to kill me, aren't-" Her sentence dies when Quill's fingers snap up at an inhuman speed to take Kalei's tongue between her fingers, silencing her.

"I told you, you aren't allowed to talk unless it's a safe word, or you're begging me for something," Quill says, eyes flashing.

"Please," Kalei says the moment her tongue is released, only to gasp when Quill puts the bullet into a higher setting.

Quill smirks again, holding the bullet in place and watching it turn Kalei to jelly so quickly. Watches as Kalei's legs are shaking a little, listens to her breathing get a bit more urgent.

And just when Kalei feels like she's almost there - the vibrator is gone.

"No, please," Kalei pleads, shaken. "Quill, don't-"

"I told you," Quill says, all innocent wide eyes. "Begging for mercy."

After taking a moment to check Kalei's cuffs, Quill turns up the torture a notch. She's so _close_ to Kalei, leaning in and pressing kisses to Kalei's neck while she keeps the bullet between Kalei's legs, taking her to the edge again and again and turning it off right before she gets there.

Kalei is shaking, her entire body trembling with the force of her need.

"This is what little teases like you deserve, you know," Quill murmurs. "You knew when you chose to tease me that my retaliation would be so much worse."

"Please," Kalei whispers.

Quill's smirk against her skin is practically audible. "Please what?"

"Please, I'll do anything," Kalei says, almost out of her mind.

"Anything?"

"Within reason, yes."

"Say please one more time," Quill asks.

"Please, Quill, please-"

Quill turns it up to the highest setting and Kalei is overcome with sensation, unprepared for the cry that escapes as that wave of pleasure finally breaks over her, so powerful it almost drowns her.

"That's it," Quill says, her free hand stroking over Kalei's hair. "Good girl."

Kalei lets out a shuddering breath which is almost a sob. Quill leans down to kiss her gently, before moving to remove the handcuffs. Kalei lets out a sigh of relief and flexes her sore wrists.

"Shit," Quill says when she looks at them, a deep frown creasing her forehead. "Sorry, I got carried away, I should have-"

"It's okay," Kalei tells her, "it was great. But just… cuddle me, now?" It's settling in now, that shaky feeling that's just a bit more powerful than the usual post-coital one, that feeling of fragility, of _needing_ Quill in a completely different way.

It's stronger than she remembers it being, the sub drop, but then it's a fainter memory and Sam had played it very safe in his dominant role, where Quill would never have even considered it.

Quill passes her some water before anything else, and Kalei gulps it down gratefully. Once both hydrated, Quill lies down next to Kalei, getting them both under the covers before wrapping her arms around her, letting Kalei curl into her and bask in their shared warmth underneath the duvet.

"Are you alright?" Quill asks. "Is this enough?"

"I think so," Kalei says, quietly. She nuzzles into Quill's shoulder. "Just keep holding me, for a while."

"I've got you," Quill tells her seriously, holding her tight. "Always."

"I know."

They stay there tucked into the covers, Quill's hand stroking over Kalei's hair and down her spine, warm and content. It takes a while for Kalei to feel herself again, but the whole time she knows she is safe and warm and cared for.

"I know I said we would have a proper dinner, but I'm so tired, and my legs definitely aren't working," Kalei says. "Can we… just sleep, and worry about food in the morning?"

"Sleep sounds good to me," Quill says, stifling a yawn. "All this sex has reminded me that I need to get decent rest so I can keep it up."

Kalei laughs helplessly. "Also because your girlfriend doesn't quite have your stamina, and definitely needs the sleep if she's going to keep this up."

"Exactly. I am capable of being considerate, you know. Sometimes. When it benefits me."

Kalei snorts. "Shut up and sleep, Andy."

* * *

It's a nice feeling, waking up with Kalei. Keeping Kalei safe in her arms, Kalei curled into her like the soft ball of warm human being that she is. Kalei who _trusts_ Quill. Kalei who let Quill cuff her to the bed and torment her like that, who _enjoyed_ it even if it meant needing a lot of cuddling afterwards.

Not that the cuddling is a bad thing. Quite the opposite. It had been nice, that feeling of Kalei needing her like that. Perhaps just as intoxicating as the actual dominance part, that feeling of Kalei nuzzling into her, all shaky, asking for Quill's touch, _needing_ her in such an intimate way that Quill is still staggered by it.

"I've got you," Quill murmurs again, to her sleeping girlfriend. _Always_.

Kalei mumbles in her sleep and snuggles further into her, making Quill smile just a little. God, she's gone soft. There's no way any of the teenagers are going to take her seriously if they see her acting like this around Kalei. She's going to have to crank up the threats of bodily harm and make them extra convincing.

"Morning," Kalei says eventually, voice clouded with drowsiness.

Quill kisses the top of her head. "Morning."

"What time is it?"

"Don't know, don't care. We're not in any rush."

"That's true."

Cuddling is good. The sex that comes after is good too, and Quill has to grin at the wobble in her legs when she gets up to go to the bathroom and make coffee, leaving a smug girlfriend propped up on the pillows and browsing Instagram.

Rudimentary breakfast happens too, because Quill is no chef but is firm on the importance of food and staying sustained, especially with what they've been getting up to and what she has every intention of continuing to do.

Which is how she ends up bringing a plate piled with twelve pieces of toast back to the bedroom with her, about ten minutes delivering the coffee. She went for a variety of spreads - three with just butter, three with jam, three with peanut butter, and three with honey. (She'd tried the weird marmite stuff in the cupboard and wanted to be sick, and had settled for hurling it out into the street via the front door, hopefully never to be seen again.)

"Um," Kalei says, when she sees the plate. "I have several questions, possibly involving why I thought I heard the front door earlier, and then the sound of squealing car tires, but I think I'm just going to go for… why do you have so much toast?"

"Sustenance," Quill replies, grabbing a piece and shoving it in her mouth as she lies back down. "I want to keep having sex with you. We both require food in order for that to be a plausible way of spending the day. Hence, toast."

Kalei stares at her, looking torn between laughter and exasperation, and settles for biting into a piece of honey toast while regarding Quill carefully.

"Yes, I'm with you that far. But why so much?"

Quill just gives her a look.

Kalei rolls her eyes. "Quill, I appreciate your enthusiasm and, uh, _unique_ brand of logic here, but I'm going to need more than toast if that's really your plan for the day."

"Why?"

"... because humans can't survive on toast alone."

"That is definitely a lie, at least in the time frame of a single day."

"Quill," Kalei says, slowly, "we are having a proper lunch later, with some form of protein and vegetables, and this is not negotiable."

"Fine," Quill replies, sighing. "But for the record, your human rules about food are ridiculous."

"Shut up and eat your toast mountain. And don't get crumbs in the bed."

Quill sighs and goes about eating nine out of the twelve pieces of toast, and definitely gets crumbs in the bed. Kalei browses Twitter while waiting for Quill to get every single one of them out.

"There," Quill says eventually. "Can we have sex now?"

"Shower," Kalei replies without looking up from her phone.

"Seriously? What's the point, if I'm just going to-"

"I didn't say you had to do it by yourself," Kalei says, chuckling, and gets out of bed so she can tug Quill in the direction of the bathroom.

"Oh," Quill says, and allows herself to be led, happily.

By the time it hits three thirty in the afternoon, they're sprawled on Quill's bed, unclothed and still trying to catch their breath. Even Quill has lost count of the number of times they've had sex at this point. It had seemed a lot less important than the actual act of continuing to fuck her girlfriend senseless (they had eventually worked out the harness on the strap on, and that had led to a whole new world of fun).

"We have half an hour until they get back, we should probably get to work cleaning this place and ourselves up," Quill says reluctantly.

Kalei, who has her head snuggled into the duvet, looks at her with starry brown eyes. Her hair is such a mess that it would make Quill laugh hysterically if it wasn't so damn satisfying to think about how wonderfully fucked Kalei looks.

"I genuinely don't think my legs are working," Kalei says seriously.

"Good," Quill smirks.

Kalei groans and turns bright pink. "Quill, I'm serious, I can't move. Or, I don't know, the bits that can move _hurt_."

"I distinctly recall you saying _harder, Quill, harder-_ " Quill's high pitched mimicking is met with a whack to the face with a pillow, making her grin. "Good, see, attack instincts are still there, and you still have use of your arms. You're fine."

"I'm not fine, I don't think I can walk, and I need to shower again before they get here!"

"You brought this on yourself."

"This was all _you_!"

"This was a joint effort, and you know it," Quill corrects, rolling her eyes. "It was during the many, many acts of extremely consensual sex between two parties that this happened, making it impossible to put the sole blame on anyone."

"Shut up and let me complain," Kalei grumbles. "I have to see Sally tonight and she's going to _know_ , she's going to take one look at how I'll be walking and _know_."

"Good, her angry face is hilarious."

"You couldn't make an effort to try and make her hate you less, could you?"

"Why would I want to do that? All great warriors need a nemesis, and since the Shadowkin are dead and you have weird feelings about Dorothea Ames, I don't see a lot of other options. Sally and I are destined to circle each other like weird, territorial animals, trying to protect the same creature."

"... has anyone ever told you that you're a touch overdramatic?"

"I have no idea what you mean," Quill says mildly, pretending to not remember throwing the marmite out of the door earlier that day, and the possible traffic incident it might have caused. "I'm the least dramatic person. You have to give a shit to be dramatic, surely."

Kalei laughs into the pillow. "I can't believe you. You're one of the most obscenely dramatic people I've ever met. And I love that about you, but… seriously."

"When have I ever been needlessly dramatic?"

"Matteusz says you once tried to fight thunder."

"I thought we were under attack."

Kalei starts laughing again and reaches out to pull Quill into a kiss. "Don't ever, ever, ever change. Just, promise me that, okay?"

Quill grins, ignoring how her heart does that obscene fluttering when Kalei talks like this. "Don't worry, Jacobs, you're stuck with me exactly how I am. I'm too stubborn to change."

"That's definitely true," Kalei says, snorting.

With a bit of teamwork when it comes to walking, they are showered and dressed and the house cleaned by the time there's a knock on the door at 4:05. Quill opens the door to find Matteusz holding Athena to his chest, sharing a dopey smile with Charlie.

Urgh, they're being disgustingly in love again.

"Any problems?" Quill asks.

"The baby subterfuge did not last for entire night, but it was okay," Matteusz says. "April's mother likes Quilliam very much."

"How nice," Quill says, her voice making it plain that she doesn't care. "Give her here, then." She takes the baby and gets her settled in her arms before touching the tip of her nose curiously. "Hello, little one."

Athena makes a noise that Quill thinks sounds rather happy. Well, nice to know that the small list of people that actually like her does in fact include her daughter. It makes her chest feel funny, in a pleasant sort of way.

"I think she missed you," Matteusz says, smiling.

"I'm not convinced she has the cognition function required for that just yet," Quill replies.

"Missing someone is not about cognition, Miss Quill. It is about feeling."

"Yeah, yeah, blah blah sentiment blah." She glances up at him. "And drop the 'Miss', alright? You just looked after my baby for 24 hours, and we live together. Just Quill is fine."

"Not Andy?" Matteusz says, grinning.

"No," Quill says sharply.

Charlie chuckles a little, and they all move inside, where Kalei is in the kitchen with two mugs of coffee. Her face lights up when she sees them, and it continues to surprise Quill just how much Kalei seems to care about Charlie and Matteusz, even if perhaps it shouldn't, since Kalei cares about almost _everyone_.

"Hey, did you guys have a good night?" Kalei asks the boys.

Charlie's eyes flick to her neck, where there are several hickeys that have alluded her concealer. "Not as good as yours, apparently, but yes, it was very pleasant."

Kalei flushes deep red as her hand goes to her neck. "Oh god, I thought I got all of them-"

"Nope," Quill says smugly.

"Naturally you neglected to mention this."

"Naturally."

Kalei shakes her head, with that fond exasperation, and turns her attention to the baby in Quill's arms instead. "Hello, Athena. Your mother is going to be the death of me, you know." She tickles the baby's cheek, and gets a happy little gurgle in response, before looking back at the boys. "What are you two doing for New Year's, tonight?"

"I think Ram and his mother are going over to April's, but Tanya is spending it with her family," Charlie says, "so-"

"We figured we would spend it with you, here," Matteusz says with a shrug.

"Can't, we're going to a party," Quill tells them.

"What?"

"Sally - Miss Liu, as you'd know her - she always has one on New Year's, or rather, her brother does," Kalei explains. "But I mean, you could probably just come with us. She likes you both well enough, and you are Quill's wards."

"That means we'd have to bring the baby," Quill points out. "Can we trust her to not do anything?"

"No," Charlie says, frowning at the baby. "Mrs MacLean got quite the fright this morning."

Kalei and Quill lift their eyebrows at him.

"Baby horse," Matteusz explains, and it says a lot about where their lives have ended up that this is a perfectly acceptable answer that earns nods of understanding from all of the others.

"We probably don't want the fireworks to startle her, then," Kalei says.

"I'd be more concerned about her trying to turn into a firework, actually," Quill says, frowning at the baby. "If New Year's is an occasion that they tend to go off."

"Oh god, true," Kalei replies, making a face.

"We'll leave her with Charlie and Matteusz," Quill continues. "If they stay inside and she can't get a good look at the fireworks, it should be alright. We can always hurry back if something goes wrong."

Charlie doesn't look too thrilled by this prospect. Matteusz just smiles.

"I'm sure all will be okay. Will be nice to have house to ourselves," he says, shrugging.

"Ourselves and a baby," Charlie points out.

"I mean, you don't have to," Kalei says.

"Yes, they do-"

"Quiet, Quill, they're doing favours for you, this is unpaid child care," Kalei says, giving her a pointed look, and Charlie nods in agreement.

"Really, is no trouble," Matteusz tries to say.

Quill just arches an eyebrow. "Given that I was an unpaid _slave_ for months, I feel as though Charles owes me at least this much."

Charlie opens his mouth only to shut it again, a resigned look crossing his face. Matteusz gives a tiny nod, making Quill wonder if he had been thinking as much all along. Kalei's surprise lasts only a moment.

"Okay, that's… a fair point, actually."

"So, it's decided," Quill says. "The boys can stay here with Athena, keeping her out of the way of any fireworks, and we can spend this evening traumatising your best friend with the knowledge of how much sex we've had in the last 24 hours."

Charlie and Matteusz automatically look at Kalei, who has turned bright red.

"Thank you so much for saying that while they are still in the room," Kalei says mildly, before taking a large sip of coffee.

Quill smirks. "You're very welcome."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought! Just one more chapter to go, now!


	50. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is impossible to know everything the new year will bring, but there are still a few certainties, for which Quill is more grateful than she will ever say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we have it... the final chapter. (Posted a day early cos I'm out all of tomorrow and will be drinking and... yeah. This is easier.) 
> 
> I hope it doesn't disappoint.
> 
> (Also, Cheng is in a wheelchair because his car accident was only like a month ago. I know, I forgot too, cheers to FernDavant for saving the day on that one.)

"Urgh, there are people here."

"That is rather the _point_."

"I suppose I was hoping it would be rather small. Not… this."

Sally and Cheng's spacious living room (and dining room) is populated with several dozen people, while synthesised pop plays on a nearby speaker. It's more adults than Quill has ever had to be around, in such an enclosed space, since arriving on this planet.

"Kalei!" Sally approaches quickly, looking relieved to see her. "Thank god you're here."

"I'd never abandon you to all of this," Kalei assures her.

Sally gives her a grateful smile. "You two both look great."

"Thanks."

Sally's gaze shifts to Quill. "So I… guess you've never been to a New Year's Party before, huh?"

"No, it should be an… experience," Quill says uneasily, and Kalei gives her hand a squeeze.

"Well, if someone steals Kalei away, you and I can hide in the kitchen and eat food," Sally suggests. "Team Not Keen On Socialising."

"That's an option?" Quill asks, stunned.

"Not for the whole night, just if things get a bit much for you in here," Kalei tells her.

"I wouldn't think you'd be willing to spend time with me," Quill says to Sally with surprise, and the short biology teacher just shrugs and gives her a funny, resigned smile.

"I'd rather trade insults with you than have to deal with crowds like this, to be honest."

"Huh."

"Kalei, there you are!" One of the teachers from school, the history teacher, whose name Quill has never bothered to remember, waves Kalei over, and Kalei gives Quill's hand a squeeze before leaving her side to go and socialise.

Quill and Sally watch her go, the latter tilting her head a little.

"Is it just me, or is she walking a bit..." Sally trails off, and makes a hilarious face of disgust as she looks back at Quill. "Jesus H Roosevelt Christ. Of course. I can't believe you. Except, I can. I totally can, that's why she's wearing that fancy scarf thing like that too, isn't it? Okay, I need a drink."

"Can I have one?"

"Sure, kitchen is this way, come on."

* * *

 

"So… you and Quill, huh?"

Kalei feels herself turn pink as Shah nudges her side and several of the other faculty members - the ones that Sally likes, anyway - laugh good-naturedly.

"Uh, yeah," Kalei says, biting her lip and grinning. "I mean, it's not like it's news, it got out a couple of weeks ago."

"Yes, I distinctly recall overhearing a conversation between a pair of sixth formers about whether you'd paid a visit to 'the sex dungeon that Miss Quill obviously has,'" says the English teacher, whose name Kalei _thinks_ is Thomas.

Kalei feels herself blushing harder. "Oh my god."

"You're a lot braver than I thought," Shah says. "Was she all sort of… aggressive, about approaching you? Or did she actually try and be charming? Because I've been trying to work out her flirting and seduction methods, and I'm coming up blank."

"I was actually the one that kept approaching her. I brought her coffee to force her to talk to me until she liked me," Kalei laughs.

Shah's eyebrows go up. "Oh wow. Definitely braver than I thought."

"I bet the sex _is_ good, though," Thomas says with a grin.

"We are not nearly well acquainted enough for me to be telling you anything about my sex life," Kalei tells him flatly. "And on that note, I'm going to get back to my girlfriend."

* * *

 

Quill and Sally are doing vodka shots in the kitchen when Kalei comes in, and Kalei just arches an eyebrow at them.

"You two alright? It's only just hit nine o'clock," she asks.

"Yeah, but like… there are people in my house, Kalei," Sally says. "Why does Cheng always have to do this? I don't like people! Why couldn't we just have you and Quill and maybe like a couple of his friends over?"

"They all seem to be having fun," Kalei says.

" _I'm_ having fun, now that I have vodka," Quill tells her.

"Don't you dare get super drunk. I have high hopes for this midnight kiss, alright?" Kalei says to Quill sternly, making Quill cock an eyebrow and smirk at her in a a way that makes Kalei's mind go to the gutter. 

"Yes, ma'am," she murmurs. "You should pull that authority voice more often. It's rather hot."

"Oh my god, can you two keep it in your pants for five seconds?" Sally exclaims, having another shot.

Kalei, however, just finds herself grinning, and she approaches Quill, putting her hands either side of the counter behind Quill, trapping her. "Maybe if you're good," Kalei says, leaning up to kiss her.

Quill's eyes are dark and she grins, pulling Kalei's lip between her teeth.

"I could be good," she says.

"Please don't have sex in my kitchen," Sally interrupts.

That's when Cheng enters the room in his wheelchair, with Bolin at his side, and Kalei is quick to step away from Quill, blushing. Cheng smirks while Bolin immediately runs to Kalei and hugs her legs tightly.

"Hey, Bo," Kalei says, giving Cheng a slightly apologetic look. "How have you been, buddy?"

"I've been really really good! I'm allowed to stay up and see the fireworks if I can stay awake!" He tells her excitedly, and she laughs.

"That's great!"

Bolin's eyes have moved to Quill, who is staring at him with vague curiosity. He glances back at Kalei and talks in a whisper, looking at Quill with a kind of fearful awe as he peeks at her from around Kalei's torso. 

"Who's that? Were you _kissing_ her?" he asks, sounding amazed and possibly a bit disgusted.

"This is Quill, my girlfriend," Kalei tells him. "And yes, I was kissing her, because she's very pretty, and I like her, and kissing her, a lot."

"Hello, little one. What's your name?" Quill asks.

"Bolin," he says shyly.

"Well, any friend of Kalei's is someone worth tolerating, so I suppose I'll be seeing you around," she says to him, and he giggles.

"You're weird."

Quill smirks. "Yes, I probably am."

"So you're the infamous Quill," Cheng says, grinning. "You don't disappoint. I'm Cheng."

He rolls the chair forward so he can reach his hand out for Quill to shake, and Quill hesitates as she always does when presented with this particular human tradition, but a moment later shakes it.

"I hate to think what Sally might have been telling you," Kalei says, glancing at her best friend, who has the decency to look a bit ashamed.

"Probably nothing that wasn't true," Quill says with a smirk. (Which is difficult to argue with, Kalei has to admit.)

"At least you're self-aware," Sally mutters.

"About some things, maybe," Kalei says, snorting.

"What she didn't mention is the _totally awesome scar_ ," Cheng says, staring at Quill with immense awe. "Which is probably super insensitive of me to mention, but I just have to say how badass it makes you look."

Quill smirks again. "I was able to crush a person's head between my thighs long before I got this scar, so it has very little to do with my level of badassery, but I appreciate the compliment all the same. The more intimidating I look, the better."

"Well, frankly I think it's ridiculous," Kalei says, earning several looks of surprise - Quill's look being also rather offended - until she adds, "you were already unfairly attractive and now it's even more of a problem."

Quill snags her by the waist and pulls her in, grinning. "You like the scar?"

"Far too much," Kalei says, "but anyway. Come dance with me, Quill, I can hear ABBA in the living room."

"There are several things wrong with that sentence," Quill says as Kalei steps away and tries to pull her towards the door. Quill snatches her hand back and instead uses it to grab a biscuit from a nearby platter and shove it in her mouth. "Firstly, dancing. I don't dance. Secondly, living room, where people are, and food is not. I'm staying here."

Kalei looks at her with exasperation, before noticing Cheng's chuckle and how he's bobbing his head. "Fine. Cheng, Bolin, may I have this dance?"

"I'd be honoured," Cheng says, grinning and making a show of kissing her hand, eliciting a delighted giggle from Kalei and a frown from Quill.

Now satisfied with her dance partner, Kalei heads back into the living room and is soon laughing at how Bolin spins her around while Cheng spins his chair around in a fairly impressive display of his capabilities with the chair's mechanisms.

* * *

 

"You're pathetic."

Quill scowls. "Shut up, Half-Inch."

"Just go and dance with her, if it bothers you."

"Can you _really_ picture me dancing?"

"Well, no."

Quill is at the door, watching through it as Cheng pretends to dip Kalei by draping her over his lap, and Kalei lets out a loud peal of laughter. It's a strange feeling. On one hand, she loves hearing that sound from Kalei, under any circumstances. On the other, she's painfully aware of the fact that given Kalei's request, it should be _Quill_ eliciting that sound from her.

Of course, Quill has absolutely zero idea how to dance in any way humans would find socially acceptable, so that really isn't an option.

"Who'd have thought that I'd be spending my brother's New Year's Eve party cooped up in a kitchen with you?" Sally asks. "Talk about a plot twist."

"Life is full of unexpected turns," Quill says seriously, taking another handful of crisps while not taking her eyes off Kalei through the crack in the door. "The fact that I was born in a nest on a planet thousands of light years from here, and now find myself in this particular kitchen, watching this particular woman while talking to another being in a conversation without any death threats being involved, is proof enough of that."

"True," Sally says. "... you were born in a nest?"

"Yep."

"Huh."

Quill keeps watching as the song finishes, and Kalei is approached by another man as Cheng moves off. This one's smile is different to Cheng's cheerful, friendly one. It's more charming, and whatever he's saying to Kalei has her ducking her head in that embarrassed but pleased sort of way.

It takes a while for Quill to realise, as she watches them keep talking, but he's _flirting_ with Kalei. It's hard to tell if Kalei is responding in kind or not, from here. She can't see enough of her face.

"Someone's - who is that?" Quill asks, frowning. Sally sighs and moves to join her at the door, muttering about how juvenile the whole thing is.

"I think he's called Fred? He works with Cheng."

"He's flirting with Kalei."

Sally lifts an eyebrow. "Alright. And?"

"And I… don't like it," Quill says. "It's weird. I'm getting an urge to punch him in the face. Not that it's an unusual urge for me to get about anyone, but it's weirdly strong."

Sally laughs. "Yep, that would be the green-eyed monster."

"What monster? Where?" Quill asks, alarmed, turning to look at her.

"Okay, shit, it's just a saying," Sally says, rolling her eyes. "Jealousy. I'm talking about jealousy. You're sounding jealous. Which is pretty weird coming from someone who isn't supposed to believe in monogamy structures."

"Oh shut up, I'm busy trying to work out if I should be punching him," Quill says, rolling her own eyes in turn and directing them back to the view of the living room. "Alright, he just touched her hair, that's it, I'm going in."

"Wait, promise me you won't actually punch him," Sally calls after her.

Quill pays the comment little mind and strides through the room until she comes up behind Kalei, and puts her hands on her hips and leans in to nuzzle her nose against Kalei's cheek.

"You're cute when you're dancing like an idiot," Quill murmurs.

"Hey," Kalei says, with an audible grin. "Done hiding in the kitchen?" Meanwhile, the man - Fred? - looks wonderfully bewildered by Quill's appearance. She smirks smugly at him, and presses a kiss just underneath Kalei's ear.

"You looked bored," Quill says, and delights in the look of offence that crosses Fred's face.

A tiny giggle escapes Kalei before she coughs. "I wasn't, I was having a very nice conversation with Frank here about-"

"My name's Fred," he says, frowning at her, and Quill snorts.

"Oh," Kalei says, sounding a bit put-out and only a little apologetic. "Oops. Sorry? Well, Fred, this is Quill. My girlfriend."

Fred sighs. "Well, it was worth a shot." With that, he heads off into the group of people dancing to Whitney Houston.

"Was that really necessary?" Kalei asks Quill, turning around in her arms so that she can give her a disapproving look. "He was nice."

"He was flirting with you. I didn't like it."

Kalei lifts an eyebrow. "I thought you didn't care about monogamy. You always say it's stupid."

"It's stupid to have as a societal norm amongst a people who clearly struggle with it," Quill corrects. "If you ever met someone else you wanted to see in addition to me, I'd be alright with that, obviously. But here and now, I very much intend to steal all of your attention, then glare at anyone who tries to make moves on my girlfriend."

"Why don't we say monogamous for now, but that it's open for discussion at any later date?" Kalei suggests, with a fond look in her eyes.

"Meaning that right now, you're mine? Yes, I like this plan."

Ignoring Kalei's confused questions, Quill starts dragging her through the room, into the dim corridor and then one of the bedrooms, shutting the door and pressing Kalei against it with a firm kiss.

"Quill, we're meant to be socialising," Kalei protests.

"Don't care," Quill says, kissing along her jaw urgently, her knee between Kalei's legs and making her moan a little. "Mine."

Kalei kisses her back automatically every time their lips meet, but keeps pulling away a few moments later. "Quill, you realise I don't _actually_ have any interest in seeing someone else? Do you actually think I'll be looking away from you long enough at any given time to notice anyone else?"

Quill stares at her for a moment, and then kisses her harder, the hunger for Kalei driving her hands to seek out skin wherever they can find it, hitching up Kalei's skirt and -

"Quill, hands off, we're not having sex in Sally's bedroom."

Quill groans. "Why not?"

"Because I said so."

"... please?"

"No."

Kalei kisses her after saying that, so Quill is able to set her sex drive aside and let herself enjoy the wonderful, wonderful kissing. She never gets tired of kissing Kalei, of how soft her lips are and how she leans into every touch of Quill's hands.

Eventually they rejoin the party, and Quill actually makes conversation with some of the other teachers. Or rather, they make conversation and she actually makes an effort to give halfway decent replies, if only because she knows Kalei would want her to try.

Right before midnight, the TV gets turned on, to the news channel where there's some kind of countdown happening.

Kalei's arms are around Quill's waist, her eyes a bit brighter for the wine she's consumed. She's achingly beautiful as she looks up at Quill with excitement - this midnight kiss thing is important to her, for some reason. Quill is determined not to disappoint.

People around them start counting down, shouting out _ten!_ then _nine!_ and so on until everyone starts shouting 'Happy New Year!' in celebration.

Quill figures this must be the moment, and so takes Kalei's face in her hands, meets her eyes for a moment, and bends to kiss her as gently as she can.

"Happy New Year, Kalei," she says as she pulls away, and Kalei's eyes are shining.

"Happy New Year, Andy."

"Just for the record, in regards to what you said earlier," Quill says, tucking a few stray curls behind Kalei's ear, "I don't have much interest in looking away from you long enough to notice anyone else, either."

With that, Kalei throws her arms around Quill's neck and kisses her decidedly less gently, and Quill is more than happy to return the favour.

* * *

 

Kalei insists that they have to go and see _Rogue One_ , which she had gone to the premiere for with her father, because it's Star Wars and that means it is essential. It's set right before the first _Star Wars_ movie that was made, the first one Quill had watched, and is about the rebellion still, so Quill is interested enough.

With Kalei's hand to hold, Quill manages to get into the movie theatre without having a panic attack this time, and Kalei is immensely proud of her. The giant bucket of popcorn Quill's got in her lap seems to helps her mood too.

As she glances over at Quill towards the end of the movie, she sees tears running down Quill's cheeks, and reaches out to take her hand and give it a squeeze.

Quill is still crying when the movie ends and the lights come up. She must be holding it in to some extent, because it's not the noisy, unrestrained hurt Kalei's seen in her before. It's just tears silently falling while Quill's eyes are open and so unbelievably melancholy that Kalei's heart pangs.

"Hey, are you alright?" Kalei asks her, cupping her face in her hands.

Quill nods through the tears. "I just… they got to die for their cause. I never got to do that. For so long I wished that I had, that I'd been able to. All that time I was a slave, I just wanted to have been able to die for my people."

"Oh, Andy," Kalei whispers.

"But now I don't know what to feel, because I _don't_ , anymore," Quill continues, brow creasing. "I'm free and with you, and I'm actually _happy,_ and I never thought I would be this happy, _ever_. I couldn't even have imagined it. But how is it fair for me to be happy when they're all dead?"

Kalei kisses her softly, on her forehead, then her scar over her eyelid, and finally her lips. "You fought hard for them. You tried so hard to make it so that they could be happy. I'm sure they'd want you to be happy, after how hard you tried."

Quill cries harder, and Kalei pulls her into her arms, which is a bit awkward when the armrest is between them, but they manage. They get a few weird looks from other moviegoers who are getting out of their seats, but Kalei ignores them.

"It's okay," Kalei murmurs, stroking Quill's hair.

They make their way out with Kalei keeping a tight grip on Quill's hand, while Quill wipes at her eyes and looks a bit embarrassed about her breakdown.

Kalei decides to let her have some peace and quiet on the drive home, at least until -

"Can you talk?"

Kalei glances at her. "Talk? About what?"

"Anything," Quill says, leaning her head back against her seat and watching her with soft, tired eyes. "The weather. Whatever song comes on the radio. The movie. I really don't care. I just like listening to you talk."

Kalei bites her lip, her heart fluttering obscenely in her chest, and finds herself talking about the sassy droid from the movie and how he reminds her of Quill, how her father had laughed heartily when she had told him so after they'd gone to the premiere.

Quill is smiling fractionally, watching her with those impossibly big eyes.

"Have I mentioned how much I love Darth Vader?" Kalei says as they get out of the car and head into the house. "I mean, first you have the choking pun, which is so great because it's so _Anakin_ , he's such a little shit, and you know, I could _totally_ imagine you saying something like that."

Quill snorts as they come into the kitchen, and Kalei is relieved to see that the sadness is gone from her eyes, at least for the moment, replaced by fond amusement.

"It was a good line," Quill agrees.

"And then, the bit where he just… comes at those guys in the dark," Kalei continues, too excited to slow herself down, her hands gesturing wildly. "I mean, it's ridiculous, because he has lights on his suit, he must have actually stopped to turn them off, he might have caught up to the rebels if he hadn't done that!"

"You've thought about this a lot," Quill says, looking impressed.

"It's important! He let the rebels get away because he was being melodramatic!" Kalei cries. "It's the stupidest, funniest, greatest thing I've ever seen!"

Quill starts laughing.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm a giant nerd," Kalei says, embarrassed.

"You care a lot, about everything, and you _enjoy_ everything," Quill says. "Don't ever feel like that's a bad thing when it's almost definitely one of the reasons I'm as stupidly in love with you as I am."

"Yeah well, that's-" Kalei stops, staring at her. "What?"

She can't have heard that right. Her heart is pounding against her chest while her mind tells it to stop, that it was wrong.

Quill frowns. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You just said you-"

"Am in love with you, yes," Quill finishes, nodding once. "I don't understand your confusion, here. It's not a new thing."

Kalei starts laughing, albeit a little hysterically. "It is to _me_! You can't just say that to me out of _nowhere_ and then act like it's ridiculous that I'm _reacting_ to it!"

"I thought it was obvious!" Quill retorts. "I've been doing my best to tell you for weeks!"

"Oh," Kalei says.

"But I'm not exactly good at talking about my emotions unless I'm having a complete meltdown, so I've been, you know, doing my best to get it across without just _saying_ it like that," Quill continues, rolling her eyes, "but you're an idiot who kept completely misinterpreting everything I was saying! One time, you thought I was talking about the baby! So yes, I _can_ just say that out of nowhere, because you're an idiot, and frankly, I'm out of patience with you."

They stare at each other for a moment as Quill catches her breath.

"Are you… done shouting at me about how you're in love with me and how much of a moron I am?" Kalei asks, an odd laugh escaping her.

"Yes, I think so," Quill says seriously, after apparently giving it a moment's thought. "God, if you're even a little bit surprised by this information, you really are far less intelligent than I've thought all this time."

"Shut up," Kalei says, stepping closer, "you're a ridiculous alien that I've been trying very hard to not make assumptions about in any way, alright?"

"Alright, fair point, but still-" Quill's words are muffled by Kalei's mouth as Kalei kisses her eagerly.

"I love you too," Kalei says, feeling herself tearing up, and god it feels _so good_ to finally get the words out. She laughs a little. "I love you so much that it terrifies me. And I've wanted to tell you, but I was worried about how you'd react, and now that I think about it, you're right, that was so _stupid_ , but-"

Quill kisses her. "Yes, yes, we've established that you're an idiot, but you're my idiot, and I love you very much, so it's alright, and we've finally got this all sorted out."

Kalei smiles at her and reaches up to stroke Quill's face with her thumb. "I love you, Andra'ath Quill."

Quill's little smirk melts away as her eyes soften, then well with a couple of tears. Quill swears under her breath and wipes at her eyes. Kalei leans up and nuzzles her nose, and Quill holds her tight.

"I love you, too," Quill says, and they stay like that, foreheads and noses pressed against each other.

Matteusz and Charlie come in to find them tearful and holding each other and laughing oddly.

"Is everything alright?" Charlie asks, concerned.

"Yes, everything's fine, we're in love, that's all," Quill replies.

"It's… exciting," Kalei adds, wiping at her eyes.

"Oh," Charlie says. "Is that all? I thought that was rather obvious."

"See?!" Quill exclaims, looking at Kalei with exasperation. "I told you!"

"I mean, admittedly it took a long time for me to accept you were actually capable of that sort of thing," Charlie adds, making a face. "But there's only so long I could keep denying the evidence of my own eyes."

"This is bad, Kalei. _Charles_ is making more sense than you," Quill says to Kalei, who whacks her arm.

"Shut up," she says, still grinning. "Being mean to me is no good, I love you."

"And I love you, you idiot."

Then they're kissing again, and Charlie is making noises of disgust.

"Well, I am very happy for you," Matteusz says, and when they break apart to look at him, he is smiling widely at them, eyes warm and genuine.

"Thank you," they say in unison.

For a moment there is a silence filled with nothing but giddiness. Kalei stares up at Quill, her heart so full as Quill stares back that she isn't sure what to do with herself. She's not really sure why she does what she does next, because she doesn't really think about it. 

She reaches up and boops Quill's nose, prompting a look of such bewilderment that Kalei falls about laughing.

"What the hell was that?" Quill asks, with faint outrage.

"She booped your nose," Matteusz says, laughing as well. Even Charlie's lips twitch. "And you made very funny face."

"I don't know what a nose boop is other than incredibly undignified," Quill says, scowling and rubbing at her nose. "And just what prompted you to do that, I have no idea."

"I'm sorry," Kalei giggles, "I'm just… too happy to think straight. I didn't know what else to do."

Quill rolls her eyes, but there's a hint of a smile on her lips.

* * *

 

A crash out in the corridor followed by a yell makes Kalei wince where she's tucked underneath her desk, Athena clutched to her chest.

Athena starts crying.

"Hey, it's okay," Kalei murmurs, even though her heart is pounding and she's sick to her stomach with worry.

She thinks she hears one of the teenagers shout Quill's name out in the corridor. It's confirmed when she hears Quill's thunderous 'not _now_ , Charles!'.

Kalei kisses the top of Athena's head. "She'll be okay. She always is."

There's knowing that your girlfriend and a band of teenagers are tasked with defending your planet from the potential alien terrors that might come through the space-time tear in your shared workplace, and then there's actually dealing with that reality.

The lizard incident aside, this is the first proper incursion that Kalei has been witness to. A trio of warriors from god knows what galaxy, and Quill had challenged them to a duel to the death, for the planet.

Dorothea and Sally had done a good job of getting the teachers who had still been in the school at the time out of the building. Quill had brought Athena with her to pick Kalei up and go for a walk somewhere - an experiment in taking Athena out of the house that had been worrying enough without three heavily armoured seven foot tall aliens getting involved.

Needless to say, Quill had shoved the baby at Kalei and told her to hide. Kalei hadn't needed telling twice.

Now, all she can do is wait, while a battle rages outside.

Finally it all goes quiet, and she hears the door open.

"Kalei?"

It's Matteusz, and Kalei feels some relief. Not an alien warrior. They've not lost. Not _completely,_ at least.

Kalei gets out from under the desk, and he helps her to her feet. He's got a bruise on his jaw but is otherwise apparently unharmed. The two of them come into the corridor, where the trio of warriors are lying unconscious and Quill is standing over them, a fierce grin on her face, her lip bleeding.

"Everyone okay?" Kalei asks, looking around at the others. They all nod, despite looking worn out, looking to have been fighting a fair bit themselves, April especially. "Thank god for that."

One of the warriors stirs, and tries to sit up, and Quill moves like lightning, kicking him in the face and knocking him out cold. She draws her gun and Kalei is alarmed but Matteusz intervenes, putting his hand on Quill's arm and making her stop to stare at him.

"Let go of me, Matteusz," she growls.

"We throw them back through the tear," Matteusz says firmly. "This was the plan. We do not kill anyone we do not have to."

"That is not my way-"

"No, but it is _our_ way."

Quill's jaw is tight as she stares at him, eyes fierce and unsure. Finally, she shoves the gun back into her pocket and sighs.

"Help me with them, then."

Quill and the teenagers haul the three warriors towards the ominous light at the end of the corridor, and manage to throw them into it. Kalei watches, quietly amazed. Eventually it's done, and Quill strides towards Kalei.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Kalei says, reaching out with her free hand to catch Quill's coat.

"I don't know why you were so worried."

"My girlfriend challenged three terrifying alien warriors to a fight to the death without so much as blinking," Kalei says, arching an eyebrow. "Of course I'm going to worry."

"I was obviously going to win. Besides, I don't need your worry-"

"Too bad," Kalei laughs, pulling her in for a kiss. "It comes with the territory. You're going to have to get used to it."

Quill grumbles and turns her attention to Athena, her finger tracing her cheek for a moment. "She alright?" she asks.

"She wasn't happy for a while there, but it was okay," Kalei says. "She probably picked up on how worried I was, what with the telepathy and all."

"Probably." Quill takes her daughter into her arms and holds her tight to her chest, letting out a long breath. She seems calmer now, with the baby in her arms, even if she still holds her stiffly like she isn't quite sure what she's doing. "I suppose this is us now, then. Two aliens, four human teenagers, a maths teacher. In charge of protecting the earth as well as making sure this baby neither dies nor exposes our secret to any unsuspecting humans...No way that any of this can end in disaster."

"Well, you know what they say about parenting: it takes a village," April says, where she's leaning against Ram, still out of breath.

"Or in this case, a bunch of vaguely traumatised teenagers and two of their teachers," Tanya supplies helpfully.

"Not as much said about what you need to defend cracks in space-time, though," Ram says, making a face. "Not exactly a manual for this."

"God help us the day something properly powerful comes through," Quill mutters, shaking her head and looking grim about the prospect. "We only had the one weapon of mass destruction."

"We'll work something out," Charlie says, with a determination more serious than his usual cheerfulness.

Kalei takes Quill's free hand in hers and entwines their fingers. "Whatever comes, you can handle it. _We_ can handle it."

"All of us," Matteusz adds.

"We're a team," Tanya says. "That was always supposed to be the point. And _finally_ , after everything getting so completely screwed up, I think we actually are."

Quill looks around at them all. Ram, with his arm around Tanya's shoulders, and April tucked into his other side - April looking at Ram protectively while he looks at Tanya in the same way. Charlie and Matteusz, hands linked, looking as ready to face down a whole army together as they always do. Athena, against her chest, blue eyes just like her own, open and curious about everything around her.

As she stares at them all, there's something new in Quill's eyes. A belief in those around her, an acceptance.

"A team," Quill says, and it's impossible to tell if it's disdainful or disbelieving in a longing sort of way. "Alright. It looks like I'm a commander again."

"Cool," Tanya says with a grin.

Quill finally looks back at Kalei. "You really didn't know what you were getting yourself into when you bribed me with coffee to get my attention."

Kalei laughs. "I really didn't."

"No regrets?"

"Absolutely none," Kalei says, before kissing Quill, eagerly but while being mindful of the baby between them. The sound of 'awww's surround them, along with a wolf-whistle that is probably from Tanya, and a protesting comment from Charlie. When a round of laughter starts up, Kalei cracks an eye open to see Quill has extended her free hand to flip Charlie off.

"Alright, let's go home," Quill says, looking at Charlie and Matteusz. "I need coffee. The universe can give us its best shot. Tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't really believe it's over. It's been one hell of a ride and absorbed seven months of my life in a truly unexpected fashion, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I've loved every minute and it's been down to all of you and your amazing encouragement and feedback throughout. 
> 
> An infinite amount of thanks are owed to crystalsoulslayer and FernDavant, without whom this story would not be anything near what it is. You guys are the absolute best, thanks so much for putting up with my excitable rambling ass. 
> 
> Don't fear that this will be the last you'll see of these two, though, this is a series for a reason. There's a fair few oneshots and the Taphia story to come before I make an attempt at a Quillei sequel, but those should more than tide you over in the meantime. Be sure to subscribe to the series or to me to make sure you don't miss those! 
> 
> In the meantime, also definitely check out universeonhershoulders' amazing AU Quillei oneshot, the link to which should be either above or below this author's note, it's obscenely adorable and really funny. 
> 
> Also, I made a playlist for this story, if you guys want to check that out too:  
> https://playmoss.com/en/evilqueenofgallifrey/playlist/fight-for-what-we-started
> 
> Thank you so much for reading all this time, please let me know what you thought!!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Separation Anxiety](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10962015) by [UniverseOnHerShoulders](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UniverseOnHerShoulders/pseuds/UniverseOnHerShoulders)




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